We all knew something was wrong. Not since his tragic one start cameo in 2001 had Joe Borowski looked as lost and as anemic as he did to start this season. After putting up ERAs of 2.73 (in 73 appearances) in 2002 and 2.63 (68 apps) in 2004, Joe’s ERA this year is 13423.54. That’s pretty high.
OK, it’s only 8.02. Eight point oh two! That’s not an ERA it’s a Richter Scale reading from a cheesy disaster movie.
Only, the only cheesy disaster so far this year had been Joe’s performance. You have to give him credit though. He was consistent.
Consistently awful.
Home ERA 8.18
Road ERA 7.84
Day ERA 7.90
Night ERA 8.22
Guh.
So the Cubs put him on the DL and Dusty Baker found himself in the awkward situation of hoping the doctors find something wrong with Joe. If there’s something wrong, you fix it. If there’s nothing wrong…well, the Mexican League is always looking for relievers.
I found myself in the uncomfortable situation of agreeing with something Jay Mariotti put in his column today. Unlike Jay, I realize the Cubs have installed small electronic message boards in no less than three spots in the park and yes, they show radar readings on them. But anyway…
What I agreed with was Mariotti’s assertion that Joe is not the typical athlete who cashed in a big payday and then went bust. It’s impossible to not like Joe Borowski. He’s paid his dues and then some. He works hard, he’s fearless on the mound (even when he’s throwing up complete garbage) and he never looks for an excuse. Even if his right arm has fallen off and he never pitches again for the Cubs, he’s worth the money the Cubs are paying him this year and next. They didn’t pay him squat (in relation to other baseball players) in his two good seasons, so if he get paid for doing nothing this year and next, he’s already earned it.
The Cubs prepared for Joe’s demise this offseason when they paid “closer’s money” to LaTroy Hawkins. Now LaTroy gets to earn it. He will. Don’t listen to the dopes who tell you that LaTroy failed as a closer with the Twins and can’t do the job.
In 2001 Hawkins was in only his second season in the bullpen. He was uncharacteristically wild and finished the season a mediocre 28-37 in saves and the telling stats were that he walked more guys (39) than he struck out (36) in 62 innings. Since then, Hawkins has put up some sick numbers.
169 appearances, 16 wins, three losses, 1.89 ERA, 163 strikeouts, 35 walks. If you’re not named Eric Gagne you’ll blow a save now and then, but if the Cubs just saddle up LaTroy and ride him through the ninth inning the rest of the way, he’ll be one of the three best closers in the National League.
But you knew that.
What the loss of Joe does is move everybody else up a spot. The ninth inning is fine, with Hawkins. But The Farns and Frank Beltran become the eighth inning righthanders. If you just considered their talent, there’d be no problem. But The Farns is prone to doing dumb things (like blowing two fastballs buy a guy, only to hang an 0-2 slider for a homer) and Frank has a whopping 28 big league appearances. Frank will be fine though. Right?
Getting Mike Remlinger and Kent Mercker back was big for the Cubs because it meant another trip to Iowa for Mike Wuertz.
With The Franchise’s unbelievable return (even for him, that performance on Friday was just absurd–how freakin’ good is this guy?), the pitching is fine. There’s an angry, young Texan who needs to get healthy, and once that happens, it’ll be even finer. Finer? Oh, never mind. It was a long weekend.
We’ve talked about the 38 game march to the sea the Cubs are on right now. If they can somehow go 19-19 they’ll be in good shape for a 2003 Marlins’ like run to the playoffs (with hopefully, the same end result). So far, they’re 3-3. But maybe they’re starting to catch some breaks.
Generalissimo Albie Pujols, Sr. will miss some games this week (maybe all four) against the Cubs because like many old people he fell down and broke his hip. He’s one pneumonia contraction away from his own State funeral. The Cubs also could play the White Sox all six times this year with Magglio Ordonez on the DL. The guy who really needs to hit the DL to help the Cubs is Carlos Lee, but there’s plenty of time for him to pull something.
The Cubs are not playing well. The Cardinals are playing as well as they have all season. There’s only one thing left to do.
Somebody cue The Lawnmower!
“It’s time to go out there and kill the Cardinals!”
Exactly.
Who cares if the Cardinals have won nine of their last eleven? Who cares if the Cubs have played like the glory days of Bruce Kimm? (My favorite moment of the Bruce Kimm era was when Alex Gonzalez threw him to the ground during an argument in San Francisco. And Bruce was on Alex’s side in the argument.) Let’s look at it positively. The Cubs have won two in a row. The Cardinals have lost one in a row. The Cubs are hot! Look out!
We’ll have Cubs Live! threads set up for all four games. So be there. Or else.
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Only on The Sopranos would last night’s finale have been anti-climactic. Think of all the stuff that happened.
If you haven’t seen it yet, scroll down to the next bolded text.
– One of the best scenes in TV history when Tony stopped by Paulie’s apartment. We see Paulie steaming one of his suits. Paulie’s wearing a ‘Dago tee, jogging pants and suspenders. Nice look. Tony sees the Pie-o-my painting that he told Paulie to burn after the horse died. When was that, three years ago? Anyway, there it was, and I had almost forgotten that Paulie had a painter put a Napoleon outfit on Tony. Just hilarious.
– Tony B. paying his hooker, only to have her thank him for a massage.
– Tony S. blowing half of Tony B’s face off with a shotgun.
– Two great scenes with Silvio. The first when Chrissy was bitching about how Tony was going overboard to help his other cousin. Silvio says, “You, of all people shouldn’t say that. Do I need to go into specifics?” The second, the “With all due respect” chat with Tony. Silvio must have uttered those four words about 19 times in three minutes.
– Tony and Carmella wondering if AJ is gay because he inquired with his college advisor about colleges with Event Planning majors.
– Tony and Christopher dismissing Ade’s death because, “She wanted to hand me over to the feds because she couldn’t do five years!”
– The sight gag of the year when the FBI agents chase Johnny Sack down only to have him fall face first into the snow.
– And the capper, Tony walking however far it is from Sack’s house to his, only to have Carmella yell at him for tracking his wet shoes through the house. What, he couldn’t call Paulie or Silvio to pick him up? He had to walk? Where does Johnny Sack live?
The worst part? The final season is set to air, starting in May of 2006. 2006?
Those of you who haven’t seen the finale yet can start reading again.
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The shocking part of last night’s first game of the NBA Finals wasn’t the Pistons win. It was Stu Scott doing sideline reporting. What? Why? Huh? What, Arsenio Hall’s not available? Do we need this jabbering dumbass on national TV? It’s bad enough when he’s on ESPN. I’m getting nauseous just thinking about it.
The best thing the Pistons did last night was to remind Karl Malone and Gary Payton just how old they are. Do I think Detroit can win the series?
No.
Move along.
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Once again, I remind you that the popularity of Desipio is a great thing, but it’s only affordable to me, the moran who publishes the site, if you all click on a few Google ad banners every visit? Is it so much to ask?
And, just to get you in the mood for tonight…
and…
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Just when you think Greg Maddux is done, he bounces back with two of his best games in a long time. I still think he faked his “oblique” injury last Monday so that The Farns would have more time to warm up.
Albie hasn’t been that hot. He’s only hitting .559 in his last nine games. Too bad about the hammy! Muahahahahahahahahahaha!
I reacted to the Cubs disabling of Irregular Joe with the same kind of “Awww, shucks” you normally feel when a friend tells you he has to go have his dog put to sleep.
The Cubs could use several guys to close games. Just as long as none are Jimmy Anderson.
Ronald Reagan “did” the Cubs in 1988.
Luol wants to be a Bull. They’re so cute at this age!
Groucho wonders where MJ will next resurface. I’d imagine it’ll be under a pile of naked women. At least that’s how it’d be if I were MJ.
Jim Thome is good people. Remember when the Cubs could have had him for nothing but cash? That’s why you’ll never see Carlos Beltran here. Just remember that.
Mariotti puts down the doughnut for the aforementioned effort on Joe.
The MLB draft is today. Oooh, feel the buzz!
Underwear supermodel Len Pasquarelli on Denny Green’s Cardinals.
Peter King’s Monday Morning Quarterback.
Albie might go on the DL. Awww, that’s terrible!
Wait, how can David Hasselhoff get a DUI? Kitt drives itself!
Estella does that for me at Scores, too.
Cameron’s not on the market guys. She’s all mine.
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There is a differnce between infirmity and injury. Unfortunately, MLB only has a disabled list, not an aged and infirm list. If baseball had the latter, then maybe there could be special exceptions in the rules for senior citizens (read Maddux and Borowski), who, with some rest and chemical enhancement could every so often provide us with a decent outing. (I am not referring to an Edmonds’ type of outing).
But I have bad skin….
My high school baseball team that I used to play for and now help coach got to play at Busch after the game yesterday. All the players walked by us after the game and Pujols didn’t have his cane with him, he was walking fine unfortunetly. And yes, Izzy does drive a huge camoflauged (spelled right?) pick up truck. How fitting, he does play in Missouri. Last thing I noticed is that I think Reggie Sanders body is slowly decaying. He looks like a coke head and gets skinnier everyday. Go Cubs!
Truths that are self-evident:
1) Joe Bo made a deal with Satan, it expired last year, and this DL trip is a face-saving gesture, as transparent as Mariah Carey’s dresses
2) Estella Warren ain’t on the short list for Rhodes Scholarships
3) I still think Fredbird is laying the smack down on that old lady
4) If Jim Thome were here right now, well, we might be worrying about whether or not they are going to re-sign Kerry Wood. I’m just saying.
5) Corey Patterson needs to go on the DL, for a ruptured cornea. Some of the pitches he was swinging at, he couldn’t have possibly seen.
Did anyone note that my last act on earth (death) prompted Fox to cut into its broadcast of the Sox and Mariners Saturday afternoon for at least 30 minutes?
How many South Siders grumbled about not even getting a chance to watch the Sox when they’re on national TV?
Just in case you’re wondering, I am a Cubs fan.
OH, BTW: I didn’t post the nasty pic of Cameron Diaz.
She too old for me.
Reagan’s dead? I am in control.
Seriously…Reagan’s dead? When did that happen??
Dammit Hendry! I’m a Sux fan!!!
Please trade me & Blasko to our beloved.
You’re dead too.
Speaking of Estella…One of the things you can’t help but notice in Funky Bunch’s Apes remake is her hair lip. It’s nasty.
C’mon Jimbo! Pick me! Big Bro has been giving me hitting tips over the phone.
Hey, while you’re posting pictures to get in the mood for the Cardinal series, why don’t you show the one of my yacht? That’s a classic!! It’s also where I’ll be hanging out for this series!!
Will anyone notice when I die?
I died on Saturday.
This series will go to the Cubs. This will show the Cubs true colors. If you notice, they have done enough to get by when they need to. They need this series. Baker will do his part too in making lineup changes when they need to be made in clutch situations. This is where we turn around our season and kick it in. GO CUBS!
Well, you would think that if a President died, you could at least hear about it on network TV.
Gerry – Now that I’m dead? No.
I think I died years ago, but Rosalyn just hasn’t had the heart to tell me.
My liver died in 1966.
My "Q" ratings have soared since Saturday, as the networks continue to play Ronnie’s humorous quips from our spirited 1984 debates.
Once again, heartfelt thank you’s to all 875,000 Americans who voted for me.
The Cubs drafetd me? But I’m perhaps the fastest player in the draft, & SB’s are a huge part of my game.
Apparently I have a "tender groin". I’m supposed to play tonight though and I bet I’ll be better than a healthy Bako.
Hey, Cameron, I have a tender groin, too. Tender AND juicy. You’ll never eat a better piece of meat.
My fleet has two yachts in it.
The original:
![]("https://www.desipio.com/images/pujols-yacht.jpg"/)
I call this one MVP Runner Up Numero Uno
And the new one I christened last year:
![]("<a)
https://www.desipio.com/images/pujols-yacht2.jpg"
MVP Runner Up Numero Dos
Can’t wait for the fans to boo me after my first of many thousands of swings/misses at the face high fastball!
So let me get this right…We drafted a guy who already has arm problems? Well…that’s one way to do it I suppose.
And check out the Dookie’s pic. He already looks like he wet himself.
Yeah, so my arm’s a rag, but I look like Mark Prior with my cool sideburns.
I think I’ll re-enter the draft next year, so my Sux can take me!!!
I need another year to pitch against mediocre competition for ND in The Big Least.
Actually, I look like a burn victim.
Hey, cool!!!
The Cubs thought so little of me last year that they allowed me to go back to Stanford.
Now they’ve drafted me again, and I still suck!!!
Patterson, the same thing can happen to you!
258 at bats in 2004.
53 strikeouts
50 walks
Maybe I’m not my brother?
47 stolen bases, too.
Led Team USA in strikeouts.
I’m even worse than my brother.
http://sports.chicagotribune.com/default.asp?c=chicagosports&page=mlb/misc/DRAFT-Patterson.htm
I went to Georgia Tech? For what, knee rehab?
The Sox took Ray Liotta #69?
Link here
I’ve taken him there, too.
Yummy!
The Cubs drafted my boy, Eli!
He didn’t want to play for the Chargers, either.
http://utsports.collegesports.com/sports/m-basebl/mtt/iorg_eli00.html
Hey Hendry, can I work out with the Cubs on 6/26 @ Comiskey?
I want to see if I can get a team autographed ball from the Sux & maybe get to meet Ozzie & Mark Beurlhe.
Hey Grant,
Can you get Frank Thomas game-used for me? Thanks!
I came up with two big hits this weekend and I can’t replace Gabor as Scrub of the Moment?
Where’s the love?
I have a permanent spot in Andy’s heart, Rey. You can’t mess with that!