Pitching Matchup
Tor: Roy Halladay, 9-2, 2.45 ERA
Cubs: Sergio Meat Tray, 0-1, 6.88 ERA (gulp)
Lineups
Toronto
Reed F’ing Johnson, RF
Frank Catalanotto, LF
Vern Wells, CF
Eric Hinske, 1B
Aaron Hill, 3B
Orlando Hudson, 2B
Somebody Adams, SS
I Heart Huckaby, C
Roy Halladay, P
Cubs
Neifi!, SS
Corey Patterson, CF
Derrek Lee, 1B
E-Ramis, 3B
Todd Walker, 2B
Jason Dubois, LF
Todd Hollandsworth, RF
Michael Barrett, C
The Meat Tray, P
Better late than never.
Did everyone see me talking with Len and Bob last night? WHEEEEEEEEEEEEE.
Looks like Dusty pulled the lineup out of a hat, again.
We need to get him a bigger hat.
Hey, I struck out swinging! That’s progres.
whew … finally a mental day off. I was getting stressed over tomorrow’s offday.
I’m going to help that Halladay win another Cy Young today.
1 down, 7 to go.
Did Dusty check with Corey before batting him 2nd?
Korey’s gonna wear this today.
Isn’t that what Toht tried to pick up in Raiders of the Lost Ark and it burned his hand?
Is that the same thing Janet Jackson had on at the Super Bowl?
Maybe I’ll pitch the game of my life today?
I hope that’s a Golden Sombrero…
We have no chance today. We are so overmatched it’s sick.
Mitre with just 22 pitches through 2 innings. That’s generally sufficient for 1/3 for Kerry.
This is gonna be ugly. We can’t wait until this weekend when we get to play the… shit.
Only a true Dweeb knows the name “Toht” as they nevre say the character’s name.
A Dweeb Master would know that Toht also helps Mitchell Gantt steal the MiG-31 by starting a fire.
And paid for it with his life.
For some reason, the Cubs play like me at home.
Deeyam….I missed Sarah & Heather last night. How big IS Heather?
The Sloth!
Three perfect innings, bitches!
Wow, Raiders and Firefox, all in the same thread. Who woulda thunk it?
She ain’t so big, just not that hott:
32 pitches in 3 innings…a new Cubs record!
That’s not the sloth. Either that or he’s more uncouth than normal. Check his website link by clicking on his post..
Help, Andy. Fix MEEE!
Looks great on my 38″ monitor.
“uncouthslot”
Gotta be a Lindsay Lohan joke.
We’ve helped Meat Tray drop his ERA a whole point already.
I’m UNSTOPPABLE
Meat Tray – and I’ve raised Hally’s.
I rule!
Yeah bitches, I just drove in my first run
Hollandsworth’s first extra base hit in what, a month? He’s never leaving the starting lineup again, is he?
That’s the only one you’re gonna get, Meat. You better make it count.
Dude, I told you.
“Corey Patterson singles on a ground ball to second baseman Orlando Hudson. Sergio Mitre scores. ”
Could someone with a TV please explain?
Finally, an FYC moment.
Hallady made me look good there, nice 0-2 pitch, Roy.
We are always bad…especially Iassogna, what is he like 17? And can Tim Tschida get hs fat Wisconsin livin’ ass a pair of pants that actually fit ? Also, is Dale Scott retarded, or even botarded maybe ?
Good God, Tommy Lasorda has just spent the last inning rambling about prostate cancer on WGN Radio. I can only imagine that it was more painful than actually getting an exam.
It was a ground ball up the middle that I chased into center field.
Corey hit an 0-2 pitch? That’s on Halladay then, because there’s just no way a pitcher should throw Corey and 0-2 pitch that’s anywhere near the plate.
Mulletsworth doubled, Mitre doubled, Patterson singled, then stole 2nd, Lee struck out looking, and I didn’t hear any of it cause Lasorda wouldn’t shut up about his prostate.
My ball is moving around like crazy today.
Yah. That’s an FYC from Halliday.
I don’t want to jinx it, but winning today would be so Cub-like. Phoning it in against a loser like Towers only to beat a legit pitcher. It’s like beating the crap out of Roger Clettite then getting 1 hit by Brandon Backe.
Chuck, at this point, I’ll take what I can get.
“My ball is moving around like crazy today.”
Sergio or DJ?
Muahahahaha – I have kidnapped the real meat-tray and am dealing in his absence.
12 straight. The day is mine!
Seriously…my stuff is downright nasty today. I, in all seriousness, look unhittable right now.
“Chuck, at this point, I’ll take what I can get.”
Think this is bad? Wait until you’re married 8 years with 3 rugrats.
What has gotten into me?
Actually, I am pitching in my Sergio mask today.
Chuck, I’m married 11 years, with 3 rugrats, and I’m only 33. I feel your pain.
I’ve been married almost 5 years with 1 rugrat, so I think I can guess.
The Astros drafted me. Go Yankees! Seriously though, haven’t they paid enough to my family? I’ll show them what “hometown discount” means to the Clemenses.
I hate Tommy Lasorda!
Easy boys, I only got married three weeks ago, and am still basking in the glory of the occasion. Way to take the shine off…
Hey, I’ve been married 15 years.
Does it hafta be consecutive?
Is there an uncouthslot blogsite? Oughta be…
Dude, I just had a feelin’ today about Hollandsworth.
I’m a dweeb only because I was actually an action figure released in 1981. The only reason my name was ever learned by my owner was because he got 1/2 dozen Raiders figures for Christmas that year (Indy’s arm had “Whip Action!” that was spring-loaded and would flick forward violently). The figure of me came with a black trench coat and hat and my hand was burned with the medallion.
Apparently it’s Mee-Dray in Ronnie’s world. Someone send Andy’s phonetic pronunciation via the Office Depot fax line.
Congrats Tonker… don’t get the wrong idea… marriage has its good side too…
(bracing for impact)
Looks like it will be up to me again.
when’s the last time a (cub) pitcher hit a grand slam?
I’m trailing Corey Patterson in All-Star voting by 20,000 votes, and I haven’t played all year!
Ronnie also likes to call me Holiday.
Stat boy, was it Rick Sutcliffe during the 1984 NLCS?
My baseball pet peeve? Guys who have a 1:2 HR to RBI ratio…just indicative of the whole “two-outcome” guy, who never gets just a plain old hit to drive in a situational run. Rick Monday was that guy with the Cubs, and Korey is now. Yeeech…
Henry Blanco would have beat that throw to 2nd.
Damn!
i have no idea. i was asking out of ignorance. now i’m gonna go find some more paper to ball up and throw at my fake TV camera here at home.
on MLB Gameday, turn on “Away Hits” & “Away Outs”
boo-tea-ful
We have to be Sloth’s least favorite Cubs team ever, then. Check out our HR:RBI ratio!
We’re about to fall off…
Not so fast my friend!
Cancel the post game show…
Didn’t Tapani hit a granny a few years ago?
…. relaaaaax.
Yes, I did :
[URL]http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/baseball/mlb/news/1998/07/20/cubs_braves/[/URL]
Crap. Thought I had those sized. Sorry everyone.
According to me, Kerry is taking this simulated game thing a little too seriously.
Did I call him for 2 K’s or what?
That’s because Kerry is on his way to a simulated hall of fame career.
Is it just me, or should it not be “fence” and be “wall”, Pat?
2 K’s ? I still got a chance for more.
And i’m a simulated pitching coach
Who woulda thunk that Chuck would underestimate Corey’s ineptitude?
Fuck that, I’m hitting my way to the real HOF.
Chuck, you have misunderestimated me.
It’s actually a brick fence.
I own the Cubs.
I have been pitching well, therefore I must get injured.
What happened to me?
Dunno if I misuderestimated you, Korey. I did suggest you wear the chapeau de oro.
I sprained my facial hair.
I call him Mee-Tree, and I make jokes about how ancient Steve Stone is.
He didn’t print. Here’s #2. Can’t give the middle kid Jan Brady syndrome.
What’s wrong with the Serge? Heat prostration? Blister? Herpes relapse?
Gameday had up a 3-0 count on Dubois, then changed the third pitch to a called strike, but the pitch indicator is well out of the strike zone. Is that an indictment of Dale Scott?
Poor kid.
Rain on the way, boys
My real name is Klein, I’m Jewish. Who knew?
Eet’s so hot out here, mang. The heat  she makes me tired. And pitch like Cy Young. Trade me to Arizona, por favor.
It’s hot? Time to get Dusty a better pitching staff. Ray Burris, LaTroy, Lee Smith, and Ray King aughta do.
It’s not the heat, Sergio, it’s the humidity. And there’s none of that in the desert. The place you want to go is Tampa.
Sorry, guys. I still can’t tell what type of pitch it is.
Sergio is done as dinner. But that was a pretty impressive seven innings. Two hits, neither of them hit very well and he drove in a run and scored the other one.
Is Mitre batting for himself here?
Actually I speak with an American accent although my Dad sounds like that. Nice of Dusty to leave me in till my ERA went below 5. Crappy bunt, Jose.
I’ve been replenishing my fluids between innings with a couple tasty, gritty glasses of Tang. If I went to Tampa Bay, the Tang would turn into a Tang lump in the humidity. I’d have to call President Clinton and ask how come I can’t get no Tang ’round here?
I’m off doing some creepy shit while Andy Masur takes over.
“Doing” or “taking”?
Andy Masur *is* a creepy shit.
105 pitches. 2 hits. 1 BB. 6 K.
Nice.
Now, won’t you have some sun-spoiled mortadella from my tray of formerly fine meats?
Good work, Surj. Now, package him and Korey and get an outfielder that can leadoff!
In my synopsis of the Cubs 2005 closer saga for my ESPN listeners, I completely skipped the Chad Fox and Latroy Hawkins chapters and went straight from JoBo to the goofy canuck. Not enough time in a half inning to do the full story justice.
just f*cking with you guys. I had him all along.
What kind of a pansy gets tired on a hot day?
Only 5 Ks for Hally. I was off by 3. But dead on for Korey.
I’m in the bullpen getting my blowtorch ready. Hey, it’s gotta happen sometime.
I don’t know who this Chuck fellow is, but I don’t like him calling me Hally.
I am a mouth breather by the name of Chulk.
Len wonders what the players will be doing on the off day?
Hah! Put that one in play.
…you win one of these
[img]http://jgshow.com/pictures/BPBF/Tpbozo.jpg[/img]
June record: 5-3
Here I come.
That Aaron Hill threw some leather there.
I’m in right! Don’t hit it here Blue Jays! I’m on the case.
The Cubs…they are my enemique. I am a gladiator buddies, the chickens can stop running around the house now.
I love Ryan Dempster and Will Ohman a little too much, don’t I?
Crap. I thought I had the day off.
Sergio gave up two hits in seven innings? They don’t have the videotape! I’m tired of talking about that shit.
Sorry to disappoint. But I’m about to tie this bitch.
I haunt this place.
Ryan Dempster needs a map to me.
Here I come
Let’s make it interesting …
I’m Canadian! I’m just nervous about pitching on TV in front of the folks back in Moose Jaw!
Sorry to disappoint. But I’m about to wave helplessly at a slider.
You should still trade Corey for me.
Poop, fart, slosh, fart.
Hey Vernon –
sit your ass down.
I was good for half a season once.
I just said “The likeable righthander fires the 2-0.”
We’re on our feet
Hey Hinske –
sit your ass down.
You’re next, Hill
Greg, please pick us on Friday.
Dempster was pitching around me. Pussy.
If you listen to the prick at Ivy Chat.
I am doing pretty good at this closer thing, no?
You can open your eyes now, you gutless pansies.
I’m flying out for a booty call tonight, Serg! You deserve it, baby!
hey, Meaty, when you get done violating the little Rally Carp, send what’s left over my way, huh?
enough of this Meat tray prank, after my performance today is time you all call my name the way it is supposed to sound:
Me-tre (tre as in trevor, first name of the reliever, Trevor hoffman).
I love Katie Holmes! What a woman she is! She didn’t even complain when I gave her herpes! Plus, she helps me walk the gay prostitutes I get hammered by to the cab! What a sweetie!
Don’t worry, we’re wearing pinstripes on Friday. I only picked the pajama tops last time to keep the momentum going…. the momentum’s over now.
Remember that time, you guys traded Lee Smith to the Bosox for me? That was awesome.
i got censored yesterday for saying the bosox are more hateable than the yanks