You’ve got to hand it to LaTroy Hawkins for one thing, he certainly changed the focus of the media attention with his little “outburst” after his ninth inning exit yesterday. Instead of the media piling on for the Cubs pulling a “passionless collapse” against the Cardinals, now they’re out of control!

It’s Cubs gone wild. You half expect Carlos to pull his shirt up and bare his breasts to America.

What Hawkins did yesterday was embarassing. His side of the story is that after the inning mercifully ended he asked home plate ump Tim Tschida how far some of his pitches missed by. Tim apparently answered with, “I don’t know, the only ones who caught them paid $40 to sit in the bleachers.”

OK, Tschida’s reply wasn’t that witty. But whatever it was, it set Hawkins off.

Now I’m no stranger to outbursts myself. At one point last week when the copy machine jammed I threw it on the floor, kicked it until the toner drum fell out and then I stuck the toner drum in my pants. I had to be restrained by four other employees and just when they thought I’d calmed down I ran back into the copy room and dumped the coffee pot on the copier.

My co-workers have written off FY 2005 already and think we should start trading employees to Kathie Lee Gifford’s “clothing emporium” in Mexico for cheaper, younger workers.

It wasn’t that LaTroy had an outburst, it was that the outburst went on a little too long. Nobody stays that mad that long. After a while, it became an act. An “oooh, look how bad I want to win” kind of act. I’d just as soon you prove your will to win by retiring some hitters without wearing out the rotator cuffs of the fans in left center.

This morning, reality stares us in the face. With just a few days to the real Chicago obsession (the start of Bears’ training camp), the Cubs are 10 games out of first in the NL Central and three games out in the NL Wild Card. Three games is nothing. Last year at this time the Cubs were five games out of a playoff spot.

Did the Cardinals’ clinch a playoff spot yesterday? Yeah, they did. But ask the 2000 White Sox and 2003 Giants how beneficial it can be to run away with your division.

Anyway, that’s good. We can forget about the Cardinals now. In fact, until their plane crashes in a few weeks, and Albie Pujols’ dental records prove he was, indeed, 36 years old at the time the tray table deviated his septum, we can just ignore their existence.

Now we have to worry about a fresh crop of contenders. One of them is in Wrigley today, in fact.

So, let’s size up the Cubs’ competition for the Wild Card.

San Francisco Giants 53-42, three games ahead of the Cubs
Games remaining: at SF August 6-8

The Giants ran off 11 straight wins earlier this year to make up for a horrid start. The thing about the Giants is that they suck. They have one great pitcher and one great hitter. That won’t be enough over the long haul. If you trot studs like Neifi Perez, JT Snow and Michael Tucker out every day, you’ll eventually lose. Matt Herges has blown seven saves so far this year, too.

San Diego Padres 51-42, two games ahead of the Cubs
Games remaining: SD at Cubs August 10-12

The Padres just picked up Rich Aurilia (pause to laugh uproariously) and are constantly rumored to be in the hunt for Steve Finley. They have solid, if not spectacular pitching and if Brian Giles, Phil Nevin and Ryan Klesko can stay healthy the rest of the way (not likely) they’ll be tough.

Cincinnati Reds 50-44, 1.5 games head of the Cubs
Games remaining: Reds at Cubs July 21-22
Cubs at Reds September 16-19
Reds at Cubs September 27-30

The Reds can’t pitch at all and have lost Junior Griffey and Austin Kearns, plus the already slow Sean Casey is still hobbled by a sore calf. But the Cubs seem to find ways to make stars out of guys like Juan Castro and Ryan Freel. Let’s hope they stop this.

Atlanta Braves 49-44, tied with the Cubs*
Braves at Cubs October 1-3

The Braves and Phillies are tied for first in the NL East, so technically only one of them is in the Wild Card hunt, but at this point, nobody knows which is which. The Braves have survived despite a lousy year for Andruw Jones, Chipper Jones only starting to hit now and without Marcus Giles for long stretches of time. They have holes, though, and are still contemplating trading off some of their veterans. But they’ve won 12 straight division titles and will have a hard time seriously considering selling when the Phillies and Marlins seem intent on letting them hang around.

Philadelphia Phillies 49-44, tied with the Cubs*
If you think we’ve got it bad, how’d you like to be a Phillies’ fan? They’ve got a good offense and enough pitching and they managed to miss the playoffs last year and are threatening to do it again. They clearly miss the calming influence of Ivan DeJesus and Garry Maddox.

Milwaukee Brewers 47-45, 1.5 games behind the Cubs
Cubs at Brewers July 26-29
Cubs at Brewers August 17-19
Brewers at Cubs August 23-25

The only way the Brewers continue to sniff the playoffs is if they continue to dominate the Cubs. The Cubs don’t seem to be able to hit an unspectacular Brewers’ pitching staff. As much damage as the Cardinals may have done to the Cubs the last couple days, the Brewers are the key to whether or not the Cubs sac it up and make the playoffs.

Florida Marlins 47-46, two games behind the Cubs
Cubs at Marlins September 3-5
Marlins at Cubs September 10-12

They can’t decide whether to trade off Armando Benitez and Carl Pavano and get ready for next year or if they should make a run at Steve Finley and go for it this year. Odds are that they’ll do neither. Dontrelle has come back to earth (4-5, 4.14 ERA since June 1) and they miss Pudge Rodriguez. They probably don’t miss Derrek Lee all that much, because other than a bad May (.229), Hee Seop Choi has posted averages of .295 (April), .292 (June), .304 (July). But if Josh Beckett’s blisters keep recurring, the Fish are going to have a hard time making a real run.

New York Mets 46-47, three games behind the Cubs
Cubs at Mets September 24-26

The Mets stink, and despite a quick infusion of offense from Richard Hidalgo, they’re going away.

Houston Astros 45-48, four games behind the Cubs
Astros at Cubs August 26-29

Houston is a whopping 1-4 under Phil Garner and they’re not going anywhere.

If the Cubs can play up to their abilities from here on out, they’ll win the Wild Card. Whether that will actually happen is a mystery, however. What didn’t happen yesterday though was the Cubs elimination from the playoff hunt. Not at all. If the Cubs miss the playoffs, it’ll be because they put us through several more excruciating losses before it’s all over.

So, you’ve got that going for you. Which is nice.

———

Paul Sullivan declares the NL Central race over.

Carlos says he enjoys everything.

I’m not saying. But what if the Cubs had let Prior go the first four or five innings and then had Glendon Rusch pitch the next four? That would have worked. Oh, never mind.

Soldier Field will likely lose its landmark status. That’s actually good news for the Bears who will be forever free to make whatever changes they want to it.

Ben Gordon is good.

Mariotti puts down the doughnut to say the Cubs should tear down Wrigley. Or something.

The Wizard of Roz is now publishing medical advice from his readers.

Sports Guy’s vengeance scale.

Some guy named John Hollinger says that Warriors have supplanted the Clips as the NBA’s saddest franchise.

The Marlins are after Steve Finley now. Maybe.

The D’backs have asked for Jorge Posada in the Randy Johnson trade.

Good news San Francisco! Dan Dickau’s girlfriend (wife, whatever she is, she’s hot) is coming to town!

We love you too, Jenna.

I hope she didn’t look like our librarian.

Four Tennessee inmates broke out of jail to get beer. Then came back. They’re all named Otis.

The world’s greatest newspaper is back and it says aliens use e-mail!