It will be very difficult for Sammy Sosa to top something he said yesterday. According to Chris DeLuca (and like Brian Fantana, 60 percent of the time, DeLuca’s right every time), Sammy responded to a question yesterday about his boombox getting smashed in Chicago last year this way,
”I don’t really care. You know why? Because when the man is not in the house, the chickens are jumping around.”
Apparently, Sammy has chickens in his house. I guess we know who the first baseball player to get the avian flu will be.
This was only slightly more intelligble than what Dusty Baker said about Barry Bonds yesterday.
“I mean, O.J. was found [not guilty] but in the minds of a lot of people he was still guilty,” Baker said. “Why do we have this system in place here if you’re going to be exonerated for something and still be guilty?”
I’m sure Barry’s very excited that his former manager is comparing him to OJ. Always a good time.
Would it be possible for reporters to refrain from quoting either The Gladiator or Captain Toothpick for a couple of weeks? We need a break. It’s just tiresome.
Oh, and the non-stop boombox stories can stop, too. Truth is, after the initial laugh we got when he found out it had been smashed, we just didn’t really give a shit.
I’m sure George Ofman is going to do a nine-part series on the boombox, and the 124 people who still listen to the Score will be riveted. As opposed to the 129 people who listen to ESPN 1000 who are busy making meth in their bathtub.
The last I checked, there were teams getting ready to play some baseball! Hey, how about some stories about…oh, I don’t know…this would be shocking…BASEBALL?!?
That’s just crazy enough to work.
Was it just me? Every time I changed the channel from “Lost” to the Illinois-Northwestern game, Illinois had added ten more points to their lead? By the time the raft was on fire Illinois was up by 120 points.
I know there are plenty of Illini naysayers around here, and that’s fine. Some of you think that if Pierre Pierce hadn’t given his ex-girlfriend a beatdown and then sent her an e-mail in which he spelled the word “love” l-u-v, about nineteen times, that Iowa would have beaten Illinois last Saturday.
You’re wrong, of course. But that’s for another time.
You’ve got guys like Jay Mariotti on your side, so that has to be comforting. He continues to shout to the heavens that Illinois needs to lose a game. By God, you cannot win a championship without a loss!
Huh?
I can’t sit here and tell you that Illinois is going to win the national championship. The best team in the country does not always win the national title. It’s the great thing about the NCAA Tournament.
So that’s comforting to those of you who don’t want Illinois to win the title.
Unless, of course, you don’t think they’re the best team in college basketball and now you can go back to worrying about it.
The Bulls phoned one in, in Cleveland last night, and you kind of expected it after the overtime win against Miami on Tuesday. But that wasn’t the notable thing about last night’s NBA. The Sixers traded for Chris Webber and every Bulls fan started to wonder how that would affect the Bulls’ playoff chances.
When was the last time two teams other than the Bulls made a trade and Bulls’ fans had to factor in the impact? Man, we’ve been starved around here, haven’t we?
The trade was Webber, Matt Barnes and Michael Bradley to the Sixers for Corliss Williamson, Kenny Thomas and Brian Skinner.
Barnes is an interesting player. He looks more useful than he is. You watch the Kings play and you think, “Hey, that guy’s not too bad” but then you look at his stats and he is that bad.
Michael Bradley is…a cross between Michael Stewart and Shawn Bradley, not a cross between Michael Jordan and Bill Bradley.
Williamson gives the Kings something every team needs…another undersized power forward. Albeit one with a cool nickname. Then again, The Big Nasty has already had a tour of duty in Sacto and you’d think they’d know better.
Kenny Thomas played for 19 years at New Mexico before finally graduating and he’s a righthanded Othella Harrington. Hey, that’s something. Yes, something bad.
Brian Skinner has to be included in every NBA trade…ever. It’s a rule. In fact, the Sonics have to figure out how they can get him today if they want to trade Ray Allen for Paul Pierce before the deadline.
That leaves Webber. He’s supposed to provide Philly with the inside game they’ve been missing since…uh…Moses? He and Allen Iverson will be formidable in the playoffs, right?
Well, Allen will. Chris will either be hurt, limping, acting like he’s limping or just disappearing when the games get tight.
All this trade does is give Webber a chance to tease…and then inevitably disappoint…fans in yet another city. Big frickin’ whup.
The Vikings traded Randy Moss to the Raiders. Who didn’t know that some day Randy would be a Raider? It was pre-ordained. The Vikes get former Northwestern “star” (we use that term loosely when it applies to Northwestern) Napoleon Harris and a couple of first round draft picks. Mike Tice can stop trying to devise ways to kill Moss with a pencil. Norv Turner knows he’s going to get fired even faster now. It’s a win-win-win!
Of course Sosa has chickens running around his house! Have you ever been to the DR!? There’s probably more chickens and stray dogs than there are people in the damn country! And don’t forget about the potholes; ask Grandpa Moises about those…
The Dominican Republic: Where rabies isn’t a disease.
It’s a way of life.
Thank god for the potholes. I need the body shop work to make my gas station profitable.
Sosa said yesterday that “I dont think anyone can replace me (on the cubs)”. After corked bats, leaving early, declining numbers for the past 3 years and agreeing to bat lower in the order and then complaining about it, lets hope he’s right!!
I resent that inference.
The best team may not often win the NCAA, but boy, is the road paved with gold for U of I once they reach the tournament.
They’ll undoubtedly be a #1 (even if they lose to OSU and in the Big-10 tourney), and essentially be granted that #1 seed for the Midwest region.
First & Second Round? Indianapolis.
Regional Semis and Finals? United Center
Final Four? St. Louis
Not since Duke would play at the Dean Dome in Rounds 1 & 2 and then East Rutherford, NJ has a team had such a home-court advantage. And even then Duke wasn’t always lucky enough to also have the FINAL FOUR in their area (I think. Jake can correct me on that one).
If ever there was a year for the Illini to be a #1 seed, this would be it.
Actually, the Regional Semis and Finals will be at the old Rosemont Horizon. Tickets will be extra hard to come by, and I doubt you’ll find much other than orange in the stands.
Come on Andy, No love for my column again?
Not only will Illinois be a number one seed, but they’ll likely be THE number one seed overall and unless UNC is the last number one seed they won’t face the Heels until the finals. Unless of course, Roy drives the Heels into a ditch. Like he usually finds a way to at least one game too early in the tourney.
Oh, and Wenny, if I’m linking to one pithy NBA column, it’s going to be Kelly’s not yours.
If Rashad McCants intestinal disorder is serious, then tarheels won’t be going anywhere but back to North Carolina.
McCants probably caught that after he borrowed one of my needles.
Andy, I could give a shit about North Carolina right now.
Roy, I know it’s been…
Hey, two Dicks!
Mike — Duke cut down the nets in both 2001 and 1992 in Minneapolis, and 1991 in Indianapolis. If they weren’t completely jobbed they would have cut down last year’s in San Antonio. The failed to capitalize both times the Final Four was nearest their own backyard (1994 in Charlotte thanks to a Scotty Thurman rainbow three and 1999 thanks to Trajan Langdon’s ill-advised, botched coast-to-coast attempt in St. Petersburg).
Regardless of the next two weeks — Illinois enters the field of 64+1 as the top-ranked #1 seed. And they will have deserved and earned a home-court advantage throughout that aren’t always available to a particular #1 in any given year.
Personally, I’d concern myself much less right now with the three other potential Final Four teams, and much more with the teams likely to find themselves on the 8/9 line for Round 2. The rest will take care of itself — and teams like North Carolina will be long gone, regardless of McCants’ disorder of the week….
Jake, what have you been watching? With McCants tarheels can beat any team in the country. Yes, even Illini.
Apparently, they can’t beat Duke. Or Santa Clara.
Well good thing they wont have to play them in the tournament.
you said “pithy” and not “pissy”, right?
Thought you all might like to know: On his show today, Jim Rome compared Sammy Sosa to O.J. Hey, maybe Sammy’s the oh-so-elusive real killer!
That 1994 NCAA final lost cost me a chance to win some good money in a bracket pool. Yes, I was only 10 when the 1994 tourney rolled around, but I had begged my dad the last year to let me enter the bracket pool, but he had said no because I…
1) Did not have the money ($10 to enter).
2) I wasn’t old enough.
So, I saved up my money and got a year older and entered the pool in 1994, and I had picked Duke to win the NCAA Tournament in the final game over Arkansas. I was in second place, but the Dukies had to win for me to win the first place money (It was $210 if I remember correctly). And, the next three people picked Arkansas to win the title, so if Duke lost not only would I not get the first place money I wouldn’t even get any money at all for getting second, third, or fourth.
Needless to say, I still hate Scotty Thurman.
As for this year, Illinois would be following a very similiar pattern to Syracuse two years ago. Syracuse played in Albany in the Regional final and semifinal rounds, and Oklahoma (#1 seed in their region) was hopeless in the Regional Final game considering 80 to 90 percent of the crowd was favoring Syracuse.
I am also concerned about the 8/9 teams, because the NCAA likes putting one or two of those fiesty mid-major teams on those seed lines and there is one that no Illinois fan wants the Illini to face simply because we would NEVER hear the end of it if the Illini lost to this certain mid-major team. Hint: They are also from Illinois and they are from the Missouri Valley Conference. If that isn’t enough, we got our coach from there. And this school’s fans have the most severe inferiority complex this side of St. Louis Cardinals’ fans.
BC, can you give us another hint???
I think BC’s right, because I don’t have any respect or appreciation for any of Illinois’ mid-major schools, especially that certain school located in a certain town that starts with a C, ends in an E and in between reads arbondal.
That 1994 games escapes my memory.
It was the same day Tuffy Rhodes had a hat trick against Doc Gooden. It was my first Opening Day. By the time we made it back to DeKalb (I don’t remember having driven back, but there was no blood on the car so it must have gone ok), I was in no position to watch the NCAA Championship. Not that I didn’t try–I watched it, I just never had any recollection of doing so.
Good times? Sure, I assume it was.
Sammy means that the clubhouse will be a disaster without him around to hold it together. The juice made Sam a little crazy… unless he really is talking about the chickens taking over his house while he’s playing baseball this spring.
Hey! Do I finally get to buy 6 tix?
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