I’m not one to pat myself on the back, but if you wanted to do it for me. Well, go nuts.
What did I write in yesterday’s series preview for this three game set in St. Louis? Let’s look back.
My man love for Dusty knows no bounds, but you already knew that. I just can’t say enough about the job he’s done with this team in the year and a half he’s been in the dugout. Sure he does some odd in-game stuff, but not anymore than the mulleted dog and cat spayer in the other dugout.
The Genius’ biggest failing will always be that he can never make the simple, obvious move. He doesn’t like to do that because that’s not “genius” enough. All I know is that in the last two ultra-important series (the 2002 NLCS and last September in Wrigley), Dusty’s 8-3 against his Geniusness.
The Genius outdid himself last night. In the eighth inning of a one run game he left a tiring Jason Marquis in to start the mess, and then tried to squeeze five outs out of his closer to finish it. The Cubs, as we all know, are experts in the pain of how difficult getting five outs can be.
The wild eighth inning started harmlessly enough, with a single by Gruddy. Ramon bunted him to second and The Genius emerged from the dugout. Did he go to Kiko Calero or Julian Tavarez? No, he went straight to Izzy.
I’m sure that somewhere in Dogpatch, The Genius will reveal that he wanted to sweep the Cubs, and wanted to set the tone by showing them he’d do anything to get the first win. Oh, Tony, there’s a sweep set up. Just not for you guys.
Things went fine when Isringhausen got Moises Alou to ground to the Macy’s Day Balloon that is Scott Rolen (he’s frickin’ huge). Two outs. Sammy’s up and when the count got to two strikes the half of the stadium rooting for the Cardinals started banging on their cowbells. (The scary thing, in Missouri, those bells are still attached to real cows. — Wait, no, those are the wives–never mind.) Sammy fouled off a two strike pitch and the Big Urinal Cake that is Busch Stadium went nutty! Apparently, in St. Louis they use slow pitch softball rules and Sammy was out. The umpires held a conference and remembered that in baseball, a foul ball doesn’t count as strike three unless it’s a bunt. Sammy drew a walk and E-ramis Ramirez strode to home plate.
Strode is a good word, don’t you think?
Before the game, Lassie himself, Jim Edmonds, was a late scratch because he injured his groin. So many jokes. So little time. That meant that The Genius decided to play the rotting corpse of Ray Lankford in center field. Ray played the entire game seated in one of these:
Is that fair?
E-ramis hit one into the left center gap and over Lankford’s head. Gruddy scored easily from second and Sammy had a full head of steam going as he rounded second on his way to third. When Sammy gets going, he can still fly, and true to form, there was Wavin’ Wendall sending him home. Tony Womack’s relay throw bit the dust about six feet from his hand but took a nice bounce right to Mike Matheny. Now everybody knows that a mildy competent catcher can catch a simple one hopper and tag a guy out at home plate, right? (We’ll get to Gabor Bako in a minute.) Well, Mr. Gold Glove didn’t. Sammy scored and disbelief filled the stands at the Big Urinal Cake. Sammy dusted himself off at home plate, turned to Matheny and said, “Thanks for keeping first place warm for us. We’ll move in tomorrow night.”
OK, Sammy didn’t say that, but he should have.
The Farns was entrusted with a one run lead in the eighth. He’d already come up big in the seventh getting the final out and keeping it, at the time, 4-3 Cardinals.
The Farns is not fond of the Big Urinal Cake. He has a lifetime 14.40 ERA there. Yes, fourteen point four oh! Wow. Well, it got a little lower.
He struck out Albie Pujols, Sr. in humilating fashion. Albie tossed his bat in disgust. I’ve got news for you Albie. The world is tired of your act. We’re tired of you pretending you’re not 32 years old. We’re tired of you posing. We’re tired of Chip Caray waxing eloquently about how good your defense is, when every time you face us Derrek Lee makes six times as many plays as you do. Now go sit down, and carry your freakin’ bat with you. Thanks.
Farns cruised through the eighth and the toothless fan base began to worry. They’d always come to count on lighting up The Farns. Oops.
LaTroy let a man get on in the ninth just so he could get Lassie out to finish the game. Lassie popped up weakly to left and threw a tantrum at home plate instead of running to first. If St. Louis really has the best fans in baseball (which we all know they don’t) why don’t they boo crap like this?
Up in the booth, Chip said breathlessly, “The Cubs can leave St. Louis no worse than three games out of first!” Uh, Chippy, try not to be so deliriously optimistic. Guh.
And so the Cubs have now won nine of their last ten. They are one game behind St. Louis and could leave town on Thursday alone in first place. The Cubs are clearly the class of the NL Central and starting to impose their will. As the great Kent Dorfman once said so eloquently, “Oh boy is this great!”
As Steve from UC said in his Open Letter today lost in the euphoria over the Cubs win was the way they lost the lead in the seventh. With two outs, Corey Patterson made a game saving throw home on a single to center and just like he did in Houston a couple of weeks ago, Gabor Bako came out well in front of home plate to take the throw. This time he still had time to catch the ball and lunge back across the plate to tag out the runner. This time he just forgot to catch the throw.
It’s simple. Paul Bako can’t hit. He’s a career .241 hitter, but he hasn’t hit over .240 for a season since 1999. He also can’t catch. He led the NL in dropped third strikes last year, and that didn’t even include two in the playoffs that nearly cost the Cubs games. Steve Stone thinks Paul is valuable because he’s a lefthanded hitter.
No. He’s not. He’s a lefthanded batter, not a hitter. There’s a difference.
In 246 at bats as a Cub, Bako has yet to hit a homer, and has a grand total of 20 extra base hits. Twenty! If Gabor (his real first name, by the way) could just play some defense it’d be OK. But he can’t. He has no value. In fact, we had to change the status on the Bak-o-meter last night to a new low. Go check. We’ll wait.
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While we’re waiting for the other guys to click over and see the Bak-o-meter and then come back, how about we talk about our sterling coverage of the Charlotte Bobcats Expansion Draft last night. The “draft” was basically just the overly coiffed TV hairdo of the Bobcats reading the list of guys the Bobs drafted. And they cut most of them immediately. Now that’s exciting TV.
Tomorrow night, the “real” NBA Draft will be simulcast live here, and that’s always fun. It’s my single favorite night here at Desipio because there’s just so much to mock. The Cubs will be gunning for first place at the same time, and we’ll have that for you, too. OK, the Bak-o-meter readers are probably back now.
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After the horrendous NBA Expansion Draft last night, I left the TV downstairs on NBA-TV. During the Cubs game I ran downstairs for something, only to see that NBA-TV was rebroadcasting the first round of the 1986 NBA Draft.
I touched on it last night during the Cubs-Cards GameCast, but it deserves to be revisited here.
My single favorite moment was right after the Mavericks made their ill-fated selection of Roy Tarpley. Tarpley pulls up in a limo in front of the arena and as he gets out, Miller Lite cans roll out under his feet. OK, not really.
What really did happen though was a very disheveled Peter Vecsey was interviewed by John Andariese. Here’s basically what they said.
John Andariese: I’m here with Pete Vecsey of the New York Post. Pete knows everything there is to know about basketball. Pete, what’s the word on the Mavericks pick of Roy Tarpley?
Peter Vecsey: I just got off the phone and it’s basically a done deal. The Lakers are going to trade James Worthy to the Mavericks for Mark Aguirre and Roy Tarpley. The Lakers are also going to include Byron Scott in the trade. All that has to happen is Aguirre has to redo his contract, but then it’s a done deal.
Even then, 18 years ago, Peter was always right. At least in his mind. You wonder what would have happened to those franchises had the trade occurred. Remember how close the Mavericks came to beating the Lakers in ’88, anyway? They had that great team with Aguirre and Rolando Blackman and Derek Harper and Brad Davis (hee hee). They even had Sam Perkins and James Donaldson. How did they not win? If the Lakers had Tarpley and Aguirre would they have still won that game seven? Would Worthy have taken the world’s most bland (yet effective) game to Dallas and been as good? Would John MacLeod have still gotten so many perms?
But those 1988 Mavericks… The next season Donaldson was hurt, Tarpley was suspended for flunking drug tests and Aguirre would leave for the Pistons. What a mess.
A couple of other great moments from the 1986 Draft coverage. The Cavs took Ron Harper and Bob Neal went nutty, calling Harper the “best athlete in the draft.” Len Bias had just gone number two. Sorry, Bob.
The Bulls managed to avoid taking any of the drug addicts (Tarpley, William Bedford, Chris Washburn, Bias) but did take contact-phobic Brad Sellers. However, give Jerry Krause some credit. The guys taken right after Sellers included: Johnny Dawkins (Spurs), John Salley (Pistons), John “Hot Plate” Williams (Bullets), Pearl Washington (Nets), Walter Berry (Blazers)… Yikes.
Mark Price did go to Cleveland in the second round…so the Bulls could have gotten him. That’d have been nice. Dennis Rodman went two picks later.
OK, by now, I’m only amusing myself, so let’s get to the links.
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The Cubs won a classic, and you just know that one hurt the Evil Satanic Fowl where it counts. Muahahahahahahahahaha!
The Cubs just don’t “do” wins after off days. They did last night.
Paul Sullivan on the 2004 Cubs so far.
Bob Foltman on the 2004 Sox so far. True to form, it’s more about the Cubs than the Sox. See, this Sox paranoia is contagious.
Groucho says that Marcus Fizer wants a new start. No kidding.
Rick Morrissey writes the dumbest column…ever.
KC and the Sunshine Band says that a draft of Ben Gordon means Jamal Crawford is out the door.
KC also says that the Bulls have had talks with the agents for Michael Finley and Antoine Walker but aren’t close to trading for either one.
Mariotti puts down the doughnut to say that Bulls fans should be happy the Lakers imploded because they’ll never match the Bulls six titles in eight years. Gee, ya think?
E-ramis was the man, and Sammy enjoyed winning a game at the Big Urinal Cake in un-Cublike fashion.
Larry Bird says he offered more for McGrady than the Rockets did. He apparently offered Al Harrington and Ron Artest and their first round pick. Two things, Larry. First, the Magic don’t want McGrady in the Eastern Conference if they can help it. Second, Ron Artest is insane.
The Wizard of Roz wants Cubs fans to calm down and enjoy this.
Sports Guy with part one of his NBA Value column.
No! The Astros are not allowed to fire Jimy Williams!
Tom Verducci says the A’s should trade for Carlos Beltran. Maybe he can play center and pitch the ninth?
The Bobcats are bad. How bad? Bernie Bickerstaff was asked in the press conference how many wins the current roster could get in an NBA season. He just said, “If I had to play with this roster, I would not be happy.” Ouch. I would hazard a guess. If they actually used this team, they’d go 11-71. I’m being optimistic. Hell, at this point, they should go sign Juwana Mann.
The three-way deal that Peter Gammons imagined for Beltran is apparently dead.
Carlos Guillen loves Detroit! Whee!
Albie Pujols sent the yacht to go pick up Jose Contreras’ family!
Tuft McGraw on a possible Paul Pierce-Tyson Chandler swap. If Danny Ainge does this he should be drawn and quartered. I’d love to see Pierce playing for the Bulls. But that’s just me. Antoine Walker can tell him what the best late night diner to get mugged in front of is.
The Smoking Gun has the Jack-Jeri Ryan divorce papers. Oh, come on, who doesn’t take their wives to sex clubs? I’m sure your grandparents used to go all the time! Wow, see, now that mental image is in your mind. Sorry.
Jessica Simpson’s kidneys are acting up.
Her kidneys look fine to me.
Two Kansans had sex in a theater during Dodgeball. Amateurs. When you have sex in a movie theater, you don’t go in the hallway, and you don’t get completely naked. Morans. (How much of that was out loud?)
“What you mean the vial labeled ‘S. Kemp’ was from a black guy?” Oops! I thought it was former Sox outfielder Steve Kemp!
America’s finest news source takes a look at the new Iraqi flag.
Again, sorry for the lengthy site address, but check out this column:
http://www.stltoday.com/stltoday/sports/columnists.nsf/Bernie+Miklasz/A57CC17440AD78FB86256EBC001AEF29?OpenDocument&Headline=This+Cubs+squad+should+be+shown+the+proper+respect
It’s a nice way to tell the Cardinal Nation to be afraid. Be very afraid.
I am extremely pissed about playing that stupid song while the Cubs are stretching. Who’s in charge of that stuff at the Big Urinal Cake, Al Hrabosky? Learn something new. Maybe they can get together with the White Sox and take a class to deal with their insecurities and inferiority complexes.
Hey Andy, just thought I’d chime in early in the discussions to say you write awesome articles and I look forward to them everyday as part of my required internet reading. Keep it up
Oh and you best believe I’m hitting those Google ads daily
Walt in CR asked for a review of Tuesday night’s Midwest League All-Star Game, so here it is.
The game itself was pretty non-descript. It was the pre-game activities and post-game impromptu gathering that stole the headlines from my perspective.
First, there was the Home Run Derby before the game. It was bad enough that the home plate area was in complete shadow and the pitcher’s mound was in bright sunshine, but they also had the pitcher hurling from about 45 feet! The first couple of guys barely got any wood on the ball and nothing came close to leaving the yard.
Then, Cubs prospect Brian Dopirak came to the plate. He has 20-plus HRs and is a pretty big guy. Suddenly, there’s a change of pitchers to a South Bend coach. On the sixth pitch, he DRILLS Dopirak on the left forearm! I thought he fractured his wrist. Perhaps the dumbest thing I have seen at a minor league game. Dopirak finished his cuts after a "What the f-ck!" glare at the pitcher.
Rob Dibble threw out the first pitch. No, he didn’t hit Doug Dascenzo in the back, but he had so many tatoos on his arm that he looked like a member of the band Slipknot.
In the 8th inning, I heard some commotion from the concourse behind me. As I found out after the game, it was a large group of people who had congregated around a TV monitor and they were reacting to the Ramirez double. When we got up there with one out in Cardinals ninth, the crowd had grown to about 150 people. Some started chanting "Let’s go Cubs!", and when Lassie flew out to end the game, I yelled "DK 57". It was truly an amazing experience.
Dave,
"A Dying Cubs Fan Last Request" is not a stupid song. It’s one of my best pieces of work.
Besides, St. Louisans don’t get it. Even though being a Cub fan has meant watching a bunch of losing teams, we do live a better, more fun life.
Here’s the difference:
Both managers left their starter in one batter too long.
However, Dusty didn’t panic and made a move that fit into his normal bullpen usage by putting in Farnsworth.
LaRussa, who probably has to be wondering why he can’t beat Dusty in a big game, has a lead late and decides he has to make a somewhat abnormal move and put in Isringhausen to protect that lead and beat Dusty in a big game. Of course, Isringhausen probably isn’t as used to pitching in the 8th, and he gives up the hit and the game.
So, in the end, both managers screwed up. However, by not going into a panic after the mistake, Dusty’s move helped win the game (Along with the assist from Mr. Ramirez).
I disagree that it was a mistake for LaRussa to use Izzy in the eighth. If Izzy is your best reliever, you want him to get the toughest outs. Alou, Sosa, and Ramirez (if anyone gets on) were up int he eighth. That’s the key to the game. I say put your best guy out there. Fortunately, it didn’t work out that way.
thanks, Dave B for the status report. Hope you had good seats and were at least 20 feet away from the CR Spirit cheerleaders. They look great at that distance, don’t they? if you were closer than 20 feet, then I apologize for all of Cedar Rapids. Hope you weren’t trying to eat.
as Harry always said "ah, You can’t beat fun at the old ballpark."
What am I doing in the above picture, Andy? Any chance you can crop me out? Thanks.
You know what, Walt? I thought the same thing when I saw the Spirits perform last night. Two or three of them might be OK, though. Their performance in the first inning was cut short (to about 10 seconds) due to a music malfunction.
Conceptually I agree with what Brian (old #7) says about bringing in your best reliever.
The only problem with The Genius’ move is this: it’s the same move that Jimy Williams made last week, bringing in Dotel to face the Cubs in the 8th. Same result, too.
Before making a pitching change, managers must always consider the "Jimy Williams rule"…which is: In any situation, think what Jimy would do, and then do the diametric opposite, and you’ll probably do OK.
Chip likes 20/20 hindsight, but…
"Of course, Isringhausen probably isn’t as used to pitching in the 8th"
Many of his shaky saves have been more than 1 inning. If there’s any correlation between not being "as used to pitching in the 8th" and giving up a double, it doesn’t apply to a 10-year veteran.
The difference was that Aramis came through with a clutch double instead of making an out.
At least The Genius pulled Isringhausen before the 9th so he’ll have something in the tank to blow another one tonight, if need be.
what’s wrong with us? We’re very short but have good lungs.
![]("http://www.crspirits.com/images/ASA/GroupShotCanTall.gif"/)
Was I the South Bend coach who drilled Dopirak?
No, it was a Latin guy who smoked him. I did hoot when they announced Jeff Pico’s name in the pre-game ceremonies.
http://www.crspirits.com
Where are our cowbells?
Where’s the chuck wagon?
Hey, I had a joke in the Wiz’s column. How come nobody is riding me as a talentless hack?
I’m a needy comedian, folks, I crave attention even if is insulting.
I would like more of a closeup on them farm-bred slutcakes. Like to see if they still have the tractor tracks in their facial skin.
RE: Jessica Simpson: I love that particular picture. She couldn’t possibly look dumber, or more pulchridtous. (Is that a word that means ‘big tits’, journalism boy? I think it is.)
ask and ye shall receive
The Eliza Dushku lookalike in the cut shirt ain’t half bad. Her friend on the left is definitely grain fed.
I can be made shorter at http://www.tinyurl.com
That’s "pulchritudinous"…
Has anyone seen Karry Ling around lately?
http://www.thedenverchannel.com/news/3451072/detail.html
(courtesy of Fark.com)
Why didn’t Dopirak take me as his caddy for the HR Derby?
Who’d a thunk I could improve my vocabulary at desipio.com? I had to go to the webster’s dictionary to find "pulchritudinous". It doesn’t mean big t1ts but close enough. Thanks Sloth.
It’s time for me to get my hair frosted again boys!!!
I hope my groin & I can make it back in time for tonight’s big game!!!!
It’s time for me to frost a cake fellas.
It will only take me about 15 minutes to frost and eat that muthaphucka, so don’t worry. I’ll be back in plenty of time to face a hitter.
Here’s the new url for the Bernie Miklasz column in #1.
http://tinyurl.com/37qtm
Who knew?
Tell the Genius to keep that Edmonds on a leash
Nice Article
I send you and your visitors my best greetings.