Hola mis amigos!  We bueno you, too!  Or something!
Many of our intrepid readers were upset on Friday when we effectively canned the season after a pair of disastrous losses in Cincinnati. Some of you thought we were submitting to knee-jerk reactiveness, others just figured, accurately that I’m a dope.

While the Cubs won two of three in St. Louis, and it’s always fun to send the sweaty inbred masses back to their double-wides unhappy, they did nothing to prove they are anything but done.

That doesn’t mean I didn’t enjoy the wins, of course I did. I’d just enjoy them more if I felt they weren’t being accomplished in spite of the manager.

On Sunday, the Cardinals fell to the Cubs for one simple reason. They could not stop Hank White or Neifi! That seems like a sure fire method of stringing together some much needed wins, doesn’t it?

How’d you like that first inning last night? Mark Prior was on the mound, sweat pouring off of him like he was Brian Urlacher’s paternity attorney and balls flying out of the park off the bats of Abe Nunez and John Mabry? Sure, Lassie hit one, and given his recent struggles, that might have been even less likely than Abe.

After every pitch, Prior dried his hand off on his jersey. After every two tosses he went to the rosin bag. See, I knew there was a reason to keep Joe Borowski around. Joe could have taught Prior how to use that flop sweat to an advantage.

In the second inning, Prior started to make good pitches. Only he ended up in the soup because E-ramis charged a nine hopper off the bat of Jeff Suppan and confused him with someone who can actually run. E-ramis unnecessarily barehanded the ball, bobbled it and bounced it off the tarp down the first base line.

Then Prior got Abe to hit a little chopper to first and loped to cover the bag where he was beaten by about four steps by Nunez.

If your household is anything like mine, things were flying towards your TV with much malice of intent.

But Prior got out of it by doing something the Cubs did all weekend. He got Albie Pujols out. This was a recurring theme in the three game series. The Cardinals either got burned by Derrek Lee or walked him, the Cubs went right after Albie.

True, Albie nearly ended the proceedings on Friday night, only to have Jeromy Burnitz pull a homer back over the fence and keep the game tied at one late in regulation, but other than that, Pujols’ main contribution was a line drive double play to end Saturday’s game.

The Cubs lost on Friday because Todd Walker came up to bat four times with a runner in scoring position and went 0-4. He did, however get the runner to third with a grounder to Mark Grudzielanek his first time up and that runner, Jerry Hairston, scored on a ground out by Derrek Lee. The other three times? Runner on third, one out, 0-3 with two double plays and a non run scoring ground out. Ouch, babe.

What was alarming was that in any of those three instances, especially the last two, a squeeze bunt would have given the Cubs a lead and likely the win. But Dusty is afraid to use the squeeze with Hairston on third because back in April, Jerry missed the sign. That’s right, a guy missed a sign three months ago and Dusty thinks he’ll do it every time. This is the same manager who re-installed Corey Patterson in the lead off spot after Corey had already failed miserably at it repeatedly. Something’s not really consistent about these approaches.

Just to twist the knife in, the Cardinals successfully pulled off a squeeze to win the game. Everybody watching knew that the Garden Gnome, David Eckstein, was going to bunt. But did the Cubs ever pitch out, or have Sergio Mitre throw to third to see if the great pinch running extravagance, Hector Luna, would give anything away? Nah.

Not only did the squeeze work, but catcher Michael Barrett actually abandoned home plate to go get the ball. Uh, Mike…who’s gonna tag the runner if you’re ten feet from the plate? Hmm? It didn’t matter, because the timing was right and the Cubs were screwed regardless.

On Saturday, the Cubs took out the whuppin’ sticks on Matt Morris. You know, nothing looks more comfortable than a 100 degree day and a guy with a beard. Nice choice. Why not wear a snowmobile suit under your uniform, too? It was dumb when Rick Sutcliffe did it 20 years ago, and that hasn’t changed.

Jerome Williams didn’t mind the heat. He’s from Hawaii, it was a just a walk to the luau for him. Or something.

Ryan Dempster came in for the save and he made it interesting, but a win is a win.

Which brings us to last night. After Prior’s sweaty first, he did something that separates him from most 24 year old pitchers. He had nothing in the first inning and still managed to turn it around and go five more.

Sure, the Cardinals were playing without Larry Walker, Reggie Sanders and Scott Rolen, but you know what? Screw them. All three of those guys have a history of injuries that even Kerry Wood could mock, so is it a surprise that any or all of them were out? I don’t think so.

The Cubs had done the sensible thing in the early going. They looked to their leader, their star, their offensive force and asked for him to take over and get them back in the game. He did just that.

They went to Hank White. He homered in the second to make it 3-1, then added an RBI single later on to make it 3-2.

E-ramis continued his slash and burn campaign through the second half with a two run bomb into the Cubs’ bullpen in the eighth to give the Cubs the lead. When Will Ohman and Bob Novoa navigated a 1-2-3 eighth, it set Dempster up for the easiest save you can get on the road, facing So Taguchi, Einar Diaz and a pinch hitter who turned out to be Scott Seabol.

And…true to form, he screwed it up. This stuff only happens to the Cubs, right?

He got So and Einar out with no problem. Then got ahead of Seabol 0-2. And walked him. Wait, is this THE Scott Seabol, the 44 year old (or whatever) career minor leaguer?

Luna pinch ran, tried to steal second and was out from here to Tuesday, only he was called safe.

Hank White and Neifi had hooked up on the play, with Hank’s throw going very fast and bouncing well in front of Neifi, but it took a nice, sharp hop and Neifi tagged Luna out, only to have him called safe. We all knew what would happen next, Eckstein singled, Luna scored and the Cubs were screwed. Nunez added an infield hit and Pujols was up with the urine soaked throng shouting (wrongly) MVP! MVP! MVP! The MVP ran his hitless streak to 10 with a ground out.

In the top of the tenth Todd Walker got that double we would have killed for on Friday to start the inning.

Now this was good. Because Walker was on second with Derrek Lee, Jeromy Burnitz and E-ramis coming up. Even the Cubs can’t screw this up. The Genius did the predictable nad walked Lee on purpose. This played right into the Cubs’ hands because unless Jeromy Burnitz hits into a triple play, both he and E-ramis are going to have shots at driving in Walker.

So what does Dusty Baker do?

He sets it up so that the Cardinals can allow a leadoff double and get through Lee, Burnitz and E-ramis by throwing them one hittable pitch.

There’s stupidity and there’s epic stupidity. This was epic.

Burnitz bunted the runners up to second and third and Dusty stood, dumbfounded that the Cardinals walked E-ramis to load the bases. Not only that, but who was on deck? Ryan Dempster! Thanks to another of his pointless double switches, Dusty had moved the pitcher’s spot closer to the action in the ninth. So he went to Michael Barrett and tried to act like that was the matchup he wanted all along.

Barrett, needing only to hit a flyball, didn’t. He struck out.

Two outs, bases loaded and Neifi was the Cubs’ last hope. You knew that when he made his out that the game was going to end. Glendon Rusch was warming up in the bullpen and Lassie was going to lead off the tenth with a homer and we were going to all want to kill ourselves.

So what does Neifi do?

Neifi hits a grand slam.
You owe me Dusty.  Big time!

Not only did he hit a grand slam, but he managed to hit it so it got stuck in the netting on the fair side of the foul pole. Even had the umpires wanted to screw the Cubs again, they couldn’t. 8-4 Cubs. Game over. Drive home safely.

Joe Morgan, who spends every Cubs’ Sunday night telecast making up nice things to say about Dusty, actually said, “I think Neifi just bailed Dusty out.”

YOU THINK? Neifi’s grand slam was like being strapped to the electric chair and hearing the phone ring.

And so the Cubs head back to Chicago for a seven game homestand with San Francisco and Arizona, trailing the Braves by only 4.5 in the wild card.

You’d feel a lot better about things if Dusty hadn’t reminded us all what the biggest obstacle the Cubs face is.

Him.