Well if you didn’t miss me, I’ll bet at the very least you missed my taste in gratuitous, mostly-safe-for-work pictures of scantily clad women. Click the link and I’ll deliver the goods, along with my on-target thoughts and predictions regarding this evening’s festivities and the increasingly volatile landscape of the NBA.

First things first. Andy thinks Jamie is not hot. I present Exhibit A.

And expert witness Bill Parcells agrees she is one hot Jap — “no offense.” The defense rests.

Oriental readership offended? — check.

Why does every Real World season end with such a fizzle? At least Frankie had the good sense to get the hell out of there while she still had some sense of dignity… Well until she wore a Juliet costume to the airport. But, there was so much promise with this cast (Remember how cute and normal Cameran used to seem? How semi-hot Robin looked in a bikini?), yet all we’re gonna remember is — When in the hell is Charlie gonna take care of that thing growing on his face? And why did he feel the need to have his lame and average-looking girlfriend come to visit him during his 2nd night in the house??? It’s time for a successful Real World spinoff anyway, put Jaquese and Randy in an apartment with plenty of booze and put it on in Ashlee Simpson’s timeslot. Enough about Josh already, Ashlee!… Nice parenting job on those two by the way Mr. and Mrs. Simpson — sure they’re not bad on the eyes, but combined, the girls are still a few IQ points shy of Benny from LA Law. I’m pretty sure Benny knew how to work a freakin’ mop!

Mentally handicapped readership offended? —- check.

Speaking of attractive siblings, Mary Kate eat something for the love of God! But seriously, anorexia is no laughing matter…

Ahhhh, who am I kidding? It’s sorta funny.

Readers with eating disorders offended? —- check.
Readers offended due to no accompanying pics of the bony Olsen? — check.

I’ll be honest, even though it’d have a negative impact on this draft’s overall depth, tonight would have been much more enjoyable without having to stomach a David Stern handshake with both Luol Deng and Shaun Livingston.

This much we know about tonight’s draft —- the first two picks will be Emeka Okafor and Dwight Howard. Shaun Livingston doesn’t fall past #4 — meaning I suppose he made the right decision to forego the Duke experience and the Clippers are only semi-clueless, and Luke Jackson can thank Larry Bird’s recent Great-White-Hope comments for single-handedly elevating him to an undeserved top 10 pick. What about Mike Dunleavy, Jr., Larry? He’s a budding white superstar… O.K., maybe not.

Allow me to go on a mini-rant here, as Luke could easily be running the floor for your Chicago Bulls next year. Dude plays no D. None. Sure he averaged over 20 a game last year, but it was in the Pac-10. Freakin’ Desmon Farmer averaged 19.5!! I’ll bet even B.C. could score once in awhile out there… On the court I mean. Immediate team needs aside, the NBA g.m. that picks Luke Jackson over an available Luol Deng, Andre Iguodola and Josh Childress, who are all roughly the same size and play the same position, should also offer his official resignation.

B.C. and his fan(s) offended? — check.

The Oregon Ducks were Luke’s team last year. And he led them to an 18-13 lackluster season in a conference that included Washington State, Oregon State and a crappier-than-usual version of UCLA — and they weren’t even good enough to win the NIT. Wins don’t always translate to NBA productivity of course, but I think Luke has Keith Van Horn written all over him. And the Bulls could certainly benefit from an additional proven winner or two. Minnesota’s Kris Humphries has a much better shot of being the cracker with his face on the cover of an EA Sports game than Luke. And I loathe Kris Humphries and his overbearing, misguided father. Good riddance in Utah, losers.

Utah residents and crackers that love to root for crackers that can jump offended? — check.

If you’re the Bulls, and you’ve unsuccessfully exhausted every opportunity to pry Paul Pierce from Danny Ainger, then you parlay the #3 and #7 in to Andre Iguodala and Luol Deng. Both guys can run, jump, pass and play a lil’ d, and Deng can shoot. Then you try to trade any combination of Curry, Chandler and Crawford for a serviceable and legitimate post presence. But, that’s just me.

It’s going to be a cooky and unpredictable night… Aside from T-Mac all but guaranteed to land in Houston, you’ve got rumors of Shaq to Dallas or Indy or Cleveland? Leading eventually to Kobe in Phoenix? But we all know there is one guy, and only one guy that tonight is really all about. I’m talking about a young man with more courage, resilience and honor in one of his single, bruised ribs than most men have in their entire bodies. I’m talking about a guy that only walked off the floor in defeat 21 times during 4 years of college —- or roughly 5 times a season! No, not Ben Gordon or Jameer Nelson (though both those guys are going to have decent NBA careers), we’re talking Chris Duhon.

Not counting guys like BYU’s Rafael Araujo or Duke’s Deng, there could be as many as 10 foreigners drafted in the first round, joined by 5-6 high schoolers not in the same stratosphere as Dwight Howard or Shaun Livingston. And if we learned nothing from the Detroit Pistons effectively dismantling not only the Lakers title hopes, but their entire organization — it’s that American born, experienced point guards are the keys to success. Duhon, Nelson, Gordon (who should have no problem making the transition to the point) and even Devin Harris, are guys that can step in right away and win — or at least take a similar career path to a Chauncey Billups. You can even trade down to get them in most cases.

What in the hell are the Charlotte Bobcats doing by the way? They do know they’ll actually be playing games next year, right???

I promise to chime in on the DraftCast, before the end of the night… That is as soon as your mother stops instant messaging me.

Readers sensitive to yo-momma cracks offended? —- check.

On the miscellaneous tip, props to Nicole Richie for being named one of Maxim’s hottest 100… Which on surface seems ridiculous, but it just goes to show the value of high-end photography and airbrushing.

I’m willing to check out an older model with a few more miles on the odometer personally…

Hot older chicks offended by being referred to as older?….. Like hot chicks really read Desipio… But if they did, they’d be expected to click the ads just like everyone else… Or so I’m guessing.

By the way, since it’s been over three months since my last post, I’d like to offer my sincere apologies to Lindsay Lohan, whose homely-freckled-annoying-teen to bodacious-redheaded-vixen to damn-I’m-already-sick-of-her hastened transormation coincided with my lengthy absence, and thusly went ignored and undocumented for your consideration and viewing pleasure.

I’d also like to offer my sincere apologies to those of you that appreciate and expect a wider variety of perspectives at Desipio, and more importantly, pics of chicks. I can’t even remember the last time Andy posted a Dushku, and he came up with a much more benign photo of Jerri Ryan than I’d have hooked you up with. For this I am truly sorry. And I’ll be making it up to you for the remainder of the summer…

Now I’ll return you to your regular all-Cubs-all-the-time programming, and go back to counting down the minutes til the premiere of the Surreal Life featuring Flava F’ing Flav… Yeeeeeeeaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh Boy-eeeeeeeee!