Believe it or not, today I feel like pounding some bush!!
Clusterfuck Thread
on September 18, 2008 at 1:16 pm
Did someone say Bush?
Dick Hardon
on September 18, 2008 at 1:19 pm
I’m up against Bush today.
Posterity's Sake
on September 18, 2008 at 1:27 pm
Humorous lineups for me, please.
Two Straight Walks
on September 18, 2008 at 1:30 pm
DOOOOOOOOM
Dick Hardon
on September 18, 2008 at 1:30 pm
Can I get a fluffer out here? Something’s not right.
Jason Marquis
on September 18, 2008 at 1:34 pm
I decided to pitch again today.
Andy
on September 18, 2008 at 1:35 pm
Which one of our dumbass second basemen threw to second on that play?
Andy
on September 18, 2008 at 1:36 pm
What is with Rich Harden’s embarassing disco dance pregame throwing regimen that Comcast is showing?
Ghey.
Todd Walker
on September 18, 2008 at 1:36 pm
Sorry, Andy. I’ll try to do better next time.
Bob Uecker
on September 18, 2008 at 1:36 pm
HEEY!!! I’m incredibly irritating to listen to call a game because I can’t gauge home run distance anymore! GET UP!!! GET UP!!!!!! Edmonds under it…..one out.
Gord Wittenmyer
on September 18, 2008 at 1:36 pm
I demanded Harden prove he could throw hard today, so now he’s throwing 94 with no control instead of 90 with it.
Andy
on September 18, 2008 at 1:37 pm
29 pitches for Harden already? Shit, he’ll be lucky to go three today.
Chad Gaudin
on September 18, 2008 at 1:37 pm
I’m ready to pitch! I’m finally done sifting through dumpsters trying to find Chad Fox’s career.
Corey Hart
on September 18, 2008 at 1:38 pm
I’m here to kill any rally.
Larry Rothschild
on September 18, 2008 at 1:38 pm
I told him to strike out Hart. I’m that good.
Bill Hall
on September 18, 2008 at 1:39 pm
Counsell, again? Who’s a brother got to shank to get a start around here?
Andy
on September 18, 2008 at 1:39 pm
If this inning lasts any longer Dave Bush won’t be starting on short rest anymore.
Mark Prior
on September 18, 2008 at 1:40 pm
Harden’s got it all wrong. No towel in his weird pregame drill and his sideburns are not up to code.
The Crew
on September 18, 2008 at 1:41 pm
We’re going to regret only getting one run there.
Chip Caray
on September 18, 2008 at 1:41 pm
Hittin’ shoes! I hope you boys wore your hittin’ shoes!
DPappy
on September 18, 2008 at 1:44 pm
I’m pretty sure that Lou used all the potential long relievers for an inning each in yesterday’s game (Guzman, Marshall, Wells, and Hart). So either one of those guys is going to try and pitch again or we’re really going to see how many guys Samardzija can walk today.
Mike Wuertz
on September 18, 2008 at 1:48 pm
Never fear bitches!! I’m ready to go 3 or 4 innings today!
Andy
on September 18, 2008 at 1:51 pm
Is the wind howling out? Harden smoked the Cardinals last week by pitching to contact and letting them helplessly ground out and pop up, he seems hell bent on striking out or walking every Brewer.
Joe West
on September 18, 2008 at 1:54 pm
Compared to this guy my strike zone last night was competent.
Rich Harden
on September 18, 2008 at 1:55 pm
I’m still throwing a no-hitter, bitches.
Wind
on September 18, 2008 at 1:56 pm
I blowing in as hard as I can.
If I was blowing out Braun would have hit it out.
Dick Hardon
on September 18, 2008 at 1:57 pm
Only 54 pitches through 2 innings.
Irwin
on September 18, 2008 at 1:58 pm
Woof!
Dave Bush
on September 18, 2008 at 1:58 pm
Once this line-up gets one look at me I will go 0 to suck in about an inning.
Woof!
on September 18, 2008 at 1:58 pm
Oppo again, bitches!
Dave Bush
on September 18, 2008 at 1:58 pm
Or maybe just five hitters.
Lassie
on September 18, 2008 at 1:58 pm
Woof.
Corey Hart
on September 18, 2008 at 2:00 pm
I am the epitome of style and grace in the outfield.
DeRosa
on September 18, 2008 at 2:01 pm
I’ve been in a slump for a while. Is there anything I can do to break out of it?
Irwin
on September 18, 2008 at 2:01 pm
Corey Hart went to the Lassie school of outfield defense.
Jim Edmonds
on September 18, 2008 at 2:01 pm
Collies dig the long ball
Andy
on September 18, 2008 at 2:03 pm
Well, maybe the wind is taking Harden’s pitches? Nah, I can’t think of why he’s so averse to letting the Brewers get themselves out.
Although, there’s a one pitch at bat for an out.
Prince Fielder
on September 18, 2008 at 2:07 pm
Man, I’m hungry
Rich
on September 18, 2008 at 2:08 pm
“Only” 63 pitches through three so I may be around for six/seven innings.
Ned Yost
on September 18, 2008 at 2:08 pm
Andy – don’t you make fun of any inch of Princie or Braunie or Hartie or any of the other players who’s prima donna behavior I excused for the last three years.
Dick Hardon
on September 18, 2008 at 2:08 pm
Woo! I’m going 5 innings today, ogdens!
Big Z
on September 18, 2008 at 2:12 pm
HAHA RICHEY, I WIN!
cubs
on September 18, 2008 at 2:12 pm
Where did we leave our wooden sticks to hit the ball with, today?
Jason Kendall
on September 18, 2008 at 2:15 pm
Hey, I threw somebody out!
Ken Doll
on September 18, 2008 at 2:15 pm
I’ll kill you for trying to run on me Fonzie. I know where you live.
Ken Doll
on September 18, 2008 at 2:20 pm
Somehow, unbelievably, I am among the best in throwing base stealer out this year. WTF?!
berkeleycubfan
on September 18, 2008 at 2:26 pm
So for us cocksuckers at work, is Harden missing his spots, or is Ed Rapuano doing his Joe West impersonation?
Fuk U Do Me
on September 18, 2008 at 2:27 pm
I can’t hit but I’m still a hell of an outfielder
E-ramis
on September 18, 2008 at 2:31 pm
Que pasa?
DPappy
on September 18, 2008 at 2:32 pm
#50, I’m not watching either but according to Pat & Ron, his control just flat out sucked in the first inning.
Lassie
on September 18, 2008 at 2:34 pm
According to Game Day I almost had a second woofer. Was it really that close?
Dick Hardon
on September 18, 2008 at 2:36 pm
Walking the opposing pitcher to lead off an inning is always a good thing.
Pat Hughes
on September 18, 2008 at 2:38 pm
I thought it was Lassie.
ESPN Gamecast
on September 18, 2008 at 2:38 pm
Rapuano is squeezing Harden some.
This place
on September 18, 2008 at 2:39 pm
Sucks now. What ever happened to everyone who used to come on this site?
Andy, your articles are still second to none but the people on here now suck balls.
Peace.
Lassie
on September 18, 2008 at 2:40 pm
I love squeezing some hardon.
Sloth
on September 18, 2008 at 2:40 pm
I think in the last 26 innings by our starters, we’ve given up 5 hits, mostly by du Suck.
Dick Hardon
on September 18, 2008 at 2:40 pm
There goes my no hitter.
Samardzija
on September 18, 2008 at 2:44 pm
I’m up in the bullpen.
Dick Hardon
on September 18, 2008 at 2:47 pm
Suck it J.J.
therick711
on September 18, 2008 at 2:48 pm
Great Escape. On pace for 200 pitches!
Hoffpaur
on September 18, 2008 at 2:58 pm
Has my luster worn off?
Fuk U Do Me
on September 18, 2008 at 3:00 pm
I had a good at-bat.
Corey Hart
on September 18, 2008 at 3:00 pm
If I can’t hit this guy I need to pack it in.
Corey Hart
on September 18, 2008 at 3:00 pm
Man I suck.
Jeffy
on September 18, 2008 at 3:01 pm
Pack it in, doge
Beach Ball
on September 18, 2008 at 3:02 pm
Wow, Andy wasn’t lying when he said that he wouldn’t switch it back for the gamecasts.
The walk a thon
on September 18, 2008 at 3:04 pm
continues
Joe West
on September 18, 2008 at 3:04 pm
Man, am I a slob.
DeRosa
on September 18, 2008 at 3:06 pm
Forget Alex Gonzalez………………….now!
Mark DeRosa
on September 18, 2008 at 3:06 pm
Holy shit do I suck today.
Doom
on September 18, 2008 at 3:10 pm
Hi all
Irwin
on September 18, 2008 at 3:10 pm
Is the smarjakljfdkljka experiment over yet? You need more than 1 pitch guy.
Jeffrey Eye Chart
on September 18, 2008 at 3:12 pm
Take me out I fucking suck.
Irwin
on September 18, 2008 at 3:12 pm
Fucking piece of shit domer.
Mark DeRosa
on September 18, 2008 at 3:13 pm
I have September 26 in the “What Day do the Cubs Clinch” pool.
Samardijjkkaa
on September 18, 2008 at 3:13 pm
I suck.
The Shark
on September 18, 2008 at 3:13 pm
I should have become a wide receiver.
DeRosa
on September 18, 2008 at 3:13 pm
Not all his fault guys! If I know how to field a ground ball, this inning ends 2-1.
Is
on September 18, 2008 at 3:14 pm
Lou sleeping in the dugout?
DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM
on September 18, 2008 at 3:14 pm
That is all.
Eye chart
on September 18, 2008 at 3:15 pm
At least my ERA goes down.
Bases On Balls
on September 18, 2008 at 3:19 pm
Cubs pitchers can’t get enough of me today!
Irwin
on September 18, 2008 at 3:19 pm
De Rosa aside, Samardzija is Farnsworth all over again. The only difference is that he had a couple good innings to start his career. If it weren’t for the bizarre Chicago obsession with Notre Dame, you all would realize this.
Just Asking
on September 18, 2008 at 3:20 pm
Does Lou want the Brewers to be the Wild Card team?
Dumb logic
on September 18, 2008 at 3:20 pm
The Cubs don’t want to clinch with a Milwaukee loss tomorrow night. They want to clinch on Sunday after winning the first two against St. Louis. When Milwaukee splits their next two games, the Cubs can clinch Sunday afternoon on the mound and all that good stuff that no one really cares about. Yep.
Andy
on September 18, 2008 at 3:22 pm
There is plenty of Brewers bullpen to get the Cubs back in it. Last night was the exception the proves the suck.
6-4-Lee
on September 18, 2008 at 3:23 pm
I’ll be killing this rally soon enough.
Lou
on September 18, 2008 at 3:23 pm
Hey, 88. How’d you like to see how far up your ass I can stick a size 12?
6-4-Lee
on September 18, 2008 at 3:24 pm
See.
Derrek Lee
on September 18, 2008 at 3:24 pm
I’m uncanny.
Mailman
on September 18, 2008 at 3:25 pm
I heard the Cubs had something for me today.
DP Lee
on September 18, 2008 at 3:25 pm
I’m automatic.
Two-man bullpen
on September 18, 2008 at 3:26 pm
Going to be tough to win playoff games with me.
Andy
on September 18, 2008 at 3:26 pm
I just read the link in #1. Holy shit, Brian Anderson is doing the playoffs? He’s the dullest asshole….ever. He’s horrendously bad.
Because you were clamoring for it...
on September 18, 2008 at 3:27 pm
…more Randy Wells!
DeRosa
on September 18, 2008 at 3:27 pm
I got one! I got one!
DP Lee
on September 18, 2008 at 3:28 pm
I always knew I’d have a record breaking year.
DeRosa
on September 18, 2008 at 3:29 pm
Whoo, on fire!
DeRosa
on September 18, 2008 at 3:29 pm
I got another one!
Randy Wells
on September 18, 2008 at 3:30 pm
Shit, this is easy
Toewes & Co.
on September 18, 2008 at 3:31 pm
Man, we can’t sing for shit.
Right Field
on September 18, 2008 at 3:31 pm
Kosuke in September – 2-18, .111
Mark DeRosa in September – 7-44, .159
Hot damn, can’t go wrong either way!
Hoff Power
on September 18, 2008 at 3:32 pm
You forgot me.
Patience at the Plate
on September 18, 2008 at 3:33 pm
I’m taking the day off today.
Andy
on September 18, 2008 at 3:34 pm
Why is everyone standing in the booth? It’s very uncomfortable looking.
Right Field
on September 18, 2008 at 3:34 pm
No. No, I didn’t.
Getaway Day
on September 18, 2008 at 3:35 pm
Hey, the Cubs just want to get me over because they’re leaving to go on the road.
Wait…
Last game v. Houston
on September 18, 2008 at 3:35 pm
Hey, maybe the Cubs will need me, not the Astros!
Oh, I crack myself up.
Right?
The Cubs
on September 18, 2008 at 3:35 pm
Wow, the Brewers bullpen is really, really good.
Brewers' Bullpen
on September 18, 2008 at 3:36 pm
Actually we’re not. You guys just suck right now.
Straw
on September 18, 2008 at 3:36 pm
Anyone feeling grossly ill about the bullpen heading into the playoffs. Will we carry 11 pitchers? Dempster, Z, Hardin, Lilly, Wood, Marmol, Cotts, Marshall, Marquis, Howry, Guzman…….
Geaux Dan
on September 18, 2008 at 3:38 pm
I’ll be ready for the playoffs.
Cy Wells
on September 18, 2008 at 3:39 pm
I am here to save the day. I will make you all forget the names of Howry, Wuertz, Samardizja.
Harry Doyle
on September 18, 2008 at 3:42 pm
Three hits? Three goddamn hits?
Cubs
on September 18, 2008 at 3:42 pm
We clinched already, right?
Cubs Offense
on September 18, 2008 at 3:44 pm
See you guys tomorrow
Cubs Offense
on September 18, 2008 at 3:45 pm
Maybe
The Cubs
on September 18, 2008 at 3:46 pm
It is impossible to get a hit off of the Brewers bullpen.
Beach Ball
on September 18, 2008 at 3:46 pm
Offense produces only 2 E-Ramis home runs, a Lassie woofer, and a fielders choice against this garbage? Really?
Brewers' Bullpen
on September 18, 2008 at 3:46 pm
No it’s not.
Comcast
on September 18, 2008 at 3:47 pm
I froze
Comcast
on September 18, 2008 at 3:47 pm
There I go. And Fontenot walked.
Neal Cotts
on September 18, 2008 at 3:52 pm
I am quite the lefty specialist. As Prince almost hits one through the outfield wall off of me.
Neal
on September 18, 2008 at 3:53 pm
So he warms me up for six innings, and I face one batter. Awesome.
Mike Wuertz
on September 18, 2008 at 3:53 pm
Here I come, with my slider of death.
Just which team I will kill with it, I have yet to decide.
Neal Cotts
on September 18, 2008 at 3:54 pm
I’ll be playing the role of Mark Guthrie in this year’s playoffs.
Lou
on September 18, 2008 at 3:54 pm
Yeah, you face one hitter and nearly give up a homer to him. Go fuck yourself, Neal.
Josh Hancock
on September 18, 2008 at 3:54 pm
I wish you playing he role of me, right now.
Lou
on September 18, 2008 at 3:54 pm
Not if I kill you with my bare hands first Cotts.
Mike Wuertz
on September 18, 2008 at 3:55 pm
Just what, exactly was that? Holy shit, I’m a spaz.
Prince Fielder
on September 18, 2008 at 3:56 pm
Take that Bitches! What’s my name?
Alfonso Soriano
on September 18, 2008 at 3:56 pm
Honestly, one of these days, you dopes are going to stop running on me.
Mike Wuertz
on September 18, 2008 at 3:56 pm
Wait, we were still trying to WIN this game? Why didn’t somebody tell me?
JJ Hardy
on September 18, 2008 at 3:56 pm
I was running like I had a Prince Fielder on my back.
Corey Hart
on September 18, 2008 at 3:57 pm
I’m dumb.
#135
on September 18, 2008 at 3:57 pm
It’s Cecil, right? What do I win??
Andy
on September 18, 2008 at 3:58 pm
A man with a full sized face would have beaten that throw.
Andy
on September 18, 2008 at 3:59 pm
Watch Theriot on pop ups, when the other guy calls for it he still gets way too close, just to be annoying, I guess.
Prince Fielder
on September 18, 2008 at 4:00 pm
#135 – You are correct and the proud new owner of a dozen fresh baked donuts. That’s baker’s dozen if you know what I mean!
Prince Fielder
on September 18, 2008 at 4:01 pm
Meant to say #140 . . .
Cubs
on September 18, 2008 at 4:01 pm
We’ll have this clinched by Monday, right? Right?
DP Lee
on September 18, 2008 at 4:04 pm
Friggin’ Theriot. Now I can’t hit into a double play.
Prince Fielder
on September 18, 2008 at 4:04 pm
#145 – Nope! Elmer Fudd has left the building and now anything is possible.
Prince Fielder
on September 18, 2008 at 4:05 pm
Oh, Yeah. I can hear the “Let’s go Brer’s chant.”
Andy
on September 18, 2008 at 4:05 pm
The only reliever the Cubs can hit is their closer.
Mark Attanasio
on September 18, 2008 at 4:06 pm
The Cubs should fire Lou Piniella. That’ll get this team back on track. Show them who’s boss. Fire ’em up.
Prince Fielder
on September 18, 2008 at 4:06 pm
Has Elmer returned to the friggin’ dugout?
Prince Fielder
on September 18, 2008 at 4:08 pm
Mark Attanasio, get Elmer out of this park now, damn it!!!
berkeleycubfan
on September 18, 2008 at 4:08 pm
You gotta be kidding me.
Kosuke
on September 18, 2008 at 4:08 pm
Hiro time, bitches!
Kosuke
on September 18, 2008 at 4:10 pm
That ball was supposed to hit the bag and roll into the left field corner.
Ryan Braun
on September 18, 2008 at 4:11 pm
My fielding expertise on E-ramis’ “double” opened the floodgates just like DeRosa’s botched double play.
Ryan Braun
on September 18, 2008 at 4:12 pm
I make Adam Dunn look like Willie Fucking Mays
Salomon Torres
on September 18, 2008 at 4:12 pm
Holy crap, I put that pitch to Soto on a tee.
Mark DeRosa
on September 18, 2008 at 4:13 pm
I’m getting cocky now with the fielding and what not.
Uh, Pat
on September 18, 2008 at 4:13 pm
Who is pitching?
Rickie Weeks
on September 18, 2008 at 4:13 pm
I’m out of Sveum jail!
Ugh, and I get to face Marmol.
Seth McLung
on September 18, 2008 at 4:14 pm
I’m supposed to start tomorrow in Cincinnati, and yet, I’m now warming up in the bullpen.
Dale Sveum
on September 18, 2008 at 4:15 pm
I’m still trying to get the hang of this whole bullpen management thing.
Rick Monday
on September 18, 2008 at 4:16 pm
What’s happening. Love the wry observations, but how ’bout sprinking in a fact or two?
Daryle Ward
on September 18, 2008 at 4:16 pm
Get ready to the do the Kangaroo hop off, folks!
Salomon Torres
on September 18, 2008 at 4:17 pm
I coughed up a four run lead with two outs and nobody on in the bottom of the ninth.
And that Marmot dude just set us down 1-2-3 in the top of the 10th.
Rick Monday
on September 18, 2008 at 4:17 pm
Oh. Tie game. Soto yank?
DPappy
on September 18, 2008 at 4:18 pm
I support human cloning….as long as the subject is Carlos Marmol and all clones are bound to the Chicago National League ballclub.
Rick Monday
on September 18, 2008 at 4:18 pm
Thanks Sol. For the info, and the on-field performance.
A few facts
on September 18, 2008 at 4:19 pm
– Harden had great stuff but little control of it
– The Brewers got a run with no hits in the first
– Lassie tied it with a homer
– The Brewers took the lead when Mark DeRosa’s error on a sure double play took a 2-1 lead and ended up with a 5-2 deficit
– It was 6-2 in the ninth when with two outs and nobody on, Ryan Braun let a line drive get through him for a double, Lassie singled to make it 6-3, Geovany hit a three run bomb to tie it at 6.
– Marmot tore through the Brewers in the top of the tenth
– Seth McLung is in to give up the game here in the bottom of the tenth
– Reed Johnson is leadingoff
Fonzie
on September 18, 2008 at 4:20 pm
I got this one, mang
Jack Brickhouse
on September 18, 2008 at 4:20 pm
Any ole kind of a run will win it.
I’d like to see one sail over the fence- a TRU-LINK fence.
Manny Parra
on September 18, 2008 at 4:20 pm
Does that mean I get to pitch tomorrow?!?! Andale, pendejos!
Ed Rapuano
on September 18, 2008 at 4:21 pm
I’m really, uh, shitty.
Alfonso Soriano
on September 18, 2008 at 4:21 pm
I get paid to eat guys like Seth McLung for dinner.
Ryan Theriot
on September 18, 2008 at 4:21 pm
You better not walk Soriano, I’m dangerous.
Andy
on September 18, 2008 at 4:22 pm
Here’s the problem. Everybody’s trying to win it with a homer now.
Seth McLung
on September 18, 2008 at 4:22 pm
I hope you’re really hungry.
Ryan Theriot
on September 18, 2008 at 4:23 pm
Fine, time for my second jack of the season!
Maybe I should try to get on base?
Seth McLung
on September 18, 2008 at 4:24 pm
Was I the road half of that Nedly platoon?
Seth McLung
on September 18, 2008 at 4:24 pm
Struck out the side. Whoo, this was easy!
Kerry Wood
on September 18, 2008 at 4:25 pm
OK, how many can I give up today? One? Two? Oh, it’s tied? I’m not sure what to do with that.
Rick Monday
on September 18, 2008 at 4:25 pm
Dempster gave a cap tip to “Hank White” in the postgame the other night. Does that make it official?
He’s also fond of hockey-style nicknames (Sori, Rami). Hoser!
Just tryin’ to kill time between innigns.
Neal Cotts
on September 18, 2008 at 4:27 pm
So when you get right down to it I’m the reason this game isn’t over yet.
Michael Wuertz
on September 18, 2008 at 4:28 pm
Hey, I helped too.
Mark DeRosa
on September 18, 2008 at 4:28 pm
Don’t look at me, guys. I had nothing to do with this. Seriously.
Kerry Wood
on September 18, 2008 at 4:33 pm
See ya Cecil
Lassie
on September 18, 2008 at 4:34 pm
I’m in the hole
Rick Monday
on September 18, 2008 at 4:34 pm
Update? It’s actually less painful when Wood’s pitching with no margin for error and I don’t have to watch.
Rick Monday
on September 18, 2008 at 4:36 pm
For the 2003 Cubs, Derosa’s boot would have been uncomebackfromable.
Strikeout
on September 18, 2008 at 4:36 pm
The last eight outs have been me
Strikeout
on September 18, 2008 at 4:37 pm
Make that nine
E-ramis
on September 18, 2008 at 4:37 pm
Throw me a strike!
E-ramis
on September 18, 2008 at 4:37 pm
You pay on this pitch.
DP Lee
on September 18, 2008 at 4:38 pm
At least I didn’t hit into a DP.
Andy
on September 18, 2008 at 4:38 pm
Oh, he just missed that.
Lassie
on September 18, 2008 at 4:38 pm
Time to go shopping at the Gap. I love the Gap!
Can't Anybody
on September 18, 2008 at 4:39 pm
Put the ball in play?
Timmy
on September 18, 2008 at 4:39 pm
Come on Lassie, get a hit for me!
Lassie
on September 18, 2008 at 4:40 pm
I got thrown out during my at bat?
Ed Rapuano
on September 18, 2008 at 4:41 pm
I’m a rank fucking amateur but I’m throwing Edmonds out anyway.
Andy
on September 18, 2008 at 4:41 pm
What the fuck is up Ed Rapuano’s ass?
Ed Rapuano
on September 18, 2008 at 4:42 pm
Yes Lassie you did. Because I’m a shitty umpire with thin skin.
Ed Rapuano
on September 18, 2008 at 4:43 pm
My head is Andy.
Felix
on September 18, 2008 at 4:43 pm
Time to show off my new stroke.
I’m swinging at anything here.
MLB Gameday
on September 18, 2008 at 4:43 pm
Did home plate suddenly move to the right-hander batters box in Lassie’s AB?
Felix, PA
on September 18, 2008 at 4:44 pm
Time to start writing my legend. Get ready on Sheffield.
Felix Pie
on September 18, 2008 at 4:44 pm
Hahaha, good thing this at-bat counts for Edmonds. Thanks for the 1-2 count, dipshit!
Felix, PA
on September 18, 2008 at 4:45 pm
OK, now I’m on first with two out. I need to be stealing here. It IS Jason Kendall back there, right?
Mark Slumpbuster
on September 18, 2008 at 4:45 pm
I’ll make up for that error
Andy
on September 18, 2008 at 4:45 pm
As red as Rapuano’s ass is, I’m surprised he didn’t just throw McLung out.
Felix Pie
on September 18, 2008 at 4:46 pm
I have relocated the winning run to third!
DPappy
on September 18, 2008 at 4:46 pm
Wow, even with a large margin of error on GameDay, the pitch that got Edmonds tossed was CLEARLY a ball.
Soto
on September 18, 2008 at 4:46 pm
Don’t worry guys, I got this.
berkeleycubfan
on September 18, 2008 at 4:46 pm
Lemme guess, they IBB Soto?
McLung
on September 18, 2008 at 4:47 pm
I’ve got a wild pitch in me.
Andy
on September 18, 2008 at 4:47 pm
Bob Howry is now coming in. He’s going to need that mile wide strike zone.
berkeleycubfan
on September 18, 2008 at 4:47 pm
Shit.
This Umpiring Crew
on September 18, 2008 at 4:48 pm
Is the Hat Trick of Suck:
Joe West
C.B. Bucknor
Ed Rapuano
Yikes
on September 18, 2008 at 4:48 pm
Bob Howry is now coming in. He’s going to need that mile wide strike zone.
Hope you guys like us.
You suck Dick Stockton.
Believe it or not, today I feel like pounding some bush!!
Did someone say Bush?
I’m up against Bush today.
Humorous lineups for me, please.
DOOOOOOOOM
Can I get a fluffer out here? Something’s not right.
I decided to pitch again today.
Which one of our dumbass second basemen threw to second on that play?
What is with Rich Harden’s embarassing disco dance pregame throwing regimen that Comcast is showing?
Ghey.
Sorry, Andy. I’ll try to do better next time.
HEEY!!! I’m incredibly irritating to listen to call a game because I can’t gauge home run distance anymore! GET UP!!! GET UP!!!!!! Edmonds under it…..one out.
I demanded Harden prove he could throw hard today, so now he’s throwing 94 with no control instead of 90 with it.
29 pitches for Harden already? Shit, he’ll be lucky to go three today.
I’m ready to pitch! I’m finally done sifting through dumpsters trying to find Chad Fox’s career.
I’m here to kill any rally.
I told him to strike out Hart. I’m that good.
Counsell, again? Who’s a brother got to shank to get a start around here?
If this inning lasts any longer Dave Bush won’t be starting on short rest anymore.
Harden’s got it all wrong. No towel in his weird pregame drill and his sideburns are not up to code.
We’re going to regret only getting one run there.
Hittin’ shoes! I hope you boys wore your hittin’ shoes!
I’m pretty sure that Lou used all the potential long relievers for an inning each in yesterday’s game (Guzman, Marshall, Wells, and Hart). So either one of those guys is going to try and pitch again or we’re really going to see how many guys Samardzija can walk today.
Never fear bitches!! I’m ready to go 3 or 4 innings today!
Is the wind howling out? Harden smoked the Cardinals last week by pitching to contact and letting them helplessly ground out and pop up, he seems hell bent on striking out or walking every Brewer.
Compared to this guy my strike zone last night was competent.
I’m still throwing a no-hitter, bitches.
I blowing in as hard as I can.
If I was blowing out Braun would have hit it out.
Only 54 pitches through 2 innings.
Woof!
Once this line-up gets one look at me I will go 0 to suck in about an inning.
Oppo again, bitches!
Or maybe just five hitters.
Woof.
I am the epitome of style and grace in the outfield.
I’ve been in a slump for a while. Is there anything I can do to break out of it?
Corey Hart went to the Lassie school of outfield defense.
Collies dig the long ball
Well, maybe the wind is taking Harden’s pitches? Nah, I can’t think of why he’s so averse to letting the Brewers get themselves out.
Although, there’s a one pitch at bat for an out.
Man, I’m hungry
“Only” 63 pitches through three so I may be around for six/seven innings.
Andy – don’t you make fun of any inch of Princie or Braunie or Hartie or any of the other players who’s prima donna behavior I excused for the last three years.
Woo! I’m going 5 innings today, ogdens!
HAHA RICHEY, I WIN!
Where did we leave our wooden sticks to hit the ball with, today?
Hey, I threw somebody out!
I’ll kill you for trying to run on me Fonzie. I know where you live.
Somehow, unbelievably, I am among the best in throwing base stealer out this year. WTF?!
So for us cocksuckers at work, is Harden missing his spots, or is Ed Rapuano doing his Joe West impersonation?
I can’t hit but I’m still a hell of an outfielder
Que pasa?
#50, I’m not watching either but according to Pat & Ron, his control just flat out sucked in the first inning.
According to Game Day I almost had a second woofer. Was it really that close?
Walking the opposing pitcher to lead off an inning is always a good thing.
I thought it was Lassie.
Rapuano is squeezing Harden some.
Sucks now. What ever happened to everyone who used to come on this site?
Andy, your articles are still second to none but the people on here now suck balls.
Peace.
I love squeezing some hardon.
I think in the last 26 innings by our starters, we’ve given up 5 hits, mostly by du Suck.
There goes my no hitter.
I’m up in the bullpen.
Suck it J.J.
Great Escape. On pace for 200 pitches!
Has my luster worn off?
I had a good at-bat.
If I can’t hit this guy I need to pack it in.
Man I suck.
Pack it in, doge
Wow, Andy wasn’t lying when he said that he wouldn’t switch it back for the gamecasts.
continues
Man, am I a slob.
Forget Alex Gonzalez………………….now!
Holy shit do I suck today.
Hi all
Is the smarjakljfdkljka experiment over yet? You need more than 1 pitch guy.
Take me out I fucking suck.
Fucking piece of shit domer.
I have September 26 in the “What Day do the Cubs Clinch” pool.
I suck.
I should have become a wide receiver.
Not all his fault guys! If I know how to field a ground ball, this inning ends 2-1.
Lou sleeping in the dugout?
That is all.
At least my ERA goes down.
Cubs pitchers can’t get enough of me today!
De Rosa aside, Samardzija is Farnsworth all over again. The only difference is that he had a couple good innings to start his career. If it weren’t for the bizarre Chicago obsession with Notre Dame, you all would realize this.
Does Lou want the Brewers to be the Wild Card team?
The Cubs don’t want to clinch with a Milwaukee loss tomorrow night. They want to clinch on Sunday after winning the first two against St. Louis. When Milwaukee splits their next two games, the Cubs can clinch Sunday afternoon on the mound and all that good stuff that no one really cares about. Yep.
There is plenty of Brewers bullpen to get the Cubs back in it. Last night was the exception the proves the suck.
I’ll be killing this rally soon enough.
Hey, 88. How’d you like to see how far up your ass I can stick a size 12?
See.
I’m uncanny.
I heard the Cubs had something for me today.
I’m automatic.
Going to be tough to win playoff games with me.
I just read the link in #1. Holy shit, Brian Anderson is doing the playoffs? He’s the dullest asshole….ever. He’s horrendously bad.
…more Randy Wells!
I got one! I got one!
I always knew I’d have a record breaking year.
Whoo, on fire!
I got another one!
Shit, this is easy
Man, we can’t sing for shit.
Kosuke in September – 2-18, .111
Mark DeRosa in September – 7-44, .159
Hot damn, can’t go wrong either way!
You forgot me.
I’m taking the day off today.
Why is everyone standing in the booth? It’s very uncomfortable looking.
No. No, I didn’t.
Hey, the Cubs just want to get me over because they’re leaving to go on the road.
Wait…
Hey, maybe the Cubs will need me, not the Astros!
Oh, I crack myself up.
Right?
Wow, the Brewers bullpen is really, really good.
Actually we’re not. You guys just suck right now.
Anyone feeling grossly ill about the bullpen heading into the playoffs. Will we carry 11 pitchers? Dempster, Z, Hardin, Lilly, Wood, Marmol, Cotts, Marshall, Marquis, Howry, Guzman…….
I’ll be ready for the playoffs.
I am here to save the day. I will make you all forget the names of Howry, Wuertz, Samardizja.
Three hits? Three goddamn hits?
We clinched already, right?
See you guys tomorrow
Maybe
It is impossible to get a hit off of the Brewers bullpen.
Offense produces only 2 E-Ramis home runs, a Lassie woofer, and a fielders choice against this garbage? Really?
No it’s not.
I froze
There I go. And Fontenot walked.
I am quite the lefty specialist. As Prince almost hits one through the outfield wall off of me.
So he warms me up for six innings, and I face one batter. Awesome.
Here I come, with my slider of death.
Just which team I will kill with it, I have yet to decide.
I’ll be playing the role of Mark Guthrie in this year’s playoffs.
Yeah, you face one hitter and nearly give up a homer to him. Go fuck yourself, Neal.
I wish you playing he role of me, right now.
Not if I kill you with my bare hands first Cotts.
Just what, exactly was that? Holy shit, I’m a spaz.
Take that Bitches! What’s my name?
Honestly, one of these days, you dopes are going to stop running on me.
Wait, we were still trying to WIN this game? Why didn’t somebody tell me?
I was running like I had a Prince Fielder on my back.
I’m dumb.
It’s Cecil, right? What do I win??
A man with a full sized face would have beaten that throw.
Watch Theriot on pop ups, when the other guy calls for it he still gets way too close, just to be annoying, I guess.
#135 – You are correct and the proud new owner of a dozen fresh baked donuts. That’s baker’s dozen if you know what I mean!
Meant to say #140 . . .
We’ll have this clinched by Monday, right? Right?
Friggin’ Theriot. Now I can’t hit into a double play.
#145 – Nope! Elmer Fudd has left the building and now anything is possible.
Oh, Yeah. I can hear the “Let’s go Brer’s chant.”
The only reliever the Cubs can hit is their closer.
The Cubs should fire Lou Piniella. That’ll get this team back on track. Show them who’s boss. Fire ’em up.
Has Elmer returned to the friggin’ dugout?
Mark Attanasio, get Elmer out of this park now, damn it!!!
You gotta be kidding me.
Hiro time, bitches!
That ball was supposed to hit the bag and roll into the left field corner.
My fielding expertise on E-ramis’ “double” opened the floodgates just like DeRosa’s botched double play.
I make Adam Dunn look like Willie Fucking Mays
Holy crap, I put that pitch to Soto on a tee.
I’m getting cocky now with the fielding and what not.
Who is pitching?
I’m out of Sveum jail!
Ugh, and I get to face Marmol.
I’m supposed to start tomorrow in Cincinnati, and yet, I’m now warming up in the bullpen.
I’m still trying to get the hang of this whole bullpen management thing.
What’s happening. Love the wry observations, but how ’bout sprinking in a fact or two?
Get ready to the do the Kangaroo hop off, folks!
I coughed up a four run lead with two outs and nobody on in the bottom of the ninth.
And that Marmot dude just set us down 1-2-3 in the top of the 10th.
Oh. Tie game. Soto yank?
I support human cloning….as long as the subject is Carlos Marmol and all clones are bound to the Chicago National League ballclub.
Thanks Sol. For the info, and the on-field performance.
– Harden had great stuff but little control of it
– The Brewers got a run with no hits in the first
– Lassie tied it with a homer
– The Brewers took the lead when Mark DeRosa’s error on a sure double play took a 2-1 lead and ended up with a 5-2 deficit
– It was 6-2 in the ninth when with two outs and nobody on, Ryan Braun let a line drive get through him for a double, Lassie singled to make it 6-3, Geovany hit a three run bomb to tie it at 6.
– Marmot tore through the Brewers in the top of the tenth
– Seth McLung is in to give up the game here in the bottom of the tenth
– Reed Johnson is leadingoff
I got this one, mang
Any ole kind of a run will win it.
I’d like to see one sail over the fence- a TRU-LINK fence.
Does that mean I get to pitch tomorrow?!?! Andale, pendejos!
I’m really, uh, shitty.
I get paid to eat guys like Seth McLung for dinner.
You better not walk Soriano, I’m dangerous.
Here’s the problem. Everybody’s trying to win it with a homer now.
I hope you’re really hungry.
Fine, time for my second jack of the season!
Maybe I should try to get on base?
Was I the road half of that Nedly platoon?
Struck out the side. Whoo, this was easy!
OK, how many can I give up today? One? Two? Oh, it’s tied? I’m not sure what to do with that.
Dempster gave a cap tip to “Hank White” in the postgame the other night. Does that make it official?
He’s also fond of hockey-style nicknames (Sori, Rami). Hoser!
Just tryin’ to kill time between innigns.
So when you get right down to it I’m the reason this game isn’t over yet.
Hey, I helped too.
Don’t look at me, guys. I had nothing to do with this. Seriously.
See ya Cecil
I’m in the hole
Update? It’s actually less painful when Wood’s pitching with no margin for error and I don’t have to watch.
For the 2003 Cubs, Derosa’s boot would have been uncomebackfromable.
The last eight outs have been me
Make that nine
Throw me a strike!
You pay on this pitch.
At least I didn’t hit into a DP.
Oh, he just missed that.
Time to go shopping at the Gap. I love the Gap!
Put the ball in play?
Come on Lassie, get a hit for me!
I got thrown out during my at bat?
I’m a rank fucking amateur but I’m throwing Edmonds out anyway.
What the fuck is up Ed Rapuano’s ass?
Yes Lassie you did. Because I’m a shitty umpire with thin skin.
My head is Andy.
Time to show off my new stroke.
I’m swinging at anything here.
Did home plate suddenly move to the right-hander batters box in Lassie’s AB?
Time to start writing my legend. Get ready on Sheffield.
Hahaha, good thing this at-bat counts for Edmonds. Thanks for the 1-2 count, dipshit!
OK, now I’m on first with two out. I need to be stealing here. It IS Jason Kendall back there, right?
I’ll make up for that error
As red as Rapuano’s ass is, I’m surprised he didn’t just throw McLung out.
I have relocated the winning run to third!
Wow, even with a large margin of error on GameDay, the pitch that got Edmonds tossed was CLEARLY a ball.
Don’t worry guys, I got this.
Lemme guess, they IBB Soto?
I’ve got a wild pitch in me.
Bob Howry is now coming in. He’s going to need that mile wide strike zone.
Shit.
Is the Hat Trick of Suck:
Joe West
C.B. Bucknor
Ed Rapuano
Bob Howry is now coming in. He’s going to need that mile wide strike zone.
September 18th, 2008 at 4:47 pm
DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!!!!!!!
Remember what Brenly said about this crew earlier in the year:
“It’s nice that they put all the bad umpires on one crew.”
Soooprise. Kerry’s going a second inning.
My strike zone just shrunk considerably.
Not all of them Andy. Not all of them.
How many games can I suspend Edmonds for that?
Apparently two innings of Kerry equals one of Bob.
Those guys can’t carry Bruce Froemming’s walking stick!
I’m really not a good third base coach.
Hey, I worked today. Will surprises never cease.
Holy goddamn shit.
Do I lead off the 12th?
Finally, we get Daryle.
Time to hop off!
Update?
Rapuano not even bothering with appeals anymore.
At least Seth is smart enough not to throw him a fastball.
Kerry got out of a second and third nobody out in the top of the 12th. Daryle Ward leading off the bottom of the inning.
Full count.
Oh, it’s not Seth. It’s Villanueva, not Hector.
Ball four, on a pitch a lot closer to being a strike than either of the ones Edmonds got.
Marquis comes out of the pouch to run for Daryle.
Reed’s up, likely bunting.
Marquis is running instead of Ronny, because Ronny is dumb.
Villanueva doesn’t want the out on the bunt. Two balls and nothing.
Reed with a good bunt. Marquis to second, one out. Soriano and Theriot due up next.
Dale Sveum’s nubbin is walking Soriano.
Theriot flies to right, Marquis to third.
It’s up to Lee.
There was a time when I felt good about Lee up in this situation
Soriano steals second.
Second and third, two out.
He’s not a bad guy here. He’s shortened his swing, he’s got enough brains just to try to drive one into the outfield.
Cubs win!!!!!!!
Single to center!
The magic number is TWOOOOOOOOO!
SWEEEEEEEEEEEET!!!!!
DeeLeecious
Cubs Win!
Wow. Glad I stuck around listening to this one.
In your face Milwaukee!
Could be awesome, yo
Whaaaa? Bases…were…clogged. HOW DID YOU GUYS DO THAT SHIT AND NOT HAVE IT FAIL?
/head explodes
/toothpick falls to ground
Flap, flap, flappity
If comebacks were semen this thing would have been a Bukakke Party 9!
MORE PODCASTS… please.
Yeah Andy more podcasts, I come here everyday in hopes to hear yours and Bad Kerm’s awesome insight and wonderful views of the Cubs….Feed US!!!!
It’s been a while since you guys nominated a new Dumbass Du Jour