Did I miss something? Did I smoke some crack in a hotel room with Ken Caminiti, fall down, hit my head and wake up ten years later and miss a long, run of easy earned Cubs success? How many pennant runs was I denied while my body kept itself alive on whatever nutrients were left in my tissue and whatever it could suck out of the carpet at the El Rancho DeLuxe Motel in Coon Squalor, Texas?
We like to make fun of the well-meaning, but impossibly daft over-reactionairies at CubsTalk.com, but lately, Desipio’s taking on a tinge of self-loathing pessimism that we just don’t need.
Three examples.
1. Baker Basher made his triumphant return yesterday during the Cubs win over the Expos in gay Quebec. I don’t have any problems with somebody voicing their own opinions, but I do wonder what motivates somebody to constantly subject himself to something that so obviously pains him. It just seems like if you’re watching the Cubs and your only motivation is to predict bad things will happen to them so that if you’re right it will help take your pain away…well buddy, that’s what God invented alcohol for.
2. Say, hypothetically, that you are, yourself, a Cubs blogger and that you have what you imagine is a under-read gem of a site and so you post here to raise your profile. Hypothetically, of course. Hey, I understand that tactic. Hell, I got most of my readership after befriending them on the “Mary Kate and Ashley Super Cool Pre-Teen Fun Site” message boards back in the day. And hypothetically, say you ask a rhetorical question that ends up breaking the rhetorical ground rules and gets an answer, but you don’t think your rhetorical question was (hypothetically, now) not answered appropriately. So you continue to ask…
Well Chuck, the reason I think the Cubs can go 20-10 in the final four weeks of the season, even though they haven’t gone 20-10 in any thirty game stretch this year is that last year they went 19-8 in September against a similar schedule (with a less talented team) even though they were a scant three games over when the month began. That’s how. Wow, your wife is either a saint, or Helen Keller to put up with the screaming blatherings of an ill-mannered baby…and your kid.
3) Why does everybody expect this to be easy? These are the Cubs. Nothing they do is easy. Heck, they can’t even go play a simple three-game series in Florida because Mother Nature decided to mess with them. I’ve been a Cubs fan for as long as I can remember (which, thanks to my friendship with Ken is getting shorter and shorter all the time) and I’m actually trying to enjoy the fact that they’re good. Sure, they’re not as good as we thought they’d be at this point, but they’re still better than just about everybody else in the National League, and if the playoffs started today (yes, of course, everyone would be surprised) they’d be in them. These are the Cubs. They haven’t made consecutive playoff appearances since Roosevelt was the president!
Teddy Roosevelt!
How can you not enjoy this?
You don’t have to be a Pollyanna. You don’t have to just assume that everything’s going to come out right. But how can you get any enjoyment out of it if you just try make yourself mad at the world?
Case in point. Of all the current Cubs, there’s only one who I have any kind of enduring loathing for. It’s not Gabor. It’s not his fault he’s not good at playing baseball. He even seems to be a genuinely nice guy and that he tries hard. It’s fun to make fun of him, and so, I do. It’s not Corey, who apparently is no longer allowed to struggle even for a three game series. It’s not Sammy, but you all knew that. It’s just Chip. He’s the only cast member of the 2003 and 2004 Cubs who has no redeeming qualities.
There’s a difference between disagreeing with a move or a play and complaining about it and disagreeing with a move or play and immediately demanding the offender be disemboweled. Try and get a friggin’ grip.
And with that…
The Cubs won two of three in Montreal, despite the fact that their offense was held up in customs. They endured a 24 inning scoreless streak and only broke out of it when Claudio Vargas (didn’t he used to be the sidekick on Vega$?) threw one to Saskatchewan with the bases loaded. LaTroy got LaWin and of course made it LaExciting by getting shelled in the bottom of the 11th. After the game, the Cubs looked like the soldiers in “Band of Brothers” after the Germans got done bombing Bastogne.
However, thanks to former Cub (well, in Spring Training anyway) Jamey Wright, who beat the Giants last night, and the Satanic Red Fowl who beat the Padres, the Cubs are alone atop the Wild Card standings again.
The feeling seems to be that the Cubs aren’t playing well. But they’ve won ten of their last fifteen games. Come on, these are the Cubs, they know how to slump. They do it with style. In 1999 and 2000 they managed to roll of streaks where they lost 40 of 50 games…each year. Now that’s collapsing with panache.
When will they play next? The best guess now is that Hurricane Psycho will rain out at least Friday’s game and if Joe Robbie/Pro Player/Wanny Hare Lip/Stadium is still standing the Cubs and Marlins might get to play a single game on Saturday with a doubleheader on Sunday. That’s best case right now. I think that MLB should send the Cardinals down there to fly their team plane around in the hurricane and make sure it’s safe. But that’s probably not going to happen.
—
Speaking of the Satanic Red Fowl, Rick Ankiel is back in the big leagues and you’ll hear a lot of pundits talk about how “everybody is rooting for him.” Not everybody. I hope he flames out again. I think it’s hilarious that he has mentally and physically fallen apart. I don’t think it’s a tragedy. There’s a difference between comedy and tragedy. Comedy is when Rick Ankiel’s career falls apart before your very eyes, tragedy is when a Cubs player has a hangnail. See the difference?
—
The Cubs took a little extra time to finally, freakin’ score. But Kerry Wood was tremendous last night.
The Cubs think Ben Grieve will be a power threat off the bench. The Cubs also think that Laura Brangian will have another big hit.
The Cubs are all hanging out at Sammy’s today eating popcorn and watching the Weather Channel.
Phil Rogers says the team with the best record in the AL won’t quit. Wow, he’s deep, huh?
Warrick Holdman wants some revenge. For what, for the Bears overpaying him the last two years?
Rex will get to play the whole first quarter tomorrow night. Oh, goody!
Mariotti puts down the doughnut to tell us everything he knows about sex. Which, predictably is nothing.
Moron Hurricane Psycho.
Great, now Psycho is screwing with Monday Night Football: College Version.
The Wizard of Roz says that Brooks Boyer is doing a great job! He thinks his two best things are the cheesy, horrible, embarassing, individual player intros and a gimmick that hasn’t happened yet. Wow.
Say so long to Tim Salmon’s baseball career.
Deion says he never tried to make himself a big deal, the fans and media did it for him. That’s right, even though he gave himself his own nickname. The best thing about having him back in the NFL is that we don’t have to hear him on the CBS pregame.
Sports Guy thinks the Nomar trade is why the Sox are winning. I say they’re winning in spite of it. Regardless, the Cubs are happy as hell that the trade happened.
America’s finest news source with shocking details of what investigators found at the Neverland Ranch.
Ahhhhhh. That’s more like it. Thanks, Andy.
Are you looking for a membership in my Powderpuff Posse, Andy?
Good Dose.
Dose with Vega$ reference = OUTSTANDING
Couldn’t stand the hum drum games at Olympic Stadium….
It makes for terrible tv and terrible radio….
Good riddance to that team and good riddance to having to watch another game there….
I’ll settle for Sargent at Arms of the Powderpuff Posse.
You, gentle sir, have hit the nail on the head.
Last night’s Dose that had a GameCast tacked on the end of it with a rivet gun showed many a fan who are waiting for the right moment to bite down on his cyanide tooth.
Please bite down now, and no longer subject other fans to your fatalistic eye-rolling and breathless "We suck! Yay, us!" fanaticism.
Those that enjoy competitive baseball and the nifty turns and nuances of an extra inning game can all relax and watch, free of the whining and wailing brought down by the likes of the Freakout Fan.
Andy’s got it right today. If’n you don’t agree, you have little to be happy about with this team.
Andy Dolan for President!
Andy,
Thanks for your props in your dose today.
I do admit lately I have been a little amped up.
I’ve been a fan for as long as I can remember also.
But it’s like this upcoming election, people do question certain moves and actions. That’s just human nature.
You are right however about the Cubs being the Cubs. Nothing is easy and we all know that about these guys.
We all need to sit back and try to enjoy this run like last year.
Last year was such a joy and this year just seems like such torture.
But for the positives, Dolan is right about where we’ve come this year.
We’ve been dealt with a lot of adversity with all these injuries, especially to a starting pitching staff that could have been dominant.
I do believe that we are going to pull this thing off. Some how, some way we will be playing in Oct.
There will however, be a lot of alcohol drank before then and hopefully after in celebration.
GO CUBS!
I think I may have offended the baseball, or at least the Desipio, gods…
I am sicker than a dog today…
Dose with Band of Brothers reference=uh, more outstanding.
I think the thing that drives some of the folks ledge-ward is the fact that when the Cubs have a bad game or two, they do it with style. They strike out a lot. They don’t get enough hits ("inexcusable"). When they do manage to eke out a hit, they run the bases like a seven-and-under tee ball team. They don’t catch the ball. They miss the cut-off man (okay, they always miss the cut-off man). The starter gets torched or walks the world. If the starter manages to keep them in the game, the bullpen implodes.
When the Cubs look bad, they look really, really bad. In the past people expected it and lived with it. Now they have hopes and, gasp, expectations of success. When the team doesn’t live up to those expectations, they panic and bleat and whine and turn on the team. With any luck they will actually throw themselves off the ledge before the playoffs start–with the Cubs facing the Braves.
Watching a team go scoreless for 24 innings is fun? Reading about mindless carping at the press from millionaire ballplayers is fun? Winning is fung. Fung is winning. But this team hasn’t been fung at all.
I actually think my blog sucks.
Vega$, however, RAWK!!!
Dan Tanna? THAT’S a show that needs a DVD release!!!
ESPN2 thinks that September equals World Cup Hockey.
Yikes. I’m going to eat lunch.
You like me! You really like me!
What, no love for Bobby Urich’s OTHER ABC drama?
How about that hot babe Judy Landers in the "Vegas" series? Didn’t she marry Tom Niedenfuer?
I love The Weather Channel! Where are my favorite babes Alexandra Steele and Stephanie Abrams?
Oh, and CNN has the hottest babe in news: Heidi Collins!
Great dose today Andy! I know the basher well. He only talks that way when he is sober. When drunk he is a reasonable guy..well as reasonable as he can be. He does like to make a large amount of bad predictions for the Cubs. I think he does this in order to make it more enjoyable when the Cubs do not screw up. Let’s face it, if the Cubs didn’t f-up, it wouldn’t be as much fun. Plus the basher went to college at the univesity of louisville. He lived on the left handed tobacco. So that might be some reasons for his horseshit attitude.
Ahhh the good old days of the Mary Kate and Ashley Super Cool Pre-Teen Fun Site. I remember Stamos Basher on there just relentlessly hammering away on John after he cut his hair. And remember Charles, who alway would rail on The Joey Gladstone character becuase he thought that a comedian should always be funny, and not have a streak of lame jokes. How about that CB guy, when he would start to go off on Danny Tanner’s lack of common sense when handing out parental advice/punishment.
Yes those were the good old days…
we helping again…
Marlins 4
Mets 0
oh sh*t, we’re sorry.
Hola…I’m Moises Alou, and I approve of this message.
http://news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&cid=1517&u=/afp/20040902/od_afp/thailand_urine_offbeat_040902151155&printer=1
Hey Mets, if you guys want to re-pay us, just put out another clunker of a series against us. We’ll forgive you.
Mets-Marlins: Florida is now winning 5-4, top of the 7th, and the Mets have left on 3 in the last 2 innings.
All against the great Carl Pavano, another one of Chip’s favorite pitchers.
On Monday did anyone hear me call Gabor Bako, "a baseball player", when he let the grounder to thrid hit him. Gabor is lucky he got back to the bag. Plus I don’t think Gabor really wanted to get hit by the ball.
Well, you may as well pack it in fans, I mean if the lead singer of a horrible band can’t handicap the Wild Card race, who can?
http://sports.yahoo.com/mlb/news;_ylc=X3oDMTBqdjIzNzFqBF9TAzk1ODYxNzc3BHNlYwNlY2w-?slug=jm-nlwild&prov=yhoo&type=lgns
Also, Prior needs to start taking steroids again, pronto, if he hopes to have any success this year.
Come on Dolan, besides the execrable Chipster, you have to admit Alou is worth unmitigated venom as well. He’s a hothead, he’s dumb as a post, he can’t field, can’t run, and pees on himself. For this and the occasional home run, we pay him $9MM and get to take side bets for every at-bat whether he grounds out meekly to 3B, or pops up gently to the right side.
I hate, loathe and despise Moises Alou.
B.C.–You’re sick? In summer? And you’re young? That’s inexcusable.
For a collegiate fellow such as yourself to be layed low in the cold- and flu-free season is terrible. There’s no excuse for that.
I am the Kyle Farnsworth of the Mets. Where’s that fan?
We tremble after that performance by Tyler Yates…
Hey, how ’bout some pics of Heidi Collins buddy?
JH, you’re probably right…
I used to have a bad allergy problem when I was younger… It has gotten better as time has gone on, but I still get something from time to time.
Considering I was perfectly fine yesterday and am now sneezing and coughing to death while feeling terribly drowsy today, I have to think it is allergy-related.
Either that or Moises peed on me while I slept.
Samuel, you mean her, right?
Cute. You can definitely do worse. And for TV, well, unless you exclude Fox News Channel’s blondes she is close to the top of the list.
Cancelled, no make up date yet. No Cubs for two days, ooh what will we do?
B.C.–No, it might be a dreaded late-summer head cold. My wife metamorphasized into a sniffling, coughing, sneezing tornado in the span of 30 minutes right before my eyes Tuesday night. She’s been miserable since.
With the impending weather change, I’d say get the Kleenex ready, as your head will be plugged more than Paris Hilton has been.
I’m Fox News Chicago’s morning weather bimbo. You all realize my little flirty routine each morning isn’t a routine at all. I want to have mad sex with each and every one of you dear viewers. The fact that I prance and sashay in front of the green weather screen like a beer slut is evidence that my legs will spread wider than the swath of angry dark red clouds that is Hurrican Frances.
Frances: Today I am aiming for Florida and Mother Nature says I can have anything I want.
Pee-wee: Good for you and your mother.
Frances: So guess what I want.
Pee-wee: A new brain?
Frances: No. Your bike!
Well, Zeile and Wright tried to make it interesting, but Mets lose, 9-6.
Here I am on the web!
I’m saddened. I can’t find a picture of Leigh with Mark Prior. I thought The Franchise had taken a picture with every Chicago-area personality possible…
I did find this gem though:
I may be young, but here is the number one lesson about women that I have already learned:
They make take pictures with you, they make talk with you, they may even be friendly with you. However, that does not necessarily equal them liking you.
And you thought I was jaded about the Cubs.
Yuck! There are two "makes" in that last post that shouldn’t be in there. It should say "may". I am once again showing my GREAT proof-reading skills on this site.
And, just so you know, I have not given up on the pursuit of women. I have just decided to take a short break on that one…
Did Carlos’ dad take her?
Hey, BC! Take JH’s advice and get some Kleenex!
Ummm, Brian. You missed your appointment today.
Well, at least we know #45’s post is definitely an attempt at a (bad) joke.
I’m a college student, you think I can AFFORD a psychotherapist?!?!?
Heck, I barely even have enough coins to pay for parking on the meters down here in Champaign.
and yet he has a car. Poor impoverished child.
Two jokes in a row in Roz’s columns and nobody is taking any shots? I must be losing my touch.
Alex, you never had any touch.
BC, you can always head over to McKinley, I’m sure they’ve got a free hack psychologist on staff there.
The car has over 110,000 miles on it. It still runs pretty well, but it’s not like it’s a new Porsche or something.
Looks as if CT is familiar with the UI campus a little bit. Let’s hope I never have to see a psychologist.
#47, yeah, only very wealthy people in America have cars.
BC, I’m familiar with the campus, I was there from 93-98 getting a BA. My wife (also ’98) and I are hoping to get down there for the Illinois/Michigan tilt this year. Nothing like watching the alma mater get it’s ass kicked on a beautiful fall Saturday.
Here’s a link to a column that I write for the Illini Board. If any of the jokes are really bad, Alex Kaseberg wrote them.
I believe the Vegas line on that Illinois/Michigan game has Michigan favored by, oh, 209 points.
Good dose Andy! And of course anyday that you bash on idiot child Chip is a good day!!
GO CUBS!!!!!!
#10: Like a good cabernet, the BoB reference can only be considered outstanding in ten more years.
Laura, since I only drink Night Train, I can appreciate it now.
Did he refer to me?
BoB
…I for one would like further B.C. health updates…and I’m still an assclown…
Man, how could our kicker miss 5 field goals?
At least Illinois hasn’t had a kicker miss 5 FG’s. Yet.
Why in the world would you want health updates if you don’t like me, #58?
Have you ever heard of sarcasm and/or irony? I’m also an assclown.
Now THAT’S sarcasm.
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