Hello again, everybody, your old friend Karry Ling here from Athens, Greece and if you missed me the last couple of days…well, you’re probably alone.

I don’t mean on missing me, I mean you are probably literally alone. You probably live in a studio apartment and cook grilled cheese sandwiches on the radiator while you watch the Weather Channel just hoping that Alexandra Steele is doing the late night shift.

How much of that was out loud? Anyway, back in the states you guys got to enjoy another thrilling Cubs win. That’s seven of their last eight. Apparently all they needed was for me to leave the country. Andy has suggested I stay over here until the Cubs win the World Series. I said that I didn’t think I had another 70 years in me.

This is how screwed up things are over here. I read a report about the 4-2 Cubs win yesterday…and get this…they got confused and said that Paul Bako hit a home run. Oh, sure, and I suppose next you’ll tell me that Ricky Williams is ready to unretire. Whatever.

OK, before we get to today’s Dose, I have some housecleaning to do. First, I better post a photo of weather hottie Alexandra Steele…

Then, I’d better run my own promo…

The Olympics are starting to wind down and we’re pretty much just left with track and field and the gold medal games in the team sports. Pepe and I were at the US-Spain men’s basketball game today and one thing I can’t get used to is that when the Spanish, Argentinian and Serbian-Montenegroes all play, there’s a lot of smoke on the court. It’s not from special effects or a pyrotechnic player introduction or anything, it’s from the players actually smoking on the bench. Apparently before the Sydney games the IOC really cracked down and banned smoking during play. That’s good because really no game should have rules that include a two-shot foul and the ball back if you are intentionally burned by another player’s Marlboro.

But the guys on the bench smoke like a French whorehouse. I’d hate to be the ball boys for those teams because when they call a timeout you have to be “chop-chop” with the cups of coffee and fresh smokes. One of the bad habits players on those teams who’ve made it in the NBA have is that they’ll drink half the cup of coffee and spit out the other half. Nothing better than paying $800 for a courtside seat only to get some 170 degree Folgers spat onto your leg.

The game this morning was exciting. It was close throughout even though the US was (finally) unconscious from downtown. Even Stephon Marbury hit one. In fact, he made six of nine. That’s even more ludicrous than Bako’s homer.

The main problem the US team has is that it can’t play defense. It’s pathetic. Check out the box score, Ivan Calderon scored 19 points for Spain…and he’s dead! That…that’s not good.

But the US advanced and is in the semi-finals, where they’ll play either Argentina or Greece. Argentina has the Spurs’ Manu Ginobili and the Bulls’ Andres Nocioni and Greece of course has John Travolta and Olivia Newton-John! Oh, that joke never gets old. Alex Kaseberg e-mailed me that one. Great stuff.

Pepe and I were out at the track and field venu the other night and we saw history made. A guy named Jeremy Wariner won the 400 meter dash. What’s so surprising about this? Take a look…

No, it’s not Vanilla Ice…it’s a white sprint champion!

Speaking of racing, here in Greece you can bet on anything. In fact, there are betting windows inside the track and field venue and you can bet on the races just like at Arlington, back home. Pepe and I disagree on race strategy.

For instance…

Pepe is not a fan of my “bet on the guy who takes the longest pee before the race” strategy. I know for a fact it works with the greyhounds. I won the equivalent of $800 American dollars on Jeremy Wariner because I happened to be in the locker room just before he went out for the race. He went into the bathroom and it sounded like me on a Sunday morning after a two-quart Wild Turkey Saturday.

This is where my little problem came in. I wanted to let it ride on the 800 meters for women. I had a hunch on a nag named Maria Mutola from Mozambique…

So I used my field pass to try and befriend her. I offered her several bottles of GatorAde and she just kind of gave me a dirty look. Well, about ten minutes before her race she headed for the bathroom. Pepe was pretty sure some lady from Great Britain was the nag to beat, but I had a good feeling about Mutalo. I just needed to know if my “strategy” applied here.

So when she ducked into the ladies’ rocker room, I followed. Now, it’s not as bad as you think. There is a designated interview area in that room, so journalists of all genders (man, woman, Romanian) are allowed access.

However, I may…and I stress MAY…have left that area, and according to court reports I may have been perched, squatting with my feet on the toilet bowl lid of the toilet next to Mutola’s stall. That may have happened.

I may also have lost my balance and fallen through the partition onto Maria. She may also have kicked me in the groin with enough force that like Aramis Ramirez I can not run out the beatable grounders for a while.

My stay in the Athens holding cell was brief considering my bail was set at the exact amount I won on White Lighting there…Mr. Wariner. So all in all it was a wash.

Pepe’s nag won, and I’m sure the stream of toilet paper stuck to Mutalo’s shoe probably slowed her just enough that it MAY have been a factor.

In the meantime there’s another quarterfinal hoops game going on, and I’m going to see if I can bum a smoke off the Montenegroes third string center.

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Editor’s note: Karry insists it’s “proper” to refer to people from Montenegro as Montenegroes. We have our doubts. But then, it’s a lot less offensive than the first draft he sent over.

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Will the Cubs retaliate with the Astros for Sunday’s smoking of Mike Barrett by Roy Oswalt? It’s possible. The Cubs announced today that Ramon Tatis has been activated for the weekend series. That joke probably only amuses me, and it certainly doesn’t amuse Jim Riggleman.

Umpire Mark Wegner’s still sure that Gruddy’s ball was fair. Looked good to me, too.

Dusty had his reasons for taking out Maddux yesterday. Nobody said they were good. Just that he had them.

Gabor got the silent treatment when he homered yesterday. It was a stunned silent treatment.

The Bears offensive coaches insist they won’t miss Marty Booker because they’re going to mainly throw to Thomas Jones and Desmond Clark or Dustin Lyman. Oooh, what’s the number for playoff tickets?

Mike Downey’s coma lifted in time for him to watch Andres Nocioni.

Mike Kiley is trying to come up with a cute nickname for Corey Patterson. Ugh. Try again.

Gabor says that Dusty’s August 17 meeting with the players turned it around. They’re 7-1 since then and should have won the one they lost.

Corey’s got four coaches working with him. And we were going to give Gail Fischer all the credit.

Moises doesn’t like talking to the media. He just likes yelling at Chip and Steve. I can’t blame him.

Take that you dirty Spaniards!

Wow the Cubs would have to fire their PA guy every time they knock the other team’s starter out of a game.

Wow…Jon Stewart actually fared worse than John Kerry did.

OK, let me get this straight. It’s now legal, if you’re a lesbian, to stab a man having consensual sex with your supposed lesbian lover?

We had a three legged dog named Rex, and he was pretty amazing. But this…this is beyond that.

Sky News claims Nicole Kidman weighs 112 pounds.

The world’s greatest newspaper with a guy who can speak French. Out of his butt. Is there any other way?