64 games. 65 teams. And as of this writing, 66 guys in the Desipio Tournament Challenge. Who knew?
I don’t want to brag, but I whizzed right through my bracket. I wish somebody was having one of those tournament challenge things where if you got every game right you’d win a million bucks. Because, and I hate to brag, I’ve got the winning entry right in front of me. (You’ll ignore the fact that I’m in like six different pools and my picks are different in every one.)
So why should I horde the knowledge? That’s not very nice, is it? No. We’re pals. It’s all about sharing.
So here you go. Every pick in this year’s NCAA Tournament. I’m sure you’ll all be awed at the end. Or perhaps, just bored.
Chicago Region
1. Illinois over 16. Farleigh-Dickinson — We actually have an intrepid reader who is a Farleigh-Dickinson alum. Now that’s impressive. I won’t out him, that’d be rude. But his initials are TC. Wait…oh, damnit.
9. Nevada over 8. Texas — Texas apparently lost its best player during the year to either academic ineligibility or he got gored by a bull. I forget. Either way, they bombed down the stretch and in the Big 12 tournament. Plus, Rick Barnes looks way too much like John Grisham for my taste.
5. Alabama over 12. Wisconsin-Milwaukee — Bruce Pearl’s still coaching at Milwaukee right? I hope ‘Bama not only beats them, but sets him on fire.
4. Boston College over 13. Penn — Remember when the Quakers had a guy named Michael Jordan and played Illinois in the tournament? Yeah, they sucked then, too.
8. LSU over 11. Alabama-Birmingham — I have no idea, really. I watched LSU some during the SEC Tournament and they were impressive, but they give off the “you never know what you’re gonna get from us” vibe. As for UAB, why are they even in the tournament? They had NIT written all over them.
3. Arizona over 14. Utah State — I was in Tucson earlier this year and sat in a bar watching the Wildcats snooze their way through their Fiesta Bowl Tournament, which makes no sense, considering the Fiesta Bowl was like six days later…and 80 miles away. I did like Salim Stoudamire though.
7. Southern Illinois over 10. St. Mary’s — If you think Bruce Weber can’t recruit, aren’t his kids on their third straight Missouri Valley Championship in a row? They could very well get beat by a St. Mary’s team who beat Gonzaga and probably got shafted with a 10 seed. But the Salukis are more tourney tested, so we’ll give them the edge.
2. Oklahoma State over 15. Southeast Louisiana — Are you like me, do you just think Eddie Sutton is the creepiest guy…ever? You know that in his sleep he dreams of stuffing FedEx envelopes with cash and sending them to all 900 of Shawn Kemp’s illegitimate kids, only the envelopes won’t stay closed. Or maybe that’s just me.
ROUND TWO
Illinois over Nevada — Unless the Wolfpack can find a way to have the Utah Jazz loan them Kirk Snyder, they’ve got no chance. No. They’ve got less than no chance.
Boston College over Alabama — BC’s coach, Al Skinner has the most painful looking overbite I’ve ever seen. And, I think BC isn’t all that good, truly. They lost to Notre Dame and for me, if Notre Dame actually beat you this year, you aren’t as good as you think you are. You listening to me there UConn? Anyway, they didn’t get to 23-0 or whatever it was by sheer accident, so I picked them here. But they won’t need overnight hotel reservations in Chicago in the next round.
LSU over Arizona — All you need to know is this: Arizona needs Channing Frye to come up big to win this game. Channing Frye is an overrated pussy.
Oklahoma State over Southern Illinois — No chance. Zip.
SWEET SIXTEEN
Illinois over Boston College — BC’s a team without a true point guard. Illinois eats those teams for lunch. Apparently, Eagle tastes like chicken.
LSU over Oklahoma State — I’m insane! Stop me! Why am I doing this? Because a team like LSU always makes a run like this, and because John Lucas is going to do something stupid to lose this game. Hey, I’m a little bit psychic.
ELITE EIGHT
Illinois over LSU — Everybody will whine and moan about how Illinois doesn’t have dominant big men, but you know what? They’ve got good ones and Jimmy Augustine and the Reverend will do enough to get the Illini to St. Louis.
Albuquerque Region
1. Washington over 16. Montana — I called Rick Neuheisel and he told me to take the Huskies.
9. Pitt over 8. Pacific — Pacific is in Malibu, right? Yeah, like they’re going to enjoy their time in Albuquerque.
5. Georgia Tech over 12. George Washington — Tech is one of those teams peaking at just the right time. Ooh, dangerous!
4. Louisville over 13. Louisiana-Lafayette — Was it wrong that I took time to laugh at John Calipari on Sunday when the Memphis kid blew two of three free throws in the title game against Louisville? Probably.
11. UCLA over 8. Texas Tech — How can I pick the Bruins? They’re ludicrously disfunctional and young, but I hate Bob Knight and whoever wins gets gassed next round anyway, so screw it.
3. Gonzaga over 14. Winthrop — I think we all realized the Illini were awfully good when they followed up their Wake Forest blowout by embarrassing Gonzaga. Because, Gonzaga’s pretty good.
7. West Virginia over 10. Creighton — They’ve got a guy named Pittsnoggle and a guy who pronounces his name Hair Bear. Oh, come on!
2. Wake Forest over 15. Chattanooga — If Wake’s so good, how come they didn’t win the conference title or the conference tournament?
SECOND ROUND
Washington over Pitt — Pitt likes to try and beat teams up. They’ll have to catch Washington first.
Louisville over Georgia Tech — Tech may be hot, but they’re going to fall just short in what promises to be a 200 point game for the ages against Louisville.
Gonzaga over UCLA — It’s going to take a good team to beat Gonzaga. UCLA ain’t it.
Wake Forest over West Virginia — Overrated or no, they’re too much for the Fighting Hair Bears.
SWEET SIXTEEN
Louisville over Washington — You’ve got to be able to stop Francisco Garcia, Taquan Dean and now Larry O’Bannon? Washington can stop two of three. Not enough.
Wake Forest over Gonzaga — In the end, the Gonzaga guards are too slow to stop Wake. Plus, Wake will use the Illini Ronny Turiaf defense and step on his ankle about twelve seconds into the game.
ELITE EIGHT
Louisville over Wake Forest — Honestly, how was Louisville a four seed? Who comes up with this crap? Probably the same AD who won’t fire Steve Alford.
Syracuse Region
1. North Carolina over 16. Oakland — I had the Golden Grizzlies in the play-in game. Seriously.
8. Minnesota over 9. Iowa State — A battle of two limited teams, but Vincent Grier will be the difference.
5. Villanova over 12. New Mexico — How come Old Mexico never gets a bid?
4. Florida over 13. Ohio — Mike Schmidt, tHom Brennaman and Peter King went to Ohio. Screw ’em.
6. Wisconsin over 11 Northern Iowa — Danger. Northern Iowa can shoot it well enough to give Wisconsin trouble. But in the end, Bo Ryan’s one of the best coaches in the country. He’ll figure it out.
3. Kansas over 14. Bucknell — Bucknell? Whatever.
10. NC State over 7. Charlotte — If only so I don’t have to look at Bobby Lutz’ hair for an extra day.
2. UConn over 15. Central Florida — They’ll win as many tournament games as George O’Leary won football games there this year. Zip.
SECOND ROUND
North Carolina over Minnesota — Dan Monson can muck the game up and give Carolina trouble, but not nearly enough.
Florida over Villanova — This should be a good game, with two coaches who think they’re way too pretty. But Florida’s on a roll, and their best players are white guys. Who knew?
Wisconsin over Kansas — No, this isn’t Bill Self hatred rearing it’s head. The Badgers are tough on teams without good backcourts. Kansas has a good one, but nothing more. The only reason Aaron Miles and Keith Langford are houshold names is because they’ve been playing for like 1,000 years. They’re both overrated, especially miles. Besides, in the post, the Jayhawks have one good player and Christian Moody. I smell an upset. In fact, it reeks.
UConn over NC State — I know I said that if you lost to Notre Dame it means you suck…well, wait a round.
SWEET SIXTEEN
North Carolina over Florida — This could get ugly. Unless you try and take something away from the Heels they’ll beat you senseless. I think Billy Donovan will try and have the Gators outscore North Carolina. They’ll fail, miserably.
Wisconsin over UConn — I had no intention of picking the Badgers this far, but UConn’s overrated. Charlie Villanueva’s still just a hairless freak and Marcus Williams is hellaciously, undeniably, unbelievably overrated. Can you tell I’m not a UConn fan?
ELITE EIGHT
North Carolina over Wisconsin — By a million points.
Austin Region
1. Duke over 16. Delaware State — Delaware State was Illinois’ first opponent. Duke will be their last.
9. Mississippi State over 8. Stanford — We’re both of these teams supposed to be better?
5. Michigan State over 12. Old Dominion — MSU is positively schizo.
4. Syracuse over 13. Vermont — Everybody keeps talking about Taylor Coppenrath, but don’t we all think that Hakim Warrick’s going to have him for lunch?
6. Utah over 11. UTEP — Andrew Bogut’s not going to get too many national audiences. This won’t be one either.
3. Oklahoma over 14. Niagra — Niagra? Really?
10. Iowa over 7. Cincinnati — There are no winners here. But Cincinnati is a skinking ship.
2. Kentucky over 15. Eastern Kentucky — This would be like Illinois playing Eastern Illinois. Hilarious.
SECOND ROUND
Duke over Mississippi State — Ten bucks to the first player who punches JJ Redick in the nose.
Syracuse over Michigan State — I think Gerry McNamara will have his way with MSU’s guards and if it comes down to free throws? Neither team will make any.
Utah over Oklahoma — Hey, Andy Bogut’s on TV! See, he is actually good.
Kentucky over Iowa — Somebody get the Haluska kid a comb. And since he’s at Iowa, explain to him how it works.
SWEET SIXTEEN
Syracuse over Duke — I see this as a very bad matchup for Duke. But it’ll be a shootout between Redick and McNamara, too. That’ll be fun.
Kentucky over Utah — I’m not sure Kentucky can beat Oklahoma, but I’m sure they can beat Utah.
ELITE EIGHT
Syracuse over Kentucky — I don’t even like Syracuse. I think Jim Boehim is a whiny, phony, dumbass and yet…
FINAL FOUR
Illinois over Louisville — In what might be the single most entertaining game of the season, the Illini will prove that finding the open man is always a better alternative than settling for 30 foot Garcia heaves. But barely.
North Carolina over Syracuse — The only thing that has me worried is that Roy Williams always finds a way to lose to a team he should beat somewhere along the line. But not this time. Maybe next game.
NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP
Illinois over North Carolina — Everybody wants to see this game. All season long the talk has been about how North Carolina has the most talent and Illinois has the best team. Which will prevail?
I think Norman Dale said it best.
“Team. Team. Team.”
What, you thought I was going to pick somebody else? For the third time in my lifetime the Illini have a legitimate shot at a national title (1984, 1989, 2005), I’m not running away from that.
Andy. Thanks for the Badger love, but even I can’t see ’em making the elite eight.
I think we are in Stockton, Pepperdine is in Malibu
Andy,
FDU vs NIU. People who live in glass houses…
“As for UAB, why are they even in the tournament?”
Because my teammates and I couldn’t hit a free throws to save our extremely overrated fat asses.
I thought WE were in Malibu,
Prior getting 8 more outs?
I thought we only needed 5.
Fine, I was drunk.
Five more outs. And, if Pacific is in Stockton, they might actually not want to leave Albuquerque. Damnit, that ruins my whole bracket.
“If Wood and Prior do not achieve the success that has been projected since their teenage years, the lion’s share of the blame wil fall on the shoulders of Baker and former Cubs manager Jim Riggleman, who pushed the two prodigies to their breaking points.” Really? I guess Riggs’ voodoo hex from the Dodger dug-out must have done Prior in.
In fairness, he somewhat clarifies what he means later, but doesn’t the guy have an editor?
Brian,
Of course they must NOT have editores. How do you think Rogers was able to print that San Fran made the playoffs last year that the Dodgers got swept by the Deadbirds in the NLDS, and–my all-time personal favorite–Dennis Eckersely was on the Cubs’ pitching staff in 1989–a year AFTER giving up the home run to Kirk Gibson in the World Series.
All three of those have been printed in Colonel McCormick’s paper. Sad, but true.
Editores?
Créo que necesitito mis editores.
¡Ay Carumba!
Uh-oh, I have the same final four as Andy. That can’t be good.
Also, I refuse to pick Illinois to win the whole thing simply because I fear that it will jinx them.
1984, 1989. 2005? WTF? What about us?
Hey, remember that Elite Eight game when Arizona had 56 free throws to our 25 and we had six guys foul out?
That sucked. We was jobbed.
“Fine, I was drunk.”
Drunk during the game? Drunk when you wrote it? or both?
Illini’s win over Gonzaga was impressive, however it was before the Wake Forest game.
Cincinnati is, indeed, a “skinking ship” but will still handily sink Iowa’s stanking ship in the battle of the classless.
That’s the last time I let Karry fact check an article.
Phil Rogers writes:
“Never mind that Greg Maddux has won 15 every year of Wood’s career. The telling part is that Aaron Sele did it four times. And that Dave Burba did it three times. And that Rick Helling did it twice. And that Kent Bottenfield, Mike Sirotka, Gil Heredia, Garrett Stephenson, Robert Person, Jimmy Haynes, Rodrigo Lopez, Steve Trachsel and Jeriome Robertson did it once. The Cubs continue to wait for Wood to become consistent enough to join this not-so-exclusive club.”
True, Kerry might be over-rated and Maddux proves that it’s not all about power, but maybe the fact that all these losers listed above hit 15 wins at least once means that a 15-win season isn’t the most important measuring stick for a person’s career.
Where am I now?
Doesn’t a lot have to do with run support?
I’ve also got Louisville in the FF. Difference between us is I’ve got Kentucky making it instead of Syracuse.
BTW, which is closer to St. Louis–Louisville or Champaign?
Champaign
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