Kate and Brent leave. Jason goes back to find Carrie and Mitch. Members of the Rainbow Warriors are arm wrestling at a nearby table and singing Indigo Girls songs.
MITCH KRICKSTEEN
Where’s the Intern?
JASON BELL
He left with the blonde.
CARRIE FITCH
No way?
JASON BELL
Yeah, she said she wants ice cream.
CARRIE FITCH
He’d better hope that’s all he gives her.
JASON BELL
Why’s that? She’s hot. And easy.
MITCH KRICKSTEEN
See that lady over there? (Points at Linda Zapatos)
JASON BELL
Lady? Those are women?
MITCH KRICKSTEEN
That’s the Intern’s boss.
JASON BELL
Wow. She looks like Newman from Seinfeld.
MITCH KRICKSTEEN
That little blonde that the Intern is with? That’s her aunt.
JASON BELL
Sweet.
CARRIE FITCH
It doesn’t matter. The intern’s a wuss. There’s no way he could seal that deal.
JASON BELL
I’ll bet he does. He seems sweet, but he got a lot of ass at college. And that girl doesn’t seem like she’s gonna take no for an answer tonight, anyway.
MITCH KRICKSTEEN
Besides, he’ll just take her back to his place. The Big Shoe will never know, anyway.
JASON BELL
Dude. He gave me his keys. I think they’re heading back to her place.
CARRIE FITCH
Oh, I’d love to see what happens when the Shoe opens her door and finds her Intern banging her niece on the couch.
JASON BELL
We should call him and warn him.
JASON, MITCH and CARRIE
Nah. Screw it.
LINDA ZAPATOS
Hey, how are you guys doing? Let me get you something to drink. Hey, waitress! How about a round of Old Grandad?
CARRIE FITCH
How long have you been playing softball with these guys…er…ladies?
LINDA ZAPATOS
Oh, since right after college. Every fall we go to the nationals. They’re either at Myrtle Beach or San Francisco. What a great bunch of ladies. Hey, where’s the Intern?
CARRIE FITCH
Who?
LINDA ZAPATOS
The Intern. Wasn’t he just here?
MITCH KRICKSTEEN
Oh, he left. He said something about having an upset stomach.
LINDA ZAPATOS
Well, I should get home. My niece is coming in from Sheboygan. She’s a sweetie. She’s gonna be a senior next year. They grow up so fast.
MITCH KRICKSTEEN
What college does she go to?
LINDA ZAPATOS
College? She’s not growing up that fast. She’s only 17.
Next week on “The Front Office”: Brent gets a rude awakening at the Zapatos household.
Will next week be the first “Very Special Episode” of “The Front Office?” Will we laugh a little bit, but ultimately learn a lesson about sexually transmitted diseases, pregnancy out of marriage or banging your lesbian bosses’ niece?
So, is Mitch Kumsteen the same as Mitch Kricksteen?
Crap. I posted this in the wrong spot before.
His name is Mitch Kricksteen, but we call him Mitch Kumsteen because we’re witty. And I’m a dumbass.
“Where is your car, dude?”
Seann William Scott and Ashton Kutcher would call to sue you, if they were smart enough to use a phone.
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