The Cubs did everything right last night (well, except for Ryan Dempster–the man who perfected Chip’s “rocket shot” call) and inched another half game closer to the Giants in the wild card.
The Marlins moved eight miles south and played before the largest crowd at US Cellular this year (about 5,000), and thanks to an eighth inning that would have made the Expos “honorary Cubs” the Fish survived a shutout bid by Sun Woo Kim Woo.
The news on Nomar is that he’s out at least five days, which given the track record of this Cubs’ training staff means he’ll be ready for action on Bulls’ opening night.
But the Cubs are now winners of three of their last four and with 21 games left, baseball sage Steve Stone thinks 13-8 the rest of the way will get it done.
Thirteen and eight? Wouldn’t that scenario also include the Marlins and Giants planes crashing into each other?
Whatever the number, it just seems obvious that the Cubs are going to tease us all the way. They got dazzling play out of Neifi Perez again last night (I’m sure that’s going to last) and even Gruddy got into the act. The Pirates were ready to go without a peep until Dempster’s arrival, whom they used for batting practice. But thanks to consecutive diving plays from E-ramis, Neifi and Derrek Lee, Dempster survived and only gave up two runs.
Intrepid reader Chris Troha passed along this from today’s Feder column :
*While he considers a contract renewal offer (and a raise) from WGN-Channel 9, Cubs play-by-play announcer Chip Caray is free to entertain offers elsewhere. This week marks the end of Caray’s exclusive negotiating period with the Tribune Co.-owned flagship station.
Grandson of the late, legendary Hall of Fame announcer Harry Caray, Chip Caray has occupied the Cubs broadcast booth since 1998.
Don’t get too excited. Just like the Cubs offering Chip a contract to meet the first deadline, it makes business sense for Chip (and his agent, assuming there’s a person who would actually want to sit down in a room with him) to let him out on the open market. You would hope that somewhere, preferably in Florida, there’s a team dumb enough to hire him. If his imaginary family is actually real, wouldn’t Chip want to move closer to them? Tampa and Miami both have teams, couldn’t one of them open the check book and steal away the world’s greatest announcer? (Flinch, flinch, gag, gag).
The Dose has to be short today, so I’ll leave you with this:
Mariotti put down the doughnut today to announce he’s now rooting for the Marlins.
With no apologies whatsoever to the Cubs, I am rooting for the competition. That’s how warmed I am by the saga of the Florida Marlins, Chicago’s house guests, who’ve been burdened by a real-life ordeal yet are handling it with all the stress of frat guys on a panty raid.
First off, Mariotti once went on a panty raid and this what happened:
Secondly, are we really surprised that the biggest windsock in all media has now jumped on the Marlins bandwagon. He’s so impressed with how they’ve handled the Hurricanes. What are they supposed to say?
“This sucks, I mean it’s obvious that the hurricanes are just a plot to keep us from winning, and if our fans weren’t too dumb to live on a little strip of land sticking out into the Atlantic we’d be in a city where rotation weather patterns didn’t keep us from playing baseball…or keeping our lawn furniture?”
As for digging up the Steve Stone-Chip Caray v. the Cubs thing…again, we don’t expect Jay to keep doing it. Nah, he’ll stop sometime in September…of 2006.
The world’s greatest newspaper found an island full of trannys in the the Pacific.
Who didn’t see that Moronatti column coming as soon as they said the Fish would be playing at Comiskular?
Go check yesterday’s dose, comment no. 56. I really went out on a limb with that one, huh?
Since the Dose is short today, here’s some Olympic humor to tide you over until 2006.
Here are the top nine comments made by sports commentators during
the 2004 Summer Olympics that they wish they could take back:
1. Weightlifting commentator: "This is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw
her snatch this morning during her warm up and it was amazing."
2. Dressage commentator: "This is really a lovely horse and I speak from
personal experience since I once mounted her mother."
3. Paul Hamm, Gymnast: "I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother
and father."
4. Boxing Analyst: "Sure there have been injuries, and even some deaths
in boxing, but none of them really that serious."
5. Softball announcer: "If history repeats itself, I should think we can
expect the same thing again."
6. Basketball analyst: "He dribbles a lot and the opposition doesn’t
like it. In fact you can see it all over their faces."
7. At the rowing medal ceremony: "Ah, isn’t that nice, the wife of the
IOC president is hugging the cox of the British crew."
8. Soccer commentator: "Julian Dicks is everywhere. It’s like they’ve
got eleven Dicks on the field."
9. Tennis commentator: "One of the reasons Andy is playing so well is
that, before the final round, his wife takes out his balls and kisses
them… Oh my God, what have I just said?"
Really, is it too much to ask that Chicago columnists actually pull for Chicago teams to make the playoffs? Anyone else catch Mariotti calling Raghib Ismail a former Heisman Trophy winner?
Why does he have a job?
#3, even I’m not sure why I have a job.
Perhaps Jay can stay on strike when the Sun-Times CNG writers walk on 9/30.
TJ, that will shut down his horrible column, but he’ll still have his horrible radio and TV shows.
That was a nice win last night. That’s rare that we can relax during a Cubs game. But of course, Dempster had to include a little drama.
Steve Stone says 13-8 is our magic number. I would say it is 14-7. That means the Cubs can lose at least one game per series from here on out. Surely, they can take a sweep or two of those series also to make up for the couple of games they throw away. You know those type of games-Where Clement only goes 2 innings, Alou gets thrown out twice on the bases, Sammy strikes out all 4 at bats, our bullpen walks in 2 runs and hits about 3 batters.
Well anyway, these Cubs need to get hot and last night was a good start. Let’s see how Clement pitches tonight. If he wins, then you know we are destine for a true winning streak. If not, then we’re back to our every other day we might play well and get a win.
13-8 takes the Cubs to 90 wins, that will get the job done. In fact, there is even a chance that 89 wins can do it, though there might be a tie at that point.
Astros must play Cards and Giants.
Giants must play Astros and Padres.
Padres must play Giants and Dodgers.
Marlins must play Phillies and Braves.
We’re in great shape if we record win #90.
Yeah, we’re real scared of the Phillies. We own those guys.
Steve seems to put 90 wins as the win total that will get the Wild Card.
I don’t think so.
Out of the Giants, Cubs, Marlins, and Astros, at least one of those teams will get to 92 or 93 wins.
It just depends what team gets hot starting, oh, now.
@#$@#! Payback’s a #$(&* bitch, Trader Jack! (#&$#(!
I wouldn’t be too confident at 13-8. 14-7 could be enough, but 15-7 would probably do it…
There are 6 teams to watch, including the Dodgers, who play the Giants 6 times and the Padres 6 times. Those games will be crucial to the Cubs hopes, as will the Cards-Astros games.
Anyway, the Marlins would have to finish 14-8, the Giants 10-8, Houston 11-7 and San Diego 12-6 for the Cubs to take the Wild Card. Houston has 6 games left with the Brewers, 6 with a possibly disinterested Cards team and 3 with the Rockies (along with 3 with the Giants). If the Dodgers collapse against the Padres and Giants and then beat up on the Rockies, you could have 3 teams in the west with 90 wins.
Anyway, 14-7 would mean 1 loss in each of the remaining series. If they get hot, 15-6 or even 16-5 wouldn’t be out of the question. Of course, so could 5-16, the way this team is.
Ah, shit, I have no idea… too many teams to keep track of right now!
I guess I should explain a tad more why I think 92 or 93 wins will get the WC.
In baseball, if you have a group of teams, over any stretch of time, you can pretty much guarantee that one fourth will be pretty good, one fourth will be pretty bad, and one half will be around average.
If more than one of the four teams plays over .600 in this stretch, then I will be surprised.
Yeah, that clarified a lot, B.C.
I like Scotch…..mmmmmm….scotch
1-0 Expos. Scott Downs can probably make that stand up.
When’s the last time I gave up a run in Chicago? I own this city
Did anyone see me get hit with a bat last night? More bad news for the Cubs- Marlins without me.
Hit with a bat? That’s nothing. Stay out of the Texas bullpen, Lenny.
Nice clarification, B.C.
13-8 = a .619 clip
You don’t think that would be enough but clarify that you will be surprised if you’re right.
6-1 Marlins. Nearly all the runs unearned after 2 outs, caused by an Alex Gonzalez error early in the inning.
Sorry, I just get nervous fielding grounders against the Marlins! I did earn some redemption by knocking in our 2nd run though.
Dammit! Where’s Bartman when I need him?
I think it is an eternally mind-wasting exercise to figure out exactly how many wins it will take to achieve the wild card, since there are 5-6 teams in the mix.
Let’s just say if they manage to win 92 games, that’s an extremely outstanding season, even if they do not get to participate in the post-season.
91, 90, 89, and 88 are iffy.
87 or less, and you can rightfully say they have regressed.
Yes, I said 92 wins is outstanding and 87 sucks.
Yes, I can count, I know that’s only 5 games.
Hey, I wanted 100 wins. 92 is a compromise, get it?
Actually Sloth, it’s easy. The Cubs have 21 games remaining. As it stands now, if they win every one of those games, they’re in. So right now, 98 wins will take the Wild Card.
92 wins includes finishing the season 15-6 (.714), putting pressure on the opposition.
87 is a milquetoast 10-11 to finish up when you have 5 games with Pittsburgh, 8 with the Reds and 3 with the Mets.
Sloth is right. Too many variables… But you could also go with magic numbers:
over SF/Fla: 21
Over Hou: 20
Over SD: 19
Over PHL: 16
Yes, I know i probably jinxed the Cubs with that, but there they are.
I wonder if the Expos are diving all over the ballpark at The Cell and playing their asses off like they did in Wrigley last week.
I wonder if MLB told Sleepin’ Frank Robby to tank it against the Marlins to pay back the Cubs for their boorish behavior.
I wonder if A-Gon thought "Here’s an error to show you ungrateful bastards".
Oh, and I like this quote from Clement regarding his neck injury in his last 2 starts:
“I don’t like to leave games,” he said. “I don’t think I’ve ever left two in a row.”
This would mean that Clement pitches a complete game at least every other start?
Am I the worst player in the major leagues?
No one with 25 HRs, no matter how putrid their fielding or their average, is in the running for worst player in the bigs. Wouldn’t you agree, Sammy?
MLB, knowing that the Marlins have far more power than the Expos, conspired to have a series of hurricanes batter Florida so that the Marlins could play against Montreal in a park that is far more friendly to the long ball.
3-run Homer to tie it at 6. Now spell my name right, you ungrateful bitches.
Put in on the board…Yes!!! Batista ties game with a three-run homer!!!
Hey Tony, win the f#cking game, then maybe we’ll bother to spell your name right.
Don’t worry, we’re going to give this one right back.
Nice fielding there, Tony.
Hi, you might not know me, but I’m batting for Les Expos with the bases loaded and 2 out in the ninth!
f-9 on a 2-2 pitch. You’re welcome, Cubs!
Cubs magic number to clinch at least a tie for the playoffs is 19.
http://riot.ieor.berkeley.edu/~baseball/national_league.html
Cubs magic number to clinch at least a tie for the playoffs is 19.
http://riot.ieor.berkeley.edu/~baseball/national_league.html
How did we lose to either of those teams?
Why aren’t any of you working?!?!?
Hey, boss. Clinch THIS!
#43, I’ve been asking these f**king C**ksuckers that question for 21 f**king years!
I’m satrting out the game like crap as usual, I walked Kendall and Wilson in the first.
The magic number of walks that Clement has given up.
Clement is such a skirt.
Anyone notice that if you shaved the putrid mullet from Craig Wilson, he looks just like Kerry Wood with his scrubby facial hair?
Great.
We are playing the Pirates and the wind is howling out.
Not only will we be subjected to "battling buccos" all night, but we’ll have at least one musing on if someone will hit the scoreboard tonight.
Yuck.
How many more times are we going to let the other team’s pitcher drive in runs?!?!?!?
I just gave up a 2 out rbi double to Josh Fogg.
I am something less than a man.
Then another 2 out hit. I’m actually wearing a bra under my uniform.
Then another! Remember when the game was scoreless and the pitcher was up with 2 outs?
Again – I am a fucking bitch. I can’t wait till I’m playing elsewhere, either.
Hey, that bra was expensive, give it back!
"Listen, pussy. You and I both know your f*ckin neck, back, shoulder, groin, achilles, BIG TOE are F.I.N.E. Quit whining, grow some balls, and start pitching instead of throwing the ball."
2003 season for Matt Clement
I wanna pitch!
Oooh ooh oh! Pick me, pick me!!
Watch out, I’m throwing in the pen!
Holy crap, Dusty picks Wuertz over me?
Methinks Matt Clement isn’t long for this game.
Now I can finally swap bras for a fresh one since mine is filled with sweat from throwing so many !#$damn pitches in the inning.
Someone say the wind is blowing out today, buddy? I think I can see Milwaukee from here…
By the way my strike zone is about the size of Milwaukee.
The Cubs are LYING!!!
My wife is NOT a doctor!
I think Steve Stone put that Ofman thing in the telecast just to irritate us.
Hey, it’s not bad baserunning if the umpire can’t see!
Good thing I used up my bone headed base running move on the previous play. I thought that was gonna drop for a single!
I will throw away this season with my baserunning.
I wonder when the last time was that I had Sosa sacrifice bunt…?
Who’s that hot guy over there? Oh, the Cubs? No, we’ve never been introduced.
That’s okay. I’m a figment of your imagination anyway.
Hey, that was a way to get two runners on with nobody out in to score!
Oh, wait, we couldn’t do jack in that situation AGAIN.
Yuck.
I’ve seen the Astros, the Devil Rays, the Cardinals, the Yankees, but not once have I seen the Cubs, I better ask my friend the losing streak to see if he has seen the Cubs
Sharon Ponazzo has a birthday?
Man, this could be a night from Hell for Dolan.
Cubs losing…
Ofman gets a plug from Steve Stone…
Ponazzo has a birthday…
Next thing we will know Dushku will announcer her engagement to a back-up photographer.
Oh yeah, I’ve seen the Cubs
Crap….there goes my neck muscle again.
I am a pussy. Plain and simple.
If I can’t walk someone, I just make an error
Man, that Matt Clementine sure is tearing it up tonight!
He hasn’t even hit yet! That’ll be fun?!?!?
Damn, Neifi. How am I supposed to get out of the game if outs keep getting made?? I better throw a wild pitch…
I probably will strikeout
If that pussy had been watching me bat yesterday instead of playing with himself, he’d hit a home run in this wind.
A 7-pitch inning with the wind blowing out?
Now THAT is the way to work the opposing pitcher.
Brother…
Stuff it, Chicago. We’re going to lose to Houston all month just to piss you off.
This should be no surprise, considering the way this season has gone:
Houston 6
St. Louis 1
Top 4th
Yikes.
And Lee hits into a double play to end the 4th.
Of course, with the wind blowing out, the Cubs will end up not scoring. Because they are the Cubs.
We saw five pitches in the fifth inning.
FIVE PITCHES!!!
Hello?!?!? Is there anybody home on this team’s offense?
How in the world does this happen?
Man, the Cubs sure pick the right times to suck.
Another dumb comment by Chip caray
"Here is some good news: Kyle Farnsworth could return this season"
Where was Chip’s head when he said this? Probably his usual la-la land where Farnsworth is the greatest thing since sliced bread.
I like to yell at Corey about a slight baserunning mistake, but fully support Moises, who gets picked off or doubled off of first base at least once a week.
Was that 3-2 pitch to E-Ramis even in the same zip code as home plate?
I hate to keep throwing around this word…
But if we can’t at least show a little bit of guts and form a competent comeback attempt, this will be another inexcusable performance.
Dynamic!
Charismatic!
Why does he sound half retarded?
I just knew Chip would use the FG reference.
I’m going to regret taking out my starter after he dominated the opposing team for 6 2/3 innings on only 78 pitches.
Who cares? I’ll just steal first base again for hoots.
But not until AFTER this inning…..yeah…that’s it.
Maybe I would have done better in that 7th inning at bat if I had swung at a strike.
Sorry, I don’t get hits with runners on base.
Thank god, I’m in the game.
Sure, why put me in the game when you can bring in Jose Macias?
What new way will Remlinger come up with to give up a couple runs?
MACIAS TIME!
Josh Fogg wouldn’t have done that…
My shutout ruined by a pop-up homer. I feel so cheap!
Thank God for the wind.
Must stand for Black Cloud. I’ve never seen anyone so uniformaly negative that is not named Dan McNeil.
I meant "uniformly"
I’m such a cry baby.
It’s hero time, buddy!?!?!?
will go 1-2-3. Unless Pittsburgh scores soon, this game will go on forever.
It’s hero time, buddy!
Now all we need is a hero.
Solomon Torres doing his best Cubs’ imitation throwing it away chasing Lee back to first after getting Sammy out…
Or Ward missed a catchable throw.
Whatever, I’ll take it.
Drive me in pleeeeeeeeease.
Nope, but I will go ahead and GIDP. Why not?
Gotta love the fundamentals of hitting a flyball with a runner at 3rd and less than 1 out!!!
(Whispers in background…)
Oh.
We didn’t do that.
Figures.
Am I available to pinch hit? You can even pinch run for me when I get on base…
Barrett has been our best hitter in that situation all year – why not blame Walker for not taking 2nd on the steal of third.
I think my abysmyl baserunning has paralyzed in fear anybody who isn’t Corey or Lee because they sure keep their asses glued to the bases no matter what.
Honestly, the word is FUNDAMENTAL. Not AUTOMATIC. The best hitters in baseball still fails greater than 60% of the time and don’t drive in the winning run from third every time.
I’m batting .412 this year with runners on 3rd and less than 2 out with 16 RBIs. So SHUT UP.
Oops. I almost called that like a home run. Good thing I swallowed my adam’s apple long enough to realize I’m stupid.
Shut up, Barrett — YOU’RE FIRED!
Why are these girls into Stone, exactly?
Here we come…
To ruin your night!!!
OH, it’s ON!
Hey, why aren’t I storming the field yet?
Ouch. I think I can taste my groin on that swing.
Of course, with all the musings about Ramirez not striking out that much coming from Chip and Steve, he’s struck out twice tonight (Although the first one was on a pretty bad call by the plate umpire).
Guh.
Brian… Calling Brian…
We are getting lonely!
Dear Chicago,
We buddies again?
Is it true that B.C. stands for big cock?
Homework: Be quiet.
Sammy with the D!
Hey, there’s ANOTHER check swing for Alou…
Guh.
How many check swings tonight does Moises have? Has to be at least 6 or 7.
Please end the game soon. We don’t get a day off either.
Sammy is doing everything he can to get this team the win.
Don’t tell me he isn’t trying…
Some of the other guys… Sigh.
First bullpen to walk a batter is going to lose this game.
Please tell me what Cubs are not trying everything they can do to win?
This offense needs Bako.
Now!
You know the way the night’s going he’s with the angels…
God, I love it when me being wrong means the Cubs win. If I was President, the Cubs would never lose.
It’s about time we won this thing. Thanks Corey, now I can go to bed. Let’s get that sweep tomorrow.
GO CUBS!
Baker Basher sucks.
Ugly one, but one I’ll certainly take.
Have to give it to Corey tonight, he showed he continues to become a very good baseball player.
Clement, for all his faults, still has the ability to turn it on and get some very good innings done. If only he were consistent…
And there’s Lee with the steal and Sammy with the defense… Other than Alou’s 94 check swings and Barrett not getting that flyball, it seemed like everyone was pretty much on their game. Let’s hope that continues.
One other point:
Have to give credit to the bullpen.
With how bad they have been most of this season, they were very good tonight. Hopefully the pen has turned the corner and will be solid the rest of the way.
Now let’s see if The Franchise can take off from the good start he had last time and help us sweep the Pirates.
Shut yer dirty mouth, #144, the Cubs are perfect as far as I’m concerned.
I have an article I’ve been working on for a little bit I’m going to post in the next couple days…
However, the title is still a struggle for me at the moment. I have three in mind for the moment…
"Critic’s Corner and the Tories"
"Nasty America: Part II"
"Punks of the Internet"
Needless to say, once again, there’s been even more silliness and general hilarity on some other websites.
And, I’ll be covering it for you, because I’m all for TRUTH, HONESTY, AND THE AMERICAN WAY…
And, I promise, no doctored National Guard documents from my reporting!
The time hase come for the Cubs…sit back and enjoy the ride fellas, it has been a long time in the making! Thank God for the Cubs and Desipio!
Crap. I just realized I screwed up that "American Way" saying.
Oh, well, it didn’t work anyway.
I am now moving on.
Who is this Carlos Beltran guy? Is he any good?
Andy,
I thought this was your page. You know, sometimes I’ve recently been reading through these impromptu gamecasts the morning after (was at the game last night) and they read like a manuscript of a one-man show where the performer constantly disembowels himself on stage.
B.C., good show, you neurotic maniac.
Now Dolan, clean up this mess, will ya?
Remember me? I don’t like you guys. Go Odalis (i mean Oliver) Perez.
Well sh*t, B. C., why don’t you try hitting one of those sinkers?? huh? Seriously, those were nasty.
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