Somehow the Cubs pulled this off. I don’t know of any other team that could suffer through this many injuries, play poorly in a series in Houston and then convince Major League Baseball to let them have four games in three days against their AAA affiliate and have those games count in the standings! Andy MacPhail gets my Executive of the Year vote for that feat alone. Impressive.
What, Pittsburgh’s not the Cubs AAA affiliate? Des Moines…Pittsburgh…Pittsburgh…Des Moines, what’s the difference?
OK, in one place you get black lung disease, in the other you get caught in a John Deere power take off and lose a couple limbs.
Other than that…same thing.
The pessimist sees the Cubs trip to Pittsburgh and forecasts four things:
1) Rain. It always rains in Pittsburgh. No wonder it’s the rust belt.
2) Jason Bay going nutty. In a doubleheader last year he hit nine homers and drove in 46 runs against the Cubs. That’s a lot. He doesn’t do that against anybody else.
3) The Cubs drawing the only two good Pirates’ starters, Kip Wells and Oliver Perez in the doubleheader meaning with the way the offense has played, you start the series 0-2.
4) Chip Caray will not get hit by a bus.
The optimist sees the Cubs trip to Pittsburgh and forecasts four things:
1) The Cubs offense reawakening in the park that they scored 21 runs in on April 20 and 21.
2) The rotation juggled so Carlos Zambrano and Matt Clement both get to pitch against the Pirates.
3) Kip Wells, remembers he’s Kip Wells in time to walk nine guys in three innings today.
4) Chip Caray gets a flesh eating virus. One could be lurking in that monobrow.
The Pirates are supposed to be the oasis in the middle of the Cubs’ June death march. It might be a good idea to actually win at least three of these games. Just a thought.
The Pirates are a team who had their opening day left fielder quit and go home. Something about a financial squabble with a former agent. Nothing says “financial solvency” more than quitting your only job, there Raul. Nice job.
The Pirates are a team with Daryle Ward playing first base. Not only is Daryle actually hitting right now (it won’t last…it never does), but he hit for the cycle in a game against the Cardinals on Wednesday. The cycle’s a pretty rare thing. The Cubs haven’t done it since 1993 when Mark Grace did it. Grace, as you might imagine, had no problem getting the single or the double. The homer was tough, but the triple was hardest of all. When you’ve smoked yourself to 19 percent lung capacity, sprinting 270 feet without a rest is tough work.
Nobody’s hit for a cycle against the Cubs since Willie McGee did it on June 23, 1984. I wonder if anything else important happened that day? Probably not. I suppose I could call Bruce Sutter and ask if he remembers. He probably doesn’t. But I’ll bet Ryne Sandberg and Whitey Herzog do.
The last Cubs inside the park homer happened in Pittsburgh in October of 2001. Sammy Sosa did it in the top of the third inning. Then, in the bottom of the third, Tony Womack hit one for the Pirates.
The odds of that are about as good as Cleotha Walker hitting an inside the park grand slam. But yes, Chico did that, in August of 1991 in San Francisco. I would imagine that the wind had something to do with that, and perhaps all of those hot dog wrappers that used to blow around the field at Candlestick, and just maybe, the left fielder got shot by an Alcatraz prison guard.
Sure, Alcatraz has been closed for 40 years, but…oh, never mind.
The Cubs active roster now includes the following players:
Jason Dubois
Dave Kelton
Sergio Meat Tray
Damian Jackson
Glendon Rusch
Jimmy Anderson
Mike Wuertz
Gabor Bako the second
Jose Macias
The only good news is that Dusty can’t use Tom Goodwin for a while. But take a look at that list. How the hell are you supposed to go tot he playoffs with any of that playing major roles? Of the list, the only guys you are comfortable with are Dubois and Kelton, and that’s mainly because they haven’t played enough to make you want to jam your eyes out with a scorecard pencil when they come to bat.
I have done extensive research and no team in Major League history has ever made the playoffs with the first name triumvirate of Sergio, Gabor and Glendon on its roster.
You know how Dusty seems to like to put the worst possible lineup on the field at times? He can really do it up right, right now, can’t he?
You just know that at some point in the doubleheader today, you’ll look out on the field and somehow, Ramon Martinez, Jose Macias, Damian Jackson, Gabor Bako, Lenny Harris and Troy O’Leary will be in the game. It’s impossible, but still, it’s going to happen.
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Groucho’s big advice for the Bulls today is to trade Eddy Curry. That seems like a good idea to me, too. That way, Corie Blount can play center next year. That seems like a great idea.
Groucho seems to have softened his stance on Luol Deng. He quotes a scout as saying Deng reminds him of Cedric Maxwell. Cedric Maxwell? Are you s@#$ing me? How old is this scout? Has he seen a basketball game since 1987? Couldn’t he find one current player, just one, who remotely resembles Deng? What’s next, this “scout” is going to say that somebody’s got the towel-waving skills of ML Carr? Maybe there’s a guy out there who projects to be the next Fred Roberts! Ooh! Let’s compare every draft prospect to a Celtic from the ’70s and ’80s! Surely, there’s a player out there who could fill the Connor Henry role! Hey, look, this kid here, with all the freckles! It’s Dennis Johnson!
Back to Groucho’s trade ideas. He’d like to see the Bulls trade Curry and the number three pick to the Grizzlies for Shane Battier and Pau Gasol. Is Groucho sniffing toilet bowl cleaner again? Wow, that’d be a pretty imposing squad next year with Kirk Hinrich, Jamal Crawford, Shane Battier, Pau Gasol and Tyson Chandler, wouldn’t it? Wow! That team there could challenge for the title! In the Mid-Continent Conference!
His other bright idea is Curry, the Junkyard Dog and the number three pick for Ray Allen and the number 12 pick. I like Ray Allen and he scored 23 points a game last year. That’s good! He’s only 28. That’s great! His knees are about 40! Oh.
John Paxson is smarter than Groucho and I combined. Regrettably, so is the desk that your computer is sitting on, but I digress. Paxson so far has mainly been getting rid of people. He sent Bill Cartwright away before every last shred of dignity frayed away from the man. He sent Jalen Rose to Canada, risking the fact that the trade would be nullified if Jalen’s ego got rejected by customs. Those were good moves. I’m not so sure that getting rid of Eddy right now would be the same thing.
Eddy needs one more offseason to show if he’s ever going to actually work out and get in shape. How old is Eddy, 21? Twenty-one! Give Scott Skiles a full training camp with him and then see how he does. The same teams drooling over his potential now, will be drooling over it in November. Hell, you could probably still do either of Groucho’s trades then.
What you see with high school players in the NBA is that there are three kinds. There are the Kobe Bryants, and LeBron Jameses (Jameses? Really? Never mind the plurality.) who are ready quickly and just light people up. There are the Tracy McGradys of the world who take a while and light it up for their second team. Then there are the rest, the guys who flame out and are never heard from again. Eddy’s either going to be the second or the third, it’s too late for him to be the first.
But if you’ve already invested this much time in him, doesn’t it seem a little foolhardy to just cast him aside now? Like it or not, he’s yours. You might as well see what the hell he turns into.
But that’s just me.
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A Boston Red Sox obsessed site, bostondirtdogs.com just got bought by Boston.com, and they will start supplying their content to that Web site, which is basically the Boston Globe online. You could say it’d be like the Tribune buying Desipio and having us be a part of ChicagoSports.com. But you’d be wrong.
Here’s why, go look at Boston Dirt Dogs. It sucks. The writers aren’t particularly witty or insightful, the readers are dumber than a box of hair and the whole thing is just a little…lacking…in everything.
But you guys know I’d never sell out. I’d never ruin this great thing we have here. Who has more fun than we do here at Desipio? See, I’d never leave.
At least not without a big stack of cash to fashion into a getaway car.
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Click on the Google banner ads, by the way.
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There will be one Cubs! Live thread tonight for both games of the doubleheader. We’re back to our weekday only games schedule now, but since the first game starts at 4:00 p.m. that counts. However, whenever the Cubs play the Astros, Cardinals or White Sox, regardless of the game time or day, we’ll have a thread for it. Does that make any sense?
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The injuries are getting to Dusty. What the hell does this mean? “There’s a north, a south, an east and a west. There’s a black and a white. There’s dark and light. There always has to be an opposite to everything, and until someone tells me the opposite of players’ manager, that doesn’t mean anything to me.”
The opposite of a players’ manager? That’d be Larry Bowa.
Great, Wellemeyer never pitched, and pulled a muscle he never uses. How perfect.
Missy Isaacson on Hawk Harrelson. I knew all I needed to about Hawk after the former Red Sox player signed on to broadcast Yankees games. At least he’s the guy who fired Tony LaRussa. That earned him some points.
Notre Dame’s trying to juggle their schedule so they can be 0-1 when they play Michigan instead of 0-0.
Rick Morrissey on former ND basketball player Danielle Green and her service in Iraq.
John Jackson says Dan Patrick has a good radio show. What, John just now noticed? If Ron Dibble could just fall in a hole, and Sean Salisbury would fall on him, the show would be perfect. And, Jackson buys the ESPN company line that Tony Kornheiser quit his radio show because of too many obligations with PTI and his Washington Post stuff. That’s crap. Tony said in his last show that ESPN wouldn’t let him do the show the way he wanted to anymore, so he quit it. Jackson also says that Chicago likes their sports radio local. Dopes do. I want to hear about the Cubs and Bears but I can’t take hours and hours of it. If ESPN didn’t hire dopes like Dan McNeil and Doughnuts Mariotti to do their “local” shows, they’d have a real shot at beating the Score. That and maybe pumping up the signal on that tin can they taped to the top of the Hancock Building.
Jim Hendry loves Corey Patterson. Maybe a little too much. And this, from a guy who gets flamed on his own Web site for defending Corey…a little. Yikes, indeed.
Jay Williams endorses Luol.
Hey, Ron Turner finally backed into a good football recruit.
George Ofman is reporting that the Astros are LYING! LYING!
Raul Mondesi may resurface as an Angel. Yeah, they’re pretty thin in left and right field, you know with just Vlad Guerrero and Jose Guillen.
Now how’s Jason Kidd supposed to get Byron Scott fired again, if he’s way down in New Orleans?
Kordell Stewart is ready to sign with the Ravens. Oh, there’s a pair, Brian Billick and Kordell.
Apparently, all John Kerry needs to do to be elected is to get a Republican to run with him. Why doesn’t John McCain just run against Bush himself?
Can this kid be in Pittsburgh today by four?
All right, who put this clown in the Hall of Fame?
America’s finest news source with a naive teacher who actually believes in her students.
Maybe the Cubs should petition the National League to have dominating pitchers banned from pitching against them.
What? You want me banned from pitching against you?
"Why doesn’t John McCain just run against Bush himself?"
Tried it and lost 4 years ago, remember? Remember how those war hawks had the nerve to call me unstable? Unstable? YOU try spending three years in a an enemy prison.
Must be nice to stay home, get drunk (Bush) and knock up your wife (Cheney) instead of fighting.
The only one seeing me this weekend is Dave B. if heads out to any I-Cubs’ games. I just got sent down.
Cub fans, get ready for the arrival of the great Rey Ordonez!!!!
Yay?
I wonder if Rey can play even worse than me?
Hey maybe we’ll get lucky with Ordonez. He was off to a good start at the plate last year before getting injured. And while I don’t think he’d have hit .300 all season, we just need him to be a stop gap for awhile anyway (at least I hope we don’t expect to go the rest of the season with this guy). At the very worst, it at least gets Martinez off the field. Everybody in the league (even Baker) knows that Ramon gets exposed when he plays everyday. But when the other option is Damian Jackson, is there really another option?
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And after 6, it’s the Bad Guys 11, the White Sox 2.
White Sox in first? Cubs not in first?
You can put it on the boooooaaaaard!
YESSSSSS!!!!!
Suddenly, I’ve become like all 6000 Sux fans. More obsessed & envy-riddled with the team across town than with my own eff-ing team.
Why don’t they let me wear my hats that say "The Hawk" anymore?
My life depends on being recognized and schmoozed in public.
Say that again, Hawk?
God damn it.
I have missed a good 1500 hours of sleep so far this season, trying to come up with another idiotic catch phrase.
You know, something to make all 250 Sux fans interested in the telecasts, since they sure as hell don’t give a rip about the team.
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Uh huh.
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Who needs a haircut? I’ll give you one during the fifth inning in the clubhouse!
Get ready for a weekend full of Chip saying, "Ordonez left the Padres when it became evident that he couldn’t beat out the great Khalil!"
I won’t even hear it and it’s making me nauseous.
Don’t look now, but a bad weekend and the Brewers will pass the Cubs into third. Hell, they might pass the Astros for second.
The cubs could be in last place. I think this four game set is as important if not more than the next three with the astros. If we lose three or four to the pirates, then we must sweep the astros, facing oswalt and clemens. That’s why Dusty is starting the big Z on Sunday instead of Monday. The time to win is now.
Rey you dumbass, don’t you even know the difference between you and me? I got the haircut at Shea, after following you there, and now I’m in Tampa, after following you there. Hey Cub fans, guess who’s triumphant return you can look forward to next year?
Hey Andy, is it time yet to admit that the one armed Jeff Bagwell is still,and has always been, better than D Lee? i would just like to see it in writing
I do agree with one thing mentioned in the Hawk article. Too many commentators won’t just shut the hell up and let people watch the game.
We suffer through it every game with Chip’s inane ramblings. The only time the guy shuts his yap is to leave the "Damn" out when he’s doing promos for "The Best ____ Sports Show Period."
Freakin’ boy scout…
Tex — no.
Hugh — Fox doesn’t have Chip read the Best Damn…promos anymore.
Great – there goes my only split second of Chip-less relief…
Let the friggin’ kid pitch, youse sonsabitches. I’ll shove a friggin’ toasta in ya ear..
Does everyone realize I have thrown no hit ball this year at the major league level. What more do you people want. Literally my stuff was "no hit" material.
Am I trade bait when Wood and Prior come back?
No, Railsplitter, you are not. Not unless Hendry somehow wakes up one of these mornings with a 212-lb pair of balls.
Tex, what did you think Andy would say about the crazy notion that Bagwell is better than Lee?
This is the same Andy who wrote that, at .273, there’s no more disappointing player in the league right now.
Rigoddamnediculous statement, even before you bother considering that Lee’s a career .264 hitter.
Hello, Morandar,
I’m sure those great power numbers Lee is putting up make up for that mediocre batting average.
We get our second dose of Bako in four days. Too much for me. Rey O. is battin’ second.
Oh Mr Lee…..
Currently @ .268/.360/.418
Lifetime @ .264/.353/.467
Projected 2004: 149H, 14HR, 76RBI, 7SB
Average season: 158H, 24HR, 79RBI, 10SB
The biggest dissappointment is his lack of power. Pro Player is much more of a pitchers park than Wrigley is (and if you check the data over the last 4 years, Wrigley was a pitchers park). His power should’ve gone up. So it wouldn’t be unreasonable to expect 40+ HR and 100+ RBI (on the high end). More realistically a 30HR, 80 RBI campaign. As it is he’s going to fall well shy of last years numbers.
Dissappointment-yes. Biggest-no.
Here are the current season projections for the Cubs…
ALOU, MOISES .313 45 116
BAKO, PAUL .175 0 17
BARRETT, MICHAEL .297 30 94
DUBOIS, JASON CHC 1B 120 90 30 .333 0 30 0 60
HOLLANDSWORTH, TODD .344 29 48
LEE, DERREK .268 14 76
MARTINEZ, RAMON .208 0 35 0 79
PATTERSON, COREY .250 18 67 22SB
RAMIREZ, ARAMIS .289 35 125
SOSA, SAMMY .291 43 103
WALKER, TODD .269 20 62 0 74
I believe these are based on a full season.
The pitchers projections are screwy. On one hand it has Matt Clement going 21-10 and Andy Pratt going 0-30 (as if there’s any doubt he’d lose 30 games if he stared them). On the other hand it has Glendon Rusch going 48-0 and SloJoe getting 59 saves.
Joe getting 59 saves? Yeah, in 159 chances.
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