As far as four inches of snow on opening day goes, it has to be right up there with walking under a ladder, breaking a mirror or going on a “date” with Shawn Kemp. It can’t lead to good things, can it?

Alas, that’s what the Cubs face today. A snowed out opening day.

On Friday morning the Sox were 0-3 and the Cubs were 2-1. The Cubs couldn’t even hang on to bragging rights for a weekend? Sigh.

Nice to see that Dusty Baker has improved the Cubs biggest weakness last year. Those one run games. So far, the 3-3 Cubs are 3-1 in games decided by two or more runs and … oh, never mind.

Was it just me, or did Moises Alou spend more time on the left field wall this weekend than Colonel Jessup?

It’s as though, every day, Chip Caray needs to remind us that he’s just not up to the job he’s been given. His call of Sammy Sosa’s 500th homer was just pitiful. “Sammy punches that ticket to Cooperstown?” First, there are no automatic numbers to get into Cooperstown. You might think that 300 wins or 500 homers is a guarantee, but really, it’s not.

Secondly, Sammy’s Cooperstown ticket was punched long ago.

Thirdly, Chip, and I mean this. Please be quiet. For once, just try and let a silence actually remain silent. Try and think what Vin Scully would say and then don’t say it.

Not having Joe Carter around this year was supposed to be the saving grace for Chip this year, right? So far, it’s not working. He still talks before he thinks and it’s always fun to literally hear him trying to figure out what he’s saying in mid-sentence.

Also, the guy so square he wouldn’t say “Best Damn Sports Show, Period” last year is now dropping euphemisms like he’s at a Friar’s Roast. Only, here’s the problem. They’re always lame.

Like yesterday, for example. WGN showed a shot of a guy and his girlfriend/wife huddled under a blanket. She kept pulling the blanket up, looking under it and laughing. You didn’t have to be Joel Esterhaus to figure out the joke everyone at home was making. But Chip can’t leave it alone. He babbled on for a second and laughed.

You know the Miller Lite commercial with the guys making the ugly mother jokes and then the little guy throws in his joke and it’s just too late? That’s Chip. Every time.

Anyway, here’s the e-mail for Chip and Steve during their WGN games. Rest assured anything we send him won’t actually get to him, but a guy can dream.

The NCAA title game is set and it’s official. There’s nobody to root for. Syracuse and Kansas? Jim Boeheim and Roy Williams? Thank god the “Married By America” finale is on tonight.

Look, I’m sure LeBron James is a nice kid and I’m sure he’s talented, but do we really think he’s better than Carmelo Anthony? Some GM’s going to have to make a pretty tough choice this June.

Say you get the top pick. You can draft a 6’6 shooting guard with undeniable skills, but who also comes with the mother from hell, an entourage that P. Diddy would find excessive and with $50 million from either Nike or Adidas already in his pocket. Or…you take a 6’8 small forward who has undeniable skills and far less baggage. I’m not saying. I’m just saying.

Has there ever been a point guard matchup of two guys with haircuts as bad as Kirk Heinrich and Gerry McNamara? I’m sure that Bobby Hurley and anybody might qualify, but this is pretty bad.

Plus, haven’t Gerry or Kirk ever heard of a tan bed? They should have to fill out any form that has skin color on it with “translucent.”

There isn’t a sporting event that Jim Nantz can’t ruin, is there?

I’m sure that in a few days we’ll all look back at this Marquette team and think, “What a nice coaching job Tom Crean did to get them to the Final Four.” But really, shouldn’t they have been able to stay within…oh, maybe, 30 of Kansas!?!

If the coaching carousel ends up with Roy Williams in Chapel Hill, Bill Self in Lawrence and Crean in Champaign, well…let’s hope he rents a video on transition defense between now and October 15.

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The Cubs had their second straight series win in their hands and…oops.

Some dumbass Cardinals fan caught Sammy’s 500th home run ball. He thinks he’s going to sell it for $20,000. But then, he goes to Mizzou, so he can’t be too bright. (I kid because I care you Mizzou alums you.)

I think it’s time the Detroit Tigers joined the NL Central. Come to think of it, the AL can have St. Louis.

At the beginning of the Bulls-Bucks game I kept watching how well Gary Payton and Sam Cassell play together and I yelled at the TV for Bill Cartwright to get some stones and play Jay Williams and Jamal Crawford together. And Bill…you’re welcome. Now figure out a way to do it every night. Oh, and the next time a deciding possession goes down with Jalen Rose dribbling for 14 seconds and then firing up another brick, I’m going to put my head in the oven. Pass the ball, Jalen. No wonder the Pacers dumped his ass.

Groucho’s not so sure we’ll see the end of MJ this year. Gee, ya think?

Mariotti puts down the doughnut to suckle Carmelo Anthony.

Rap takes a closer look at Barry v. Sammy, and wonders in addition to that if Sammy won’t be the greatest Cub of all time in five years. Got news for you, there, Rap. He already is.

The Cubs game has been cancelled because of the white stuff. Kind of like the careers of Dwight Gooden and Darryl Strawberry.

Dusty avoids the “.500 is a pretty good trip” trap.

Moises Alou wants the Cubs to embrace the cold spring home games and all of those glorious day games. After Friday’s game, I want to embrace Sonia Sosa. Wow. Just keep the Advil away from her.

Here’s something to ponder. Why is it that announcers so easily dismiss some guy’s slow starts as, “he just doesn’t like hitting in cold weather”? When in the World Series played? July? No, in October. When it’s cold. Guys who can’t hit (or pitch) in cold weather are doomed when the biggest games roll around.

Tom Crean’s mom’s arms went numb during the Kansas game. So did Travis Diener’s, apparently.

Vince Carter’s hurt and will miss the rest of the season. See, if he’d done this earlier the Raptors could have made the playoffs.

Tom Friend tries to find somebody to blame for the Wiz’s continued failures. Wes Unseld’s a good place to start and Doug Collins, too, but really how much is MJ’s “leadership” both on the court and in the front office helping? Not much. In fact, it’s probably hurting.

Marty Burns’ mullet is all over the decline in Portland…again.

Stuey just figured out that Gerry McNamara, Billy Edelin and that Carmelo guy are freshmen.

Russell Crowe’s wife is hot. Who knew?

CBS staffers allegedly were betting on scary Matt and hottie Jenna to win the current Survivor. Could this be another brilliant move of deception from Mark Burnett? Could be. Though, I think Jenna’s going to win.

I think that when we take Baghdad we should let the Corleone’s run it. They’d have done wonders with Cuba if Castro hadn’t screwed it up.

Is anybody surprised that Hillary has taken her book advance and run?

You mean Heisman Trophy winner Eric Crouch and Hall of Fame football coach Tom Osborne were powerless to stop an April snow storm?

Senior Bushy never liked Don Rumsfeld. Did anybody?

Geraldo: “Oops!”

Intrepid reader Melissa Meloro pointed out this link to the Poetry of DH Rumsfeld.

A Wilkes-Barre man was disappointed by the reception he got when he returned to his former place of business, according to America’s finest news source.