I just thought I’d trot out the lamest headline I could think of today.

The runners up?

– On your MARK, get set, go!
– Prior committment!
– Look out National League, The Franchise is coming to kick your butt!

Frankly, I’m going to miss the Meat Tray. But Matt Clement is due for a groin tear any day now, so the Meat Tray bought a round trip bus ticket to Des Moines in anticipation.

Hey, do you think we could go a whole day without talking about Corey Patterson?

Of course not. Rick Morrissey actually writes a pretty decent column about Corey today. But we need to revisit what intrepid reader Chuck said about Corey in a post earlier today on the thread from yesterday’s Dose.

Intrepid reader# 32: Chuck
Andy:

The reason Korey frustrates is NOT because he “played so well last year.” A look at the numbers reveals he really didn’t. He had a huge opening day, made a bunch of baserunning errors, and played a mediocre outfield.

The reason he frustrates is that he’s been given more chances than any other player with a similar record deserves. As TW and I have pointed out, other than Low A, he’s sucked at every level. He’s got an uncoachable attitude. He refuses to learn from mistakes.

What does he have going for him? The same thing John Thierry had going for him: A physique.

And for all the Moneyball sycophants out there, how long does it take people to realize that Korey is just a bad player?

Gary Scott got 175 MLB at bats before his career was over.
Kevin Orie got 1,051 MLB at bats before his career was over.
Patterson has over 1,200 MLB at bats and still going.

Those guys are missing one thing that Korey has – a bonus.

It’s just so wrong. For so many reasons. I understand the sentiment. But Gary Scott? Kevin Orie?

And this line, made me Chuck-le.

The reason Korey frustrates is NOT because he “played so well last year.” A look at the numbers reveals he really didn’t. He had a huge opening day, made a bunch of baserunning errors, and played a mediocre outfield.

So he didn’t play well last year? He wasn’t going to be an All-Star until he got hurt right as the 25th man ballotting started? We didn’t all see just how good he was in the outfield when Kenny Lofton showed up and kept watching flyballs go over his head?

Corey’s overall numbers last year.
83 games, .298 avg., 13 HR, 55 RBI
If you take away his opening day 4-6 with two homers and seven RBI (which, I’m not quite sure why you would, but you want to, so let’s…)
82 games, .291 avg., 11, 48

But I really enjoyed the comparisons to Kevin Orie and Gary Scott.
Orie’s best season was 1998 when he hit .275 with eight homers and 44 RBI.
His career numbers were a whopping .249 with 22 homers and 116 RBI.

Scott? Career numbers of .160, 3, 16.

Anyway, Chuck is a well-reasoned individual. Like all of us, he gets fired up from time to time. He wants to blame Corey for the Cubs current fourth placedness and I don’t begrudge him. I prefer to blame it on the real culprit. I’m blaming it on Chip Caray.

OK, not really. But I didn’t re-post Chuck’s post because I thought it was ridiculous. It’s not. I used it because it perfectly summed up the sentiment we get about Corey during the gamecasts. I’m part of it, too. I rip on him both as myself, or under a witty pseudonym when he does dumb things and strikes out with the bases loaded. So I don’t want Chuck to think I was picking on him. He was singing for the chorus on that post. That’s why I used it.

Anyway…

Here’s what really gets me. This is the thing that sticks in my craw. I’m not sure where the craw is located, but this is sticking in it.

We’re frustrated with Derrek Lee, there’s no doubt about it. I can’t bring myself to not like Derrek yet, though. But it could be coming.

Here are the numbers for Derrek and Corey so far this year.
Derrek Lee: .257 avg., .340 on base, .421 slg., 5 HR, 27 RBI, 42 K, 20 BB, 3 SB
Corey Patterson: .257 avg., .316 on base, .414 slg., 6 HR, 21 RBI, 44 K, 16 BB, 7 SB

Pardon me if the huge difference in these stats doesn’t leap off the page at me. Derrek has a slight edge in some categories, sure. But I just don’t see it.

Basically, what it says to me is that both Corey and Derrek have sucked so far. Throw in the abyss at shortstop and you’ve got a horribly uneven offense. Like we didn’t know that already.

If even just one of the two guys would start to play well, it’d make a huge difference.

And finally, for the last time, for those who can’t tell that we don’t actually blame the struggles of a team on Gabor Bako, but rather just enjoy making fun of a pretty lousy player, I can’t help you. You’ll fit right in over on Cubstalk.com though, so pull up a stool.


Here’s a really good article on Mark Prior. The best I’ve ever read on his background.

Mariotti puts down the doughnut to sink to a new low. He devotes his entire column (and I would assume most of today’s radio show) to this story about a Mark Prior autograph signing. Allow me to be the first to give this a big “Who gives a f@#$?”

Middling baseball mind Phil Rogers wrote this same, damn, thing for ESPN.com on Tuesday. Nice work if you can get it. Even if you can’t pull it off.

Did Rob Mackowiak’s wife give birth to a baby, or kidney stones? I’m confused.

Magglio has to decide whether to have his knee fixed, or continue to play on it while it’s hurt. Just how hard is that choice? Especially since the Sox 500 pound trainer, Herm Schneider contends that with rest, the knee is actually getting worse?

Seabiscuit’s Jockey reminds us of all-things absurd in Cubdom so far this year. Great?

I like Avani Patel, I think she writes good stuff, but I don’t get this thing about the Notre Dame baseball team? Does she think they’re good, or not?

John Jackson on the new Comcast Sports Channel. A few things about this. First, Gary Miller is apparently in the lead to be the “face” of the channel. Let’s just keep him away from bar rooftops. Gail Fisher’s future in Chicago is in some doubt. Which is too bad considering just recently she’s actually figured out how to comb her hair. Also, if you currently can only access Fox Sports Net Chicago through DirecTV you may well be screwed when Comcast takes over the Cubs broadcasts. Comcast and DirecTV hate each other, and while eventually Comcast will end up on DirecTV, it could take a while.

Sammy’s ready to take some “wet cuts!” Yay?

The Bulls may strike a deal for Eddy Curry after all. Re-signing him, not trading him. Sorry, Groucho.

Devin Harris is taking his overbite to the NBA. No looking back now.

Rick Telander is college pals with one of Gary Barnett’s lawyers. This column is a little less painful than most. But come on, do we really NOT think that Gary’s a scumbag?

The East St. Louis police want to chat with Darius Miles. Never a good thing. Imagine this, a Trail Blazers player under investigation for drugs? Really?

This was linked to yesterday in the discussion area of the Dose, but it needs it’s own link. Another excerpt from Jeff Pearlman’s book, “The Bad Guys Won” on the 1986 Mets. My own favorite Jeff Pearlman moment was when he sent me an e-mail to tell me I was a “wad of crap.” Hey, thanks! Now why don’t you run along and go make fun of David Wells’ mom, again?

Obviously, somebody wanted to prove that there’s more than one way to skin a cat.

OJ is still a dumbass.

Canadians don’t normally shower in car washes? They don’t know what they’re missing.

America’s finest news source says that a Minnesota man is ready to reopen his investigation of the 1998 disappearance of his rake.