Who knew that a Thursday game at Miller Park and a Friday at Wrigley would be such an educational field trip? I learned some things, and had some other things sort of reinforced. But we’ll get to those in a second. First, we have some much needed homage to pay to our mostest, favoritest Cub.
Carlos Zambrano decided that seven losses in a row was ridiculous, and if nobody else was going to do anything about it, then damnit, he would. He shaved his head to take that one last step towards making himself appear completely insane and then he went out and singlehandedly mauled the Phillies. Sure, he didn’t pitch any better than The Franchise did on Friday, but circumstance on Sunday provided Carlos with a chance to finish what he started.
So he did.
I was at the game on Friday when Prior gave up one measley pop-up into the left field basket, only to watch LaTroy completely freak out and lose a game in a way that would have been hilarious if it wasn’t so tragic. The fat, obnoxious, cell-phone loving prick sitting in the row in front of me decided that right after LaTroy’s bank shot off of Jose Awfulman’s head would be a good time to rip Dusty for not letting Mark Prior pitch the ninth. That’s when I told him to be quiet. Or something to that extent. There may have been an expletive or two in the sentence.
I too, would have loved for Mark to have been in the game. But unlike this tool, I had noticed when Prior was lifted for a pinch hitter (the great Jose Macias) to start the bottom of the eighth. I remembered that because my head nearly exploded when I saw Jose in the on-deck circle. Jose singled (will wonders never cease) and scored the tying run.
So running Mark out there for the ninth on Friday would have required an exception to the baseball rule book. Running Carlos out only required not bringing in Ryan Dempster. Now there’s a tough urge to suppress.
Carlos finished off the Phillies on a strike three, 98 mile per hour fastball on his 136th pitch of the day.
I am sure that the saberweenies are all aghast that Dusty had the temerity to leave Carlos out there for 136 pitches. But when you lose seven games in a row, if you have to leave him out for 236 pitches, you do it. Besides, Dusty had two other problems to avoid. First, if you take Carlos out you have to tell him, and hope that he doesn’t dismember you like a grizzly bear. Second, if you take Carlos out and put Ryan Dempster in the game and Dempster blows the save, then Carlos dismembers him like a grizzly bear. Sometimes inaction is the best action. Such was the case yesterday.
OK, what did I learn (or re-learn) on my trek this weekend to two Cubs games in two different countries in two days?
What, Wisconsin’s not another country? Whatever.
The trip got off to a great start when we couldn’t find any concievable way to get to our seats on Thursday. We were in section 328, which seemed easy enough to find. I could even see it when we first walked into the park. There it was just above the press box. We had seats in the first row. Not a problem. So we go up an escalator and we’re on the 200 level. We go up the next one and we’re on the 400 level. Huh? We took a ramp down and ended up back on 200. I got a rope out, attached a grappling hook and started to climb up to our seats when we were told that in fact, you have to take the elevator up to the 300 level. Thanks for sharing.
You get on the 300 level and it’s like you go into a different park. They check your ticket stub every ten feet. The hall is carpeted. All of the luxury suite doors are accessible. We could have gone in and stolen Ron Santo’s toupee if we wanted.
We went through a glass door and were shown to our seats, where menus were waiting for us. I mean, why walk the 14 feet back to the carpeted hallway when you can make some Marquette undergrad run back to get your beer? Our seats were padded and we had great seats, too. When E-ramis tied the game with a homer in the ninth with a two-out homer the place went nuts. Must be nice to be a Brewer and hear the road fans make your stadium louder than it’s ever been. We also had a perfect view of the pop-up that it looked like Jerry Hairston was going to catch to force a 10th inning. He didn’t.
Most of the fans in our section were Cubs’ fans. The lady sitting next to me was a Cubs fan. I think she was a lady. With that haircut it was hard to tell. She also was having a hard time being contained by the extra-wide seats in our section. She was oozing pretty good into my seat. I’ve had better times. She and her husband had a fat kid and they just about wore out our waiter. I had no idea you could buy ballpark nachos with food stamps?
During the game, the Brewers thought it would be fun to have kids do some of the regular ballpark stuff. They had a seven year old do the PA announcing one inning. He butchered Geoff Jenkins’ name pretty good. Called him Gee-off. Nice. I don’t care how old you are kid, you’re a dumbass.
They even had a six year old pitch a third of an inning. He struck out Macias and got Burnitz to ground into a double play.
See, everything at Miller Park is adorable! Ooh, look at all of the cute kids! Look at the chick with the bad dye job who does live stuff with a wireless mic out in the crowd between innings! Isn’t it cute that you can never hear anything she says?
They have a stand down the third base line where you can have your name engraved on a baseball bat. I went down and got one and then broke the bat in half while I bludgeoned him to death with it. I felt better.
Why did the Cubs lose on Thursday? Well, they gave up homers to Wes Helms and Chad Moeller. That’ll do it.
After spending about 14 hours stuck in the Miller Park parking lot (the traffic cops take a mandatory cheese curd break every four minutes), we headed down 94 to Chicago. I felt safe in at least knowing that the Cubs’ couldn’t find a more painful way to lose a game.
Yeah, I was wrong.
Our seats were right behind the upper deck TV cameras and my seat was exactly behind home plate. We had great seats. Again, we were surrounded by morans.
Behind us we had a family with two kids and no attention spans. And by that I mean the parents didn’t have attention spans. In front of us we had the four, too-old-to-be-yuppie-cell-phone-dumbasses. It was a husband, his wife, the fat dope who didn’t pay attention and what looked like a 12-year old girl wearing an engagement ring.
It was cool to sit behind the camera because on close plays, I could watch the camera guy watch the replays through his viewfinder. It did get annoying though that after every play he would zoom in on second base to get a color balance.
Prior looked like he was going to have a big fork sticking out of his back in the second inning. He gave up a leadoff homer to Pat Burrell, a Judy hit that just found the basket, then gave up a double, a single and a walk to load the bases. Larry Rothschild came out for a chat and whatever he said, worked. Prior not only struck out the side to end the inning, but he struck out the first two guys in the third. He retired 24 of the last 27 hitters he faced, including a string of 14 in a row before he left after the eighth.
I first saw him pitch in person in 2002 before he got shut down with his hamstring or whatever it was and he did nearly the same thing. He got in an early jam, then struck his way out of it. That time he struck out the next seven. He makes it look so easy that it’s scary.
The cool thing about seeing Prior in person is how loud the glove pops when he throws to it. You hear it and think he must have thrown it 98 miles and hour and you look at the radar reading and it’s “only” 92. But every pitch seems to smack dead center in the palm of the catcher’s mitt. You watch Kerry Wood pitch in person and you realize that whoever’s catching that day is in for a day full of awkward lunging.
The other thing you notice about Mark are all of his little eccentric moves. Early in the game when he was still trying to find his control, every time he got to a two strike count he would take the ball back from Hank White and then do a slow 180 degree walk from the front of the mound, around the third base side, and then walk straight up the back of the mound and onto the rubber. Once he got into a groove though, he never left the hill. But he backed up the mound the same way after every pitch. He also tugs at the sleeve on his left arm after every pitch, unless the pitch is put into play.
It’s a glorious bit of OCD. Or something.
The Cubs’ offense was incredibly inept all day and seemed intent on making Cory Lidle a Cy Young candidate. The wind was howling out to center and the Cubs were either grounding out or striking out. That never gets old.
Then, we had one of those goosebump moments that bring you back. Kind of like in golf, when you have a lousy round and then on 17 you smack a drive about 310 right down the middle of the fairway. Derrek Lee’s two run homer in the eighth to give the Cubs a 2-1 lead was one of those. You sit there all day, resigned to the idea that the Cubs are going to lose again, and then bam, you think they’re going to win.
Then, you somehow end up with LaTroy Hawkins pitching with the bases loaded and one out. He’d already had an easy double play grounder bounce off him, after the day before starting the Brewers rally by kicking at a grounder that would have been an easy out for Hairston.
What happened next was surreal. Jimmy Rollins lining one right back at him and LaTroy making a nice catch. Then he was going to throw to third where he would have doubled off the runner, but E-ramis was still getting to the bag. You have to think that if the Cubs weren’t going so badly, and if LaTroy himself hadn’t already blown a crapload of saves that he’d have hung onto the ball. But losing begats losing and LaTroy panicked and tried to end the game right there. The crowd was almost completely quiet, no doubt gasping with fear, when he uncorked his throw to first base. I was, I don’t know, 300 feet away, probably and I can swear that I heard the ball hit Offerman’s helmet. I know that I didn’t actually hear it. What happened was that my mind filled in the gap, but I know I saw the ball ricochet off Offerman’s helmet and into the stands. What I don’t know is how that actually happens.
The crowd was literally stunned. LaTroy got booed pretty heartily when he struck out Billy Wagner (yes, Billy Wagner) to end the inning, but when the game ended, instead of there being a huge chorus of boos for the Cubs, most people just kind of staggered out. You saw what happened. You knew what happened. But you really couldn’t believe what happened.
And that, too often, is all about what being a Cubs fan is.
Please let me appologize for penning today’s Dose under the pseudomyn of Andy Dolan. All that I forget to add about my personal experiences was when the tomato fell out of the fly in my pants.
Did I say that out loud?
Hey, if you’re going to call me a dumbass at least feature me as the Dumbass du jour
I don’t understand the complete turning on Kerry — it’s fairly dramatic; read some of Andy’s columns from 12 to 18 months ago for the breadth of the change. He’s hurt, guys. Pitchers get hurt all the time. If you don’t believe me, take a look at how often Prior’s been hurt. Is it his turn for the sexist comments next time? (Re: the tone of some of those comments — Mia Hamm sees a gynecologist and gets cramps and I’m sure she could kick each and every one of your asses.) He’s hurt because he throws a baseball harder than 99.9999% of the universe could dream of throwing it, and because (let’s say it again) pitchers get hurt all the time. Ironmen like Maddux and Clemens are the freaks. Lieber was out for a year and a half. I think we’d take him now. Jason Schmidt’s been hurt a lot (and was a late bloomer). I don’t think anyone would turn him away. Are you all really ready to trash Kerry’s career and send him off to the Rangers? If he goes there, with that infield, odds are he’ll win a world series a lot sooner than the Cubs do.
Oh, don’t sell yourself short, Yellon, I never get tired of reading about your no-job friends and the latest Jewish holiday. Such fun.
We’re paying Krissy Wood’s vagina $12MM/year, I think we have a right to turn on him. And people wanted to bitch about Sosa? At least he played most days. We’re paying Krissy and Mr. Hamm over $20MM to keep the DL nice and warm. Sweet.
If you don’t understand the turning on Kerry, then you don’t watch him pitch.
What’s happened is that the masses have finally realized that he’s just a mediocre pitcher. The guy that struck out 20 7 years ago is gone and is not coming back. He’s not a 20 game winner. He’s not even a 7 inning pitcher.
And every year we get our hopes up for a title run because of his potential. Now that we see that the potential is no longer there, we want guys who give us a good chance to win.
Kerry is no longer one of those guys.
We’re tired of losing. If you aren’t part of the solution, you are part of the problem. Kerry is not the solution, ergo….
They had a good point about sexism, though — there are plenty of women that could easily kick your ass, El Tribune Shareholder. It’s ridiculous to say that because Kerry Wood can’t hack it right now, that he has a vagina. There are plenty of women (yes, with vaginas) that are more bad-ass than Wood, and probably resent the inference of being compared to him.
Chuck,
It would be one thing if Wood’s 20-strikeout performance was just a flash in the pan, and that he doesn’t have the ability to be a stud. He’s been a stud — at times. The potential is still there, but I question whether Kerry Wood cares to harness the potential.
Yeah, he’s hurt, but his throwing mechanics have never been great, and he never changed his mechanics after Tommy John surgery.
He shows little interest in economizing his pitches. Even stubborn Carlos Zambrano has shown the ability to do that at times.
I won’t question Kerry Wood’s manhood, but he’s at a definite crossroads in his career. Where does he want to be in three years: starting for the team of his choice, starting for a team that will have him, closing for the team of his choice, spending his days in the Tampa Bay bullpen as a middle-reliever, or throwing for Duluth-Superior in hopes of getting a spring training invite from the Kansas City Royals?
Mia, come over here and show me your vagina, then I’ll let you know if I’ll let you kick my ass or not. If you promise to wear thigh-high stiletto boots and bring a riding crop, I’ll probably let you bash me around some. But that vagina sees some action. I like your little boobs too.
Teej:
I don’t question Kerry’s desire. I question his willingness to adapt and be coached.
“I’m Kerry F’n Wood! Send me letters and tell me how to pitch, all you armchair idiots out there.”
“Everyone wants to win, but not everyone is willing to prepare to win.”
– Bob Knight
Wood wants to win, but as you said, he’s unwilling to adapt and be coached. Ultimately, if you’re unwilling to do what it takes to succeed, you can want to succeed, but it won’t make any difference.
It’s good to see one of you actually goes to the games rather than sit in front of a computer all day.
There’s been a huge change though in the past 12 to 18 months. We were under the illusion that his 2003 playoff performance was a sign that he was becoming a pitcher, even with the Game 7 debacle included. But last year before he got hurt there were warnings that he was the same, old, Kerry, and you throw three more injuries on top of that and you’d have to be a dope to be optimistic about his future as a starter.
It is likely that his physical problems are the reason he’s so inconsistent. It could very well be that the reason his mechanics change so much from start to start is because he’s compensating for a sore back or a sore shoulder or both from start to start. But does it matter if his health causes the inconsistency or his inconsistency causes the bad health?
So what if he never becomes a 17 or 20 game winner? There’s plenty of value in having a 14 (or God forbid more) winner who eats up innings and scares the bejeezus out of the guys in the batter’s box. But he’s not even that right now.
As Jim Hendry’s boss, I’d like to remind him that we don’t really care if Kerry starts or finishes, as long as he does one or the other and starts to justify the big paychecks we’re writing to him.
You were at Wrigley on Friday, Andy? Why didn’t you call me? Some of my lady friends want to have some words with you.
I caught a foul ball with one hand while standing up and holding my phone with other hand at the game on Saturday. It was actually pretty cool.
What’s worse: a cell-phone loving prick, or the idiot who puts ketchup on his hot dog?
Screw you TJ, I like ketchup, onions and extra kraut on my dogs and brats, so there.
Haven’t been to Wrigley for a few years now, do they still have those tasty BBQ burgers? Loved those.
This was a really good Dose.
Ketchup on a hot dog? Unless you’re 8 years old there’s just no excuse. Try real, live tomatos my friend.
Amen about the Kerry or should I say Mrs. Wood bashing. Every bit of it should be and is justified. This guy’s good days are past him. How many more surgeries for the back, arm, or elbow would it take to cure him. A lot of it is mental and his willingness to be taught the right way to pitch are Kerry’s problems.
Dolan, what luck last week to see two of the most horrific finishes this year. My fiancee and I are actually heading up to Wrigley for Wednesday’s game. It will be her first time to step into the friendly confines, which haven’t been too jolly lately. But anyway, our seats are in section 425. I’ve never been in the upper deck and was wondering if they’re pretty good seats? Then Thursday night we’ll be heading to U.S. Stingular Ballpark for some Sammy Sosa bashing. Our seats are perfect for that as we will be seating in rightfield.
Well bottoms up to our new closer of the month, the Dumpster. The next couple days should be interesting assuming we’ll be in a position to close a game out. I was really hoping to see Sweaty Joe though. He’ll be back here soon and we’ll be the ones sweating when he takes the mound.
Looking forward to seeing the Franchise go for a win Wednesday. If anything else, at least we get to see Hank White in person. What an honor!
Baker Basher
P.S. If you’re at the game on Wednesday and you see a madman screaming loudly at Dusty in section 425, that’s me. FDF=Fuck Dusty Forever
Here’s another dumb question for Baker Basher: what’s the point of making Fuck Dusty Forever into an anagram if you’re just going to spell the whole thing out after you use it?
El Tribuno! As appealing as that sounds, maybe you should find someone that isn’t completely out of your league and famous to show you HER vagina first.
“A lot of it is mental and his willingness to be taught the right way to pitch are Kerry’s problems.”
Baker Basher, with his part-time gig as my psychiatrist, would know EXACTLY what my problems are and all about my mentality, obviously.
Polygamy, gay marriage, living in sin, births out of wedlock, polyamory, mass divorce are less of a threat to me than Baker Basher’s imminent nuptials.
Baker Basher can sign into me using Baker Basher as a username and using what the first thing he’d do upon taking over as GM as the Cubs as his password.
And lookee here, he has his very own blog!
bakerbasher.blogspot.com
Uh, yeah, all of those things are going to hurt the oh-so-sacred bond of marriage so much. I mean, it’s so sacred right now that only 50% of the morans that get hitched split up in the end!
Calm down, divorce rate. To start with, I mentioned you as a threat. No. 2, I was making a joke — get it, a joke? Wasn’t trying to make a major political statement.
Hey season ticket holder guy, some of us have jobs you know. By the way, thanks for helping to pay Woody’s doctor bills.
For those of you who would like to make a political statement…
And, if you see an empty seat next to him, I’m at Murphy’s.
Are you the cute one, Basher’s Fiancee? I can get you a job, you know.
Dude, I’ve been so busy thinking of how we’ll win with Leicester on the mound that I accidentally called myself Baker Basher in the last post.
But fiancee of Basher, we could get a nice job for you. Unless you’re a slumpbuster.
Anybody need tickets?
Don’t worry, he won’t last long. This is a, cough-cough… a family ballpark.
“Her first time at the friendly confines”. Mrs. Baker Basher, I’ll show you a good time at the friendly confines. Just ask Cindy!
The title and accompanying picture of this dose crack me up. Good job, Andy.
Somebody need me to break up a marriage. I’m cool with it. Just gotta get my meds.
Hmm, maybe I’ll book a quick trip to Chicago during my offday Thursday and show Basher’s fiancee “my” Chicago.
It’ll be great!
I am the reason Mrs. Baker Basher has no pain.
Hawk, now that your retina he gone, I’m the only hawk left.
You’re just “ex-hawk with he gone retina”.
Hollandsworth in LF and batting 8th tonight. So much for Dubois’ shot.
you wanted me outta town, now you’re paying
Why am I being sold on the cubs web shop?
Who needs you, Ramon? We got me!
I’m utility bro and you are not.
Heck, I’m 6 times better than the lesser and 94 times better than macias.
I thought I recognized you Season Ticket Holder.
Who cares? I’ll play ANYTHING, mang! You and Macias can’t reeeeally play 3b, anyway.
Until Walker returns, this is the lineup I would like to see…
Hairston, 2B
Perez/Cedeno every once in a while, SS
Lee, 1B
Ramirez, 3B
Burnitz/Hollandsworth every once in a while, RF
Dubois, LF
Patterson, CF
Barrett/Blanco every once in a while, C
After Walker’s return, do we keep Hairston leading off but playing shortstop in order to keep a decent leadoff guy in the lineup? Or do we play him in left and put Dubois on the bench? Or do we keep Neifi! in the lineup and have either him or Walker lead off? Or, does Dusty do the dumbest (but most likely) move and move Patterson back to leadoff, hit Walker second, and Perez eighth?
BC….I have scored a measly 11 runs this year despite my OBP. That’s less than any of the regulars except Hollandsworth and Barrett. So does it REALLY matter if I lead off or not? There’s no way I get benched for Neifi on Dusty’s watch, and no way I should be playing over Walker. So back to the bench I go.
Does anybody know why I even exist?
We’re not in season, my friend, and not too certain about that garden party in your bun in any event.
Dutch Daulton would kill me in a race.
Mmmmm … pancakes
Had him all the way.
I don’t like following the team when I loathe the manager and half the players. I just cringe and wait for more dumb shit every game. This is not fung, mang. And I have to listen to my asswipe Sox neighbor prance around like a girl as well? Sox in first, Cubs floundering, this dickwad is more excited than Michael Jackson at a Cub Scout convention. It sucks, man.
When do the Bears open camp?
Real men don’t eat ketchup on their dogs, pussy. Put a tomato on it faggot and tough it out. Better yet, you fuckin’ pansy… just skin the rat and throw a slice of tomato on it. No need for all that processing of the roadkill before you eat it.
For all of your collective Hendry bashers, I love
all the young arms in farm system, consequently I
felt no need to give any of them up over the winter
for a closer…I felt so good about them I gave away
Clement…I love these guys, Angel, Mitre, Brownly,
etc. etc…we’re the best…Say what?
Why is it the 1st round picks we keep turn out to be zeroes (eg, Patterson and Brownlie and Montanez and Harvey), and the 1st round picks we give up on turn out to be stars elsewhere (eg, Garland and Willis and Sisco)?
Prior is the only one that worked out, and he doesn’t really count, he was so freakishly good already.
Of course, assbag Mariotti decides to trot out his “oh, if only Willis and Garland and Lieber and Clement” column today, so now I feel a little dirty. But still pissed and confused.
Andy: I wasn’t a first rounder.
Ryan: I’m a zero? I know my back hurts right now. But I’m 19 and I can rake.
Um, a good start to my season does not make me a star, the Indians, Royals, and Tigers won’t be this bad forever, will they?
We’re just waiting for you to come back to earth. Then we’ll pass you. Again.
I was an 8th round pick. So I had that going for me. Which is nice.
Also, you always were a fast starter. Not to mention that when hitters begin to re-time you, you begin to get hit hard. Just look at your career stats Fernando, er, I mean Dontrelle.
“It was fun being out in the bullpen, but I was glad for Zambrano because I didn’t really want to come in and give up his run,” Dempster said. “He might have tried to lynch me as I tried to get out of here. When he struck out the last guy, I probably had as much of an adrenaline run as if I was doing it.”
hey, what’s up guys?
I think there is only one round to the Baseball Draft.
I only throw 87, but there’s still hope for me. Even though my name is friggin Bouncin Bobby Brownlie.
Greetings Very good web site. I loved it. Found invaluable information. Just what I was looking for :-)
good URL!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hi! Nice site you got there!
perfect site !!!!!!!! Perfect piece of work fellows !!!!!!!
Hi from New York And thanks for the web site. It was just the thing I had been looking for. It has helped me no end. Thanks again
You’re website looks very good, it was a pleasure to be on you’re. Keep on the good work