So this is what it’s come to? The Bears are giving Jeff George a job with five weeks left in the season? He’s going to learn the offense and be ready to back up the great Chad Hutchinson in six days?
I can’t even comprehend this, so let’s use the Mike Ditka voice to figure it out.
Here’s the deal, gang. Jeff George can sling the ball, gang. Sure, he can’t throw the ball 80 yards like he used to, gang. But he can sling it. Plus, gang, how big of an ass can he be in five weeks? By the time he figures out which end of the bench he can pout on and get optimum TV exposure, gang, the season will be over. The only question this brings up, gang, is why didn’t the Bears sign him six weeks ago?
What is the downside here? If he can’t play, he can’t be any worse than Jonathan Quinn, and if he can play, well you already know you need to add two more quarterbacks for next season. One of those is supposedly Tim Couch, who, if rumors are correct, left Halas Hall in September after flunking his physical with a promise from Jerry Angelo that after he got his shoulder scoped that the Bears would sign him for next year.
By the way, what was uglier on Thursday, the Bears orange uniforms or Quinn? Have we ever seen a more hilariously inept quarterback? Keep in mind we’re Bears’ fans and we’ve seen Will Furrer and Henry Burris and PT Willis and Mike Phipps. Quinn, on back-to-back SCREEN pass attempts nearly had both passes picked off. You might go a decade between screen pass interceptions and Quinn nearly pulled it off on consecutive throws.
Here’s all you need to know about Quinn. On his first possession the Bears ended up in a third and 36. Third and 36! If you took the snap and ran backwards you’d be hard pressed to lose 18 yards on each of the first two plays.
And don’t get me started on Craig Krenzel. If he was a horse, the minute he grabbed his leg we’d have shot him. He made five starts this year and he turned the ball over THIRTEEN times! Thirteen! There has to be some sort of award for that. I think Tony Banks gives you a trophy. Yikes.
———-
Wednesday night is a huge early season college basketball game. The number one ranked Wake Forest Deamon Deacons are heading to Champaign to face the fourth ranked Illini. After watching the Illini completely annihilate Gonzaga on Saturday I am left without speech. Sure, Gonzaga was starting two four white guys, but they’re still a pretty good team. The Illini took them to the woodshed. It was impressive. So far, in four games the Illini guards have shot the ball freakishly well. Is it a trend or just an early season hot streak? They’ll find out against Wake, and the world will find out who the best backcourt in the nation is. My money’s on Dee, Deron and Luther. But then, I’m a dope.
How old is Nick Smith? Is it true that he’s played for Gene Bartow, Lou Henson, Lon Kruger, Bill Self and Bruce Weber? OK, not the first two. But he was a Kruger recruit, right? How is that possible? But how long has he been at Illinois? Does he have his doctorate yet?
———
The Bulls finally won a game, when they beat Utah 101-99. This would be more exciting if Utah hadn’t just lost to New Orleans the game before. But at this point, are we really going to get picky about Bulls’ wins? I didn’t think so.
I’ve already changed my mind about Ben Gordon. Just last week I wondered aloud if he was the next Dennis Hopson, but thankfully, I’ve seen the light. Ben can play. However, he’d be more valuable at the point. He’s 6’2. You know what they call 6’2 shooting guards who aren’t Allen Iverson? They call them David Wesley. Not bad, but not that good.
And just what does it say about the Bulls that Luol Deng is already the best player on the team? It’s not even close? Just watch him out there. He’s the only guy with a clue as to how to attack a defense and he’s already the best passer on the team. I’m just giddy about Luol, if you haven’t noticed. And, the best thing about having a guy from the Sudan on your team is that if Barnum and Bailey accidentally forgot to take a lion home with them and he runs out onto the court, Luol will save everybody. So, the Bulls have that going for them. Which is nice.
————
Because it’s the law, we have to devote space to Sammy Sosa in every Dose, apparently. There are now conflicting reports from New York about whether a Sosa-Floyd deal will get done. But if you’re already counting on Sammy not being around in February, don’t fret. (Did I just use the word, fret?) The day after the NY Post reported that a Sosa trade was falling apart, Newsday ran this piece about Omar Minaya and Sammy.
The Post article says that a Mets’ source is worried that the Cubs-Mets won’t be able to get the money right, and that the $4.5 million option buyout is the sticking point. How many of us think that if the Cubs are that close to finding a taker for Sammy that they would let $4.5 million block the trade? Hmm?
Meanwhile, Todd Walker is talking to the Rangers and this Tony Womack to the Cubs thing might really be happening. I’m getting queasy just thinking about it.
In fact, I need a break. I think I’ll chat with Virtual Elvis for a while. That ought to calm me.
————
Phew.
Dave van Dyck gives credence to the Womack rumors. Even Elvis can’t help me now. Why? Why? How about Kenny Lofton AND Tony Womack? Oh, that’d be great. I’m going to need some hose, some duct tape, a running car and a garage.
Groucho’s losing his touch, the best he can muster for an Eddy Curry trade this week is Vince Carter. But he already floated that last week. Get to work, Groucho.
Teddy Greenstein on the Illini football coaching search. Why Mike Leach? Well, if Joe Tiller can go to five straight bowl games with his wild-assed offense at Purdue, Leach can do it at Illinois. And I think the Illini fans would take five straight bowl games, don’t you?
Skip Myslenski still needs a haircut, and he points out that the Big Ten takes it in the rump every year in the ACC-Big Ten “challenge.”
Phil Rogers on the A’s trade for Jason Kendall, and he says that the Cardinals are in the hunt for Randy Johnson and are offering…get this…Reggie Sanders! Ooh, I’m sure the Snakes will be all over that. Oh, and throw in that 26-year old AAA first baseman!
Jeff George. I suppose he’ll wear number one. I guess that means somebody will have to call Jeff Jaeger and give him the bad news that the Bears’ won’t be reitiring it for him.
Eddy and Tyson don’t want to leave. What are they, insane?
Oooh, the Insight.com bowl! How special!
Mariotti puts down the doughnut to tell us he’s going to try and convince the Bears to sign Drew Brees this offseason. That’s nice, Jay, but does Drew want to come and get in a QB controversy with Rex Grossman? Probably not.
Apparently this Jeff Jordan kid has a dad who is good at basketball, too.
Peter King’s MMQB. He thinks the Colts’ defense is getting better. No. They just got to play the Bears and Lions in back-to-back weeks, is all.
The Mets are after Pedro. Is it time for me to float my Pedro-for-closer idea for the Cubs, again?
Yeah, and I want a pony, and I’m not getting that either, Orlando.
The Rangers think Todd Walker can play third base. We have no evidence of that. Plus, that Hank Blalock guy’s pretty good. Right?
Any team dumb enough to sign Jeff Cirillo deserves what it gets. Nothing.
The Mariners are trying to sign both Carlos Delgado and Richie Sexson.
Damian Miller may or may not have flunked his physical.
Sure, “Alexander” is tanking because Americans are homophobic. It couldn’t just be that the movie does most of the sucking, could it?
America’s finest news source says that the Swift Boat guys won’t stop harrassing John Kerry.
Apparently, I have a son named Joe that plays alongside Jeffrey Jordan.
What no love?
I was so bad that Ditka put Sweetness under center for a series. No kidding.
Seriously, that Van Dyck article seemed to be another in the Tribune’s "Pudding Time!" Series, where they wake up some old, increasingly senile Chicago sports scribe lifer and have him churn out some incoherent pablum about their baseball team. They did it two weeks ago with Fred Mitchell’s Trip Down Dementia Lane in his Kerry Wood interview, and now this.
To wit:
"The most logical answer is signing Beltran to play center field and moving Corey Patterson to left."
Now c’mon. To some people–like the lithium-riddled Van Dyck apparently–the difference between right and left field is moot. And that’s true if you have two aging gasbgas like Alou and Sosa in the corners. But how deep of a sleep was Van Dyck in to suggest that Patterson would move to LEFT and not RIGHT? Now that Dusty finally has gotten his way and used the authority vested in him by Jim Hendry to drop Sosa to 6th in the batting order, do you think he’d really just GIVE Fat Sam the right field turf in ’05? Van Dyck apparently things so.
The Womack paragraph is just hilarious. "But he can lead off" is all Dave writes in Womack’s defense. He also doesn’t understand the meaning of "career year". What a tired, old, hack.
It’s sad, really, that the Tribune Sports Department has no muscle left. Between the vanilla boring Rick Morissey and the recycled geriatrics Mitchell and Van Dyck (and poor old Bill Jauss, who earns his pudding by being dispatched to DeKalb to cover the always-ignored Hukies), the Trib really doesn’t have a clue, do they? What’s next? Digging up the corpse of Ring Lardner to fill us in on the Garciaparra negotiations?
BTW: just got my shirt in the mail, and it is sweet. IT’S TIME.
If Sammy’s back next year he’s in right.
At least he can’t overthrow home anymore. Hell, he can’t overthrow Todd Walker anymore.
Hey Sloth,
Thanks for ordering a shirt. You know, those make fabulous Christmas presents.
Your 2005 Chicago Cubs starting lineup! Get out the fun, dudes!!
2B–Tony Womack
SS–Neifi Perez
RF–Sammy Sosa
3B–Aramis Ramirez
1B–Derrek Lee
CF–Corey Patterson
C–Michael Barrett
LF–Jason Dubois
We have World Champions written all over us! Or What Crap. Thanks Jim Hendry.
Why not Jeff George? Why not George Jefferson? What could be worse than what we saw last Turkey Day?
Jeff George getting 760 K for the final five games of the season is the equivalent of someone winning the lottery. It is easily one of the 10 Dumbest Moves By a Chicago Franchise.
As for those panicking over the lack of movement by the Cubs (or any other major league team, for that matter), Dec. 7 will be the date when things start hopping. Signing a free agent now means giving up draft picks. Waiting till after Dec. 7 to see if the player’s old club offers salary arbitration makes sense. Also, figuring out if they cna move Sammy will play a major role: move him and you can sign Beltran. If he can’t be dealt, the likelihood of signing Beltran becomes less and you focus even more on SS and LF. If today was Jan. 29, then you could criticize. But it’s not, so give the man a chance to do something.
Dude, I’m jazzed about a Womack/Neifi 1-2 combo. This ain’t little league, man. Walks ain’t fun, cloggin’ up the bases and shit.
Honesty compels me to point out that if it was 3rd and 36, you would lose an average of 13 yards on the first two plays, not 18.
A couple of questions:
Why does it still say "Special for the Tribune" on Van Dyck’s stories?
Does anybody really believe the Cardinals have the available talent to pull off a deal for Randy Johnson? I’ve mentioned numerous times how bad their minor league system is, and Reggie Sanders is the best big leaguer they can come up with? The Haren/Calero/Ankiel package makes some sense, but that would really leave them with nothing as far as young players go.
Did I really leave the Tribune for the greener pastures of Churchill Downs?
It means that I’m not a staffer. I’m a freelancer, i.e. paid by the article.
"It means that I’m not a staffer. I’m a freelancer, i.e. paid by the article."
What Dave forgot to mention is that he doesn’t get paid in cash but, rather, cases of tapioca.
Andy, you’re probably right, but why do the writers just assume Fat Sam’s in Right rather than pressing the issue? For one thing, it’s a valid point. While corner outfielders are generally average to begin with, if throw Patterson into the mix, why would you put him in the MORE insignificant corner, playing down his strengths and continuing to expose Sosa’s Drunk-Bear-On-A-Bicycle routine in Right? For another, forcing Sam Me to left field would increase the likelihood of him waiving his ’06 option, no? With his pride, he can’t imagine being in the same park that’s kissed his ass for a decade and having to move to new territory. I’d like to see the idea catch on rather than just shot down wholesale by everybody.
No way is Jason Dubois in LF, #8. I want another proven vet so we’re re-signing Mo, dude.
No reality show updates this season? what up? Surely the train wrecks that Survivor and Apprentice have become are worthy of scorn.
This ain’t going to happen, but hows about:
Walker 2b
Garciapara SS
Beltran CF
Ramirez 3b
Lee 1b
Floyd/Hollandsworth/DuBois LF
Patterson RF
Barrett C
Floyd and Hollandsworth sharing the bulk against righties (depending on which of the two is hurt at the given moment) with DuBois playing against lefties?
Best Cubs line-up ever.
I will also be subbing for CP in right, sub for CP when he subs for CB in center, and sub for DLee at first base.
Think of me as your $6 million supersub. Just remember that my body breaks in half after 350 AB’s so use with caution.
Walker 2b
Lee 1b
Beltran CF
Ramirez 3b
Garciapara SS
Hollandsworth/DuBois LF
JD Drew RF
Barrett C
Check out my fan club, y’all
http://www.geocities.com/lenkasper/
I’m batting seventh? WTF?
I’m going nowhere. That’s why dream no. 19 has at least a touch of realism to it.
Why not the cubs bite a bullet and sign beltran anyways if they cant move sosa since his contract comes off the books next year? i mean they have been loucy for awhile. yea..i just realized we aint the yankees. Ok it was wishful thinking.
SS Renteria
2B Walker
CF Beltran
3B E-ramis
1B D. Lee
RF Patterson
LF Floyd/Hollandsworth (whichever one’s ambulatory)
C Barrett
What is all this carping over Jeff George? He has more TDs than INTs and is cheap (50k per game). The Bears love to play the numbers and the TD to INT ratio, coupled with the low price tag make this a McCaskey No-Brainer.
And isn’t George a better alternative than Quinn? I mean, really, don’t you want the Bears to field anyone but Quinn? What are your options? The decrepit, injured Tim Couch?
I’m no Jeff George Cheerleader, but he’s the best of a lot of bad options. Angelo and the McCaskeys are in a pickle: You run Quinn out onto the field and you are tempting to incite a riot. Grossman is busted, Krenzel is on the shelf and shouldn’t be allowed back this year, and Hutchinson, while bucking for the Ugliest 2004 Bear Award, will get a shot to prove how good Krenzel is. I’ll give Chad a chance, but I want Jeff George on the bench for the possibility of a record number of 3-and-outs by Hutchinson.
For those that are complaining about George getting a fluke win or two and ruining the Bears’ chance at a top draft pick, the 4 wins have already secured a 5-10 draft slot. And if you thought the pipedream of a #1 pick by the Bears would yield a franchise player, then you haven’t been paying attention.
Yeah, I agree with Jake! Isn’t there a place for Andy’s synopsis of the Lesbian Line-Up on this year’s Survivor? Head Lesbian and Cult Leader Ami is neck-and-neck with Scout for Hateable Lesbian Stereotype Who Thinks All Men Are Idiots. At least Ami is hot and has naked pics out on the internet. All Scout has is a busted knee, a 1969 burned bra, and a face more wrinkled than Charles Bronson.
Andy,
If the Bears were 3rd & 36, wouldn’t that mean they lost 26 yds on those first two plays?
1.Bears trade 1st round pick for Rick Mirer.
2. Bears draft Cade McNown.
3. Bulls trade Brad Miller and Ron Artest for Jalen Rose and Travis Best.
4. Cubs trade Jon Garland for Matt Karchner.
5. Cubs sign Todd Hundley to multi year deal.
6. White Sox trade Keith Foulke for Billy Koch.
7. Bears draft Stan Thomas in the first round.
8. White Sox trade for Roberto Alomar twice.
9. White Sox trade for Carl Everett twice.
10. Blackhawks trade Jeremy Roenick for Alex Zhamnov, trade Ed Belfour for nothing, trade Chris Chelios for nothing, trade Bryan McCabe for Alex Karpotsov, trade Dominik Hasek for Christian Ruttu…need I go on?
…But the George signing would be about 1,346th.
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