As a Cubs fan, I’m loathe to believe in curses. The reason the Red Sox kept losing to the Yankees was that the Yankees were better. The reason the Cubs can’t win a pennant is because for most of the 59 year wait, they’ve sucked eggs. So with the ridiculous myth of the Curse of the Bambino now lying charred on some Bronx street corner, maybe the Yankees can take solace, that if curses do exist, that they unwittingly brought this on themselves.

You can blame the complete choke job of losing a three games to none lead (including the final two games at home) on bad pitching, or an unlucky bounce of a ground rule double in game four, or whatever. But if you want to know why the Yankees choked, it’s because they have the common thread amongst the biggest chokers in recent baseball history.

They have Kenny Lofton on their team.

That might seem odd, but the numbers will make your jaw drop.

On the surface, Kenny has had a great career. He was once traded for the immortal Eddie Taubensee and though he’s been regarded as a genuine pain in the ass to have around for many years, he’s been a great leadoff man and a speedy, if not altogether expert centerfielder.

In fact, the teams Kenny has played on have been wildly successful. Since 1995 he has only missed the playoffs once, in 2000. He’s never been on a World Series champion, but he has been on two pennant winners (the 1995 Indians and the 2002 Giants). His first three trips to the playoffs were, I’m sure exciting, and at times frustrating.

The 1995 Indians got to the World Series against Atlanta and lost in six games. They were down two games to one going into game four. (Edited because I typed “six.”)

The 1996 Indians stumbled in the division series to the Ripken-Palmeiro-Mussina Orioles and fell down two games to one before being eliminated in game four.

He was traded and his 1997 Braves were tied with the Marlins after four games only to lose their last two games and be eliminated in six in the NLCS. His old team, the Indians, would go back to the World Series but lose in seven to the Marlins.

He went back to Cleveland and the 1998 Indians took a two games to one lead over the Yankees in the American League Championship series before losing their last three games and being eliminated in six.

The 1999 Indians had a two games to none lead over the Red Sox in the five-game division series, only to lose the last three games and be eliminated in a decisive fifth game.

After a year out of the playoffs, he and the 2001 Indians returned to blow a 2-1 series lead in the division series against the Mariners and lose two in a row to be eliminated.

Lofton ended up on the 2002 Giants as a late-season pickup and San Francisco took a three games to two lead into the final two games in Anaheim. The Giants had a chance to win their first World Series since moving to San Francisco but lost both games to lose the World Series.

He came to Chicago in a midseason trade and joined the 2003 Cubs. The Cubs had a three games to one lead on the Marlins and a chance to win their first pennant since 1945 and lost all three games to choke away the pennant.

Then last night, Kenny continued his good luck ways with the 2004 New York Yankees and they became the first team to ever blow a three games to none lead in any series and lost their last four games to their hated rivals the Boston Red Sox.

In short, in the past six years, Kenny Lofton has been on a team that needed to win only one more game to either advance to the next round (two division series losses, one World Series loss and two league championship series losses) and in those games, Kenny’s teams are 4-17. In the series from which they have been eliminated they have now lost 14 straight games in which a win could have ended the series in their favor. (Edited for clarity–hey, there’s a new concept around here.)

And Steve Bartman’s the guy who has to hide? I don’t think so.

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I mentioned earlier in the week that I’m not particularly fond of this current Red Sox team because of the presence of world class assbag Curt Schilling and of the way they felt compelled to completely trash Nomar on his way out of town. But I thoroughly enjoyed the looks on the faces of the Yankees fans as it all slipped away last night.

Last year when the Cubs blew games six and seven the shots of us in and around the park showed people who couldn’t believe it had happened again. It was the same when they interviewed Red Sox fans after their game seven choke job last year. But the sights last night were tremendous. Smug, entitled, spoiled fans with their “this doesn’t happen to US” expressions. For a night, all the world were Red Sox fans. When push comes to shove, unless they’re playing the Cardinals or White Sox, I guess I really can’t find any reason to ever root for the Yankees.

In a way, that’s kind of reassuring.

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Speaking of the Cardinals, the gates of Hell opened just a little bit wider as Lassie homered into the Dogpatch sky and sent the NLCS, inevitably, into a seventh game tonight. The Astros folly of starting Pete Munro very nearly worked, and Cardinals fans everywhere soiled their overalls when big eared Jason Isringhausen blew the game in the ninth. But the game was lost to the Astros when they couldn’t get the lead while Brad Lidge was still in the game.

It was interesting, but I think that Phil Garner’s Omniscient Mustache was going to use Roy Oswalt to close if the Astros had gotten the lead in the top of the 12th. He went with Dan Miceli instead, and Miceli did what he’s specialized in in these playoffs, he gave up a game ending jack.

So tonight it’s Roger Clemens against Jeff Suppan. The advantage of course leans heavily towards the Astros, except for the fact that Clemens has rarely been clutch in the playoffs. Then again, it’s Jeff Freakin’ Suppan. But hey, The Genius assures us that Jason Marquis is available, too! Ooh, that ought to comfort the Red Horde.

Lidge worked three innings last night, but so did Big Ears, so that’s a wash, especially since Lidge seems to be impervious to overuse. Though his elbow will fall off sometime in January when he’s not looking.

The Omniscient Mustache can make tonight a long and drawn out war if the Cardinals are able to keep the Astros offense down. He could conceivably get 16 innings out of Clemens-Oswalt-Lidge, and while that seems absurd, after watching the middle games of the ALCS, nothing seems absurd anymore.

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Phil Rogers and his six dollar haircut feel that the LCS’s were destined for seven games all along.

Tyson Chandler’s back is better. Sure. Whatever.

When you have to turn to Craig Krenzel, it’s time to just hang the white flag.

Marc Columbo is back? Really? You don’t say?

Mariotti puts down the doughnut for his take on the Red Sox miracle.

The Wizard of Roz says the Cubs’ can’t sign Carlos Beltran but has no reasons why.

Sports Guy gets his big moment.

The Yankees will need to rebuild that pitching staff. Maybe they can get some more ex-Blue Jays to go with Heredia, Quantrill, Loaiza, Sturtze and the rest of the gascan gang.

Straws are being grasped at here.

Carmelo Anthony’s quest to be the new Scottie Pippen continues. Instead of an unregistered handgun, he went the marijuana route. He’s already got the refusal to go into a game thing down, too.

Looks like Carmelo’s posse is pretty young.

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