For whatever reason, perhaps it’s just everyone’s respect for their elders, octogenarian slugger Albie Pujols gets a pass whenever he breaks out his boorish behavior. In the past nine months alone the Cubs have seen him throw a tantrum at home plate after a strikeout, hit a meaningless homer in a loss and take an obscenely wide turn from home plate to first base, get tossed out of a tie game for swearing at the home plate umpire (for calling ball four while he was batting) and last night he gave the crowd the “shhhhh” sign as he rounded third after a homer in a 4-3 loss.
The Cardinals will say that Pujols is young (we know that to be nonsense) and though he looks mature (because he’s in his early 30s) and plays so well (he’s a great hitter, but that doesn’t mean he gets to act like a jackass) that we all think he’s older than he is.
They claim he’s 24 years old. If he’s 24, I’m 22.
Now Pujols has a bad hip. Not a surprising malady for an older man. He’s on pace to go on the DL in June with an enlarged prostate.
The Viagra endorsement should be along next April.
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The Cubs are the shell of the team they could be if they could ever get everybody on the field at the same time. And yet, according to today’s standings they not only are tied for first place in the NL Central but they are tied for the best record in the National League.
Only Anaheim and Boston have better records than the Cubs.
It’s probably time to face the fact that the Cubs will never be completely whole this year. Even when The Franchise comes back, and Kerry Wood’s puffy tricep comes around, somebody else will get hurt. It’s just how things are.
I find it amusing that people act like the Cubs are the only ones who have pitchers who get hurt. It’s not like Andy Pettitte was on the DL this year with a bad elbow, or Jason Schmidt, or Jake Peavy or Sidney Ponson or Billy Wagner or…you get the point.
The Cubs also don’t purposefully lie to the media about injuries. Not that George Ofman or Rick Telander would ever believe that. What they do is always give best case scenario stuff to the media. Can you blame them? If I were running the Cubs we wouldn’t give any medical information out. We’d be like college football teams where you have to wait for the game to start to figure out how healthy somebody is.
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The weekend series with the Cardinals was interesting for a few reasons. The Cubs and Cardinals were on national TV all three days with three different sets of announcers. On Friday, they were on WGN with Chip and Steve and for whatever reason, Chip and Steve spent the whole game openly rooting for the Cardinals. It’s not my imagination. They talk about how great Albie is at first base (he’s average…how nice for him), they talk about what a great story Chris Carpenter’s comeback is (he’ll fall down a sewer grate sometime in July), they go on about what a genius Tony LaRussa is. Do we think Al Hrabosky is waxing eloquent about the Cubs on the Cardinals broadcast?
And it’s only going to get worse. Tuesday and Wednesday night we get to hear about six hours of Craig Biggio love from Chip. I’m going to wear a poncho.
On Saturday we got the always smug Joe Buck and the smarmy Tim McCarver. Here’s the scary thing, these two were the best of the announcers on the weekend. Buck is a prick, but I can at least respect that he doesn’t pretend not to be. McCarver’s just a moron.
Last night, Jon Miller couldn’t tell the difference between Matt Clement and Matt Morris. There was one subtle difference, Clement won the game. Morris lost it. The Anti-Christ was all over the place, like usual. It just amazes me that ESPN, the most powerful network in all of sports pays good money for dimwits like Morgan, Chris Berman, Stu Scott, Stephen A. Smith, Harold Reynolds, Jeff Brantley, Rob Dibble and Michael Irvin. It has to be just an attempt to make Digger Phelps, Lee Corso and Peter Gammons look positively brilliant by comparison.
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I was flipping around the MLB Package yesterday and caught a little of the painful Brewers-Pirates game. Steve Blass was the color announcer for the Pirates and instead of talking about how Andy Pratt has become the new him, he instead was giving his rundown in the division. Here’s what he said. “I think Houston’s easily the best team. Then the Cardinals, though we haven’t seen them. The Reds are bad. The Cubs didn’t impress me at all. They’re still the Cubs.”
The Cubs haven’t impressed him? The Cubs are 4-1 against the Pirates this year and in the last two games beat them 21-2! He’s apparently a very tough…and very dumb…crowd.
I’ll tell you who’s bad, Steve. The Pirates.
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Last night’s Sopranos ranks as one of the year’s best, obviously. Three moments in particular.
– Adrianna telling Chris she’s been talking to the Feds, followed by him punching her in the face and then nearly choking her to death. After he stops choking her…SHE apologizes.
– Adrianna crawling on all fours away from Silvio.
– Chris telling Tony he did a little heroin because he “can’t stand the pain.” Only to have Tony punch him, knock him to the floor and start kicking him in the ribs yelling, “How’s this for pain?”
But the best moment was Tony trying to work out a deal with Johnny Sack where Tony would kill his own cousin, only to have Johnny piss Tony off so bad that he told Johnny to “F@#$ off.” Thereby starting a war between New York and New Jersey. It’s about time. We’ve only been waiting for it for six years.
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Don’t forget to click on a Google ad…or four.
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The Cubs scored often early (as Miller reminded us all night) then not at all and in the end, Regular Joe made quick work of Albie, Lassie and Rolen.
Matt Clement, Regular Joe and LaTroy came up big when it counted. Any series win over the Cardinals is a big one. Because we hate those f@#$ers.
Sammy is standing upright again. Something Scott cRolen-magnon will have to do some more evolving to accomplish.
Sure…now the prank was on the class A catcher.
Kerry’s getting a bone scan. That’s good…right?
Groucho’s all over the place in this one. I like the fact that here’s a guy who plays for Skipper Bologna. I’d prefer to play for Skippy Peanut Butter.
E-ramis came through in a big way.
Chris DeLuca thinks the Cubs are after Ichiro. If only it were true.
Peter Gammons loves the Wilsons! I still think Carnie’s creepy looking.
Rasheed Wallace has guaranteed a game two victory. Too bad he didn’t do that for game one.
Peter King’s Monday Morning Quarterback.
I like this headline, I immediately thought Sexson was a horse. Wow, when he goes free agent and signs with the Mariners next year, it’s going to be one collossally bad trade for the D’backs.
The Bush twins are posing for Vogue. Can Playboy be far behind?
Simon Cowell says Britney’s getting fat.
Yeah, she’s huge. What is with the hair on the gay guy she’s kissing?
Yeah, Michael Jackson’s not weird…at all.
Garry Trudeau is apologizing for Doonesbury, and not because it’s never funny. He’s apologizing for this.
America’s finest news source says that the funeral just looked cheap.
Great moments in the Sopranos yesterday:
After his burn victim former girlfriend tells Tony that she is going to kill herself, Tony excuses himself (although it wasn’t that elegant) to take a call.
Chris telling Tony when he arrives late that "The highway’s jammed with broken heroes on a last chance power drive". A lyric, of course, from Springsteen’s "Born to Run". Ironic because you may have thought that was exactly what Chris was going to do until while he was gassing up his Hummer, before he saw the white trash family with their Cheetos and Mountain Dew getting into their POS car and realized what he was about to lose. Also, a wink at Springsteen’s band mate and cast member Stevie Van Zandt.
The look on Tony’s face when he told Johnny Sack to go F himself was priceless.
Good luck to Drea de Matteo. She’s going from one of the best shows on TV to what surely will be one of the worst (Joey!)
Hey Dolan,
Rip me when I suck. Silent when I do well. No love? I was everyone’s hero last year.
Did you see Grandpa Pujols way out on his front foot in the ninth inning last night? And then canine-phile Edmonds whiffing? And cRolen magnon’s wind-blown popout?
Yeah, I can pitch.
Love,
JoBo
Somebody watched the Simpsons yesterday and learned a new word…..
Last night on SportsCenter, I said Moises Alou wasn’t going to get a Father’s Day card from Felipe after hitting the game-winning homer against the Giants. You say most people don’t get cards from their dad on Father’s Day? God, I’m a dumbass.
Take a look at this unreadable piece of crap!
Guess who has the same record as the Cubs (and is similarly tied for first place) after taking three of four on the road this weekend?
Driving up to Crystal Lake to golf yesterday morning, I happened upon an NBA discussion on the Score. Deciding it might be safe to go back into the water, I decided to stop and listen.
And then I heard the host of the radio show. None other than this guy:
I thought that with Bourbannais a good 60 days away, the draft 30 days in our rear-view mirror, the Super Bowl more than 100 days past and the Bears’ last outing about 130 days ago, that my ears would be spared Hub’s voice.
No such luck. And if you’re by any chance listening to the Score around 7:30 on Sundays, don’t.
That’s not my show. I’m just on Hub’s show.
Lakers in three.
"Matt Clement, Regular Joe and LaTroy came up big when it counted. Any series win over the Cardinals is a big one. Because we hate those f@#$ers."
Easy there, JoeBo. You got your props.
By the way, if that gobber you threw to Rolen was a half inch more inside, it’s 4-4.
Hey TJ
I’ve played at Crystal Lake. My nephew and bro-in-law are members–Trent and Dirk Anderson.
Tough course.
the Lama
But it wasn’t. I hit my spot, LaTroy
Hey Pumpkinhead. If the wind isn’t howling out, you’re homer in the 7th inning is a routine flyball, and that cue shot you had in the 9th would’ve had Ramon and Corey fighting over it.
As I’ve said before, few hitters preen over their homers like Albie. He is an arrogant prick anymore. I was hoping for a 3-4 run leave going into the 9th and have JoeBo stick one in his ear (though he’d probably miss and hit Barrett in the shoulder like Morris smoked Matheny earlier in the game).
Unfortunately, it wasn’t Crystal Lake. Not a bad course, at all.
I filled out a foursome at Prairie Isle, which is a 1/4 inch of rain away from being completely under water.
I used to play McHenry all the time, it’s where I learned to play golf. But I live in Northbrook so it’s tough to get out that way, except at 7:30 in the morning on a Sunday.
Sorry Judge, for posting as you. Temporary insanity, honest.
$50 says you slice it into the woods.
The Misadventures of Reg’lar Joe is nothing but a microcosm of the Cubs 2004 season.
We could have gone on a wall-to-wall ’84 Tigers kind of roll, but is God gonna let us?
Nah, why not knock out three All-stars, and let the remains try to scramble to keep pace with the REDS! The REDS?!?
It’s supposed to be Boog Alou that pops his hamstrings trying to squeeze his own buttzits. But instead, he’s carrying the load on his back.
What kind of Cub Bizarro World is THIS?
By the way, no Bernstein (again) on The Score today. Methinks contract squabbles are ongoing.
Instead, we’re treated to that moron Mike Mulligan (aka Straight Man for Boers). A terrible voice and an even worse presence. He was "completely terrified" about the Kerry Wood story. Apparently, having a bone scan is the same as a death sentence.
BTW: I’m not a big Britney fan, but me likey the arched back and the hip snap on her.
Do I sound like Hub Arkush on this ‘un?
Did anybody else catch Mulligan’s interview on Saturday with Juan Uribe? It was comedy gold.
Uribe could only say three words in English, "happy", "hit" and "jooknow".
Mulligan was "completely terrified" for true. Four minutes of that. Mully had to try and ask questions that were completely unrelated to what he just asked, so Juan wouldn’t know that Mike didn’t understand the answers.
Priceless.
Regarding John Kruk’s article on ESPN.com:
"Mr. Kruk, what you’ve just written is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever read. At no point in your rambling, incoherent article were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having read it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul."
Sounds like Mully’s interview with Uribe was as insightful as the one I had with Aramis Ramirez last August after a win in STL.
I kept calling him "Ameeris" & had no idea what he was saying. So I just did my big phony laugh, in my best white man’s voice, & kept asking unrelated follow-ups, preceded with "Ameeris."
Can anyone believe that I have a regular gig in the 3rd largest market in America???
No, JHood, by all that is right and fair in the world, you shouldn’t even have your own overnight shift in Rochelle.
But, compared to the over-stimulated handfuls of mangoo that spit invective the rest of the day on your station, you’re the tallest midget.
Congrats…
Whatchoo talkin’ ’bout Sloth?
Is dere a ovuhnite gig open in Rochelle?
Man, I am on it, Big Podnuh!!!!!
Um, excuse me but I believe that the Chip Caray terror ALERT system needs some reVISions…Mr. PUJOLS is 23 years old…hoivin’ mavin’…
Oh, Tommeeeee! Send your resume to us!
http://www.wrhl.net/
Now that the Cardinals have left town, does this mean the hotel can book my room again?
Can I cover the Jim Doolin funeral???
I tried to get Suppan to off himself at the Hilton, but he wouldn’t go for it. He’s just not a team player.
Whaddaya mean Hilton’s not a team player? Sure am! The size of my rear sphincter is proof!
Love the site!
XXXOOO
Paris
If you’ve ever need a cause….Here’s a petition that all MLB fans should sign.
http://www.petitiononline.com/fark421/petition.html
Where’s the petition to let me sing the National Anthem again? I’ve got to have a nice pair of manboobs by now.
I find it amusing when people who write as if no other teams have had injuries are the ones who find it amusing when people act like the Cubs are the only ones who have pitchers who get hurt.
And where’s the updated snap about what a sneaky BAD move it was to have Wood unserve his suspension to go to the DL?
They’rrrrrrrre Grrrreat!!
Help?
Having Wood ‘unserve’ his suspension actually makes sense considering the timing of it all. However, now that he’s out for an extra 2 1/2 weeks, it may behoove the Cubs to call him up 5 days before he’s scheduled to start…no harm, no foul…
Albert picked that up from me one day in the shower.
Dear Mr. Williams:
We have an overnight shift available for a man of your talents. Please scribble your resume on a hot dog wrapper and hand it to the Pakistani gentleman behind the counter.
Why is there no gamecast for Reds-Astros? Dave Obrien was just glowing over my beege.
Rear sphincter? As opposed to…?
Rick Sutcliffe and his comb-over were also gushing about Biggio. He even had the audacity to suggest that Biggio is the NL’s All-Star CF.
Man, where’s today’s Daily Dose? I said some stupid shit this morning, and I want to see what Andy writes about me today.
Walt, Sutcliffe is way behind on this one, I suggested that Biggio might be an All Star caliber center fielder LAST year.