Now, the real basketball starts. The regular season is over and first we get the phony-baloney conference tournaments–which in the major conferences mean nothing more than a reason to charge $75 for a ticket and hand out another trophy–then we get the real, deal, the NCAA Tournament. Do you have any idea how great these next three weeks will be someday, hopefully soon, when Billy Packer is in a Tobacco Road nursing home with a drool cup and some pudding?

Hey, a guy can dream, can’t he?

The Irish and Illini finished off their seasons with impressive wins. Notre Dame went to Georgetown and finally figured out a way to beat the Hoyas without playing four, or two, or even one overtime. Of course, the win would have been more impressive if the Irish hadn’t nearly wet themselves in the last 90 seconds in route to nearly blowing a late 12-point lead. That trend has followed the Irish all season, and it’s disturbing to say the least.

Illinois won for the fifth time in the last six games, and these are the impressive numbers they posted down the stretch. Nineteen, 30, 26, 24. Those are the victory margins in the last four home games. They beat OSU by 19, though the win was much more thorough than that, considering the Illini led that game 21-1 at one point. The next three wins came over likely NCAA Tournament teams (at least according to ESPN wonks Jay Bilas and Andy Katz) Michigan State, Indiana and Minnesota. Also consider, that in yesterday’s win, Brian Cook won the Big Ten scoring title, Roger Powell clinched the field goal percentage title, Deron Williams won the assist title, and Dee Brown won the steals title. Of more impress was that Williams led the Big Ten in assists with 77, and Brown finished with 76. I know it was a down year for point guards in the conference, but when one team has the two best ones, and they’re both freshman, well, that’s saying something.

The best thing about senior day at Illinois? Brian Cook’s mom wore a suit instead of her son’s jersey. Thank you Lord. We love Brian Cook here at the Dose, but we’re tired of mommy. Hopefully, though, we’ll see her tucked behind the Illinois bench eight more times this year.

I don’t know if Minnesota is a tournament team or not. Even if they beat Northwestern in the first round of the Big Ten Tournament, they’re going to get beaten by Illinois for the third time this year in round two, and they will have lost four of their last five games. That smells like NIT to me. But what do I know? I don’t have a comb-over of the quality of ESPN Bracketjackass Joe Lunardi.

I found myself caught between a rock and a hard place in the late game on CBS yesterday. Not only was the teaming of Jim Nantz and Billy Packer causing my ears to bleed, but it was a matchup of two teams I simply hate. North Carolina and Duke. Thankfully, TiVo had recorded The Sting during the week and I could simply watch that and flip back to CBS for updates.

I did see something that turned the tide for me though. Halfway through the second half, after a Tar Heel caught an elbow in the mouth, Matt Doherty and Chris Collins got into it on the floor. There are few people on this earth I like less than Chris Collins, so the Heels got my rooting interest from there on.

I will say this though, I’ve never seen a coach who handles losing as gracefully as Coach K does. When you watch the replay of Dahntay Jones’ ill-fated buzzer beater, you see Coach K start to head for Doherty for the congratulatory hand shake before Jones even lets go of the ball. He knew it was late and didn’t even wait to see if it went in. Plus, the whole Duke bench knew it was late and didn’t even celebrate. Hey, I never said they weren’t smart…

Thanks to DirecTV, I could watch Mizzou-Kansas during the Illinois-Minnesota romp. Those two threes that Kansas threw in, in the last 1:20 were absolute slop. Another reason to hate Kansas. I do like that the Big 12 is likely to have two number one seeds and neither of them will be the conference champion, though.

Bobby Knight was on that awful, syndiated “March to Madness” radio show with John Thompson last night, and Bobby advocates screwing the mid-major schools and just having a 32 team tournament where you invite the best teams in the country regardless of conference. Since his Red Raiders can’t make the tournament under either format, we can just give this idea the whole, “Shut up, Bobby” treatment. Good idea, though, Bobby. Teams like Cleveland State and Richmond never have any shot beating the “traditional” powers…oops.

I love it when the college basketball “experts” like Packer or Bilas or Digger Phelps come on and say, “Indiana just needs a good showing in the Big Ten Tournament” to cinch a bid. Just? They staggered down the stretch, so what makes you think they can put it all together in the conference tournament?

The Cubs and Sox were on WGN Saturday and it’s a good thing I refused to pick up the pad and pen because Chip Caray was in midseason form. I tried to tune him out, but it’s impossible. He threw out the “Honesty compels me to say” thing FOUR minutes into the telecast! He said “Lefthander Damaso Marte is a lefty,” AND said, “Yeah, now we’re to the point where guys we’ve never heard of are in the game, like this guy, number 91.” Uh, Chip? You’re the Cubs play-by-play announcer, when one of their top prospects (Florida State League MVP Brendan Harris) comes up, you might want to have the ability to educate the casual fans. I can’t help it. I don’t think I can make it though six more months of Chip. He really must be stopped.

How typically Cub was it that Carlos Zambrano dominated the White Sox and gave up only two hits…and both of them were home runs? Some things never change.

Phil Rogers wrote a long piece on Sunday about how the best prospect on the field was White Sox outfielder Joe Borchard. Joe was 0-3 with two strikeouts and misplayed three balls in right field. I’ve now seen Joe bat five times and he has struck out four times. How come it’s criminal when Corey Patterson strikes out, but it’s OK when Borchard does? The other freaky thing about Borchard is the way he runs. He runs with his legs perfectly straight down to the knees and only his shins and feet move. I hate to say it, he runs like…RON CEY! Muahahahahahahahahaha!

Moises Alou left yesterday’s game with a mysterious injury. It doesn’t matter, whatever it is (anything from sore earlobe to torn Achilles) it’ll keep him out twice as long as it would a normal person.

However, we got some good news from the Grapefruit League on Saturday. Jim Edmonds tore his calf muscle. Just like Moises did last year. Couldn’t happen to a nicer jackass.

Rosey with some good stuff.

If you’re doing the math, Illinois won their last four Big Ten home games by an average of 25 points. This just in: that’s good. And I think we all want one more shot at those Badgers.

Sammy doesn’t want to talk about whether he’ll walk or not at the end of the season. What he should talk about is that the Cubs can trade him this year to one of nine teams already specified in his contract and he can’t stop them.

Phil Rogers says the Cubs are going to stop losing one-run games. Sure. Whatever. They’ve decided to lose every game by six runs, instead? Oh, and Phil mentions Kevin Orie as a guy playing for a roster spot. Since he’s going to have shoulder surgery, he must be trying to make the team as what, a pinch runner?

Mr. Ed has signed an offer sheet with the Vikings. What, they think Gary Anderson is washed up? Didn’t Gary start out with the Decatur Staleys?

Groucho with his weekly column. Phil Jackson wants to lengthen the court. Sure, who doesn’t want to watch Shaq run an extra 10 feet before he camps out in the lane for 14 seconds?

Now pitching for the St. Louis Cardinals, Mark Buehrle. Ahh, Chairman Reinsdorf knows how to treat a guy, huh? Actually, given the Sox tradition, Buehrle’s due to tear that labrum any day now, anyway.

Esteban Loiaza? Again, I laugh at the mere thought.

This just in, Dusty’s popular. Who knew?

You need to register with the New York Times (it’s free) to read this, but here’s the article on Dusty Baker and Lou Pinella that Mike Kiley referred to. It’s pretty good.

Sammy can’t get enough Mack Newton. Whatever.

Bilas and Katz pop some teams’ bubbles.

Underwear supermodel Len Pasquarelli on Dan Snyder. Where the hell do the Redskins get their cap room? I still don’t get that Rob Johnson signing though. Woof.

Jayson Stark with a weak effort here.

John Donovan thinks the Red Sox are screwed without Pedro Martinez. Gee, ya think?

Theo Epstein may be new, but his answers to these questions could have come from any GM. I always mock the “put the World Series games on TV during the day so the kids can see them” crap. Shouldn’t the kids be at school? Or at least in a warehouse someplace sewing up a dress for Kathie Lee Gifford?

Peter King with a pretty good effort here. It’s all football (except for some coffee crap).

Stewey likes Pitt QB Rod Rutherford.

Ken Tucker hates these cans! Or at least Clinton, Dole and some hack named Michael Savage.

EW tries to fashion a strategy to make Sarah Michelle Gellar a serious movie star. I have one thing she should consider: learn to act.

Tom Shales is not a big fan of the Clinton-Dole “debates” either.

Apparently Hans Blix might have hidden a little evidence. Ooops!

Europe is rife with chlamydia. Time to start hiring the Thai hookers again, just to be safe.

The world’s greatest newspaper is offering you $100 to re-design Iraq’s flag.