Dear Seattle Sutton,
I never thought this could happen to a guy like me. The other day I was at the car wash when a women’s college volleyball team offered to “wax my ride” for a few bucks… Oh, wait, wrong letter.
Dear Seattle Sutton,
On behalf of Cubs’ fans who have radios, please go to hell and die.
I understand I might have the order wrong, but either way, get it done.
You are probably wondering what a middle-aged woman who wears really bad scarves and a watch that looks like it ought to have a Mickey Mouse on it, has done to irritate Cubs’ fans within reach of WGN-AM’s signal?
If I hear her over enunciate the not-at-all-clever and totally contrived “Acapulco Taco Pie”, one more time, I’m going to rip the antenna off my car and jam it through my ears.
The fact that the radio commercial includes a fake phone call from the world’s cuddliest diabetic, Ron Santo, and the fact that the way she says his name only proves that she has no idea who he is, only makes it that much worse.
Apparently, Seattle Sutton’s company makes meals that they freeze dry or pack in dry ice or some shit and send to people with “special dietary needs.” We get the code. It’s meals for fatties and sugar hoarders. It’s meals on wheels without the wheels. Tremendous.
I like how in the commercial she tells Ron that when he’s on the road he can arrange to have his meals sent to him. Nothing better than staying at the Waldorf in New York and getting a call that “your package of beef stroganoff has arrived at the front desk.” Mmmm.
But honestly, I have no problem with somebody pretending that sending a package of blue corn chips, a can of beefaroni and a Crystal Light packet to a shut in.  No problem at all.
It’s a great service. I hope when I have given up the will to live that someone will mail my meals to me. Maybe they could just blend them all together and I could drink them. Kind of like an Acapulco Taco Pie Mai Tai.
Great, now you’ve got me doing it.
Go screw yourself.
Love,
Andy
Time to switch to decaf, Andy.
Laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaame!
But honestly, I have no problem with somebody pretending that sending a package of blue corn chips, a can of beefaroni and a Crystal Light packet to a shut in. No problem at all.
is a taco pie? Is that code for vagina?
fixed.
Here I am showing up again. Last time I did, people said to check out the messageboard, but most people still couldn’t figure out the joke.
What’s the deal with me?
It has something to do with me maybe? In other news, Pizza Pizza has been traded to Pissburgh.
Say that 10 times fast.
During the Mariners’ series a Tribune headline writer spelled Seattle wrong…Seattke…we ran with it. For three days.
Thank you for finally clearing this up for me. It’s little, tiny jokes like this that are often the most hilarious and stick way longer than you think.
And I assume that by three days you mean like a year, right?
Wayne Messmer’s got it wrong.
This was gold, Jerry. Pure gold.
Finally, someone who hates commercials as much as I do.
You’re still wrong. It wasn’t the Mariners’ series it was before the NFC Championship Game and it was a sentance about how the city of Chicago had been at a fever pitch since Seattke left town.
If that’s not comedy gold, I don’t know what the hell is anymore.
I don’t find the Seattle Sutton commericals NEARLY as annoying as the stupid ‘Local Thing’ commericals for Old Style. First off all, do they have to say the beer is made in Milwaukee at the end of the commerical? I don’t want Milwaukee mentioned as a good thing in every broadcast. Second, the local things they pick are stupid and some aren’t even local. An Elvis bar in Indiana? What the hell? Why wouldn’t you talk about the Berywn Car Spike first? Even if they did that one, they all get so tired out after one listen. Remember the Old Style commericals with the ‘comedians’? “I’m such a die hard Cubs fan, I’m naming my twins Clark and Addison”. It’s amazing that even with those commericals, the radio is better than listening to the two clowns on WGN TV. What a terrible combo in the booth.
The worst of me was the one about Buckingham Fountain:
“I like to call it the Bundy Fountain, after a certain popular sitcom. It’s the kind of thing a local would know.”
Ah yes, “Married with Children”: just one of Chicago’s many locals-only secrets.
I still find “He gone!” much more annoying
Marrone! Did someone say annoying commercial? Because that’s how my wife left me…annoying.
On Saturdays at my restaurant there is no rap, hip-hop, punk rock or any of that other bullshit that passes for music now. It’s just Dean Martin and Frank Sinatra CD’s played on a loop. And the food sucks and I have ugly “talent” trying too hard to be sexy with their little short-shorts. Do yourself a favor, pasan, drive 4 miles down Higgins Rd. to Hooters.
Thank you for not allowing this media blasting segment go by without trashing the Asshole Catcher and Little Boy Blows on the T.V. Len and Bob SuUUUUUUuuuuUUUuuuuccckkkk!!!!!!! It’s Ron and Pat all the way and if I have to sit through Seattke F*&%ing Suttle commercials as the trade off, I will. Down with BlenOB! I also agree about the whole Local Thing. What kind of Moran says it’s a local thing for Chicago and then says “Made in Milwaukee” in the next line. You want a local beer, walk about half a block down Clark and get a Goose Island. Not only is it Local, but it actually tastes good too. What an idea.