I have few vivid memories of my youth. It’s likely a combination of the (rough estimate) dozen concussions I suffered as a football player and the fact that in college I would drink my body weight in Old Style Light on a weekly basis. But I do remember this from the magical 1989 Flyin’ Illini season. The Illini were in Bloomington taking on the eventual Big Ten champion Hoosiers (you forget that neither Illinois or Michigan won the Big Ten that year, don’t you?), and Jay Edwards had the Illini on the ropes. He was flipping in threes from all over. But every time the Illini would go down by five or six, Nick Anderson would make a big play. He’d sky over somebody for an offensive rebound or bull his way into the paint for a dunk.
Dick Vitale was on hand for that one and with every successive Nick Anderson clutch play he’d yell, “Nick Anderson won’t let them lose!” You know how Dick is, he just got louder and louder. And when Nick threw in the 40 footer at the buzzer for the Illini win, Dickie V. completely lost his mind. It was great.
Last night, I was in the Dick Vitale position. I was seated comfortably on my couch watching Michigan claw and scrap (and get every frickairn call from the refs) their way to a lead. Illinois was down by nine and since I’d long ago turned off Brent Musberger and turned on the radio broadcast I could hear Brian Barnhart yell, “Illinois has never been down by double figures!”
Maybe Dee Brown heard it too? Over a span of seven Michigan possessions, Dee either stole the ball or forced a turnover five times. He ended up with three layups, a turnover of his own and a Luther Head three.
And every time, that dope on his couch yelled, “Dee Brown won’t let them lose!”
I think it’s time we get serious and adopt the Mike Ditka voice for this.
Because gang, that’s what it was. Dee Brown wouldn’t let the Illini lose. He got in his temmates’ faces, then he got in the Michigan passing lanes, gang. It’s what great teams do, gang. Somebody steps up. On this team, Luther Head takes the big shots and Dee Brown just goes out and gets the ball back, gang. You can sit around today and listen to experts tell you that Illinois is flawed and lucky, but every team has nights like they did. They were tired thanks to having to play Sunday-Tuesday and with Monday night’s travel all screwed up, gang. But when the chips were down and they had to make plays, gang. They made them. So if somebody wants to give you some crap, you ask them, “Who you crappin’?” and start chanting 24 and oh, like a mantra, gang. This stuff doesn’t happen every day, gang. So soak it in, and enjoy it. And if a Carolina fan wants to mock you for your team’s close calls against Michigan, Indiana and Iowa, you just put on your Santa Clara t-shirt, OK, gang?
Ahh, the Mike Ditka voice. It’s really something, isn’t it?
Dee Brown, Deron Williams and Luther Head never came out of the game in the second half. They are already all among the league leaders in minutes played. Are you telling me you can’t play Bake McBride six minutes in the second half and get each of them a little two minute blow? Huh?
By the way, Musberger has been on hand for three Illini games, the ugly wins over Missouri, Iowa and Michigan. I think it’s time to kidnap Musberger and Doughnuts Mariotti and leave them, naked and sweating out in the high desert of Arizona, and let the mountain lions sort things out.
Intrepid reader Mike D. shook off the horror of a Desipio-less Monday to send me this, this morning…
Nice how Mariotti takes a dump on a tough Illini win and make it ALL ABOUT HIM.
I give you, Jay Mariotti, Geek Sportswriter:
“He’s (Brown) the one who called out a certain Chicago sports columnist — Nostradamus, he calls himself — when he wrongly picked Wisconsin and Michigan State to beat the Illini. Actually, I stick by my theory that the Illini are better off losing a game before the NCAA tournament, a stance based on facts as much as gut feeling.â€Â
Thanks, Jay. You insufferable assbag.
Meanwhile, down the road in South Bend, the Fighting Irish were doing the impossible…making Digger Phelps look prescient with a win over previously unbeaten Boston College. It was one of those nights where everything went right for the Irish. Chris Thomas didn’t take 40 shots, made most of the ones he did take and dished out nine assists and Colin Falls made seven threes. And with all of that, plus the cool gold jerseys, the home court advantage and a BC team that couldn’t shoot to save their lives, the Irish won by three.
I don’t get this Notre Dame team. They’re good. They really are. They’re 14-6 now, which isn’t lousy, but if they make any free throws they win at Syracuse and if they even show up they beat DePaul at home. So what’s the deal?
Oh, and for anybody who thinks that Notre Dame spoiling BC’s undefeated basketball season makes up for BC ruining ND national title runs in 1993 and 2002, well, shut up.
The Bulls wore their home uniforms in Dallas last night so Mark Cuban could market some throwback green uniforms and apparently it confused Eddy, Ben, Kirk and Luol into thinking they really were playing a home game. The Bulls played very well, especially Luol for the first three quarters and Eddy and Ben in the fourth, and won a road game that really, none of us saw coming.
It felt like an NCAA tournament game because the colors on the court didn’t match the colors on the home team at all. But as you know, I’m a dope, so what do I know?
My favorite part of the game was a second quarter stretch when Andres Nocioni was guarding Dirk Nowitzki. Both are stalwarts (good word) on their respective national teams so as Ron White would say, “they’ve met” and you can tell Dirk dreads being checked by crazy Andres. It was beautiful. Dirk likes to hang out on the perimeter anyway, but with Nocioni on him he didn’t even look like wanted to cross half court. I watched just them for about ten straight possessions and when Dallas had the ball, Andres had an elbow jammed in Dirk’s ribcage the whole time.
Then, when Nocioni went out, Tyson Chandler checked Dirk. If you were allowed to wear a watch on the court, you’d have seen Dirk looking at it every two minutes and thinking, “When is this crap going to be over?”
It was good stuff.
As you know, we had some technical problems here at Desipio yesterday which resulted in a lost edition of the Daily Dose, and in the disappearance of the message board for a few hours. Well, the message board is back, but the Dose is gone forever. There was one joke I decided immediately would be recycled for today. It’s mean and I think it’s funny, so I’m not giving it up.
The Dose was mostly about the Super Bowl and the commercials and what ridiculousness the whole thing has become, and then there was some rambling about Magglio Ordonez and how desperate the Tigers are. Honestly, it wasn’t my best work, and no, it won’t end up as a lost chapter in an upcoming book or as a special feature on the Desipio DVD.
So here are the only two jokes you’d have remembered anyway. Oh, and the picture was of Eva Longoria and frankly, we don’t want to lose that.
So here it is, an abbreviated version of yesterday’s Daily Dose:
…is very depressing.
At least we can feel better about not getting a right fielder.
Oddly, however, Elton will NOT let the sun go down on HIM.
From IMDB:
Shaune Bagwell
Nickname – Dogs (ed note: Gotta find out why)
Height – 5′ 8″ (1.73 m)
——————————————————————————–
Mini biography
Shaune Bagwell was born to an English professor and the Chairman of the Board of a conveyor belt manufacturing company in Houston, Texas. A ballerina and former Miss San Jacinto, she was drawn to performing arts at a very young age. Spotted at school at the age of twelve by a local modeling agent who persuaded her parents to let her audition for a television commercial, she booked the commercial, and then a short time later, landed a small role in Paul Sorvino’s comedy, Vasectomy: A Delicate Matter (1986). With a genius level IQ, Shaune also has a natural love of science and medicine. Her studies of bacteriology and her theory of the New Ice Age earned her top accolades at several engineering science fairs, and she seriously considered a career in medicine. Scoring in the top one percent of her class on college entrance exams, she postponed formal education to pursue a career in modeling. Having traveled the world as a model, Shaune settled in Los Angeles to chase her dream of acting. After winning a role on the popular soap opera, “Days of Our Lives” (1965), and several films, she landed an up and coming series for the Women’s Entertainment Network, “Single in the City”, that was viewed worldwide in the spring of 2003.
Always fond of the fashion industry and a fan of the designer’s works, Shaune has appeared regularly in many magazines such as, People, InStyle, US Weekly, Women’s Wear Daily, and has been seen on the E! Channel. Even though She loves every aspect of the world of film and television, she hopes to one day earn her formal education degrees, and possibly become a doctor.
E! hostess who wants to be a doctor! Maybe she can give me a sherry enema.
Lemme tell you sumthin’, bruthas: The Illini have no quit in them, that’s for sure.
It is like the time I was up against the Million Dollar Man Ted DiBiase, and he kept coming at me with his hired goons. He had a million dollars and could easily buy up the contracts of the likes of King Kong Bundy, Bigg John Studd, and my arch nemesis Andre the Giant. He would send these huge guys after me, trying to weaken me before our championship match. But he couldn’t keep me from beating him, no matter how many elbows and sunset flips he hit me with. In our climactic showdown, I was always able to avert the Million Dollar Dream sleeper hold and it wasn’t until the end of the match when The Million Dollar Man felt the power of Hulkamania. I even managed to punch out his valet, Virgil, and send him to the showers early.
The Fighting Illini were just like that last night: They didn’t buckle under the hostile conditions. Sure, it looked bleak for a while, but eventually the Illini got fed up, tore off their rag shirts, and were able to drop the leg on Michigan with a late comeback.
All the people all over the world ask me, “Hulkster, dude! When is the Illini going to lose a game?” And I tell them as long as they believe in themselves and cheer on the Illini, they will be able to celebrate in April when Nick Smith raises his 13-inch pythons and cuts down the championship net STRAND! (muscle pose) BY! (muscle pose #2) STRRRANNNNNNNDDDDD! (hold muscle pose #3).
After the time that Hardball Times article focused on, the Cubs went on to more brilliance! They let Sutter and Maddux go after winning Cy Young awards, Madlock go after winning batting titles, and traded away Carter, Palmeiro and Dontrelle. And lets not forget dumping almost the entire division winning 89 team by 91, oh sorry they did it again after the 03 division winning team, with only one postion player who started that year (patterson) left. GO CUBS!!!!!
Considering that Korey was doing the Rehab Hop when the Cubs won in 2003 (and came from several games down without Korey), I consider this outfield to be completely new from the 2003 Division Champs.
It’s not like Corey was leading the Cubs in batting average, homers, RBI and stolen bases when he got hurt or anything.
Oh, wait….
Since my 9-1 start in 2003, I’m 15-16 with a 4.31 ERA.
Andy, you ignore that for the last 5 games before he got hurt Corey was in a slump, thus negating his entire year’s effort. Or something. Chuck will soon explain.
Close. 25 games. And the slump was a robust .216. I say robust because it’s higher than the .177 he posted for the last month of 2004.
I give this guy credit. When he goes good, he goes real good. When he sucks, he cleans the smog outta the atmosphere.
Well – I’m outta here boys! Detroit City here I come!
Andy, damn you for mentioning that 1989 Illinois-Indiana game! Actually, that was a hell of a game, and since I had no idea that I was going to go to IU at that point, I was sort of pulling for Illinois in that one.
Aw, crap.
Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
Chuck’s right about Corey. At the time of his injury in 2003 he had just grounded out, throwing him into a 0-1 tailspin that the would not come out of until opening day 2004 when he hit nine homers and drove in 40 runs against the Mets.
Another Big of Shit gone from last year’s team. Adios Farnsworthless and don’t let the door hit you in the ass on the way out and no kicking fans either.
I have to say again, you have to give Jim Hendry credit for at least making(what we as common sense Cub fans would have done last year already) moves to get rid of such waste:
Wendell Kim
Kent Mercker
Paul Bako
Tom Goodwin
Ramon Martinez
Alex Gonzalez(applauded that you at least did that last year)
Rey Ordonez(never should have had this piece of shit in the first place last
year)
Sammy Sosa
Moises Alou(you’re just old Moises, that’s all)
last but not least Kyle Farnsworthless
But you have to admit it, this year’s roster has a lot of those guys trying to make it with a second career turnaround:
Todd Hollandsworth
Jeremy Burnitz
Ryan Dempster
Glendon Rusch
Neifi Perez
Joe Borowski
Mike Remlinger
Nomar(he’s coming off an injury)
But I’ll give Hendry this, I do believe for the first time in awhile, we will have true team chemistry on this team for the first time since 1984.
Go Cubs.
In Baker Basher We Trust
Pedantic point, but Corey beat that one out and Goodwin pinchran for him.
http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/boxscore?gameId=230706116
Thank God…I have a spot on the 25-man roster now…take that, Dolan.
It was a Tino Martinez cheap shot that hurt him!
Or something.
What you notice about those 60s Cubs teams are that in reality, Ernie wasn’t that good. His OBP barely scratches 300, and his defense was never good either. Sure, he kept his SLG up and kept posting consistent 25-30 HR, 80-90 RBI years, but that ain’t so hot. Sounds kinda like me, your new RF, no??
Williams and Santo carried the 60s era Cubs, and to a lesser extent, the very good pitching the Cubs had from 63 on. Jackson, McDaniel, Abernathy sure, and later the big guns, Fergie and Bill Hands and Holtzman and Regan.
Were it not for consistently weak OF performance (other than Billy), they might have got over the top one year. Hmmm…what Cubs team does this sound like?
I never knew I played basketball, last I knew I was a non-rostered invitee for the D-Rays……
I confess it’s been almost two weeks since my last prediction. So let me hit you with a few words of prophetic wisdom. Aight?
Novoa will make the Cubs as a righty set up man out of Spring Training and become the seventh inning stopper and the bridge between the starters and the Latroy Hawkins/Mike Remlinger gang bang in the eighth. Then it’s Ryan Dempster-time about 44 times this year. And how many of these Cub relievers do you think will represent them at the All-Star Game? I’d say a handful.
As for Farnsworth, he’ll be out of baseball in two years and then open up a nightclub in Atlanta with John Rocker called “Blow†where both will parade around in their jockstraps and dance for tips.
Here’s the first one: Learn to throw your slider for a strike so people have to at least think about swinging at it.
I used to play football at Syracuse and with the Panthers, too!
I think the Farns’ problem was throwing too many sliders. He’d get ahead with a fastball or two and then throw a slider and just miss. The batter had no chance to hit the slider because he was dialed up for the 100 MPH cheese. But then Kyle would throw a second slider in a row and watch it get whacked-Mike Mordecai style- into the ivory.
Never knew I played basketball? I played in the NBA for a decade, you dumbass!
Corey’s nine-homer game against NYM was opening day 2003. He stuck that right up Don Baylor’s poop shoot after Baylor predicted he’d be the next Odibe McDowell. That was cold right there, man. Just goes to show though, if you make predictions in New York you’d better be right or they will haunt you for the rest of your miserable life. AHHHH!!! What was that? Do y’all feel that? I gotta go. ~ PE
I punished Baylor for his comments on Corey…
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