Back in my baseball playing days I played third base most of the time. I hated third base. If it didn’t come with four or five at bats attached to it I’d have bagged baseball entirely and spent my summers like the kids on the “OC”, you know driving around in dad’s sports car, trying to score some meth from the 30 year olds who hung out with the high school kids and throwing keggers at our summer house.

OK, dad didn’t have a sports car and we didn’t have a summer house, but there were plenty of 30 year olds who hung with the high school kids, one even married one of the teenagers, but we won’t go into that. Anyway, late in my baseball career I managed to fall off of my bike and tear my hands up so bad that I couldn’t play third base. I got shifted to left field where it wouldn’t be such a big deal that the skin on my hand looked like Phyllis Diller’s neck. Eww.

I loved left field. You didn’t have to worry about every righthanded batter lining one off your teeth or your nuts. You didn’t have to stand some 70 feet from home plate in case the 6’4, 250 pound “kid” decided to bunt with nobody out and a four run lead. You could just hang out in the outfield and obsess over your at bats. I still feel cheated that I learned how cush the outfield was so late in my career.

Anyway, the only thing better than hanging in the outfield during a game was hanging in the outfield during batting practice. Our centerfielder was lefthanded and though I batted lefthanded, I was a righthanded thrower. We used to swap gloves in BP to see if we could catch balls with the other hand.

Where is this going?

I think Sammy Sosa took Todd Hollandsworth’s glove to right field yesterday.

Maybe Todd’s glove looked bored. It was probably laying there in the dugout and hadn’t been used in like three weeks, so Sammy took it out there. He probably figured with Kerry Wood pitching as well as he was that he wouldn’t even need a glove.

He was mistaken. But then, on both of his misplays he didn’t get a glove on either ball, so what the hell? Can’t blame Sammy for having a little fun, I suppose.

The Cubs have gone 2-2 since the break and should be 4-0. As I find myself saying on a daily basis, “This is a helluva way to win a pennant.”

At the end of our CubsLive! thread from Friday’s Brewers loss, BC wrote the following.

Six facts about Dusty Baker:

1. Threw Mark Prior 118 more innings in 2003 than Prior did in 2002, his first season in the pros. Prior was injured before the season even began and now there is some chance he will not pitch again in 2004.

2. Kerry Wood injured for around two months this season in the first season after his first season with Baker managing.

3. While the Cubs have allowed nine less runs than the Cardinals to lead the majors in least runs allowed, the Cubs have scored 56 less runs. And this has happened even though Moises Alou, Michael Barrett, and Corey Patterson have had better than expected offensive performances this season. How is this possible? Seriously, this defies normal reasoning. The Reds have given up 110 more runs and scored only 7 more and, yet, the Reds are only one game worse than the Cubs!

4. Dusty Baker is 17-19 in the postseason lifetime. His one World Series appearance ties him with managing gods like Bobby Valentine, Jim Fregosi, Roger Craig, Bob Brenly, and Bruce Bochy. One time is one less than Mike Hargrove for crying out loud! And he had to beat the Yankees one time to do that!

5. Dusty Baker is 1-6 in his last seven postseason series-deciding games.

6. Dusty Baker went 88-74 in his first year in Chicago. Don Baylor went 88-74 in his second year in Chicago. Baker got applauded for his team’s performance, although 88 wins would not have won any other division or either wild card.

BC, you ignorant slut. Let’s take them one at a time.

1. Threw Mark Prior 118 more innings in 2003 than Prior did in 2002, his first season in the pros. Prior was injured before the season even began and now there is some chance he will not pitch again in 2004.

In 2002, Prior made 19 starts and averaged 6.1 innings per start. In 2003 he made 30 starts and averaged 7.0 innings per start. In 2002, Prior didn’t make his season debut until May 22 and pulled his hamstring on August 31, ending his season.

2. Kerry Wood injured for around two months this season in the first season after his first season with Baker managing.

Kerry Wood missed an entire season, his first season after his first season. Dusty was managing the Giants. Is that his fault, too?

3. While the Cubs have allowed nine less runs than the Cardinals to lead the majors in least runs allowed, the Cubs have scored 56 less runs. And this has happened even though Moises Alou, Michael Barrett, and Corey Patterson have had better than expected offensive performances this season. How is this possible? Seriously, this defies normal reasoning. The Reds have given up 110 more runs and scored only 7 more and, yet, the Reds are only one game worse than the Cubs!

This does not defy normal reasoning. It’s called picking one stat to “prove” your point. Of your three examples, only Barrett has had a better season than expected. Corey’s has been worse, Moises’ is now pretty much in line with what he did last year (more homers, lower OBA and about the same RBI-wise). The Reds’ got off to a good start with better than expected pitching. That has since come to a grinding halt.

If we’re going to pick one stat to prove a point, let’s pick the one designed to prove this very thing. Using the expected wins and losses (based on the very stats BC was spouting) the Cubs record “should be” 53-38 (instead of 49-42), and the Reds’ should be 41-51 (instead of 48-44). Interestingly, the Cardinals are at their Pythagorean number of 57-34. What does this mean? The Cubs should play better the rest of the way, the Reds worse and the Cardinals should be expected to play the same.

4. Dusty Baker is 17-19 in the postseason lifetime. His one World Series appearance ties him with managing gods like Bobby Valentine, Jim Fregosi, Roger Craig, Bob Brenly, and Bruce Bochy. One time is one less than Mike Hargrove for crying out loud! And he had to beat the Yankees one time to do that!

This completely dumbassed argument could also be used to point out that since 1946 the Cubs are 9-16 in the postseason and Dusty has six of the nine wins.

5. Dusty Baker is 1-6 in his last seven postseason series-deciding games.

The Cubs are 1-9 in their last 10 postseason series-deciding games. Dusty has the only win.

6. Dusty Baker went 88-74 in his first year in Chicago. Don Baylor went 88-74 in his second year in Chicago. Baker got applauded for his team’s performance, although 88 wins would not have won any other division or either wild card.

Baker may have been applauded for his team’s performance because he took over after the Baylor-Kimm regime had taken the Cubs to a new low in 2002. Baker’s Cubs may have gone 88-74, but they also were 19-7 in September to get to the playoffs and they won the first postseason series in Chicago baseball history since 1917.

Braves “fans” who are dissatisfied with Bobby Cox can mount an even better argument about postseason ineptitude, but the proof is that Cox’s teams make the playoffs every year. In the NL only Dusty Baker’s teams and (gasp) the LaRussa mullets can even come close.

There are some things wrong with the Cubs. The manager’s not one of them.

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Many of you have noticed that the Lemon of the Moment feature on the front page is gone and been replaced by “Ask Andy”. By popular demand you can now send me questions on anything, the Cubs, the Bears, Britney’s acne scars, British art flicks, whatever, and every so often I’ll pick the best ones and answer them right here. You can mail your questions to askandy@desipio.com.

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Dave van Dyck says that if the Cubs have any hopes of still repeating in the Central, now would be a good time to start.

For the first time since April 7, the Cubs infield will consist of Derrek Lee, Mark Grudzielanek, Alex Gonzalez and E-ramis Ramirez. That’d be nice if Gruddy and Alex were actual upgrades over Todd Walker and Ramon Martinez.

The Franchise’s arm is still sore. If he wants to wait until he’s pain free, we’ll see him in April.

Geoff Jenkins pulled one out of his ass yesterday. He’s a good player, and he strikes out enough, and gets hurt often enough to be a perfect Cub!

Jurassic Carl is back!

The Bulls are knee deep in Deng.

Brian Urlacher and Rosey.

Alex is ready! He’s ready to hit .240 and strike out every four at bats!

The Wizard of Roz says Prior’s elbow is going to fall off. He also will print anything anybody sends him. He proved that when he printed something Chuck e-mailed him, though, didn’t he? The list of reasons why the Cubs shouldn’t trade for Nomar is laughable. It’s almost like BC wrote it. Oh, and Roz finishes with a Kaseberg gem. Blah.

Peter Gammons on whether or not the Unit will be traded.

I’m sure this is Dusty’s fault, too.

The Unit’s agent says he’s not likely to be traded.

Carl Pavano and Armando Benitez expect to be traded by the Marlins.

Peter Vecsey on the Knicks and on Kobe and Jim Gray. I saw that Kobe interview with Jim Gray on SportsCenter and Kobe needs to be beaten. They should show the jury pool that interview to see just how much he can lie and not even break a sweat. Kobe’s an evil person.

Michael Lewis is going to write a sequel to Moneyball. Moneyball’s a great book, and I’m surprised at how few people in baseball actually “get it.” I think Lewis went to great pains to point out that the A’s went with players with high on base percentages, not because that’s the only way to play baseball, but because it’s a tangible skill that can help you win games and is undervalued. The A’s were looking for a way to get as many wins as possible for as little money as possible. They don’t “hate” scouts, they just think scouting has be more accountable. You can’t miss on 60 of 61 draft picks, but since the one you get turns out to be Mike Piazza declare your draft a success. That’s all.

I’m sure this is Dusty’s fault, too.

Britney’s never looked better!

Kirsten Dunst (who has no boobs) demanded her character’s breasts be reduced in the Spider-Man 2 video game. I saw Spider-Man 2 this weekend, and it’s good. Here’s what troubled me. From scene to scene Kirsten can go from hot to below average. You’d also think that somebody getting $6 million a movie could get some orthodonture.

America’s finest news source says that the serial-killer community is rocked by some recent serial killings.