It’s always going to be impossible for our nitwitted friends in Hollywood to avoid taking themselves too seriously. Even the most humble of all of the Oscar winners has a big tattoo on the back of his head. It’s like they are just begging for us to mock them.
If I had been in one of those Oscar pools, I’d have won, big time. I called every winner from Best Animated Feature (The Incredibles), to both supporting awards (Cate Blanchett and Morgan Freeman), both lead awards (Hilary Swank and Eric Bishop…I mean, Jamie Foxx) to best picture (Million Dollar Baby) and best director (Clint Eastwood). I even called both screen play awards (Sideways and Million Dollar Baby).
But you know what? So did you guys. Was there a surprise? Even one? So yeah, we all would have won our money back in the Oscar pool. Big whup.
This was the first Oscars I’ve seen in HD and some of the people are just plain scary. Laura Linney ought to sue the guy who invented High Definition TV. She looked like she was 1,000 years old. Clint Eastwood looked older than his 96 year old mom. Melanie Griffith’s lips were bigger than her head.
Thankfully I don’t get either the TV Guide Channel or E! in HD yet, so I’m not scarred for life at the sights of what Joan Rivers and Star Jones really look like. Woof.
Did anybody else notice that Carlos Beltran’s mole has moved to Jan Karl’s lip? Not good.
How does Billy Bush get to do the network red carpet stuff regardless of which network it’s on? He did the Golden Globes on NBC and last night there he was on ABC. This has to be stopped.
Chris Rock was pretty good. He wasn’t great, but you knew that ABC censors had scrapped at least two dozen of his potential jokes. I enjoyed him taking the hatchet out at Hollywood for using Jude Law in every movie. But he could have pointed out that Samuel L. Jackson is in every other movie, too.
Sean Penn just proved he’s the ultimate bloviating ass bag with his “I know who Jude Law is,” speech. It just proves that in a career of dozens of movies, the only time he’s ever acted was in “Fast Times at Ridgemont High”, because he’s played an asshole in every other movie. That’s not acting.
Were those Sidney Lumet’s daughters up there in the skybox with his wife? If so…very nice. He should get a lifetime achievement award for his sperm.
Abe Vigoda once again avoided the Yo Yo Ma solo video montage, meaning he’s still alive. Congrats, Fish.
———–
I was sitting on the couch, half awake Saturday morning when I read ….signed WR Mushin Muhammad to a three-year deal…scrolled by on the TV. I actually thought, “You know, he’d have been a good guy for the Bears to get.”
Moments later, I found out that the first part of that scroll was “NFL: Chicago Bears…” I was without speech.
It turned out to be a six year deal, even though in the NFL the length of the deal is always irrelevant. In fact, if I was an NFL GM, just to be an ass I’d sign guys to 1,000 year deals. Why not? They’re not guaranteed and you can spread the singing bonuses out for an epoch.
Of course, Bears fans are a sensitive lot, and so they immediately started trying to find faults with Muhammad who caught an absurd 16 TD passes in 2004, a number only known by his fantasy football owners and all 32,000 Carolina Panthers fans.
He’s not ludicrously fast, but he’s got great hands, he’s big and he actually catches the ball. He’s like Marty Booker…only better. Could the Bears have used Marty Booker (or better) last year? Sure they could have.
The media quickly rehashed a story about Muhammed being stopped with some pot and a gun in his car and later for going 61 in a 45 MPH speed zone.
Somewhere David Terrell was sitting on his couch saying, “Three violations in two traffic stops? He’s an amateur. I got seven in one stop once!”
The interesting thing is that the acquisition of Muhsin has a direct consequences for Terrell. In fact, the Bears are thinking of finally cutting the man who led the team in penalty yardage. If they do, there’s still the chance that the team might end up bringing back Marty Booker anyway, since he is likely to be a cap casualty in Miami. Funny how this stuff works.
—————-
I caught the last few laps of the NASCAR race in California yesterday and somebody named Greg Biffle won. But that wasn’t the interesting part. Apparently next week there’s no Nextel Cup race, but there is a Busch Series race…in Mexico City.
They’re using the old pesos to dollar exchange rate and so the race is the Mexico City 500,000,000. The only danger in the race is that the pace burro can only run along at about nine miles an hour, so the drivers will have to get used to that.
Yeah, that was a long way to go for two lame jokes. But hey, you get what you pay for.
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We’ve known for a long time what Skip Bayless’ act is. He thinks he’s a contrarian. If the consensus is that somebody or something is good, he thinks they or it is bad. So it came as no surprise that he hated Million Dollar Baby. It was too good for Skip to like it and he ripped it on his little-read ESPN Page Two column.
But here’s the part that really pissed me off. First, he says this…
I made it through about half of “Baby” before walking out.
OK, fine.
But then he says this…
But no, I’m not condemning a movie I saw only half of. I went back and watched the whole bloody mess from start to finish.
I disliked the second half even more than the first half. The first half was just a silly sports movie. The second half was a maudlin, manipulative, melodramatic B-movie.
Do we really think he went back? Does anybody believe that he sat through the whole thing just so he could rip it?
No, he probably just had Woody Paige tell him how he ends.
Whatever.
Funny, we thought we gave the 2 screenplay awards to “Sideways” and “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind”?
Crap. Forgot Charlie Kaufman’s acceptance speech. OK, fine. I guess I’d have lost my pool then.
Happy?
“That’s the worst aspect of the Internet Age – everyone has something to say and a blog to say it in.”
Nice to see how enamored my former student is of the right to express one’s self. I would have thought viruses, spam, and underrage porn would qualify as “the WORST aspect of the Internet”, but it’s nice to see how Paul maintains such a healthy perspective while not demonstrating any insecurity whatsoever. No sir.
Now excuse me while I wrap this noose around my neck…
Ahem. Where’s my undergrad proofreader when I need her?
Ah, it wasn’t that hard to strike out more.
No, but after watching us, I bet you’re bored.
Looks like I’ll be speedin’ out of town…
Yeah, because the people that get to be a newspaper writer or get to be on the radio or on the TV should be the only ones that get to speak out about anything.
That part of that interview is just idiotic.
BC = the eternal champion of those that want to speak out about anything…. except him. Which probably went without saying, but it’s much more fun this way.
B.C.,
The whole interview is idiotic. Read it. To his credit, Sullivan’s counterpart Scott Gregor gives thoughtful, informed answers. He’s at least open to new analyses which, as a journalist, would be, oh I don’t know, INTEGRAL to doing a thorough job. Sullivan comes off as just downright condescending, bitter, and willfully ignorant (he admits that he doesn’t read James or ” his ILK”. What a petty–not to mention self-defeating– asswipe)
I mean–I’m no saber-geek. Most of that crap flies over my head. But to have a knee-jerk reaction like Seabiscuit’s Jockey says more about his insecurity than it does about his insight, which is, admittedly, hard to capture.
I like how Paul Sullivan’s Journalism Professor corrects his former student’s name, but twice leaves his course name missppelleded (“journalsim”). Another backhand for the undergrad proofer, no doubt. What do I know? I am just some writer with a PC and a printer…
Man, oh man, Mike D. You do a lot of breathless arm-waving there. Take the whole Ritalin; don’t break it in half. Sullivan [b]is[/b] an asswipe, but your dramatic vitriol can use more focus and less, oh, I don’t know, smarm.
Point taken, Freddy.
It’s all I could do to keep from having a convulsion, though.
Jake,
If people want to call my writings a P.O.S. that’s fine. It’s when they denigrate me that I have a problem.
Isn’t Sullivan switching over to the Sox beat this year? I thought the Tribune rotated their guys. Anyway, The Jockey’s just bitter because John Kass got the column on page 2 after Royko died. Actually, I’m bitter about that too, because Kass sucks.
Look up the term “douche bag” in any respectable dictionary, and Skip Bayless’ picture is next to it. I honestly can’t figure out how he hasn’t been beaten to a pulp yet. Mariotti must thank Skippy every day for being a bigger asswipe than he is.
I remember a semi-tractor trailer between Lake Forest and Platteville that tried to beat Skip to a pulp.
I thought I lead the league in T’s???
It’s interesting that Hillary Swank started as a bit actress on 90210 and Jamie Foxx as a half-assed comic and WB regular (or is it the U?). In any event, it confirms my theory that acting isn’t so much about talent as it is about getting a break.
You need some breaks in your career, but if you are not talented, and can’t act, the movie you make will be crap. Jamie Foxx did a great job in Ray. I mean when I saw him in the movie, i thought i was watching Ray Charles. The man is talented actor.
The man is a talented impressionist. May as well give Rich Little an oscar.
Was Antonio Banderas’s musical number any less ponderous in HD? The multiversatile Kevin Spacey had to be disgusted that he was passed over Banderas.
Carlos Santana also had to be miffed. Beyonce sang like 8 songs, in several different languages, and Santana gets stuck caddying for the Banderas number? What a kick in the huevos.
Well, at least Santana was giving a shout-out to me, a figure as reprehensible as most in Latin American history.
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