Pitching matchups:
Friday:
Cubs: Greg Maddux, 1-1, 4.20 ERA
Brewers: Gary Glover, 2-1, 5.16 ERA
Saturday
Cubs: Glendon Rusch
Phillies: TBA
I’ll be at the games Thursday and Friday. So we’ll just use this thread for both Cubs losses –uh, games.
I’ll be there tomorrow, as well. Nothing like watching Potato Head serve up taters to Abreu, Rollins and Co.
Andy has apparently renamed me “Friday.”
So thank God it’s me!
So the Cubs are going to take a double-header today? Better than the single header they took yesterday…or the day before…or the day before that…oy!
Does anyone read? It’s a Desipio Gamcast doubleheader played over 2 days. Not a Cubs doubleheader.
Gyp Joint Joke website!
This series is gonna be the same as the post-All Star Break sweep the Brewers laid on the Cubs last year:
AKA the death knell.
I’m more stubborn than bull in heat. Ramirez batting third with the top NL hitter fourth is proof that I am a complete fuckmonkey.
Leadoff walk.
Is Wood pitching for the Brewers now?
LOL!
Why am I even listening?
I’m, I’m not good.
see ball in eyes. swing at it. walk to bench.
Well, that was a quality first inning.
From now on, FYCs are know as BSFN.
As in Blind Squirrel Finds Nut.
Rock and roll part II!
Nice job by Barrett of backing up the play. Boy they sure do play hard.
Do I work yet?
I do not.
Sorry, Chuck, but you don’t get to decide whether or not we get to torch you.
Isn’t that like trying to come up with your own nickname? Like ‘T-Bone’ Costanza, for example?
Pitching is our strong point, er…hmm.
Given Korey, it’s a very little flame.
How’s the visibility today, Chippy?
Is there any reason to watch the Cubs other than Derrek Lee’s hit streak?
Hey, we have the good manners not to score when we load the bases with less than 2 out. What the hell is wrong with you Brewers?!?
Fifty quatloos on the bratwurst.
Maybe Dusty will get fatally impaled by an errant Ron Cedeno throw.
We’ll see about that, Sausage Racer
Can’t strike out if you don’t see 3 pitches, Len, you turd.
Brian, I just pay attention because I’m hoping for the dramatic return of Bump Wills.
Yeah, watch us for my glove too.
I’m not playing again until my Dad apologizes for sleeping with my wife.
Sorry about that, son.
Given the way we’ve played lately, we’re going to lose 1-0 today.
Don’t worry, we’ll find a way to bring Jose Macias and then Neifi to the plate with runners in scoring position while Jason Dubois rots on the bench.
Here we go again with Santo convinced the Gods are out to get the Cubs, complaining that the Brewers get all the cheap hits. I’d rather jam my eardrums with rusty scissors than listen to his self-pitying bleating all the time.
Shaddup! There would be many, many other guys on this team that would be much worse to have up with RISP than me. Like EVERYBODY else except Derrek Lee.
Was that a cheap hit Mr. Santo?
The gods? I didn’t know I was a pagan.
So, is this one of Greg’s clunker starts?
Hey Patterson, what’s it like being the 4th best CF in the division?
Maddux rarely throws me.
You know I’m coming.
Nomar who? Neifi who?
Hey Ramirez, you fat fucking, pie-stealing, thief. THAT’S how you hit the goddamn baseball, chubs.
Screw you, bitches.
What’s the point of getting on? I run the bases like Kal Daniels.
Hey, I saw two balls that at-bat!
Isn’t that what I’m supposed to be doing?
If I make it through five, I will be very impressed with my effort.
I feel so petite today!
This season sucks more ass than the headliner at a Tijuana Donkey Show
If we had personnel on our staff like the Cubs have on their team, we’d have Jayson Blair, Stephen Glass, Janet Cooke and Mike Barnicle.
I MISS WHITEY!
My Brewer Buddies will score so many runs this game that I’m not even going to have to turn my face inside out.
This could/should be so much worse right now.
Consistency baby!
If I do this for six innings, then the Cubs could get enough runs to win. After 30 innings.
Yikes.
That hungry hippo Ramirez barely exerted himself whiffing for teh second time against the immortal Gary Glitter.
You know what’s funny? I still work for a bunch of different news agencies, including msnbc. I guess that makes me their equivalent to Nomar, or Fred McGriff.
What time’s the bus leave?
Anyone??
We really do play like we’re the walking dead. Where’s the goddamn fire? Aren’t we at least pissed off that the freaking Brewers are spanking us? Dusty has sedated us into the most boring, crappy team possible.
See you tomorrow …
Are you scared?
Hey guys… this is Gary freakin’ Glover. Take a pitch. Like me! But I am perfect in every way.
I sure am lazy, hey C. Lee, can I have one of those tacos?
While we’re not the stuff of Molitor, Yount, Gantner, Gorman Thomas, Pete Vukovich, Don Sutton and Rollie Fingers, we’re definitely not as bad as the late Garner-era Brewskies either.
Of course, Gary Glover sucks.
I am the home plate umpire. My name is Rob Drake. Remember me… I will haunt you in your nightmares
Dusty Baker owes me seven dollars.
That was the price of my lunch today at BWW, where I was watching the Hairston pickoff, the loading of bases by Maddux, and the pitiful rest of it.
I threw up my five boneless, Thai, five Carribean Jerk.
Baker, you owe me seven dollars! Now, pay up!
Why is that Rob? All I have is MLB.com to look at…
Must. Swing. At. First. Pitch.
woooooowwoooooooo I am Rob Drake… I wear a mask! wooooowooooooo
If I wrote better software, you’d be able to look at Rob Drake from the comfort of Desipio.com
Gamecast says I flew out to shallow shortstop. Good thing I play gold glove defense in LF!
I’m so bad that the Cubs can’t hit me. I’ll get pounded by most everyone else in the National League however.
BWW has seven big screens in which to watch Aramis Ramirez dog it.
BTW: new Ramirez nickname…Escalade. As in big Cadillac
Fire Baker. This team plays the worst fundamental baseball in the league. The only team that is worse is last year’s team.
Proof that you don’t have to be good to hit for the cycle.
I should fire Baker today and see if someone new could pull these lazy fuckers together. But I am too much of a pussy to do that.
I don’t know, Corporal. I think the ’05 Cubs could give us a run for our money.
So you admit we’re improving?
We should be the Cubs mode of transportation home after this series.
WTF is an “on-field delay?”
We’re worse than ’04, and earlier. Just imagine what a nightmare we’ll be once we’re 3 months in and 20 games out.
so is this how I go?
Now this is how I remember Chicago, I suck and so do the Cubbies! I knew I shouldn’t have signed with this piss poor franchise for the twilight of my career
To answer your question Morph…
It’s when I run around nude and assualt a bratwurst.
Neifi Perez, Jerry Hairston, Todd Hollandsworth, Mike Barrett…you’re telling me guys like these don’t make up playoff teams?
Thanks streaker… good times…
Dusty is our guy, we made a commitment to winning by signing him, we have improved every year since he has been here.
Translation: You assholes keep filling the stands, so what the fuck do I care. Also, if I fire Dusty that reflects bad on me, since I lured him here.I am too much of a pussy to fire Dusty, especially because he’ll say we’re racist. We are already paying one ignorant retard off to stay away, do you think we’ll pay another? No I am an idiot and we are all stuck with Dusty.
OMG, you saw me in Tijuana?
Morpheus,
The “on-field delay” was actually the home plate umpire asking a cameraman behind the backstop-netting to move his camera. Maddux complained, and Len and Bob speculated that he was getting too much glare off of it.
Jim, if you hadn’t spent millions on Burnitz, we could have Dubois playing every day in either left or right. Then, you could have spent some of those millions in the Sosa deal to get Baltimore to put either Julio or Ryan in the deal, and then we may not have had the best bullpen either but we wouldn’t be in the absolutely sorry state we are in right now in the pen.
Can’t be working for no racist, dude.
We are hitting .147 (14/95) with RISP and 2 outs.
I did it! I stole a base! Hey look Dusty! I stole a base!
Right, B.C. because Burnitz is such a major reason for the suckiness.
I am a fucking joke.
I’m available if you need a new manager!
Ooh, look that speedster Hairston the Lesser finally stole a base successfully. Somebody get Li’l Jerry a cookie!
Remember last year when I was good? Bet you guys were thinking about that when I was up with first and third and no outs last night. Dribbler to the mound is what you get for giving me the big bucks.
Mrs. Wood, Bienvenidos a Tijuana! And come back soon with American money! We’ll show you our Latin hospitality.
I wish I had a manager that could teach me how to play in the major leagues. I was so good in the minors. (sigh)
Another brilliant strikeout from Corey Patterson.
How high were the strikes to Corey?
Oh man! I’m so high right now, I’ve no idea whats goin on..
Oh yeah, if I ever get in a fight with Korey I don’t have to worry about him hitting me. I’m so high.
Anyone else getting the “slow down Cowboy” message when they try to post?
CFs we could’ve had instead of Corey:
Beltran
Lofton
Finley
A Juggs Pitching Machine
The rotted corpse of Jimmy Hoffa
I feel all of these would be an upgrade.
About chin high
Maybe there is some truth to the notion that I helped keep Aramis’s apathetic ass in line when I was on the team.
Of course Moises kept me in line. I couldn’t eat any of the buffet food after he touched it with his pee hands.
I’m getting the slow down cowboy message…
We better take advantage of the fact we’ve been DOMinated and are only down 2.
slow down cowboy
What was the point of getting rid of Sosa? He wasn’t any more useless than the rest of these dumbasses. And the chemistry sucks anyway.
Hey, losers! Check out my “from the cubicle…”
The Cubs were on a roll when I was with the team! Sign me up, I’m rested and ready!
Lead off double. They will strand me, though.
I’m back?
Retarded.
I tried taking pitches, hmmm seems to work pretty…. HEY HOT DOGS!
Hey Sr. Tijuana,
Can you hook me up with a little of that Latin hospitality?
Gracias.
I’ve decided to blend in with the other morans and play stupid baseball, too.
Jeromy is going to whiff so freaking bad.
Cindy,
Gotta make a break for the border with me and Mrs. Prior. Wheeeeeeeeee!
Why do the foul balls ALWAYS stay in play for the Cubs and NEVER for the other team?
Take that
Apex,
That’s because the Gods have conspired against the Cubs! The Cubs have been the best team in the NL for years, but they never get one, solitary break! Geez!
Now if you excuse me, I have to hand my colostomy bag to Patrick so he can empty it.
I like Pat (poor guy’s got a broken back from carrying that clown Santo during broadcasts), but the “Get out the tape measure” call is getting a little too much play these days.
A hanger and a banger! More two out magic for the Chicago Cubs!
Hola Cindy! Come on over baby, I show you the Latin hospitality and eat your taco real good. Buddy.
Don’t fool yourself, Korey. You sucked in the minors other than at low-A Lansing.
This year sucks so bad, we’re doing a throwback to last year — live and die by the HR!
Mike D., you should have heard the tribute to Pat Hughes before last night’s game. It was Patrick’s 1,500th consecutive game, so they did a highlight thing. You should have heard my voice in the first clip from Hughes’ first preseason game with the Cubs 10 years ago. I almost sounded healthy.
And it goes without saying that John Cusack is going wild!
Who am I kidding? Nothing ever went without saying when I called a game. I like cake.
How did we do in the playoffs?
I seem to have caught the dreaded E-ramis Disease. I’m not wanting to work to well.
You missed the playoffs by one game. You finished behind us, Cubs.
Ron, that clip was from the 1996 preseason.
How many HR’s will Maddux give up in the sixth? I’d say a handful.
See! We’re tied! Dusty IS a great manager!
Apex, I’d say zero. Eat shit.
The Cubs finished only one game out in 1995? I do not remember that. Man, I smoked a lot of bud back then. My memories stop with the strike and pick up again with Sammy breaking his hand and the Scott Bullett era beginning in ernest.
I’d like to go to Tijuana… to eat tacos!
I remember those days Apex. Wanna get high for old times sake?
Aramis, I’ll meet you there…I love tacos!
I’m almost completely covering homeplate right now and the pitcher’s in the bright sunshine. I make it very tough to hit for a while. But wait, it gets worse… I only work against the Cubs.
FYA!
Sorry, Apex, we were 4 games out, 3 behind the Assholes and 4 behind the Rocks. We lost the final 2 games to Houston and the Rocks won their final 2. Had we won the final 2 games, and the Rockies lost, we’d have hosted the Rocks in game No. 163.
And Don Baylor would’ve been toast!
You should try one of the “special” tacos you can get on the South Side. A guy gave me one and a Pepsi. Sammy happy that day.
Towelie, if it help me remember 1995, no thanks.
Toast?! mmmmmm
Ok. One.
I am beginning to look ominous, for only the Cubs of course.
Apex, I remember 1995 very clearly… Were you the guy who wanted a word with me after my homer to the Beege?
That’s Helms Deep for all you LOTR guys
I am beginning to look ominous, for only the Cubs of course. 15 seconds my ass, more like 2 and a half minutes.
The Cubs are me, and vice versa.
My friends and family took my will call tickets to see the hideous beast known as Turncow or something like that, so I have make sure he gets a chance to come out. Now hopefully Cub fans all over will understand why I had to give up that homerun to that scru … stud Helms.
I don’t work for the Cubs. Why are people talking about visibility? Get over it.
Apex keeps getting me.
Pitcher’s spot leads off next inning. You are about to be smack dab in the middle of Neifi Time! bitches.
Not to worry, Greg’s setting Helms up for 2 years from now, when Wes is on Boston and Maddux is with the Yankees.
Time for some action!
Are you good e-nuff for Neif?
Actually, in 2 years I’m going to be running a gas station in Utica.
I’m certain to end with a high strike to CPat.
Young Overbay has got some kind of glove, folks. This guy is some kind of special, not Pujols special though.
How many head high fastballs will Corey swing at in this at bat?
Ahem… Pitching for the Brewers is JULIO Santana… NOT JOHAN… JULIO.
Hey Myers,
That wasn’t Biggio, it was the immortal James Mouton. And the guy who tried to jump you and instead got his ass kicked by you was named Jon Murray.
I won’t be uttered this afternoon.
Korey’s 3-22 on the road trip. Didn’t I say he was looking like he was about to go 15 for 125?
You mean “face high” fastballs.
Sure i will………..FY Corey
Good idea by me to try to hit a homerun there. All we need is another guy with only warning track power.
Whoa. Patterson walked?!?!
CPat walks!
Gamecast must be broken… it says Corey walked.
Oh well. Mike, I was about as stoned as Apex, and I ran into Chip Caray the other day and recounted what I remembered about it.
“Honesty compels my to say, Randy, that only a person under the influence of alcohol or drugs would run onto the field and attack a MAJOR LEAGUE BASEBALL player…”
Thus I assumed it was Apex.
And then I told Chip I couldn’t remember who hit the game-tying homer.
“Oh, without a doubt, it was the battling Craig Biggio. No one comes through in clutch situations like Houston’s Hammering Hero, Craig Biggio.
Ball 4 to corey was only letter high. Of course he laid off.
Holy fucking shit, I walked! I have no idea how I took that high ball 4.
I said 15-135. He’s on an 18-135 pace.
Boy was I a dumbass.
Did someone say “warning track power”?
Ball 4 to Corey wasn’t as high as me.
Don’t get used to it.
The Cubs lost each of their last 2 games in 1995 by a run to Houston. Oh, for a clutch hit, right?
Naah… We had Don Baylor as our manager, but there was no way we were getting outmanaged by our opposition that weekend.
I’m too pretty to get dirty, bitches.
Gut this useless team, please.
Football is your fave sport, Korey. Do us a favor. Go play for the Packers.
I am real lazy, even for an underacheiving Dominican…now that is an accomplishment.
I’ll retire if Corey Patterson goes any further north than the I-94 on-ramp.
Thank God Jim Hendry didn’t look at me to see what happens after I sign a multi-year contract!
Remmy just retired me for the first time all season.
Why in the world do you know that football is my favorite sport? You know far too much about me, man. It’s not normal.
wrong bitch, that was my second lefthander to get out this season. That gives me 7 for the last 3 seasons combined.
A 1-2-3 inning for Remster!
Chuck,
Does Korey also like long walks on the beach? drinking wine under the moonlight? dancing to Tupac records?
How many runs will the Cubs score in the 8th? I’d say a handful.
Remlinger just got a 1-2-3 inning including Jenkins and Overbay. That’s what the Cubs needed for a big turnaround. Write it down. This is the moment when everything changes for the Cubs. We’ll look back on it like Zambrano’s homer off of Wade Miller in Houston as the day the world stopped shitting on our Cubbies, wiped its ass and went for another Skyline Chili Dog.
Or not.
Korey, you gave that info in an interview a few years ago. Al Yellon highlighted it the other day. Al made some other ambiguous comments as well.
Al may be your stalker. I’m just regurgitating. Like I do when i see you swing.
Speed:
Korey likes fast cars and fast women. He was just pissed that he couldn’t volunteer for the cubs before he was drafted.
There was one?
Lee Harvey… Yoooouuuuu are a madman…
Charge the mound DLEE!
How many times do I have to get hit this year, for someone to do something in retaliation?
Wise can’t find me. Quick, sign him up!
This guys wilder than Krissy Wood on Cortizone
Is this take the bleachers out of the stadium day at Miller Park or something? It seems like every other Cub player is fouling out. If we keep this up, RFK is going to be a beyotch to us.
is there anything I can’t do?
Uh, yeah, I really wish Al would stop stalking me. Every post of his is all me!
No, wait. That’s Chuck.
hey Holly! Take a few pitches… will ya!?
Hey, my pussy pitching teammates! The wrong Lee got hit! Fuck you!
Al’s the stalker. I’m thinking of becoming a sniper.
Dusty likes to give me up.
Sorry, Derrek. These pussies won’t even throw at Carlos Lee for his leg whip and how he owns our pitchers. Hey, why stand up for your teammates?
Nobody will charge the mound, but Corey might throw his helmet in anger if the ump pisses him off.
I can be out at thrid too
Way to go barrett… you suck
RISP,
Let me see if I have this straight–
Barrett just misses a home run in one at-bat, DOES homer in the next, and I try to have the guy–who happens to be my starting catcher, by the way, to bunt? Do I have that right?
Good. I thought so.
When will my fan club start campaigning for me to start every day?
This team has lost it. If you didn’t believe it before, believe it now.
Fuck you Hollandsworth……..
I think Dubois should be playing.
How could I get him in this game?
What a great bunt by Barrett. Bunt it down the third base line dumbass.
Hollandsworth goes down looking, then proceeds to get tossed. Yeah, now we look like we care. These guys are a fucking joke.
can I pinch hit?
Remember me, bitches!
Don’t mess with me Holly! I’m Rob m’f’ing Drake.
Why in the world would you have Barrett bunt there? With 1 out? I mean, with no outs, maybe I could see it, maybe, but with 1 out you’re just giving it up.
Suck on it, Chuck, you fatalistic drama queen.
General Grieve-ous?
Hollandsworth was too lazy to swing at a pitch down the middle.
Ben Grieve of all people gets a hit to tie the game.
Oh… there were no outs… I’m a moran…
I’m as speechless as the rest of you.
Take that Milwaukee, you fucking rednecked, beermaking, cheeseeating, cow-milking pieces of shit that thought I was only worth Andy FUCKING Pratt.
Apex PREDICTED ME!!!!
That’s right… I’m Neifi Perez.
Now, is the Gremlin in LF?
Don’t worry guys, we’ll have you focusing back on work before it’s three o’clock.
What did Rob Drake do last year? I have a feeling I’m supposed to remember him for some reason.
Man, this team is full of assholes. Forget Sosa being selfish, these shits won’t even get pissed off on behalf of their own teammates. Remember when I was the only one mad last year at Berkman after he pretended to get beaned? Remember the lamest bench-clearing ever after Barrett got hit by Oswalt in Houston?
These guys only throw fits and get pissed when someone messes with them individually. Zambrano every other start and Corey two days ago are good examples.
I hope that episode costs Hollandsworth some playing time, although I’m not so sure that it will.
Oh yeah, thanks Grieve.
Macias?????????????? Screw you Baker, at least let Grieve in, who an ass face.
Dude, you can’t have the pitcher (who won’t pitch more than this inning anyway) stay in the eighth spot. Dude, I’m the manager here, dude.
Oh my God, I was kidding. Dusty Baker should be fired, immediately.
I’m the new face of the Cubs!
*I’m* the fatalist?
I’m…
I’m not very good.
At all.
Get ready for me bitches.
over.
Meet the General Manager of your 2006 Chicago Cubs
Whee, I lasted a whole 2 batters!
hasn’t Wuertz thrown in like the last 15 games? Can we (meaning Dusty) not give the kid a break?
Today, I guarantee you an FYC moment. Hairston, just get on base.
Game, you were over before you began.
Wuertz threw yesterday, but his last appearance before that was the April 29th against the Astros.
I doubt Stone would be anywhere near as good a manager as his die-hards think, but what the hell — even fucking Chip Caray would probably make a better manager than Dustbag.
Evidently I was the first guy suspended for steroid use. Who knew?
Shut me up, Korey. Fucken’ dare you.
Eh, you douchebag, Stoney’s campaigning for my job.
Nice to hear Pat get on Korey. “Another wild swing.”
Oh, boy.
Yeah, Corey, please. Shut Chuck up.
Sloth is right.
This team is dead and buried.
Ahhh, so much for that.
We feel getting on base for the power hitters is no fun… WE want to be power hitters.
So Korey goes down on a pitch that’s probably not a strike. How’d that standing up for yourself work out, huh?
Moran.
Am I arguing this shit?
I’m more alive than the Cubs.
Is the A-Ram back?
Glad I’m in the three hole, huh?
Corey’s at bat was apparently so bad that Gameday decided to purge him from the earth and pretend it never happened.
Yes.
Come on now, Chuck. If Pat “got on me” for real, you’d be so jealous!
Not so fast, my friend.
Korey’s gotta bat 6th or lower. Get him one fewer AB per game.
It’s about time that:
1) The Third Baseman Who Ate Chicago finally got a clutch RBI
and…
2) That genetic mishap Turnbow finally proved to be not so Sutter-esqu, after all.
OK, Aramis, we can stop at Leon’s for some frozen custard on the way home now.
Is this…enjoyment…I’m feeling?
That’s why you pay Aramis 44 million dollars.
Chuck’s gotta limit his comments about me to under six a minute. It’s creeping me out.
Mmmm… I serve up mad-delicious custard.
Free sundae if Burnitz can belt one out.
I think Steve Bartman sucked the last vestige of me out of watching the Cubs.
Hey Coach…..Can I pitch???
Let’s keep this going for a couple more innings so we can lose as painfully as possible.
Painful for the fans, we mean. We get paid either way!
I guess we always have extra innings.
A triple-dip of chocolate is muy tasty, but you should have an angioplasty immeidately.
Hawkins coming in for the 9th.
This can only end badly, right?
It’s a good thing Dusty hasn’t played me in four games so I’ll be nice and rusty
Let’s think about me and not the Cubs. Cheery thoughts.
Cheery thoughts?
Here I come
L Hawkins… it’s not just my name… it’s my decision too!
Think positive, Latroy! He didn’t played you so you’ll be rusty…but at least your arm won’t snap off.
Hey Cubs fans, you still have a chance to root for some dogs and win on the way home.
Gold Glove I’m not
HaHa! I’ll probably make it up to the plate, and you’ll get uno mas chance to throw at me! But will you! No… You won’t even come in on the inside of the plate! You’ll just toss one where i can hit it. I love you mucho Chicago!
I just walked in the tying run in the KC White Sox game.
I faced two batters and walked em both.
Maybe I will come back to the Cubs after all.
LaTroy, if you don’t hit him, I’m sending Big Z after your skinny ass!
Dude, I’m not going to hit you. I’m afraid of Lyle Overbay.
Aren’t we going to walk anybody?
*I’m* the fatalist?
Game Over
Season Over
I guess I shoulda hit him
Hey, if LaTroy won’t hit Carlos Lee, I can take care of him for you, Todd.
But Todd, I hate you, remember?
Someone needs to drill my taco eating pussy ass. Fucking pussy ass bitchy cubs pitchers, I own you shitbirds.
I hate my team. Please trade me as soon as I’m not gimpy.
Anyone want me to do a contract job for Dusty?
We should have known that was going to happen.
This. Team. Sucks.
Probably the lowest point since October 2003. Simply embarrassing to be swept by the Brewers.
Good game guys!
Remember how Greg Maddux headhunted in retaliation for Eric Show’s beanball, and how that cost Maddux a trip to Des Moines and a MLB suspension? Remember how Rick Sutcliffe charged after Eric Show and how Show was afraid to be at Wrigley so he needed a police escort?
That’s what you need to do to Carlos Lee. Make him deathly afraid of setting foot in Cook County ever again.
Dave, I think you forgot us.
Wow, we’re horseshit.
Dayum! I’m outta bourbon again!
I think I got traded along with Sosa for Hairston
I picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue.
At least we won’t have to deal with the next five months
If they’re deadset on being so god-awful this year, they should just trade away guys like Hawkins for some decent minor leaguers. Then we can all watch watch LaTroy pitch great in the playoffs AS A SET-UP MAN under a manager who is not a gigantic dumbass.
I just made yet another routine play into a diving catch, us sox outfielders are good at that.
This team can’t win a game and half this board’s got bloodllust for Carlos Lee. Give me a break.
There’s a time and place for everything. Retaliating against him when the team already has a lack of focus is just bathsit stupid.
BC is to the internet as Ron Santo is to the radio.
Chuck is to Korey Patterson as Mark David Chapman is to John Lennon.
Derrek Lee is to the Cubs as a $100 bill is to a toilet of shit.
Leon’s is to frozen custard as Taco Bell is to the Chili Cheese Burrito.
Lack of focus?!? What the hell do you…wait, what were you saying?
Goes to Cubs family from MacFail on down, this has nothing to do with Carlos Lee or White Sox. In fact, they are playing ball the way you should.
If the team had me… we might be contending. But the team has a buffet eat and checks to cash… no time for self-respect, or bloodlust, or anything thing like that.
Uh, why didn’t make that catch? Thank god Carlos Lee took out the 2b with crappy defense!
I’m just sorry Andy had to witness that game in person.
And every time I post a comment, I get the ‘slow down’ message. I’m goin as slow as possible!
You guys have no fung. Winning is Fung. Plenty of room on our bandwagon, you bunch of Venezuelan fuckers.
Oh please, this team has no “bloodlust”. If they actually acted like a team and did stand up for each other, that’d be nice. Instead, Carlos Lee gets the game-winning RBI and I get hit by the Brewers while my idiot teammates drool and play cards in the dugout.
My countryman!
We won!! This is really fung.
I have come to the realization that the Cardinals and White Sox will win one-run games in just about every way possible this year, while the Cubs will lose one-run games in just about every way possible.
We aren’t there yet, but this season is shaping up to be yet another journey into baseball Hell for Cubs fans.
No, we’re just playing the Royals, and the Indians.
Y’know, I’ve suffered through enough pitiful Cub seasons to know that the sun will rise tomorrow and I will get the chance to throw back a Bobby Abreu home run ball in the two games I’m going to this weekend.
But this sucks. This team is the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked in the history of suck.
Would you rather have the soulcrushing, season long funk of the Cubs, or the late August spectacular collapse of the White Sox?
Boy, it’s a good thing for me all of you fucktards rip on Patterson, Ramirez, Hendry, Baker and Wood and leave me unscathed. It’s amazing how sterling my reputation is, even though most of the Cub pitchers have not only not not improved, but have slid backwards, during my tenure (and before you bring up that fat insane Zambrano, keep in mind the guy’s about the 25th best NL pitcher right now). I’m the Gary Matthews Sr. of pitching coaches. If there were any justice, I’d be duct-taped to a southbound Red Line seat with a KKK hood slapped on my head and sent sailing through the south side, but you Desipiots have left me alone. I thank you for sparing me, even though I’m as deserving as anybody.
Beep. Beep. Beep.
Isn’t Baker Basher going to stop by?
Please?
Please apply for the open position at 1060 W. Addison, there is a farce of a major league ballclub that needs your immediate attention. Thanks.
Well, okay.
Blah blah blah Dusty sucks blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.
FDF – Fuck Dusty Forever
Thank God Wellemeyer is back though, that way Bartosh has someone to play pattycake with down in the pen, while they rot.
Hey, I can play pattycake too!
why is everyone complaining? THIS TEAM IS LIKABLE!!! wheeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!
I demand a Trade.
Cubs are sucking me big time
every bullpen needs and “enforcer” just like me.
I would have put a brewer in the hospital.
The only one going to the hospital is YOU, to clear up your syphilis, you jackass.
My postgame comments from Carrie Muskat’s latest:
Ahem.
“It’s the same thing we did the last 10 games of the season last year. We saw guys pressing, trying to do too much, guys wanting to win so bad, guys wanting to do so well to help the team win that all of a sudden you get that guy at third base and, instead of trying to hit a ground ball up the middle to do the little things, you’re trying to lift the ball out of the park to make it a two-run game instead of a one-run game.”
Oh, right, they’re playing like rancid shit only because they’re trying too hard. And the only way to get the lead in the situation he’s talking about would be to hit a home run, obviously.
If this team tried half as hard to win games as they do trying to get the honor of being Desipio’s Dumbass Du Jour, they wouldn’t suck so bad. Hairston’s probably the big winner today.
he gone
Who gone?
I may have syphilis but I also have guts, while I was here NO ONE (especially the low life brewers) would be bullying us around without me answering.
just ask that Reds pitcher
hawk’s eye
:::Chuck is to Korey Patterson as Mark David Chapman is to John Lennon:::
I prefer: …as Mike Ditka is to Revie Sorey.
Wasn’t it Sorey’s locker that Ditka threw the contents of into the Halas Hall parking lot?
Go eat some more pussy, retard.
All you did in that Reds game was blow a game and then get suspended after you–look out–THREW AT THE OPPOSING PITCHER. Ever since you were so bold as to take on opposing team’s fat, out-of-shape pitcher, you never once threw inside. Why do you think hitters were able to dive across the plate and slap your straight-as-an-arrow 100 MPH fastball the other way? Because you were TOO MUCH of a pussy to throw inside.
Don’t give me that shit.
Talk all you want about being a tough guy. You’re nothing but a mimbo who happened to be a bigger pussy than any of the assclowns you left behind.
You just have to take care of what you’ve got to do. That’s the whole secret.”
Chuck,
Try Ricky Watts.
Ditka also cut Never-Met-A-Microphone-He-Didn’t-Like Noah Jackson. The move was unpopular with the media, just like Jackson’s latter-day Doppelganger, James Big Fat Williams.
Revie was done in by injures. The guy was an All-Pro when he was healthy.
You tell ’em, Skipper (assclown). I’ll keep sac bunting (retard) whenever you want me to advance the runner (waste an out). If the guys in the lineup behind me (pussies) weren’t trying so hard to win (lolly-gaggers), we’d have won this game! And the last 5 games, too!
i was not big z’s homer against the astros
i was when big z stood up against a raging barry bonds in sf
that day the cubs showed heart, this team doesn’t have it
yeah…whatever….I like Detroit better
and Detroit is a tough town…just like me
Come back to bed, Farnsie!
How’s the visibility?
I have been ripped on here before, but you are right that it has been an easy ride for me. How come Prior’s first major mechanical problems happend with me? It always seems that when I inherit a veteran ie; Al Leiter, Greg Maddux, Kevin Brown they stay healthy and do what they do. But I am death for young pitchers. I am a complete assface. Do I even spend time with my relievers? When Dusty decides to leave, because he won’t be fired, I hope I get canned.
I’m at my peak before the lights take full effect, thanks for asking buddy.
I got suspended for roiding last season while with an Angels affiliate.
This team is likeable… too bad they look like they just wanna get to the post game spread. Does Dusty even talk to his players? Or does he just slap them on the ass and chew a toothpick. There’s no way he lights a fire under anyone’s ass and he won’t change his style over a little criticism, dude.
We’re likeable?
I’m an assclown.
I just said that if the Cardinals had won game 1 of the World Series last year, it probably would have resulted in a 4 game Cardinal sweep. I am a complete Moran and Assclown
Even I know that, and I’m dead.
Looks like my nemesis is gone, bro. No more Baker Basher for this weblog, dude.
Hello Mitch, I just read that ole Doc Buss gave you a vote of confidence,
it wasn’t your fault that they traded away Shaq, etc…could you just call
Andy, Tribune people, tell them…tell them, you know, getting rid of
Sosa, Alou, Gruds, Farns, Clement, I mean, you would’ve done the same thing,right?
I am so upset I am going to shave my pussy and call Tommy Leeì
Who actually thinks the Cubs would be a better team had Hendry held on to Sosa (selfish clubhouse cancer on the decline), Alou (DL resident), Grudzielanek (decent, not great), Clement (pussy), Farnsworth (meth-addicted drunk)?
Honesty compels me to welcome the good folks from Chicago to the award wining
pregame show. Alonside my partner, Steve Stone and my co-host “visibility”, we’re
here to bring you, like old times, the game between the cubies and the Phils
where’s Jo-say Biz-key-eeeeee-no??
aaaagggg….give me a BUD
Hey is Glendon starting today instead of me?
Since all of you missed me so much, I just had to chime in. Whoever thinks he’s cute signing in under my title, you’re a complete jackass! You know when Baker Basher says Dusty is a genius there must be a fraud behind that computer screen.
Anyway, same old story yesterday another one run lose. The Cubs tease and torture their fans and none the less lose the game in the 9th too. I’m not going to even bitch about Hawkins pitching there because any of those stoogies that you took out of that scrap iron bullpen would have lost the game.
Vintage Cubs and you will continue to see this performance out of this team until Dusty Baker quits playing Mr. Nice Guy. After Mulletsworth got thrown out of the game, Dusty should have gotten into Todd’s face and chewed some ass instead of that toothpick. Why not throw a cooler or two also? Get that big blubber of waste up off that bench and make a scene in front of your team to ignite something. Baker is too lazy and passive to instill any type of energy in this loser of a team. There is only one person to point the finger out and it is simply Dusty.
Until he gives in and gets rid of this stubborn act and changes personalities, we will continue to faulter into the doldrums of Cub Hell.
FDF= Fuck Dusty Forever
Baker Basher
I missed you, dude
Ahh, we add another entry today!
My blog is really all you need to follow the Cubs.
Baker Basher…why exactly do you feel it’s necessary to log onto a day old gamecast and provide a summary of the game that we all spent the greater part of yesterday tearing apart? Start a blog, dipshit.
CT, I started a blog.
The Mulletsworth joke is getting less funny now that Baker Basher is using it. He’s also from Jasper, Indiana… which means he probably has a mullet.
when today’s lineup is posted
My manager has a mullet.
I would also have a mullet if the Beeg had one
Hi gang! Rob Goldman of CLTV and WGN-AM, or at least formerly of CLTV and WGN… Anyway, I thought that before we open the phone lines on the Cubs, I wanted to show you some more of my dalliances with this 15-year-old deaf girl that I was going to bag before I found out it was really a 37-year-old male investigator for the Lake County State’s Attorney.
2B Hairston Jr., Jerry .263
CF Patterson, Corey .264
1B Lee, Derrek .404
3B Ramirez, Aramis .248
RF Burnitz, Jeromy .298
SS Perez, Neifi .325
LF Hollandsworth, Todd .238
C Blanco, Henry .100
Prior, Mark (3-1, 3.75)
Well, thank god Hank and Neifi are back in there.
I’m an insufferable retard. I just said the Cubs “did not play good baseball” in Milwaukee. Gee, ya think? What first-rate analysis you get out of my rotting corpse.
Hey gang, check out my heartfelt mothers day card to my wife.
I also don’t swear, and I love god, therefore Rob Drake…see you in h-e-double hockey sticks my friend.
Mrs. Hollandsworth,
I got your mother’s day present right here, baby. How bouts you come here and experience a real man?
Well, I did let the fool name one of our kids Tugg, so I must be pretty tolerant.
http://www.chicagotribune.com/sports/sns-ap-fbn-eagles-mitchell,1,3511668.story?coll=sns-ap-sports-headlines
Hey Bears fans! How about putting me opposite of Mushin Muhammad?
Are we sure Dusty isn’t the real Mrs. Hollandsworth, I have never seen a dude this shitty get this much play.
I’m endearing myself to the Desipiots.
First of all, I ragged on Baker (whose ass I normally kiss) on last night’s Sports Central for not playing Dubois eveyrday. Today, I asked that human PR ass-licking softball pitcher Santo if he grilled Baker about Baker not playign Dubois on his pregame interview (“no” what a surprise), and now I’M interviewing Dubois myself.
See? I’m not always just a fanboy moran.
At what point does Hollandsworth’s red-ass become the lesser seen half of the LF platoon? This month maybe? Not that Dubois is Patterson with the glove, but “Holly” blows and needs to save his energy for pinch hit situations. The Cubs could benefit from the additional 10-15 RBI’s the team would have if Dubois was playing.
That’s Doo-Bwah.
Really, Straw?
Never?
Kaplan, of course you’re still a fanboy moran.
Except now you’re MY fanboy (but still ultimately a moran).
Can a sniper please take me down?
I’ll be there as soon as possible.
Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
Beware my prowess!
Oh shit, Blanco’s in the lineup. I hope I have my A stuff today.
My 3 year splits at Wrigley:
13/34, 10 R, 1 2B, 7 HR, 18 RBI, 7 BB, .382/.476/1.029/1.505
Yes, my SLG at this park is over 1. The fans on Waveland and Sheffield will be wearing their arms out after my at bats in this series.
My fat ass would have played that into a triple.
Buddy.
…is a lot the first inning in Cincinnati that Prior pitched.
Let’s hope he settles down like he did in that one.
The wind is blowing out! The wind is blowing out! We will all be swinging from our asses!
The only thing is, we might actually get a couple homers today with the wind’s help, so yay.
Arnold says welcome to me!
Did Corey just have me?
Will we see more than nine pitches COMBINED over the next two innings?
Dinner is served.
Let me say hello to the cubs season
This is going just ducky.
I know the wind is blowing out, but shit, shouldn’t I be getting less of the plate?
…was horrible on that HR.
Since when am I calling pitches from the bench?
Go read this post for more on Barrett’s pitch selection: https://www.desipio.com/messageboard/bcsfuckingpostagain
Thanks for the ntr, faux BC. Otherwise, I woulda thought it was him!
I….
I’m not good.
I’ve got good stuff again.
If Mike Lamb can hit a grand slam, so can I!
Huh. You think one of us should go out and calm him down?
Nah.
Maybe not.
hey gang, nice to be back, you know the drill:
How’s the visibility?
The key is to get to 0-2 with two outs. Then the catcher calls for the “hawkins” pitch
Why should I calm him down? The less visible I am, the less likely I’ll be exposed for being the fraud that I so very much am.
Sure strike out Lidle. Still have to get past me, Meat.
At least I can still strikeout Cory Lidle!
you NEED me, BAD
Actually Steve, I am a little under the weather today.
Pretty impressive, no?
Do NOT doubt me, motherfuckers
Yeah, I just like making it look exciting. It’s good for WGN ratings, now that Chip’s gone.
Am I squeezing Prior like a roll of Charmin?
Psssh, that was all me and my amazing pitch selection.
Hey Guys, I am blowing out. Not up.
Nei-fever at the plate representing the tying run!!!!!!!!!!!
Is that when two ugly people fuck against the wall?
I must kill Chase Utley!
Yeah, I just like making it look exciting. It’s good for WGN ratings, now that Chip’s gone.
Blah blah blah, more of this tired “We can’t catch a break” bellyaching.
I really need to beaten to death with one of my prosthetics.
way to work the count, boys………
Cubs,
I’m currently available to be checked out in your favorite library.
I am fucking awesome. At least according to Todd Walker I am. And Dusty, and that’s all that matters. Fuck Dubois’ development. I am the real deal. I love you Marci and Tugg.
Todd come on down, you’re the next contestant on the …
i went a little albom and called burnitz out before he got a 2 base hit
my apologies, i will now take a leave of abscence
I had to take a shit. Besides, i nearly had a hit.
Hollandsworth? Oh, he’s just really, really, bad.
The scouting report says let the cubs get a runner in scoring position.
Yeah, get mad at me because you know I fill out the lineup card.
Um, what happened? Why’s Kerry Wood wearing my jersey and pitching?
What scouting report? There is a report? Where is it?
hollandworthless says it all!
Greetings from hotlanta, folks. Tonight is a special night… THE BEEG IS HERE!
Or, get mad at me because I am an assface.
But don’t confuse the Standing 2 bagger with the Standing tea bagger, which involves a midget.
Get mad at the guy not playing. Don’t pay attention to us!
I’m secretly paying off Dusty Baker to keep that Dewboy out of the lineup. I want to forever be remembered as the last Cubs’ Rookie of the Year. I also hate how Dewboy does that laugh when people poke him in the belly. That stuff freaks me out worse than some spider-sized clowns.
I own your franchise
Just get mad at us in general.
Not so fast Walton
come back home, dub-ass
We have just issued a press realease on tribune.com denying the report that Pat Burrell owns the Chicago Cubs franchise.
I thought I was THAT girl on the college campus that every one got it on with and thus required all incoming freshmen to double bag in order to limit the chance of an STD down to 86%.
A 2 bagger is a girl who is so ugly that you wear a bag over your head in case the bag over her head breaks.
Hey 2 bagger, your cute. Are you looking for a job. Here is my Cell number
hey buddies, remember buddies the times when in days like these I would go 3-4 with 2 HRs and 5 RBI’s, buddies?
I was invented to help protect trees from being cut needlessly to make paper bags.
Will i swing at the first pitch??
I am a dumb@ss
What a nice leadoff batter Jerry has turned out to be! Jerry the lesser is no justice, it should be Jerry the shittier one.
Assface or not, too bad Walker’s not healthy.
I’m basically Neifi, but hitting crappier.
Jerry, I look forward to spending time with you again in the near future.
Hey Cubs,
Since I’m not playing hockey this season I’m available to come into games and hit some guys. I could hit some well known ass clowns such as Carlos Lee, Lassie Edmonds, Chip Carey, and Pat Burrell. It’s time this Cubs organization quit taking shit from these guys. Screw a few minor suspends without pay.
See you morans. That is why Dusty wanted to play me over the Lesser in the first place. Viva le Neif!
I got ups!
Hey NHL Enforcer,
Once you join this team, you will not be able to hit a thing.
I’m with you NHL Enforcer, Detroit is tough and I’m also tough
I’ll kick Pat Hughes in the cajones, dude, buddies, aahh whatever
You’d have a big day at the plate, but the score would be 6-4 Philly because you wouldn’t have made the two plays that Beer Nutz has made today.
When’s the last time the Cubs had one of me?
Franchise won’t see me today…
Good thing this is the only game this afternoon. With the amount these two teams suck, we would run out of “0”s.
Good thing this is the only game this afternoon. With the amount these two teams suck, we would run out of “0”s.
after 5 straight L’s, today’s a fine day to have me
Why are the Cubs afraid to take me??
Yeah, I’m that good.
Shit. How am I supposed to hit with Lee on Second to distract me
I am a GOD.
Did that memo say $44 million? Fuck. We could have upgraded the Weekend section of the paper for 1/10th that!
The spirit of Gabor is haunting this team and has taken over the minds and bodies of everyone but Derrek Lee.
Thanks for the $44M.
Who’s your daddy
…Gabor’s batting a nifty .261 for L.A.
He couldn’t sniff .261 while he was here.
this team reminds me of when I was here
At least the next botom half of the inning is loaded with offensive pop. This is a tortuous time to be a cub fan.
That’s right, bitches! And when I roll into Chicago later this month, I’ma hit for the cycle against Prior.
Under .285.
That’s my obp.
Can’t the fucking Cubs at least get me? I know Lidle is a perennial Cy Young contender, but come on.
at the rate this thing is going, burrell will be 3-3 and batting in the 8th.
I say Remlinger or Macias hits him and this ingnites the team.
Worst case scenario Remlinger or macias get 2 week suspensions, which isn’t bad.
7th inning. I think I can, I think I can.
If I beat out an infield hit, is it wrong for Pat to day, “Ronny just legged that one out”?
If Remlinger or Macias hits anyone, I’ll do something much worse than suspend those two losers. I’ll make the cubs play them daily.
Yes.
2 outs
I should be punishment for swinging at the first pitch.
I bet I could thow a complete game shutout against these guys under 27 pitches no less.
At least with me, you don’t clog up the bases with walks.
They’re still shitty.
Sorry Mark, I know you wanted to see me, but it’s gonna be double switch time after this half inning.
1 month before I can even start my rehab. Bye Cubs fans, it’s been…fun?
I’ll never happen. I can’t even imagine most of these guys ever intimidating or hitting anyone.
You can’t?
I’m the same as Mendoza Line, but instead of .200, I’m .100
MOST of these guys. Zambrano is an exception, along with a couple others.
We’ll start a brawl. With the umps.
7th inning, please I miss you. Look I’m hitting 400. I think that’s better than Macias.
That’s a terrible line Blanco line. How can something be the same, but different.
Actually, I’ll try to start a brawl, but nobody’s got the stones to charge me.
I don’t want to mar my pretty face with a black eye, but I would throw my helmet as a show of support.
Prior’ll see the 7th.
I’ve thrown almost as many strikes as Corey’s thrown pitches.
I guess if I had to fight, I could try to ram someone with my enormous head.
Who singing during the stretch? Hawk Harrelson…
1-2-3 strikes, he gone!… at the old ball game.
The reason we aren’t winning is because of the Desipio web server. It keeps telling us to Cowboy down when we need to be Cowboying up.
I told you I could hit as well as Macias.
Boston didn’t win last year because we cowboy’d up, Todd. We won because God pitched through me! He cared so much about us winning.
Are our combined powers unable to save our team from even another defeat?
Where, oh where, is Super-Neifi! in our hour of peril?
Something feels weird, did we just get a walk?
Huh?
Maybe I stopped looking back at the catcher? I need to do that shit again.
I suck.
OK, that feels better. We were starting to get out of our comfort zone with all this walking.
No Corey. You blow.
Yeah, I suck. But fuck you anyway, Chuck.
“LaTroy Hawkins almost got hit by that screaming linbe drive by Lee”
Too bad he missed.
I, the Lord God Almighty, do indeed have a message for the world – one that I wish to show through my son Curt…
And that message is that being an asshole, a tool, an egomaniac, and a total blivet doesn’t mean you can’t pitch – it only means that you’re an asshole, a tool, an egomaniac, and a total blivet.
Hey! My career OBP is the same as Dave Kingman’s.
Is .302 any good?
Well, since it says to write a comment in, I will.
Besides, I want to see the “cowboy down” comment.
Yeah, dumbass, it would be fucking great if I got added to the disabled list too.
If ARam had any pride, he’d try to do something about it.
Unfortunately, because Pride isn’t stuffed with bavarian cream, he’ll pop up instead, and get 9 outs closer to…
BUFFET TIME!!!
I do it all, seriously.
(yelling from dugout) Hey! Dude! Stop clogging the f$#%ing bases!
If LaTroy had gotten hit by that ball, you know somehow he’d end up out for 2 months, and then gimpy three years later with a bad knee, or something.
Do you do us, Derrek?
A blivet, by the way, is WWII jargon for 10 pounds of fecal matter in a five-pound container.
In case you were wondering.
Plus, it’s a quite apt description of Curt Schilling.
Jesus loves me. Jesus IS me! I’m actually omnipresent, I think. You can read all about it in my autobiography in a few years.
Hank is currently below me at .091, and….. sorry for my grammar
Again Cub fans, we have the strength of our order coming up in the seventh. I pray to the lord Hank does not hit. Prediction for the seventh…Neifi swinging bunt, gets on Hollandsworth K, Hank K, Macias pinch hit for Prior ground out.
Actually, I’m busy trying to convince God to give me the power I so desparately need…
To turn the Cubs injuries into FUNK!
Or at least Fung. Because I hear that Fung is a good ingredient for winning. I think. Maybe.
I studied on killin’ you… but the bible says you ought notta do such things… so I reckon it aint worth it, unh hunh…
Neifi-Mullet-Hank due up in the 7th
Jesus, fung is winning and winning is fung. It’s a paradox, buddy.
Curt Schilling wants to K me!
…is well underway.
This is the meat of the order, the veteran power in the lineup, dude. If they can’t do it, no one can. Erin Go Bragh, bro.
Oh, I’m some brand of Jesus lover too?
Three lefties due up in the eighth for Philly…Dusty will go with Remy!
See Jason, that’s veteran leadership. I was able to foul 4 balls off before stinking out.
It wouldn’t be what would Jesus do, it’d be What would I do?
How ’bout them Cubbies? If I was alive, I’d have many tall cool budweisers and wonder what the hell I’m watching!
I’m one sad fuckin’ peice of crap starter. Thank God Dusty will continue to judge me all season long based on my career year that only lasted 1 1/2 months last year.
Grandpappy! How are you?
Too bad I don’t pitch half my games against these bums.
Call me grandpappy again and I’ll slit your throat with a broken Bud bottle, you yammering nitwit.
I like those two-baggers. I can’t see anything anyways.
We will trade you a pitcher that dusty ruind (f.rod) for that mulletworth
I’m currently at .085
To put this into perspective, that’s 9.15 outs every 10 at bats.
I could ruin your afternoon right here, Cubs fans!
Judging by Lidle’s economy of pitches today, I’m guessing that Leiber will be somewhere around 53 pitches after 7 innings tomorrow.
You don’t need to do shit, Abreu. We’re losing this baby 0-1.
No way is any old stiff gonna pitch hit for me, Dusty. If it’s not Dubois or Zambrano, I’m going up there with a bat.
Hey Mike D,
I have only thrown 10 more pitches than Lidle. And my total is through 8.
Prior leading off the 8th, let me guess, is it Macias Time?
Macias gets hit. Vogons due at 7 PM
Viva la France!
Kind of ironic with my latest stint on the DL that my dumbass nickname is Hawk. Being that Hawks are known for their keen sense of vision and I only have 1 eye, I should be called Ken “The Mole” Harrelson.
FY…the entire world!
Mendoza, I told you I was as good as you. Take that.
Bunting infront of a strikeout artist is brilliant.
I am a leadoff hitter. I do not know what to do with a hitter in scoring position. I think i will try to get a walk.
Did everyone see that massive 12 inch lead I had off 1st base. I’m a threat on the base paths.
Why do you need to bat, Mark, when I am perfectly capable?
12 inch lead? My tool stretches out further than that.
I’m praying for a home plate collision with DL consequences between Liberthal and macias.
Just stay away from my family, Farns.
Jose, be careful. Don’t let the winds created by my swing blow you off the base.
Boy, that fancam showed how badly I’ve let myself go.
Sigh. Do I have to do EVERYTHING?
I would help you out Derrek, but I suck.
OK, Wagner, you piece of short left-handed white trash. I’m going to take a trip to Waveland Ave. with you.
OK Jose, I want you to steal home.
Catch-22.
Cubs need me. Do I blow the save and diminish the Cubs interest or get the save and bury the Cubs so they won’t trade for me?
Or maybe I’ll just take a stroll to first.
I am fucking amazing! I have never seen anything like me.
Hooray
Wags,
Blow a few saves, and we can deal Hollandsworth for you.
(Gulp)
Please, please score another run!
OK, who hasn’t blown a save lately?
Better than the deuce.
I haven’t!
Aw shit!
Thanks Billy. Considering I am the only one on this team that can hit, I found it strange that you didn’t clog the bases with me.
I am fucking speechless.
How can a man be so utterly predictable in his heroism?
I am a seriously bad-ass MF’er. Listen up NL, don’t challenge me with your closers.
I can’t wait to get to play the asstrolls so that I can find that 100 mph fastball. I know I left it somewhere.
I suppose this means I grave my IF glove and play third, right?
I sure hope that’s a snickers bar in my hanes.
Three spot. Cubs. That’s sosa spot. I own him. You mean there is a new guy? Shit.
I grab my infielder’s glove, I meant
LaTroy, right back at you.
No Latroy, its a big pile of me.
I grab my infielder’s glove, I meant
I suck
You guys ready to admit you want me back yet?
With Hawkins setting up, we might actually win a couple.
Shutup Macias! Dusty didn’t do a double switch this time.
Hey, maybe if we keep justifying Latroy being a closer, they’ll let us stay around for awhile.
Sweaty Joe is my favorite ballplayer.
I do check in on Desipio every now and again… right?
Yes.
Uh Oh.
At least I make things exciting.
Dude, it was a tough play, dude.
Plop! Squish! Plop!
I went a long way from Opie to Richie Cunningham to Academy-Award winning actor to Phillies’ first baseman, didn’t I?
I sure get a lot of 0-2 counts on hitters. How come I never waste a pitch?
Don’t worry y’all, LaTroy is due.
Those are the saddest of possible words
Perez to Hairston to Lee
Ahh who am I kidding?
Look out punks!
I’m not dead?
Not yet, soon, just not yet.
I picked the wrong week to quit drinking.
We’re loaded!
Why can’t Hendry get me a real veteran like Offerman? The yougsters like Macias are just cloggin up my base paths.
This is my last hitter if I walk him.
These are the saddest of possible words:
“Neifi to Jerry to Lee.”
Trio of bear cubs, and fleeter than birds,
“Neifi to Jerry to Lee.”
Ruthlessly pricking our gonfalon bubble,*
Making Mike Lieberthal hit into a double–
Words that are heavy with nothing but trouble:
“Neifi to Jerry to Lee.”
Latroy this is your last hitter.
Dammit! Give me rewrite:
“Making future Cub Placido Polanco hit into a double-“
No it ain’t dude, you’re due.
That’s a new one.
Finding new ways to lose.
Anyone for Mighty Placido At the Bat?
Hit Wagner, LaTroy!
I did not explain this well. What happened?
Wow, the Cubs are even more pathetic than the Phillies. I can’t believe that throw.
My job is to give my team a chance to get me the win.
Somebody please explain what the hell just happened…
Latroy should get me.
Any of you had me yet?
Could you tell me what happened?
Bases Loaded, one out.
Line drive back to Latroy, he catches it, tries to double Offerman off first, the throw hits Jose in the back ricocheting into the crowd.
That’s 2 bases for each runner, and 2 runs scored.
And that’s a new way to lose a game.
Hero time.
Polanco lined the ball to me. I was going to get the DP at 3rd, but the runner was back. Then I whipped the ball into the Phillies bullpen.,
Where am I ?
No, LaTroy should go back to the 8th inning, where he’s a COMPLETELY different pitcher…
Dusty, on the other hand….should be shot. In the head. Until there’s nothing left of it but a nub and goo.
We are so fucking pathetic it’s sick.
At least the runs were unearned.
On the bench, Dew Boy. Shut up!
Hear me now….
Why didn’t you assholes get me the win?
Too early to demand a trade?
my boy and fellow cardinal polanco was there to torture you, just like I planned MUAHAHAHA
Hey Latroy, want a ride on a motorcycle?
Next time let me close.
Do we have enough alcohol for Andy to drink away his sorrows tonight?
Bars in Lakeview, no. There is barely enough in us.
What Dusty is trying to do is TOTALLY ruin my confidence to the point where I am no longer an effective setup man either.
But Latroy you were due.
Hey, I listened to you guys that time. Last of the 9th, you need 1 run, you have to let Neifi hit and save Barrett to pinch-hit for Hollandsworth.
Damn, there are only a couple of us, thanks to the Women’s Christian Temperance Union. And you won’t find much in Wilmette or Skokie, either. But you can find a few dandies in Whiting, Ind.
Hey, I did this on purpose. I wanted to give my favorite writer, Baker Basher, some material for today.
Bars in Evanston, that will teach you to let your women control you.
… one sec … Yes, dear what can I do for you dear.
I’m the new nickname for the cubs
I’m waking up every team I face.
How’s everything going guys!
Is this team us?
let’s start it…AGAINST LA TROY
Keep bitching about me and you’ll have to deal with more Blown Saves the rest of the season
Maybe there will be a double suicide tonight in Chicago- Dusty shoots Latroy, then shoots himself.
The Cubs need to fire Dusty for even thinking about putting Hawkins on that mound. Then they need to release Hawkins and take the lose on the money just like Nomar. What’s another couple million down the toilet for the Tribune Company. The Cubs keep losing like they do and there willl be a boycott of Tribune newspapers bought in Chicago. I guess they’ll still have Sox fans buying them.
D Lee who is Mr. Cub and team Cub, almost damn near solved one major problem during the game when he hit that laser beam that just about killed Hawkins in the bullpen. But God is definitely not on our side and Latroy escaped to go on into the 9th to perform his satanic ritual of hell towards Cub fans.
Hawkins’ worth right now is going out on I-90/I-94 and being roadkill for one of those truckers. He’d probably be clumsy enough to trip and miss the truck though.
I just wonder if Dusty is even flinching an inch regarding this play. He seems to be a very content loser.
FDALF=Fuck Dusty and Latroy Forever
Baker Basher
No, we are just trying way TOO hard, we’ll be okay once we give up.
you’re using me wrong…if Dusty kills La Troy is a Homicide, not a suicide
We won’t take “the lose” on anyone.
Don’t look at me, I was in the bathroom the whole time
Is Dusty trying to ruin Hawkins’ career? It looks that way, huh.
when is the hall of fame game?
Yeah, let’s see, I’ve given Dusty a vote of confidence. Hahaha…Put the
attention on him, so nobody will notice what a spectacular non-event
my off season was… Let’s see, I soved the bullpen by bringing in nobody…
I replaced two outfielders with 75 home runs, 180 rbis with nobody, I dumped
Gruds, oh what? He’s starting for the Cards? Well, anyway I signed one of
the susperstar free–oh that’s right, we didn’t want to spend the money…
well, anyway, I watched the chaos of spring training and figured our
relief staff was good to go…
*** awaking from a nap ****
You all just need to cowboy down a little.
D. Lee CF
D. Lee 2B
D. Lee 3B
D. Lee 1B
D. Lee LF
D. Lee RF
D. Lee SS
D. Lee C
D. Lee P
Bring me to the majors and I will be the closer. It is not like this team is ever in a save situation two games in a row.
Miss me now?
Hey, I did this on purpose. I wanted to give my favorite writer, Baker Basher, some material for today.
Yeah, I gave Dusty the vote of confidence, but then I mention this:
“It can turn in a heartbeat, just like the Astros last year,” he said. “They were one step from being buried, and then the last few months they were probably the best team in baseball. The year the Marlins won the World Series (in 2003), they fired the manager–(Jeff Torborg) and then Jack (McKeon) takes over, they go 2-8, and all of a sudden, boom, you get turned around and you go off.”
Hmm, maybe I can get Whitey or Sparky on Line 1…
Hanks scoffs at the success rate.
Stop booing us you meanies. If you want us to do good “show some support”. I can say this shit, since I am at an all-world level right now, without feeling the wrath.
We are the sissiest bunch of turds to ever take the field in Cubs unis. We will cry, bitch, and make more excuses than your average toddler. Whaaa, boo hoo for us, we try so hard. Fuck us! We are a giant bunch of cunts. Whaaa, Boo hooo for us!
Am I a guy? Seriously, I am fucking horrible looking.
Why did Latroy Hawkins even talk to the press yesterday? He looked and sounded like such a dumbfuck.
Then you got Dusty with his same old quotes. “You can’t cry over spilled milk.” That statement was yesterday. What is it going to be today? “We’ve been snake bitten again. The Phillies are a hot team right now. What else can I say dude.”
I wonder how the Cubs will fuck this up today and lose again. It’s almost funny to tune into these games just to see how these assclowns can be creative in blowing games.
What is Dusty trying to prove with a different batting order every day? Then you have him putting two of our worst hitters batting 1-2. It’s not Jerry Hairston Jr. it’s Ramon Martinez Jr. Really what does Hairston provide but a good glove and a stolen base every once in awhile when he’s not getting picked off. That brings up Korey. He’s got 100 some at-bats with just 2 walks. Need I say more.
I wish too that Hollandsworth would get thrown out of games a bit sooner. As a starter, you are absolutely terrible. But the sad thing is if he did get thrown out, moran Dusty would put Macias in instead of Dubois who should be in there.
I think this team is hopeless. As fans, we just need to sit back and laugh at how stupid and pathetic Baker and his dildos screw themselves up the pooper.
FDF=Fuck Dusty Forever
Baker Basher
I think that the Cubs look great. According to them, they will be right there with the cards when all is said and done.
Korey has four walks. Jerry Hairston’s OBP is pretty decent. Now run with it.
Dolan: with a .085 average my status should change to:
VERY SLEEPY or COMATOSE or HALF DEAD
I mean, something a little bit more realistic
good morning folks, come and spend a beautiful saturday here in hotlanta, with me and the Beeg
when I was manager of the D’backs BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH
Dudes, desperate measures for desperate times bro
macias gets the start today at 2B dudes
enjoy! dudes
We get the start today!!! It’ll be like looking into the mirror!
Hey, that was a tough play
Mmmmm, pancakes.
Aramis hasn’t earned much of me lately.
What did you guys think of my last swing?
It wasn’t a very good swing Jason.
Then again, nobody else had a good swing in the game either.
I second that.
Without me, the cubs are 12-17, Even worse than the brewers! Meanwhile, my orioles are 20-9! See how good I am buddy?
Yes.
I put my step in to your guestbook like I always
de, – Sunday, February 22, 2004 at 11:47:29 (PST)