For the fifth consecutive year you can watch the NBA Draft on TV and follow along with us. In those five years we’ve seen some great things. We saw Dei Lynam confuse Yao Ming’s translator (he knew how to translate English to Mandarin, not Jibberish to Mandarin), we watched as Ron Burke inexplicably stormed the TNT set and took over and we heard Rick Pitino describe a player as being “multi-versatile.” How could we pass up on another chance?
This year, this is apparently the big prize.
No, he’s not one of the reunited Backstreet Boys, rather it’s Utah center Andrew Bogut. He’s more than 84 inches tall, and when the Bucks put him through a workout it consisted of them handing him a couple of sticks of Juicy Fruit and having him walk while he chewed.
The Bucks have had the top pick three other times. They took Lew Alcindor (good), Kent Benson (uh, not so good) and Big Dog Robinson (over Jason Kidd and Grant Hill). Well, one out of three ain’t bad.
The Utah Jazz are so enamored with Illini point guard Deron Williams that they traded two first round picks and a future first rounder to change spots with Portland at three, and they will presumably draft the formerly pudgy guard.
Jerry Sloan is said to compare Williams to former Illini guard Derek Harper. When asked how Williams compares to a more recent Illini point, Frank Williams, Sloan said, “Who?”
Exactly.
Draft me or regret it for next 15 years, bitches.
I’ve got a couple cans of Red Bull, my PSP and I’ve had my secretary (mom) hold all my calls while I await the great news that I am a first round NBA Draft pick.
For those of you who think I’m not in the draft, I’d like to point to this:
http://www.mercurynews.com/mld/mercurynews/sports/11999850.htm
For those of you who know I’m in the draft and think Coach K kicked me off campus so he could give my scholarship to somebody who doesn’t suck…you’re probably right.
Can I start eating again, now? Or do I have to sign my contract first? I mean, once the Jazz pick me I can gain the 30 pounds back and still get paid, right?
Our big meetings in Tampa weren’t that productive. Big Stein kept demanding we trade for the “Booger” kid. It took us an hour to figure out he meant Bogut and another hour to convince him the Yankees aren’t in the NBA.
Tune in to the Mothership at 6:30, ‘cuz I’ll be rappin’ with the new members of the Association and they baby’s mommas. Because if the baby’s momma ain’t happy, ain’t nobody in the house happy!
Wow, I’m such an assclown.
I’m live from the Felt Forum looking for my missing K!
I have news of a big trade! I have it on authority that the Jazz have traded Pete Maravich’s ashes and the Jazz nickname to New Orleans for a Tabernacle to be named later!
I’ll have more later. Now I have to get to my exclusive sit down interview with Sasha Imaginaryvich who is a sleeper lottery pick!
Stephen A. Smith just said he’s not sure if the Jazz are going to take Deron Williams at number three because, “I’m not sure if I like him over Chris Paul.”
I had no idea that Stephen was making Utah’s picks tonight?
Should my feelings be hurt that people refer to my looks as those of a poor-man’s Doug Gottleib?
Hey Deron! Break a leg, buddy.
Don’t you wish I was in Boston watching the draft with dad? I know you love all of my dad’s funny stuff, like “Who is this guy?” or “How many picks did I just sleep through?” Yeah, it’s great. Maybe while the draft is on I can come up with an idea for another unfunny cartoon. Those are tremendous.
I love draft night. It’s exciting. My heart starts pounding just thinking about…
Shit. I’m dead.
Howdy, everyone.
I don’t know who half these guys are, but that won’t stop me from passing myself off as an “expert!”
If anyone has any questions about Kendall Gill’s boxing career, the band Little Feat, or Wilford Brimley’s sweat taint — I’m your man!
Kelly,
Did I ever tell you about the time I was on the set of our late ’80s TV show and I found Wilfred getting “friendly” with a can of Quaker Oats?
I saw it, too. That “Our House” set was a mess with Wilford and Chad Allen humping oats like they were going out of style.
Whatever happened to me?
Hey Dwyer,
How come Dennis Hopson made your All-Bust team and I didn’t? Was it because he pulled off the Kid ‘n Play hair better than me?
Are you guys going to be around later? I’m going to try out my sweet new ride!
Sellers also tried the Kareem goggles at one point, and was the Timberwolves’ first attempt at competing with a 7-foot small forward.
An earlier draft of that Bust caption had Hopson “going to the Bulls, presumably shipped with a case of Alpo.”
Brad Sellers’ mother had enormous hands.
I’m just saying.
Antonio Davis was just elected President of the NBA Players Association. It’s nice that they elected someone that, you know, plays.
Michael Curry, the last President played 249 minutes for the Pacers this year, and scored a total of 30 points. Michael Jordan used to do that in a quarter. Even Darius Miles could do that in an empty gym, given an entire afternoon.
Hey, I was a natural for NBAPA Prez, or haven’t you ever gone “Hanging with Mr. Cooper?”
I have a meeting with our Indonesian supplier today, so I’ll be locked up in the boardroom while all the fun of the NBA Draft is going down…
My apologies in advance.
Oh, and Brad Sellers’ middle name is Don.
I once scored 30 points in a quarter. No, wait, it wasn’t a quarter, it was a quarter of the season. Never mind. Damnit! Is Bobby Jones ready to check in, again?
Matt is spending the day locked in a room with an Indonesian supplier? Who does he think he is, Elgin Baylor?
And with the 12th pick in the draft the LA Clippers select, Moo Goo Gai Pan of…hey, Elgin! This isn’t your draft card, it’s a Chinese take out menu!
With two you get egg roll!
Mattus, be sure to ask those Indonesians if THEY’VE ever had a countrymen taken first overall in the NBA Draft. Then, when they ask you what an “NBA Draft” is, jump on a table and scream in their face.
Andy, don’t you know that Stephen makes… EVERY TEAM’S PICKS!!!
IT’S UNBELIEVABLE HOW MUCH POWER THAT GUY HAS!!!
IF ONLY I COULD STOP YELLING WHENEVER I TALK ABOUT HOW MUCH OF AN IDIOT STEPHEN A. SMITH IS!!!
Typing with all caps on is TEWWIBLE! TEWWIBLE!
I forgot to add that Andy failed to wish Jim Edmonds a happy birthday yesterday.
How many of us will go in the first round?
Here’s Andrew Bynum’s myspace page:
(seriously)
http://www.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewProfile&friendID=8750639&Mytoken=20050521112043
Hi Dickie V!
How’d Jameer Nelson do last year?
I played 249 minutes in a quarter? Wow, I was talented.
If the Draft is half as annoying as this preview, I’m not going to make it out of the lottery.
Why does ESPN do everything (except make money) so spectacularly bad?
I reckon it’s time to dilute my bloodstream with Dr. Bushmills and a little water.
*FLUSH!*
OHHH BABY111!!! WITH A CAPITAL ABY!!!11
I LOVE LARGE BLACK BOYS!!!! BABY!!!!!
STICK IT WHERE THE SUN DONT SHINE DUNKAROOO!@!!!!
SERIOUSLY, I WANT A LARGE BLACK BOY TO MOLEST ME.
I am Marvin Williams’ favorite TV show!
How do my boobs look?
Sorry, I was, uh, subscribing to some magazines.
Dr. Poop will be in any moment now.
Bogut’s face bugs me, for some reason. He’ll be good, 17 and 8 in five years.
That Yugo/Aussie combo accent is something else.
I really wish Deron would shave thing on your chin. Everyone knows that under-the-lip is where it’s at.
I also really hope he’s a lot better than John Bagley, because we need more NBA wives with fake tans and 70s Tom Snyder hair-dyes with 92-different colors.
Who wants to guess what team will take Chris Paul in the Contraction Draft three years from now?
Boring draft, so far. Thank God we have the funky Mike Tirico to keep things bangin’.
Was it Raymond Felton or Rashad McCants that Scoop Jackson thought should be the next President of the United States of America?
Someone from American International University emailed me today, because I wrote that Mario Elie went to American University.
Yeah, Dickie, the Blazers would rather have Antoine Wright’s career 7 points per game than the best shooter in the Draft.
I’m surprised he didn’t trash them for not taking JJ Redick.
Villanueva at 7 to the Raptors? When did Chris Bosh get in a motorcycle accident? Raffy Araujo last year, and now this? Rob Babcock must not like Toronto.
Chaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarlieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee phooooooooooooooooooone hooooooooooome.
This is one pick that even Isiah can’t screw up. Frye, Green or Granger would be solid picks.
Holy crap Villanueva was a bad pick. ESPN actually got it right.
Hi there! I am sorry I am coming a bit late this year, but I think no euros have been picked yet!
Let’s see how it goes!
Hey look! I have acme!
Bynum’s not as bad as you’d think. He’s not Eddy Curry, but he’s not Kendrick Perkins either.
He’ll start to contribute about the time the Jackson/Bryant murder trial starts up.
Wasn’t that guy Bynum compared to Brendan Haywood? Why not go for Fran Vázquez (by the way, I have rarely seen his name correctly spelled in American websites)?
Anybody have Andrews Phone Number?
Yeah, he’s Haywood, essentially, with longer arms and better mobility.
It’s 1-0 us right now, end of the 2nd.
Vazquez (still can’t work the accent aigu, though several have tried to help me) is a solid pick, I’d like to try and see ORL run him and Howard together. Centers are hard to come by, so there’s no reason they can’t play on the court at the same time.
I love Orlando! Fran will be a real hit, I am sure ’bout it, this kid can play… don’t be mislead by his facial expression… Wops, just one small detail… Will he play center alongside D. Howard? Yeah, it can work!
By the way, where are Granger and that kid Green????
Will the clips stick to Korolev?
The Clips made a promise to Korolev weeks ago.
Cards up 2-1, bottom 2nd. Until any blueberry-heads show up, we’ll have Redbird updates.
Granger and Green dropping is a big surprise. Toronto messed everything up. Granger would have been perfect next to Bosh, with T-Dot probably waiving Rose this summer.
The Clips should draft me. I would KEEL the Lakers! They cannot beat my defense in the low post and range for my jumpshot!
Korolev, it says, averaged three points per game last year. So in this clips package, they’re essentially showing over half of his made field goals.
Ok, they made a promise… but why is everybody passing up on Granger and Green? I think the ‘Cats will be more than pleased to take one of them (and Minny hopefully the other one)…
Here’s everyone’s favorite xenophobe, Dickie V!
The only thing I’ve been told about Korolev, seriously, is that he’s a bit of a dick.
The Bobcats won’t pass on Green.
Well, they took May. That makes about thismuch sense.
Remember, the Bobcats are an expansion team, but they’re not an expansion city. Charlotte fans won’t come out just to watch two Tar Heels, they’re not into gimmicks, they just want to watch a winning team.
I like May more than most, even after what his Dad did to the Bulls. I just would have gone with Green, who will be developing while the Bobcats overcome their growing pangs and pains.
Are Gerald Green and Danny Granger actually still available? Did I really just get this job?
Okay, gotta go change my shorts.
Rex, I thought you’d be asking if Green and Granger had older sisters.
Incredible… I think there might be something wrong with Green… There was news that he did not want any competitive tryout, but falling from a Top-6 to 14… or 15… or 16…
Green Green Green Green Green Green Green Green
2-0 Cubs thanks to my homer just now.
McCants? Not a big fan, but I think he can step in and help off the bench right away. Green and Granger wouldn’t do that.
McCants… he sounds like french fries to me, but they say the kid is good albeit cocky. So much for Green, once again…
If Green’s agent wasn’t such an ass to Portland’s idiotic brass, they would have kept their 3rd pick and taken him. No shit. And now he’s fallen out of the lottery.
Whoops, in the excitement, I apparently forgot how to spell my name.
Let me rephrase that. I like McCants, just not as much as others. I think he’ll be a fine, fine player. He’s in the best possible situation.
If he would have gone to the Bobcats or Clippers or something like that, then I’m thinking the opposite.
Another crap pick from the overrated Rod Thorn.
Toronto fans were sick to death of missing out on Green at 7, here’s idiot Babcock’s chance to make up for that.
I will never understand why some players have so much hype surrounding them and, when the real Draft comes, just disappear. Every year there’s at least one of them, and now we’ve got 2! What will Toronto make now???
Rob Babcock is making Isiah Thomas look like Red Auerbach.
Graham???? Are Green & Granger still there? Have they been kidnapped?
Rob Babcock makes Rob Thomas look like, well, anyone who doesn’t incessantly suck balls.
Check out the ESPN Draft Cast live chat. Fran Vázquez has just answered a question (posted in Spanish) in Galician language… plagued with spelling mistakes… unreadable, even for a spaniard like me!
Whoa! Someone has just picked the much hyped Granger… now we are only missing the Green man!
I’m going to the Pacers!
Green in green. Ainge can’t believe he lasted this long.
And I’m going to Boston!
Could they have found a taller table for Stu to sit behind. He looks like a four year old at a Baskin Robins.
Sorry, I mean a one-eyed four year old. How silly of me.
I’m glad there’s only a head shot of Fran Fraschilla. He’s not wearing any pants.
Jim Durham and “Where’d this Visa Card come from” Doug Gottlieb just filled me in on the draft. Ray Felton went fifth? Seriously? Skinny Mateen went in the top five? Sounds like Mardi Gras started early in the New Orleans war room. Like four hours ago, and they were drunk when they picked.
Sean May to Charlotte? Hope they have some of Robert Traylor’s old fat shorts they can paint orange.
Fran doesn’t take his pants off, he just pulls them down. Kinda like Hugh Grant in a rental car.
Perfect pick for the Nugs. I love Hodge.
Julius Hodge in the audience! Is he our first “Price is Right” Come on down draftees?
Hodge can also take a shot to the nuts and keep his game face.
Webster went sixth? Isn’t he under four feet tall?
Fran Vazquez went 12th? Wait, is this the WNBA Draft?
Webster’s got upside. Look at the size of Mr. Popodopolous, he’s huge!
“The only times I’ve been able to see Julius Hodge was in the ACC Tournament,”
Because I don’t have a television.
I’ll await the DNA tests, but I think the Popodopolous’ were Webby’s birth parents.
Cubs 2
Brewers 0
“I signed a four year contract, this is my last year here…” and I am so sick of these fucking inbred crackers in Memphis…was that last part out loud?
Edit it out. I’M THE LOGO THAT’S WHY! YES, LOOK AT THE LOGO! IT’S ME, YOU JACKASS!
Oh, thanks Mike. Pleasure to be here. Bye.
Grizzlies owner Michael Heisley remains the only owner in the league that a random drunk man at a bar in the Loop came up to me to tell me what a debt-ridden feet-freak Heisley was.
The random drunk was Dick Versace, wasn’t it?
Actually, that wasn’t in the loop, what the hell is wrong with me?
It was in Roscoe Village, some bar on Roscoe and Oakley.
Nate Robinson in PHO, nice.
The drunk had a white beard, seriously, but no perm.
Ahh …
PHO mitigates the the uninsured-ness of Q’s back with Robinson.
Just went back and looked at an old OnHoops live draft, from 1999, where I called Andrei Kirilenko “the next Martin Muursepp,” called Jeff Foster a bust, Ron Artest lefthanded, and William Avery “a fantastic pick.”
Do you think somebody will pick that ugly and lazy guy Chris Taft in the 1st round? maybe Isaiah?
Hey, an Euro player has been picked… Ok, I agree with the question marks on petro, but he’s a 7 footer, pretty agile and with nice skills… I don’t see why not take a risk with a lower 1st round pick, so I think that was a bold move
I’m a UC fan, but anyone who gives Jason Maxiell a guaranteed contract is a straight-up nutter.
Ok, now another French guy… who is he? Ok, Pop and Buford are normally genius when it comes to drafting unknown players, but I have never heard of that one (and I had long heard of Scola and Ginobili when he drafted ’em)
…win. 2-0.
Alright, I’m actually home now. Consider me the Ron Burke of the 2005 Draft.
Z is coming back, Lee with the HR, and C Pat with the diving DP in the 8th
Did the Knicks really insist on getting Nate Robinson from Phoenix in order to complete the Q-Richardson-Brandy trade?
Isiah is so dumb, it’s outstanding. Why not just dig through the Rolodex for Spud Webb?
Ooh, Spike Lee is at the draft. It’s like a bad movie. You know, one of Spike’s.
We want David Lee. He’s black, right?
Get off the stage, Dave. Time for me to get some love from my peeps.
I was glad to hear the pick of Luther Head by the Rockets on my way home. Luther can now add to his extensive X-Box games collection, some of which he actually has paid for.
I also like the fact that he and Bobby Sura can room together and do crossword puzzles.
Lu: OK, Bobby, three letter word means, “feline”.
Bobby: Feline? Like vagina?
Lu: Huh? What? It starts with a c.
Bobby: Yeah, c@#$.
Lu: Uh, yeah, OK.
Charlie Villanueva went to the Raptors? At least he doesn’t have any body hair. It’ll make those Homeland Security mandated body cavity border searches that much easier.
“I’d like to say hi to all of my close, personal friends in the stands…”
I’m witty.
George Bush was funnier than Russ tonight.
Maybe Russ should start bombing people.
Wasn’t Daniel Ewing the Ewing that was in Knots Landing?
Allow me to paint you a picture.
I’m shirtless, eating a Crunch bar and drinking a Mountain Dew that has more “sweat” on it than Robert Traylor’s BVDs.
Nice, huh?
Let it rain!
I thought I got drafted, but then I got out of the shower and it was a dream. And I got to nail Victoria Principal!
Uh, Daniel. That was me.
I was out in the sun with my laptop yesterday while waiting for the Brown line, it was late, and after opening the laptop an hour later, I noticed that the keyboard is warped.
I’d sue Mayor Daley, but all he’d do is just close more pubs down.
Chris Paul went to New Orleans. Do they have a #3? I hope they do. The little wanker has CP3 sewn into everything he owns.
Hey guys, I am leaving early this year. This is being a very busy week – both work and trying to get a chick ;) – and it’s already almost 5 AM round here. I hope you enjoy the rest of the draft and see u next year! Go Fran Vázquez! (and also props to Elian Erylasova or whatsoever, he’s the next… next… so, the next!)
Thanks, Potekan! Good luck with work, and with getting laid.
And yes, I think his winking eye smiley is a first for Desipio. I’m going to pretend it’s not there.
Cheers, Potekan.
I don’t know any of these people.
Best factoid I’ve seen so far.
PHO: Nate Robinson highest U of Washington pick since Christian Welp.
Now there’s something illustrious to have on your resume.
Mike Tirico stinks at running a draft. He’s not yelling or sweating enough and he doesn’t pretend he doesn’t know who the pick is before it’s announced.
Ooh, Jiri Welsh to the Bucks for a second round draft pick.
One of these days Jiri’s going to find a team he can play on. Could be the Bucks. Could be the Washington Mystics.
I scouted Travis back before his senior year of HS, and he couldn’t even get the ball past halfcourt without getting picked. Seems like the usual Dave Twardzik pick
Was the draft tonight? Oh, I was watching the Cubs. Well, I can read about it in the morning.
Trade!
DEN sends Jarret Jack to POR for Linus Van Pelt and Ricky Sanchez.
Lucy’s going to be pissed.
Basketball players cannot be named “Von Wafer.”
Nobody should be named “Von Wafer.”
Travis Diener is listed at 6’1, 165. What’s that really, 5’9, 130? That’s a good size for a girlfriend, not a point guard.
For instance…
On ESPN Radio Fred Carter chimes in occasionally with insightful comments like, “I like this kid” and “Hey, there’s no more bacon in the green room!”
Fine, I’ll admit it. RC Buford is about 30 years younger than I thought he was.
Jay Bilas: “Chris Taft is not a shooter, he has bad hands and is not quick on his feet. He needs to improve his skill level, his athleticism and his free throws.”
Other than that, he’s great!
That’s Bob Bass, he wears polyester.
I can’t believe I’m still watching this.
Oh, I know Bob Bass. We once shared a time share in Boca. I just assumed by the name that RC was an old man.
Great, here comes Dickie V.’s usual rant about guys leaving college early.
Dickie V. I love you, but shut the hell up.
What are the odds that Elgin Baylor has ever seen or heard of the guy they drafted at 12?
I love it when these high school kids go in the second round and you know they’re going to be hanging out in the NDBL next year. Enjoy Asheville you jagoffs!
Most of the HS guys who go second-round don’t even get to the NBDL, they’re that bad. These guys and their parents are just idiots.
They can go to community college. Though they won’t be eligible to play basketball. Quite the career move.
This link tells you all you need to know about “NBA draftniks.”
http://web.archive.org/web/20041118062831/http://nbadraft.net/index.asp
Nobody knows what’s going to happen, and any draft “grades” anyone writes for tomorrow will be just as moronic.
Did Rob Babcock hire Butch Carter at any point in his Raptors career? If he did, he needs to be quiet now.
But drafting Charlie Villanueva and Joey Graham is also reason to shut up.
“Michael Gelabale from Guadalupe.”
You have got to be shitting me.
Why does Granik bit the side of his lip and stare down the audience after every pick.
Why does Granik bit the side of his lip and stare down the audience after every pick?
Someone named “Orien” was just drafted, and I’m spent.
Lata foos.
Thanks for the good work tonight, KD.
I’d take it from there if there was anyplace to take it.
Dijon Thompson? When does Grey Poupon Johnson go?
Wow, no one gave a shit, did they?
You made it all the way down here, so I guess you did.
Did anyone here my no diggity at my MAN, Deron? I was giving him props before the break, saying, “Seven tattoos on this young man, but still has character. Lots of character.” What the hell was I talking about? Boo-yeah!
I can’t believe nobody called Shav’s name list night. Redick-ulous.
Unfortunately I was without computer access while watching last night’s draft, and am very disappointed that those that chatted here missed the funniest moment. Jerry West referring to Hakim Warrick as a Princeton grad. Which may have just been West-speak for, “I am soooooo outta this shithole…”
Second funniest moment — anything that came out of Jay Bilas’ mouth.
Also in case you missed it, if we’ve learned nothing from Real World-Austin, it’s that if you ever want to bang a really hot blonde with a boyfriend — fine someone to crush your eye socket so she’ll feel sorry for you and give it up. But if you do that, forget the lame white gauze bandage and find a really cool eyepatch. Chicks dig eyepatches.
You know who else digs eyepatches? You guessed it — Shavlik Randolph, suckas… NBDL or bust!!!
Finally — I can’t resist it any longer… I shall now consider myself a Los Angeles Clippers fan, but first must rid the Earth of Frankie Muniz. You’re welcome.
Jake, I love it when you analyze.
I have an eye patch you know…getting chicks now is a can ‘o corn!