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News: Oct 12 - Oral History: Cubs hire Theo  http://www.desipio.com/?p=3639
 
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1  General Category / Desipio Lounge / Re: Cubs 2017 Let's Win Two! on: Today at 11:34:26 AM
Brett Anderson makes the rotation despite his 7.15 spring ERA (but no homers allowed and 2:9 BB:SO!). Might want to keep Montgomery stretched out.
2  General Category / Desipio Lounge / Re: The Ludicrous Lucroy Luggage Liaison, on: Today at 11:27:26 AM
Odds on this being the result of a mishap during shower sex?

Gonna need a scouting report on how his technique looks before I can answer.
3  General Category / Desipio Lounge / Re: World Baseball Classic: It's a Thing! on: March 23, 2017, 05:23:38 PM
Just remembered that Jon Hamm and his dopey Cardinals hat were shown on the Jumbotron Dodger Vision. Didn't get a chance to ask him how he liked his front-row seat to the 2016 playoffs, but I did boo him loudly from the 400 level. He no doubt questioned his very existence.
4  General Category / Desipio Lounge / Re: World Baseball Classic: It's a Thing! on: March 23, 2017, 03:16:41 PM
...kind of. How did we not have a thread for the nonstop pants-shitting excitement of the WBC? Shame.

Anyway, I'm at the game, mostly rooting for Javy to do something cool. It's a very fun and festive atmosphere and you should go sometime. The end.

I followed it, mostly to see how exciting Javy is. I was pleased, but not surprised, to see all of his base running and defensive gems. I was also not surprised to see him expand his strike zone on a full count and whiff, Sammy Sosa style, on a pitch that was low and away. I think that, if Javy can overcome that habit, then he'll be an insanely good player.

Were you, paying tribute, to Al, with all, of these commas?

If he was, he would've put this in its only proper place: a FanShot. Not a FanPost like a common Chad.
5  General Category / Desipio Lounge / World Baseball Classic: It's a Thing! on: March 22, 2017, 09:30:34 PM
...kind of. How did we not have a thread for the nonstop pants-shitting excitement of the WBC? Shame.

Anyway, I'm at the game, mostly rooting for Javy to do something cool. It's a very fun and festive atmosphere and you should go sometime. The end.
6  General Category / Desipio Lounge / Re: David Ross' Grandpa Strength Splooge Thread. on: March 20, 2017, 11:08:08 PM
His Dancing With the Stars routine was like torture. I felt embarrassment just watching it. I hope he wins.

Ummmm...it was actually a really good quickstep. His footwork was good and he kept a steady frame.

Is GM Fork pulling a Paul DePodesta and expanding into new sports?
7  General Category / Desipio Lounge / Re: Twatheads Twittering on: March 18, 2017, 05:14:50 PM
Hayden Panettiere wants to know what's the deal with all the chemtrails poisoning us?
8  General Category / Desipio Lounge / Re: The "Jason Heyward Drinks Delicious Cardinal Tears" Sploogetime Thread on: March 17, 2017, 11:19:07 AM
I mean, regardless of what happens with Heyward's offense, or his contract, do the Cubs win the 2016 World Series without him?

Yeah, probably.

Literally nobody knows.

I mean butterfly effect and all so who knows but I don't think "they couldn't have done it without him!" is a very strong argument. They very well might've. Heck, in the fantasy land where they don't sign Heyward I have now signed Cespedes and extended Fowler for CF long term. The Cubs don't struggle against Josh Tomlin in game 3 and the series doesn't even go seven games.

Point is, winning the world series keeps us from asking "but what could they have done if Jason Heyward wasn't a total bust?", which is nice, but it's still on him to not be a total bust, title or not.

I'd like to find out if they can win it with him being a total stud. Several times.
9  General Category / Desipio Lounge / Re: This. Fucking. Bullpen. on: March 16, 2017, 02:17:39 AM
Intrepid Reader: Hector Rondon

This is fine.
10  General Category / Desipio Lounge / Re: The "Jason Heyward Drinks Delicious Cardinal Tears" Sploogetime Thread on: March 14, 2017, 08:48:02 PM
I'm still holding out hope that Jason develops an appetite for Cardinal tears, making my thread title awesome instead of embarrassing. Unlike most of my threads, which are uniformly great.
11  General Category / Desipio Lounge / Re: Ryan Dempster - Someone Else's Problem on: March 13, 2017, 01:32:51 PM
Hey look, Ryan Dempster shitting the bed and walking the world in an important game. Who could've guessed.

Are you having a stroke?

He's pitching for Team Canada.
They played Team USA yesterday and he managed to record one out while letting a lot of guys on base and a handful of them to score.

Ah.

Yeah, see I give zero fucks about the WBC.

The WBC has been all sorts of fun.  If you're into the whole baseball thing.

I like that the Dominican team is stocked with studs but that the US team has a bunch of losers.   Seems even.

The pitching is a little light but if you're telling me this lineup has a bunch of losers...uhhh:

C Buster Posey
1B Paul Goldschmidt
2B Ian Kinsler/Daniel Murphy
3B Nolan Arenado
SS Brandon Crawford
LF Christian Yelich
CF Adam Jones
RF Giancarlo Stanton

What the fuck are you smoking? That is the best catcher in the game playing next to potentially the best first baseman (partial to Rizzo myself for obvious reasons), the two best offensive second basemen in the game not named Jose Altuve, a third baseman who is only not the best at his spot in the NL because Kris Bryant exists, a shortstop who has been worth ten wins the last two years, a 5 win left fielder, and Giancarlo fucking Stanton in RF. Center Field is kinda meh with Jones and McCutchen both being in their decline phase but that roster would win like 110 games.

That is pretty good.  I just assumed that no Bryant, no Harper and no Trout meant ALL SCHLUBS.

I apologize for the oversight but still ain't watching this.  GIMME CUB BASEBAW

How about Javier Baez launching a dong for Team Puerto Rico? That do anything for you?
12  General Category / Desipio Lounge / Re: The "Jason Heyward Drinks Delicious Cardinal Tears" Sploogetime Thread on: March 13, 2017, 10:18:23 AM
His 2017 spring training OPS is 200 points lower than his 2016 regular season. This is fine.
13  General Category / Desipio Lounge / Re: Ryan Dempster - Someone Else's Problem on: March 12, 2017, 06:39:34 PM
Hey look, Ryan Dempster shitting the bed and walking the world in an important game. Who could've guessed.
14  General Category / Boobtube / Re: Better Call Saul on: March 10, 2017, 02:53:12 PM
New promo. Everyone's favorite chicken restaurant proprietor is in it (suck it, Colonel Sanders and uncomfortably overmuscled chicken). We're one month out.
15  General Category / The Dead Pool / A STRAW MAN IS DEAD! on: March 08, 2017, 05:29:29 AM
Much like his television career, Fox News jester/"liberal" Alan Colmes died a while ago and apparently no one cared. He was 66.

Sean Hannity offered a touching tribute to his "friend" who he stepped on and used to get his own show by mangling a nonsense tweet like a mouthbreathing moron, and then cumming into a $100 bill as he fantasized about Putin's red october pounding Trumper's dumper.
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