Citing health reasons, Jerry Krause has announced his resignation from his post of general manager of the Chicago Bulls.
“The rigors and stress of the job have caused me some minor physical problems in the past few years,” Krause said in a Bulls news release. “Those problems can be eliminated if I lessen my load for a while and concentrate on overcoming them.”
His resignation opens one of the few genuinely attractive NBA general manager’s jobs. What wannabe GM wouldn’t want to step in and take over a team loaded with young talent like Eddy Curry, Tyson Chandler, Jamal Crawford and Jay Williams? Not only that, but you have a lottery pick in this year’s draft and tradable veterans like Jalen Rose and Eddie Robinson. Plus, a little thing like 20,000 moronic fans every night, six championship banners and America’s premiere sports city.
OK, OK, you twisted my arm. I’ll take it.
Who benefits the least from the change at the top?
Bill Cartwright. Even with Krause around, Cartwright’s hold on the coaching job seemed tenuous. He was the perfect interim coach when Tim Floyd finally went insane and had to leave. But Bill is not a top notch NBA head coach, and this is clearly a team in need of one. A team that’s well coached doesn’t play ten games over .500 at home and thirty-three games under .500 on the road.
When you look at the improvements that Tyson Chandler (huge), Eddy Curry (huger), Jamal Crawford (kind of huge) and Jay Williams (slightly huge) have made since the All-Star break you wonder just what their ceilings would be with a real coaching staff.
Nothing against Cartwright, Pete Myers, Bob Thornton, and Mike Wilhelm, but Bill Berry is the only NBA caliber coach on the staff. That’s one of five! That’s like Jay Williams at the free throw line!
If the new GM is tempted to trade Jalen Rose for a small forward who can actually guard somebody andmake a jump shot; trade Eddie Robinson for any shooting guard better than Trenton Hassell; fire Bill Cartwright and bring in a bona fide NBA head coach like Jeff Van Gundy (egads, did I really say that?) or anyone of that ilk; and then find a taker for that lottery pick (unless its yield was LaBron, Darko or Carmelo–and even then, maybe). The Bulls are not just a playoff contender in 2004, but in the East, they’re a legitimate threat.
Really.
I cannot confirm or deny that I’m leaving the Bulls. That would be either speculation, or, in the event that it’s true, it’d be fact. We’re not getting into rumor or fact right now.
I also cannot confirm or deny that I have actually been the Bulls’ GM for the past 18 years.
Another thing I cannot confirm or deny is the existence of unicorns.
Or dinosaurs.
Or John Stamos.
I’d just like to emphasize that I’m the one who drafted Michael Jordan. Really, it was me.
You can look it up.
No, really, I DID!
Honest to God!
I swear!
Really!
It was ME!
Now that Krause is out, expect me in Chicago by the end of June to resurrect the old role of player/coach. Make room in the raftors by bringing down my retired number for a couple years and replacing it with championship banners. I’ve also cleared it with the league, so we will be getting the #1 pick and taking LeBron to give us a starting five of: Jay Williams, me, LeBron, Curry, and Chandler.
Just a tip.
Don’t forget Pip.
Anon
Can I have a job now? I promise not to do anything illegal and I can still rain bombs. Let me know…
Ok, ok, I’ll take it-
Dear Jerry,
We are so happy you’re lessening the load.
Love,
Your Pants
Indoubidably I will take the position….Cookie and I love the city, the fans, the climate and the casino’s….in any event, if I were to reassign myself from the Wizards to the Bulls I would of course play only 1 or 2 more years…physically and mentally I can compete with these yong guys and develop in them the toughness they will need to perform at a higher level with another team…Thank you…
Cookie? COOKIE?
I’m gonna kick that bald-headed a$$ of yours Michael. Better yet, where the @$!#! is Isaiah?
Don’t worry, Magic. I gave him a little "souvenir." You know, the same thing you gave me that you picked up from that romp in Portland.
Hmmm, Michael, when you’re done explaining Karla to me, maybe you can explain Cookie.
Juanita,
Why don’t you have him explain his little thing for Walter Davis, too.
Therefore it is necessary to arrive at a prime mover, put in motion by no other; and this everyone understands to be God. by online poker