Pitching Matchup
Hou: Roger Clettitte 18-4, 2.98 ERA
Atl: Jaret Wright 15-8, 3.28 ERA
Lineups
Houston
The Beege, lf
Carlos Beltran, cf
Jeff Bagwell, 1b
Lance Berkman, rf
Jeff Kent, 2b
Bob Stoops, 3b
Jose Vizcaino, ss
Brad Ausmus, c
Roger Clettitte, p
Atlanta
Rafael Furcal, ss
Marcus Giles, 2b
JD Drew, rf
Larry Wayne Jones, 3b
Ponch, c
Adam LaRoche, 1b
Andruw Jones, cf
Supreme Court Justice Charles Thomas, lf
Jaret Wright, p
Wow, that could have been the most boring intro ever. It might as well have been…
"Today a matchup of the two most disappointing postseason teams of the last decade! It’s Charles Thomas and the Braves against Jose Vizcaino and the Astros!"
Uh-oh, looks like the Algonquin roundtable crew is working the game. O’Brien, Justice and Brantley.
I think O’Brien’s hair is what’s driving oil to better than $50 per barrell.
GO RODGE!
Love those postseason buffets!
How gay does Clemens look with that unbuttoned jersey and his Brian Austin Green haircut?
I’m looking live at my new stomping grounds, Fulton County Stadium! I mean, Turner Field! The Battlin’ Braves are taking on the Aggravated Astros in the playoffs!
My boyfriend Craig Biggio should be primed and ready for today’s game. Let’s just say the starting pitcher isn’t the only thing that got Rogered last night!
I can’t sit down!
The Beege just took strike three and looks like he could use a shirtless hug. I’ll be right back.
Dave Justice must have a little Steve Stone in him, he’s going on about the visibility.
Wow, even that observation goes with the Clettitte-Beege gay theme of the game.
This will make John Kerry, John Edwards and Gee Dub all uncomfortable, today.
Right where we left off last time we were in the playoffs. 0-2.
Okay, last weird homoerotic photo of the day…but jeez, watch out for that boner of mine:
I wonder if Rafael Furcal’s range will be hindered by that electronic monitoring bracelet on his ankle.
He was safe! Hiccup! Safe, I say!
Did Berkman just drop a flyball?
I like how Chip said we Atlanta players are more "classy" than the Cubs or such bullshite.
Flatter me all you want, Chippy, but I’m never gonna let you come party with me.
I think the Cubs dumped Chip on the Braves to convince me to come up north and play for the baby bears.
I’m going to kill you guys.
Forget JD, I don’t need you clogging up the bases with walks.
Kill us? Or the people posting here from their cubicles?
I suck.
Roger was supposed to the pitch the clincher but he was clenching.
I’ll bet he wishes he was going against Mylanta and not Atlanta.
Oh, these jokes just write themselves.
These Astros are going to have to observe the game and not just watch it. Swing the bat fellas!
It sounds like there is a lot more Braves fans here than there was last year.
Biggio licks my Bagwell. Andy Pettite.
I love this gig at ESPN. I get to interrupt the game to spout some stupid cliches and just like in my old job, I get to have sex with my Hispanic secretary right on my desk!
I’m like George Costanza without the sweater with the pink dot on it.
Gotta root for Jon Lieber tonight. He was always a class act. Looks like he had a decent finish (5-0 in September). Man, if he just hadn’t blown that elbow. Just think of him in the Cubs’ rotation the past two seasons.
Damn, I’m dealing today.
I just remembered: I have a Hispanic secretary. Oh no.
What are the odds that Fat Roger goes into the dugout after this inning and begs out of the game, then blames his performance on his stomach flu?
I’m clutch!
I’m no longer dealing.
Charles Thomas looks like he’s auditioning to be a Cub. Clemens walks three guys and Thomas swings and misses three times. Nice.
My diaper’s full.
Again.
Phil takes me on lots of rides!
Whee!
I’m not rooting for the Yankees. Lieber could have stayed.
Could the Braves possibly waste anymore scoring opportunities? They’re like Cubs East.
I’ve been tutoring the Braves hitters. Gary Matthews taught me a lot.
Don’t worry, Roger will get a blister or some other fucking pussy malady.
Anybody think maybe the Beege’s postseason struggles are a product of him not being able to hit good pitching?
Nah. I’m sure it’s not that simple.
Chip and I have been sitting around talking about how evil WGN is.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go have my toupee pressed.
Again.
My watch must be set to 1997. I think Biggio still has speed.
Maybe the Beege does have speed?
Nah. Crappy throw.
I’m…I’m not good.
Why root for the Yankees over us? We’re like the most benign team in the playoffs.
Beltran homer.
Ding! Ding! Ding!
Hey, my tumor was BENIGN!
The fan who threw Beltran’s ball back on the field hit Charles Thomas. If Thomas had seen it coming he’d have swung and missed at it.
I am going to be so f’ing rich next year, dude.
It’s the mound’s fault. Get the groundscrew out here.
Yeah, the Cubs needed Nomar, not me.
Chip Caray is out there on the mound. Apparently grounds crew work is in his job description under "other duties as assigned."
He also has to hold the spit bucket for Mrs. Cox during her weekly bouts with Bobby.
Hey, there’s room for both of us.
You’re dumping two thirds of the outfield after all.
Besides, Mia likes the gay bars in Chicago.
Tell Jim Hendry to have the Tribune Tower open the vault for this guy, right now.
That’s next year, Nomar. I meant this past year.
Steve Phillips’ Hispanic secretary just said that the reason the Yankees are going to use Kevin Brown in game three is because they lost game one. That and the fact that El Duque is hurt and they don’t have anybody else.
Hey, there was room for us both last year.
But just think, if Hendry had traded for a closer Carlos would be home and I’d be Mr. October Hero Boy.
C’mon, the Yankees have me! I made the playoff roster, right?
Is Steve Phillips’ hispanic secretary hot? I’m looking for a juicy Jane to experiment with.
I’ll go get my corncob dress.
Hey Nomar, which closer did you want me to trade for? Jose Lima, who would have retired? Or Ugeth Urbina, who’s in Venezuela looking for his mom?
You get game four Javier. Because you got lit up like the 4th of July.
ERA by month:
April 2.55
May 5.34
June 2.66
July 6.61
August 7.43
September 6.29
Ouch.
I’m available.
I don’t like your inference there Mr. Hendry.
You just shut up and get them a closer, buddy!
Eddie Guardado seemed lonely in August and September, buddy.
It’s LIMA TIME!
I think you meant Jose Mesa.
Besides, everybody knows that Sammy Sosa kidnapped Ugy’s mom, buddy.
Watch the inference there, Jose, buddy.
The New York police questioned Sammy’s cousin about Ugy’s mother’s kidnapping.
I think.
When I’m not sure, I YELL EVERYTHING LOUDER!
Eddie G. was shelved with a bum flipper.
In other news…
There was a dead-on lookalike for Mike Sherman, football coaching LEGEND, here in Champaign today. Maybe he was looking around because he’s going to Turner’s job when Ron gets sacked here in a couple months and Mikey gets fired when the Pack ends up 7-9.
Just a little football talk for you as it looks like the Astros may put this one away this afternoon.
Hi and bye, but quickly re: Beltran’s day.
F**k Korey Patterson and his 4th year of potential.
Had to beat this horse again, but seeing Beltran do this today and I needed to vent.
G’nite!
Vent on me, Chuck, I’m lonely!
Oops! I swear, the ball slipped riiiight outta my hand.
Nice job, Juan.
Chip is a curse.
Dusty’s got nothing on me!
Guess who’s back…back again…
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