Cubs’ announcer Len Kasper seems convinced that the Cubs’ bad luck ended in a curious way. It ended as some guy named Brad Hawpe was lining a 130 mile an hour batted ball off of the precious elbow of The Franchise, Mark Prior. As Prior rolled around in the grass like he thought he was on fire, The Fates looked down and said, “You know, maybe they really have had enough.”
Prior’s elbow turned to not be shattered into a million pieces, and in all likelihood he should be back pitching for the Cubs before either Nomar or Kerry Wood come back.
The Cubs have scored 31 runs in the 29 innings since Prior took one for the team. They’ve won four in a row, E-ramis Ramirez has awoken from his coma, and Jim Hendry apparently worked out a trade while at his mother’s funeral. At the very least they appear ready to find new and different ways to torment us. Which is nice.
Because we were getting pretty tired of the same pattern of good starting pitching followed by a minimum of offense, bad defense and horrific relief pitching.
The new metric is good starting pitching plus erratic offense, plus erratic defense, plus a grab-bag of relief pitching results. I’m sure it’s just the formula that pennant winning teams have been using for decades.
How desperate was Greg Maddux for runs? Last night, for the first time ever, in an effort to keep the mojo going on the win streak, he picked the ugly blue pajama tops. I was so upset that I tried to slit my wrists. Fortunately long ago my family replaced my silverware with forks and spoons made of rubber.
Jerry Hairston homered to lead off the game. He does that a lot, you know. It’s just that this is the first time it was actually fair. Neifi continued his absurdly good play.
(Honest, look back at Neifi’s play since Nomar’s injury and convince me that Nomar would have played better. I’m not saying that Neifi can keep it up for an entire season, but when you add in his inexplicable offensive contributions to his good defense and bonafide leadership qualities…well, I’m just suggesting we don’t make any loud noises around Neifi. I don’t want him waking up and going back to being…you know…Neifi Perez.)
Jason Dubois even drove in a run with a Moises Alou check swing special.
Michael Barrett went yard after Corey Patterson’s second straight hit and it was 4-0 Cubs. Hey, this stuff is easy!
Until the bottom of the fourth.
JD Drew hit a smash about 11 feet, Maddux picked it up and threw it low to Derrek Lee. Neither Gold Glover made a good play and JD was safe, Maddux got the error.
Jeff Pornstache hit a sinking liner that Corey almost ran down in center and runners were at first and second.
Then, the great Olmedo Saenz (who is serious need of having a Greek tell him the formula for his hair) hit a smash to the wall in center. Corey almost made a great play, but couldn’t haul it in. Then, for some reason he sat on the ball on the warning track for a few seconds trying to see if the ball would hatch. It didn’t. Two runs scored.
Ricky Ledee does what Ricky Ledee does (he struck out) and then some guy named Antonio Perez popped out foul to Barrett who tried to drop the ball but couldn’t.
So in one inning you had a Maddux error that could have been saved by Derrek Lee but wasn’t. (Two things that rarely happen). Two “hits” that managed to clank off Corey’s glove. Corey sitting on a baseball on the warning track. Barrett pretending he was a juggler on a foul pop up. All that was missing was one of the guys trying to punt the baseball. Oh, wait, The Farns is in Detroit.
The Cubs have won 13 of their last 20 games. Bet you didn’t know that. You didn’t know that because even with a four game winning streak they haven’t exactly been giving off that “Oooh, we’re playing good feeling.” They went 5-2 against the worst road teams of all-time, so that kind of tempered the excitement.
By the way, remember last week when I mocked the Astros and said that their 2-21 road record at the time was so bad, that no Cubs team had ever even done that?
Yeah, I of course, underestimated the Cubs. The 1981 team did just that. 2-21 to start the season on the road. Figures.
That team started 5-27 on the road and then swept the Cardinals in St. Louis to up their record to an astounding 8-27. Dick Tidrow and Randy Martz got saves in the last two games of the series and Mike Krukow pitched the Cubs to the sweep with a 7-3 win. Gee, how could a team loaded with that kind of talent start off that bad?
Or something.
Speaking of leadership (I did about 14 paragraphs ago), it’s been hard not to notice that the current Cubs aren’t just relying on Derrek Lee’s big bat. He’s the MAN now, in every way. He just seems to have taken charge. On the field his confidence is evident. He’s the first guy out of dugout after homers (not just the ones he hits himself), and he’s not afraid to throw his two cents in on the mound when chatting up one of his own pitchers. You couldn’t miss the slap he gave Todd Wellemeyer on the chest after Wellemeyer got the double play to help him escape the mess he’d made in the eighth after the nine straight balls. Between Lee’s newfound confidence and Neifi’s ability to actually talk to Carlos Zambrano during games, the Cubs have seldom been more under control. Now, if only they were a little better.
Cubs fans got some good news on Saturday. First, the news came that while ESPN was really excited that Mark Prior had “fractured his elbow!” that was technically true, but the bold headline was misleading. (What, ESPN overhype something? Never!)
What Prior suffered was a compression fracture, meaning that when the ball smashed into his arm, the outer part of the bone gave but did not break (he must drink lots of milk) but the inner part of the arm was pressed together so hard that it cracked. But the bone is not part of the elbow joint itself, meaning that actually using the arm won’t cause the break to get any worse. In fact, the Cubs don’t even have to wait for the break to heal before sending Mark out to pitch. So hey, sissy boy! Get off that DL and start throwing!
Oh, but there’s still the problem of Prior having swelling in the elbow from where…you know…a baseball slammed into it.
On Saturday he had a sling on it. Yesterday he didn’t even need the sling. Tomorrow night he’s going to be out in the Dodger Stadium parking lot bench pressing cars.
The Cubs also announced that LaTroy Hawkins’ reign of bullpen terror ended when he was sent (with a huge bag of cash) to the Giants for Jerome Williams and David Aardsma.
Here are three things to remember about the trade.
1) Hawkins actually pitched well for the Cubs in the role to which he was hired to fill, as a set-up man. He rarely walked hitters, he had good stuff, and we’d all be getting in line to give him a shirtless hug if he’d never been asked to try and hold one-run leads in the ninth inning of games. But still, when you are the best pitcher in the bullpen, you should be able to get the last out. He couldn’t. I don’t think that the Cubs needed to trade him, and I don’t think Jim Hendry shopped him around. I think that teams figured the Cubs would listen to offers so they called him and made them, and I think the Giants gave up too much to get LaTroy. Which is nice.
2) Jerome Williams was born in Honolulu, so just the fact that he was willing to leave the island proves he’s a dope. But he’s a dope with an excellent change up, pretty good breaking stuff and at 21 he started a playoff game for the Giants. (Sure he gave up three runs and only lasted two innings…but still, the kid can pitch a little). Jerome missed a big hunk of spring training to attend to his ailing father and when he came back he screwed up one of my fantasy teams by not being able to get anybody out. But he’s 23, he’s already won 17 big league games and he wears a weird pooka shell necklace when he pitches.
3) When he made his Major League debut last year David Aardsma moved ahead of Henry Aaron in the alphabetical listing of guys who’ve played big league baseball. So that’s something, right? I saw him pitch when he was at Rice and he was lights out as their closer. He can throw in the mid to high 90s and has a slider that Dave Otto would call “filthy”. You can argue that a lot of teams would have given up Hawkins if the lone player they were to receive was Aardsma. He’s also just 23 and got rushed to the big leagues last year where he couldn’t find home plate with a compass. He’s starting in AA now to get him more innings, like the Cubs have done with the Ice Man and Todd Wellemeyer.
It looks like a trade that will work out for both teams. LaTroy is too talented to just suck all of a sudden. While the Giants’ atrociously slow outfield defense won’t help him, pitching at Pac Bell (or whatever it is now) will, and if Felipe Alou can resist the urge to use him to close, LaTroy will do well for the Giants.
Williams is a better pitcher than Sergio Mitre and should end up in the Cubs’ rotation before the end of June.
Aardsma’s farther away, but the way the Cubs go through twenty-something relievers, who knows when he’ll be up?
Guess everyone will blame me for bringing the team down.
God I’m glad to get away from this hunk of crap team!!!!!
Hopefully, the Cubs will not rot in last place……
Thanks Mr Hendry for trading me.
I’m not exactly sure what is happening with the Cubs here lately with all this run production? But I’d have to say Ramirez’s hitting is a big factor. It sort of helps when you have two strong power hitters in the lineup instead of just one.
Amen with the Hawkins trade though. It’s about time Jim Hendry did something right this year. I’d have to agree that he didn’t initiate the trade and the Giants called him up instead. It was too good of a trade to pass up for what they were going to give the Cubs, so Jim gave in and made it.
I’m just finally glad that the Cubs have a young bullpen that isn’t overpaid. So what if these guys are a bunch rookies. If they get the job done and you save a butt load of money, you can go spend that money on the offense.
Now if we can keep these injuries down, maybe, just maybe the Satanic Red Fowl will hear footsteps in the next month or two.
Baker Basher
I’m pretty sure the guys most responsible for the Cubs’ recent power surge are: E-ramis Ramirez, Derrek Lee, BK Kim, Joe Kennedy, Jeff Francis and Wilson Alvarez. Just a hunch.
Check out these great lines after the Holiday weekend:
Sullivan: “After accidentally cutting his left ear lobe in a freak shaving injury, Paul Sullivan is back to answer your questions about all things Cub.”
Marrioti: “Let me first say this: The people who wrote letters to LaTroy Hawkins and peppered him with racial epithets should hang from a Wrigley Field flagpole by their testicles.”
Quality stuff. Who says journalism’s dead?
I wonder which Dodger Alyssa Milano is after now? She even stayed longer than most Dodger fans last night.
Hide me!!!
I’ll admit it.
Alyssa and I are dating.
I met Alyssa at Match.com, and we’ve been e-mailing for months!
I was thinking Brad Penny because of his connection with her ex Josh Beckett.
Hey, Dave B. As for my connection with Josh Beckett, I was really drunk and looked really hot that night.
Yeah, I guess I did word that observation in a homo-sounding manner. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, especially if it’s those two.
I suck.
May 28th, 2004: In the second game of a memorable Double Header (if you’re Rob Mackowiak Jr. or whatever the hell he named his kid) allows the second consectutive game tying ninth inning homer to the new Daddy. Cubs lose in 10, 5-4.
June 30th, 2004: Brought into a tie game in the ninth, craps his pants and gives up tie breaking HR to Carlos Beltran. Cubs lose 3-2.
July 20th, 2004: Generalissmo Albie Pujols goes 5-5 and hits his third homer of the day (a three run shot) off Latroy in the 9th sealing the Satanic Fowl’s victory after being down 8-1. Cubs lose 11-8.
July 25th, 2004: After getting nothing the entire game against Philles starter Eric Milton, the Cubs manage to scratch two across in the ninth to tie the game. Unfortunately, Latroy blows it in the bottom half and allows a single to Pat Burrell to end it. Cubs lose 3-2.
August 21st, 2004: Coming into the ninth down by 1 to the Astros, the Cubs actually manage to score 2 off closer Brad Lidge. What happens next? You guessed it, Latroy comes in for the “save” and gives up two more. Cubs lose 4-3.
September 25th, 2004: After The Franchise goes 7 2/3 scoreless innings against the Mets, Latroy comes into the game with 2 guys on and 1 out. After getting someone named Jeff Keppinger to fly out, the ever dangerous Victor Diaz goes yard to tie the game. Cubs lose in 11, 4-3, after someone else named “Craig Brazell” homers in the 11th off Kent Mercker.
April 8th, 2005: Latroy + Hollandsworth in for “defense” = another one run 9th inning blown save. Cubs lose the home opener in 12, 6-3.
April 23, 2005: The Battlin Bucco’s battle back with 2 in the 9th-Jason Bay homers to cut the Cub lead to 3-2 and Latroy then walks Craig Wilson’s mullet. Freddy Sanchez triples off Glendon Rusch to give the Bucco’s a 4-3 lead and they hold on to win.
May 5th, 2005: Cubs tie in the ninth + bringing Latroy into a tie game + Jerry the Lesser on defense + Carlos Lee = Another 1 run loss, 6-5.
May 6th, 2005: Derrek Lee homers off Billy Wagner in the 8th inning to give the Cubs the lead. Latroy brought into a game with a one run lead which allows this hilarity to occur after Latroy craps his pants and throws the ball off Jose Offerman’s helmet: P Polanco lined out to pitcher, J Michaels and D Bell scored, J Offerman to third on throwing error by pitcher L Hawkins. Not something you see every day. Cubs lose 3-2.
May 9th, 2005: Demoted from the closer role, Latroy instead enters the 8th inning in a tie game. It won’t make a difference as Dougie Eyechart goes yard, and the Cubs go on to lose 6-3.
But, oh yeah, it’s racism.
Nobody SAID the reason he didn’t pitch well was racism, you dumbass. But the fact that he got racist hate mail, no matter how he pitched, no matter what he did, is FUCKED UP. That seems to be what Dusty was getting at.
And I never heard Hawkins complaining about racism to the media while he was getting booed. I actually never heard him complain at all. So please, for the love of God, shut up.
Dear LaTroy,
Welcome to the club. Your key to the lodge is enclosed.
Remember, there is life after the Cubs.
Sincerely,
Past-Presidents
Dave Smith
Antonio Alfonseca
Rick Aguilera
Mel Rojas
Mitch Williams
Terry Adams
Rod Beck
I am taking my poop and leaving this racist town…plop, slosh, fart, plop, poop…1 last time y’all. I be out.
Dear Christ. LaTroy stated on at least two occassions that he was playing for the other 24 players, Dusty, and Hendry, and that’s it. Fuck him. The racist stuff sucks if it happened, but good riddance to him and his fragile psyche.
Leave me out of this, dudes.
Was he supposed to have warm, happy feelings about the people booing him whenever he stuck his head out of the bullpen? I don’t care if he only played for his teammates, or not. Does it matter? Whoever he was playing for doesn’t make him pitch better or worse.
I’m not defending his pitching at all. I’m not even talking about his pitching. I just think it’s fucking retarded to trivialize racism, like that comment was doing. It does exist, and it affects lot of people that have to deal with it every day. It’s not something Dusty just made up, for fuck’s sake. And neither Dusty nor Hawkins claimed that Chicago is a racist town, or used that as an excuse for why he couldn’t close — which some of the people here don’t seem to understand.
The This Old Cub, closer division? Christ, you forgot Lee Smith, Bruce Sutter, Dennis Eckerseley, and Willie Hernandez…ALL of which either won the Cy Young, Rolaids award, or league MVP AFTER leaving Wrigley.
And you also forgot Goose Gossage, who was washed up by the time he got HERE, but Christ, he was the Man in his day.
Unfortunately, there’s a lot more where that came from, Sloth.
Not everyone can be a past-president.
What, no room for me in the club?
Dear Neifi,
You stink. Did you poop your pants?
Love,
Apex
LaTroy: Damnit! I hate it when they call me Neifi!
Where do I mail my dues to?
Son, watch you mouth or I’ll send you to be sacrificed again.
Hopefully, I’m next out fo this crap hole. This locker room and these shitty fans are enough to make me put my hand between two chairs and have the cigar store indian named “dusty” break my fingers so I don;t ahve to pitch in this run down ball park anymore.
Don’t forget to tell them how lame Van Halen is, Remmy!
I love the hidden jokes every day. Desipio has Easter eggs. Who knew? Must just be to piss off Chuck.
Speaking of lame Todd, let us look back on that partially shaved head you had a few weeks ago..
Yeah… Van Halen sucks!!! We need better music.
Let’s hope that they will parole us veterans so we can get back to living a “normal” life out of this shithole
Some might ask hot it is that I can’t seem to remember that Borowski was the best reliever on the 2002 Cubs. Simple answer: that way, I can second guess Hendry’s reliance on him in 2004 as a mistake based on a “one year wonder.” No need for facts. Just second guessing whenever convenient.
This Hawkins fiasco is just the culmination of all the worthless relievers over the past so many years for the Cubs. The people of Chicago were tired of these overpaid nonperforming dopes from the bullpen. Latroy wasn’t the first to be booed and run out of town like that and he won’t be the last.
These following guys were in his place years before:
-Mel Rojas
-Jeff Fassero
-Tom Gordon
-Kyle Farnsworthless
-Antonio “Six Finger” Alfonsucka
-Mike Remlinger(if he ever pitches again, what a candyass, he’s the next that needs to go)
There were countless other wastoids along the way too. These are just the son of a bitches that are currently stuck in the mind the past couple years.
But really, race shouldn’t be involved in this thing. Latroy probably is a really great guy to hang with, but he is just useless as a baseball player. Fact is fact.
I feel for the Giants that they have him now, but there are other stupid teams out there like Detroit that has the Farns as well. Another man’s trash is another man’s treasure.
Baker Basher
Why would mouseovers piss me off?
When you mouse over me it says, “I’m not the switch-hitting Derek Jeter but I did stay in a Holiday Inn Express last night.”
Sometimes it says, “I can’t spell worth shit.”
ALYSSA IS DATING BRAD PENNY, THE TWO HAVE BEEN SPOTTED LEAVING THE DODGERS PLAYER PARKING LOT TOGETHER. wOW….THAT GIRL REALLY LOVES THEM PITCHERS…..PAVANO, ZITO, PENNY.