It is 5,448 miles from Chicago to Athens, Greece but in the span of about two hours yesterday two groups of “athletes” pulled off impossible feats and were joined in our consciousness for eternity…or until Tuesday night, whichever comes first.
The Cubs bullpen continued an implosion that first started on in Friday’s ninth inning and was delayed 48 hours until it returned with even greater force. While literally half-way across the globe, the US Olympic men’s basketball team managed to lose to Puerto Rico by NINETEEN!
I wasn’t sure whether to be saddened or sickened. So, I settled on the third alternative…drunk.
First off, in Chicago, The Farns couldn’t throw a strike…again. Maybe he was trying to be a good teammate and get the fans off of Sammy Sosa’s back. Given how lustily The Farns was booed yesterday, he might have actually accomplished it. His manager said of The Farns, “his problems are probably mental.”
Gee, ya think?
Can you disable a guy for being a dumbass? How about Jim Hendry makes a phone call and tries that?
Dusty would later go on to say that the Cubs were in trouble because without LaTroy Hawkins (suspended–petulance) the Cubs were “short in the bullpen.” First off, I don’t know what height has to do with anything. Secondly, he ONLY had SIX guys available in the bullpen. Six!
Let’s count them.
Lefthanders: Glendon Rusch, Kent Mercker, Mike Remlinger
Righthanders: The Farns, The Ice Man, Ryan Dempster
Isn’t that the same number just about every other bullpen in the world has in it? Six?
But here’s the deal. Dempster shouldn’t even be in the big leagues because he hasn’t shown he can actually get anybody out. The Farns has one of those contracts that firemen and air traffic controllers have to get, the ones that say “No Strike” on top of them. Mercker’s actually done a decent job lately and he somehow wriggled out of a bases loaded one out spot in the seventh with minimal damage (and would have been no damage if Nomar hadn’t gotten a double play relay throw caught in his glove.) Remlinger was apparently being saved to close a game that turned wide open, and Rusch still can’t cover first base.
That leaves us with The Ice Man. He’s still the best pitcher in the Cubs bullpen, but despite the pyromaniac efforts of The Farns yesterday, it was an 0-2 pitch thrown by Leicester that sent me into hysterics. Here’s why.
Leicester comes in with the bases loaded and one out and does a good job getting fat Olmedo Saenz to fly to center. The runner from third tags and scores and it’s 5-4 Cubs. Now banjo hitting Cesar Izturis is up and the Cubs can get out of the eighth with the lead.
Ice Man puts a fastball on the outside corner for strike one. Izturis is mad, he thinks it’s a ball. Ice Man’s second pitch is a fastball even farther off of the plate for strike two. Now, here’s Izturis standing up there, thinking that if the next pitch is anything short of the Cubs dugout he’s got to swing at it. The defense is playing Izturis to go the other way if he hits it.
So what do Mike Barrett and the Ice Man come up with? An inside breaking ball. It’s just slow enough that Izturis can pull it, and not low enough for him to miss it. He singles to right just barely over the glove of Gruddy who had he been playing Izturis to pull, or even straight up, he catches, the tying run scores and all hell really breaks loose.
Does that mean the Ice Man lost the game? Well, he didn’t help. But no, it’s hard to pin this one on anybody but The Farns.
In the GameCast thread from Friday, you, the home reader went nuts at Dusty for even using The Farns. After the pantloading experience the Farns and Glendon put us through on Friday, you had to wonder why Dusty didn’t just go Prior-Mercker-Ice Man-Remlinger to end the game.
However, this is on Jim Hendry. Why is Todd Wellemeyer in Iowa? If Dempster’s not ready to use in an important situation (and he proved last week he’s not) he shouldn’t be on the big league roster. Just when Dusty actually started to use Wellemeyer they sent him to Iowa. Huh?
What do you do with Farnsworth? You can’t send him to Iowa because you’d have to release him and somebody would pick him up. And it’s not like the Cardinals or Padres or Giants would get him, because right now that would help the Cubs. He probably didn’t even get through waivers so you can’t trade him.
Honestly, there’s only one thing you can do with him, and it’s what Dusty’s been doing. You just run the dumb bastard out there when you need him to get some outs and hope he does it.
Hey, it sucks. But it’s reality.
—
Saturday’s game was enjoying for so many reasons. Kerry Wood pitched great and did something Matt Clement only dreams he could, he gave himself all the run support he needed. Corey continued his great play in center, Sammy looked like he had a clue. Nomar and Derrek Lee made great defensive plays. But the real gift was that Fox gave us the horrendously bad (and hilarious) duo of Dick Stockton and Tim McCarver.
Stockton referred to E-ramis Ramirez as…(in order)…E-ramis Gonzalez, E-ramis Martinez and then, finally, E-ramis Ramirez.
He and McCarver talked a little football and Stockton mused that the NFC East is kind of a “Mount Rushmore of coaches, with Gibbs, Parcells, Andy Reid and Tom Coughlin.” Andy Reid and Tom Coughlin? Wouldn’t that be like if the real Mount Rushmore had the faces of George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, Calvin Coolidge and Millard Fillmore on it?
—
Hey, today’s an off day for the Cubs (so was yesterday), so let’s think about something positive today! So here’s Karry Ling with his Olympic Update:
Hello again, everybody! It’s your old friend Karry Ling here from Athens, Greece. Boy it’s been a great weekend. Pepe and I have seen a lot of country and it’s a beautiful land here. Sunday night we went to the US-Puerto Rico basketball game and Pepe had a good point.
Why do we have to play Puerto Rico? Aren’t they part of the United States? Didn’t Teddy Roosevelt kill a bunch of Spaniards to claim it for us? What the hell are they doing pretending they’re another country? They’re a commonwealth, right? Well, so’s Virginia and they don’t have their own Olympic team.
Anyway, the game did not go well for the United States. Apparently, even though our nation has more than 290,000,000 people in it, we can’t find 12 of them who can make an 18 foot jump shot.
In the first half alone Carmelo Anthony, Lamar Odom and Dwyane Wade all shot airballs from less than three point range. Hit the cutoff man, for chrissakes!
I wanted to talk to Olympic coach Larry Brown, but I went to the wrong interview room. Thankfully, Pepe caught up with the coach in the hallway just outside the US locker room. He filed this report.
Larry Brown: Whose yak is this? Isn’t this a great country? They’ve got yaks just wandering around the arena! Will somebody please move this yak, he’s starting to drool! It’s bad enough I just inducted into the John Thompson Hall of Shame, and now I’ve got a yak drooling on me!
Thank you, Pepe, for that report.
I also found the time to head over to the pool for some swimming and a chance to see American swimmer Michael Phelps try and tie former Bears’ quarterback Mike Phipps with seven Olympic gold medals in swimming.
Editorial note: We think he meant Mark Spitz.
However, tragedy struck during the first leg of the 4×400 freestyle relay when American swimmer Ian Crocker drowned in the pool. OK, he didn’t drown, but it took him long enough that you’d have thought he was wearing those inflatable water wings to stay afloat. Crocker’s effort was not helped though when he had to waste precious swimming around the nearly drowning body of Sun-Times “columnist” Jay Mariotti who had been pushed into the pool by USA Today reporter Christine Brennan. Brennan has been awarded this year’s Pulitzer Prize for Attempted Homicide.
I should also note that during the rescue, Pepe bit Jay in the leg. Pepe reports Mariotti “tastes like gravy.”
Our final event yesterday was the USA-Australia softball game and let me tell you it’s not fair to the rest of the world that we have the manliest lesbians in the world. Wow. You thought the old Dick Williams’ A’s teams had lots of facial hair? They’ve got nothing on Lisa Fernandez. She couldn’t play for the Yankees, let’s put it that way.
The USA-Australia game turned on a key play in the third inning when 280 pound USA catcher Stacey Nuveman blocked home plate and most of right field on a play at the plate to keep the game 2-0 USA.
Nuveman has a fun nickname. Since we’re in Greece, there’s a statue of Aphrodite not far from the softball diamonds. Aphrodite is the greek goddess of love and rapture. Nuveman’s nickname is Hermaphrodite.
Anyway, that’s all for today! Back to you, Andy.
—
Karry is going to hell for that Hermaphrodite joke. But I think it was worth it. It can’t be topped, so why try?
The bullpen was not good yesterday. That’s an understatement.
Moron the bullpen.
Moises says he didn’t say anything, then says what he said and it clearly was something. And really, who wouldn’t want to see Randall Simon trying to play left field? Apparently the Cubs don’t.
Greg Maddux whipped the crowd into a frenzy with…OK, he didn’t.
My favorite part of this article on Ron Rivera’s speech to the team yesterday was when he talked about one of Wannstedt’s teams quit and embarrassed the franchise. Actually, most of them did.
Mike Downey wakes up to write a column about the USA Hoops team.
Mariotti puts down the doughnut to leave out the part about Christine Brennan’s shove and the yak bite.
Apparently one of the Japanese swimmers was riding a dolphin or something. Yeah, that does seem illegal.
Dusty finally figured out the Cubs miss Todd Hollandsworth.
The NY Post on the “Creamed Team.” No, Sloth, it’s not that.
Gary Payton doesn’t want to play for Boston. Must have Nomar on his speed dial.
Deion might come out of retirement to play nickel and return kicks for the Ravens. Deion, as always, is a dope.
The Bears don’t like Lovie’s defense. Well, tough s@#$. We didn’t like theirs last year.
Jayson Stark on how waivers work.
Peter King’s Monday Morning Quarterback.
The Greeks are going to have to start giving tickets away. Nice.
“Hey, the Sawx are looking better!”
Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
The world’s greatest newspaper says NASA has built the world’s biggest paper airplane.
Todd Wellemeyer is in Iowa because I don’t like him dammit! Farnsie’s one of my boys, he’ll get it eventually, man.
I’m sucking on purpose. I want to close, dammit! I will continue to blow games until I get to close!
I will be in Houston attending the Friday and Sunday games between the Astros and Cubs.
I am taking suggestions from Desipio fans as to things I could do to annoy Astros fans and do some good heckling.
We are in Row 1 Friday night down the LF line, so I’ve already come up with a "Rasheed Alou" comment to heckle our urine-stained, ump-hating, slumping left-fielder. And The Farns may be a target as well.
Of course, The Beege will get his fair share of comments, and I will keep a keen eye out for any public rendezvous between he and Chippy.
Suggestions to annoy Astro Fans:
– Wear that rainbow wig that guy used to wear to Oiler games
– Make snide comments about Barbara Bush and her box seats and why she’s not at Rangers’ games.
– Ask what the hell a train is doing in a park named for an energy company and a juice maker that hosts a team named for pilots who fly outside the Earth’s atmosphere.
– Don’t shower for a week ahead of the game.
– Shout "CRAGGY WOO!!" at the top of your lungs for the final three innings.
– Bring a sign showing Roger & Andy are set to guest star on a "ver special" Will & Grace.
Run around the Juice Box screaming "It’s Lima Time!" at the top of your lungs. You’ll get killed within 10 minutes, guaranteed.
You can talk about your UCLA’s, your Celtics, your Yankees…Cocaine is the greatest dynasty there is. Undefeated since recorded history!!
And yeah, my own Creamed Team starts with that cute little Misty May. Bay-bee got back!!
Thanks Chuck, but the showering thing can’t be done. We’re heading to Treasures and The Gold Cup for some pre-game entertainment and I don’t think the ladies would enjoy that.
Dave:
It’s Texas. Those ladies are used to men who only use water to feed their cattle.
Besides. Let ’em "snatch" a double sawbuck and it’s open season.
I’ve been that guy on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday doing all the well deserved Farns bashing.
Reading Dolan’s Daily Dose today, I disagree however in continuing to use this jackass. Like I said it and I’ll say it again, how many games did Antonio Alfonseca screw up last year until Baker had enough of him. He ended up ditching him and we made the playoffs.
Same should be done with Farnsworthless. This guy is in mental shambles. Why take chances on blowing games? People we don’t have many more to blow here.
I believe we’re tied with the Padres & Giants for the wild card.
We’re not St. Louis here with a 13 some game lead in the division and have time to pamper around with Kyle getting his head out of his ass.
Baker needs to take full responsiblity for his own actions. We weren’t short in the bullpen with Hawkins suspended. Baker never uses the bullpen right. When a guy is struggling, you don’t put him in a game that is a must win.
You put a piece of shit like Farnsworthless in mop up duty. Just like Alfonseca last year. I can’t believe Baker didn’t learn his lesson from last year.
Honestly, I would release Farnsworthless and bring up the Meat Tray or Wellemeyer. Why continue to torture yourself?
Baker bitches about getting no sleep at night. He makes his own nightmares.
You don’t ditch the Farns. I’m not sure if we can pull this wild card thing off.
One more thing, if Baker would be a great manager we should run away with this wild card in the last couple months.
My take is that he’ll continue his managing blunders and we might sneak by. I don’t like our chances with that dumbass at the helm.
You can double up on the Prozac.
I will now add Hermaphro-ditey to my list of mean nicknames I give people.
Thanks!
I thought I was dead?
Jay Mariotti? Is that you posting?
Whoever it is, it appears that you ail from the opposite of what ails Kyle Farnsworth, who probably overindulges in everything Chicago’s nightlife and women have to offer. It’s caused a bit of a non-chalant attitude and poor performance on the field.
But a severe deficiency in said pastimes can cause undue bitterness.
My God, lighten up, buddy! It was a gorgeous weekend to be alive. Beautiful day yesterday. Just glorious. I missed most of the game as I was at the golf course, but I hurried home just in time to see the bullpen go up in flames. It sucks, but why waste energy tearing a new one into Dusty Baker, who seems to handle pennant races fairly well. Only Joe Torre and Bobby Cox have had more success in a pennant race than Dusty Baker has had this past decade.
So what are we pining for? A return of Ted Abernathy, Hank Agguire and Don Regan? Dick Tidrow and Randy Martz? George Frazier, Tim Stoddard and Warren Brusstar? Terry Adams, Marc Pisciotta and Don Wengert?
Oh, yeah, maybe you want Ray King and Julian Tavarez back.
Finding good relief pitchers is a crapshoot
What we need is a reliever who could do this for a month for us.
1.93 ERA 14 innings, 12 hits, 19 K and only eight walks.
Or this would be a good month:
3-1, 3.60 ERA, 19 K and only five walks.
This month would be nice, too:
2.25 ERA in 12 innings with 16 K.
Let’s see, in order that’d be Farnsworth’s July, June and May.
It’s nice to see that a player can’t have a bad stretch without getting thrown over the side of the boat.
That’s how many games — total — in the next 45 in which the Cubs play a team with a record over .500 (Atlanta, Oct. 1-3).
Come in off the ledge. It’s windy outside.
Larry,
I think the guy who hates Farnsworth’s right. Let’s get Andy Pratt and Michael Wuertz up here and see if they can handle the pressure. As for Farnsworth, maybe we can release him and see if he can regain his form in the Padres’ bullpen.
But they have to face us lots of times and we’ve got the potential to SWEEP!
"Only" 8 walks in 14 innings? That would be a sign of trouble and getting bailed out by your defense. I only have 26 walks in 153 innings. Hmmmm…
Hi Greg, buddy. You know what I like about a guy who strikes out 19 in 14 innings, buddy? It means that of the 42 outs he got, I only needed to be alert for 23 of them, buddy.
It almost sounds, buddy, that he bailed himself out at least as much as the 8 other guys on the diamond, buddy, if he’s getting 19 K’s in 14 innings.
I’m glad we have today off, I have to sit down with my NL Green Book (do they even still print that thing?) and figure out just how VAUNTED the bullpens of the Brewers, Astros, Marlins, Expos, Reds, Pirates and Mets are.
They’re all going to be VAUNTED once I get my hands on some stats!
Or, I’ll just make it up.
*Sigh* Only, three more games with the Beege. They might be his last three ever against the Cubs. If he goes to the AL next year, I’ll go with!
Nah, no such luck for you fans.
Chippy, remember when you had a boner for me? What happened? You never talk about me anymore!
Sometimes you just have to find joy in those little moments, like watching Larry Walker almost get killed by a routine flyball or Ray King and Julian Tavarez blowing a game against Atlanta. Although the Braves gave it all back last night by playing some of the most ridiculous defense I’ve ever seen.
Chip’s obsessed with me now.
Cheer up Cub fans, your team could be paying 12 million dollars a year for a guy like Farnsworth. You know, like my team does.
The stat about the Cubs playing only one above-.500 team is correct.
However, I don’t think the schedule is that easy. We face teams like Florida and Houston that can easily get hot and beat us 2 out of 3 in a series.
Montreal (7-1 in last eight) and Pittsburgh (6-2 in last eight, including a 4-2 mark against SD and SF) have been playing much better lately.
And then there is that series at Shea, against the Mets, in late September. I think we have seen that movie before…
At least the Reds (6-17 in the last 23) are starting to fall off the map a little bit.
Are we even on the map?
The USA-Germany volleyball match is on right now and because somebody has to say it, Logan Tom is on the Jennie Finch All-Stars (for overrated hotties). She’s certainly not homely, but she’s not that great. The Germans have a girl who keeps picking her nose and she’s hotter than Logan.
Randall Simon got released by the Pirates yesterday.
Unfortunately, his stats haven’t been that good.
His average was .194, with three homers and 14 RBI in 175 at-bats.
Oh, and BC…I’m pretty sure there are some actual Major League Baseball quality players on every team, and so by definition any of them could get hot and play good for a three or six or even ten game stretch.
And Cincinnati has fallen so far off the map of the United States that they are beginning to appear on that map of Italy that’s on every pizza box.
Simon can cover a lot of ground in left field.
Even when he’s standing still.
Oh, I’ve got a million of ’em!
The point being made is that you would much rather the Cubs be taking on poorer teams without a lot to play for, instead of teams fighting for a playoff spot, or superior.
I for one am glad that there will be only three more against ATL and no more games against SF, SD, LA, PHL and, I can’t believe I’m writing this, STL.
Of course, Cubs have shown an inate ability to make even Chico’s Bail Bonds appear to be fundamentally sound (cue Tanner pic), but I like the way this final sprint to the finish is setting up.
What’s amazing to me is that despite all they’ve done to try and give this away, the Cubs are in mid-August tied for a playoff berth.
Let’s win this thing already.
Someone tell Kyle what Andy just said. A three, six or ten game stretch would be nice.
On the plus side, LaTroy’s suspension didn’t even hurt!
Isn’t there a difference between cute and hot, and wouldn’t that picture help us in the distinction?
I’m not saying she is ugly, but she should not be considered hot.
My point is that, with the way the Cubs are playing, we shouldn’t consider games against teams like Montreal or Pittsburgh easy wins. That’s all.
Has been upheld!!! Glendon will be starting saturday.
Hey, considering we were able to knock USA basketball off our map, maybe you should show us a little respect.
Uh…. We want respect. Turns out we’re as good as your average college team. Probably worse.
Too bad we couldn’t make use of this off day so I wouldn’t even have to miss a start. Oops.
B.C.:
So long as Sosa and Alou are batting ahead of Lee and Ramirez, and Ramirez isn’t playing, I don’t consider any win easy.
Not that I speak for anyone else.
You aren’t missing a start, Kerry. You are just being pushed back one day.
Dumbass.
Well, if you want to 2nd guess (or first guess in this case) Baker, here’s another chance. According to most outlets, both Nomar and Alou are going to be rested tomorrow, with Aramis’ return no sure thing. Which means we could see a lineup of:
1-Corey Patterson – CF
2-Grud – 2B
3-Sosa – RF
4-Lee – 1B
5-Barrett – C
6-Jose Macias – 3B
7-Ramon Martinez – SS
8-Tom Goodwin – LF
9-Carlos Zambrano
I think I’d bat Zambrano 6th.
Instead of starting the suspension yesterday, MLB held off and waited till today, thus forcing the Cubs to start Rusch on Saturday. Had it gone into effect yesterday, Wood could’ve started Saturday and Prior on Friday (with normal four days off). This is what happens when you keep pissing the umpires off.
On the bright side, Zambrano gets an extra day’s rest and will probably start next Monday instead, and Prior and Wood will start the games I will be in attendance in Houston.
CT, that’s a nice lineup, dude, except I’ll put Goodwin in the 2-hole and slide everyone else down.
Maybe I should start a game. Joe B got to start a game. Remember when I was a starter? See things were a hell of alot worse than they are now.
Kerry should stop fighting with umps, it makes them call me out on check swings!
Serves Wood right. He started the "postal at the umps" thing and if he costs his team a win because Glendon has a bad outing, he’ll have something to remember.
God, this team drives me crazy. If an ump sqeezes you, don’t get mad at the ump! Blow the fuucking ball by the batter!
YOU DON’T DESERVE TO WIN!!! YOU HAVE TO EARN IT!!!
Don’t get mad. Don’t get even. Blow the competition away so bad they can’t catch up and the umps can’t hurt you!
Idiots.
This team could win the World Series and I’d be happy. But I’ll have fonder memories of the 1989 team than this bag of asswipes.
Chuck, I agree with you on that specific point. Some folks seem to be talking as if the schedule is practically ensuring a Cubs’ playoff appearance. Some of these teams, while under .500, are not bad teams. We must play better than we are now to win the games we should to win the Wild Card.
In two weeks, the Giants get I think 11 straight games against the Rockies and D-Backs. The Cubs have to have, I think, at least a 3-game advantage over San Fran at the start of that stretch for the Giants. And that’s not considering the Padres, who I would consider a slight favorite if not for the fact they still have six games against the Cardinals. Of course, knowing LaRussa, don’t be surprised if he starts "resting" some of his regulars against the Pads.
The Giants suck.
They will not be in it at the end of the year.
That is all.
Wrong Andy, I picked the Giants to win the Wild Card this morning. Felipe Alou just announced his new strategy will be to go to a one man rotation of Jason Schmidt.
On the plus side, I proved that I can’t relieve and I’m better at starting. Also, Wood gets an extra day to rest his arm so he can’t cry that it hurts.
BUT Glendon, dude, the ‘pen will only have six guys when you start. We’ll be short again!!!
So don’t blame me when I send Farns out with the bases loaded and no outs in the 8th inning, dammit, there’s no other choice! And Darren’s right here sitting in my lap so don’t be meanies.
Several years ago, I was umpiring a Pony League game (ages 13-15) on the bases when a young punk who was pitching started throwing a fit over my friend’s ball/strike calls. Between innings, my friend said "Watch this. He’s coming to bat next inning". He called the next three pitches strikes, and not one of then was close to the zone. In fact, one of pitches hit about a foot in front of the plate and skipped past the catcher. I was biting my tongue and laughing as the kid skulked back tot he dugout.
While I don’t condone doing this at any higher level, it’s just human nature for an official to get pissed if a player/team keeps bitching and moaning. Maybe the Cubs will never learn, but they’ve got to start wondering why it seems like they get the short end of a lot of calls.
That being said, Bruce Froemming still sucks.
I agree with Chuck, in that I will have fonder memories of Dwight Smith than the ones I will have of LaTroy Hawkins.
And I have fonder memories of Hitler than I do of Sosa, but neither Andy nor Chuck will go with me on this one…
Oh yeah, Andy, I AM with you on the Logan Tom question. OVER-RATED-clap-clap-clap…
I also have Paul Wilson(9-4 4.54 ERA) in third place for the NL CY Young. I am a moran.
Hitler? No. Hitler wins and Ivy Chat is, litterally, gassed.
Now had you said Musolini….
Come on, go with the matchups, it’s not even close.
First base
Derrek Lee v. JT Snow
Remember when JT saved Darren Baker’s life in the World Series? Derrek Lee never did that.
Advantage: Giants
Second base
Mark Grudzielanek v. Ray Durham
Durham’s fast.
Advantage: Giants
Shortstop
Nomar Garciaparra v. Neifi Perez
Nomar’s only got one good leg. Neifi’s got two!
Advantage: Giants
Third base
Aramis Ramirez v. Edgardo Alfonso
Alfonso’s gutty and gritty, Aramis just get hits. What’s up with that? No gut, no grit?
Advantage: Giants
Left Field
Moises Alou v. Barry Bonds
Moises always plays great against his dad!
Advantage: Cubs
Center Field
Corey Patterson v. Marquis Grissom
Grissom’s a veteran!
Advantage: Giants
Right Field
Sammy Sosa v. Michael Tucker
Sosa’s in a slump and he’s done. He’ll never come out of it.
Advantage: Giants
Catcher:
Michael Barrett v. AJ Pierzynski
AJ’s got a great attitude and he’s a lefty!
Advantage: Giants
Pitchers
Jason Schmidt v. Mark Prior
Schmidt’s the best and Prior just got lucky last year. He stinks!
Advantage: Giants
Kirk Rueter v. Kerry Wood
Rueter’s got more wins than any lefty other than Randy Johnson and Tom Glavine the past seven years. That mean’s he’s great!
Advantage: Giants
Noah Lowry v. Matt Clement
The Cubs never score when Clement pitches so Lowry’s better!
Advantage: Giants
Brett Tomko v. Carlos Zambrano
Zambrano’s too excitable to win games down the stretch. Not like me, who always kept my emotions in check.
Advantage: Giants
Tyler Walker v. Greg Maddux
Maddux is old and doesn’t strike enough guys out.
Advantage: Giants
Bench:
The Giants have guys like Deivi Cruz and Pedro Feliz and the Cubs have Lenny Harris and Rick Wrona and Doug Dascenzo. I hate Doug Dascenzo.
Advantage: Giants
Bullpen:
So what if the Giants are using Dustin Hermanson as a closer and Matt Herges can’t get anybody out. The Cubs don’t have Bruce Sutter anymore.
Advantage: Giants
Manager:
Dusty Baker can’t fill out IRS forms, and if he was so good why did the Giants want Felipe instead?
Advantage: Giants
See, so it’s 15-1 Giants. They’ll win the Wild Card by like 14 games.
Honestly, look at that Giants team. They couldn’t win the Pacific Coast League wild card berth.
Did you read this today? I wrote about how I miss Ralph Wiley so much it made me want to cry.
http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=simmons/mini-cowbell/040816
Even though I never met him. But I did e-mail him a couple times.
Bill! How have you been?
I’ve assigned Karry to interview Logan Tom. How much you want to bet we get an interview with Tom Wopat, instead?
Simmons,
You cry over the loss of a guy you didn’t even know, and all you have for me, your favorite Red Sox player of the last 20 years is contempt?
Then again, you do hang out with Jimmy Kimmel’s cousin Sal. So there’s that. You dumbass.
Dolan, you know I look more like Wopat than Tom does.
Jimmy can get the big outs!
Can’t wait to run home tonight for the big Amanda Beard race.
As you know, I’d never have been on the Jennie Finch All-Stars. I’ve always been hot.
Can’t say the same for that overrated little bitch, Janet Evans, though.
Look at those teeth! Trust me guys, you don’t want to go there.
When did John Elway get log, black hair and an Olympic patch?
I even don’t mind watching big beefie lesbos swat at softballs, especially when it’s Leah O’Brien-Amico’s turn at the dish.
And, she’s married! Has a kid-n-everything.
And looks like lotsa Prozac, too.
Hey, Sloth? So do I…
#66…Summer’s always been in contention for a medal in my book.
I have no boobs, but when I lay like this you’re not going to complain!
Sure, I’m hot hot, but I do have a wedgie!
Hahahaha!!!!!
See what a network will line you up with if you are a comedian trying to live off Jerry Seinfeld’s coattails?
Like I could land snatch like that in any other universe!
Tell me about it, Kevin!
Dolan,
I’m gonna need a job after I realize nobody will give me one now that I’ve quit CBS.
How about BC and I write some sort of cool column where we trade e-mails all day?
Love,
Craiggers
http://www.eonline.com/News/Items/0,1,14720,00.html
I don’t know, Craig, you’d be hard-pressed to come up with anything more eye-opening and insightful than B.C.’s "We must play better than we are now to win the games we should to win the Wild Card."
AAUGGHHH!!!!
Is that Jamie? Try meeting her in person. Hell, try spending time with her, her two brothers and her mon and dad!
Well, actually they are all cool. But back in her Square Pegs days, when we were in High School and she dated my friend, she was a raving psychopath.
Ah, what Maine East high school does to a kid. Same place as Harrison Ford.
Figures!
How is that statement wrong #77?
The Cubs are 3-6 in the last nine. That looks like a Wild Card-winning strategy, right?
The Cubs won’t win anything if they don’t start playing smart baseball. Of course, finding a guy in the bullpen who can get some outs would be nice too.
I don’t think the Giants are that great a team, and I think their lack of starting pitching after Schmidt will catch up with them. However, they have eleven straight games with Arizona and Colorado starting on the 31st, and they also get a three-game series at Milwaukee after the end of that stretch. That’s why the Cubs need to have a lead of some significance over the Giants after the next two weeks (The Giants play MON (4), NYM, at FLA, at ATL (4) during this stretch, while the Cubs get MIL and HOU in home-and-homes). The good part about the Giants’ remaining schedule is the fact that if they don’t do as well as they should against those two teams, they have a very tough finish. Here’s the end to their schedule:
SD
HOU
LA
at SD
at LA
Not pretty.
Now the Padres also get some Arizona and Colorado, but not as much as the Giants, and not right in a row like SF does. Their next two weeks are somewhat difficult. They face ATL, FLA, at NYM (4), and at MON. And that’s before a three-game series at STL on the 31st of August, and Sept. 1 and 2. However, remember, teams can expand to 40 players on Sept. 1, and I would never put it past LaRussa to stick it to Baker and put in all scrubs against the Padres. I’m not saying he will, I’m just saying I wouldn’t be surprised if he did. My concern about the Padres is the fact they play Arizona six times in the last nine games. Yes, they also play LA and SF in home-and-homes in the last six series, but those Arizona games could end up being the difference.
Here is the end to the Padres’ schedule, after the Sept. 2 game against STL:
COL
STL
at COL (4)
at LA (4)
at SF
LA
ARZ
SF
at ARZ
—–
In the end, here’s what you hope. It’s somewhat likely either SD or SF will fall out of serious contention, because they play each other down the stretch. SD has played very well against SF so far this year. And, if SF doesn’t do a good job in that COL and ARZ I’ve been talking about, they are pretty much done in my book.
That leaves the Padres, who do have six with the Cardinals and seven with the Dodgers. I would like to say that alone should hurt them, but those six Arizona games in the last nine could give them a chance to come back and win the race if they get behind.
They do have two 10-game road trips left, and that is a positive from the Cubs’ perspective.
The Cubs have one (at CIN, at PIT, and at NYM in late September) and the Giants don’t have any, in case you were wondering.
CORRECTION…
In my last post I included this statement:
"Now the Padres also get some Arizona and Colorado, but not as much as the Giants, and not right in a row like SF does."
The last part of that statement is right, but the middle part of it is not. The Padres have 13 games against COL and ARZ left, the Giants only have 11. I had flip-flopped those totals for the two-teams while writing it down earlier this evening. My mistake.
The key is to end the season with more wins than the other Wild Card competitors.
Hey Chuck, when were you at Maine East? Class of ’90 here…
B.C., I will give you one less thing to obsess and conspiracy-theorize over in every post.
I will continue "resting" (quotes yours) players, as I have throughout the season. Any manager with a 14-game lead at this point in the season would be a fool not to use the lead to his advantage.
So when you see John Mabry in the lineup instead of Rolen in the coming weeks, believe it or not, it may have absolutely nothing to do with the Cubs or Dusty Baker.
And if I want to take it a step further and rest my whole lineup when we play the Padres, why would that be such a crime?
All managers give their players more days off against opponents outside the division. If I feel the Padres would be an inferior playoff opponent and I have games in hand, why shouldn’t I do what’s best for my team and give an inferior playoff contender a leg up on the big-$ Cubs?
The Cards have one hell of a deal with the devil. That game last night showed it. Suppan threw so many hanging fastballs. The Reds were hitting the ball very hard, but it was always right at someone. Lassie got spiked (that was hilarious), he also has some serious gray racing stripes on the side of that mullet. Pujols an d Walker are just old. The Isy man is just about to have his arm fall off. And the umps just seem to stretch the corners a bit for the Cards. Life is good for the Satanic Red Fowl. CAUTION: doom is lying ahead. Pujols is limping, Lassie is due to break a wrist on one of his pull-up plays, Karen Carpenter is already shot, Pujols’ pulling foot on 1st base will be call soon safe, medicare will be avaiable to half the team soon, the urine smell always gets old, the genius will forget his sunglasses for night games, and Matty Mo will blow a gasket when the genius tells him he will be in the pen for the post-season, and the worst Rick Ankiel is coming!!!!! Have fun Card fans, but the World Series can’t be won in August or September. Just do the Cub fans one favor beat the Padres at least three times. Then we will see you in October.
Oleg:
Drop me an e-mail (I would have e-mailed you had you left an address).
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