Rumors abound that the Cubs will complete a trade today for Twins leftfielder Jacque Jones. Who they will trade for him isn’t really known, because really, it’s only fun to make up half a trade rumor, the other half is where all the work is. It’s conceivable that it could be Captain Tightpants himself, Kyle Farnsworth. The Twins turned down a trade of Captain Tightpants and the oldest 25 year old in captivity, Juan Cruz, for AJ Eyechart. The Twins were right of course, they turned around and traded Eyechart to the Giants for Joe Nathan, and all he did was save 44 games in 47 chances.
Of course, it’s also possible that Jones could be re-signed by the Twins today at two years, $10 million, or that he could be non-tendered altogether and that the Braves will scoop him up.
So why the hell are we wasting precious space in today’s Dose on Jock Jones? Hmm?
Because we didn’t want to put the Cardinals’ trade for Mark Mulder on the front page. So let’s look at the Mulder deal and then we’ll get back to Jock, shall we?
The Satanic Fowl traded stripper/reliever Kiko Calero, pie faced righty Dan Haren and erstwhile catching prospect Deric Barton to the A’s for Mark Mulder. At first glance, the Cardinals took Billy Beane, bent him over and gave him the Lassie Edmonds’ treatment.
But Billy’s a lot of things, and dumb’s not one of them. After trading Tim Hudson this season, he didn’t need to trade Mulder. He’s at his projected payroll and he could hold a firesale for Mulder next year before his $7 million option kicks in for 2006. So why did he trade the best young lefty in the American League?
For one thing, as much as we refused to admit it while he was in St. Louis, Calero’s pretty freakin’ good. Last year he allowed only 27 hits in 45 innings and for his career he’s held batters to a .197 batting average. He’s also made out of paper mache and has been hurt and missed sizable chunks of both his big league seasons, though. But a lot of that could be just the normal overuse that anybody in a Tony LaRussa bullpen gets. The Genius likes to be on TV and trips to the pitcher’s mound are always televised. Why? I’m not sure. Nothing ever happens, except in the rare instance that it’s Grady Little and Pedro Martinez, or my favorite, the time Ramon Tatis told Jim Riggleman to go something to himself that is physically impossible.
Anyway…Haren’s a pretty good prospect, too. He’d have been in the Cardinals’ rotation this year, though given it’s current status, even with Mulder, if you and I showed up for spring training with a pair of spikes and a glove, we’d have a 45% chance of making that rotation.
Here’s what has to worry you, though, if you’re a Cardinals fan. I mean other than the constant worry that the propane tank is going to blow on your “house.”
Mark Mulder, 2004 — First half stats: 12-2, 3.21 ERA, 132 IP, 116 hits allowed, 92 K, 48 BB
Second half: 5-6, 6.13 ERA, 94 IP, 107 hits, 48 K, 42 BB
In the second half of 2003 he was slowed by a phantom hip injury and whispers were that the hip injury was back for the second half of 2004 and caused his hellacious performance.
It could be something. It could be nothing. But it’s interesting that Beane decided to cash this chip in early instead of using him in 2005 and hoping to drive his value up.
As for Jones, the Cubs know they need at least one outfielder because Moises Alou is back home in the Dominican driving into potholes the size of mid-sized farm animals. With the Dodgers offering JD Drew at least four years and $40 million, the Cubs can’t put all of their eggs into the Carlos Beltran basket. So, trading for Jones, a solid, but unspectacular player makes some sense.
What’s the worst-case scenario for Cubs fans? How about trading for Jones, trading Sammy to the Mets to clear room for Beltran and then not signing Beltran? That outfield of Cliff Floyd-Corey Patterson-Jock Jones will scare everybody, won’t it?
Buster Olney took a minute from gazing at the Yankee logo while touching himself to appear on ESPN yesterday morning and saying that after talking to a Mets “representative” about Omar Minaya’s wedding day grabass with Sammy Sosa and Sammy’s agent, that “the trade will happen.”
Even if the Mets sign Moises Alou today or tomorrow for left field, they’ll still be after Sammy. Even if they sign Carlos Delgado to play first base (why anybody in the NL wants Carlos is beyond me, but…) they’ll still be after Sammy. They know they’re not going to get Beltran. If he decides he can stomach New York after all, he’s going to pick the Mets over the Yankees? I don’t think so.
Anyway, how good is Jock Jones? Well, his numbers indicate he’s a slightly better than average left fielder. He’s a career .284 hitter with good, though not great power. He’s an excellent defensive outfielder and can run. But he lacks plate discipline. He’s basically a less talented, slower Corey Patterson. Great! Let’s sign him up.
———-
The Bears offense took yet another day off yesterday. The Bears have now scored three offensive touchdowns in the last six weeks. Is that bad?
Yesterday the line decided it was too cold to block and the receivers thought it was too cold to catch. But the most interesting thing happened in the post-game press conference with erstwhile quarterback Chad Hutchinson.
Brad Palmer asked him, in a roundabout way, if he was embarrassed by the performance of the team. Chad didn’t say yes, though he should have, because if that crap doesn’t embarrass you, nothing will. Then again, Chad played horrific acoustic guitar on HBO for six weeks in 2002 and that didn’t seem to embarrass him, either.
Chris Zorich, a man who was an incredibly good college football player but nothing more than a towel-waving mascot for the Bears, ripped the question, and trotted out the old, tired, “guys who didn’t play can’t understand” crap.
Look, Zorich and the rest of the former Bears rabble who overpopulate the airwaves before and after games, if you had to be an NFL player to truly understand football, then how about only former NFL players watch the games on TV and buy tickets to them?
I’ve never made a car, but I can drive one. I’ve never made a movie, but I know when they suck. I’ve smelled bulls@#$ and I can tell you it’s a lot like what was coming out of your mouth on the postgame show.
———-
The suddenly red-hot Bulls are taking the NBA by storm and…OK, they’re not taking anything by storm, but they are playing like a real team and have won three in a row and four of their last six. I’m sure they’ll be planning the Grant Park rally any time now.
My favorite moment of the young Bulls’ season came during their win over the Bucks on Thursday night. Tyson Chandler was blocking shots left and right and because they were playing the Bucks, it was pretty empty and quiet in the United Center. If you had even the most basic of surround sound systems you could hear everything on the “court mic” plain as day. The shoes squeaking, the PA announcements, Scott Skiles urging Eddy Curry to “jump” occasionally. And you heard this, as plain as day.
One of the Bucks got a pass in the lane and turned for what he thought was going to be an easy ten foot jumper. Tyson Chandler, however, had other ideas. He sprinted from the baseline and jumped just as the Bucks player was starting his shooting motion.
Tyson then yelled, for all of our innocent ears to hear, “Get that s@#$…”
Then he reached up with his right hand and swatted the shot into the Luvabulls and continued “…out of here!”
I don’t think I’ve ever seen or heard a guy start that particular taunt before he even did it. Nicely played, Mr. Chandler.
———–
The Bears aren’t offensive. At all. Blecch.
Paul Edinger has turned into John Roveto before our very eyes.
Groucho (surprise!) with an Eddy Curry trade idea and word that Latrell wants to send Ben Gordon a five fingered Christmas present.
Valpo? Illinois played Valpo and it wasn’t even on TV? Did it really even happen?
James Augustine can’t wait for Mizzou. I can’t either. They stink.
Moises drives like he runs the bases. Poorly.
Sammy to the Mets isn’t dead.
First, Chris DeLuca says that Sammy is screwing up the Cubs’ chances at Carlos Beltran, then he says he’s not. Whatever.
Mariotti puts down the doughnut to urinate on the Bears front office. What’s new? Except that they deserve it. And by the way, just who were the morans who actually went to the game yesterday? Why would you go? Seriously.
Bud has to approve the Randy Johnson trade. Yeah, like he’s got balls enough to say no to the Yankees about anything.
Bruce Miles says the Cubs have to find a closer and trade Sammy. Gee, ya think? Oh, and Jose Macias might get non-tendered today. Is nothing sacred?
Crusty old Sid Hartman says Jock may stay in Minneapolis. Or is it St. Paul? Oh, who cares?
Placido Polanco accepted arbitration from the Phillies, so he won’t be returning to St. Louis. Man, doesn’t anybody want to play second or short for the Cardinals? Well, there’s always Bo Hart and Hector Luna.
If the Reds non-tender D’Angelo Jiminez, the Cubs should sign him, just so he can’t hit a freakin’ homer against them every time he faces them.
Sometimes the extra point isn’t extra. Muahahahahahahahahaha.
Peter King’s Monday Morning Quarterback, on how “gutsy” Eli Manning is. Oh, whatever.
Doesn’t that baby look a lot like a puppy? I’m confused.
America’s finest news source with a Minnesota family’s big secret that is just boring.
Mulder? Best young lefty in the AL? Screw you, Dolan.
Yeah, I’m an idiot. Trading Billy Koch was PURE folly, FOLLY, I tell you!
And how could we not pay big dollars for Giambi? That killed us too.
Mulder’s arm will fall off before the all-star break!
Now we’re gonna find out how much of a guru Billy Beane is when you take away Hudson and Mulder!
I meant best "white" lefty of course. I thought you could tell with the secret handshake and all.
I’m learning from the Jay Mariotti School of Journalism.
"Coach of the Week
Baltimore defensive coordinator Mike Nolan. "
then 20 lines later
"Peyton Manning, against a formidable and quick and punishing defense, outlasted the best the Ravens could throw at him and won the game of wits with Ray Lewis and defensive coordinator Mike Nolan. "
Damn, what does it say when the best coach of the week gets outcoached by the player he’s supposed to stop.
Hey- lay off. It’s hard to type with the Manning family nutsac on my chin.
"And by the way, just who were the morans who actually went to the game yesterday?"
Mike Donohue. 32. Chicago
"Why would you go? Seriously."
Free tickets.
It wasn’t so bad; so long as you dressed for it, and smuggled enough Knob Creek in with you. The booze was for the cold weather, but we were forced to drink more to erase what we were watching on the field.
Beane didn’t get bent over…neither did the Deadbirds.
We did. Effing Cardinals. They can have his White Sux-dick breath.
I’m another moran who went to the game. I have season tickets, and me and my three moran buddies arrived at the Adler Planetarium parking lot at 9, which is an hour later than usual.
We’re idiots, for sure, and frozen beer and bloody marys don’t taste particularly good when it’s solid.
But c’mon! It was a chance to see Chad Hutchinson! Thomas Jones! Hunter Hillenmeyer!
There’s a reason the tickets were free, Mike.
If you take the PECOTA protections of the A’s starting pitchers and add the ZiPs multiple regressions, there is no doubt that the A’s will score 26 more runs will allowing 16 less.
I’m also very concerned about the Cubs getting a #5 starter!!!
Well, they’re family tickets, Chucky Boy. SOMEBODY had to use them and, being the youngest in my family, they fell to me.
I’m retired! Does this mean I get the senior special at Denny’s?
from rotoworld.com:
Mike Mordecai today was named manager of the Jamestown Jammers, the Marlins’ affiliate in the New York-Penn League.
This must mean he’s retired. Mordecai indicated last month that he hoped to keep playing, but the 37-year-old probably wasn’t receiving much interest. Mordecai finishes his career with a .245/.303/.363 line in 1,360 at-bats over 11 seasons with Atlanta, Montreal and Florida. Dec. 20 – 3:11 pm et
:::SOMEBODY had to use them:::
17,763 people disagree. Those people decided that staying home and wasting sunk costs was a more enjoyable option.
And they was right.
C’mon, Chuck. You’ve never lived until you can watch in person Marc Colombo show the mobility and effectiveness of a traffic cone!
Seriously, I had a good time, the play of the Bears notwithstanding.
If the Bears actually won the game (and the Texans just about the Bears to win it until Lovie Smith declined that delay of game penalty), we’d spend today cursing that bad snap on the Lions’ PAT attempt. Had the Lions won and the Bears won, the Bears would be in legitimate NFC North contention.
I know no team in the NFC North would finish higher than second in either division of the SEC, but hey, it would have meant another home game in January, probably at night!
I thought there was a delay of game penalty but wasn’t sure until I just read that. They didn’t talk about that at all on TV. So they went for it and got the first down without the announcers once referring to the extra five yards. Wow.
"17,763 people disagree. Those people decided that staying home and wasting sunk costs was a more enjoyable option.
And they was right."
So 17,763 self-indulgent pussies blew their $75.00 on a ticket because they were too lazy/weak tired to make it down there. I’m supposed to defer to their grim contentedness?
Trust me. Sitting 300 feet above Lake Michigan in single-digit temperatures, passing around a bottle of hooch is more special than sitting on your ass in your own living room, yelling at your TV.
And if that remendous gang of assbags actually didn’t suck yesterday, we’d be all giddy today.
I imagine the announcing team was the best CBS had to offer for that dandy.
How do you decline that penalty when the Texans are going to GIVE you the ball? Moran.
This guy doesn’t do shit! He hasn’t signed anybody yet! He needed a left fielder and great players like Richard Hidalgo and David Dellucci are signed now! He needed a closer and he won’t even call Donn Pall or Jeff Brantley. What is he doing?
We were the announcing team, TJ. We were great. Tasker called the Bears quarterback Chad Johnson and Criqui pronounced Urlacher four different ways.
Seen on the Packer game: some dickstick wearing a bishop’s mitre with "Saint Vince" painted on it.
Vince has been feeding worms for over thirty years.
Makes the Ditkaphiles seem like they actually Have a Life…
Home this week…saw Cap’n Tightpants on TV today…on "Maury".
Good news for him..he was found to NOT be the father of Nateesha’s baby.
:::So 17,763 self-indulgent pussies blew their $75.00 on a ticket because they were too lazy/weak tired to make it down there. I’m supposed to defer to their grim contentedness?:::
Some blew more than $75 per.
I’m not suggesting that you have to do anything. I’m suggesting that your statement, that "SOMEBODY had to use them," ain’t right.
I sat on my ass yesterday watching two boys go nuts with their stash of new toys and baby formula spill on my couch. All while sipping chilled Diet Coke and noshing on Costco pizza.
I haven’t lived? Try my slippers, pal. It’s enough to make you wish you were 300 feet BELOW Lake Michigan without a wetsuit.
Chuck,
In my case, it’s the truth. They’re family tickets. If NOBODY uses them, then the old man’s not happy. Since I live in the city and had nothing else going on, I was more than glad to "take one for the team" and go out there.
Back in 94? – 93? I went to a Lions-Bears game right after Christmas and it was -15 wind chill at kickoff. The Bears needed a win to keep their playoff hopes alive. Barry Sanders had one of his typical, 19 carries for 21 yards games going until he broke one for 60 and the Bears lost.
I vowed I’d never sit through any game in weather like that ever. It was so cold, the beer we smuggled in in our coats froze. It was 70 degrees with no wind (well I broke it a few times) on my couch. I’d rather have put up with Criqui and Tasker than sat in a stadium so cold that my knees froze in their bent-and-locked position.
But Andy, this wasn’t Jim Harbaugh leading the Bears.
This was Chad Hutchinson. This was Terry Shea’s OFFENSIVE GENIUS!
No Barry Sanders, but Thomas Jones was out there!
Ah, what the hell? I didn’t get frostbite, or pneumonia. I enjoyed a couple frozen beers and bloody marys in the parking lot, and although my seat is the top row of the south end zone and there was little to stop that northerly wind…
Look, we were all hoping for the wind to shift and come from the east, resulting in a Michigan City-esque snowstorm to hit around halftime.
Now THAT would have been fun.
I’m waiting to hear from Jackie Chiles and the rest of Chuck’s legal team, re: my stealing his material about the joys and pains of raising my boys in leafy Northbrook. Which reminds me of a precious anecdote …
Mike:
Next time, tell your dad you are going. Take the tix. Get in a car and drive to someplace like the Burwood Tap. Go in. Tell the bartender that you’ve got tickets for the game, best offer in the next 10 minutes. Sell the tix. Use proceeds to buy beer.
Go home. Tell dad we had a great time.
Lying to parents. Not hard to do.
I tried to read the article on the Sun Times site, but it seems I’ve been banned.
I DEMAND they tell me WHY!
Burwood tap? Too Trixie for my age/marital status.
No, when not witnessing the Bears stinking up the lakeshore in person, I’s does my Sunday imbibing at the Celtic Crown on Western Ave. $1.50 Miller Lite and $.25 wings. Mmmmmm.
It’s also about 400 feet from my front door.
Burwood isn’t a Trixie spot. Well, it wasn’t for the 6 years it was 500 feet from my door.
Too smoky and Chicago Athletic Club singles-on-the-prowl for Trixies.
Maybe it’s changed. How sad. If you want Trixies, go to Mauve at Wrightwood and just about Southport. Plasma TVs and fake boobs galore.
"Trust me. Sitting 300 feet above Lake Michigan in single-digit temperatures, passing around a bottle of hooch is more special than sitting on your ass in your own living room, yelling at your TV."
Wanna bet? One of my greatest pleasures in life is yelling back to the Commander-in-Chief.
Go back to the Sloth’s site, Stew. Or you can spend your day reading the profound writings of the goatriders. Good stuff.
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