Hey, your girlfriend's ugly!  And she can't sing!Honestly, I haven’t heard this much talk about streaks since our school bus hydroplaned right after a chili supper. (I have no idea what that means.) But while one lived on last night. Two are in the ether.

Illinois ran their current winning streak to 20 games, meaning that they’ve won every game since Chris Duhon’s gutty (snicker, snicker) performance in last year’s NCAAs. Wisconsin’s impressive 38 game home winning streak is over, as is the 16 game win streak the Badgers enjoyed when Mike Wilkinson’s pie-faced girlfriend sung the national anthem before games. At least in this game, the Illini left no doubt in the closing minutes so she could actually face the court from her seat in the Wisconsin band.

They’re quite a pair, those two. She’s a band geek and he’s a rat-toothed guy who Dick Vitale thinks can play in the NBA. He’s white, and couldn’t jump over the Brodhead, Wisconsin phone booth. I see him more as bench fodder for the CBA’s Yakima Sun Kings.

Besides, being outplayed down the stretch by James Augustine and Jack Ingram aren’t exactly bullet points on your NBA resume.

But that’s what happened. Illinois found themselves down 56-48 in the second half and Wisconsin was throwing in shots from near halfcourt. The Kohl Center was rocking. The drunken students had their red and black tie-dye on and adrenaline was kicking in just about the time their contact highs had started to wear off. But head coach Bo Ryan had to rest Wilkinson some time and for some reason he rested him and Alando Tucker at the same time. Illinois went on a run. Wilkinson came back in time to score back-to-back buckets…and then, apparently he headed down to State Street for a couple beers because he was not heard from again.

Ingram launched a three from the top of the key to tie the game at 58. On the next trip, he said, “Oh, what the hell?” and tossed in another one. Those two three pointers gave Illinois the lead and doubled his three point output for the season.

But the reason Illinois won and Wisconsin lost last night came in the last six minutes. Wisconsin was held without a field goal by a stifling Illinois defense. Their guards couldn’t beat the Illini guards off the dribble. Their offense stalled. Wilkinson could get the ball, but only in time to get double teamed. Sharif Chambliss wasn’t any good at Penn State and reminded the world of that by bricking threes last night in the second half.

On the other end, Illinois was calmly running its offense. Two point game? Augustine fakes a pick, makes an L cut and Deron Williams whips a pass past Chambliss’ ear to Augie for a dunk.

Next possession, another Augustine dunk, this time off a pass from Luther Head.

With Devin Harris getting the doughnuts for morning practices in Dallas, the Badgers don’t have a real point guard. Illinois has three. It showed down the stretch.

The moment it was over came when Kammron Taylor drove to the hoop. Dee Brown was late getting to him and literally dove at his feet in an attempt to trip him. Taylor blew the layup, Illinois got the rebound, got fouled and the Badgers were not heard from again.

And by the way, can you really expect a guy to make a layup if he can’t spell his own name? Kammron? Huh?

So the Illini are 20-0 and 6-0 in the Big Ten. Their eight week run atop both polls will go to nine with a win on Saturday at the 100th anniversary game against Minnesota. Lou Henson’s going to be there. Kenny Battle’s going to be there. Red Kerr is going to be there. Three hundred former coaches and players will be there. And the coolest thing? The Illini will be decked out in 1989 throwbacks. A ninth week atop the polls will be the longest since one of those Duke teams did it in 2001 or 2002. Which Duke team? Oh, like anybody really cares.

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Is Dick Vitale a bad announcer? Yes, yes he is. Now, allow me to explain that I like him. I think he’s a great guy and his enthusiasm and excitement for the game is both genuine and valuable. But he’s a horrendous in-game analyst. Dick was made for the studio. He’s OK if you’re watching a game and you don’t have a vested interest in it, but otherwise he’s just yelling and talking more about players who aren’t on the teams in the game than he is the game he’s watching.

One cool thing from last night was that the midcourt camera at the Kohl Center is aparently mounted in Baraboo. It’s a looooong way back, but for some things it was particularly informative. First, you could see both teams run their offenses. Illinois’ is a thing of beauty. That Bruce Weber can install it and get it to work is proof he’s not as big a goof as he comes across as on TV. Second, it never gets old watching Deron Williams suck the momentum out of an opposing team’s basket by taking the inbounds pass and beating all of them down the court. The few times Wisconsin scored in the last 12 minutes of the game, it was a fire drill on their end to try and get somebody in front of Deron to keep him from going coast-to-coast.

Deron’s game can’t be defined by the stat sheet. There are nights when he’s scoring that it looks like he played better than he did, and nights like last night when his offense was good, but not spectacular, but the way he runs the team is tremendous. The Jason Kidd comparisons aren’t fair to Deron (because one, he’s not as athletic and two, he has yet to punch a woman into a plate glass mirror), but you know how we all sit around and wonder how good the Bulls would be if they had a point guard big enough to guard other teams’ two guards so Hinrich and Gordon wouldn’t be so exposed? Well…I’m not saying…I’m just saying.

And let me say something about the most famous of the Fighting Illini, Dee Brown. He didn’t have a great game. But if you are so inclined watch a tape of the last six minutes and watch him completely take Chambliss and Taylor out of the game on the offensive end.

One of the things Illinois’ early season blowouts of…everybody…hid was just how withering it is to be the opposing backcourt against Brown, Head and Williams. They run your ass up and down the court at full speed for the complete time they’re in the game. While ESPN was making excuses for Iowa’s guards tiring out because of a lack of depth against Illinois, the stat sheet showed that Illinois only played four guards anyway, and three of them are always in the game. You’ve heard the saying “fatigue makes cowards of us all?” Well, it didn’t make the Badgers cowards, but they had nothing left in the tank when they needed buckets to stay in the game in the final two minutes.

That’s just another reason why these Illini are so tough to topple.

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Carlos Delgado picked the Marlins over the Mets and Orioles, meaning that the Marlins will be paying him like $15 million when he’s 36 (ask the Cubs what a good idea that kind of deal is) and also meaning that the Mets are back in the Samuel Peralta Sosa derby.

Don’t believe it when you read some accounts that the Mets aren’t that interested anymore in Sammy, and that it won’t happen because the only guy who wants him is Omar Minaya. Nobody else in the Mets’ front office wanted Pedro Martinez, and last I checked…he’s a Met.

Omar wants it to happen. Sammy wants desperately for it to happen. Dusty Baker would stick a toothpick through an eyeball to make it happen. And for once, Jim Hendry may have the upper hand in an attempt to trade his erstwhile star. Instead of going into a negotiation and having the other team shovel s@#$ across the table at him, Hendry knows he’s got a much better shot at working a deal that’s beneficial to the Cubs in 2005 and beyond now. Sure he’s going to have to eat some salary, and sure he’s not going to get equal talent in return, but the disparity in talent and in money is going to be significantly less than what it was going to be. Meaning this time, it’s actually a good bet to happen.

I know a fair number of you were excited, perhaps even titillated (you sick f@#$s) by the news that Sammy was repeatedly and roundly booed by the Lemmings at the Cubs Convention. You may be disappointed to know that I’m not one of the boo-ers. I did boo Jim Frey, and I booed Chip Caray in absentia, but not Sammy.

Do I think Sammy should be brought back for 2005? Hell no. I’m not completely stupid. But I’m not going to boo a guy who from 1998 to 2002 was the greatest Cub anybody ever saw. Just remember, there were dopes who booed Ryne Sandberg and dopes who booed Greg Maddux and they were the same ones strapping on the knee pads for those guys last weekend at the Hilton.

Sammy’s not a villain. He’s a guy who served his purpose and can live out his days someplace else. But in his prime, he was freakin’ unbelievable, and I for one, will always remember him for that.