Pitching matchup:
Cubs: Mark Prior, 5-2, 2.86 ERA
Braves: Horacio Ramirez, 7-5, 5.09 ERA
Lineups:
Cubs
Jerry the Lesser, CF
Neifi!, 2B
E-ramis, 3B
Jason Dubois, LF
Jeromy Burnitz, RF
Todd “Scoop” Walker, 1B
Ronny Cedeno, SS
Hank White, C
The Franchise, P
Braves
Rafael DUI Furcal, SS
Kelly Johnson, LF
Marcus Giles, 2B
Andruw, CF
Generalissimo Julio Franco, 1B
Ponch, C
Ryan Langerhans, RF
Wilson Betemit, 3B
Horacio Ramirez, P
I hate rookies, Dude. That’s why I’m batting Dubois cleanup.
Don’t worry, Dusty just said that I’ll be reappearing in the second game.
We claim full responsibility for this lineup we intend to write one for next game too.
Can the Cubs still see the Yosemite Sams on my mudflaps?
Chip Caray jokingly brought me back out in reference to Todd Walker, when he complained that Chip and Steve weren’t like Hawk and DJ…you know retarded. If Chip and Steve had one thing going for them it was that they weren’t Hawk and DJ. Anyway, I am the only remotely funny thing that Chippy has ever come up with.
Honesty compels me to say that I believe I was the oh so alliterative witticism Chippy re-pulled out of his ass in reference to Scoop.
Shouldn’t Neifi be leading off, and Hank White batting second?
Left field makes me nervous when I play it. Mm hm.
Hey gang, you’re both right, I actually had 3 or 4 that I trotted out last year, in reference to Todd’s “Hawk comes up with nicknames to support his guys” comment. But I threw Louisiana Lumberjack out there the other night, and you could hear the sarcasm in my voice. Boy, that doesn’t say much for Walk, when I get the last laugh.
I don’t know guys, for not having DLee, and limiting yourself by not using Holly at 1st, this is a pretty good lineup.
Neifi in the 2 hole isn’t ideal, but he’s been sucking there for a while, so nothing new.
Hank White is catching, which makes Prior better, so that’s a tradeoff.
Jerry is batting leadoff, which he should.
Dubois is cleaning up, which he should given the limitations.
Ronny Cedeno is playing short, which he should continue doing for the rest of the season or until Nomar comes back or he gets traded, whichever happens first.
All-in-all, given the limitations, this is a pretty good lineup.
Those @&*damn Braves announcers better get off our backs, we won’t tolerate anyone speaking about us in any manner!
Oh, and Dusty told me that the only reason Hairston is playing CF is because he’s afraid the water logged outfield might injure Korey.
Nice imitation, huh?
Am I coming down?
Am I on or off?
How bout some love for me! I managed to stop that losing streak last night. Don’t you just love me?
Uh, that was fast…
8 pitches against a guy with a 5+ ERA?
This team is quickly becoming unwatchable. And unlistenable here at work.
8 pitches first inning, Eram even flyed out on the first pitch. This is going to be a long day, I should take some gasoline and a gun to the mound to make things interesting.
What happened, are they under rain delay already?
8 of me that inning
6 pitches, to be exact. Did Horacio even break a sweat?
6, 8, what’s the difference? Hey, isn’t Horacio supposed to be walk-prone?
We also coined the nickname, “The Louisiana Larraper.”
Just throw the ball around the plate, not over it. Umpires hate double headers, and they’ll want to get the games in as quick as possible to prevent another rain out. I forsee many borderline strikes today.
Mark Prior is so manly, with his large luxurious calves.
I’ve got the afternoon shakes, I need a drink.
Morph, you dumbass:
Hairston – 3
Neifi – 4
A-Ram – 1
8 pitches.
Stop trying to hit me and hit me, Neo…
See, I can do that too, Haracio.
We are not losing after the first inning. That should count for one win at least
7 pitches, nice.
Intrepid Reader: Pat Hughes
July 7th, 2005 at 12:12 pm
“Mark Prior is so manly, with his large luxurious calves.”
…covered in white socks and blue stockings, under white jerseys with blue pinstripes, playing on a green field with brown dirt.
How the hell do you people even remember that crap? (all the nicknames)
I’m gay!
We love the first pitch!!!
JEROMY TOOK A PITCH!!!!!
In the south, the dirt is red.
Hey, aren’t you guys going to call me up to start game 2? I can play first and give Louisianna Lightningbug a rest.
I did take the first pitch, and I didn’t get a hit anyway.
Lesson learned: next time, hack away!
Intrepid Reader: CT
July 7th, 2005 at 12:17 pm
“In the south, the dirt is red.”
just like their necks
FYChip!
Jeromy and Todd saw more pitches than the first 5 guys combined.
I got a hit, suck it Chippy.
Is this team now so bad that a SINGLE now qualifies as an FYC(hip) moment?
yes
That was just a joke.
The Desipiots told us that taking pitches would lead to runs, but we we scored no runs that last inning.
From now on we are going to the original plan, Swing at EVERYTHING
Did they bring in some local Babe Ruth umpires to work this game? I only recognize onr or two of the names as full-time umps.
Pat,
Along with those great calves, Prior has great fast balls
Remember when my geriatric ass busted Farnsworth on a 14 pitch at bat? I swing a freaking tree trunk and he can’t get his 100 mph fastball by me.
We have 10 rookies on our team, I play them all, and we are kicking your ass, Dusty.
This is what Riggs sent out against the Phillies 10 years ago today…
cf McRae
2b Sanchez
1b Grace
rf Sosa
3b Zeile
ss Dunston
lf Timmons
c Pratt
p Bullinger
Burnitz was the eighth batter of the game today (including the three Braves who went in order in the first) and he was the first hitter to take a ball. They do know that they have to wait around for game two, right?
P-E-R-F-E-C-T G-A-M-E today.
My secret to a long career is I sacrifice a chicken to JoBu before every game.
N-E-V-E-R-M-I-N-D
“DuBois can’t make the catch.”
This is a recording.
I really look like a retarded child out there in LF.
Why am I playing today? I’m horrible.
Wow, Jason. Uh, wow. That…was…not good. ANY other outfielder in the league catches that. ANY.
I suck.
Left field makes me nervous when I play it. Mm hm.
Thanks Andy for the vote of confidance
Whee! We didn’t fall behind until the second inning today. This is progress.
how come Dusty says we have to be patient when Korey hits .150 for a month and I get ripped when I play my traditional bad D?
Why am I in the National League?
“…that was not an easy play.”
Well, yes, it would be difficult if, and only if, you had no legs.
not a day goes by without somebody here mentioning me.
it makes all my chicks and I to wanna cry.
i love you too, guys.
G-A-M-E-O-V-E-R
And yes, even you Moises would have caught that “double.”
That suck-bag Jason bitch just lost my no-hit bid AND my shut-out bid. I’m going to kick him in the nuts with my enormous and luxurious calves.
The Cubs haven’t had a lead in a game in more than one week. That has to be some kind of record.
What’s a sac fly?
From now on, he’s Jason DHuBois.
You sure about that, Andy?
Hey, first base is easy! I could win a Gold Glove over here.
7 pitches inning 1
21 pitches inning 2.
Projecting 63 pitches in inning 3.
Can you imagine how dominant my numbers would be so far in my career…if I…you know, played on a good team?
There you go Haracio, that’s all you need, now go get em.
For a guy who plays in the field once every two weeks, that Dubois guy isn’t too bad.
Tack that onto the ol’ HWQBA or whatever. Clearly, that should have been a base hit.
The other cubs are not the only reason why Prior has not had a dominant career
I don’t know what you guys are worried about. We got Blanco, Prior and Hairston due this inning.
oh, i’m supposed to swing?
The greatest crime in human history was the Cubs selling out every game the last two years to watch this piece of shit team. A complete lack of fundamentals and a basic concept of what the rules, and ultimate purpose of the game are, falls on management – not only Dusty Baker but his coaches and Jim Hendry.
At this point it would only seem fair that the Tribune offer refunds to everyone who has purchased tickets in the past two years.
Scrap that, I’m a second baseman again!
I should start getting hit by pitches again to get on base. I was really good at that!
George,
Tell everybody how smart you think I am!
Love,
Tony
you like my korey impression?
everybody is ripping Du-boys, but he didn’t get an error.
Brave Nation EXPECTS to win.
Did I ever tell you how good of a hitter I was at USC. The trick to being a good hitter in the PAC-10 at the time was never facing me.
Have all died inside a little more this year. Unbelievable. When does training camp start ?
Most of the Cubs are honest, upstanding people who condemn this style of play – and then there is Dusty Baker.
I stole Hairston’s jersey and I’m batting right handed today.
6 pitches, 6 strikes, that’s my job!
I could hit cleanup in this Cubs lineup…
Apparently we all have the same website
My suggestion to Dusty was that while DLee is out we should sign Mike Tyson to play first base and bite anyone who gets on. Maybe eat their babies too.
The crap of today’s lineup is what you get when you do not start me.
I have the same website too.
My fastball is awesome so far today, but my curve is hanging up in the zone, and my changeup is nonexistent. I have one pitch today, and I will still gut it out. Why am I wasting away on the Cubs ?
We have the same PR firm
I haven’t had the time to work on my website yet, but I’ll let you guys know when it’s finished.
The Cubs could use 25 pairs of me.
Other than a solo homerun, does anyone see how the Cubs score today?
Our plan is to bore the braves to death today, leading their defense to be as bad as ours
I was merely 3 wild pitches away from scoring.
The Cub should learn how to manufracture rung, mang. Steal a base, bunt, hit and rung, mang…then they’d wing more game and have more fung. The Cub actual prolem is that they can’t get anyoneg on first, mang.
I played in Japan, and over there if a team was this bad their manager was required to impale himself on his samarai sword. It is an act of honor.
uhh.. pat… uhmm.. did you know we didn’t have a game last night? i was waiting around and i thought i saw.. uhhmm.. you know, people playing. oh wait, i just got a fax i’d like to read… uhh.. can you help me with this name patrick? uhh.. well anyways, happy 109th birthday… wow patrick, 109 years. uhhh.. do you think they were around when the cubs won a world series?
“Making Fans Physically ill for Over 100 Years”
…that’s how I got this one…
I bet I’m the new Beege.
7 through 1, 50 through 3.
I’m taking lessons from Wood.
Also, we should mention that we plan to keep Ramerez’s pitch count low so we do not need to see that strong braves bullpen today
Sounds good, run with it.
The Cubs pitchers love us.
Why do I smile so much? Am I gay? Or am I just happy?
My nickname is hereby revoked until further notice. For now, I am just “Very Good Starter.”
You can’t tell me that one night in New York wasn’t…anything…::cries::
You have taco farts Andruw…like me.
I think I am going to be ill
The Cubs are encouraging young fans to run the bases during the game while the Cubs hit, because we know there won’t be any Cub players clogging the bases.
I’m the best starting pitcher any of you, except for Chuck, has ever seen.
Did I say 50? 54. I’ll be done in about 8 more batters.
Watch out, Ramirez.
Well, other than that guy wearing #31 down the bench.
Anyone visiting me today?
And that guy wearing #21 in Houston.
I AM here, I’m just so crushed that I really can’t add anything of value.
I’m more entertaining than the Chicago Cubs.
“Len has taken a quick bathroom break…the swing…fly ball down the right field line…Len will find a surprise when he gets back……Burnitz is over…I’ve removed my clothing and covered myself in grape jelly…Jeromy near the line…reaches up…I feel like a big donut…and he makes the catch. At the end of 3, Cubs suck, Braves 1.”
Mark, watch me pitch and you’ll see how it’s done. As a matter of fact, you’ll be able to watch me a lot, since I’ll be on the southside within 2 weeks. My fastball may be straight as an arrow, but it’s 99mph, bitches. How dare you not dial it up on every pitch, to light up the radar gun.
why do i all of a sudden sound like a pile of shit after that commercial break?
Hi, Ledge. My name’s Sloth, short for The Uncouth Sloth.
Shut the fuck up, I know I’m fat, I just need you for a minute.
Hi Sloth… I have a dozen donuts waiting here for you. C’mon.. just a little closer… little closer… ok good.
7 pitches, 3 outs.
“I wouldn’t give up any young talent for Preston Wilson, that’s for sure”
This is beyond belief. This fucking team has got 37 pitches over 11 outs against a guy who averages 90 pitches per start!
I’m going to crack Smoltz on the knee so I can pitch Game 2 and bring my ERA down some more.
Is it too early to start talking about me again? It’s not like there’s a good ballgame on anywhere…
I am completely overrated. I pitched only 200 IP once in my career and I was hurt pretty much all of the next season.
The White Sox will trade for me about 3 weeks before my arm falls off.
Honestly I don’t..These phucks don’t have a clue!!
I’m also more entertaining than Cubs baseball.
I’ve thrown 41 pitches through four innings.
When’s the over/under on when Gene Clines becomes the sacrificial lamb for this shitty offense?
It’s getaway day and we want out of this shithole as fast as possible…wait, there’s ANOTHER game after this? WTF???
Anybody have one of me ? I could be a helpful way to end the pain of the season.
Ramirez came in walking more than he struck out and striking out less than 3 per 9. 4 Ks, 0 bb in 4 innings today.
41 through 4 vs. 54 through 3. Discuss.
Brain impulses that create me say that I exist because Andruw is happy he’s not with the cubs
Len and I hold hands during the game.
Folks, honesty compells me to say that these Cubbies aren’t going to be hitting many hot shots or laserbeams today because they haven’t seen much of Horacio Ramirez this year and have obviously left their hitting shoes back at the hotel.
We just don’t fucking care, all right? Leave us alone.
“The guys in front of Lee, are basically keeping him out the triple crown running” We get everything about this team, and are knowledgeable. We are also not annoying. We don’t know who we are, but why are nerds like Chippy, Sutton, Van Wieren, etc. on the national broadcasts, and we waste away here?
Show me a game where haven’t fought to the very end.
Andruw, you smile because you’re a fag!
The Cubs need a feisty manager, and I would be willing to wear makeup and a wig as long as they gave me a cell phone to keep in touch with my family during the game.
Hey, do I still announce for the Bravos?
Anybody seen a priest?
What will our big excuses be this year? Oh, you better believe they’ll be good. One more year of Dusty, and we might be on the road to another 97 years of futility. His juju is that bad folks.
Folks, sometimes you need to learn to lose before you can learn to win.
What will the “Slidell Slammer” do in this AB?
I hope Hawk Harrelson dies…soon. I am Hindu now, by the way.
Why would I hold the coaching staff accountable?
We’re more entertaing than most stuff.
Dammit, this is why I don’t play these guys.
I’ll get Patterson, Neifi and Macias back in the lineup in Game 2.
I am a dwarf, Walker looks actually tall compared to me.
Like…oh…my…god
We have a runner at second !!!
Hey, I’m already in the lineup!
A guy to second is more than I expected.
Stooges? Yes.
Pulling teeth?
Yes, too!
Folks, honesty compells me to say that 52 pitches through 5 innings against this Chicago ballclub is pretty darn good.
I could have gone to see the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants this afternoon…but I stayed home to watch the Cubs. I’m so dumb.
Is there a more automatic out in all of baseball ? I couldn’t hit .200 in Japan, hell, or even the Mexican Leagues for that matter.
Oh freddled gruntbuggly,
Thy micturations are to me
As plurdled gabbleblotchits
On a lurgid bee.
Groop, I implore thee, my foonting turlingdromes
And hooptiously drangle me
with crinkly bindlewurdles,
Or I will rend thee in the gobberwarts with my blurglecruncheon
See if I don’t.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vogon_poetry
I’m about the 4th best hitter in the lineup today. Good thing I’m leading off next inning. Or not.
Time to add a no-hitter to my resume’.
Click on my name to see a picture from my most recent porno.
I’m on the Cub bench for the rest of the season and everyone is taking me.
Should I teach Korey how to bunt?
That was 3 stooge- like, we are a fucking comedy of errors…I’m going out to do yard work in 95 degree weather. I hate myself.
without D Lee, the cubs score 6.8 less runs per game.
Folks, you can’t get much better than a day-night doubleheader between two of the Junior Circuit’s finest.
And folks while I’m here, I’d like to say hello to my lovely wife Susan and to my daughter Summerlyn and two twin boys, Harry and Stephan.
Gameday says that Betemit doubled on a grounder to Cedeno. How does that happen?
That’s not Jose. That guy’s too tall.
What the hell was that thing Ramirez just did?
oooooooooooh bro-tha
Junior Circuit? Are we in the AL now?
Chip, we’re the Senior Circuit.
Nail in the coffin.
Oops, that’s two runs too many.
I heet the ball!! I runnnnn, de Cubs cannot ceeeetch the ball! I runnnnn sum more!!
Anyone in the bullpen up and throwing?
You ain’t better than me, Mark. And plenty of you have seen me.
Nope
Since NL games are only 5 innings long, we throw complete games every time out.
I can get out of this, Joe B taught me to blow on my fingers and everything will be fine.
They just showed a few guys throwing up in the bullpen.
Must have been a rough night.
Randy, I’m likable (like the rest of the 2005 cubs) you’re not, ok?
And 1 makes 90. Not even through 5.
Screw you, Unit. When you were 24 you were still bouncing around in AA you pituitary freak!
I’m hiding…go away…don’t point that camera at me.
OK, throwing 40 more pitches than the other guy in the same amount of innings is good, right?
Game, season, match.
thanks andy for using us again
Thanks for your time. I’ll be shoving this letter opener up my nostrils now.
Yesterday the Cubs were in second place. Tonight, they’ll be in fourth.
I love our coaching staff, especially when they hide in the dugout when a pitcher is getting hammered. Like this 3 run homer.
I am a solid pitcher…end of discussion. Now when I leave the Cubs, I will be absolutely un-hittable every time out…watch.
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
We’re the prison bitch of the national league. We just bend over and take it over and over.
We’re going to try to outdo ourselves and lose 2 games in one day!!!
This one just went from awful to something much worse than awful.
I would have drilled someone and gotten ejected rather than pitch through this shit.
Is it 4:20 yet because I am getting lit up
Hi Folks,
With a Milwaukee win, it looks like the Cubbies are in danger of falling behind Ned Yost’s Brew Crew after they get swept today.
really it is not fair. Other team’s pitchers get to beef up their era against our lineup.
I’m already lit up.
I am a good number 2 or 3 pitcher. Stop with comparisons to all time greats. Right now, I would be the number 4 starter on the White Sox. Weren’t the Cubs supposed to be a great pitching team?
oh NOW the bullpen gets started.
Just stay out there Mark. Just throw and throw and throw and throw. I’m not getting off my ass to come get you.
I’m awfully crowded today.
I hope it’s just me, or fatigue, but Prior seems to be hanging over on his side after some of his pitches.
Good strategy Dusty!
Yes, and we are, now be quiet I’m still hiding.
And this pencil through my eyesocket.
not burning up my bullpen is more important than Prior’s health
I’m dialing 911 as fast as I can and nothing’s happening.
Hey, 102 pitches through 4 1/3 is good, right?
Intrepid Reader: Mark Prior
July 7th, 2005 at 1:27 pm
I am a good number 2 or 3 pitcher. Stop with comparisons to all time greats. Right now, I would be the number 4 starter on the White Sox. Weren’t the Cubs supposed to be a great pitching team?
That’s nice. But it’s pure bullshit.
Wait, since when are there 3 outs in an inning? Can we restart the game please
Mark, You can’t ever be great if we ruin you. God, we are fucking clown shoes all the way.
Rumor is Prior is going to bash Dusty’s head in when Dusty goes to the can.
I can’t make a trade to improve this crap, and nobody wants our crap. I am just going to sit here and say I am buying time
I will be defended to the death here.
Here I come to save the day!
Thank Jesus. Nighty night.
I really can’t believe I still have a job. I’m going to come to Game 2 in my birthday suit. Will that do it?
And you should, Jim. You’d need to make about five trades to fix this team.
Who You Crappin’?
And 720 turns into 670.
I am way more entertaining than Cubs baseball.
We were just one hitter away a couple weeks ago.
Intrepid Reader: Mark Prior
July 7th, 2005 at 1:32 pm
I will be defended to the death here.
Go ahead, rip away and see how much sense you can make while doing it.
At least when the trivia question comes up, “Who was the oldest player to ever homer off Yankee Hall of Famer Mark Prior”, you’ll know the answer.
Is anyone throwing up in the bullpen?
…that’s sometimes on….is more entertaining than the Cubs.
At this point the cubs might as well drop both games today so that they can be me and become official sellers.
That’s exactly right!
See the Cubs miss Sammy! I even said so today!
How many balls did I swing at in that at-bat? I don’t have any baseball IQ whatsoever.
Len: “We’ll see Macias and Patterson in game two tonight.”
Now that’s a ratings-grabbing tease if I ever heard one.
Jay’s article didn’t say that. In fact, it didn’t say anything other than that Sammy sucks and the Cubs suck.
No one is ripping me, but I am not a pitching God, Yet…nor will I be one with the Cubs. I see the Braves, or the Yankees , or Red Sox in my future. Maybe even the Angels(close to home). I am the kind of guy who would take less money to pitch for a good team. I hate losing, and I need a new pitching coach. But here, you say I am the best pitcher any of us have seen. That is just not true yet.
From Rob Neyer’s chat (currently on ESPN.com):
Mike (Madison): Cubs losing 6-0 to Braves right now….possible 7 game skid. Are they done? What needs to be done to salvage a postseason run?
SportsNation Rob Neyer: (2:29 PM ET ) Insert fork. Remove fork. Begin thinking about 2006. . . Does anybody else get the distinct feeling that if Bobby Cox and Leo Mazzone were running the Cubs instead of the Braves, their records would be reversed? There’s certainly no lack of talent on the Cubs’ roster.
But truthfully, I specifically said the Cubs do not miss Sammy.
Folks, that was some kind of at-bat by the great Neifi Perez.
chances are you’re rambling and nobody cares.
“Wasting away with the Cubs since 2002”
Andy, I’d consider that a threat.
Thank you, Brian, I know you’ll be torn a new one here for being accurate.
Is the writing anymore clear why we released Neifi Perez?
Alright, this is going to be easy!
name is more than 5 words long, chances are what you have to say isn’t worthwile.
At some point, even I admit we have to address this. Maybe we can barbeque a goat. I’d rather eat that than Dusty’s contract.
The Giants said I skewed too young for them.
I might throw a 65 pitch complete game.
What if you don’t know the difference between “your” and “you’re”?
I am more uplifting than the cubs
Here’s the new logo we’re going with. What do y’all think?
Like me.
I like your bullpen because it throws so consistently up.
what does it say?
Andy:
We ate 18 months of Don Baylor’s prostate. Can we do it with Dusty, too?
shows up here, you know things are not going well. This Cubs team should be used to carry out death sentences in prisons. Watch them play for 3 straight days.
We were better than this
Neyer doesn’t know what he’s talking about. I’ve been working on a six-team deal that would bring Kotsay, Mench, Lugo, Cordero, Wilkerson and Sheffield to the Cubs. Roz is gonna fax it over to Hendry any minute now, and I imagine it’ll be done by tomorrow. Hang tight guys, my sources tell me we’re still in this thing.
I’m more entertaining than the Cubs.
For all you Corey Patterson bashers, Rafael Furcal just singled.
Here it is:
The Cubs have faced three starters in Atlanta, all of who entered the game with ERAs between 4.6 and 6. One run off of these fuckers.
I have a very good chance of throwing a 27 pitch perfect game tonight.
Actually, I take that back, we would be considered cruel and unusual punishment.
Crap….I didn’t get my wake up call. Since I missed it already, might as well go back to sleep.
Hey, we got one hit in six innings…we shouldn’t get cocky though…we have to face smoltz tonight and we may not be so lucky
Wrong John. You’ll have to strike me out at least 3 times.
But John, if you only threw 27 pitches, you wouldn’t strike anyone out. Strikeouts are the lifeblood of pitching. I gotta go hide now.
We could sure go for another rain delay right about now…
This Cubs team is impressive. How they can get all 25 guys to go into Operation Shutdown at once is beyond even me.
yeah.. we could really use another rain delay… just prolong the agony… moran
There is a distinct possibilty that if Smoltz has his good stuff this evening, you will see me.
Oh my God, a hit!
Where’s my flask? hiccup….Alright, who took my flask?
Ah, well, that takes care of that, doesn’t it?
You mean I was right for once ?
How about Piniella and Aubrey Huff for Dusty and Korey?
Great, we can swap one insane manager for another.
You’re not nearly enough to fix us.
Throw in Prior, Ramirez, and Zambrano, and you have a deal.
Why am I in the game?
How many pitches have I seen today? 3?
I just said “that the Cubs are a proud franchise, and being a Cub fan is a serious life long commitment. And that Santo is not in the Hall is a complete joke.”
By the way, did anybody hear the pre-game show? I could have sworn Dusty said he was batting Perez/Macias 1-2 against Smoltz.
Serious Cub love fest by me today.
Is the 2nd game a simulated game?
Hey Cubs fans!
Put on your rally caps and get ready for an exciting finish!
Brought to you by Nu Finish!
If you trade for us, you might have a chance
Hey, I faced more batters in 4.2 than Ramirez has in 7. Sucking sure is contagious.
“Wanna get away?”
Hurricane Dennis will keel Dusty and his staff in Miami. Just send Prior, Dumpster, Big Z, Walker, Lee, cedeno, A-ram home.
50 pitches in 2.1 innings. I wanna be like Mark and Kerry!
we are talking about how nice it is that the Cubs have always had great personality in the booth lwith guys ike Ron Santo and Harry etc…So just like if a girl has a “great personality” it means she’s ugly, if a baseball team has “great personality” it’s a nice way of saying that they are also painful to look at.
Folks, that was some kind of at-bat by the vaunted Jose Macias.
Here I come!!
do the cubs know how to play me?
No need for me to hurry back now huh??
A Cubs fan, wearing a Cubs jersey, right arm in a sling, just got drilled by a hairston line drive in his right shoulder.
This just in… Hairston saw more than 3 pitches in an at-bat…
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
make that left shoulder, i view everything in a mirror
My turds can manage better than Dusty Baker.
Dusty doesn’t fall under the insane category of managers like Piniella & Bowa. They actually get a response from their players. Dusty is in the same category as Baylor – lazy & clueless.
I used to be a ballerina.
Could I be any more symbolic of this season?
Could I be any more symbolic of this season?
Back in my day, when a team was in a horrendous slump and lost the first game of a double header this badly the manager was fired before the nightcap.
You think your shit don’t stink, Cox? You wifebeating redneck.
Did you guys hear that I’ve been announced??
Neifi
Macias
Walker
Ramirez
Burnitz
Hollandsworth
Barrett
Patterson
Williams
Inspiring ain’t it??
…how Dusty brings in the same pitchers whether we’re down by a lot or up by a little?
He didn’t say I didn’t stink, just that I can manage better than you.
We forfeit
You remember those games where some rag arm would go 8 innings and give up none against us? “You’ve gotta tip your cap.” God was I an ass.
Hey guys, I have my reasons for using my best righty reliever in a game that’s already over.
I have Mike Wuretz on my fantasy team. I want to get some Ks from him today.
Remember how in the begining of this slump, the cubs scored 3 runs off ten hits and we all bitched about it. . . Those were the days
Well, it’s not like you’ve got another game today, Dusty.
For me to happen, the cubs will need to do more in one inning than they have all week.
Interesting that the couple of guys who would normally be giving people shit for not rah-rah-ing our way through this nightmare are me today.
It’s the little things.
Yeah, no sense in saving Wuertz for tonight’s game, right?
Yes, let’s end this abortion of a game quickly… get up there and hack, hack, hack.
Gotta stay aggressive, dude. First pitches are always cookies.
Cue me up.
Rah Rah, Rah….rah…..ra..r….
oh forget it
what do you want from me today,
I’m still watching the game,
you can’t ask for much more
You see, 100 pitches is supposed to get you through 9 innings, not 5.
I can’t wait to find out in who the Cubs are going to tip their caps to first: the Braves hitters, or Ramirez.
Remember, how disappointing it was when the cubs came back twice against the nats but still could not win. Man, those were some great days.
The guy’s ERA was over 5 coming in and the Cubs get 4 baserunners and make him pitch all of 103 pitches.
Are you guys going to be back here for game 2?
(if you haven’t jumped the ledge yet that is)
Did I seriously just throw a shutout?…seriously? Shit…that’s kinda cool.
Hey, at least I got to name all of us the Dumbass Du Jour. So that’s something. Right?
And I got to change the Mediocrity-o-meter in the fifth inning. Who says the Cubs aren’t making progress?
We love ya, Jiggs, but put Kerry Sanders on.
Man, that Hurricane can’t get to south Florida fast enough.
All around us
You guys miss my solo homers now. Ha HA
Bob was right, the rain out did the Cubs a lot of good. They lost much quicker today. Barely two hours and 20 minutes.
one good thing out of this: baker basher’s excile
you mean “exile”
How many times can you say this is a must win game before it doesn’t mean anything?
Tonight’s game is no longer a must win.
It’s more of a please win? Pretty please?
Havent we suffered enough for one day
(still lying face-first on the pavement approx. 175 feet below the proverbial ledge)
Clean up on aisle 2…
we got a call about some possible whale blubber lying on the pavement below the Proverbial Ledge.
I dunno…it looks like that could have once been a human being. Better call an ambulance. I ain’t TOUCHIN’ that, let alone lifting it…
Did you miss me today?
Miss is too weak of a word isn’t it?
Screw must win, please win crap
Tonight’s game is a MUST SCORE GAME
Am I allowed to jump of the proverbial ledge too?
We responded to a call of a possible fallen man…
….aw, SHIT!! It’s the Sloth.
Better call for backup, and for the Jaws Of Life.
This one’s gonna take TWO trips…
Sloth landed on me. It was awful.
RRRrrrrrrrrRRRRRRR!
BS…if I landed on you, JD, you’d be marmalade…
Jeez, it took you long enough to call me.
I’ve been gone for a week now.
Hey! Check me out!
When they moved Sloth out of the way, they found out he had created me on the pavement.
Fill me up and let’s all take a dip untill game two!
free fallin’
I’m free fallin’
free fallin’
I’m….free…..fa…..llin’
Sloth’s Landing. you beat me to the punch.
The picture is much funnier, as is the idea of a crater vs. a pool.
Well done.
-the pool
All of a sudden my orbit has shifted. I think I might be falling into the sun soon.
(Unfortunately for Cubs fans, soon for earth amounts to 10,000 years)
hey gang, a lot of long faces here.
don’t worry, remember Wrigley Stadium is sold out the rest of the year.
thanks.
That has gone on to win a pennant has ever looked this bad during the regular season.
Not that I can remember, at least.
Can anybody find an example?
I used to get ridiculed here and still am. but at least
I have blood in my veins, and this team doesn’t.
they have cero cajones and I have plenty, just ask the ladies here in motown.
You are actually still thinking the Cubs can win me?
I had the olympis in 1908, 1948 and soon in 2012.
That means the last time the Cubs will EVER win the division is 2006.
to have a chance
HAHAHAHAHAHA
Intrepid Reader: No Team…….
July 7th, 2005 at 2:54 pm
That has gone on to win a pennant has ever looked this bad during the regular season.
Not that I can remember, at least.
Can anybody find an example?
I can think of one team. Of course, it was fiction.
Drink lots and lots of me and you’ll feel just fine. Actually just watch the news for about 5 minutes today if you want to think about how petty all of your “suffering” is.
Did you see us play last night?
Carpenter pitched a 3 hitter, Vasquez was just as good.
We executed a perfect suicide squeeze play to win the game…
That was good baseball.
We do it every day….
If you really want to lose hope in the cubs, watch our games for a week.
Sorry, Cardinals, many Cubs fans were forced to watch us after the rainout. We probably pissed off more northsiders than you did with our fairly consistent offense, solid starting pitching, and excellent bullpen.
Oh yeah, our brooding former superstar is slugging over .700 this year. Well, see ya in October.
As three haulers truck me out to the landfills by Joliet, I wonder if it was worth it.
I mean, my demise.
Over a stupid ball club. Over a GM too wrapped up in his own work to deal, a manager too wrapped up in his own reputation to adjust, and players too wrapped up in the commas on their paychecks to care.
In the meantime, does anyone else smell rancid chicken soup?
Dear White Sox,
Cub fans hate us and are only mildly annoyed with you. Why are you always trying to pretend that you actually matter to a Cubs fan.
Intrepid Reader: whiskey, wine and beer
July 7th, 2005 at 3:27 pm
Drink lots and lots of me and you’ll feel just fine.
Two steps ahead of ya. Hopefully you guys’ cousin pot will return my call and by the third inning of game two I’ll be downing Blue Curacao through a funnel with Randall Simon and in my mind I’ll be seeing inning four of game six of the 2003 NLCS.
Can’t wait.
I have pretty much the same atmosphere as the cubs clubhouse at turner field right now.
Boston just designated Jay Payton for assignment, possibly for a trade with Oakland according to Rotoworld.com. If this is so, Kotsay could be on the move soon. Where to? I’d take a retarded version of Ray Charles over Patterson right now, even though I’m really pulling for him. I’d also like to see Austin Kearns in blue pin stripes.
My ears are burning…um maybe it’s because they are so big, not cus you guys are talking about me.
That’s nothing a makeover on Oprah can’t fix…is that Oprah’s first mention on desipio? Maybe we should send her a prize…like shit in a bag.
It better be expensive French made shit, or something like that.
Yeah, because we common people have to use our own shit, whereas Oprah gets hers imported at a rate of $500 an ounce. Stupid Hollywood…
Well, what’s going on with the Cubs? Something must seriously be wrong when we can’t even bet on Prior being solid. There need to be changes. Andy’s column the other day made lots of sense. E-Ramis and D-Lee’s shoulders are really hurtin’ from carrying the team…we need more help. Hendry’s a wiz at making trades that matter, but I think he’s waiting a little to long. However, I do understand that other teams might not be willing to “sell” just yet.
Um…Adam…Have you uh, you know…seen us play lately ?
How about me for your future ?
OK dudes lineup for game two starts with the speed demons Neifi and Macais. You might be worried about their lack of ability but dude we got Todd Walker protecting them and hitting third. Next we got Aramis then Holly just behind him. Next we have a couple more whities Jeromy and Barrett followed by Corey.
Ron Santo: Alright, sounds like a winner! Let’s go get em!
What about all of your top tier prospects, Zambrano and a bunch of cash for us ?
I love you Dusty. You are the tops in my book. Just like my new buddy, Wild Bill Holden…in case you hadn’t heard, he walked all the way from Arizona, because of the movie that my son Jeff directed.
That’s right Ronny, that movie is called This Old Cub, and it is very entertaining. Even more entertaining than the Square D out of town scoreboard!!! You can purchase This Old Cub on DVD…available now.
HEY MORANS, TRY AND WIN A GAME!
(It can’t hurt to try and recapture the Rally Carp magic, right?)
that not even the Rally Carp can bring this team out of the cellar. Dark days ahead…dark days indeed.
Am I possible in half a year
Way to swing at those first pitches guys! Gotta stay aggressive!
Fear us!
How ’bout this? You guys can start off with a 2-0 count, bat in any order you want and you can have a DH. Will that make it more fair?
I’m needed to put some sense into “1st pitch hackers”
“The 2005 Cubs: Quickly On Our Way To Becoming A Punchline” Unbelievable…I give up.
That’s why I’m in there boys.
Via cubs.com notes on the day game:
The end result is you have to continue to swing the bats,” he said. “The one thing that can start to creep in is taking a lot of pitches you should be swinging at, doubting yourself — that’s the stuff that can start to happen now.
“People have their own approaches,” he said, “but you saw a little bit of that today. [Atlanta starter Horacio Ramirez] is pumping it right in there, and we’re taking it. We get behind in the count. My deal is when you’re behind in the count, it’s much tougher to hit than even an 0-0 pitch, which I feel is a hitter’s count.”
If you’re constipated, I find that constant motion works pretty good at loosening the fecal matter.
That’s nice, Todd, but you actually have a decent approach at the plate. What the media SHOULD do for these post-game wrapup articles is go talk to sucky guys like me and have us explain why we’re swinging at every shitty pitch.
thanks leo, shitting myself as I type.
Come on…you didn’t actually think we were gonna win, did you ?
this Cubs team is, yes ?
We’re here bitches!
One thing we’ve seen is a lot of awful Cubs teams, but this one, this is just purely embarrassing.
Apparently it is hard to win a game with only 2 decent major league players in the entire lineup.
SELL-SELL-SELL-SELL-SELL-SELL-SELL-SELL
SELL-SELL-SELL-SELL-SELL-SELL-SELL-SELL
SELL-SELL-SELL-SELL-SELL-SELL-SELL-SELL
SELL-SELL-SELL-SELL-SELL-SELL-SELL-SELL
SELL-SELL-SELL-SELL-SELL-SELL-SELL-SELL
SELL-SELL-SELL-SELL-SELL-SELL-SELL-SELL
SELL-SELL-SELL-SELL-SELL-SELL-SELL-SELL
SELL-SELL-SELL-SELL-SELL-SELL-SELL-SELL
Dusty must be glad he used me in the first game after it was lost. Guess he was planning on using the superior Roberto Novoa in the 8th all along.
see you in iowa!
i’m with you, korey! can i get the window seat?
Does Korey sent down to Iowa constitute a Baker Basher appearance? The world waits………………..