Do whatever it takes. Pinch yourself. Get in the tub, plug in the hairdryer and see what happens.
This is June. This is the month when reality sets in on every Cubs season. Normally, reality is a trap door the Cubs have been standing on for eight weeks, not knowing that one press of a button and they’ll be in the basement.
This June is no different. Summer’s here and the Cubs have been exposed again. Only this time the trap door’s been replaced with a spring board.
Michael Barrett summed it up best on Saturday. Standing in the euphoric haze that had descended upon Wrigley Field, Barrett, without prompting from Fox Sports Net reporter Mitch Robinson blurted out, “This is the best place in the world to play.”
As he said it, another capacity crowd yelled and screamed and didn’t want to leave. The Cubs had spent three hours losing a game, only to win it, Barrett said, “in the last five minutes.” The Cubs win the next day made it eight of their last nine.
The Cardinals are still in first place. They got shut out by the mighty Jung Bong yesterday, to snap their winning streak and the Cubs cut their lead down to a paltry two games. Matt Morris served up Ken Griffey, Jr’s 500th homer, and baseball celebrated, apparently, by amputating Junior’s left arm. That seems a little extreme.
The Cardinals can’t be comfortable. They have won eight of their last ten and figured they’d put a little room between them and the Cubs before the Cubs got healthy.
Oops. The Cubs won eight of ten, too. And the health part? It’s almost here.
On Friday, Samuel Peralta Sosa returned to the lineup. On Saturday, Mark Grudzielanek came back. The team that Jim Hendry pieced together in the offseason is very nearly in place. We talked about it last week. Other teams are frantically trying to figure out who they could trade for to help get them into the the pennant race. The Cubs just added a 50 homer slugger, a starting second baseman and a couple weeks ago, the best pitcher in the National League. Two weeks from now they’ll welcome back a gold glove caliber shortstop and some guy named Kerry Wood.
And then, Jim Hendry can still go out and add a piece or two wherever he needs it.
Let’s put this a way that Cardinals fans, like this guy…
…can understand.
From what I know (thanks to an informal survey of Cardinals fans done at the medium security prison in Marion, Illinois) Cardinals fans like these things:
1. NASCAR
2. Outdoor plumbing
3. Hay bales
4. Long, passionate make out sessions, especially the exotic kind (you know, with a cousin whose last name is different from theirs)
5. Shirtless photos of Al Hrabosky
I could go on, but really, who needs that?
So let’s sum up the current NL Central race in a way that NASCARdinals fans can understand.
The Cubs have the NL Central’s best team, and for now they’re drafting behind the Cardinals. They’re going just as fast, and using less fuel, so that when the time comes…Dusty Baker gives the signal and the Cubs slingshot right past the Cardinals and cruise to a second straight division title. Once the pass has happened, a desperate Genius will likely either run the Cardinals out of gas, or start a five car pile-up in the rear that culminates with Lloyd McClendon getting out of the last place Pirates’ car and throwing his helmet at LaRussa.
See how simple things are when you break them down scientifically?
—
Yesterday, my family took my dad to go see “This Old Cub.” Yes, despite the shameless plugging (wow that sounds like a Cardinals locker room scandal) of the movie from Pat Hughes and Ron Santo during every Cubs’ radio broadcast this year, we went. Ron’s son and movie making legend (he claims to have won a first prize at the prestigious Palm Springs Film Festival in 1999) was on hand to answer questions after the movie. I had two questions planned, but my sister would not let me ask either one of them.
They were:
“Since your dad doesn’t have either leg, what is his height now listed at on his driver’s licence?” Like you wouldn’t want to know that? Dad’s theory is that Ron is now “two feet shorter.” See where the puns come from?
During the Q and A, many people were sharing personal stories, and I wanted, too, also. Growing up, I had a three legged dog. Seriously. And even though he was missing a leg, he could still run really fast. So I was going to share that with Jeff and ask if Ron can still run really fast. Again, my sister told me I couldn’t do that. Some people.
The movie, is, despite quite a bit of nausea creating “shaky-cam” moments, very good. I will warn all of you, however, that there is a scene in which the frightening visage of Cubs’ PR wonk Sharon Panozzo fills the screen. You’d think they’d warn you before they showed that. There were little kids, and old people with heart conditions in the audience! There is only one sound byte from Chip Caray and to no surprise in it, he misprounces Marco Scutaro’s name…again. No, wait, he doesn’t do that. But you will be glad to know, Chip is wearing his bright red WGN polo shirt, so obviously, they filmed it before a Cardinals’ game.
I’ll state this now, and for the record, that no one should buy the DVD of the movie (sure to come out just in time for Christmas) unless they add a commentary track of Ron commenting on the movie as he watches it. He’ll, I’d pay $29.95 for just that commentary track. Priceless.
“This Old Cub” is the second best grossing documentary of the year. Much to the Santo’s chagrin, the top grossing documentary has been “These Old Mets.” Sometimes, you just can’t win.
—
When his grandpa did it, it was funny. When he does it, it’s not funny, it’s just sad and pathetic and rather pointless. On Friday, Chip Caray butchered the name of A’s second baseman Marco Scutaro. It’s pronounced Scooter-oh, and Pat Hughes got the memo, he said it correctly all weekend. Even Santo said it right most of the time. Chip got it wrong all day Friday, and obviously somebody clued him in on it because during Saturday’s game he eventually started calling him Scooter-oh. However, by Sunday, Chip had forgotten again. Nine days left in the countdown to the Cubs’ renewal deadline on Chip’s contract. There’s still hope that they can forget that, too.
—
The Lawnmower was dizzy all day, but he still managed to pitch into the seventh and only give up one run.
Dusty’s sick of talking about Subway and the Sox. I don’t blame him. Look, we all know the reason that the Cubs have to play the Sox twice every year. We might as well just say it out loud. Jerry Reinsdorf has convinced Bud that playing three games every year and alternating the site every season isn’t fair. Instead of having three sell outs in Old/New Comiskey every other year, he’s guaranteed to have them ever year. If you don’t think that’s the reason, you’re a dope.
Larry Rotschild is taking things slow with Kerry Wood. Again.
The Cubs aren’t the only Chicago team who hates Olympic Stadium, now.
Derrek Lee loves June.
Ed Sherman on “The Sandberg Game.”
Sometimes having the third pick in the NBA Draft is great! Sometimes, it’s not so much.
Kevin Costner with Rosey.
Mariotti puts down the doughnut to rip on Phil Mickelson. Sigh.
The Sox called up Vic Darensbourg. Look out Twins!
Dusty likes to shuffle up the lineup. George Ofman went off on Dusty’s decision to lead Michael Barrett off yesterday. Ofman wondered how you could lead off a guy with a .302 on base average. Uh…Barrett’s was .361 heading into the game. How about looking it up, George?
John Paxson’s not sure he’s got what it takes to trade for Tracy McGrady or Shaq. What, Scottie Pippen and Jannero Pargo aren’t enough? Throw in Linton Johnson!
Jayson Stark with a loooooooooooong edition of Wild Pitches. All of his favorites are quoted, Jim Deshais, Doug Glanville, Rich Donnelly…
Peter King’s Monday Morning Quarterback.
You just have to read these articles about the surgery to separate conjoined twins. Good stuff, and so far, a happy ending.
Somebody needs to remind Ray Bradbury that you can’t copyright a title.
Bubba was friendlier with Dan Rather than he was with this guy from the BBC.
Christian Slater’s in a little trouble. With her…
America’s finest news source on how Ronald Reagan’s death was commemorated around the world.
Boy, did I goof. Everyone knows Sandberg led off the 9th with a homer, not with two outs. If he had hit it with two outs, not enough players would have come to bat for him to be at bat with Dernier on with two outs in the 10th.
http://www.retrosheet.org/boxesetc/B06230CHN1984.htm
There’s that "lawnmower" thing, again. Not only is that name overly though provoking of some green card wanna be clipping hedges in Kenilworth, it understates how good Big Zamboni really is.
He’s not a lawnmower. Z’s much more powerful than some half horsepower Toro. While he may not be a Zamboni (after all, Zamboni’s are Italian), Z’s at least a steamroller.
Did anybody else find it odd when Chippy commented on how the Cubs came "all the way back" to win Saturday’s game? Somebody should have told the douche that they were only down 1 run and scored 2 runs to win. Scoring 2 runs in an inning is nothing these days, just ask Arnie Munoz.
If Carlos puts "El Zamboni" on his glove, we’ll call him the Zamboni. He’s got "El Toro" written on it, so he’s The Lawnmower.
So many better options than "Lawnmower."
Raging Bull
![]("http://sportsmed.starwave.com/media/pg2/2002/0703/photo/mgm_bull2_i.jpg"/)
Durham Bull
![]("http://static.howstuffworks.com/gif/minor-league-baseball-team-bull.jpg"/)
Stock Bull
![]("http://www.howstuffworks.com/gif/stock-bull.jpg"/)
Scoring Bull
![]("http://news.bbc.co.uk/media/images/38795000/jpg/_38795377_jordan87bulls_get.jpg"/)
Sitting Bull
![]("http://www.augustachronicle.com/images/headlines/112797/pippen.jpg"/)
Oops! I mean,
![]("http://www.custerslaststand.org/images/sittingbull.jpg"/)
Sitting Bull
All those are better plays on "El Toro" than lawnmower.
Who would’ve thought the Cubs would go 8-2 in a 10-game stretch that included three road games at Anaheim, four at Houston, and three at home against Oakland? Even more impressive is that they hung L’s on Colon, Clemens, Oswalt, and Zito. They also won games started by Escobar and Mulder. Pretty damn impressive.
I like the way the pitching matches up this week. Maddux, Rusch, and Clement go against the Deadbirds. Then, it’s Prior vs. Garland on Friday, Zambrano vs. Schoenweis on Saturday, and Maddux against Loaiza on Sunday.
I think you should write an "Ask Andy" column…I have so many questions, like "What’s the injury status of Todd Wellemeyer?" and "Is Jake Potter still alive?" and "What happened to those ‘Cub Reports?’" So many questions…
…To the part where they talk about Antonio Alfonseca. Alf mentions that he doesn’t get booed in Atlanta because they "know baseball," incinuating that Cub fans don’t. What a piece of shit.
http://www.sun-sentinel.com/sports/columnists/sfl-mikeb20jun20,0,4240598.column?coll=sfla-sports-col
I was watching Arnie Munoz throw batting practice for the Expos the other night, and Hawk and DJ made the comment that "all major league teams are looking for a reliable fifth starter, except for the Marlins." I tried to figure this one out, especially since the Meat Tray is no longer around.
The Cubs easily have one of the best starting rotations around, with or without Kerry Wood. Our "on again, off again" guy has been Greg Maddux, but I don’t think the Sox guys were actually saying that we should call up a scrub to toss in his place.
Seriously, I think it takes a certain amount of brain damage to be allowed to broadcast on TV. And what the hell does "duck snort" mean?
Dave B – if you’re coming to Cedar Rapids for the Midwest League All Star Game tomorrow, how about an update for desipio readers tomorrow? I’d planned on attending but family commitments prevent it (Walt-ese for "my girlfriend tells me I have other plans").
Walt, how can your girlfriend make you miss the number one item on our annual culture calendar? She’d better have a bod at least as good as Christian Slater’s playtoy….
Walt, why do you throw your empty Old Style cans at me every time you drive by in your Fred Sanford mobile?
Walt, I will be glad to provide you with an update on the Midwest League All-Star Game.
As for the jabs at the already-antiquated U.S. Cellular Center, Old Style cans would be considered building improvements. It, like other architectural disasters built in the 1970s, is no longer a decent venue for concerts or sporting events.
#11. I’m being sensitive to her needs.
gdit. I forgot that brackets are perceived as HTML tags. revising my previous post (gawd I’m turning into BC):
#11. (out loud) I’m being sensitive to her needs.
(inside) I’m not giving up….you know.
is the Rey Ordonez era over yet? Ricky Gutierrez is 2 for 6 at Daytona….
In response to #7
Where the f*** am I?
My big question of the day is – where’s Reg’lar Joe? Did they ship him off to Guantanamo Bay and are they holding him captive without representation?
Big million dollar bakeoff starts tomorrow. Who gives a ratty f**k about the Sux series? We gotta try to sweep LaRussa and his merry band of inbreeders.
Maybe we should just go with the most literal interpretation of "El Toro"
![]("http://www.dr-severe.de/mediac/400_0/media/El~toro.jpg"/)
Ole!
Uhh, hey bra. I want to be traded, even though I make more myself than most teams. If they respect me, bra, they’ll make it happen. I wanna go home to Orlando, where me and TMac and, uh, 10 stiffs will win it all next year, bra.
Who, or what the phuck is Shaq?
And, if they do know, do they really care?
Have fun in Orlando, Shaq, I want to be traded too!
Andy, Santo couldn’t run really fast when he had legs, I don’t think the amputation would be much of an upgrade.
After the Cards spank your moranic Cubbie arses this week, you’ll be caring about the Sox series a whole lot more. Kudos to you for your "one game at a time" approach, though — very professional.
I have both good and bad feelings about this upcoming series at Busch. I feel like the way we are playing right now will help. However, we have had some shaky moments in the bullpen and the Cardinals won two games last week on another team’s bullpen. So, basically, I’m hoping we get a reprise of the last series, without Kyle Farnsworth walking 93 batters in the series. Then we might win two or even sweep. But, I think the goal should be to win one and then hope to sneak out another, but if we don’t we won’t be in all that bad of shape.
Run runs now, like I did in the 70’s and 80’s. Something wrong with him?
[In James Earle Jones voice]: I am your father, B.C.
Sorry Mr. Vine Line, but B.C. is my heir!
Technically, CT…He would be lighter and it takes less energy to move a lighter object (or the same amount of energy will move a lighter object faster). I don’t know the mathmatical equation for running on stumps but I would assume it includes a "subtract 2".
Welcome, South Side Sloth. Just so you know, the Sox season ends after your three game set at Wrigley on July 4th. After that, you’ll have nothing to watch. I mean, we all know that there are now Sox fans, just Anti-Cubs fans.
It’s sad, really.
And, no, we won’t ever care more about the Selig-Reinsdorf Cubs/Sox series when we want our team to beat division opponents so the Cubs can make the playoffs. If the Cubs sweep the Cards and get swept by the Sox, I can live. Not sure if I can the other way around.
Don’t forget to mention the new t-shirt my son Jeff, who’s here at the game today, made to commemorate the hit documentary "This Old Cub."
Remember folks, I don’t live in Chicago so if this sounds like a bad question I DO have a reason for it being a bad question…
Who in the world is Bruce Levine?
This just in: our hosts don’t exist according to Chuck. Despite the many posts here about how annoyingly biased toward the Sox we are….
Levine is a radio guy on ESPN1000. Does the Cubs/Sox updates.
B.C.,
Bruce Levine is the baseball reporter for ESPN Radio 1000 (WMVP Chicago).
BC, if you’re really an aspiring journalist, you really need to become familiar with me. Unless you just want to end up in a Mariotti-/Jim Rome-style echo chamber of your own little thoughts.
I offer connections to a whole wealth of information on everything from Ronald Reagan to Chicago radio guys….
I’m also nearly as annoying as the Grobber.
The destruction starts tomorrow of these nasty birds. We need to knock them off their perch.
We will be in 1st place by the time we play our crosstown crumby Sux. I’m starting to hate these guys as much as the Red Fowl. Real Chicagoans know who to pull for in this series. GO CUBBIES!
Thank you #34 and #35.
#36, what in the world was that for?
BC, my first ‘graf was the slap upside the head you need.
The second ‘graf was the key to getting you to stop asking us to provide information you could easily obtain in, oh, 15 keystrokes and a click or two.
Remember back to when you were first told that there are no dumb questions? You were lied to.
"Instead of having three sell outs in Old/New Comiskey every other year, he’s guaranteed to have them ever year. If you don’t think that’s the reason, you’re a dope."
I would think a gauranteed 3 sellouts at Shea probably had something to do with it, too.
Here comes the Daily B.C. Bash… I think I can imply from #36 that he/she is calling you a mere parrot, much like the estimable Grobber. And I’d parrot that sentiment, also, too, as well. Offer opinion, B.C., not Me-Too! regurgitations of other’s work that have you coming off like Captain Obvious.
The way I see the Cub-Cards series going this week is like this:
GAME 1-Maddux throws great and he hits the ball too. Bako continues to suck while starting when Greggie pitches. Patterson continues to be the player he is as well. Bullpen has some blunders, especially with Farnsworthless but the Cubs win a close one.
GAME 2-Rusch gets banged around a bit and leaves the game early. Sosa & Alou connect on back to back jacks. Lee hits a homer as well. High scoring affair with both bullpens getting beat around. Cubs win and score double digit runs.
GAME 3-Clement gets in his early innning troubles as usually, but this time fails to get out of it. He lasts until the 5th inning and once again we go to our fearless bullpen. Beltran, Merker, Farns, Remlinger, and Beltran close this series out by shutting the Cards down. The Cub offense in the mean time comes from behind and win another close one. Thus, the Cubs take over first place in the NL Central.
#42, it’s all right that you believe that. However, can you give me an example of something I’ve done on Desipio that is a "Me-Too! regurgitation"? Maybe if some of you critics can tell me what you think is specifically wrong with one of my articles (And NOT one of these, "Oh, you were too young to know anything about blah and blah" treatises either, because I don’t believe they are relevant criticisms), I could work to make my columns better.
TW, I’m no physics whiz, but since we’re talking about Santo running, and not being shot out of a cannon, I’d say that having the legs to convert that energy into motion might be more important than the weight that has been lost.
I have bad vibes coming into this Cubs-Cardinals series. The Ghost of the Walking Gods will again haunt Farnsworthless. The Hawk might get the worst of an attack by a flock of Cardinals as well. We’ll see how great this bullpen can bow those backs and step up to get the job done.
Oh, I don’t know… Just off the top of my head the Reagan comments that you exposed as your parents’ and the television machine’s, but yet passed off as "your thoughts" on the 40th prez. Your piffle blurb today (in #25) regarding the potential for the Cubs-Cards series was just weak. Way to walk along that fence. Careful, or you may come down on one side and no longer straddle the bold "they might win; they might lose" prediction.
Well, I can respond to your thoughts about my earlier post #25 by saying I really am split about what to predict about this series. I can see us winning all three, I can see us losing all three. However, if you really want me to predict, I will: I think the Cubs win game one and lose the next two.
On the Reagan thing, I have already went over this. They WERE my thoughts. I’m sure most people had their thoughts supplanted one way or another by the coverage and those around them. I don’t think I did anything that was out of the ordinary. Writing for this website is different than for a sports section of a newspaper. That sports section wouldn’t care what I thought about Reagan. The readers of this site might, so I included it. If I were writing for a pure internet sports site, I wouldn’t have.
Agreed CT…Maybe I should’ve replaced "technically" with "theoretically".
And there is no such thing as a stupid question. Just stupid people that ask questions.
B.C. — "Supplanted thoughts"? Add me to your Favorites. Unless you really mean that your thoughts were replaced or superseded by what you saw on television. If that is the case, I guess I am correct in dubbing your articles as Me Too! pap.
I meant "supplemented", not "supplanted". I knew that didn’t sound quite right but I didn’t look it up until just now. Oh well, I guess you got me on using the wrong word once. It happens to the best of us (Or, the "worst of us" if you are intent on bashing).
I used the incorrect word, all right? I admit my mistake for using that incorrect word during post #48. I am now moving on. I hope some of you can do the same.
B.C., how could you? I spent my whole life just hoping you would use me and then you used that traitor word supplanted instead. I should have known you would have left me alone on the dance floor.
I’m going to leave now…
bash me! bash me!
BC, please stop sinking in me every time you try and defend yourself.
Why don’t you just take the shite & keep quiet? Otherwise, you sound like a defensive little pube.
I didn’t really want to wade into the middle of this but…what problem do people have with BC’s view on Ronald Reagan? Look, you can give him crap about not being born until the middle of Reagan’s term, but his views are legitimate. While I didn’t necessarily agree with his impression of the Gipper, I was interested to hear it, as Reagan’s impression on BC’s age group is going to go a long way to defining how Reagan is viewed down the line. Presidents tend to get more popular as the people who actually lived while they were in office die off. A good example is Truman. He had one of the most contentious terms in office ever, and he left with a record low popularity rating, but is now viewed as one of the top 5 or 10 men to ever hold the office, despite the fact that most of the people who voted for and against Truman are dead.
#54, I don’t believe I am "stepping into quicksand" every time I defend myself. Anyhow, I defend myself because this is how "Nasty America" works. People want to tear those that have success or are trying for it down. I won’t accept it. People criticize and mock and name-call hoping to push others into failure, so they are the only ones that are on the top of the lader, so they are the only ones that can speak on anything and everything. I won’t accept it. That is "Nasty America" for you, out there for all to see. I won’t accept it. And if others think I sound "defensive", then that will have to be the price I pay for trying to defeat "Nasty America".
I believe in civility with criticism. They don’t have to be mutually exclusive. Criticism is fine, but being nasty while doing so is just not the way I believe things should be. Agree with that, don’t agree with that, that’s up to you. But I believe in defending myself against those I believe are part of "Nasty America". If that makes me disliked, if that makes me seem little, then so be it. I would be willing to pay that price.
So Truman is like me, without the white trash hillbilly lineage.
Jimmy, Truman was from Missouri, so he probably had the white trash hillbilly lineage too.
But what if Chippy spent time addressing everyone that mocks him?
He’s an awful PBP anncr, but at least he refuses to buckle to his critics, and I can’t recall him ever feeling the need to defend himself.
If you truly intend to be a journalist, you’ll NEVER please everyone. Get used to it.
BC, you will never defeat me. I’m even more powerful than Sinistar.
CT, thank you for your comments. That is the example of "civility with criticism" I just talked about in post #56.
Speaking of that post, I just realized I misspelled ladder in it. I apologize for that error. And, yes, I did re-read my post… All right?
Yeah, but did he ever have The Ugliest Girl in America for a daughter?
And did Truman’s brother humiliate mankind on a weekly basis?
Here, BC — now you won’t have to ask who I am.
Who would even want to admit that they know who Sinistar is?
B.C., just so we can get a sense of where you’re coming from — who in the media do you feel isn’t part of Shasta McNasty America? We need some positive role models here!
There are no dumb questions. But there are plenty of inquisitive idiots.
well hell, as long as ANYBODY can make predictions, I predict that Maddux will go his usual 5 2/3 and Cubs win a close one 5-4 on Gabor Bako’s daring steal of home in the 13th. Pat Hughes will leave the booth in the 6th inning. Game 2: Catfish Rusch will dominate and the Cub offense will stomp a mudhole in Jeff Suppan. Pat Hughes will leave the booth in the 6th inning. Game 3: Matty Clement will get outpitched by Carpenter until Prissy Chrissy hears a pop in his pitching shoulder. The Genius brings in Kline’s toxic waste dump of a hat and the Cubs go on a rampage. Final score 13-5. Pat Hughes will leave the booth in the 6th inning.
Or not.
#64, I misspelled my name before. Sammee! knows me well.
Sinistar was a coin-op game put out by Williams back in the mid-80’s. Very dumb, but kind of addicting game. Most famous for the central character screaming, "I AM SINISTAR!"
Who is Williams?
I am Cinnabon!
I hunger.
Cannabon?
ROOAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!
"Nasty America" isn’t just in the media, and the media isn’t the whole of "Nasty America". Attitude is what makes "Nasty America". See how people act these days. The common courtesy, the civil discussion, it’s gone from most of our daily lives. It’s a trend that started in the media. Talk radio and the "screaming heads" of cable TV news started it. News magazine shows telling us all that could possibly go wrong with cars and grocery shopping finished it off. And now it is trickling down to the rest of society.
Is there hope? Of course. There are still many good examples of civility in our society, and we can get back to living that way if we choose to see them. However, I do wonder if the trend has gone too far to revert back. And that is why the trend needs to stop now, and I hope more people realize what we are doing to ourselves through "Nasty America" before it is too late.
I think the good is there, if we choose to see it instead of the nastiness.
Williams is a game company, better known as WMS Gaming. Williams is also the older brother of Barry Williams, aka Greg Brady.
Hey BC, they canceled that whole concept, along with my show, in the mid 60’s.
The gamer went down on me a lot better than Greg.
I have just signed legislation outlawing B.C. and associated discussion of Ronald Reagan. We begin Google bombing in 5 minutes.
(Pause for laugher)
According to me, we’ve always been a nasty, brutish country of cocksuckers. Heck, even my "hero" hangs criminals, beats Injuns to death, and shoots robbers without a trial….
Hey Deadwood, you think people had it tough in your day? Why, when your nation is founded under the idea that certain peeps can be property, you’ve pretty much exhausted all your goodwill from the get-go….
Andy, thanks… I think.
American is made up of rustlers, cut throats, murderers, bounty hunters, desperados, mugs, pugs, thugs, nitwits, halfwits, dimwits, vipers, snipers, con men, Indian agents, Mexican bandits, muggers, buggerers, bushwhackers, hornswogglers, horse thieves, bull dykes, train robbers, bank robbers, ass-kickers, shit-kickers and Methodists.
Speaking of Roots, I’m gay, aren’t I?
I brought incivility to this once-great nation. White Sox fans in Loop "Disco Sucks" shirts, you are the scourge of the earth!
Why can’t we all just be more like that nice little old lady who sits behind home plate at every Cubs game?
Cue James Earle Jones again….
And we don’t want the Irish!
No, no irish.
Randolph Scott!
Dagdummit Mr. Lamar… You use your tongue prettier than a $20 whore!
Now is a time of great decision. Are we to stay or up and quit? There’s no avoiding this conclusion: Our town is turning into shit. Amen.
Here I stand, the goddess of desire / Set men on fire / I have this power. / Morning, noon, and night, it’s dwink and dancing / Some quick womancing / And then a shower. / Stage door Johnnies constantly suwwound me / They always hound me, with one wequest. / Who can satisfy their lustful habits? / I’m not a wabbit. / I need some west.
Lili Von Shtupp
No, thank you. Fifteen is my limit on schnitzengruben.
Is that a ten-gallon hat, or are you just enjoying the show?
‘Scuse me while I whip this out…
"It’s twoo, it’s twoo."
"Why are you sucking on my elbow?"
Damn shame they had to cut that last line…
Now I don’t have to tell you good folks what’s been happening in our beloved little web site. Sheriff murdered, crops burned, stores looted, people stampeded, and cattle raped. The time has come to act, and act fast. I’m leaving.
Maybe I could turn this thing into my advantage… if I could find a baseball player who so offends the Cardinal fans that his very *appearance* would drive them out of town.
But where would I find such a man?
Why am I asking you?
Please, you need to get a grip on things. "Nasty America"? Get a life B.C. I don’t know what utopian society you want to live in, but this is reality and not a dream world here on planet Earth.
It’s called the real world and you need to live in it. If you are prancing and whimpering around all the time like you’ve been on Desipio, I feel for you. I never thought we had Cubs fans out there like you babbling on and on about such useless garbage. Please take a rest and regroup before coming back. It would benefit all of us.
Hey Dusty!
How about Beege? And you could send him my way if it doesn’t work out.
You want nasty? Come down to Tijuana!
I have one request on the Cards series this week. With one useless piece of shit like Gabor Bako starting on Tuesday, could you possibly start Hollandsworth for Patterson. That way we won’t have two useless pieces of shit in the lineup. Thanks.
I am always going to be filled with a certain percentage of idiots and a-holes. Unfortunately, this leads to electing certain percentage of idiots and a-holes as well.
But at least they can all still quote "caddyshack" and "blazing saddles" to distract themselves…
I know a couple things about "Nasty Mexico." Actually I don’t mind it. They treated me like a king down there. I come back up here and get the boobirds and hurt myself. Besides I sweat down there more and you know I love losing the sweaty pounds.
Does it really matter if I play? Either way, no matter what happens, somehow every Cub loss is my fault.
America’s about quoting Caddyshack and Blazzing Saddles? That’s not what America’s about!
Do you know what it’s like to fall in the mud and get kicked… in the head… with an iron boot? Of course you don’t, no one does. It never happens. It’s a dumb question… skip it.
I leave the playground for two hours and I come back and poor BC is being fileted (not fellated) and we’re just trading Blazing Saddles lines?
Aww, screw it! "The LePetomaine Toll Booth? Awww, hell! You go back to town and get us a ****load of dimes!"
Once again, the asterisks disappeared. I guess it should be s@#$load of dimes.
Hey, what ever happened to me?
Andy, the B.C. bashers bought their tickets, they knew what they were getting into. I say, let ’em crash.
Municiple Bonds, Ted!
BOY TRAPPED IN REFRIDGERATOR EATS OWN FOOT!
Sometimes, we even elect the idiot son of an asshole. Or, well, have him selected by his pappy’s friends….
I still can’t stand the guy.
Apperently I led the cubs in strikeouts in 1995. It’s amazing that I did that with my 72 mph fastball.
Hey Chippy! If anything goes wrong with the Beege, I’m waiting in Evanston for you!
Preach it, Walker Hater. I hate that son of a bitch too!
Normally I don’t chime in, but today’s posts made me comment…
Some of you people need to a get a grip. I almost never agree with what B.C. writes, but at least he is writing for the site. I would rather have to read stuff I disagree with than not read stuff at all.
I don’t know about the rest of you, but I do see some potential in B.C.’s writings. Give him a chance, and he might become a good writer (Or, at least as good as he thinks he is now).
So, I think we should get off his back a little!
Now, I’m going to enjoy my evening and then get ready to watch some good Cubs baseball tomorrow night.
Bite me, #114!
Just kidding. I’m actually very nice, what the fuck is that BC slandering me for? A$$hole!
Don’t worry B.C., we’re cleaning up Nasty America as we speak. This site is next on our list. Have fun sending smoke signals. We view this as an appropriate form of correspondence and return to rustic american sensibilities.
Andy, do you often check to see what IP address various people post from? I mean, if someone says something particularly vituperative while hiding behind the shield of anonymity that "BC Basher" might offer them, do you check and see who they really are?
I don’t normally make posts under aliases worth checking on, but I do wonder about the darndest things.
No Steve, but I do.