How We Learned to Stop Worrying And Love The Cubs (again): Your 2019 Thread

[Quality Start Machine]

CUBS SIGN 5-YEAR EXTENSION WITH RIGHT-HANDED-HITTING, BEARDED THIRD BASEMAN WEARING A JERSEY NUMBER IN THE TEENS WHOSE LAST NAME STARTS WITH B!

I, for one, am glad that the Cubs urgently locked up their *checks notes* utility infielder for *checks notes again* SIX FUCKING YEARS FROM NOW rather than doing anything about the SHITTY FUCKING BULLPEN THAT, FIVE GAMES INTO THE SEASON, HAS COUGHED UP THREE GAMES ALREADY.

I'm really looking forward to David Bote still being on the team when KB, Tony Ballgame, Javy and Schwarbs have all moved on without winning another WS because CJF EDWARDS, TYLER CUNTWOOD and MIKE MONTFUCKINGGOMERY.

I mean, even if the plan here is to launch Russell...You don't have to pay $15 million to have anybody do David Bote things.

[Wheezer]

I, for one, am glad that the Cubs urgently locked up their *checks notes* utility infielder for *checks notes again* SIX FUCKING YEARS FROM NOW rather than doing anything about the SHITTY FUCKING BULLPEN THAT, FIVE GAMES INTO THE SEASON, HAS COUGHED UP THREE GAMES ALREADY.

Hey, who am I?

Come on, man - we're three games into the season.  Yeesh.

[Tonker]

I, for one, am glad that the Cubs urgently locked up their *checks notes* utility infielder for *checks notes again* SIX FUCKING YEARS FROM NOW rather than doing anything about the SHITTY FUCKING BULLPEN THAT, FIVE GAMES INTO THE SEASON, HAS COUGHED UP THREE GAMES ALREADY.

Hey, who am I?

Come on, man - we're three games into the season.  Yeesh.

Yes, because my post was absolutely 100% serious.

[CubFaninHydePark]

This team is absolutely unwatchable right now.  It's quite apparent that management from the front office, to the dugout, have long overstayed their welcome.  With the dead money tied up in Darvish, Chatwood, Heyward, and Morrow, this team is unfixable in the short term, and quite possibly for the next 2 - 3 years.  And to think, with that money, they could have Jake and Harper.  Two guys that actually would contribute to winning.

Add in what they've traded away for trash like Quintana, and this team is in a far, far worse position than it should be.  It's going to be a long season.

[Quality Start Machine]

This team is absolutely unwatchable right now.  It's quite apparent that management from the front office, to the dugout, have long overstayed their welcome.  With the dead money tied up in Darvish, Chatwood, Heyward, and Morrow, this team is unfixable in the short term, and quite possibly for the next 2 - 3 years.  And to think, with that money, they could have Jake and Harper.  Two guys that actually would contribute to winning.

Add in what they've traded away for trash like Quintana, and this team is in a far, far worse position than it should be.  It's going to be a long season.

(Fills chip bowl, sits back awaiting the inevitable 8 game win streak)

[CBStew]

This team is absolutely unwatchable right now.  It's quite apparent that management from the front office, to the dugout, have long overstayed their welcome.  With the dead money tied up in Darvish, Chatwood, Heyward, and Morrow, this team is unfixable in the short term, and quite possibly for the next 2 - 3 years.  And to think, with that money, they could have Jake and Harper.  Two guys that actually would contribute to winning.

Add in what they've traded away for trash like Quintana, and this team is in a far, far worse position than it should be.  It's going to be a long season.

(Fills chip bowl, sits back awaiting the inevitable 8 game win streak)

...refills vegetable substance in hookah.

[Tonker]

This team is absolutely unwatchable right now.  It's quite apparent that management from the front office, to the dugout, have long overstayed their welcome.  With the dead money tied up in Darvish, Chatwood, Heyward, and Morrow, this team is unfixable in the short term, and quite possibly for the next 2 - 3 years.  And to think, with that money, they could have Jake and Harper.  Two guys that actually would contribute to winning.

Add in what they've traded away for trash like Quintana, and this team is in a far, far worse position than it should be.  It's going to be a long season.

And then what happened?

[Canadouche]

This team is absolutely unwatchable right now.  It's quite apparent that management from the front office, to the dugout, have long overstayed their welcome.  With the dead money tied up in Darvish, Chatwood, Heyward, and Morrow, this team is unfixable in the short term, and quite possibly for the next 2 - 3 years.  And to think, with that money, they could have Jake and Harper.  Two guys that actually would contribute to winning.

Add in what they've traded away for trash like Quintana, and this team is in a far, far worse position than it should be.  It's going to be a long season.

And then what happened?

Are you saying that giving up on the season on April 5th is fucking idiotic?

[Bort]

This team is absolutely unwatchable right now.  It's quite apparent that management from the front office, to the dugout, have long overstayed their welcome.  With the dead money tied up in Darvish, Chatwood, Heyward, and Morrow, this team is unfixable in the short term, and quite possibly for the next 2 - 3 years.  And to think, with that money, they could have Jake and Harper.  Two guys that actually would contribute to winning.

Add in what they've traded away for trash like Quintana, and this team is in a far, far worse position than it should be.  It's going to be a long season.

And then what happened?

Are you saying that giving up on the season on April 5th is CFIHP has a long and storied history of being fucking idiotic?

[Quality Start Machine]

This team is absolutely unwatchable right now.  It's quite apparent that management from the front office, to the dugout, have long overstayed their welcome.  With the dead money tied up in Darvish, Chatwood, Heyward, and Morrow, this team is unfixable in the short term, and quite possibly for the next 2 - 3 years.  And to think, with that money, they could have Jake and Harper.  Two guys that actually would contribute to winning.

Add in what they've traded away for trash like Quintana, and this team is in a far, far worse position than it should be.  It's going to be a long season.

(Fills chip bowl, sits back awaiting the inevitable 8 game win streak)

Damn, missed by a game.

[CubFaninHydePark]

This team is absolutely unwatchable right now.  It's quite apparent that management from the front office, to the dugout, have long overstayed their welcome.  With the dead money tied up in Darvish, Chatwood, Heyward, and Morrow, this team is unfixable in the short term, and quite possibly for the next 2 - 3 years.  And to think, with that money, they could have Jake and Harper.  Two guys that actually would contribute to winning.

Add in what they've traded away for trash like Quintana, and this team is in a far, far worse position than it should be.  It's going to be a long season.

So, I was saying...

Joe gone at ASB. Theo after they finish 3rd or 4th in the division. 20-28 since the "recovery" to the start of the season. This isn't a good team.

[Canadouche]

This team is absolutely unwatchable right now.  It's quite apparent that management from the front office, to the dugout, have long overstayed their welcome.  With the dead money tied up in Darvish, Chatwood, Heyward, and Morrow, this team is unfixable in the short term, and quite possibly for the next 2 - 3 years.  And to think, with that money, they could have Jake and Harper.  Two guys that actually would contribute to winning.

Add in what they've traded away for trash like Quintana, and this team is in a far, far worse position than it should be.  It's going to be a long season.

So, I was saying...

Joe gone at ASB. Theo after they finish 3rd or 4th in the division. 20-28 since the "recovery" to the start of the season. This isn't a good team.

Have you ever been right? Like, ever?

[Yeti]

This team is absolutely unwatchable right now.  It's quite apparent that management from the front office, to the dugout, have long overstayed their welcome.  With the dead money tied up in Darvish, Chatwood, Heyward, and Morrow, this team is unfixable in the short term, and quite possibly for the next 2 - 3 years.  And to think, with that money, they could have Jake and Harper.  Two guys that actually would contribute to winning.

Add in what they've traded away for trash like Quintana, and this team is in a far, far worse position than it should be.  It's going to be a long season.

So, I was saying...

Joe gone at ASB. Theo after they finish 3rd or 4th in the division. 20-28 since the "recovery" to the start of the season. This isn't a good team.

I'll await your return once they drop 4 of 5 in a couple weeks, but you also ignore the fact that they've been 15-9 since the ASB.

[Saul Goodman]

In case you were wondering, which you weren't, Mat yoo Troo blud still sucks.

Jorge Soler and Gleyber Torres are going to combine for roughly 80 HR this year. Cubs got 1.5 years of veteran closers for them, plus a draft pick, less other players they gave up in Torres deal, are likely to miss playoffs for a second straight year due to insufficient offense.

[Saul Goodman]

Here is my dream 2020 lineup.  I will not be taking questions.

1. 2B Lindor
2. RF Bryant
3. 1B Rizzo
4. 3B Rendon
5. LF Castellanos
6. SS Baez
7. C Contreras
8. CF Hoerner/Heyward
9. Pitcher