It was noted during our Cubs gamecast yesterday that the Cubs are playing uninspired, non-aggressive baseball. Which got me to thinking. If you don’t hit, how can you look inspired? I’m not ready to criticize the Cubs for not trying, because I think they are. When your active roster has guys who shouldn’t be there at this point, like Jason Dubois, Dave Kelton, Rey Ordonez, Jimmy Anderson, Mike Wuertz, etc. you’ve got problems. It’s going to be hard to win games. That’s what’s happening.

The Cubs are sending the Meat Tray and “From bad to” Wuertz back to Iowa today and will activate some guy named The Franchise and Kent Mercker tomorrow. That’ll help. Hell, at this point, what’s going to hurt?

Sammy Sosa’s taking “dry swings” as part of his rehab. I don’t even want to know what that means. I pointed out in the gamecast that I know what a “dry hump” is, and really, it’s not all that much fun. Dry swings? Who thinks up this crap?

What we need is a break from the Cubs for a day. They get today off. So, so do we. We’ll pick up the obsessing over them tomorrow. It’s like a mental health day from the Cubs.

So what do we talk about?

Isn’t it obvious?

The NBA Finals start on Sunday! After only a six day layoff! Whoo! I’m psyched. I’m ready. Let’s break down the Finals position by position.

Kobe Bryant v. Richard “Rip” Hamilton

Kobe is the best all around player in the NBA today. He can take it to the hole with vigorish. He loves to back you down. He can score from any angle.

But enough about last summer’s vacation. Oh, I kill me.

Look, it’s just pointless to do a breakdown of the NBA Finals. The Pistons have nobody who can guard Shaq or Kobe. Who’s going to score for Detroit? The only truly favorable matchup they have is Chauncey Billups over Gary Payton. It’d be two, if Rasheed Wallace still had the fascia on his plantar (huh?), but he’s nearly as hobbled by that as Karl Malone is by being old.

Larry Brown coaching a scrappy team against LA? Yeah, we saw this movie and it lasted five.

This one won’t go longer than that, either.

OK, this is sort of Cubs related, but it’s more George Ofman related, and really, who can resist the sexy man that is Captain Fivehead himself, George O?

Anyway, back on March 31, an intrepid reader who’s name has been withheld to protect him from George’s goons (although, I’ll give you a hint, his initials are Dave Bohnenkamp), exchanged e-mails with George over Ofman’s on-air assertion (twice an hour all freakin’ day long) that the Cubs had lied about Mark Prior’s injury and that he’d be out until at least “mid-July.”

In fact, one of these e-mails from George contained this infamous line:
the writers are bitterly angry at the cubs, with the exception of kiley….FOR LYING! i know. you don’t.

Nice that George can only use the shift key to YELL in an e-mail.

Anyway, tomorrow is, according to my calendar, June 4 and a look at the pitching matchups shows that some guy named Mark Prior is going to pitch for the Cubs. Now, this is not mid-July, at least as far as I can tell.

So, as was suggested to me, and it seems like a good idea, how about we all take a moment out of our busy day tomorrow and send George a belated Happy Fourth of July e-mail! Since Prior is pitching, it must be mid-July. We must have missed our nation’s birthday. How could we be so foolish? So careless? We’re 228 this year, you know.

Send your e-mails to georgeofman@670thescore.com

Sunday night is, of course, the season finale of The Sopranos. It’s been a great season, even if it’s been too short, and we had that 30-minute dream sequence and we saw Edie Falco’s naked butt.

So what’s going to happen in the finale?

Glad you asked.

The program description for this week is this:
ALL DUE RESPECT (season finale)
Tony’s crew circles the wagons as Johnny Sack turns up the heat. Carmela counts her blessings; Christopher is freaked out by an unexpected visitor; Benny’s connection to the plumbers’ union comes in handy; AJ demonstrates his business acumen; and Tony ponders whether to execute a “sacrifice bunt.”

Let’s break this down.

Tony’s crew circles the wagons as Johnny Sack turns up the heat
Silvio in a cowboy hat? Paulie with an Indian headdress? Chrissy driving a chuckwagon?

Fine, we know that’s not what they mean. You could see in the previews for this week that Tony had the whole crew assembled at dinner. They’re ready to go to war. As for Johnny Sack turning up the heat? Well, Phil Leotardo is shown beating somebody in the head with a tire iron. I’d say things are getting warm.

Carmela counts her blessings
I think Tony had to fork over 600,000 “blessings” to buy that lot for her last week. That’s a lot to count.

Christopher is freaked out by a surprise visitor
You know…we never actually saw Adrianna die. Then again, Silvio’s the one who whacked her, so we know it got done. If it was Paulie, there’d be a good chance she was running around the Pine Barrens with the Russian. So who’s back to freak out Christopher? The female FBI agent? Tim Daly back from rehab? Tyne Daly back from the set of “Judging Amy?”

Benny’s connection to the plumbers’ union comes in handy
For those of you who don’t know, Benny is part of the Sopranos crew, and he’s played by Max Casella, the kid best known for playing Vinny on “Doogie Howser”. He was the undersexed kid who crawled in Doogie’s window every night. Somehow it was less creepy when Joey used to climb through Dawson’s window like that.

How would Benny’s connection to the plumber’s union come in handy? Well, it could be useful to have sewer access to dispose of the body of a) a New York “soldier”, b) a large, gay Sopranos family member with a crush on Meadow’s finace, c) Tony eats a lot of beef…sometimes a plunger just won’t suffice.

AJ demonstrates his business acumen God love, AJ, but the kid is dumber than a box of hair. We all know this. So if he’s demonstraing any acumen, it’s more likely he’s demonstrating a complete lack of it. What’s he selling? Drugs? O-Town tickets? Naked photos of his sister? His mom? Himself? Eww.

Tony ponders whether to execute a “sacrifice bunt.”
Only if Don Baylor wrote this episode. This has to be Tony still trying to decide whether to whack Tony B. But after his “Go f@#$ yourself. He’s my cousin,” line last week to Johnny Sack, I don’t think that’s the case. I know who he could sacrifice, though. Nobody would miss Artie Bucco? Would you? Or Janice. Who’s going to be sad to see Janice go bye bye? Anybody?

Anyway, we’ll all just have to tune in on Sunday night to find out. And then we can wait 18 months for the next season.

Sigh.


Don’t forget to click on the Google ads. Thanks.

Oooh! Adam Caldarelli is going to do one of his entertaining “From the Cubicle” things during Prior’s comeback tomorrow! Whatever.

Dusty expects The Franchise to help get the Cubs back on track. Ya don’t say?

Corey’s the new whipping boy. Congratulations!

Hmm? Wasn’t Maggs supposed to be out for a just a few days with a calf strain? Now he needs knee surgery. What, were the Sox LYING!?!

Rosey with a lame Out Loud thing with the always relevant, Red Auerbach. What, Dick Harter wasn’t available?

Roger Powell is pulling out of the NBA Draft. I’m stunned! Shocked!

Mike Downey’s writing proves he knows about slumps.

Mariotti puts down the doughnut to write about “the Rocket Hole.” So many Andy Pettitte jokes, so little time.

Greg Couch’s column on the Sox need to sign Magglio might have been better had it not been published on the day we find out he needs knee surgery and will be out until the All Star Break.

Hee hee! Hee hee!

Guess who the Cubs play next weekend?

Kurt Warner’s a Giant. At least Brenda won’t have to change the color of her feather boa!

Tim Kirjljklkjlj;kj;jlk says that current baseball parity could slow the progress of trade talks. Yeah, because Cincinnati, Detroit and Texas are really going to stay in their races.

The CIA needs a director. I’ll go dust off my resume.

How many Taiwanese does it take to change a lightbulb? Apparently, two.

Sure, but who hasn’t done this?

Just because:

Kate Beckinsale

America’s finest news source says that most American’s haven’t decided who to vote against this year.