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OK A-holes.  It's fixed.  Enjoy the orange links, because I have no fucking idea how to change them.  I basically learned scripting in four days to fix this damned thing. - Andy

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Topics - World's #1 Astros Fan

#1
The Dead Pool / Get Him A Body Bag!
September 30, 2019, 10:37:04 AM
Robert Garrison, vaunted member of Cobra Kai, dead at 59.
#2
The Dead Pool / Cubbiebluestew Outlasts Another One
August 09, 2019, 03:39:03 PM
Hard to make jokes but the consensus is that the deceased wouldn't want it any other way.

It is with heavy heart that I announce long-time Desipiot and all-around good guy Jim Flannery  passed away this past July 9th at 60.

Tonker, Fork and I sort of stumbled across this obituary--after noticing that flannj hadn't appeared in the Only Slack in quite some time--and it's fair to say we're all still in a bit of shock after having made this discovery. 

RIP, buddy.  May they serve some of the finest scotch wherever you're bellied up at.
#3
The Dead Pool / Buh-Bayh
March 14, 2019, 11:02:07 AM
Birch Bayh, the architect behind not one but two constitutional amendments, 91.
#4
The Dead Pool / Beverly Hills 902...86
March 04, 2019, 12:16:43 PM
Luke Perry, 52.
#5
Enough grab-assing....pitchers and catchers report in less than a month.  Let's light this candle.

Am I crazy to wonder why nobody seems to suggest Ian Happ at second base everyday?  I know he might be bad—but we don't really know for sure because he's hardly played it, even thought that was the position at which he was drafted.  Hell, he's probably played third more than second.  We know he's an adventure in the outfield, but this kid's bat can play—I remain a stout fan of his.  And in any event, he cannot be worse than the homophobic statue who took 11 seconds just to make the fucking pivot on the relay on 6(and 5)-4-3 DP's.  Zobrist is better at second but Zobrist is also better in RF than Happ would be if Heyward is in center vs. a RHP.

Regardless of whether Russell comes back, if Happ can play a modest second base, that would seem to solve a few problems.
#6
I know the light for this fading-out star of a shit-for-brains website extinguished already, but that's no excuse for none of us remaining 15 douchebag "regulars" to have started a 2018 Bears Thread--which, considering how it ended more Cub-like than anything pre-2016 Cub that we lived through--may have been an omen. 

Or maybe not--maybe if there had been a thread for the 2018 Bears on this tiny dark corner frequented by a dozen weirdos, even that would have had enough butterfly effect to push the wind at the lakefront on 1/6/18 one-half of one mile-per-hour more to the north, resulting in the oblong ball being pushed JUST ENOUGH back before hitting the crossbar (after hitting the upright, natch) to the correct side of the goalpost, resulting in hilarity shared by all, as well as relief.  And life is beautiful and we're already on to Page 11 of the Desipio 2018 Bears thread discussing how fucked the Rams are.

But we'll never know, will we?  And I don't want to take a chance of it happening again.  And even if this place dwindles further to just Fork, Yeti, Tonker Wheezer, TJ Brown and myself by next September,  at least we'll have this repository and so I'm putting it up now, from practically the furthest point from the start of the 2019 season as possible.

As the first order of business, I'd simply like to address the current Frankenstein's Monster that we're trying to corner and kill.  Though I typically give 2 flying figs about the Kicker position in football, and while I was, deep down, every bit as mad as a Twittering Yeti in the immediate aftermath of the kick, I've swung all the way back to feeling that the Bears might as well keep Parkey now.  He had a shitty year but he was the 9th-most active kicker in the league when the Bears signed him, and his replacement is no guarantee that he'd do any worse than Parkey did in 2018--I wouldn't expect Parkey to be worse. Rationally, neither should anyone.  Let him come back and redeem himself here, rather than go to another team and anger us further by having success.  Worse--beating the Bears.  Worse, still, doing it in a game the Bears need (the schedule will be a LOT tougher in 2019 than 2018).  Worse yet, doing it for a team like Green Bay or Minnesota.  Fuck that--that'll just make the torture worse than it already is.  Bring him back with a  clean slate, give him a  standing O at the opener, and stop throwing good money after bad at soccer players.

It shouldn't come down to the Kicker next year anyway, because 2019 Bears are SUPER BEAR SUPER BOWE bound, but I needed some topic with which to light this candle.  But feel free to discuss the emerging awesomeness of Roquan Smith and Leonard Floyd, and maybe MICHAEL TRUBINSTSKY even, the draft etc.  Bear Down.
#7
The Dead Pool / Super Dead
January 02, 2019, 03:23:27 PM
Bob Einstein, aka "Super Dave" Osborne, aka "Marty Funkhouser" aka "Albert Brooks' older brother", dead at 76.
#8
The Dead Pool / Read My Lips
November 30, 2018, 11:07:28 PM
#9
The Dead Pool / Pimped
October 17, 2018, 08:13:48 AM
Nevada brothel-owner, and Trump-enabled State Legislature candidate Dennis Hof, 72.
#10
The Dead Pool / Blast Off
September 10, 2018, 08:40:28 AM
Native Chicagoan Bill Daily, who played the foil on not one but 2 long-running sitcoms in the mid 60's to mid 70's, has barged in to Dr. Hartley's Edgewater condo for the last time.  Age 91.
#11
Desipio Lounge / 2018 Postseason Roster Thread
August 29, 2018, 04:42:28 PM
Who's in, Who's out--let's light this candle.

This is what I have:

Sure things

C Contreras
C Caratini
1B Rizzo
2B Murphy
3B Bryant
SS Baez
OF Schwarber
OF Almora
OF Heyward
OF/IF Happ
OF/IF Zobrist
IF Russell
P Hamels
P Lester
P Hendricks
P Montgomery
P Strop
P Cishek
P Morrow
P Edwards
P Chavez

That's 12 position payers and 9 pitchers---21 all day, and room for 4 more.

Now, if they go with 14 position players, that only leaves room for 2 more pitchers.  If they go with 13 position players, then they have room for 3 more pitchers.

Factoring in either an alignment that's 14/11 or 13/12, this is the next group of players who can make a good argument to make the roster but are considered bubble players since it's really not 100% clear-cut (you could possibly argue that if Russell loses his everyday SS gig then he doesn't have as much value on the bench, but I think his glove would be useful in the late-innings, especially when one considers how loud Murphy's steel glove clangs when the ball hits it).

Nevertheless here are the bubble players:

Bote
LaStella
Quintana
Ole' Tiny face Wilson
Duensing
De La Rosa
Rosario

Couple things--if they go with a 14/11 alignment, Bote and La Stella both make it, and that leaves 2 pitchers.  I left Quintana on the bubble only because a disastrous September might leave him off.  He's still been maddeningly inconsistent this season but as #4 starter--a guy who will get the ball once, and only once, per series-- the Cubs could do a lot worse.  However, I'm still leaving open the possibility that Q shits the tub and Montgomery--who makes the roster regardless--takes his spot.  If that happens, then I see Wilson, and then one of either Deunsing, De La Rosa and Rosario rounding it out.  I personally think Wilson makes the roster regardless, but I'm leaving him on the bubble.  If the Cubs go with a 13/12 alignment--meaning either Bote or La Stella get cut in favor of a 13th pitcher-- then the next 3 would be Wilson, and 2 from Quintana, Duensing, De La Rosa and Rosario.

Brandon Kintzler has pretty much pitched his Joe Smith--imitating ass off the roster since he's arrived, but I suppose it's possible one strong month could put him back in contention and he can move ahead of the troika of LH's (the fact that Kintzler generally has strong reverse splits means he could take a spot that would otherwise go to a southpaw).  There's also that weird outfielder that they got stashed in Iowa and could take a spot, but I don't see that happening.  The Cubs' offensive players' ability to play multiple positions has rendered an outfield/baserunning specialist unnecessary, in my opinion.

Obviously, the next few weeks should bring some clarity but there's a chance it won't and we'll be having the same discussions all month.

Thoughts?
#12
The Dead Pool / Laundered
June 26, 2018, 01:00:10 PM
#13
The Dead Pool / The San Franscisco 86ers
June 05, 2018, 12:28:05 PM
Dwight Clark, on the receiving end of one of the most iconic pass completions in NFL history, reaches the endzone at age 61.
#15
The Dead Pool / Oh Die!
December 21, 2017, 11:54:43 PM
Reports are swirling that legendary multi-sports play-by-play announcer Dick Enberg, who broadcast, among other things, the only Bears NFL Championship in the last half-century, has died at 82.

Edited to update with the always essential New York Times obituary.
#16
The Dead Pool / He Found His Thrill
October 25, 2017, 09:17:16 AM
Fats Domino has shuffled off blueberry hill at the ripe old age of 89.

I regret to inform you the New York Times does not have his obit up yet.


(perhaps the meta double-entendre of the thread title will finally summon our Deadpoolmaster)
#17
The Dead Pool / Lake Shore Dive
October 05, 2017, 09:01:59 AM
Skip Haynes, the last surviving member of Aliotta, Haynes & Jeremiah, best known for their one-hit wonder "Lake Shore Drive" (which I unapologetically enjoy every time I hear it), has flown over the S-curve, age unknown.

His final wish was to have his ashes spread over the iconic road he and his bandmates immortalized in song.
#18
The Dead Pool / Disrobed
September 27, 2017, 10:54:20 PM
Genuinely iconic 20th century entrepreneur, and original LOCAL GUY Hugh Hefner, 91
#19
The Dead Pool / Billy Battered
September 13, 2017, 05:12:19 PM
Reports are coming out that Frank Vincent, the made man who got bludgeoned to death by a psychotic Joe Pesci in Goodfellas, and who later proved to be a boil on Tony Soprano's ass, has shuffled off at the age 78.  No official obituary appears to have been published on the interwebs.
#20
The Dead Pool / The Day The Clown Died
August 20, 2017, 08:19:28 PM
Jerry Lewis, 91.

(Maybe now we'll get to see that movie)