Because the Cubs manager is Joe Maddon, deep thinkers like you and me spent actual brain cells last year trying to figure out who was going to be “Joe’s Ben Zobrist.”  Joe basically invented the super-utility position in Tampa to take the fullest advantage of Zobrist’s ability to switch hit and play almost any position on the field.  Smart guys like us decided that Kris Bryant was his Zobrist, since Joe used him at third, first, and all three outfield spots.

The Cubs, in the offseason, decided that Joe’s Ben Zobrist for 2016 and beyond should probably just be Ben Zobrist.  And so they signed him to a four year deal.  He’s fresh off a sterling run with the Kansas City Royals and a world championship.  He’ll mostly play second for the Cubs since they traded away our dearly departed Starlin Castro (sniff, sniff) to make room for him.  But Zobrist will undoubtedly see time at all four infield spots and at least left field.  He’ll also bring much needed contact to the Cubs lineup.  Where the average Cub struck out 274 times last year, (give or take), Zobrist struck out only 56 times in 535 at bats while splitting the season between Oakland and KC.

He also had ten extra base hits in the postseason to go with six walks and only five strikeouts.  So, he’s kinda good.

The first three months and a week of last year were spent breathlessly wondering when sure-thing, bonafide, superstar wunderkind Kris Bryant was going to break into the Cubs lineup.  When the heavens parted and he arrived on a winged horse for a Friday afternoon game against the Padres, all was right with the world.  Then, four days later, the Cubs unexpectedly called up Russell to play out of position and fill a gaping hole at second base.

And, predictably, he struggled.  But only on offense.  Defense has never been, and never will be, much of a problem for Addison.  The Cubs just wanted him to catch the ball and turn double plays.  They even batted him ninth, to take the pressure off of him offensively.

In July he moved back to his real position, shortstop, and Starlin Castro went to the bench.  The Cubs infield defense immediately improved, and when Castro turned his season around by fielding better and hitting a lot better after a move to second, the Cubs really took off.

Starlin’s a Yankee, and Russell has a new double play partner in Ben Zobrist, and a new number (27) since Jason Heyward took his old one.

The other thing that’s changed?  Russell has looked like one of the best offensive players in the Cacti League.  Nobody ever thought he wouldn’t some day turn into a force at the plate, but few thought it might be this soon.

He’s good.  He’s really fucking good.

The Cubs have been hyping shitty prospects since the dawn of time.  I’m sure there was some penny rag going on and on about how Chick Keating was going to tear the National League a new one in 1915.  How many Ozzie Timmons, Bobby Hills, Dave Keltons and Pat Clines have we had rammed down our throats in recent years?

So when Kris Bryant didn’t live up to the hype in 2015 we didn’t bat an eye.  Nobody could have been as good as he was advertised to be.

He was better.

Somehow, he exceeded every expectation we had for him.  He was good from day one and except for a short slump here and there he was good every damned day.  He paired with Rizzo to create a middle of the order that will have opposing pitchers soiling themselves for years.

And, you add on the fact that he’s going to get better, and well…somebody point me to the fainting couch.

His atrocious third base defense never displayed itself.  He played the outfield in a pinch and looked like he was born to do that, too.  He’s 6’5 and fast, and an excellent baserunner and when the Cubs were teetering near the end of July and had just been no-hit by the awphul Phillies and had blown a lead to the Rockies, Bryant decided he’d seen enough of that shit and hit a game winning homer.  The Cubs never looked back.  Why should they?  They had Kris Bryant to follow.

The sophomore slump is supposed to be a real thing.  I just have a feeling that Kris Bryant doesn’t have time for such nonsense.  There’s a pennant to win, don’t you know?

In the offseason prior to last season the Cubs had decided they were going to “fix” their catching position and they threw a big offer at free agent catcher Russell Martin.  It made sense.  He was still in his prime, he is an excellent defensive catcher and game caller and he’d had a nice season at the plate for Pissburgh.

But Martin is Canadian and decided that lure of Tim Horton’s and poutine in Toronto was too much to turn down.  So the Cubs were left with plan b.  They traded for the D’bags catcher…coming off a down season.

Montero came with a reputation as a great pitch framer and a good defensive catcher who used to be able to hit.  He also came with a rep as the guy who made life miserable for onetime D’back (and all-time d’bag) Adam Eaton.  As it turns out, he was right to do that.  And Montero fit in perfectly on the Cubs.

His value behind the plate was never more apparent than a Saturday afternoon game at Wrigley in the midst of a four-game, season defining sweep of the defending world champion Giants.  The Cubs had a two run lead, and suddenly, Hector Rondon had loaded the bases with nobody out.  It was the kind of game we’d seen the Cubs piss away for generations.

Montero made approximately 47 mound visits over the next three hitters (tying Neifi Perez’s club record for most mound visits in an inning) and set new standards of behind the plate body language encouragement for Hector.  Rondon struck out the side to escape the inning and win the game for the Cubs.

Somewhere around mid-season, though, Miggy scrapped an effective opposite field approach at the plate and started trying to jerk every pitch 500 feet to right field.  It’d be nice if he stopped doing that.  Forever.

Because they’re going to carry eight relief pitchers (which is insane) at least to start the season (it’s still insane) the Cubs bench options will be limited.  In fact, unless Javy Baez’s injured right thumb (which he hurt doing the dumbest baseball thing ever…diving head first into first base) puts him on the DL to start the season, the Cubs will have only one infield only reserve to start the season.

Tommy LaStella - He looks just like Mr. Peepers, and he spent most of last season on the disabled list.  When he came back, he immediately became Joe Maddon’s favorite pinch hitter.  This year, it’d be nice if he actually got some hits.  Though Joe revealed this spring that LaStella is “one of those guys who could roll out of bed at 3 a.m. and get a hit.”  I guess all of the games just start too early.

Javy Baez - Joe wanted him to make the team out of spring training, but truth is, he wasn’t ready.  He’s always going to strike out a lot, but his approach definitely improved last season at AAA Iowa and it showed when he arrived in September.  His three run homer in game four against John Lackey is the stuff of legend.  He’s a great athlete and though he’d rarely played second or third in the minors he looked completely at home at both spots last season.  He’ll add first base and the outfield to his resume this season.

Muneori Kawasaki - If Baez starts the season on the DL, this scrappy Japanese shortstop will start the season on the roster.  A crowd favorite during his time in Toronto, he can play both middle infield spots and third.  He’s never been much of a hitter, but his karaoke take on Aerosmith classics is the stuff of (ear-splitting) legend.

David Ross - The Cubs players love him, and he is, I’ll admit, a superior defensive catcher.  He can’t hit, at all, and that seems like trouble on a shallow bench.  But I’ll cede to the idea that his value can’t be contained to mere numbers.  If it could be, he’d have been out of baseball a decade ago.