Starting pitchers
Brewers: Victor Santos 8-3, 4.08 ERA
Cubs: Matt Clement 7-8, 2.91 ERA
226 Comments
Good Luck Charm
on July 16, 2004 at 1:15 pm
Hey, I have the first post! So to celebrate, here’s a good luck charm for Matt Clement to reverse his luck, and get 8 runs of support today–a gratuitous pic of his future teammates wife, Mrs. Kris Benson.
Sloth
on July 16, 2004 at 1:29 pm
Hi, and welcome to Ask Kris, where today’s readers are encouraged to ask Kris Benson, soon to be ex-Pirates star pitcher, anything they want about the world of sports.
Our first question comes from a Mr. Sloth from Corn Hole, Illinoize. It reads, "Hey, Kris? What do those feel like. I’m ashamed to admit, I’ve never felt up a silicone sister before. Is it like those stress balls they give you at team-building seminars?"
CT
on July 16, 2004 at 1:33 pm
It’s raining pretty hard downtown right now, any idea if we’re going to get this one in?
Walker
on July 16, 2004 at 1:39 pm
Why am I not playing?
Sloth
on July 16, 2004 at 1:39 pm
It’s cloudy but no rain out west
CT
on July 16, 2004 at 1:42 pm
Jim Hendry has called a press conference for 2pm today-I assume to make an announcement on the outcome of Prior’s MRI.
Dusty
on July 16, 2004 at 1:43 pm
Because I have faith in Macias and Grud at the top, Walk. Isn’t it funny that last year when I had bench crap like Lenny Harris, I found ways to stick him in the lineup all the time, but when I have a bench guy better than my starter, he sits? Ha ha! I’m a funny guy.
The MRI shows no structural damage to Prior’s elbow.
Rusch
on July 16, 2004 at 2:10 pm
Who needs Prior?
stech
on July 16, 2004 at 2:16 pm
So, pansy it is then. Great?
Dear Mr. Sloth
on July 16, 2004 at 2:16 pm
The family and I were planning one of those long agonizing car trips across this great country and damned if our travels don’t take us down the interstate nearest to Corn hole. If we decide to stop by, are there any sights in Corn hole that you recommend seeing?
Kris Benson
on July 16, 2004 at 2:16 pm
Sloth,
All real, baby. See the way they flop beautifully out to the side? That’s how you can tell.
Can you believe she married me, even though I spell my name like a girl?
KB
Jose Macias
on July 16, 2004 at 2:16 pm
Who needs a leadoff hitter?
Indolent Reader
on July 16, 2004 at 2:18 pm
Can someone please post a picture of Lima Time’s wife so we can compare?
Much obliged.
CT
on July 16, 2004 at 2:19 pm
Dave B, Hendry say anthing else? I assume they’re going to run a bone scan like they did last time. The storm seems to have passed over now. Is the game going to start on time?
Grudz
on July 16, 2004 at 2:22 pm
Why am I playing?
Laura
on July 16, 2004 at 2:23 pm
CT, Hendry said they had run a bone scan and were waiting for the results. He’s supposed to be on WGN sportscentral tonight (though I’ve heard that before).
Average Desipio Reader
on July 16, 2004 at 2:25 pm
Laura, that’s a girl’s name. Eww! … or post pictures of yourself. ;)!
Damn it, Grud, do you not read before you post? I JUST SAID why. Keep up this second-guessing and once Aramis is back, Macias will be getting all the starts at 2nd.
Rey Ordonez
on July 16, 2004 at 2:30 pm
Hey Dusty, I can play 2nd!
Sloth
on July 16, 2004 at 2:33 pm
#14…oh, well, hey, there’s always the Casa De Sloth, and the TrojanDome, and the big DelMonte plant, and the Country Ranch, where they hold the Mexican rodeo, and…the shuffleboard parlor. No BS, we have one.
But all that pales to CornHole Memorial Hospital, be sure you get in before closing (5:00) to see the Items Retrieved From Rectum display, in the front lobby. CLASSIC!
Chip Carey
on July 16, 2004 at 2:33 pm
Hey Kris, you wish your wife was as hot as my Biggio
Question
on July 16, 2004 at 2:34 pm
How do you post a picture?
Sloth
on July 16, 2004 at 2:35 pm
#15, real my ass, Kris.
I lied. I did squeeze ’em on a stripper. In Peeeeoria. I was afraid of burstage. Of course, I might have been overserved.
CT
on July 16, 2004 at 2:44 pm
Is this the first time this year we’ve gotten through the first inning without the Brewers scoring?
pd
on July 16, 2004 at 2:45 pm
From the Tribune this afternoon
——————————————————————————–
chicagosports.chicagotrib…-headlines
An MRI taken Friday on Mark Prior revealed no damage to the right-hander’s ulnar collateral ligament or his ulnar nerve, Chicago Cubs’ general manager Jim Hendry said Friday.
An MRI taken Friday on Mark Prior revealed no damage to the right-hander’s ulnar collateral ligament or his ulnar nerve, Chicago Cubs’ general manager Jim Hendry said Friday.
Hendry quoted team physician Stephen Adams as saying Prior’s "ligament is robust."
Prior’s ligament had no comment.
Grud
on July 16, 2004 at 2:45 pm
See, that’s why I’m playing today. I can bunt, baby!
Mike D.
on July 16, 2004 at 2:45 pm
Jose pressed his luck yesterday going to third. His voodoo doll told him to stay at second bag today.
Jose Macias
on July 16, 2004 at 2:45 pm
It’s Macias Time!
Corey
on July 16, 2004 at 2:47 pm
Well, if I’m going to BAT in Sammy’s spot…
Corey
on July 16, 2004 at 2:47 pm
Ugh. Not that Sammy wouldn’t have swung at that, either, though.
Cardinal Fan
on July 16, 2004 at 2:49 pm
Although the Cubs are a minor league team and cannot play with teams like St Louis (7 games out soon to be 8 after tonight) I hate to hear that Prior’s arm didn’t actually fall off. That would be great if he had to sit out another month or two. Then you all would have a few more excuses as to why the Cubs really suck. Face it…there is always next year for you morons. CUBS= completely useless by september….oh hell it is only July!!!!! Go CARDS!!!
Real Fan Went Sammy Went "Shimper"
on July 16, 2004 at 2:49 pm
SIT DOWN! IT"S A STUPID CAN OF CORN YOU MORON!!!
Corey
on July 16, 2004 at 2:50 pm
Yeah, hey, I took a strike just for you guys that time to start the AB. Maybe bad timing for plate discipline when a fly ball does the job.
Um. That was supposed to be: Real Fan, WHEN Sammy Went "Whimper"
on July 16, 2004 at 2:50 pm
I’m a moran. Guess I should put the crack pipe down during work.
Perplexed
on July 16, 2004 at 2:51 pm
Do the Cubs ever score anyone who’s on third and less than two out?
cardinal fan
on July 16, 2004 at 2:52 pm
Do you idiots not have anything better to do but talk about the game on here while it is actually going on on television. Get a life or job….the Cubs suck!
GO CARDS…2004 world series champs
Mr. Santo
on July 16, 2004 at 2:52 pm
hey cardinal’s fan #36, how were the playoffs last year?
Matt Clement
on July 16, 2004 at 2:52 pm
Man, I hate you guys.
Indolent Reader
on July 16, 2004 at 2:52 pm
Good to see Jeff Santo is at Wrigley today.
HEY CARD FAN (#36):
on July 16, 2004 at 2:54 pm
Can
Anally
Raped
Deadbirds
Shit
?
Sorry for the profanity. I think–in this instance–it’s deserved.
CT
on July 16, 2004 at 2:55 pm
Wow, an ill mannered Cardinals fan, who appears to be inbred to the point of senselessness. Thanks for stopping by and re-inforcing the sterotypes we have of you. And I’m glad you’ve got nothing better to do than hang out at a web site for a team that you hate.
Steve from UC
on July 16, 2004 at 2:55 pm
Okay, Cardinal fan, the majority of us are at work. We chat on desipio to give us a sense of community–much like guys sitting around a bar chatting during the game.
So, go find some board upon which to post that has to do with your corn-fed team.
cardinal's fluffer
on July 16, 2004 at 2:55 pm
no, we don’t have anything better to do.
why the hell are you on this site?
To #41
on July 16, 2004 at 2:55 pm
That we have jobs is precisely why we’re here. We’re getting paid right now.
We have internet connections at work because we don’t work at Schnuck’s or Piggly Wiggly. Now go take the mop to aisle 8.
Okay try "scat". Can scat be a verb, or just a noun?
on July 16, 2004 at 2:55 pm
Just asking.
pd
on July 16, 2004 at 2:56 pm
I guess the Card’s fans are still worried about our second place club if they are here posting.
Do you think Matt Morris’ ligament
is as robust as Prior’s?
TD
on July 16, 2004 at 2:56 pm
We spend so much time bashing Korey, Sammy, Alou, Bako (all rightly so in most cases), so why does Dusty get off so easy? I’m tired of hearing how players love playing for Dusty. Maybe they love playing for him because they can be selfish and look to pad their stats without being having to worry about "fundamental baseball."
Just a thought.
Bill Hall
on July 16, 2004 at 2:57 pm
Hey, am I Mel Hall’s son?
cardinal fan
on July 16, 2004 at 2:58 pm
The playoffs were great! I went to my local pub every night and rooted against the cubs every second…oh yeah the goat was with me up until the last game…i have to go, ron santo is at my door ready to go shag fly balls
Grud
on July 16, 2004 at 2:58 pm
Hey, we don’t even need to pad our stats! Dusty rules!
CT
on July 16, 2004 at 3:00 pm
Yeah, we all know what you used the goat for. You went to the local pub? Did Missouri lower it’s drinking age to 15?
Dusty
on July 16, 2004 at 3:00 pm
Damnnit TD,
I wrote a book on hitting. It’s clearly not my fault that these guys have problems hitting. See for yourself.
I also have lots of cd-roms and vhs tapes for your pleasure none of which contain Mrs. Benson or Mrs. Lima sadly.
Moises Alou
on July 16, 2004 at 3:01 pm
I’m taking requests today, do you guys want a check swing ground out, or a check swing pop out?
Now Batting 2nd...
on July 16, 2004 at 3:03 pm
…Derrek Lee.
Just in the 6 hole.
Derrek Lee
on July 16, 2004 at 3:04 pm
At least I’m not useless.
Derrek
on July 16, 2004 at 3:04 pm
Eat my shorts, Korey. Go bat 8th. Or get used to the bench when the Pie gets here in April 2006.
Moises Alou
on July 16, 2004 at 3:05 pm
Ground out it is…
Cubs
on July 16, 2004 at 3:06 pm
If we don’t score here, Matt Clement should start throwing the Gatorade cooler around in anger like the Farns that one time.
Alex Gonzalez
on July 16, 2004 at 3:07 pm
Oooh, I’ll be back to strike out four times on Monday!
Ramon Martinez
on July 16, 2004 at 3:07 pm
Guess it’s up to me…
Rey Ordonez
on July 16, 2004 at 3:08 pm
Alex – good, I was getting sick of carrying that load by myself.
gonzo
on July 16, 2004 at 3:08 pm
well, no hits, a couple of strikeouts, i think im about back to normal. put me in, baker
Matt Clement
on July 16, 2004 at 3:09 pm
No, Ramon, it’s up to me. I wonder if I can actually make contact?
CT
on July 16, 2004 at 3:09 pm
Any chance Clement just leans in and gets hit by a pitch?
Matt Clement
on July 16, 2004 at 3:10 pm
Maybe I’ll just foul off 18 pitches and hit a grand slam.
Matt Clement
on July 16, 2004 at 3:11 pm
Christ, do I have to EVERYTHING around here?
Matt Clement
on July 16, 2004 at 3:12 pm
F@ck you Joe Boo, I do it myself.
matt clement
on July 16, 2004 at 3:12 pm
ill just have to give myself so offense to finally win a damn game
Since when do The Cubs Take The Extra Base?
on July 16, 2004 at 3:13 pm
Especially since Hollandsworth’s been out.
Ha ha, no forceout.
Macias
on July 16, 2004 at 3:13 pm
Hey, Sam-ola. That’s called a sacrafice fly. See?
Grud
on July 16, 2004 at 3:13 pm
Can I get a hit? Please?
Chip Caray
on July 16, 2004 at 3:14 pm
The Cubs are being terribly short sighted in this inning, sure they’ve gotten 2 runs, but Matt Clement has to run the bases!
Alex
on July 16, 2004 at 3:14 pm
I’m in midesason form.
.330 BA
But Ricky’s batting .380 in over 60 AB’s.
Yeah?
Alex
on July 16, 2004 at 3:14 pm
Ahem.
I meant .220.
Alex
on July 16, 2004 at 3:15 pm
.230
Aren’t I being dumped for O. Cabrera anyway?
Dusty
on July 16, 2004 at 3:16 pm
Don’t worry about it, Grud. You’re still my 2b!
Grud
on July 16, 2004 at 3:17 pm
Hey remember when I hit that homer against the Sox? Yeah, hold that thought.
Rey Ordoòez
on July 16, 2004 at 3:18 pm
Can anybody believe that I’ve made it this long with the team?
Especially after the St. Louis game in June when they suprisingly DIDN’T cancel my flight?
Offman
on July 16, 2004 at 3:19 pm
THEY’RE ALL LYING!!!
"The exact words used by Dr. (Stephen) Adams were that the ligament is robust and in perfect shape," Hendry said. "There’s absolutely no possibility of Tommy John (surgery) or ligament reconstruction or anything like that."
Andy
on July 16, 2004 at 3:20 pm
Chip is worried that the Cardinals are going to get the Unit. I’ll bet Lassie Edmonds would be excited about some shower time with Randy.
Oh, this half inning should be fun. Five minutes of Chip and Steve fellating the Cardinals. That never gets old, does it?
Albie Pujols
on July 16, 2004 at 3:21 pm
Why haven’t they mentioned my gold glove caliber-ness yet?
Andy
on July 16, 2004 at 3:22 pm
The word robust makes me think of Dom Deluise in Cannonball Run.
What was the Doctor’s name again, no, wait it was Captain Chaos.
Andy
on July 16, 2004 at 3:23 pm
Chip just said, and I quote. "If you get to the playoffs this is a team no one is going to face."
What, does that mean?
Ooh, Clement covered first, did he hurt his elbow?
Randy Johnson
on July 16, 2004 at 3:24 pm
Actually, I do want to be traded to the Cardinals, but not because their contenders. I just want to go someplace where I’d be considered handsome.
Homer
on July 16, 2004 at 3:24 pm
Shower time mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
santo
on July 16, 2004 at 3:24 pm
i love that word, fanny
Dave Nelson
on July 16, 2004 at 3:24 pm
Thanks for the shout out, Chip! I was almost as bad as you when I announced for the Cubs!
Barrett
on July 16, 2004 at 3:25 pm
Good thing I went out to settle down Clement
TD
on July 16, 2004 at 3:26 pm
This Mensa exchange just occurred on the radio:
Ron Santo: I noticed that Houston lost yesterday. That’s Garner’s first loss.
Pat Hughes: I believe Houston had the day off yesterday, Ron.
It’s only a matter of time before old Ronnie becomes Harry Part Deux.
craig counsell
on July 16, 2004 at 3:26 pm
maybe if i didn’t stand like an idiot at the plate, i could’ve moved out of the way
Walt Jocketty
on July 16, 2004 at 3:27 pm
I’m preparing my offer of Hector Luna, Bo Hart and Kiko Calero!
Notre Dame
on July 16, 2004 at 3:28 pm
Counsell didn’t learn that weird batting stance shit when he was here.
CT
on July 16, 2004 at 3:28 pm
TD, I think Ronnie is way past the Harry Caray stage. He spends most of the game counting fans for the attendance game. I think my favorite thing is when he gets mad at Wendell Kim and shouts "what was what’s his name doing?".
Andy
on July 16, 2004 at 3:28 pm
Chip wants "more scouts in the Hall of Fame."
Like Boy Scouts? Ranger Rick? Who?
Ron Santo
on July 16, 2004 at 3:30 pm
No more scouts in the Hall of Fame until me and what’shisface get in.
Jay Silverheels
on July 16, 2004 at 3:31 pm
Andy:
Chip wants Tonto’s horse in the Hall of Fame.
They do have an intimate relationship you know.
Uh…
Chip and Scout, that is. Tonto is Clayton Moore’s bitch.
Bill E. Goat
on July 16, 2004 at 3:32 pm
So far, knock on wood, the Brewers have been stymied. Mel Hall Jr., in for late scratch and blossoming Cub Killer Wes Helms, erred to help us score, and that little ***** Counsell just got pegged by Clement, a day after starting ANOTHER Cubs rally.
Wind blowing out to right
on July 16, 2004 at 3:32 pm
Plesae note that the wind is all generated by Korey’s bat.
WGN Listener
on July 16, 2004 at 3:33 pm
Pat jumped the gun. And it was UNaccompanied by a "YURRRLLLEEEAAAAGGGGHHHHH"
How the hell can you hit Counsel with a pitch? The way he stands his profile is narrower than half of home plate!
Andy
on July 16, 2004 at 3:34 pm
Gotta love Chip analyzing the historical significance of the Brewers’ ERA in their NL history.
All six years of it.
WGN LIstener
on July 16, 2004 at 3:34 pm
He did it again for Alou’s foul ball. And AGAIN Ronny went silent.
He was, in fact, ripping on Sammy for the pitch he swung at.
chip carey
on July 16, 2004 at 3:35 pm
well, you know its a good sign when sammy starts going to the opposite field
Matt Clement
on July 16, 2004 at 3:35 pm
I have tremendous aim, Chuck.
jamie lee curtis
on July 16, 2004 at 3:36 pm
Steve just gave me a shout out! I had no idea he loved ovary-less "women" so much!
Wrigley's Troughs
on July 16, 2004 at 3:36 pm
Matt. Not from what we’ve seen.
steve stone
on July 16, 2004 at 3:37 pm
chip keeps touching me, even when i tell him to stop
Andy
on July 16, 2004 at 3:37 pm
I could have a dollar for every ball an opposing outfielder has dropped at Wrigley this month, I’d have…four dollars!
Alou
on July 16, 2004 at 3:37 pm
Sometimes I love the ivy; sometimes I want to rip it from the wall.
Ivy
on July 16, 2004 at 3:38 pm
Hopefully you won’t hate me today, Mo.
Wildcard?
on July 16, 2004 at 3:39 pm
Pat’s already trying to brace his dumbass, on-the-ledge-fans that the Wildcard is–gosh darn it–not so bad. Thanks for breaking it to us so delicately, Pat. Now go take a growler.
Juan Pierre
on July 16, 2004 at 3:39 pm
The ivory is pretty cool, but there’s no padding behind that ivory.
Derrek Lee
on July 16, 2004 at 3:40 pm
Being the Wildcard is great! Especially when you win the World Series.
Andy
on July 16, 2004 at 3:41 pm
Worst DirecTV Freeview concert ever…on channel 801 there’s a woman killing a cat to music.
Oh, wait, no it’s Patti Scialfa.
You would think that she’d have at least swallowed some of Bruce’s talent by now.
Apparently not.
Steve from UC
on July 16, 2004 at 3:41 pm
Commerical break story: I was at the ball game with a friend last year when the Cubs were playing the Marlins. He and I were in the bleachers, and when Juan Pierre made an excellent catch at one point, my pal yelled out "Go back to Freedom, Pierre!" Needless to say, he was drunk and I was embarassed.
Stevie and Paul
on July 16, 2004 at 3:43 pm
Ebony and Ivory
Live together in perfect harmony
Juan Pierre’s got good wheels, lots of steals
But he’s a moran!
Corey Patterson
on July 16, 2004 at 3:44 pm
I’d love to second the idea that Don Baylor is a tremendous hitting coach.
Perhaps there was some hitting knowledge in his chemo?
Andy
on July 16, 2004 at 3:45 pm
Chip has no clue how to score a baseball game does he?
Jose Macias completely misses a line drive and Chip has to see how it’s going to be scored…
You’d think Chip had never seen a baseball game before. He must be bludgeoned.
CT
on July 16, 2004 at 3:45 pm
Do you think that Steve hates Chip more than Hawk hates DJ? Here’s one of my favorite Chip & Steve exchanges:
Chip: Opponents are hitting .250 against [Glendon] Rusch when his pitch count is below 100, but only .166 when it’s above 100. What do you think that means?
Steve: It means he doesn’t throw more than 100 pitches very often
Jose Macias
on July 16, 2004 at 3:46 pm
I can’t go left.
I can’t go right.
What’s left?
Wait, I already said I can’t go left.
Stevie and Frank
on July 16, 2004 at 3:47 pm
Stevie: I am black, and you are white
Frank: You are blind as a bat, and I have sight!
Bill Hall
on July 16, 2004 at 3:47 pm
Watch as I strike out with a runner at third.
Frank Sinatra to Stevie
on July 16, 2004 at 3:48 pm
You are black, and I am white
You are blind as a bat, and I have sight
Side by side on the piano…negro…amigo
Let’s not fight!
Dusty Baker
on July 16, 2004 at 3:49 pm
I’d play Walker at 3rd, but the ball seems to find guys when you play them out of position. Notice how the ball never finds Macias.
Mark Prior's robust elbow ligament
on July 16, 2004 at 3:49 pm
If I’m as robust as they say, shouldn’t Calfzilla suck it up and pitch through the pain?
I’m just asking.
Matt Clement
on July 16, 2004 at 3:50 pm
Dammit, my near insurmountable lead has been cut in half!
Mike D.
on July 16, 2004 at 3:50 pm
Hey. Did anybody around here say anything about Journey last night? How eff-ing obnoxious. Their SS Banner was, like, 4 minutes. It was like Bleeding Gums Murphy on "The Simpsons", except it wasn’t a cartoon. Does anybody know the name of that stupid guitarist who was obviously jealous of Eddie Van Halen all through the 80’s? If Eddie had wanted to perform the SS Banner like that, then I say go ahead, ED. Your brand of music was kind of lame, but you were still the best guitarist of your decade. Let her riff.
But this loser? Then him and his friend tried to sing their own lame Journey song before "Take Me Out to the Ballgame". Jesus.
The worst part? You just KNOW that Chip COULDN’T WAIT to do THIS INTERVIEW.
And then, it turns out one of these losers (may have been the guitarist), was "from Chicago". He mentioned Cicero Ave. and mumbled some cross street, but whatever. It was obvious that he hardly felt a part of Chicago, as if, once he left, that he’d only come back to do the concerts.
And that’s obvious because he wasn’t cool enough for Chicago.
He also tried to be cute and throw it a Hank Sauer reference, and Stoney took the bait. He may have been sitting in his diapers–like Karry Ling would often do–when his grandpa took him, and I know he’s probably old, but he ain’t that old.
That is all. Sorry for the rant. Journey sucks. Always has. Prior’s accident was probably their fault.
At least Steve Perry wasn’t with them.
CT
on July 16, 2004 at 3:54 pm
Mike, you’ll get no argument from me regarding Journey. All I ever hear is how A and B-list celebs are pounding on the door of Trib Tower begging to sing the 7th inning stretch for nothing. So how in the hell did they stuck with Journey last night? Was Kenny Loggins busy?
Bort
on July 16, 2004 at 3:56 pm
Anyone else tired of Chip’s often used phrase "Give them what they earn." He uses at least 5 times a game.
Let’s set the over/under on 3 for the rest of today’s game.
Andy
on July 16, 2004 at 3:57 pm
Mike, CT.
Don’t stop believin’!
Tribune Company
on July 16, 2004 at 3:58 pm
We only give Chip what he earns. Yesterday’s paycheck total $0.
pd
on July 16, 2004 at 3:59 pm
Honesty compells me to say that I am just tired of Chippie generally.
Steve Perry
on July 16, 2004 at 4:00 pm
Yeah, but the chick in the "Oh, Sherry" video was a tasty morsel. Whatever happened to her? And what was her name?
CT
on July 16, 2004 at 4:00 pm
Let me guess, right now Chip is going on about how important it is to keep Posednik off base, and what a good leadoff hitter he is. He of .330 on base percentage.
Hawk
on July 16, 2004 at 4:01 pm
My fave player is up.
STRETCH!!!!!
DJ
on July 16, 2004 at 4:05 pm
I hate you Hawk.
CP
on July 16, 2004 at 4:09 pm
I liked it last night when Chip asked the guys from Journey if they ever get to the Chicago area for concerts.
Christ, Chip! You just said that they have been performing for 30 years, something tells me they’ve played a concert or two in the Chicagoland area.
I wish the Wheel in the Sky would fall on Chip!
Andy
on July 16, 2004 at 4:10 pm
I was just in the can reading Entertainment Weekly and listening to Pat and Ron. Usually I wait until Andy Masur is doing his half inning, then I put on a bad sweater and canvas tennis shoes and pretend I’m Pat while taking a steamer.
Anyway, in this week’s Entertainment Weekly, they refer to Pam Anderson as the "pneumatic actress."
They give the new Heart CD a B+ and did you know that seven of the top 20 cable shows are episodes of SpongeBob Squarepants?
Jose Macias
on July 16, 2004 at 4:10 pm
That was close, I almost walked.
Former Score Caller
on July 16, 2004 at 4:10 pm
I think the Cubs should trade Patterson and Clement for Podsednik. He’s a modern-day Kenny Lofton.
Andy
on July 16, 2004 at 4:12 pm
Chip said that Todd Walker’s playing time a third would be "predicated..perhaps" on the health of E-ramis.
Ya think?
Dusty Baker
on July 16, 2004 at 4:13 pm
Grud got a hit? Sorry Walker, it’s 2 more weeks on the bench for you.
.260's
on July 16, 2004 at 4:15 pm
Hi Sammy,
Remember us? You haven’t seen us since ’97. I see you may be moving back into the ole’ neighborhood soon. Do you need a handy with moving?
Sammy
on July 16, 2004 at 4:17 pm
I’m just teaching Korey how it’s done. Buddy.
Matt Clement
on July 16, 2004 at 4:18 pm
I hate this team.
Matt Clement
on July 16, 2004 at 4:20 pm
Oh for Christ’s sake.
CT
on July 16, 2004 at 4:21 pm
I’d say that Matt is severely testing the offensive potential of this team by giving up so many runs.
Matt Clement
on July 16, 2004 at 4:22 pm
Time to come get me Dusty…
Matt Clement
on July 16, 2004 at 4:24 pm
Never mind, I’ve righted the ship.
Matt Clement
on July 16, 2004 at 4:25 pm
If I get traded to Boston, I can participate in weekend re-enactments of events like the Boston Tea Party and the Emancipation Proclamation. Not that the ol’ EP was done in Boston, but still……
Is there any chance to trade for Abe Lincoln? After all, he was a lanky lefty, right?
Finley, Nomar and Carlos
on July 16, 2004 at 4:25 pm
F’n losers! You don’t need us!
CT
on July 16, 2004 at 4:26 pm
Other than Kolb, how is the Brewers bullpen this year? Vaunted, I’m sure.
Neal Schon
on July 16, 2004 at 4:26 pm
Hey Journey is great!
Cubs
on July 16, 2004 at 4:27 pm
Do you think we’ll score in this next inning? Not without a couple errors from the Brewers, we won’t!
Dusty
on July 16, 2004 at 4:28 pm
That’s 95, Matt. You’ve got 55 left in you before you start asking.
Dave B
on July 16, 2004 at 4:29 pm
How about Summer Sanders’ little black dress?
Bill Hall
on July 16, 2004 at 4:29 pm
I just climbed on top of the tarp to try and get a ball that landed 15 rows up.
Summer Sanders
on July 16, 2004 at 4:30 pm
Am I the dude who swam on the womens’ team in the Olympics?
Outside Corner
on July 16, 2004 at 4:30 pm
Man, I’m pretty big.
Andy
on July 16, 2004 at 4:31 pm
Best part of Moises bitching at the ump after the bogus dropped third strike. He took of his helmet and dropped it in the lefty batter’s box and stood there swearing at the ump, while Moises’ son had to run around both of them to get the helmet.
Father o’ the year, indeed.
Whatever happened to...
on July 16, 2004 at 4:31 pm
Moises Alou, the rare power hitter who rarely strikes out?
Matt Clement
on July 16, 2004 at 4:32 pm
Fck you guys, just take me out of the game so I don’t get the loss.
Moises
on July 16, 2004 at 4:32 pm
Here’s my new baseball card head shot. This was taken on June 1st.
B.C.
on July 16, 2004 at 4:32 pm
Clement, we finally get you two runs and you do this to us…
Ugh!!!
Victor Santos
on July 16, 2004 at 4:33 pm
I’m over 100 pitches now and suddenly striking people out. A wise man like Chip would compare me to Glendon Rusch.
Matt Clement
on July 16, 2004 at 4:34 pm
B.C., are you on crack? We have two runs because I DROVE IN ONE and got a hit so that allowed Macias to sac-fly in the other one.
3,4,5
on July 16, 2004 at 4:34 pm
Summed up in one word:
Ohfernine.
B.C.'s Southern Illinois PC
on July 16, 2004 at 4:35 pm
I’m just catching up. If I move any faster, I’ll done blowed up.
Sportsline
on July 16, 2004 at 4:39 pm
"Wes Helms of the Brewers was a late scratch due to an upset stomach."
Maybe Wes sees into the future and saw how this crapfest would play out.
Cubs Fans
on July 16, 2004 at 4:41 pm
We may all scratch the rest of the season for the same reasons as Wes.
Brooks K
on July 16, 2004 at 4:43 pm
I’m definitely vaunted.
Big Brooks
on July 16, 2004 at 4:43 pm
I’m the king-pitcher!
CT
on July 16, 2004 at 4:44 pm
Yahoo says that Bill Hall singled and then Brooks Kieshnick hit for Victor Santos. There was also an out record somewhere, what the hell is going on?
Matt Clement
on July 16, 2004 at 4:45 pm
F*%$ me.
Wes Helms
on July 16, 2004 at 4:45 pm
Trust me, you don’t want to know. There was a wild pitch involved. Pass the Pepto.
Mike Remlinger
on July 16, 2004 at 4:46 pm
I’ll save us.
Mike Remlinger
on July 16, 2004 at 4:47 pm
And I’ll shave us, if you want.
CT
on July 16, 2004 at 4:48 pm
Great, since Remlinger is in now, and the pitchers spot is coming up, I guess we’re going to get to see Kent Mercker in this game next inning.
Dave B
on July 16, 2004 at 4:49 pm
Clement is a moran.
Aramis
on July 16, 2004 at 4:49 pm
Any chance Dusty will use me as the pinch hitter?
Please Use Correctly
on July 16, 2004 at 4:49 pm
All Cub Fans need this for the rest of the year.
Dusty
on July 16, 2004 at 4:50 pm
There’s an 85% chance, Aramis.
CT
on July 16, 2004 at 4:50 pm
Aramis, only if you are between 89-93%, otherwise, it’s just not worth the risk.
Sammy
on July 16, 2004 at 4:51 pm
But I’m due, buddy! Everyone but Clement is due.
Todd Walker
on July 16, 2004 at 4:51 pm
Wait, so now Dusty is going to give away my pinch hit at-bats too?
B.C.
on July 16, 2004 at 4:52 pm
Can we just figure out how to play a baseball game without looking so awful just once?
Tom Goodwin
on July 16, 2004 at 4:53 pm
Walker, if Dusty needs a lefty pinch-hitter, I bet he’ll use me. See, there’s a 4% chance I’ll get on base, and, if so, watch out! I can wheel!
Vizcaino & Kolb
on July 16, 2004 at 4:53 pm
Our names are Vizcaino & Kolb.
We killed you playoff hopes.
Prepare to die!
Ramon Martinez & Rey Ordonez
on July 16, 2004 at 4:55 pm
Back off V&K! Killing the Cubs is our job.
Matt Clement
on July 16, 2004 at 4:55 pm
Serenity now…
Good call #192
on July 16, 2004 at 4:55 pm
Good grief!
CT
on July 16, 2004 at 4:56 pm
So we’re saving Walker for what? So he’s fresh next year?
#192
on July 16, 2004 at 4:56 pm
Christ, Dusty, THAT WAS A JOKE! Sheesh.
Dusty Baker
on July 16, 2004 at 4:59 pm
Hey, I haven’t thrown every pitcher in our rotation 150 pitches in a game yet!!!
Until I get every starter we have on the DL, you still gotta "trusty" me, right?
B.C.
on July 16, 2004 at 5:06 pm
That was fun, wasn’t it?!?!?
Cubs
on July 16, 2004 at 5:11 pm
What’s fun, this can’t score a run unless our pitcher drives one in stuff? Yeah, it’s awesome.
B.C.
on July 16, 2004 at 5:14 pm
#201,
It’s called sarcasm.
Alou
on July 16, 2004 at 5:24 pm
Check swing time!
B.C.
on July 16, 2004 at 5:25 pm
It’s Sheets versus Maddux (And Bako!) for tomorrow.
Well, I guess asking for a 2-2 split against a great team like the Brew Crew is all we can really hope for.
0 for 12
on July 16, 2004 at 5:27 pm
That is what the 3-4-5 hitters have done today.
B.C.
on July 16, 2004 at 5:32 pm
And, it’s over.
Yikes. We need bats AND arms.
The Todds
on July 16, 2004 at 5:32 pm
Hey, besides that doubleheader series in Pissburgh, when did the offense reeeeally start to blow? Oh, when we stopped playing every day.
Cincinnati Reds
on July 16, 2004 at 5:40 pm
We’ll try and beat the Cardinals today so the Cubs can stay at that comfortable 7 games back.
The Todd Squad
on July 16, 2004 at 5:42 pm
One of us is injured, the other is missing.
Todd Walker
on July 16, 2004 at 5:45 pm
I can be seen during games sitting on the bench and eating sunflower seeds. I must be an optical illusion, though, because why else would you have Goodwin pinch hitting?
B.C.
on July 16, 2004 at 6:14 pm
Good luck Reds. With the unhyped Dusty Baker (Dave Miley) managing you guys you really have no chance tonight.
Angry Floppy Hat Mob
on July 16, 2004 at 6:39 pm
FREE TODD WALKER!
HEAL TODD HOLLANDSWORTH!
FIRE WENDELL KIM!
MAKE A TRADE!
B.C.
on July 16, 2004 at 6:49 pm
Six facts about Dusty Baker:
1. Threw Mark Prior 118 more innings in 2003 than Prior did in 2002, his first season in the pros. Prior was injured before the season even began and now there is some chance he will not pitch again in 2004.
2. Kerry Wood injured for around two months this season in the first season after his first season with Baker managing.
3. While the Cubs have allowed nine less runs than the Cardinals to lead the majors in least runs allowed, the Cubs have scored 56 less runs. And this has happened even though Moises Alou, Michael Barrett, and Corey Patterson have had better than expected offensive performances this season. How is this possible? Seriously, this defies normal reasoning. The Reds have given up 110 more runs and scored only 7 more and, yet, the Reds are only one game worse than the Cubs!
4. Dusty Baker is 17-19 in the postseason lifetime. His one World Series appearance ties him with managing gods like Bobby Valentine, Jim Fregosi, Roger Craig, Bob Brenly, and Bruce Bochy. One time is one less than Mike Hargrove for crying out loud! And he had to beat the Yankees one time to do that!
5. Dusty Baker is 1-6 in his last seven postseason series-deciding games.
6. Dusty Baker went 88-74 in his first year in Chicago. Don Baylor went 88-74 in his second year in Chicago. Baker got applauded for his team’s performance, although 88 wins would not have won any other division or either wild card.
Dusty Baker
on July 16, 2004 at 6:53 pm
You should see the lineup I have in store tomorrow!
My 1995 Indians weren’t bad. If it wasn’t for that damn Atlanta franchise….
Grud
on July 16, 2004 at 7:14 pm
I love Dusty, too! Do you think it might be because we as players hold absolutely no accountability for bad play under Dusty? When we can’t hit for sh1t, it’s because, "Boy, I tell ya, [insert random mediocre pitcher’s name] threw real well today"…and so on. Plus, what other manager out there would play me over Walker in a righty dominated lineup that strikes out too much and never gets on base?
Todd Walker
on July 16, 2004 at 7:40 pm
I’ve been grounded because I blab too much to the media. This is going to be a vicious cycle.
Dusty
on July 16, 2004 at 7:58 pm
Yes, because punishing Walker for saying he doesn’t like sitting on the bench is way more important than winning games. Brilliant.
The Lawnmower
on July 16, 2004 at 8:25 pm
I will punish him if he errs on my watch!
Ridiculous
on July 16, 2004 at 8:44 pm
Walker gets shit from people for being one of the only players who has some competitiveness in him rather than play like a corpse. Too many of these guys seem content with mediocrity. And how has Walker’s glove cost Z any games?
Walker's D
on July 16, 2004 at 9:04 pm
Hey, don’t blame me if he doesn’t start. Ask Dusty.
SD
on July 17, 2004 at 6:33 pm
Complete game from Maddux. Gabor grabs a hit. No extra bases for Milwaukee. Corey with a homer. Sounds pretty good, eh?
And Rey hits #2 and goes 0-3 with 2 K’s!
Unemployed
on July 17, 2004 at 10:19 pm
Anyone need a Major League Super Star?
This just in...
on July 18, 2004 at 12:24 pm
According to this, Randy Johnson has not requested a trade, his agent has not spoken with the D-Backs about waiving his no-trade, the D-Backs aren’t shopping Johnson and there may not even be an American League. You don’t have to be George Offman to know that somebody is LYING!
Hey, I have the first post! So to celebrate, here’s a good luck charm for Matt Clement to reverse his luck, and get 8 runs of support today–a gratuitous pic of his future teammates wife, Mrs. Kris Benson.
Hi, and welcome to Ask Kris, where today’s readers are encouraged to ask Kris Benson, soon to be ex-Pirates star pitcher, anything they want about the world of sports.
Our first question comes from a Mr. Sloth from Corn Hole, Illinoize. It reads, "Hey, Kris? What do those feel like. I’m ashamed to admit, I’ve never felt up a silicone sister before. Is it like those stress balls they give you at team-building seminars?"
It’s raining pretty hard downtown right now, any idea if we’re going to get this one in?
Why am I not playing?
It’s cloudy but no rain out west
Jim Hendry has called a press conference for 2pm today-I assume to make an announcement on the outcome of Prior’s MRI.
Because I have faith in Macias and Grud at the top, Walk. Isn’t it funny that last year when I had bench crap like Lenny Harris, I found ways to stick him in the lineup all the time, but when I have a bench guy better than my starter, he sits? Ha ha! I’m a funny guy.
It’s sunny & warm in Brooklyn
It is currently hailing in downtown Chicago.
Woo hoo! Another cup of coffee in the Bigs!
The MRI shows no structural damage to Prior’s elbow.
Who needs Prior?
So, pansy it is then. Great?
The family and I were planning one of those long agonizing car trips across this great country and damned if our travels don’t take us down the interstate nearest to Corn hole. If we decide to stop by, are there any sights in Corn hole that you recommend seeing?
Sloth,
All real, baby. See the way they flop beautifully out to the side? That’s how you can tell.
Can you believe she married me, even though I spell my name like a girl?
KB
Who needs a leadoff hitter?
Can someone please post a picture of Lima Time’s wife so we can compare?
Much obliged.
Dave B, Hendry say anthing else? I assume they’re going to run a bone scan like they did last time. The storm seems to have passed over now. Is the game going to start on time?
Why am I playing?
CT, Hendry said they had run a bone scan and were waiting for the results. He’s supposed to be on WGN sportscentral tonight (though I’ve heard that before).
Laura, that’s a girl’s name. Eww! … or post pictures of yourself. ;)!
Jeff Bagwell’s wife
Damn it, Grud, do you not read before you post? I JUST SAID why. Keep up this second-guessing and once Aramis is back, Macias will be getting all the starts at 2nd.
Hey Dusty, I can play 2nd!
#14…oh, well, hey, there’s always the Casa De Sloth, and the TrojanDome, and the big DelMonte plant, and the Country Ranch, where they hold the Mexican rodeo, and…the shuffleboard parlor. No BS, we have one.
But all that pales to CornHole Memorial Hospital, be sure you get in before closing (5:00) to see the Items Retrieved From Rectum display, in the front lobby. CLASSIC!
Hey Kris, you wish your wife was as hot as my Biggio
How do you post a picture?
#15, real my ass, Kris.
I lied. I did squeeze ’em on a stripper. In Peeeeoria. I was afraid of burstage. Of course, I might have been overserved.
Is this the first time this year we’ve gotten through the first inning without the Brewers scoring?
From the Tribune this afternoon
——————————————————————————–
chicagosports.chicagotrib…-headlines
An MRI taken Friday on Mark Prior revealed no damage to the right-hander’s ulnar collateral ligament or his ulnar nerve, Chicago Cubs’ general manager Jim Hendry said Friday.
An MRI taken Friday on Mark Prior revealed no damage to the right-hander’s ulnar collateral ligament or his ulnar nerve, Chicago Cubs’ general manager Jim Hendry said Friday.
Hendry quoted team physician Stephen Adams as saying Prior’s "ligament is robust."
Prior’s ligament had no comment.
See, that’s why I’m playing today. I can bunt, baby!
Jose pressed his luck yesterday going to third. His voodoo doll told him to stay at second bag today.
It’s Macias Time!
Well, if I’m going to BAT in Sammy’s spot…
Ugh. Not that Sammy wouldn’t have swung at that, either, though.
Although the Cubs are a minor league team and cannot play with teams like St Louis (7 games out soon to be 8 after tonight) I hate to hear that Prior’s arm didn’t actually fall off. That would be great if he had to sit out another month or two. Then you all would have a few more excuses as to why the Cubs really suck. Face it…there is always next year for you morons. CUBS= completely useless by september….oh hell it is only July!!!!! Go CARDS!!!
SIT DOWN! IT"S A STUPID CAN OF CORN YOU MORON!!!
Yeah, hey, I took a strike just for you guys that time to start the AB. Maybe bad timing for plate discipline when a fly ball does the job.
I’m a moran. Guess I should put the crack pipe down during work.
Do the Cubs ever score anyone who’s on third and less than two out?
Do you idiots not have anything better to do but talk about the game on here while it is actually going on on television. Get a life or job….the Cubs suck!
GO CARDS…2004 world series champs
hey cardinal’s fan #36, how were the playoffs last year?
Man, I hate you guys.
Good to see Jeff Santo is at Wrigley today.
Can
Anally
Raped
Deadbirds
Shit
?
Sorry for the profanity. I think–in this instance–it’s deserved.
Wow, an ill mannered Cardinals fan, who appears to be inbred to the point of senselessness. Thanks for stopping by and re-inforcing the sterotypes we have of you. And I’m glad you’ve got nothing better to do than hang out at a web site for a team that you hate.
Okay, Cardinal fan, the majority of us are at work. We chat on desipio to give us a sense of community–much like guys sitting around a bar chatting during the game.
So, go find some board upon which to post that has to do with your corn-fed team.
no, we don’t have anything better to do.
why the hell are you on this site?
That we have jobs is precisely why we’re here. We’re getting paid right now.
We have internet connections at work because we don’t work at Schnuck’s or Piggly Wiggly. Now go take the mop to aisle 8.
Just asking.
I guess the Card’s fans are still worried about our second place club if they are here posting.
Do you think Matt Morris’ ligament
is as robust as Prior’s?
We spend so much time bashing Korey, Sammy, Alou, Bako (all rightly so in most cases), so why does Dusty get off so easy? I’m tired of hearing how players love playing for Dusty. Maybe they love playing for him because they can be selfish and look to pad their stats without being having to worry about "fundamental baseball."
Just a thought.
Hey, am I Mel Hall’s son?
The playoffs were great! I went to my local pub every night and rooted against the cubs every second…oh yeah the goat was with me up until the last game…i have to go, ron santo is at my door ready to go shag fly balls
Hey, we don’t even need to pad our stats! Dusty rules!
Yeah, we all know what you used the goat for. You went to the local pub? Did Missouri lower it’s drinking age to 15?
Damnnit TD,
I wrote a book on hitting. It’s clearly not my fault that these guys have problems hitting. See for yourself.
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0940279738/qid=1090007958/sr=8-10/ref=sr_8_xs_ap_i10_xgl14/002-5050254-9899238?v=glance&s=books&n=507846
I also have lots of cd-roms and vhs tapes for your pleasure none of which contain Mrs. Benson or Mrs. Lima sadly.
I’m taking requests today, do you guys want a check swing ground out, or a check swing pop out?
…Derrek Lee.
Just in the 6 hole.
At least I’m not useless.
Eat my shorts, Korey. Go bat 8th. Or get used to the bench when the Pie gets here in April 2006.
Ground out it is…
If we don’t score here, Matt Clement should start throwing the Gatorade cooler around in anger like the Farns that one time.
Oooh, I’ll be back to strike out four times on Monday!
Guess it’s up to me…
Alex – good, I was getting sick of carrying that load by myself.
well, no hits, a couple of strikeouts, i think im about back to normal. put me in, baker
No, Ramon, it’s up to me. I wonder if I can actually make contact?
Any chance Clement just leans in and gets hit by a pitch?
Maybe I’ll just foul off 18 pitches and hit a grand slam.
Christ, do I have to EVERYTHING around here?
F@ck you Joe Boo, I do it myself.
ill just have to give myself so offense to finally win a damn game
Especially since Hollandsworth’s been out.
Ha ha, no forceout.
Hey, Sam-ola. That’s called a sacrafice fly. See?
Can I get a hit? Please?
The Cubs are being terribly short sighted in this inning, sure they’ve gotten 2 runs, but Matt Clement has to run the bases!
I’m in midesason form.
.330 BA
But Ricky’s batting .380 in over 60 AB’s.
Yeah?
Ahem.
I meant .220.
.230
Aren’t I being dumped for O. Cabrera anyway?
Don’t worry about it, Grud. You’re still my 2b!
Hey remember when I hit that homer against the Sox? Yeah, hold that thought.
Can anybody believe that I’ve made it this long with the team?
Especially after the St. Louis game in June when they suprisingly DIDN’T cancel my flight?
THEY’RE ALL LYING!!!
"The exact words used by Dr. (Stephen) Adams were that the ligament is robust and in perfect shape," Hendry said. "There’s absolutely no possibility of Tommy John (surgery) or ligament reconstruction or anything like that."
Chip is worried that the Cardinals are going to get the Unit. I’ll bet Lassie Edmonds would be excited about some shower time with Randy.
Oh, this half inning should be fun. Five minutes of Chip and Steve fellating the Cardinals. That never gets old, does it?
Why haven’t they mentioned my gold glove caliber-ness yet?
The word robust makes me think of Dom Deluise in Cannonball Run.
What was the Doctor’s name again, no, wait it was Captain Chaos.
Chip just said, and I quote. "If you get to the playoffs this is a team no one is going to face."
What, does that mean?
Ooh, Clement covered first, did he hurt his elbow?
Actually, I do want to be traded to the Cardinals, but not because their contenders. I just want to go someplace where I’d be considered handsome.
Shower time mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
i love that word, fanny
Thanks for the shout out, Chip! I was almost as bad as you when I announced for the Cubs!
Good thing I went out to settle down Clement
This Mensa exchange just occurred on the radio:
Ron Santo: I noticed that Houston lost yesterday. That’s Garner’s first loss.
Pat Hughes: I believe Houston had the day off yesterday, Ron.
It’s only a matter of time before old Ronnie becomes Harry Part Deux.
maybe if i didn’t stand like an idiot at the plate, i could’ve moved out of the way
I’m preparing my offer of Hector Luna, Bo Hart and Kiko Calero!
Counsell didn’t learn that weird batting stance shit when he was here.
TD, I think Ronnie is way past the Harry Caray stage. He spends most of the game counting fans for the attendance game. I think my favorite thing is when he gets mad at Wendell Kim and shouts "what was what’s his name doing?".
Chip wants "more scouts in the Hall of Fame."
Like Boy Scouts? Ranger Rick? Who?
No more scouts in the Hall of Fame until me and what’shisface get in.
Andy:
Chip wants Tonto’s horse in the Hall of Fame.
They do have an intimate relationship you know.
Uh…
Chip and Scout, that is. Tonto is Clayton Moore’s bitch.
So far, knock on wood, the Brewers have been stymied. Mel Hall Jr., in for late scratch and blossoming Cub Killer Wes Helms, erred to help us score, and that little ***** Counsell just got pegged by Clement, a day after starting ANOTHER Cubs rally.
Plesae note that the wind is all generated by Korey’s bat.
Pat jumped the gun. And it was UNaccompanied by a "YURRRLLLEEEAAAAGGGGHHHHH"
How the hell can you hit Counsel with a pitch? The way he stands his profile is narrower than half of home plate!
Gotta love Chip analyzing the historical significance of the Brewers’ ERA in their NL history.
All six years of it.
He did it again for Alou’s foul ball. And AGAIN Ronny went silent.
He was, in fact, ripping on Sammy for the pitch he swung at.
well, you know its a good sign when sammy starts going to the opposite field
I have tremendous aim, Chuck.
Steve just gave me a shout out! I had no idea he loved ovary-less "women" so much!
Matt. Not from what we’ve seen.
chip keeps touching me, even when i tell him to stop
I could have a dollar for every ball an opposing outfielder has dropped at Wrigley this month, I’d have…four dollars!
Sometimes I love the ivy; sometimes I want to rip it from the wall.
Hopefully you won’t hate me today, Mo.
Pat’s already trying to brace his dumbass, on-the-ledge-fans that the Wildcard is–gosh darn it–not so bad. Thanks for breaking it to us so delicately, Pat. Now go take a growler.
The ivory is pretty cool, but there’s no padding behind that ivory.
Being the Wildcard is great! Especially when you win the World Series.
Worst DirecTV Freeview concert ever…on channel 801 there’s a woman killing a cat to music.
Oh, wait, no it’s Patti Scialfa.
You would think that she’d have at least swallowed some of Bruce’s talent by now.
Apparently not.
Commerical break story: I was at the ball game with a friend last year when the Cubs were playing the Marlins. He and I were in the bleachers, and when Juan Pierre made an excellent catch at one point, my pal yelled out "Go back to Freedom, Pierre!" Needless to say, he was drunk and I was embarassed.
Ebony and Ivory
Live together in perfect harmony
Juan Pierre’s got good wheels, lots of steals
But he’s a moran!
I’d love to second the idea that Don Baylor is a tremendous hitting coach.
Perhaps there was some hitting knowledge in his chemo?
Chip has no clue how to score a baseball game does he?
Jose Macias completely misses a line drive and Chip has to see how it’s going to be scored…
You’d think Chip had never seen a baseball game before. He must be bludgeoned.
Do you think that Steve hates Chip more than Hawk hates DJ? Here’s one of my favorite Chip & Steve exchanges:
Chip: Opponents are hitting .250 against [Glendon] Rusch when his pitch count is below 100, but only .166 when it’s above 100. What do you think that means?
Steve: It means he doesn’t throw more than 100 pitches very often
I can’t go left.
I can’t go right.
What’s left?
Wait, I already said I can’t go left.
Stevie: I am black, and you are white
Frank: You are blind as a bat, and I have sight!
Watch as I strike out with a runner at third.
You are black, and I am white
You are blind as a bat, and I have sight
Side by side on the piano…negro…amigo
Let’s not fight!
I’d play Walker at 3rd, but the ball seems to find guys when you play them out of position. Notice how the ball never finds Macias.
If I’m as robust as they say, shouldn’t Calfzilla suck it up and pitch through the pain?
I’m just asking.
Dammit, my near insurmountable lead has been cut in half!
Hey. Did anybody around here say anything about Journey last night? How eff-ing obnoxious. Their SS Banner was, like, 4 minutes. It was like Bleeding Gums Murphy on "The Simpsons", except it wasn’t a cartoon. Does anybody know the name of that stupid guitarist who was obviously jealous of Eddie Van Halen all through the 80’s? If Eddie had wanted to perform the SS Banner like that, then I say go ahead, ED. Your brand of music was kind of lame, but you were still the best guitarist of your decade. Let her riff.
But this loser? Then him and his friend tried to sing their own lame Journey song before "Take Me Out to the Ballgame". Jesus.
The worst part? You just KNOW that Chip COULDN’T WAIT to do THIS INTERVIEW.
And then, it turns out one of these losers (may have been the guitarist), was "from Chicago". He mentioned Cicero Ave. and mumbled some cross street, but whatever. It was obvious that he hardly felt a part of Chicago, as if, once he left, that he’d only come back to do the concerts.
And that’s obvious because he wasn’t cool enough for Chicago.
He also tried to be cute and throw it a Hank Sauer reference, and Stoney took the bait. He may have been sitting in his diapers–like Karry Ling would often do–when his grandpa took him, and I know he’s probably old, but he ain’t that old.
That is all. Sorry for the rant. Journey sucks. Always has. Prior’s accident was probably their fault.
At least Steve Perry wasn’t with them.
Mike, you’ll get no argument from me regarding Journey. All I ever hear is how A and B-list celebs are pounding on the door of Trib Tower begging to sing the 7th inning stretch for nothing. So how in the hell did they stuck with Journey last night? Was Kenny Loggins busy?
Anyone else tired of Chip’s often used phrase "Give them what they earn." He uses at least 5 times a game.
Let’s set the over/under on 3 for the rest of today’s game.
Mike, CT.
Don’t stop believin’!
We only give Chip what he earns. Yesterday’s paycheck total $0.
Honesty compells me to say that I am just tired of Chippie generally.
Yeah, but the chick in the "Oh, Sherry" video was a tasty morsel. Whatever happened to her? And what was her name?
Let me guess, right now Chip is going on about how important it is to keep Posednik off base, and what a good leadoff hitter he is. He of .330 on base percentage.
My fave player is up.
STRETCH!!!!!
I hate you Hawk.
I liked it last night when Chip asked the guys from Journey if they ever get to the Chicago area for concerts.
Christ, Chip! You just said that they have been performing for 30 years, something tells me they’ve played a concert or two in the Chicagoland area.
I wish the Wheel in the Sky would fall on Chip!
I was just in the can reading Entertainment Weekly and listening to Pat and Ron. Usually I wait until Andy Masur is doing his half inning, then I put on a bad sweater and canvas tennis shoes and pretend I’m Pat while taking a steamer.
Anyway, in this week’s Entertainment Weekly, they refer to Pam Anderson as the "pneumatic actress."
They give the new Heart CD a B+ and did you know that seven of the top 20 cable shows are episodes of SpongeBob Squarepants?
That was close, I almost walked.
I think the Cubs should trade Patterson and Clement for Podsednik. He’s a modern-day Kenny Lofton.
Chip said that Todd Walker’s playing time a third would be "predicated..perhaps" on the health of E-ramis.
Ya think?
Grud got a hit? Sorry Walker, it’s 2 more weeks on the bench for you.
Hi Sammy,
Remember us? You haven’t seen us since ’97. I see you may be moving back into the ole’ neighborhood soon. Do you need a handy with moving?
I’m just teaching Korey how it’s done. Buddy.
I hate this team.
Oh for Christ’s sake.
I’d say that Matt is severely testing the offensive potential of this team by giving up so many runs.
Time to come get me Dusty…
Never mind, I’ve righted the ship.
If I get traded to Boston, I can participate in weekend re-enactments of events like the Boston Tea Party and the Emancipation Proclamation. Not that the ol’ EP was done in Boston, but still……
Is there any chance to trade for Abe Lincoln? After all, he was a lanky lefty, right?
F’n losers! You don’t need us!
Other than Kolb, how is the Brewers bullpen this year? Vaunted, I’m sure.
Hey Journey is great!
Do you think we’ll score in this next inning? Not without a couple errors from the Brewers, we won’t!
That’s 95, Matt. You’ve got 55 left in you before you start asking.
How about Summer Sanders’ little black dress?
I just climbed on top of the tarp to try and get a ball that landed 15 rows up.
Am I the dude who swam on the womens’ team in the Olympics?
Man, I’m pretty big.
Best part of Moises bitching at the ump after the bogus dropped third strike. He took of his helmet and dropped it in the lefty batter’s box and stood there swearing at the ump, while Moises’ son had to run around both of them to get the helmet.
Father o’ the year, indeed.
Moises Alou, the rare power hitter who rarely strikes out?
Fck you guys, just take me out of the game so I don’t get the loss.
Here’s my new baseball card head shot. This was taken on June 1st.
Clement, we finally get you two runs and you do this to us…
Ugh!!!
I’m over 100 pitches now and suddenly striking people out. A wise man like Chip would compare me to Glendon Rusch.
B.C., are you on crack? We have two runs because I DROVE IN ONE and got a hit so that allowed Macias to sac-fly in the other one.
Summed up in one word:
Ohfernine.
I’m just catching up. If I move any faster, I’ll done blowed up.
"Wes Helms of the Brewers was a late scratch due to an upset stomach."
Maybe Wes sees into the future and saw how this crapfest would play out.
We may all scratch the rest of the season for the same reasons as Wes.
I’m definitely vaunted.
I’m the king-pitcher!
Yahoo says that Bill Hall singled and then Brooks Kieshnick hit for Victor Santos. There was also an out record somewhere, what the hell is going on?
F*%$ me.
Trust me, you don’t want to know. There was a wild pitch involved. Pass the Pepto.
I’ll save us.
And I’ll shave us, if you want.
Great, since Remlinger is in now, and the pitchers spot is coming up, I guess we’re going to get to see Kent Mercker in this game next inning.
Clement is a moran.
Any chance Dusty will use me as the pinch hitter?
All Cub Fans need this for the rest of the year.
There’s an 85% chance, Aramis.
Aramis, only if you are between 89-93%, otherwise, it’s just not worth the risk.
But I’m due, buddy! Everyone but Clement is due.
Wait, so now Dusty is going to give away my pinch hit at-bats too?
Can we just figure out how to play a baseball game without looking so awful just once?
Walker, if Dusty needs a lefty pinch-hitter, I bet he’ll use me. See, there’s a 4% chance I’ll get on base, and, if so, watch out! I can wheel!
Our names are Vizcaino & Kolb.
We killed you playoff hopes.
Prepare to die!
Back off V&K! Killing the Cubs is our job.
Serenity now…
Good grief!
So we’re saving Walker for what? So he’s fresh next year?
Christ, Dusty, THAT WAS A JOKE! Sheesh.
Hey, I haven’t thrown every pitcher in our rotation 150 pitches in a game yet!!!
Until I get every starter we have on the DL, you still gotta "trusty" me, right?
That was fun, wasn’t it?!?!?
What’s fun, this can’t score a run unless our pitcher drives one in stuff? Yeah, it’s awesome.
#201,
It’s called sarcasm.
Check swing time!
It’s Sheets versus Maddux (And Bako!) for tomorrow.
Well, I guess asking for a 2-2 split against a great team like the Brew Crew is all we can really hope for.
That is what the 3-4-5 hitters have done today.
And, it’s over.
Yikes. We need bats AND arms.
Hey, besides that doubleheader series in Pissburgh, when did the offense reeeeally start to blow? Oh, when we stopped playing every day.
We’ll try and beat the Cardinals today so the Cubs can stay at that comfortable 7 games back.
One of us is injured, the other is missing.
I can be seen during games sitting on the bench and eating sunflower seeds. I must be an optical illusion, though, because why else would you have Goodwin pinch hitting?
Good luck Reds. With the unhyped Dusty Baker (Dave Miley) managing you guys you really have no chance tonight.
FREE TODD WALKER!
HEAL TODD HOLLANDSWORTH!
FIRE WENDELL KIM!
MAKE A TRADE!
Six facts about Dusty Baker:
1. Threw Mark Prior 118 more innings in 2003 than Prior did in 2002, his first season in the pros. Prior was injured before the season even began and now there is some chance he will not pitch again in 2004.
2. Kerry Wood injured for around two months this season in the first season after his first season with Baker managing.
3. While the Cubs have allowed nine less runs than the Cardinals to lead the majors in least runs allowed, the Cubs have scored 56 less runs. And this has happened even though Moises Alou, Michael Barrett, and Corey Patterson have had better than expected offensive performances this season. How is this possible? Seriously, this defies normal reasoning. The Reds have given up 110 more runs and scored only 7 more and, yet, the Reds are only one game worse than the Cubs!
4. Dusty Baker is 17-19 in the postseason lifetime. His one World Series appearance ties him with managing gods like Bobby Valentine, Jim Fregosi, Roger Craig, Bob Brenly, and Bruce Bochy. One time is one less than Mike Hargrove for crying out loud! And he had to beat the Yankees one time to do that!
5. Dusty Baker is 1-6 in his last seven postseason series-deciding games.
6. Dusty Baker went 88-74 in his first year in Chicago. Don Baylor went 88-74 in his second year in Chicago. Baker got applauded for his team’s performance, although 88 wins would not have won any other division or either wild card.
You should see the lineup I have in store tomorrow!
But, B.C., buddy, I LOVE playing for Dusty!
SO DO I!
My 1995 Indians weren’t bad. If it wasn’t for that damn Atlanta franchise….
I love Dusty, too! Do you think it might be because we as players hold absolutely no accountability for bad play under Dusty? When we can’t hit for sh1t, it’s because, "Boy, I tell ya, [insert random mediocre pitcher’s name] threw real well today"…and so on. Plus, what other manager out there would play me over Walker in a righty dominated lineup that strikes out too much and never gets on base?
I’ve been grounded because I blab too much to the media. This is going to be a vicious cycle.
Yes, because punishing Walker for saying he doesn’t like sitting on the bench is way more important than winning games. Brilliant.
I will punish him if he errs on my watch!
Walker gets shit from people for being one of the only players who has some competitiveness in him rather than play like a corpse. Too many of these guys seem content with mediocrity. And how has Walker’s glove cost Z any games?
Hey, don’t blame me if he doesn’t start. Ask Dusty.
Complete game from Maddux. Gabor grabs a hit. No extra bases for Milwaukee. Corey with a homer. Sounds pretty good, eh?
And Rey hits #2 and goes 0-3 with 2 K’s!
Anyone need a Major League Super Star?
According to this, Randy Johnson has not requested a trade, his agent has not spoken with the D-Backs about waiving his no-trade, the D-Backs aren’t shopping Johnson and there may not even be an American League. You don’t have to be George Offman to know that somebody is LYING!
http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/news/story?id=1841917