This pitching shit is easy!True that a week ago I was pretty sure that Sergio Mitre would never top his seven inning, no run, one run scored, one RBI performance against Roy Halladay and the Jays. He didn’t quite top it last night (only because the Cubs offense didn’t make him do all the work on that end of the game, too), but let’s just say he made a nice little bookend. In the past week, the Cubs have had two two-game losing streaks. Both times the next game was turned over to Sergio against a stud opponent. Both times, Sergio was the stud. We could get used to this kind of thing, you know.

What the Cubs did to the Marlins last night is to beat them about as badly as one Major League team can beat another. 18 hits. 14 runs. A shutout, in which the opponent only even kind of threatens to score once (and it took a broken bat grounder off Sergio’s leg to make it happen). The Cubs squared up on the Fish and kicked them right in the ass. It was a sight to see.

Who knew how easy this game could be? Sergio has certainly made it look that way in his 16 inning scoreless streak. He’s pretty much thrown three pitches, a sinking fastball, a changeup and a curveball, and the distribution seems to be 85 percent fastball, 10 percent changeup, five percent curveball. He never tried this in any of his previous big league incarnations.

He starts the fastball at your mid-thigh and by the time it gets to you it’s in your sock, and he throws enough of them for strikes that you don’t dare lay off. It seems fitting that just two nights after Joe Morgan’s apoplectic comments about the high Wrigley Field grass that Sergio used it to perfection. Go ahead, try and hit one through that grass. I dare you.

It was also ironic that Sergio turned in a second tremendous performance while trade rumors of him and Corey Patterson and a pitcher (Wuertz, Wellemeyer, Steve Rain, Ken Kravec, Bill Caudill?) to the Yankees for Gary Sheffield were swirling.

For anyone willing to dismiss those rumors out of hand (just because Jim Hendry said they were make believe), it seems obvious that the Yankees want to shake things up, and if they do, who do they have to trade that people would actually want?

They’re not trading Derek Jeter, A-Rod, the Big Eunuch or Mariano Rivera. So that leaves what? Tony Womack? Bernie Williams? Whatever’s left of Jorge Posada? No, it leaves Hideki Matt Suhey and Gary Sheffield.

I’m not saying that Sheffield’s going to get traded to the Cubs, but he is likely to get traded and the Cubs are going to trade for an outfielder in the next few weeks. So it’s not exactly crazy talk.

Would you trade Sergio, given his two impressive performances and with the knowledge that even when Kerry Wood and Mark Prior come back in the next month or so, that you’re unlikely to make it through the rest of the season without needing somebody else to take a start or two or sixteen?

Yes, you would. If anything, Sergio’s performances have made him more likely to get traded. He’s got actual, tangible value now. It’s a good spot to be in. If you find the right deal, you trade him. If you don’t, you send him out there every fifth day and see if he can keep slapping zeroes on the board.

All along, it’s been assumed that whoever the Cubs trade for to fill the huge void in the outfield will have some big flaw. People scan the rosters of other teams and look for somebody on the “irregular” rack. Screw that. Trade some real talent. Get a great player. That’s what Sheffield is.

We remember him for how anemic Kerry, Mark and Carlos made him look in the 2003 NLDS with the Braves, but he’ll be playing behind those three if he comes to the Cubs, and Prior nailed him in the hand with a pitch in game three, which didn’t hurt the Cubs cause of getting him out. In the ALCS against Boston last year, it was Sheffield and Jeter who actually hit while the rest of the guys went home after game five (well, except for A-Rod, he was busy trying to knock the ball away from firstbasemen).

But it doesn’t have to be Sheffield. The best thing about this rumor (and until something happens, that all it is) is that it’s the right kind of target.

What is likely to happen, now that the Giants are circling the drain, is a call to Brian Sabean for Moises Alou part deux. He’s “only” owed $6 million next year and the Cubs would only be on the hook for half of this year’s $8 million. So you could get Alou for less than half what it’ll cost you to get Sheffield for. Moises isn’t a bad option, but he should be your fallback plan. You only go after Mo if the bigger (better) deals fall through. He’s 38 and much more injury prone than the 36 year old Sheffield, and while he’s good, he’s simply not as good a hitter as Sheffield is.

I think the general consensus of the readership here is that Corey Patterson is one of those talented players who is unlikely to ever play to his ability for more than a few weeks at a time. It doesn’t make us right (but we are), but it’s funny to read other’s comments about how you can’t trade a 26 year old “future All-Star” for a 36 year old “former All-Star.”

A Patterson-Sheffield trade would immediately draw comparisons to the Sammy Sosa-George Bell trade in 1992. Only Patterson’s older than Sammy was and George Bell was never the hitter that Sheffield is. George had three great seasons in his career, all for the Blue Jays and all were history by the time he made it to Chicago. Bell was a “slugger” not a hitter. He hit .300 or better twice and never posted an on base average of better than .352 and in ten of his 12 seasons his on base average was worse than .330.

Sheffield hasn’t posted an on base average of less than .393 since 1995 and that was last year, his first season since ’95 that it wasn’t over .400.

Plus there’s the fact that for every potential Sammy Sosa who breaks out and has a career even romotely resembling Sammy’s run with the Cubs, there are about 1209 who don’t.

There’s one drawback to trading for Sheffield. He’s going to be a big player in the Balco case, and some of that is going to get ugly. Oh, and he’s going to get booed in Milwaukee where they still haven’t forgiven him for throwing balls into the stands on purpose when they moved him from shortstop to third base.

Remember, there were people who cringed when Brendan Harris’ name started to get mentioned in the Nomar rumors last year.

People make it sound like Jim Hendry is gun shy because he traded Dontrelle Willis and he turned out to be a star. Look, if you’ve got a farm system alleged to be as good as the Cubs, you should be trading away players occasionally who get good and make you look bad. It means the talent in your system is as good as you claim it is. If every Cubs prospect turned out to be Bobby Hill, the Cubs would have a hard time being able to use prospects to get good players. Would it be great to have Dontrelle? Sure. It’s not like Hendry said, “Ooh, take Dontrelle, he’s going to be great!” The Cubs knew he had potential, but nobody, not even the Marlins knew how he would develop. But because he turned out it makes GMs more likely to believe the hype about Cubs’ prospects and it allows you to deal for guys like E-ramis and Derrek Lee.

Hendry knows this. He’s a lot of things, but scared to trade doesn’t seem to be one of them. And, you have to give his scouts some credit. They’re wrong from time to time, sure. Andy Pratt sure turned out aces, didn’t he? But they saw something in E-ramis and in Michael Barrett that dopes like us didn’t see. They knew to go after Matt Murton in the Red Sox trade.

What’s the real reason the Cubs’ outfield is bad? It’s Sammy Sosa’s fault. But really, it is. He and his enormous contract held the Cubs hostage during the offseason. So they patched their outfield together after he finally took a big payoff and headed to Baltimore. It’s why you have Jeromy Burnitz in right and Todd Hollandsworth and Jason Dubois sharing left. So now the Cubs are trying to fix it on the fly. You’ll hear them proclaim that they’re comfortable with their outfield as it is. They have to say that. What good comes from Jim Hendry standing up and yelling, “We need at least two new outfielders! Ours suck! Oh, we’re doomed! Please other teams, fleece us until we’re blind?”

This is just a long winded way of saying that the Cubs should focus on offering up good players to get a great one, a difference maker, and that if you get frustrated by Dusty or Jim saying how happy they are with the font of mediocrity running around in the outfield grass at Wrigley, take that with a grain of salt. They already had to trade one guy they publicly ran down and all they got to show from that was a pinch runner, a retired pitcher and little Jerry Hairston (whatever he is).