Pitching matchup:
Pirates: Josh Fogg 4-4, 4.30 ERA
Cubs: Kerry Wood 2-2, 4.80 ERA
Lineups
Pirates (38-49)
Matt Lawton, rf
Freddy Sanchez, 3b
Jason Bay, cf
Craig A. Wilson, lf
DarylE-3 Ward, 1b
Jose Castillo, 2b
Ryan Doumit, c (Oh, THE Ryan Doumit?)
Jack “Buckteeth” Wilson, ss
Josh Foggggg, p
Cubs (44-44)
Jerry the Lesser, cf
Todd Walker, 2b
The MVP, 1b
Jeromy Burnitz, rf
E-ramis, 3b
Gene Wilder, lf
Neifi!, ss
Michael Barrett, c
Kerry Wood, p
I’ll be interviewed by Ron Santo momentarily.
Uh, Hank, sorry to break it to you, but actually it’s me who will be doing the interviewing. Let down, I know.
Did you all hear what just came out of my mouth?
Yep.
Why does Dusty have to change all the time?? Look I worked out prettywell in Florida. Was that the away from Wrigley line-up?
“The Ron Santo, Ernie Banks, Billy Williams Basket”…I really hope I was joking, because if I was serious, I need to be fired immediately. I am so damn worthless, it’s not even funny.
If I wasn’t retarded, I might have caught that.
What just came out of me? Dog crap?
By the way…I’m not retarded…I just have diabetes….
Read #6. And then you will see, that something worse than dog crap came out of you.
Hey, I’m not so bad. Which would you rather have come out of Dusty’s mouth, me, or “Macias, you’re at third today?”
…when the general public fails to nail Morgan’s fat ass to the wall for his malicious and, more significantly, inaccurate “Banks Blvd.” comment.
Now it’s spreading.
ein gonna go eat a grayfroot or sonthin. Mr. Andy Masur make me ungry.
Have you guys seen the “Frank Chance Foul Pole”?
What? Frank Chance never played in Wrigley? The Cubs played at “West Side Grounds” near Polk & Wolcott streets near what-is-now the UIC campus? Ahhh, who cares? I’m Joe Morgan. I get a pass.
Have you guys noticed the Cap Anson Dugout Rail, by the way?
hey #10 I was being created as #6 was being posted.
Maybe someone could send something to me this afternoon, asking Ronnie if he caught what Dusty was saying about him (along with Billy and Ernie). My existence would be complete if I could deliver such a message that would likely draw expletives from Ron Santo.
What’s the fax #? I’ll fire something off.
And has anyone seen Ronny Cedeno lately? I wonder whatever happened to that guy.
Hey….when did I get traded to the Cubs? The lineup above says the MVP is batting 3rd and playing first base.
Mike, you could use me:
thepatandronshow@comcast.net
Was I in my cheek when Dusty made that comment?
BRAVE!
BRAVE!
On espn news, I just said that A.J. Burnett and Mike Lowell for Contreras, Marte, and a prospect looks likely.
Not sure if you all heard me.. BRAVE!!
I’m organizing Dusty’s tackle box in the clubhouse right now.
Don’t worry Cubs, I pitch like a goddamn fat ballerina. No zip, the only curve I have in in my ass, and I like to only pitch 5 or so innings before taking a nice warm shower. That’s my favorite part about playing baseball – taking a shower before anyone else in the dugout.
I hit 52 HRs at Wrigley Field after the basket was installed.
I believe Mike Schmidt hit more HRs at a basketed Wrigley
Al Yellon is a sucker.
I go the ballpark every home and day game, take batting practice with greats like DLee, meet future HOF like Maddux, get great field level seats, and I get paid to do it.
I love Wayne Messner (it’s a very manly love, rest assured). Anyhoo, in college I worked in a speech-therapy lab doing data entry for some extra cash. I got to see the results of Mr. Messner’s initial video fluoroscopy (ie, “swallow study”) after he was shot, and the fact that he’s able to sing again after getting his throat ripped apart by a bullet is amazing.
OK, now play ball.
Mute.
Obviously not that much. It’s “Messmer”.
Or something.
Guh.
Gene Wilder, lf
Now that I am back in existance, (in name at least), I should bring back Messmer so people can hear his great rendition of “Oh, Canada.” The Expos moved you know.
I hit 88 HRs at Wrigley after the basket was installed. Ernie hit 9. That’s 149 home runs. out of a combined 1,280 homers between the three of us (11.6 percent)
If I’m Gene Wilder..Can Jose Macias be my Oompa Loompa?
That punk who shot Messmer? He was supposed to have killed him.
See, I was trying to send a message to Messmer after he took the executive posiiton with the Wolves. Trying to embarass ME like that. Who the hell does that choirboy think he is, anyway?
How pathetic is it that the best singer of our national anthem is from Chicago and not Calgary, Winnipeg or Moose Jaw>
I’M your oompa-loompa, Todd. I just need to be LESS orange.
Hi Dollar Bill,
Which Hit man was that. We want to make sure we get a “decent” hitman when we go after you.
Yawn.
What time does game start today, anyway?
Could Mike D’s e-mail work me up in a lather? I hope he posts it here in case I fail to read it in between promos for this, uhh, movie, that uhh, my ummm son worked on.
I would of occured if not for E-ramis
I love to make errors on balls hit right at me.
I’m an All Star!!
I actually occured.
Aramis, you might be a Very Good Player, but you’re no all-star.
hey I’m great!!
We’ll have an 846-post day.
From: Mike Donohue
To: ‘thepatandronshow@comcast.net’
Subject: For Ronny
Sent: Fri 7/15/2005 1:21 PM
I am a long time listener to the WGN broadcasts. This, however, is the first time I’ve written to Pat & Ron.
–mad
Ron,
Why did you allow Dusty Baker to propagate the myth that Joe Morgan perpetuated during the Sunday night Cubs-Red Sox game, when Morgan referred to the basket in Left Field as “Banks Boulevard� I’m just wondering because I’ve been under the assumption that you are a prideful individual and, being prideful, that you would be offended by Dusty Baker alluding to Todd Walker’s barely-clearing-the-wall shot yesterday as having fallen into “Banks/Williams/Santo†Boulevard.
Instead, you just laughed and allowed Dusty to make a monkey out of you.
The basket was built in 1970. By then, you, Banks and Williams had already hit at least 95% of your Wrigley Field career home runs. So not only is this insidious reference to the outfield basket malicious, but entirely inaccurate.
Stand up for yourself, Santo!
Regards,
Mike Donohue
Watch This Old Cub tomorrow on WGN
why the hell do i always slide head first into first base?
Boy, I am fucking dumb. Who slides into first base?
At this pace, I willl throw a 36 pitch complete game
You woulda been safe if you hadn’t slid.
Slid?
Slided?
I’m very good.
Good thing they’re taking pitches.
Where did I go?
What? You can run THROUGH first base?
What are you going to tell me next? That you can advance a base on a flyout? Pshaw!
I can probably go more than 5 if I’m at 20 pitches.
It’s Josh Fogg guys not Cy Young!!
From: Chuck
To: ‘thepatandronshow@comcast.net’
Subject: Pregame show 7/15/05
Sent: Fri 7/15/2005
Gents:
When Dusty made his, “The Ron Santo, Ernie Banks, Billy Williams Basket” comment today, he sure seemed to be perpetuating a falsehood started by Joe Morgan. Several weeks ago, Morgan implied that Ernie Banks got a lot of cheap homers into the basket. There’s a problem with that line of thinking.
Ernie retired in 1971.
The basket went up in 1970.
Ernie hit exactly 15 homers after opening day 1970. He hit 497 before then.
We know that his 500th homer didn’t hit the basket, we’ve seen that a ton. So he hit 14 homers in his entire career that even could have landed in the basket.
I hope Dusty was kidding. If not, he’s perpetuating a lie started by noted Cub-disparager, Joe Morgan. Please set the record straight.
Best Regards,
Chuck
At this rate, Josh Fogg will have me if he goes the distance.
burnitz will win me now
I am on the DL. Ben Grieve was called up
“For Ronny”
Dear Chuck and Mike,
Blahhhhh argggggg mfffuuuuuuf rrrrrrr ummmmmmmmmm. Guuuuuuhhh eeehhhnnn uhhhhhh, uhhhhh, fax. Ahhhh gguuuurrrrrgggglllleeeeeee ummmm. Blugg.
I threw a 20 K game once
Hey, be fair on the pitch count, it’s not like we want to Fogg out of the game.
Desipiots should start me today.
Flood that goddamn e-mail box. Slap these guys in the face with angry e-mails. They should stop acting like Chip when Al Hrabosky would pants him on the air. Have some rpide, Santo.
Should have been “For Ronny, With Love”
Only “love” is the last thing I feel for Santo when I listen to him stomp all over a broadcast.
If I had interviewed Dusty Baker when he said that, I’d have beaten him with my ash-tray accessorized pegleg.
Who the fuck is Jose Castillo?
Te lo dije, tu Krissy Wood ya no pitchea bien.
JL, TW, and MVLee can eat my shorts.
Got a reply.
“This is an Automatic Reply from ThePatandRonShow@comcast.net
Thanks for writing to Pat Hughes & Ron Santo in the Cubs Radio Booth. Due to the abundant quantity of daily emails it is not possible to respond to everyone individually. However, we appreciate your time spent in composing your questions & comments. Your email may be read on the air during today’s game or in a future broadcast.
Thanks for listening to Ron & Pat on The Cubs Radio Network & for following the game with Comcast High-Speed Internet. Check out http://www.comcast.com for the latest offer!
If you are with the Media & are attempting to reach Pat & Ron: please contact WGN Radio @ 312-222-4700.
All other questions regarding this email should be directed to Comcast, Customer Service, 2001 York Rd., Oak Brook, IL 60523, or visit http://www.comcast.com/ContactUs/customerservice.asp.”
In other words, “Thanks for writing. If Pat runs out toilet tissue in the 7th inning, your steaming pile will help him clean up his”
Does that mean I look like Gene Wilder, too?
Runner in scoring position, one out. We know what happens now, right? Gene Wilder pops out weakly, followed by Neifi doing the same…
Looks like I’m starting the second half like I started the first half. You guys like how I hit to the left side with Burnitz on 2nd w/nobody out?
I’m about to be wasted.
0 for 11 and going.
I’m hot! Must be because I’m white.
I just earned my ! back, I think.
Maybe not.
I want my ! back.
Yeah, bitches!!
Only half right Morpheus (thank goodness)
No Fogg today in Chicago HEHE
Neifi appears to think the season has started over too.
Santo just said that Barret has “a little hole in his left groin”
I have no idea.
I’m always glad to be proven wrong in that situation… thatnks Neifi, but I still think you should be riding pine so Ronny can play…
Can’t have no rookies in there, clogging up them bases. Holly Dude, keep trucking dude, hit one into the Santo/Banks/Williams Basket, bro.
Sorrell Booke could hit off me.
Morpheus,
Or, at the very least, and in spite of his 3 hits the last two days, any lineup construction that has Perez 7th and Barrett 8th is folly.
Yes, but Dusty’s lineups have nothing to do with, uh, non-folly? Is that a word?
We are the only things ever read by ron santo
THAT PLAY WENT OUT WITH HIGH-BUTTONED SHOES!
Did you call me Mike D.?
My MLB Gameday says that Wood tried to bunt with two outs and runners on first and third. Is that right?
I hit better than I pitch.
Why don’t we play left field on our days off?
Now that I’ve turned the game around with my bat, allow me to walk the pitcher to lead off the next inning.
Wood, helping his own cause…
Time to warm us up.
In my day, they called AstroTurf “Asshole Turf” after the guy on Houston who made it to the Hall of Fame because of all those true hops, Joe Morgan.
I hit that ball real hard. I throw real hard. I do everything real hard.
Just ask Sarah.
Uh, Kerry, that wasn’t what you said last night.
Fog pun? How about if I ask about the visibility instead? Close enough?
How can I hang out at Desipio and not know about Gamecasts? I’m having a hell of a time talking to myself right now on the messageboard (click on my name).
I make Mr. Fog tired
What Josh Fogg is now on pace to throw in a compete game.
Don’t sweat it, cubsfaninfla. It’sjust because you’re a dumbass.
You’re still better off than Santo.
I thought Hughes said “a little pull”.
That’s because you’re a dipshit. We all know this.
Since Fogg’s thrown one complete game in his career, I’m going to guess that he doesn’t go the distance in this one.
For Mr. Fogg to throw a 36 pitch complete game, I am the number of pitches per batter that he will need to throw
I am cracking up Thorne and Phillips right now…good lord are they geeks.
Hey! Strike one on pitch one is pretty cool!
Routine fly to Hairston….
You know, somtimes I can look pretty good–like this inning.
40 pitches through three. Not great, but not horrible, especially conidering that ARam’s error drove the count up by 5 pitches.
Hey–
Do those asswipe Sox fans hang out here during Gamecasts? Because now would be a good reminder of how bad their GM is.
Today, in front of MVLee, we have gone 0 for 4 while seeing 10 pitches.
Apparently I said that protection in the order is “a big myth.”
In other words, Dusty can kiss my ass.
Guh, here’s the This Old Cub promo.
Fluctuation in batting average decreases as the number of at bats increase.
Bet you didn’t know that. You’re welcome.
I’d be waiting tables in West Hollywood if my dad wasn’t an ex-player and his story wasn’t so filled to the brim with pathos.
I’d be waiting tables in West Hollywood if my dad wasn’t an ex-player and his story wasn’t so filled to the brim with pathos.
GIPD, please. I don’t want to be 0-12.
West Hollywood wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!
Did you know that I hit 9 homers at Wrigley Field after 1970? That’s as many as Ernie did.
See that Bobby Hill? Eat me.
I can end the game right here.
Bitches
I did.
You’re supposed to beat the Pirates like me.
Michelle Wie lost in the Publinx so she won’t be at the Masters. Damn! No one will care about me again this year.
That homerun just missed Banks Blvd., one of Wrigley Stadium’s most historic features.
Shit. Why me?
The worms, larvae and bugs have been going at me pretty good. I figure I have only about 16 to 20 days, tops, in this landfill. I’ve already lost 100 ugly pounds! Who knew? Shoulda done this sooner.
It’s nice to see only Cub fans posting today on the GameCast.
Once I was a Pirate
A bold and savage Pirate
I flew the skull and cross bones
And stepped upon the deck…
I might have been a parrot
A gay Brazilian parrot
If someone hadn’t wakened me
And pulle me out of bed!
See you tomorrow!See you tomorrow!See you tomorrow!See you tomorrow!See you tomorrow!See you tomorrow!See you tomorrow!See you tomorrow!See you tomorrow!See you tomorrow!See you tomorrow!See you tomorrow!See you tomorrow!See you tomorrow!See you tomorrow!See you tomorrow!
If you heard the comments from before this game and didn’t know who authored this Revisionist history, you’d think it was the work of Goebbel’s misinformation machine, Pravda newspaper, or a character in a George Orwell novel.
Now what the fuck am I doing in the WGN booth?
It’s nice to see the team hit. Was the Great Corey Patterson really fucking up the offense that badly by himself? It was his aura, wasn’t it?
Hey, Slothy. I see that Sloth-fave Rachel McAdams is in the new titty comedy. Perhaps?
Hi there Mr. Sloth’s carcass…. may I remind you that the Cubs are hitting off me today?
I’m hoping someone can help me out on something…
In the story linked in the Dose about Len and Bob in the booth, there is a quote from Len saying he was the third person contacted for the job.
O’Brien from the Mets I remember was one of the guys the Cubs wanted, but I don’t recall the other… Does somebody know/remember who else the Cubs might have gotten in touch with?
I saw a bootleg copy of Wedding Crashers. Lots and lots and lots of tits.
Thom Brennaman was rumored.
I believe it was me, BeeCee.
I’m hoping someone can help me out on something…
In the story linked in the Dose about Len and Bob in the booth, there is a quote from Len saying he was the third person contacted for the job.
O’Brien from the Mets I remember was one of the guys the Cubs wanted, but I don’t recall the other… Does somebody know/remember who else the Cubs might have gotten in touch with?
BeeCee, I was the second man contacted, but they backed off when they wouldn’t offer me enough money. They had no idea how much I was worth. They hadn’t heard me call 100 games.
It might have been me, but I went to the Dodgers.
I repeat…
Steiner is …. not that good. Or maybe it’s because the other p-b-p announcer is THAT good that Steiner looks bad.
Oops… Sorry for the double post.
Now back to your regularly scheduled Desipio Cubs Live! GameCast.
No if you’ll excuse me, I have to get back to my fruit buzz. These McDonalds salads aren’t half bad.
I’m hoping someone can help me out on something…
I’m a dumbass for posting twice. Several minutes apart.
Does somebody know/remember how the internet works?
1) Why did Mulletsworth say ‘why me?’
2) What’s Tricky-Dick Durbin saying in the booth?
I’ve heard that even we are made of pherret entrails.
Who would you rather listen to during the World Series, me or the lucky sperm winner?
If Kerry keeps this up, you Wood Bashers are going to have miles of me to smoke.
I’m not saying anything yet, fine morpheus, but Ron announced that I was standing right behind him in the booth. One could assume that I am going to say something stoopid like only a political hack of my order can do.
I might eat Gary Miller.
I was supposedly also on that last.
Yeah, you Wood Bashers better smoke up, Johnny. Because here I come.
Again.
Just a matter of time… and Dustiny…
What the hell is a pherret?
Indiana grows the best tomatoes on the planet. Period.
Did someone say political hack?
I think they did.
No more poles will be smoked. I already released Borowski, remember?
Why, this baseball thing is so much more exciting than our pussified “Football.” Hell, the other sport they used to play here “football” is much better than our pussified Football.
Tell Nomar’s uncle they’re toast tomorrow.,
I’m coming from a guy who is jonesing for a “fruit buzz”?
Faux,
On my screen after I hit “submit comment” the first time the screen did not change, so after a minute or so of waiting I hit “sumbit comment” again. The screen then changed, but the two comments were on here after that…
I’m sorry that the computer I am using didn’t change after I hit “submit comment” the first time, OK???
Keep on bashin’ baby. You sure have a purty mouth!
65% iceberg, 35% romaine lettuce, the secret to any good salad. Can’t be aged more than 6 days or it goes limp.
Yes, Peter Fitzgerald, they said political hack, but you’re not invited to our club. You might be real conservative, but you’re not big on crooks in government, which makes you useless to us, as well as the Daley machine.
Never said I wasn’t an idiot…
No really. Jose Castillo?
No, not OK. Faux you.
I’m making Jose Castillo look line an MVP.
Luckily Im makink all the other Pirates look like, well, Pirates.
There was no indignation over the mispelling, I was just wondering what the hell you were talking about. I am indignant over your wrongfully accusing me of “jonesing for a fruit buzz”, however.
I have produced an embarrasingly high number of political hacks, haven’t I? Geez.
Sorry we don’t have a $100 million payroll, guys.
What the fuck is a Fruit Buzz? Is that why Greenberg went on the DL?
I just said something to this effect “It’s usually like that. One guy usually gets all the hits, if it’s 3, or 2, or 1.”
Neither do we, if you only count the money for our players in our uniforms.
Slightly fewer than us.
Signed,
Al Dimato
Jim Wright
All the Tafts since Howard
I need to become good again before Nomar comes back
I am above hackery. I haven’t done anything and everyone loves me!
Correlation? Nah!
Don’t forget us.
Time for sum Akshun!
Hey Cub fans remember me?
Just wanted to let you know that you guys are goddamn lucky to be avoiding the great Dave Williams this weekend.
I’m sensing a pattern here. Could it be that most politicians are hacks because they possess no real useful skills, which is the reason most of them go into politics in the first place?
I will end as soon as Jesse Jr. and Luis Guitierrez run for mayor, and I have to endorse him or Luis over Mayor Daley.
I almost was crucified for running for Congress against Bobby Rush, remember?
This is the pace KW is on
Every so often, I like to change things up a bit. I’ll feel real naughty and I’ll go out and get myself some feta, anchovies, and olives…and then, Vwalla, you have a scrumpscious, yet filling Grrek Salad. Accept no substitutes, boys.
Hacks? I hate politicians. Elected officials are all morans.
Hey Paul,
I liked how you said I’m a real “wild card” for the Cardinals rotation. Wild Card? Get it! heh heh heh.
Uh, Paul, my Dad is walking through the parking lot of my minor league ballpark. Better call 911.
Am I still on the Board at the Trib?
I was robbed…robbed I tells ya.
I’m well on my way to my goal of being Randall Simon.
I was interviewed on Fanboy and Waddle’s Sports Central on WGN during the offseason and I, too, referred to Ankiel as the “wild card” Instead of busting me over it, however, Fanboy just let it go. UI mean, I broadcast cardinals games. How could I commit to such a grievously poor-timed pun?
I was interviewed on Fanboy and Waddle’s Sports Central on WGN during the offseason and I, too, referred to Ankiel as the “wild card” Instead of busting me over it, however, Fanboy just let it go. I mean, I broadcast cardinals games. How could I commit to such a grievously poor-timed pun?
Evidently, Apex didn’treally type me.
No, Don, you can’t be on any boards and be a high-ranking cabinet official. People like to think I own Halliburton stock, and am on the board of every oil company under the sun, but they’re wrong.
By the way, Don, did you know that you and I are both Cubs fans?
Does anybody know what ever happened to me? Where am I? Am I retireed? Am I in AAA somewhere?
Hey Dick,
I’m Cubs fan too..Does that scare you?
I claim to root for both Michigan and Michigan State. It is a swing state you know
Dick and Don. You are both in my fan club.
With Hillary.
Chuck, are you still on the board? Rumor has it you got busted as part of a federal probe investigating the fixing of school soap contracts for Ecolab.
Senator Clinton,
Sorry, but you sold your soul to us when you decided to become a Yankees fan.
I am a cowardly assbag, just like 99% of the world’s politicians.
heh
Come on, everyone knows Hillary! is a Yankee fan. Right? At least, that’s what she claimed to be when running for Senate there.
Dick, I think you’re confusing your pulling for both teams to my telling Ohioans “Go Wolverines” (or was it telling Michiganders “Go Buckeyes!”)…
Do you think that’s why I lost Ohio.
Hi
I didn’t think I was on the board anymore. Great to see so many Republicans still pulling for the Cubs. The rich will prevail, you’ll see.
Don’t insult us by calling Dick Cheney one of us.
Do I still have a pulse? Sloth, do you see me anywhere?
How lucky is it that I decided to check out a Gamecast today? When we’re done with this, can we talk about the Buffalo Bills for a while?
I also a reason that Kerry lost my state
let’s talk trade rumors.
Why are we talking about hacks, and no one’s talking about me? Or am I just way past hack status?
How’s this for a wing state?
Apex and a massive taco salad-for Yet Another Sox Fan.
I am secretly a cardinal fan
Did somebody say trade talk?
My sources are telling me Bobby Hill is going to the Nats for Brendan Harris.
You mean like that?
Anybody looking for details from the game on me is S.O.L.
I’m the reason no one talks about you, Georgie-boy. I’m a political genius.
If people were talking about you, you would have never been elected President. Once.
I’m not here. I just got led away in handcuffs.
I have learned to speak bee.
Cubs are down 8-0. Wood only lasted 1 2/3 innings.
I’ve seen that Cheney picture before, but never noticed the little girl siting a mere foot-and-a-half in front of his turgid wang.
If I owned the Cubs, the team would be the biggest disaster since the Titanic.
Oh, and by the way, Hillary… Lesbo CIA Agent (but you didn’t hear it from me).
Hey guys, why don’t we get back to the game, huh? Gosh, this is getting old, now where’s my tongs?
That guy’s holding a steak. I haven’t had one in years. Seeing one is getting me aroused.
Shit! That’ll cause my heart to stop!
You can’t be a worse disaster than the 40 years that I was leading them through the desert, Mark
Anybody else think that Hank looked like Jango Fett?
I didn’t know he could really speak fluent English.
AKA the President of Myanmar.
Dick Chaney has a boner and he’s talking to a guy! That faggot!
I know every language there is. I’m Commander Hank White STSP.
Don’t be silly, Karl. It’s not that farfetched to suggest that I may have leaked Valerie’s name to the press.
Cheney probably cums in his pants whenever he inks a multi-million dollar oil deal.
Why do I exist?
Dick is gay? Maybe he can relocate to Boston with me! Please! Please! Please! Please!
I haven’t seen the Sausage Beater, but I am bumping up next to a whole pile of Ecolab hand soap. Thank God, too, I was starting to ripen up a bit.
Alow me, # 226.
Cubs are up 6-1, bottom of the sixth.
Wood’s faced three over the minimum–two hits no walks–and has only thrown 74 pitches thru 6 innings. He also hit the go-ahead two-out, two-run double in the second. Ramirez added a three run jack.
Happy?
Do you hear the footsteps
These diversionary posts are the kind of claptrap people think up when they’re fat and sassy, their team is on an impressive winning streak, and all the lineup holes have been filled.
Or, something to that effect.
7-1. Stop waiving the crowd, Mike!
Can you feel me yet?
7-1 Cubs after Neifi! strikes again.
And Neifi is having an MVP type game as well
Yeah, everybody leaves me now.
Shit. Hey Murton, you got another one of those seat cushions?
We might as well be glad for Neifi becoming Neifi!, even if it is only for two weeks. If Dusty ain’t going to play Ron Ce anyway, let’s hope he pulls another 2-week stretch out of his ass. This way, by the time he regresses again, Nomar should be just about ready.
Hank needs a C on his uniform… for Commander.
I actually recorded the game yesterday. Had a feeling that Prior & Hank were gonna combine for a no-hitter for some reason. I got the next best thing, Hank’s de-briefing about the state of the Cubs under his command.
Dude, Holly and Neifi are getting hot! Those rookies won’t ever get to play again… they have to produce at the same imaginary high levels of Holly and Neifi.
That walk to Barret will haunt me, I suspect.
Yeah 255, cuz I was tearing it up.
Hollandsworth, you pussy! I could have tied Ramirez with 3 RBI today.
I’m a pussy.
Sabermatics, that might be useful
My groin I mean, I stunk at the plate and in the field.
Wait a second, wasn’t I advocating Nomar to left?
Are you for real, #259? Cause if you are, I want what you’re smoking.
Aw, shit. The guy the Cubs got for me has more grand slams than I do, buddy.
Holy shit, did you see that? I hit a granny!!!
Actually, I have been advocating Nomar for left field, but nobody else seems to think it’s reasonable. I’m merely resigning myself to having Mr. Hamm at short.
That ought to buy me what… 6, 7 errors?
If you fuckers ever call me li’l Jerry again, I’ll rip out your throats.
Can we put 10 up on the board against Pittsburgh?
I must be malfunctioning. I am reporting that Jerry hit a grand slam.
Dusty Baker… please pick up the white curtesy phone.
Inside the park dinger?
Say all you want, but I’m a gamer.
Maybe not.
This game has become me.
I love to see my team crush the weak into a fine paste.
Dusty told me that I shouldn’t make contact when the bases are clogged.
This goddamn ivory!!!!!!!!!!
Mike.
You’re reasonable.
Well, abotu Nomar for LF.
They’re leaving me to rot out here
Lost in the vines?
It’s now safe to stop watching the game and look at me.
Cubs winning % w/ Corey: .476
w/o Corey: 1.000
Answer to # 282.
#277
Ironically, a pirate is a type of insurgency, something that you have no idea of how to crush
Check out my #1 sites:
mysistershotfriend.com
myfirstsexteacher.com
Christ on a fuckin’ bike…
Chuck,
The problem is that it’s easier to deal for a LF than it is a SS.
If Nomar plays LF, then you still need to go out and get an everyday SS.
If he goes back to short and has more range than a pregnant panda bear, than you’ll need to get a LF.
Hardcore pot smokers love my pipe accessories.
THIS ISN’T OVER UNTIL WE SAY IT IS!
Okay, it’s over.
So Hank White is the only one who can call a good game, eh?
%#@$ers.
Mike:
I got no prob with:
Hairston CF
Walekr 2b
Lee 1b
Burnitz RF
A Ram 3B
Nomar LF
Barrett C
Niefi / Cedeno SS
Only 1 auto-out.
Bookworm Bitches, not as good as My Sister’s Hot Friend, but on the level of Milfhunter or Bangbus.
We all have hits.
#286
Not ironically, just as with the Tribune, we up top get even more rich whether we’re victorious or not.
OK, so he hit Grand Slam. But is he a Gladiator? Is he prepared every day for combat? I no think so.
I’m gone.
Tell the truth… if the choice were to bone us all, or kick us all in our respective throats, you’d have to flip a coin, wouldn’t you?
Wow. Dusty pulled his pitcher?
SMART MANAGING???
IT’S THE BIG ONE, ELIZABETH!!!
So, Dusty you pull Wood after only 75 pitches. I’ll just have to get more RsBI next outing.
For fcks sake y’all got a lot of nothing to say.
Chuck,
I’d put Nomar 3rd and push everybody back one.
Jerry The Lesser
Mr. Microphone
Mr. Hamm
MVLee
ARam
Beer Nutz
Barrett
Neifi!
I’ve gone from Bad-to-Wuertz-to-Good-to-Laddie Renfrow.
All of a sudden I can’t find my ass with both hands. What happened to me?
Mr. Microphone? You mean me?
I don’t want Nomar third until I see him hit over .250
Well Chip, you do talk alot too, but he’s referring to me.
Hey, you gotta be careful with Jose Castillo.
If we’re lucky, a microphone will be the weapon.
The visitor’s broadcast booth at Wrigley will be the scene.
Naturally, you’ll be the victim.
The date? Monday, August 22nd.
Yeah gang, 302 is right. Let’s turn this thing around.
There it is! No that was Daryl’s. Shit! I know it’s around here somewhere.
I own Cubs pitching!!
I’m good for nothing but imitating my betters. I should be quiet and drink my beer like the little bitch I obviously am.
How come I have no fucking nickname. WTF do I need to do
Drinking beer makes you a bitch, eating salads makes you a man. Grrrr!!!
Couldn’t think of one, Mikey.
“Jose [Macias] is a good guy to have on the team”
yeah.. and you’re a good guy to have on the radio. dumbass.
Michael, your nickname is The Redass.
So, Corey was all that was holding L’il Jerry back? Dickie Dunn wrote it, so it must be true.
I just said the gremlin was very valuable to have around.
Well Sloth, I was trying to catch the spirit of the thing.
Did I need to leave so I could take a nap?
There was the ‘weak pop-up’ that I was expecting from Hollandsworth… it was just a little late.
Andy once used me for Barrett’s nickname.
Jerry the Lesser now has me.
Sammy doesn’t.
I thought about calling him red-ass, but he’s seemed to have cooled down a bit after he realized that his poorly-timed display of red-assedness helped galvanize the ‘Stros last year.
Hi, I’m Mark Prior. I was complete stoned when I taped that commercial for WGN radio. Thank you.
Here comes Billy Bob… the Pirates now have a chance…
Isn’t time to roll out some new neighborhoods
Are you saying Sammy never hit a granny at Wrigley??
Sammy hit me once at wrigley.
I’m not joking. And don’t call me Shirley.
With the bases loaded, I was trying to do the little things to get at least one run in
What is it?
My Granny is Cindy Sandberg? Who knew?
I don’t suppose Murton’s going to get into this game?
The Cubs are me after leaving Yankee Stadium
What is it?
OK, BC, we get that your computer is hanging.
Maybe it has a drinking problem.
Pat, my ears started burning. Did somebody say something about Ernie, Billy Williams, and myself or is my toupee on fire again?
Mike D. I just read your e-mail to Pat and Ron and if Andy Mazur’s the one who screens them, you lost him a propagate.
I apparently pack like a woman.
I still have not hit an Extra base hit this year
Hey Dusty, I’m one for my last one! Start me over Murton next!
Murton was on deck when Barrett hit into the double play, and Dusty had Grieve lead off the next inning. Dusty will never let Murton bat against a righty, will he?
I throw dees one behind Jerry Harrison! He no hit grand slam against Pissburgh and live to tell the tale!
I throw dees one behind Jerry Harrison! He no hit grand slam against Pissburgh and live to tell the tale!
And even the most hard-hearted skeptic will start to think the Cubs have something going.
Those Pirates, they’re a classy bunch.
Did you see my website?
I had Jose Mesa going to the cubs, Do you think that is still going to happen?
Jose Mesa never overreacts to anything, it’s not like he’s vowed to hit Omar Vizquel every time he faces him, with the full intention of killing him.
Oh, wait. He did say that.
Lloyd’s best game in Cubs’ history.
http://www.retrosheet.org/boxesetc/B05150CHN1989.htm
When the little bar at the bottom of your browser window stops and the page doesn’t reload, click the Stop button and then the Refresh button on your browser.
The page will then reload with precisely one copy of your last post right there at the bottom.
I am a sneaky little dude.
#352… yes. I definitely see that happening.
Whats going on? Did Jerry the Lesser and Joe Table get into it?
Whats going on? Did Jerry the Lesser and Joe Table get into it?
As long as I watch Jerry Hairston, I’ll always have that Marlins fans’ plea ringing in my ears. “Throw a strike! It’s JERRY HAIRSTON! JERRY HAIRSTON!?!?”
Half of MLB wants to beat my face in.
As long as I watch Jerry Hairston, I’ll always have that Marlins fans’ plea ringing in my ears. “Throw a strike! It’s JERRY HAIRSTON! JERRY HAIRSTON!?!?”
Apparently, “How not to double post” even the guy who set this site up is falling victim to it today.
I’m prett sure Sam Me never hit a granny at Wrigley. Remember when he went the first 7 years in his career, setting a record for most at-bats for all current players with none at all? And then he did it in back to back games at teh BOB in ’98. He hit another at Jack Murphy in San Diego in September of that year. He also hit one in Montreal the following April against Miguel Batista. He hit one or two more but I’m 99% certain he never did it at Wrigley.
It’s no surprise as to why I mean, every time he came up with the bases juiced, every Tom, Dick, and Asswipe would stand up on their feet, drooling for Sam Me to make their existences mean something. Chuck was probably flapping his arms for otehrs too join. ;)
Naturally, this only caused Sam Me to squeeze the dust out of his bat and swing for Winnetka.
At least if I give up a 2-run jack to M-V-Lee it won’t matter this time
Remember when I raped a chick in Cleveland and got away with it? Good times.
I better not get hit by Joe Table, or my buddy Adam will be mad!
Or when I blew the Save in Game 7 of the ’97 WS?
Only on 3-2 pitches after a few fouls.
I have a sideview picture of Murton instead of a big C now
I was listening to Pat and Ron while driving home and Ron was in rare form.
When Jose Castillo got his and the Pirates’ second hit of the day Ron said, “That happens all the time. You’re pitching a great game and one guys gets ALL of the hits. Whether it’s three hits or two hits or one hit.”
I agree with Ron, you see it a lot when a pitcher throws a one hitter and one guy had all of the hit.
See my website, and my batting average this year… I could use 18 games against the Cubs to bring it up right now.
They found my picture!! Wait til Greenie hears about this! Which way to the disabled list so i can tell him?
Yeah! Don’t hit my friend ttaM in the daeh.
Can getting hit by a pitch casuse aixelsid?
I had two hits in one at bat yesterday! I could have gotten both hits in a no hitter!
Ron and Pat declined to address me today.
I’m pretty sure today’s starting pitcher can point to you to me, Murtberg.
85 and a half percent of the Cubs’ outfield is caucasian right now.
Have the Cubs been mute, or lucid since June 14?
FYJH! How dare you trade me! I’ll make you pay!
The Cubs have been eliminated since May 6. Unless they make the playoffs.
Musta been me, because it damn sure wasn’t my boy Lucid.
That would be 83.333%.
I still don’t get the Colonel part.
I throw like a girl. Wait, not “like” a girl….
I’m no answer.
I don’t belong here.
Plus I look like a fop.
99.44% of the fans are Caucasian right now
I don’t even get the Blimp part.
Did you try to print your email to pat & ron and fax it to them? That’s always good for a few laughs as ron tries to turn the “Office Max” fax machine on. Or is it the “Home Deopt” fax machine now?
Clap.
Clap.
Clap.
And Woody’s only walked 6 guys in his four outings since coming off the DL (23 2/3 IP). We know Chuck rips on Kerry for having done nothing since ’98, but he was balls-to-the-wall down the stretch in ’03. If he can do that again, everyhting’ll be coming up Millhouse.
Optimism. It’s the real opiate of the masses.
I’ll take a hit.
not funny and out of place
“Everything will be coming up Millhouse.”
I love it… almost as much as the W
Please recap the Mesa/Jerry incident for us. Feel free to embellish liberally.
Santo loves me! Too bad he can’t say my name properly!
I just introduced the radio replay of Hairston’s grand slam on the postgame show by saying, “Grandma, get the mustard out … it’s grand salami time.”
I’m really trying much too hard to make an impression.
Jerry Harston goes and all hits the grand slam, right? Then in his next at bat, Lloyd McClendon brings in his closer Jose Mesa in a 10 run game so that Mesa can bean Hairston in the back. Then, Mesa pulls a Shawn Estes and misses Hairston behind him, prompting the home plate umpire to warn both benches [the pitch itself went down as a wild pitch as Ben Grieve felt free to take second base]. Then Hairston proceeded to hit a fly ball to center. On his way back to the dugout he had a little pediconference with Mesa. Then, as he was going into the dugout, Hairston be all pointing at Mesa being all like “IMA KICK YO ASS, CHUMP!” and Mesa be all like “OH NO YOU AINT!” and then Hairston be all like “YEAH IMA KICK YOU ASS CHUMP!” and then Mesa got thrown out as Hairston retreated to the dugout. Then Lloyd McClendon gets all mad being all like “Yo, blue, how you goin’ teeeeell me that you gonna kick out Mesa like that” which escalated into “DON’T MAKE ME SHANK YOU, UMP!…now, bring on Ryan Vogelsong”. Nobody got their ass kicked, which was sad.
Joe Table threw the ball behind Hairston’s head. After the at-bat, Hairston stopped and turned and had a few words for Joe Table. The ever-affable and congenial Joe Table replied in kind. A lot of yakkety-yak, no fisticuffs.
This is where I come to cry….
the pirates showed they have a little bit of me by throwing at the lesser.
they also showed they are complete $###&$#$ by missing.
Hey Cubs, your streak ends tomorrow. I am a hard throwing lefty that you have never seen. I will strike out 14 of you in 7 or 8 innings and give up no runs.
I am the last time Sloth saw his sack without aid of a mirror.
I give post #396 my full endorsement.
All you Kerry Bashers can now begin sucking me.
Why? Because I have finally learned how to pitch, at 28?
Um, did you see me actually manage the right way yesterday? What the hell is going on?
I made E-Ramis and Lee look downright stupid today. Oh, by the way, I’m only 22 which means I’ll be dominating the Cubs for many years to come.
Dusty is still good.
Losing streaks are just what this team needs!
Not once you become too expensive, Mr. Duke. You’re not going to see any career Pirates any time soon…although that doesn’t mean you won’t have a good 5-6 years to torment the Cubs…but come next decade the Cubs are going to have their way with my rotation again.
Having our thumbs up are ass is fun. Screw looking at upcoming pitchers
We exist?
You mess wid me guys, I put you into de hospital mang. I no like any of you, only winning…winning ees fung, mang.
There has been a lot of me lately.
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