The worst kept secret of the offseason was let out of the bag when Nomar Garciaparra signed a one-year $8 million deal with the Cubs yesterday. The deal has incentives in it that could make it worth as much as $11 million and rumors abound that the Cubs and Nomar have had wink-wink discussions on the framework of a long-term deal should Nomar turn in a monster 2005 season.

Todd Walker will also be back, and we’re all relieved that rumors of interest in Tony Womack were just a smokescreen designed to set Walker’s value and scare the living hell out of every Cubs fan.

While the Cubs and their fans are excited about a full season of a presumably healthy Nomar, it is not without some sadness that Desipio has lost yet another whipping boy.

First, Chip Caray was shown the door, followed immediately by Wendell Kim, and now Gabor Bako is gone, too?

Bako’s two year stint with the Cubs allowed him to put up some immortal numbers.

Games: 119
At bats: 326
Runs: 32
Hits: 71
2B: 21
3B: 3
HR: 1
RBI: 27
BB: 37
K: 76
SB: 1
SBA: 2
Avg: .217
OBP: .294
SLG: .315

We’ll always have his three dropped third strikes in the 2003 playoffs to remember him by. Or his weak flyout to left field to give the Marlins the pennant. We’ll always have his bases clearing triple in Cincinnati that year that ended Ken Griffey, Jr.’s season, and of course his game winning jack against the Brewers last September. Oh, Gabor. How we’ll miss you so.

So, the Cubs replaced Gabor by giving twice what they paid him to Henry Blanco. This is the same Henry Blanco with a career .216 batting average. And yet, it’s entirely possible that Hank White could be much more valuable to the Cubs than Gabor. Of course, it’s possible that a new pine tar rag could be more valuable to the Cubs than Gabor.

Nomar’s return fills a crater sized hole at short. Playing on one leg he easily outperformed the Alex Gonzalez-Rey Ordonez-Ramon Martinez troika last year. Given a soccer free offseason he should be good for a .300, 25, 100 season.

Walker’s return was also key. He deserves extra credit now for taking a direct slap at Chip and Steve in his conference call last night, “We have a good group of guys, though Steve Stone and Chip Caray may not say that.”

Everybody said the Cubs didn’t have a real leadoff guy last year, but Walker batted 228 times in the leadoff spot and hit .294 with a .370 on base average and posted an OPS of .907. What, we won’t take that? The team that won the World Series last year, the…uh…Red Sox…their leadoff guy, the one who looks like Jesus posted an on base average of .380 and an OPS of .857. Who cares if your leadoff guy doesn’t steal any bases? Just get his ass on base.

Moises Alou was sent packing and he commented yesterday that most of all he’s going to miss the bars. You have to love that. Moises was always misunderstood. Was he lazy? Oh, sure he was. But he could hit. He played left field with the disinterest normally shown by people sitting through the sales pitch at a time share resort, when all they really want is the free Disney World tickets. But Moises was well liked and respected in the clubhouse. He was as low maintenance as Sammy is high maintenance. But he’s 38 or 48 or whatever and bringing him back for another year, when in reality he only put up one really good season in his three years in Chicago anyway, just wasn’t a wise move.

Obviously, Carlos Beltran is sitting atop the Cubs’ wish list and even if they don’t trade Sammy they’re going to make a serious run at Carlos. And why not? Let’s do some math.

Say the Cubs sign JD Drew to play left field for 2005 and then right field for the next four years after that and have to pay him $11 million per year? Granted, JD’s numbers last year were studly and he walked more by himself–116 times–than the entire Cubs’ team did. OK, that’s not more than the team, but still.

Is that doable? Sure it is.

So if you offer Beltran a six year deal at $100 million, why couldn’t you make his big payroll year, next year? Say instead of just over $16 million every year, you pay him $12 million in 2005 and then $17 million the next four?

If the Cubs are serious about getting Beltran, and it seems like they are, whether they have Sammy next year will only impact the structure of the contract, not the amount.

————

Yesterday, the Illini introduced their new football coach and Ron Guenther pronounced that Ron Zook is the right man at the right time. And then Zook managed to mispronounce Illinois almost every time. He did say it right once, when he read it the first time off his notes (he must have written a pronouncer next to it: Ill-uh-noy) but the rest of the times, it was Ill-uh-noise. Guh. How can you recruit to a place you can’t say?

The Irish still have no football coach and it appears they’re down to former ND Heisman finalist and national championship QB Tom Clements and former gastric bypass surgery recipient Charlie Weis. Neither one has ever been a head coach in college or the NFL. Neither one will work out at Notre Dame. They might as well just start planning the 2007 coaching search right now.

It didn’t have to be this way. All they had to do was work through an intermediary and find out that Urban Meyer’s deal with Florida was already verbally agreed to the day they fired Ty Willingham and then give Ty another year. But they didn’t. Because their decision to fire him was pretty rash. But then, they’ll be going through this again, pretty soon, so they’ll have plenty of practice.

———

The Yankees made a big splash by signing Braves’ pitcher Jaret Wright and Cardinals second baseman Tony Womack to multi-year deals.

Wait, the Yankees did that? The New York Yankees? Is this their way of levelling the competitive balance? By signing complete duds to expensive contracts?

Did they fire Brian Cashman and replace him with Kevin Malone? Excuse me while I smile until my face hurts.

———

Latrell Sprewell was suspended for a game after the crowd mics at a T’wolves-Clippers game caught him asking a fan to “Suck my @#$%.” I love how every news account makes sure to mention that the fan was a female. Does that make any difference? Are we trying to imply that it’s more offensive to say that to a woman, or is it their way of explaining to us that Latrell’s not gay? This wasn’t Denny Neagle, he wasn’t actually asking her to “Suck my @#$%” any more than you ask somebody to do the anatomically impossibility of “go f@#$ yourself.”

Speaking of Neagle, now that the Rockies have tried to void his contract (with $19 million left on it) for his arrest for soliciting a prostitute (coming on the heels of a DUI last offseason), shouldn’t we all send a couple of twenties and Mapquest directions to 65th street in Miami, to Sammy? Hey, it’s a thought.

———

MSG says that Sammy thought it was a done deal that he was going to the Mets. This trade isn’t dead. It’s not exactly “hot”, but the Mets are believed to still have more interest in him than they are publicly stating and are hoping that a perceived lack of interest will force the Cubs to pay more of Sammy’s 2005 salary than the Cubs currently plan on paying.

Zook says he’s going to bring better players to Illuhnoise. That’ll be a nice change of pace.

Ooh, Tom Clements! What, Blair Kiel’s not available?

Phil Rogers blames the Magglio Ordonez departure on Ken Williams. Look, I think Ken is an idiot, but when you have to decide on a player’s future by December 7 and he won’t work out for you until after that date, what are you supposed to do, just throw money at him blindly?

Rick Morrissey on Ron Zook and how his older brother used to beat on him.

Teddy Greenstein on Ron Zook. Damn, the Trib must have thought that this was important.

Mariotti put down the doughnut to take everything Jim Hendry said about Nomar to be a rip on Sammy. What color is the sky in Jay’s world?

The Cubs are solid up the middle. Especially if Nomar’s healthy, and if somebody can let Walker play second on rollerblades.

The Wizard of Roz says DNA altering is the next big baseball scandal. Hey, it’s easy to get a baseball player’s DNA, just seize the bedspread at their hotel.

Brad Radke signed to stay with the Twins. Didn’t he know that Henry Blanco had left?

Nomar says he came back for the fans. I honestly believe that the way he was received in Chicago on August 1 is what pushed him to come back. Remember how out of mind excited we all were? With good reason, this Nomar guy can play.

Spanish-yes.com baseball editor, and Intrepid Reader Jake Luft says like Elvis, we should remember the skinny Barry.

Spanish-yes.com contributor and Intrepid Reader Kelly Dwyer on the notable leadership style of Rafer “Skip to My Lou” Alston. Inspiring stuff, here.

Jon Lieber’s taking his wicked slider, weird hairline and pouty lips to the Phillies.

Jeff Pornstache is leaving the Astros. Maybe the Beege can go back to second? That’d be good. For the Cubs.

The Tigers are offering Steve Finley two years and $16 million. He’s gonna be FORTY next year. What, Ken Landreaux’s not available?

The Dodgers have asked Jose Lima to take his large breasted wife and his genital herpes and leave town.

The Nationals are letting Einar Diaz and Tony Batista leave? Are they nuts!?! Couldn’t they put them to work installing seats at RFK or selling hot dogs or something?

The Rockies have cut Mark Sweeney loose, and he could very well be part of the revamped Cubs’ bench, which currently includes The Neifi, Jose Macias and Todd “ouch, my leg” Hollandsworth…oh, and Hank White.

Al Leiter and El Pulpo are back in Miami. Can Moises be far behind? What about Scott Pose? Anybody know where Greg Hibbard went to? Somebody get me Chuck Carr on the phone!

Variety can’t decide if it liked Ocean’s 12 or not.

The world’s greatest newspaper with a woman Denny Neagle could have had 19 times.

Comments, click here