Pitching matchup:
Hou: Pete Munro, 4-7, 5.15 ERA (postseason 0-0, 5.79 ERA)
StL: Matt Moran, 15-10, 4.72 ERA (postseason 0-1, 5.25 ERA)
Lineups
Houston
The Beege, lf
The Mole, cf
Jeff Bagwell, 1b
Fat Lance, rf
Jeff Pornstache, 2b
Mike Lamb, 3b
Jose Vizcaino, ss
Brad Ausmus, c
Jim J. Bullock, p
Satan’s Minions
Tony “Deal with the Devil” Womack, 2b
Larry “Haven’t found any dead guys in my pasture lately” Walker, rf
Generalissimo Albie Pujols, Sr., 1b
Scott Rolen, 3b
Lassie, cf
Edgar Renteria, ss
Reggie Sanders, lf
Mike “Huntin’ Knife” Matheny, c
Matt Moran, p
Munro!
![]("http://www.obituariestoday.com/Images/Obituary/28616.jpg"/)
I’m keeping my eye on you!
I love playing on the Asstros!
![]("http://gayinfo.tripod.com/bullock.jpg"/)
I may have pitched the game of my life, but I am still an assclown. I condemned A-Rod as a dirty player on Dan Patrick today.
Yeah, slapping at a fielder’s glove with your limp wrist while running to first, and then complaining, protesting, and lying (i.e., acting like all you were doing was running) when the umpires make the correct call is the hallmark of clean baseball.
I clicked on one of the ads, and it says that all I have to do is give them my email address and I could one $1000. However, I can’t seem to find the place where they promise that they aren’t going to horribly spam my email and that they will only use my address for nice things. Little help plz.
A-Rod is a dirty player.
If it’s too good to be true, it probably is.
Which is dirtier, me, or the collective batting helmets of the Boston Red Sox? Discuss.
Intrepid reader# 7: Little Help
"If it’s too good to be true, it probably is"
Way to go out on a limb.
The Rockford Fox affiliate is currently showing "The Pat Croce Show." When does Mike McCaskey get a show?
Is it three yet? I wanna win a pennant!
At lease we is in the playoffs. Youse guys didn’t eben make ’em!
I wuz tellin’ my ma this mornin’ that she is real purty and a good kisser and that the Cubs done sucked it up this year!
Hah hah!
It’s hero time, dude.
Annoying, ain’t I?
I’m a grown man who is trapped inside one of the pock marks on Kevin Kennedy’s face! Send a rescue plane! Actually send Kate from "Lost!" I don’t care if she is a wanted criminal. She’s hot!
I’ve got three innings and six earned runs left in me. Let’s see Munro top that.
I am off to a typical asshole start. I said Munro threw horrible in game two. Wasn’t Pete on the hook for the win. Maybe Micelli is starting.
I’m now rethinking my disagreement with the decision to start Munro because Steve Lyons agrees with me. Shudder.
Also, Bob Brenly thinks it’s "night" already. He’ll be asleep by the sixth inning.
I can’t believe that the Astros aren’t starting Mike Scott. Nobody can hit that split-fingered pitch.
Here’s the Colt .45’s lineup for tonight…
2b Joe Morgan
3b Bill Virdon
lf Jose Cruz
cf Kevin Bass
rf Danny Heep
1b Terry Puhl
c Alan Ashby
ss Dickie Thon
p Jim Deshaies
And for your Cardinals
lf Vince Coleman
2b Tommy Herr
1b Keith Hernandez
rf George Hendrick
cf Willie McGee
3b Ken Oberkfell
c Darrell Porter
ss Ozzie Smith
p John Tudor
And now, here’s Jose Feliciano with our national anthem!
Under the scouting report on Matt Morris, Steve Lyons had "Work the bottom."
Out in center field, Lassie was in full agreement.
If there’s a bad call today we’re going to throw gummi bears on the field!
Don’t worry, I’ll will my team to victory. I’ve never lost four in a row in the playoffs. Just ask the ’88 Dodgers and ’90 Reds.
There’s a strike zone around here someplace, right?
I’ll be taking this here second base and whatever cash you have in the register.
I am a golden god.
We should count how many times Brenly says "tonight." He’s on two and we’re not out of the top of the first yet.
I know the sun’s behind a cloud, Bob, but it’s not below the horizon.
One run is all I need. Somebody get the champagne iced!
Hey! You can’t steal on me, I’m a gold glover!
I wish Chip and Steve were here to remind us of how nobody can run on Mike Matheny.
These Astros are all such nice guys…
How’s the visibility?
Matt Morris: Do these pants make my ass look big?
Steve Kline: No, your ass makes your ass look big.
Edgar Renteria: Yeah, that and the fact that Edmonds has his hand in there up to his elbow.
Remember when I used to be a good pitcher. Good times.
Fucking Tony, he’s such a goddamned idiot. Why did he let Morris start the game? He knows that Morris gets rocked in the first inning every time. Why not start fucking Jason Isringhausen in the first. I know for a fact that Isringhausen hasn’t allowed a run in the first inning all year.
Dear Tony Womack,
Please see me at the conclusion of the 2004 playoffs. We have to complete our "transaction."
Sincerely,
Beelzebub
Womack’s single is just like giving up a homer.
Where are the Thundersticks? Now they’re up to what, Homer Hankies? Only in Missouri would this be considered progress.
Pujols is still playin’?
Get Lidge up!
Why hasn’t anyone killed these motherf#$kers yet?
Is it too late to start Clemens?
Actually, now we’re using touchdown towels. That’s baseball, right?
Pujols, I need that cream I lent you.
That was easier than my tour of duty in Vietnam.
Somebody might want to explain to the Red Horde that the Joe Buck commercial where Bania from Seinfeld convinces him to do the "Slam-a Lam-a Ding Dong" commercial is funny because "Slam-a Lam-a Ding Dong" is ridiculous.
So the guy with the sign that says that, might want to put it away and go buy one of those clever pre-made signs that for some reason are all the rage in Dogpatch.
How many innings can Wakefield go today?
Why doesn’t Munro just pray harder? That’s what works for me.
All right, the next SOB who makes a Houston YOU have a problem joke gets sued. We’ll take everything, your money, your trailer and your Dale Earnhardt velvet painting! We’re not kidding.
OK, two runs is all the Cardinals get. I’m serious this time.
I don’t know Andy, I think Slam-a Lam-a Ding Dong is an outstanding catch phrase. If I had thought that up while I was still with the Cubs, the ratings would have been even higher!
Garner is trying to decide if he can forfeit this game and still maintain what little credibility he has. Bob Watson and Bud Selig are discussing it.
By the way, what kind of dork brings signs to a game, especially meticulously painted ones? If I ever happen to be at a game in the Big Urinal Cake again (and I think I’d rather eat glass), I’m gonna blast that guy.
Mike Lamb’s wife just had a baby! Look out St. Louis! Guys always hit homers when their wives have babies!
You’re gonna eat lightning (not glass) and crap thunder!
Huh?
Dave B,
From what I’ve seen, the events that have the most crowd signs are usually professional wrestling. Taking into account the white trash factor in a wrestling crowd and Cardinals crowd, it’s no big shock that they made signs to bring to the park.
Has either Mike Kiley or Paul Sullivan mentioned lately that Edgar Renteria is a favorite of mine from our days with the Marlins? I’m pretty sure they’re supposed to write that every day this offseason.
If it works like it does in the WWE we hand the signs out to some fans as they walk in.
The Cardinals have to do it because their fans can’t read or write.
Didn’t you like me, Jimbo?
Why am I playing? Does Adam Everett have Lou Gerhig’s disease?
Suzyn Waldman is reporting that El Duque’s cell reception crapped out in that strip joint, so Kevin Brown is starting game seven tonight.
Maybe we should suture my leg for good luck?
I think Everett has Tommy John Disease.
How come I’m not playing…I’m better than Jose Visciano at least!
I’ve always noticed signs on Iowa State basketball games, so CT’s theory has some merit.
I just chuckle when I think of that goof in St. Louis spending countless hours painting signs. i can just picture him with this goofy grin on his face, thing how clever he is. Dumb ass.
Munro,
I’m still keeping my eye on you! I don’t like what I’m seeing!
Actually, after my press conference, the trainers sutured my mouth shut, too.
C’mon on, you have to like the "Astros gone mild" sign they just showed (painted by the same guy).
I think we know who our sign guy is, don’t we?
http://thordoggie.blogspot.com/2004_10_03_thordoggie_archive.html
Hey, Jose Oquendo!
Did Brenly just say, "Coming out of the chute?" That’s mine!
RULES!
Ouch, my arm! I think it’s broken!
Matt Morris runs harder down the hotel hallway than he does to first base.
"Pete Munro grew up a Yankes fan."
Are the Yankes anything like the Yankees?
Thanks for the Kaseberg link, Andy. ("What’s the deal with ovaltine?")
Now who’s going to help me pull these pencils out of my eyes?
I got nuthin’.
I think Bullock has my hairdo.
I’d come out to the mound and remove you Pete, but I’m too busy preparing my statement for the post game press conference where I defend my decision to start you today.
The worst thing about the Red Sox winning last night is that if they end up winning the ALCS all we will here is how great Schilling was with a bad ankle.
I loathe Schilling. The Astros better win it this year, with some of their contracts (especially Bagwell and Pettite) they are screwed in the next few years.
Don’t worry, I’m up this inning, so at worst, the score will be tied.
Will I ever get a postseason hit?
I’m now hitting over .500 in the playoffs.
Did I just try to trip Beltran coming around 3rd? I thought I was a class act.
Who’s the bitch now?
Everyone has hiccups Scott. Like Julian Tavarez. His entire career, he’s been a calm, level headed, upstanding gentleman. Then he has one outburst in Houston and people think he’s crazy.
In reading Alex Kasebrg’s underestimatedly titled blog, I thought of two things:
1) I need to take a shower simply for having read parts of that and..
2) Have Alex Kaseberg and B.C. of Desipio fame ever been spotted in the same place, at the same time?
Just asking.
Have they showed Albert Pujol’s retarded stepson on televison yet?
re: 83: Whatever, Bagwell. Respect your elders!
How the hell does a guy go from 2nd to 3rd on a fly out to left field? Did Biggio crash into the wall or something?
The Beege had flashbacks from the E7 at Wrigley back in June.
Nope, Biggio just can’t throw.
The ball wasnt’t even close to the warning track.
Time to throw some gas on this and get ready for tomorrow night!
If people in St. Louis had jobs, they’d be missing work right now.
Chad Harville?!?
Cardinal fans are a bunch of cocksuckers.
Am I up in the bullpen?
I can’t believe you morans make fun of me! What part of my hand-made sign do you not understand?
My head is exploding!
Suck on that!
Your posts must have a minimum word count of 300, and you didn’t even call anyone a pussy!
I can totally hold a 2-run lead. Never mind my ERA and WHIP, I make 12 million a year, so no sweat.
Pot. Kettle. Black.
Hmm, if the pitcher comes up this inning, I can hit for him with Jason Lane, then double switch, take out Beltran and move Biggio to center.
300 words and Lidge is a pussy
You’re a pussy Garner basher basher! So is Garner! He should have had Munro start hitting people! Hit Pujols right in his fat, old mug! Hit Edmonds right in the ass! Who cares if Pete Munro gets tossed out of a game! He should start throwing balls into the Cardinals’ bullpen at fuckers like Crazy Julian and Kline! Then, he should start throwing balls into the stands and trying to knock the tooth out of the Cardinals fans! Pussies! They’re all pussies! The Astros are pussies, the Cardinals are pussies! So are all of you! You’re all pussies, too!
Mr. Womack, I need to see you in my office. No, right now. You will leave the game and come see me. Oh, and don’t forget your immortal soul, I need that, too.
I don’t care if you’re busy playing Game 6, Womack — I want a word, and I want it NOW!
tHom just said, "Hopefully everything is all right with Tony Womack."
Well, tHom, I’m sure it is. That’s why he just left game six of the NLCS in the fourth inning.
With a limp.
My son Barry, he’s a doctor!
Couldn’t you have picked a better soul than Tony freakin Womack? You should be fired, you damn pussy!
I am the Lamb of God and I take away the sins of Munro.
Keep chewing on that cud, Cardinals fans.
Relax,
Matt Morris will be in my office before 5 p.m. and I’ve got a date with Pujols set for mid June of next year.
Hunsicker’s a pussy. Why didn’t he keep Wagner? Why did they let Nolan Ryan go. He has sack.
I never give up home runs! That would never have been out at Busch.
Wait.
How come everybody’s all over Garner for starting Munro, but not all over LaRussa for starting me? I’m just as bad.
Don’t blame yourself, Morris, it’s just that my wife just had a kid and the Chip Caray decree says I have to go yard twice.
What did I say? Damn, I’m good.
Too bad about Tony Womack, but look, I seem to have recovered from Tommy John Disease.
Well, if we lose, at least Jim Edmonds and I can spend some quality time together.
I’d have had that, too.
On the way home, I heard Dave Kaplan’s report about how The Genius and Walt Jocketty launched an animated tirade against Bob Watson during the Cardinals’ BP today. Apparently, they were upset about the fine against Julian Tavarez for his blow-up after he was taken out in Game 4. That’s a guy to stand up for, you classless jerk-offs. You think the Cards may have a little case of the tight-ass?
Why do Brenly and Lyons keep saying "tonight"? It’s still afternoon as far as I can tell.
By the way, the Sports Pickle link about Walker getting a standing O for hitting into a DP is a classic.
Ever hear of those "nutcracker" drills they run in NFL training camps?
Maybe I should try it in Florida next spring.
I just yell when Tony tells me too.
Hey Lamb, none of that ole’ bullshit!
I’m sending my resume to St. Louis.
Nice baserunning there by Albie. He tried to score from first on a double that caromed off the wall down the left field wall and back towards the infield. Jose Vizcaino made a wide throw and Ausmus still had enough time to catch it and run over to tag Pujols out.
I was much faster back when I played with Mantle and Mays in the early 60’s. They never would have had me then.
I was much faster back when I played with Mantle and Mays in the early 60’s. They never would have had me then.
I’m not as fast as I used to be.
Yo Genius, we’re available!
I would have made it if I didn’t have to wear these damn orthopedic shoes.
Hey Albie I’m dead and I can still out run you.
Stop signs are for suckers!
We want to note that Oquendo told him not to try and score.
That’s some kind of team player that Pujols is.
I’m actually pulling for the Astros. I liked those guys better and had better years in the Astrodome. So Morris can shove that DK 57 stuff up his ass.
Matt Morris touched my pepe!
New Cardinals offensive strategy…hit it at Mike Lamb.
I don’t like Lamb. You can tell because as he was falling over the rail into the dugout, I just let him go and walked over to pick up the ball.
Remember that diving stop I made in the 9th inning of that one game against the Cubs? Yeah, I’ll never do that again.
Hey, Lamb, for that to be impressive, you have to actually catch the ball.
Is it a coincidence that Astros pitching coach Jim Hickey is wearing a turtleneck? Hmm?
Actually, our strategy is to hit the ball at Biggio, but Lamb playing in front of him just makes it easier.
I just said that at 4-3, the Astros are "very much in this game." Gee, ya think?
Honestly, at this point Garner might as well just have Biggio and Lamb trade spots. It can’t be any worse.
Is it a coincidence that I play with Albie Pooholes?
Hey Jim Hendry,
Edgar Renteria has the "flat footed swing on a ball 3 feet outside" thing already figured out! He’s a natural for our lineup!
Fox stat
Cardinals bullpen
v. LA, 11 IP, 1 ER
v. Hou, 14 IP, 12 ER
That can be explained like this:
The Astros lineup doesn’t suck.
I’m done! Phew! I can’t blow this! Give me $12 million for next year, too! I’m a legend! Just like Curt Schilling!
Did I just intentionally force Matt Morris OUT of the game. Why? Was Matheny that scary?
Hey, my good buddy Ray King is in!!
He is my partner is the buffet buster contest every March.
Wow! What a scoop by Pujols. Give that man the Gold Glove.
Oh, wait he didn’t scoop it. Give it to him anyway.
It’s hard to catch balls with a Gold Glove like mine.
It appears that no amount of whining, gay-bashing jokes, and hick insults can make us a playoff team.
I will tell you how Houston (hopefully!) just won this game…
Tony LaRussa decided to use his only left-hander, Ray King, in the SIXTH inning.
Considering that Beltran has been a God this series, I fully expect him to bite the Cardinals for that when he comes up in the 7th.
Yes, because every member of the 2004 Cubs team was on TV and radio making gay-bashing jokes and insulting hicks every night of the season.
Moran, if you’re going to insult the gamecast, at least direct your insults at those WRITING the comments.
Gay-bashing has gotten me into the playoffs.
Oh come on Biggio and Bagwell… Kiko Calero stopped you in your tracks?!?!?!?
Folks, it’s going to be up to us to keep this series from going seven games…
Wish us luck!
No, I think more gay jokes about the Cardinals will actually force Major League Baseball to let the Cubs play in the World Series.
I think Phil Garner thinks that the home plate umpire’s mother is a bitch?
I’m quite the defensive replacement, aren’t I?
My fat, self-promoting face has been on TV over 459 times today. I love being a hero. Hear that? I’m a hero, baby!
Hang on a few seconds, Bill Simmons is fellating me.
Aw, crap.
I’m sick of the Cardinals. Let’s just win the damn thing.
Damn, that getting thrown out at the plate thing kinda stings now.
I can end it with one swing! Then again, Brad Lidge makes me want to poop myself.
It’s about time LaRussa came out to complain, I’d almost forgotten that the playoffs are all about HIM.
Garner just took Berkman out for a double switch. I don’t quite understand this because that is one less quality hitter in the line-up that already had Lane-Vizcaino-Ausmus hiting 7-8-9.
Now what is The Genius bitching about? What a douchebag.
The assbag La Russa strikes again.
What was he arguing? Oh, this is great televison.
But at least he took his sunglasses off when he came onto the field.
Garner took Berkman out because he needs to get at least two innings out of Lidge. Whoever made the last out of that inning, not named Beltran was going to come out.
If the Cardinals lose this, The Genius will be put on suicide watch. I wish Lidge would’ve thrown the ball at Tony when he was out there bitching. Like Lidge is gonna intentionally throw at somebody with two out in the bottom of the ninth of a tied Game 6. MORAN!!!
I’m in the record books, baby! I’m the 11th strikeout of the series for Lidge!
I’m sending my bat to Cooperstown!
They keep showing Tavarez in the bullpen, but he’s just a decoy down there. Everytime they show him he’s messing with something, a ball, a bag, anything and he won’t even move his left hand anywhere near it because it hurts so much.
Why was La Russa upset about Bob Watson? I missed that.
Not only do I look just like Butch Davis, but I’m money after I’ve blown the lead! Maybe The Genius will let me hit in the 10th?
Hell, even if Lidge had thrown at Lassie intentionally, who cares! The Astros don’t receive disciplinary action, they’re classy guys.
But why didn’t Lassie try rolling around on the ground and pretending the pitch had hit him?
I fined Tavarez 10K for throwing at Bagwell and for throwing a hissy afterwards. Apparently The Genius doesn’t mind it when I suspend Carlos Zambrano, but a fine and no suspension for his Freddy Krueger-lookalike reliever is an abomination.
Lassie’s a hack. I could have gotten first base on that pitch.
Why’s Edgar bunting? What a maroon. Nobody does that.
Oh, wait.
Never mind.
I hit the crap out of that! How far did that go? Maybe a foot?
How long does Garner go with Lidge?
Who does Houston have left to pitch? Maybe Oswalt for an inning?
Put me in! I can add to my legend by blowing the pennant!
To #178:
I told him to bunt. Why do all of my moves have to be justified? I am a GENIUS after all!
The sunglasses are back on.
Hey Tony, it’s 6:45, the sun is down.
Assbag.
I think Lidge just threw at the 8 Teams, 1 Champion sign. Better get Watson on the horn, there Genius.
If one guy gets on in the 11th for the Astros, Beltran gets to win it.
My prediction, the Beege leans into one with two outs and then Beltran bounces one off the Adams Mark sign in right field.
The trick to getting away with hitting someone intentionally is to hit them right on their number after you give up a 3 run homer.
Also, I’ve found that it helps if you happen to be an Astro and the guy doling out fines happens to be a former Astro.
I’m in, baby!
Roy, I want to have one more chat about that. I’m not big on letting things go.
But I want a Game 7! I could add three hits and a couple stolen bases to my postseason stats tomorrow.
I wonder if Tony will be upset at Fox for showing Crazy Julian’s temper tandrum again?
To Andy (Reader #184):
Don’t ever wish harm on my Beege. You should be ashamed of yourself!
*cries to imaginary family that lives in Orlando*
I’m gutsier than Curt Schilling!
Fox is a bunch of pussies! How can they show that replay again? Don’t they have reruns of The OC they could show? How about that boxing reality show nobody watches? Whatever happened to Skin? That show was great! Her dad is the District Attorney! Pussies!
Lyons says that Lidge isn’t throwing very many strikes. He threw 11 pitches last inning. I think some of those had to be near the strike zone.
Why not use me to close if we get the lead in the 12th?
Craig Biggio’s left field defense makes Gary Matthews, Sr. look like an all-time Gold Glover.
Excuse me, but that was Gold Glove caliber play by the Beege.
Since no one is on the bench for the Astros, they may as well use me for a pinch hitter for Lidge.
By the way, if the Astros don’t score in the 12th, I’m not watching the bottom because it’s going to be some Astros bullpen scrub against the Generalissimo and I don’t want to see that old bastard win it.
But that’s just me.
"because it’s going to be some Astros bullpen scrub against the Generalissimo and I don’t want to see that old bastard win it."
Would that be me, Dolan?
Ding Ding.
#197 should win a prize.
Hey, I’m right! I am pinch hitting against Crazy Julian!
Andy’s right. the thought of Dan Miceli going up against Pujols, Rolen, and Lassie sucks.
"Lost" is on over on ABC.
What prize do I win?
Acutally, #202, I may pitch!
My leftover dinner.
4 straight balls?
Rolen swings at the first pitch.
Atta boy Scotty.
Here I am to blow…..I mean keep the game tied.
Crap. Anybody but Lassie.
I wished I had skipped the bottom half of this inning also
This game was over when Beltran and Bagwell went down easily in th top half. There was no way in hell Miceli was gonna hold them scoreless.
Bottom line: Clemens starting with four days’ rest and Oswalt in the pen. The Cardinals are throwing Jeff Suppan and may not have Tony Womaack in the line-up. The Astros are about as set up as they could be for one game.
I can’t wait to tell my boyfriend
Mike in New York all about my walkoff HR!
Holy crap, I’m a fucking idiot!
Hey, Dale, You better thank me for bailing you out!
Dale, you can wave me in on this one
I’m feeling Grand!!!
George is gonna buy us all.
Crap. Lassie went home.
Go Yankees!!! What? I’m wearing a Red Sox jacket?
Greatest.
Choke.
Ever.
So I didn’t pay attention to the Yankees all season, but how the hell did they win so many games with such crappy pitching?
Hitting, hitting, and more hitting.
YANKEES LOSE!!! THEEEEEEEE YANKEES LOSE!!!
Rodriguez leaves Mariners–Seattle wins.
Rodriguez leaves Texas–Rangers win.
Rodriguez goes to MFYs–Biggest Collapse Ever.
Nomar – Check
ARod – Check
Sosa – ????
Steinbrenner, I think you need a Gladiator on your team, buddy!
Scientists animated by the purpose of proving that they are purposeless constitute an interesting subject for study. by wsop
Science is organised knowledge. by propecia
Increasingly, academic jobs are awarded on the strength of the publications of the candidates…. And it is a sad fact that young women publish less than young men because they’re busy having children. by blackjack