STAR WARS EPISODE 7: THE SPOILERS AWAKEN

[Tonker]

Wow.  You guys are spending waaaaaaay too much time thinking about this.  All the while this sadsack thread has been running, I've been thinking about boobs, and sports, and beer.

[Eli]

Wow.  You guys are spending waaaaaaay too much time thinking about this.  All the while this sadsack thread has been running, I've been thinking about boobs, and sports, and beer.

Glad you had a good time thinking about boobs and beer.

[R-V]

I had it spoiled for me by some random asshole on Twitter -- screenshot and all -- so I knew it was coming.

Seriously? So someone you follow did this? That's fucked up.

Really enjoyed the movie and was ecstatic I went in having not been spoiled at all. The "That's not how the force works" exchange may have been the highlight for me.

[Chuck to Chuck]

How did Poe get off Jakku?

[Canadouche]

How did Poe get off Jakku?

Apparently it's really easy to steal ships on that planet.

[InternetApex]

Captain Phasma: "I hope you don't think you're going to get away with this." -- while she's turning off the shield and raising their win expectancy about 1000% almost killed the movie for me. That's one guileless supervillain. She must have been blowing Hux or plowing his ass with a giant robo penis and filming it to stay employed if that's the way she performs her job. What a waste of Gwen Christie's ability to be bad as fuck. She slew The Hound (greatly diminished in strength due to infected wounds, natch) and this is all she could muster up when three dipshits with blasters invade her giant starkilling weapons reactor?

Otherwise, I was thoroughly fan serviced and left the theater floor in Pee Wee Herman level of satisfaction at this film. I'd see it again and hope it's the worst of series. If it's not, well, fuck. I doubt we'll reach prequel level of failure so rock on, Disney and thanks.

Really Enjoyed:

1. The space monsters killing all Han and Chewie's debtors in one fell swoop. If they could have unleashed those fuckers on an extremely well-fortified weapons reactor control bunker (hey, fool me twice... you can't fool me again) instead, that would have been a thing.
2. The reunion between Han and Leia with Threepio going all Threepio in the middle of it.
3. Daisy Ridley's face.
4. John Boyega's reactions to things and the part where Han had to tell him to "Bring it down a little."
5. Snoke being FUCKING HUGE! That would be so awesome if he's really that big in real life, like he made himself that size with the Force or he just comes from a planet where creatures are really that big - and we never see them because they're too big to live anywhere other than their shitty planet and they hate it. That would be special/terrifying.
6. The way Abrams and company shot it so it felt like I was right in the middle of the action the entire time. Super cool.


Didn't Enjoy:
1. Hannah's emo boyfriend as a supervillain. I know people are praising his performance but I can't shake his "Girls" persona, which may not be his fault at all.
2. Phasma
3. No guard rails on the giant bridge to nowhere that Han died on. Why?
4. The inevitable revelation that Snoke isn't very big at all, that he's Golem "Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain!" That's going to be so fucking lame.

[Chuck to Chuck]

Didn't Enjoy:
1. Hannah's emo boyfriend as a supervillain. I know people are praising his performance but I can't shake his "Girls" persona, which may not be his fault at all.

Oy...

[InternetApex]

Didn't Enjoy:
1. Hannah's emo boyfriend as a supervillain. I know people are praising his performance but I can't shake his "Girls" persona, which may not be his fault at all.

Oy...

It's even worse than Tony Starks going toe to toe with The Dude in "Iron Man 2."

[ChuckD]

What's up with Starkiller Base being the size of a small planet, but every thing/person of importance (Kylo Ren, Snoke's "chambers", prison, reactor core, command center, shield controls, Phasma) being within a 10,000 sqft area?

[Chuck to Chuck]

Why the hell are there storage slots half way up a sheer wall with switches to open them on the wall?

[SKO]

What are the odds the first woman from another planet Luke ever meets is his twin sister?  It's like a bizarre epic space fairy tale or some shit

[InternetApex]

What are the odds the first woman from another planet Luke ever meets is his twin sister?  It's like a bizarre epic space fairy tale or some shit

This one's easy. Because The Force.

[Tony]

Didn't Enjoy: 
2. Phasma

Phasma should have been the stormtrooper to challenge Finn with the electric staff thing. That would have saved a useless character.

[Chuck to Chuck]

Didn't Enjoy: 
2. Phasma

Phasma should have been the stormtrooper to challenge Finn with the electric staff thing. That would have saved a useless character.

Didn't that guy die? They want to bring Phasma back in 8.

[Quality Start Machine]

Wow.  You guys are spending waaaaaaay too much time thinking about this.  All the while this sadsack thread has been running, I've been thinking about boobs, and sports, and beer.

Why not both?