The Cubs don’t do laughers. At least not in the good sense. So yesterday’s pasting of the quickly disintegrating Cory Lidle and the Reds was a welcome relief for a team that seems to create new turmoil every day.
Moises Alou homered twice, E-ramis hit a grand slam and Greg Maddux managed to pitch great and somehow still give up two homers to a guy hitting .182 on the season.
The Cubs also got news that Carlos Zambrano will be suspended for five games for hitting Jim Edmonds in the ass, and LaTroy Hawkins will sit out three for whatever the hell that thing with Tim Tschida was on Tuesday.
Why was it that most Cubs fans excused Zambrano’s antics and not Hawkins’? I think it was because we all hate Lassie, too. But LaTroy’s tantrum just seemed forced, and it lasted way too long. Besides, the way he’s pitched lately, three games off seems like it helps the Cubs, not hurts them.
We’ll get to the supensions later, and the apparent outrage that their “leniency” seems to have stirred up down in Dogpatch.
Instead, let’s focus on something fun. Moises Alou calling out Steve Stone and Chip Caray!
In today’s Sun Times, Moises gets a little surly when asked why everyone thinks the offense is the Cubs’ problem.
“Ask Steve Stone and Chip Caray and the rest of the media. Don’t get me wrong. Our starting pitching is unreal, maybe the best in the league. But it just keeps coming up — pitchers this, pitchers that. That’s all you hear.
“Sometimes it gets kind of old. They keep talking about [Mark] Prior 100 percent, [Kerry] Wood 100 percent. This team is so much pitching-oriented that sometimes it [ticks] you off. What about the rest of the game?
“It’s not just pitching. It’s about defense, offense, everything. For some reason you hear on the TV that all they are talking about is all the negative stuff. They are mainly talking about pitchers. They don’t give the offense any credit.”
Well, Moises, the Cubs pitching has been a lot better than the hitting. Although, Alou does have one good point. The media and fans do freak out when Wood or Prior is out but do not react the same way when Sosa or E-ramis is hurt. The reason is likely simple, that injuires to Wood and Prior could be season ending, when Sammy’s sneeze and E-ramis’ crotch pull had less long-term consequence.
That’s not why I find this interesting. What I see is that the Cubs’ players are just as annoyed with the cloying duo of Caray and Stone as we are. If you don’t think the players know what the announcers say about them, you’re stoned. Not only do players go back into the clubhouse during games, but their families, friends and teammates are only too happy to fill them in on what’s said about them.
In my happy little world, here’s what I imagine that conversation was like.
Moises’ wife: “I hate Steve and Chip, they’re annoying. Chip never shuts up and Steve keeps parroting the same crap about ‘face high fastballs’ and ‘poor visibility.'”
Moises: “I know, I hear all that crap when I sneak back into the clubhouse to pee on my hands.”
Moises’ wife: “Oh, yeah, well do something about it.”
Moises: “Fine, on the flight to Philadelphia we’ll lock Chip in the bathroom with a syphillitic badger.”
Moises’ wife: “Where are you going to get a syphillitic badger?”
Moises: “Jose Macias brings one on all the road trips.”
Moises’ wife passes out.
Rick Morrissey overcompensates just a little for the Tribune’s cover up of the falling concrete at Wrigley.
Wrigley’s not a dump. It’s old, sure, and it could certainly use a renovation, though the city doesn’t seem to want that to happen. Just because your paper got embarassed by not reporting that a hammer-sized hunk of cement fell into the lower grandstand last week doesn’t mean you can erase that by calling for the demise of the coolest park in baseball. Besides, if it’s such a dump, as Morrissey and Ozzie Guillen contest, then why in the survey of more than 750 baseball players did Wrigley get named as the “favorite ballpark?” Hmm?
Phil Rogers thinks that Chicago baseball fans should switch allegiances to the White Sox, because they have so much of a better chance of winning…something. Huh? The Sox are 50-42 and in second place in their division and the Wild Card. The Cubs are 51-44 and in second place in their division and two games out of the Wild Card.
But here’s the thing about this column. It’s completely pointless. It’s not entertaining. It’s not even controversial. It’s just dumb. I’m dumber for having even read it.
Greg Maddux got back to back complete games for the first time since 2000. Given the Cubs’ current bullpen state, he might want to go for four in a row if he really wants to win 300.
Dusty wants to know if you’re on the bandwagon or off of it. I’m sure he’d love Rogers’ column today.
John Jackson has decided to pretend that Mike Hall isn’t a talentless assbag. I’m not going to do that.
Mariotti proves he’s insane by putting down the doughnut to insist that after two wins a row the Cubs are in smooth sailing under Dusty. This is the same guy who pronounced them dead on arrival after Monday night. Oh, and notice the subtle plug for his “TV show.” How come nobody I know actually watches it?
Dusty says this is the most difficult year he’s had. Oh, they’ll get worse Dusty. You can count on that.
Bruce Miles says the Cubs would be wise to dump Alou and play Dave Kelton or Jason Dubois in right field next year with Sammy in left. I have a hard time thinking defensively there’s enough of a difference between Dubois and Sosa to warrant the Sammy Pathos of moving him. Kelton? Probably.
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I promised you this, so here it is. On Baseball Primer today, a typical Cardinals fan
has this reasoned, and thoughtful reaction to Zambrano’s five game suspension. Check out the clever “handle” he’s got, too.
Posted by cardsfanboy on July 23, 2004 at 02:40 AM (#750518)
5 games is a complete and utter joke for a starting pitcher, I’m sorry, but Zambrano should get a 10 game suspension that starts 3 days after his next start.
his actions were easily the most disgusting display of competitiveness I’ve ever seen.
5 days is an utter and complete joke, heck 20 days would have required at least an explanation for such a ‘lean’ sentencing. 10 days would have been tough to swallow, but 5 days???? he doesn’t even miss a start with that sentencing.
this is a turd, that beaned a guy, got beat hard core by a guy that put his head down and ran around the bases, in which the pitcher imagined that the batter ‘showed him up’ (I guess showing up means not hopping, not staring at the ball, and hitting it a freaking mile…yep you were shown up…idiot…I mean Edmonds immediately put his head down and ran around the bases) then this piece of crap, zambrano proceeded to strike edmonds out the next at bat, after he strikes the guy out he makes like randy moss and puts on a 30 second exhibition where he “shoots” the guy he struck out, then this wannabee turd gets beat, by the real first half mvp, rolen who crushes a homerun against him, and then this idiot beans edmonds for the second time in a game…..yet him missing one start is acceptable??? If the cardinals would have known that was going to happen they would have loaded the stadium the next day with sharpshooters and high powered rifles, figuring that shooting a cub would only be a two game suspension, since there was “no warning”.
my god, this is a joke of unbelievable proportions. there is no way that any rational person, or even bud selig could defend this “five” game suspension. heck kicking him out of baseball for a month probably would have been too lenient for this display. With antics like this, MLB will soon become the NBA. as it stands right now, MLB has sent a message, do what you want, we don’t care as long as you are in a city with big tv ratings. F###### Joke.
Now, check out the time he wrote this. 2:40 a.m. I’m just glad he took some time off from masturbating to photos of sheep to visit a baseball site. I think I enjoyed it more because he’s just so insecure. He thinks Carlos got the standard suspension because he’s in a city with big TV ratings. I thought St. Louis was “the best baseball city in the world!” When, in fact, it’s quite simply the “best toothless fan baseball city in the world!” Or something.
Here’s the whole thread.
Ricardo Rodriguez broke his elbow. Ouch. That has to hurt.
Steve Finley says if he’s not playing center field he’s not going anywhere. Oh, shut up.
Sean Estes wants to stay in Colorado. I can’t imagine anybody else really wants him.
A 56 year old man from Maine got struck by lightning and says he feels “100 years younger.” He feels like he’s -44?
Kirstie Alley’s new show is called, “Fat Actress.” Well, she’s perfect! She’s up to three bills? Wow. Remember how hot she used to be?
America’s finest news source asks men on the street about the possible extinction of chimps. Not CHiPs…that’ll never go away.
Who would I call if I was arrested at 3 am?
Karry Ling!! I’d ask him to conceal a mini hacksaw in his rectum, then coerce him to run around naked, screaming "Serenity Now!" at the tops of his lungs, and when he was also brought in here, we would expel the hacksaw and cut our way to freedom.
Or, not.
The answer to "Remember how hot Kirstie Alley used to be?" is the same as "Remember how funny Chevy Chase used to be?":
Nope, me neither.
Hey, y’all can e-mail me at cardsfanboy@aol.com or visit my website at http://www.cardsfanboy.com It’s a proven cure for insomnia.
Wait until St. Louis enjoys a 10-19 August. I’ll be a raving loon by then.
"Why was it that most Cubs fans excused Zambrano’s antics and not Hawkins’?"
Andy, I think you and Sloth were the few fans not a little peeved at Carlos.
I hate the Cardinals as much as anybody. I laughed when Zambrano hit Edmonds at the time. Both times. But upon further reflection, Zambrano cimply embarassed himself and us with his childish shtick.
He pegged Lassie, and then got bitch-slapped by him the next time up. Sow does he respond by shutting the Cards down the rest of the way? No. He gives up two more dingers. And then pegs Edmonds again.
And now he’s suspended. Great.
I remember being on the other side, when Bull Durham jacked a couple of dingers off of hotdog (and fellow cokehead) Pascual Perez in ’84. Trust me, it’s much better to win AND be above it all, then LOSE and look like an assclown.
You just know that Monday night was the most satisfying win of the season for the Cards.
However my question is, when’s lardass Bob Watson gonna come down on Mouthbreathin’ Matt? He actually ADMIITED to trying to throw at CPat. of course, the way that asshat’s been pitching, his suspension will hurt about as much as LaJackass’.
BTW Dave B.–heard you on WGN Sports Central last night. Can’t imagine there are too many "Daves" in Iowa City who officiate baseball and hockey who AREN’T you. Nice call.
I looked best back when these action shots were taken.
Cardsfanboy.com is a cure for insomnia? That sucks. I thought Ivy Chat was the cure for insomnia. Either that or someone is recycling old jokes.
Nah…
In light of the 5 days that David Ortiz got for throwing bats at an umpire, I’d say Zambrano’s suspension is more than enough. I know it’s a big difference between a starting pitcher and a position player, but still, HE THREW BATS AT THE UMPIRE!
That was me. I was hacked about Delgado not standing up for the "God Bless America" stretch, and I wondered why he didn’t just further his protest and take his multi-millions in Canadian cash instead of American. That would show us dirty Americans.
I also mentioned how it pisses me off to see people at games walking around or eating during the National Anthem. It’s bad enough that the public address announcer has to tell everyone to rise and "gentleman, kindly remove your caps". That’s kind of like having a sign in the restroom saying "Employees must wash their hands before returning to work".
Dave, what’s worse, Delgado quietly protesting "God Bless America" or the Yankees using patriotism as gamesmanship in attempt to try and ice an opposing pitcher?
Sorry, Carlos. Any suspension appeal is going to be denied and you’ll spend time cooling your heels at home, enabling you to report back to your teammates on the scathing stylings of CHiP and Steve.
No way this suspension gets scaled back — The Man is going to ensure Carlos misses a start for the Edmonds plunking.
Why not just go for a 6-man rotation for a week and get Wood’s suspension out of the way, too?
"Denied," you ignorant slut, I’m not appealing. I said on the Boers and Bernstien show yesterday that when you sin, you get what’s coming to you. Jackass. I think "Denied" is B.C. in disguise.
Another wacky Christian, that Carlos. At least he’s not as annoying as Andy Cletitte.
I’m not hip to all the ins and outs of the Joe Morgan/Ryne Sandberg situation, but I know enough to find his answer about whether they’ve "settled their differences" interesting:
"I’ve never had any differences with Ryne. People have said I’m trying to keep him out of the HOF but that’s absurd. I think Bill Mazeroski is the best defensive 2B I ever saw. People seem to have a problem with that but it’s how I feel. I’ve never had a difference with anybody. If you look in my history, I wrote a column that said I was surprised Sandberg didn’t get more votes. I don’t have a problem with anybody, but I guess they have a problem with me!"
Here’s the Joe Morgan chat wrap
Zambrano –
I’m no B.C., but I am repeating what I saw on tv this morning, as three stations reported an appeal as being in the offing.
Despite what you said on the estimable B&B Score Show, an appeal is pretty much automatic from the players union. You’d think a company man such as yourself would know that instead of shilling High Noon.
I think Morgan gets plenty of flack for his HOF stances because he is a nattering fool on the television. His blathering and pious outlook on a game that has clearly passed him by is just more residual resentment many of these old timers (pre-double digit contracts) have.
It’s not his anti-Sandberg slant that has the ire of many, but rather his pro-idiot talking head "sportscasting."
The appeal allows you to delay the suspension as well. Wood will probably drop his appeal after his July 28 start, so they simply skip past his turn on Aug. 3 (they have the 2nd off).
Zambrano will probably drop his appeal so the Aug. 9 off day will work to the Cubs benefit.
Gee, T.J., that sound reasoning. I am sure #11 Carlos will bean you for being an ignorant slut, too.
CT,
Weren’t all our Founding Fathers Yankees?
Agreed one would have to be Stoned to think the players can’t know what’s being said in the booth by Tivoing the game, or what have you.
But you might have to be stoned to figure out why a player would be thin-skinned enough to go out of his way to complain about it.
I’m sure Stone knows Alou can hear him, he’s just wondering why the guy would give 2 damns and throw a hissy fit about it, right now.
However, as long as it’s an issue, negotiations with Chip must be terminated for good and immediately.
As I indicated in the article, Chippy my boy & I will expound more on this issue during tonight’s telecast on the U.
This way, friends & family throughout the country will not be able to hear our incendiary comments.
Maybe, while giving Suntimes interview, I forgot that the offense has sucked so bad the past few weeks. I’m old, you know.
I should give an interview complaining about how Chip & Steve are trying to steal my Gold Glove to give it to Albie. I’d like to hear their rebuttal.
We’ll stop the ridiculous touting of Gold Glove Pujols when our friends at Desipio stop the ridiculous touting of Aramis for the Gold Glove at 3B.
I’ll go out on a limb and say Morgan’s anti-Sandberg stance has some racial undertones to it, just like almost all of his other opinions do. Listen carefully and see who he defends/touts as great players.
As for Moises, this Cubs slide started when he cooled off substantially over a six-week stretch in late-May and June. He ought to be glad they didn’t rip on him more.
Unbelievable. How can a Cardinal fan complain about Carlos getting a five-game suspension?
HE GOT SUSPENDED, WHAT MORE DO YOU FREAKING WANT?!?!?
Carlos acted dumb, and now he’s getting penalized for it. There is no reason I can see to be upset at the length of the suspension here.
B.C., this is a first: You are correct. Enjoy!
Gotta wonder if Mouthbreathin’ Matt will get fined and/or suspended for admitting he threw behind Corey on Tuesday?
Another sign the Redbirds have a pact with the Devil: they play three against the Giants this weekend in St. Louis and don’t have to face Jason Schmidt.
They had a discussion on a radio show yesterday (I can’t remember who it was) about who Cubs fans would root for in a White Sox- Cardinals World Series (God forbid). Hell, I’d root for al Qaeda against the Redbirds.
Probably not, #28, because neither me nor Dusty have been whining all over ESPN about it.
Dave B is correct. As evidenced by my stance on Bill Mazeroski, I may be unfairly biased toward the Polish, but I still say Jerry Dybzinski was the best fielding shortstop to play the game.
And that Monica Luzinski? Hubba Hubba.
When should we expect the first edition of Ask Andy?
Joe, I always figured you were partial to the French, what with your Napolean complex and all.
I also rank Vic Harris & Rodney Scott slightly ahead of Sandberg.
I think Little Joe’s Mazeroski comment is a lot like the guy who says "I have a lot of black friends". It’s just a token attempt to look good.
Screw you, Dave B. I sat by Terry Crowley on a team flight once.
And, for the record, Lenny Randle was a tremendous ballplayer.
They found Matt Clement’s stolen bling bling. Police are still searching for some of his Wins that were stolen at around the same time.
http://cbs.sportsline.com/mlb/story/7520775
You just made the list. I suppose now it’s the offense’s fault that Clement doesn’t have a W since June 8.
It’s all pitching pitching pitching with you guys.
Dave B,
Are you callin’ me a ______?
Darin, you around here? I wish you were, so I could kick your teeth in.
We still need a closer.
Oh yeah, that swimsuit pic of Kirstie Alley…either that pic is 25 years old, or they stuck her head on a body double.
Because, no way in hell she gets THAT fat in 7 years. Less than that, because she’s been playing the Queen Mary in Lifetime movies for a few years, at least.
Even if you chain-ate zingers 24/7/for five years, you couldn’t gain that much weight. I’ve tried.
Kick me?? But I’m so cute!
Kirstie Alley was a house when she was starring in this crappy sitcom and that was during the mid-90’s. I think that picture was from 1897.
1897 wasn’t the year, it was my waist size.
Todd Walker led the game off by getting on base. A novel idea! I do belive this makes it obvious why Dusty doesn’t do this too often — it unfortunately usually ensures tallying up the LOB count for the hitters that follow.
Already down by 1 in a game where we don’t have to face Thome (unless CBS is lying, LYING! to me).
How bout that Derrek Lee, eh!
One pitch, one out. If I’m back at Wrigley next week, a piece of concrete should fall on my head.
Yeah Alex, cause I’m the superior option (outside of trading)!
If Hendry ever gets the balls to finally do this weak ass trade, this should be the lineup:
Cabrera
Walker(Grud should only play once every 3 days at best)
Sosa
Alou
Ramirez
Lee
Barrett
Patterson
pitcher
I know I’m dreaming here, because God forbid Dusty to pull Grud out of the lineup and put Patterson all the way down to the eight spot where he should be.
I just hope Hendry makes a trade here before we play the Brewers. They did sweep us last time up there Jim.
I’d just like to know if we’re going to at least trade for some bench help. If Hollandsworth doesn’t get healthy soon(he’s hitting over .300), our best off the bench is Jose Macias at .291. Are you kidding me? Then you got Mony around .250, Tom Goodwin at .190 something, Gabor Bako at .180 something. This group of lemons is pathetic. They talked about how good they were this year. It’s quite evident we better improve this bench soon. We’re not going to get to the playoffs with these guys help. Baker loves to use his bench too.
It’s time now Hendry before that all important Brewers series. If we can actually take at least 3 out of 4 up there, we might actually gain some momentum and confidence. Please do this team a favor and pickup some quality scrubs.
I got ahold of that one buddy. I can’t believe I got an infield hit.
Aloooooooooooooooooooou!
I fell like I am swinging at the Goodyear Blimp when that ball comes in.
Rumor has it, Gabor was diagnosed with syphilis today. He got lucky with a homeless bum in downtown philly by the Rocky statue last night.
Sosa reaches, Alou homers. Mark it down!
Hey, Moises, if you keep doing that kind of thing consistently, maybe we’ll talk about the offense.
Corey reaches, Sammy homers!?
Pretty neat if you ask me!
"Hell, I’d root for al Qaeda against the Redbirds."
AWESOME!
I can’t hit. I can’t field. I can’t work the count. I can’t bunt a runner over in the 9th inning of a 1 run game. I am pretty much the worst leadoff hitter in baseball, huh?
Please trade me before I rot away. Whatever you do, don’t PH me for Grudz OR AGonz in a critical game situation.
Cashman, get me a goon for these brawls, what’s Cliff Johnson up to these days. It’s like a Cubs/Cards game broke our this afternoon…
Cashman, get me a goon for these brawls, what’s Cliff Johnson up to these days. It’s like a Cubs/Cards game broke out this afternoon…
Maybe next time, you’ll hit me for Grud, Dusty.
Hey look – the Cubs offense is 4 outs away from getting no hit!!!
I’m the best at what I do.
HAHA this is easy!
He pissed away this season doing nothing to improve this team.
What a team!
Unless they hit a homerun they don’t score!
More gas for me to have to waste this evening I guess.
Ugh.
According to the Tribune, I am sick of Alex Gonzalez because he’s sucked since his return from DL. Interestingly enough, I don’t seem to be sick of Mark Grudzielanek who has sucked the entire month since HIS return from DL. The craziest thing about all of this is that I already HAVE a better 2nd baseman, I just won’t play him! And hey, why PH Todd Walker in the 9th when I just have Gonzo strike out?
Am I sick of LaTroy Hawkins yet? Because that guy is absolutely gutless.
That would be me, your a-hole of an anouncer, CHIP CARAY. Go Phillies!!!!!
I was being saved for the next doubleswitch.