While Carlos Zambrano was shutting down the Brewers yesterday in the land of cheese and…cheese, Cubs Nation was excited by the fact that Alex Gonzalez wasn’t in the lineup. Rumors of a Nomar Garciaparra trade continued to swirl and other rumors that the Expos would deal Orlando Cabrera, but only for Felix Pie and Angel Guzman were out there, too.

For so long, Cabrera has been the consolation prize in the Nomar Derby, and what happens if even he’s not available?

Hey, we’ve gotten used to 0-4 from our shortstops, it doesn’t matter if they’re named Martinez, Gonzalez or Enriquez.

Actually, if they’re going to go 0-4, they might as well be named Enriquez.


Another Giants loss to the Padres last night means that the Cubs are tied with San Francisco, two games out of the Wild Card slot in the NL. Phil Rogers wants Cubs fans to panic that either San Francisco or San Diego is going to trade for the Big Unit and then all hope is lost. Whatever. Rogers’ source is Padres second baseman Mark Loretta. Because of course, every team’s second baseman knows exactly what the general manager is thinking.

So, we sent Karry Ling to interview the Cubs second base duo of Tork Walkzielanek to see what the Cubs were going to do.

Karry?

Hello again everybody, your old pal Karry Ling here at Wrigley Field with Cubs expert Tork Walkzielanek. Tork, are the Cubs going to make any trades before tomorrow’s 3 p.m. deadline?

Tork: I don’t know. Do you think they tell us? Go away, creepy.

There you have it Andy.

Thanks, Karry. Nice work.

The Cubs win yesterday was the second game in a row that Dusty constructed a lineup around a non-Tork Walkzielanek lead off hitter. On Wednesday night it was Jose Macias, filling in for Corey Patterson in center, and yesterday it was Tom Goodwin giving Moises Alou a day off. You don’t suppose it was Dusty’s way of saying, “You know Jim Hendry, if I had a leadoff guy, this is what the lineup would look like.”

It’s true. The Cubs could use one, but the revamped lineup scored a whopping seven runs in two games. But still, it was Macias and Goodwin. And yes, I know that Goodwin started the game winning rally yesterday. There’s a saying about a blind pig, an acorn and some mud that would apply.

This morning the city’s building inspector said that Wrigley was safe enough for today’s game against the Phillies to go on. This is the same building inspector who thought that Lakeview apartment porch was all right last summer. So if you’re going to the game. Don’t look up.

The Phillies are in town and they just spent the last four days getting their asses handed to them in Miami. Again. Larry Bowa once destroyed a Wrigley Field toilet with a baseball bat. I’m guessing that if things don’t go well for the Phils today, the Cubs might want to have a plumber on call.

Eric Milton gets the start today against Mark Prior and we saw this movie on Sunday and it wasn’t pretty. Do we think the Cubs have learned that they shouldn’t try and pull all that soft stuff that Milton throws to the outside part of the plate? Nah. That’d be too much to ask.

The White Sox dropped their fifth in a row last night and they’re blaming it on a ball that Timo Perez misjudged then lunged for and probably caught. The umps thought it skipped off the grass. When you misplay a ball that thoroughly you have to expect the possibility it’ll be a hit. I should know, I saw Candy Maldonado play the outfield at Wrigley.

The Twins didn’t want to part with outfielder Jason Kubel (who can flat out rake) and so their deal with the Pirates for Kris Benson started to fall apart last night. Kenny Williams is so hell bent on keeping a guy with a career 43-49 record away from the Twins that he offered to throw a player into a deal between the Mets and Pirates for Benson just to make it happen and send Kris to New York. To be fair, Scot Gregor reports today that the deal has since been expanded and would involve the White Sox getting Chicago-native and outfield cripple Cliff Floyd.

The New York Times says that the Yankees aren’t going to get Randy.

The Marlins are trying to deal for Paul LoDuca. He’d probably be the second best Dodgers’ catcher they’ve ever traded for, don’t you think?

Newsday says Jerry Colangelo doesn’t want to trade with the Yankees.

The LA Times says the Angels’ chance to get Randy Johnson is fading.

Why would the Dodgers want Jeff Conine?

The LA Times has the LoDuca to the Marlins rumor.

The Twins are out of the running for Benson.

Kenny Lofton might be coming back to Wrigley…to play for the Phillies this weekend.

Newsday says the Yankees want Larry Walker.

Bruce Miles thinks that Sammy should drop down in the order and that the Cubs are going to get Orlando and maybe Ugy. Sammy’s just gotten hot, Bruce. Leave him alone.

The Red Sox are talking to everybody and getting nowhere.

Today’s game is on.

Sammy says that the Cubs are turning things around. Dave van Dyck calls it a “miserable season.” Well, the Cubs are only two games out of a playoff spot and that’s a half a game and half closer than those spunky White Sox.

The Lawnmower decided to just throw strikes and blow everybody away.

Teddy Greenstein is the new Tribune college football national reporter. What happened to Always Angry Andy Bagnato?

Aaron Taylor is a new ABC college football expert, and Terry Bowden has finally been booted off the set. Too bad he’s going to do color analysis.

Quentin Richardson got Brandy and freed from the Clippers in the same day. Who knew?

David Huh says Lance Briggs is happy.

Mariotti puts down the doughnut to pretend to be a structural engineer.

John Jackson just heard the rumors that Mike North is going to mornings.

Mike Kiley thinks the Cubs are getting Orlando Cabrera.

Jayson Stark’s missing mustache with some last minute trade rumors.

Rick Morrisey is talentless.

Drudge with some good stuff about the CNN director and his love of balloons.

A British man furnaced himself to death.

Anna Nicole is getting naked to prove she lost her weight naturally. How would we tell?

Don’t send your sons to Austrailian summer camp. Yikes.

America’s finest source with the story of a man and the death of his lifelong love affair with music.