Always wanted to do that…assholishness runs deep in my genes
Rain Out
on April 21, 2009 at 6:37 pm
Am I happening again or is this shit going down?
Lineups
on April 21, 2009 at 6:58 pm
Dustbags
Wily Coyote, cf
Bruce Dickinson, More Cowbell
Joe Votto, 1b
Brandon Phillips, 2b
They Call Me Bruce, rf
Eddie Encarnacion, 3b
Ramon Hernandez, c
Sea Bass, ss
Micah Owings, p
Cubs
Alfonse, lf
Fukkake, cf
6-4 Lee, 1b
Hoff Power, rf
E-ramis, 3b
Fontegnome, 2b
Geo Soto, c
Dance Fever, ss
Dick Harden, p
Dusty
on April 21, 2009 at 7:00 pm
Dude, I play the brothers in the sun, whities at night I’m going to play my amphibians tonight!
Thank God for WGN
on April 21, 2009 at 7:01 pm
I live in Ohio.. and will do ANYTHING to not have to hear George Grande and Chris Welsh’s idiocy….
Weather
on April 21, 2009 at 7:01 pm
Shitty, but playable.
You know, like the Reds.
George Grande
on April 21, 2009 at 7:02 pm
I was the first thing ever on ESPN. So suck it, Six.
Joey Lawrence
on April 21, 2009 at 7:02 pm
“Suck it, Six.”
That’s what I used to say on the set of Blossom.
The Hoff
on April 21, 2009 at 7:02 pm
Batting cleanup… i like it
The Hoff
on April 21, 2009 at 7:04 pm
Who wants to watch me eat a Wendy’s cheeseburger while rolling around on the floor, drunk and shirtless?
I’m going to be on TV tonight during the rain delay!
Seriously. During the Cubs game. I work for the Cubs, remember? I got your blood sugar meter autographed by Ron Santo for Christmas, remember?
You know what? Fuck you, mom. Sorry. OK, you happy now? I’m sorry I’m bald and a lawyer.
It’s Mike, your son! Oh, never mind.
Dr. Dolittle 3
on April 21, 2009 at 7:08 pm
#13’s link reveals that I was actually made. Who knew?
Mike Lufrano's scalp
on April 21, 2009 at 7:08 pm
I’m shiny.
Gordon Wittenmyer
on April 21, 2009 at 7:09 pm
Did #15 just call Milton a shine? I’m going to go tell him.
**skips towards clubhouse**
Lou Piniella
on April 21, 2009 at 7:11 pm
I haven’t talked to Jim. He’s still in Iowa. He’ll be in tomorrow afternoon. You ever seen the breakfasts they make in Iowa? Like Jim was going to miss one of those.
Sloth
on April 21, 2009 at 7:11 pm
Yeah, Hoff, yer right. Anything involving cheezburgers is porn to me.
Andy
on April 21, 2009 at 7:12 pm
What intrepid reporter asked Lou about “the sudden rain out on Sunday?” Sudden, it only rained for 12 hours.
Sloth
on April 21, 2009 at 7:12 pm
I put over/under on Harden K’s – 12.
I put over/under on Harden innings – 5.1
#20
on April 21, 2009 at 7:13 pm
Under
Over
The Hoff
on April 21, 2009 at 7:13 pm
Better lube up before you watch this, then, Sloth.
They gave Len and Bob a four-pound pretzel? Wow. I’d leave three pounds of it in the press box crapper during the sixth.
Andy
on April 21, 2009 at 7:15 pm
I’ll go over on the K’s, under on the innings.
Fourteen K’s in five innings and 179 pitches.
Grabass
on April 21, 2009 at 7:15 pm
Geo is playing me in the dugout.
Geo
on April 21, 2009 at 7:16 pm
Only 2nd in NL Rookie of the Year voting? Suck it, Votto.
Reds' lineup
on April 21, 2009 at 7:16 pm
Has five guys hitting under .200, and the best hitter in the lineup is the pitcher. Shit, he ought to be batting third, not ninth.
Andy
on April 21, 2009 at 7:16 pm
Harden has struck out 18 guys in NINE innings this season.
Andy
on April 21, 2009 at 7:18 pm
Is it 14 degrees there? Dusty’s wearing a fucking parka.
Dusty Baker
on April 21, 2009 at 7:18 pm
I look like a black Stay Puft marshmallow man in this jacket
Dusty
on April 21, 2009 at 7:18 pm
My idea… dress like an umpire… they’ll never suspect
Dude
on April 21, 2009 at 7:18 pm
Black parka. Dude.
Milton Bradley's groin
on April 21, 2009 at 7:19 pm
Over at Yellonpalooza they’re upset that Milton’s not playing tonight. Yes, by all means let’s play a guy with a bad groin on a wet field when it’s colder than shit.
K's
on April 21, 2009 at 7:19 pm
There’s 1
Reds
on April 21, 2009 at 7:20 pm
We all drilled holes in our bats before the game…. seems to be working
Joey Votto's midget arms
on April 21, 2009 at 7:20 pm
The only pitch I can hit is on the inner half. By all means throw it there. Everybody else does.
Dusty
on April 21, 2009 at 7:21 pm
Nice. We’ll wear him down, he threw like seven pitches that inning.
Hardin change-up
on April 21, 2009 at 7:21 pm
Im more confusing than dusty baker
254
on April 21, 2009 at 7:22 pm
Over/under on the number of times “dude” is used in this Cubs Live
Vaunted D'backs farm system
on April 21, 2009 at 7:24 pm
Micah Owings? Is he the one who hit and not pitch, or the one who couldn’t pitch but got to fuck Jennie Finch?
Wily Coyote
on April 21, 2009 at 7:24 pm
I almost just got my head taken off there
Kosuke
on April 21, 2009 at 7:25 pm
What in the name of Mt. Fuji is going on with this weather?
Why don’t they put a lid on this dump?
Kos-K
on April 21, 2009 at 7:26 pm
Just like old times.
Ted Lilly
on April 21, 2009 at 7:26 pm
I’ve been sick, so I think I’ll sit it in the dugout in a sweatshirt.
Rosie O'Donnell
on April 21, 2009 at 7:27 pm
Hey Bob, catcher’s gear isn’t the only thing that gets heavy when it’s wet.
Brewers
on April 21, 2009 at 7:29 pm
Down 5-1 to Philly.
Wow, we suck.
Anne Marie Donohoe
on April 21, 2009 at 7:30 pm
I told my doctor that no matter how bad my knees were I needed to keep playing badminton.
He laughed until he peed a little.
#49
on April 21, 2009 at 7:30 pm
Good thing they had that playoff experience when the Cubs came to town 2nd series of the season right?
Len
on April 21, 2009 at 7:30 pm
The Reds’ logo is similar to the Bears’ logo. You know, except that it’s fucking red.
Phil Rogers
on April 21, 2009 at 7:31 pm
The Brewers are just setting up their SNEAK ATTACK!
Fonte
on April 21, 2009 at 7:32 pm
Who’s the best 2B here Phillips??? WHO?? That’s right
Brandon Phillips
on April 21, 2009 at 7:32 pm
Shit, if that dude was two inches shorter I’d have a single.
And he’d be a toddler.
Fontenot
on April 21, 2009 at 7:32 pm
That line drive was a good four feet in the air.
Mike Fontento
on April 21, 2009 at 7:32 pm
If only I were two inches taller, I could’ve caught that ball standing up AND I could finally ride the ferris wheel at Navy Pier.
Rob Goldman
on April 21, 2009 at 7:32 pm
What’s that 55? Who are we talking about? Is this little fella within 100 yards of my house in Gurnee?
Santo
on April 21, 2009 at 7:33 pm
And Pat, it’s a good thing Fontenot is 6’6″
Andy
on April 21, 2009 at 7:33 pm
Wind howling in, guy batting .179. Home run.
Well, sure.
Harden
on April 21, 2009 at 7:33 pm
I’m gonna keep pitching that left side of the plate ok guys?
Dustbag
on April 21, 2009 at 7:33 pm
Sweet home run dude. I told him to do that.
Dusty
on April 21, 2009 at 7:34 pm
Why walk when you can homer?
It just makes sense.
Ron Santo
on April 21, 2009 at 7:35 pm
That homer was so horrific, it’s like I witnessed the apocalypse. Yes, it’s April 21, and it’s 1-0 in the second inning. I have nothing but perspective.
WGN
on April 21, 2009 at 7:36 pm
Let’s just keep playing old Super Bowl commercials over and over and maybe we won’t suck.
Ozzy Osbourne
on April 21, 2009 at 7:37 pm
My last line in that World of Warcraft commercial is the first intelligible thing I’ve said in 30 years, and they still closed captioned it.
#65
on April 21, 2009 at 7:37 pm
That and World of Warcraft Commercials during a sporting event… what kind of demographic do they think we are?
North Side Twist
on April 21, 2009 at 7:37 pm
I’m either a giant pretzel or a gay bar.
Luna
on April 21, 2009 at 7:38 pm
Old Super bowl commercials beat ours, #65.
Andy
on April 21, 2009 at 7:38 pm
I don’t know, maybe the kind of guys who would watch a game while sitting at their computers?
Micah
on April 21, 2009 at 7:39 pm
Thanks, Bruce. I think I will try to go deep to right!
TheHoff
on April 21, 2009 at 7:39 pm
Don’t hassle with me— GONE
HOFF...
on April 21, 2009 at 7:39 pm
…POWER!
idiot fans
on April 21, 2009 at 7:39 pm
this *proves* that Hoffpauir should be starting over Lee!
Dusty
on April 21, 2009 at 7:40 pm
We should have walked that dude.
Hoffpauir
on April 21, 2009 at 7:40 pm
I own Micah
Mouthbreathing Fans
on April 21, 2009 at 7:41 pm
You’re wrong, idiot fans. Jake Fox would have hit that ball all the way onto Sheffield, and clearly should be starting over both Hoff and Lee.
Steve Phillips
on April 21, 2009 at 7:42 pm
Aramis isn’t off to a good start.
(.500 – 7 for his last 14)
The Hoff
on April 21, 2009 at 7:42 pm
I am going to dominate interleague play as the DH. You know, if Crazy Milton ever comes back to play RF.
Obvious
on April 21, 2009 at 7:42 pm
Who needed a lefthanded hitting Bradley to break up Lee and A-Ram in the lineup, should have saved 30 million and gave HOFFpower the job outright. Dumb Hendry.
Jake Fox after 11 games
on April 21, 2009 at 7:43 pm
22 RBI
Gordon Wittenmyer
on April 21, 2009 at 7:44 pm
Milton, listen to those racist fans cheering for your white replacement.
Fonzie
on April 21, 2009 at 7:44 pm
AYEEEEEEEEE! I’m going dee……walked.
Len
on April 21, 2009 at 7:45 pm
That was the first time a guy named Micah has homered off a guy named Micah.
(Somewhere Ed Hartig is weeping that he didn’t figure that out first.)
Hoff power
on April 21, 2009 at 7:45 pm
Hah, you are a hack, Fox. I drove in 100 runs in Iowa in 13 games last year. (80, 13, whatever.)
Dusty
on April 21, 2009 at 7:46 pm
I had a little dude on one of my teams need Therry-ott. Nice kid. I think he’s pumping gas now.
Dusty
on April 21, 2009 at 7:47 pm
Either I have brown leather gloves on, or I just gave Dick Pole a very messy prostate exam.
AB
on April 21, 2009 at 7:49 pm
That was a great one
Dance Fever
on April 21, 2009 at 7:49 pm
By all means give me a pitch to hit, you wouldn’t want Rich Harden up with the bases loaded.
Reds' pitching coach
on April 21, 2009 at 7:49 pm
I don’t see why Dusty wears that dang parca. He can just light some toothpicks on fire to keep warm. Especially if their in his mouth at the time.
Dance Fever with a knock. Time to head to the mound to calm down my slugger, er, pitcher.
actually, i’m an old desipiot, haven’t been around in about a year or so, but I have wasted many hours of my life at this website. you may know me from such contributions as discovering rubby perez, and coining the nickname ron ce… oh how humiliating.
Brewers
on April 21, 2009 at 7:56 pm
Hey, we’re only down 10-3 now. And something named RJ Swindle is pitching for us now.
Dusty
on April 21, 2009 at 7:56 pm
I don’t know why they have Theriot out there. Isn’t that surfer dude Bobby Crosby avaiable.
Rubby Perez
on April 21, 2009 at 7:56 pm
Bueno!
Cubs fan in Milwaukee
on April 21, 2009 at 7:57 pm
MLB trade rumors.com says that i can be in game shape in 3 weeks if i was signed soon. I better break out my new leash and spiked collar…well, besides the other night. Oh, forget it.
Aaron Harang's rookie card
on April 21, 2009 at 7:58 pm
my goal is to be the first pitcher to lead the majors in strikeouts, while leading the league in starts less than 5 innings.
Nick Swisher
on April 21, 2009 at 7:59 pm
Is it bad when i’m a better pitcher than Micah Owings?
Owings
on April 21, 2009 at 7:59 pm
Anyone have Rick Ankiel’s number?
Restraining order
on April 21, 2009 at 7:59 pm
Len’s fascination with Micah Owings’ batting prowess will lead to me.
Rich Harden
on April 21, 2009 at 7:59 pm
so far, so good.
chip caray
on April 21, 2009 at 8:01 pm
hey #114, don’t you mean restraining batting order? nyuk nyuk
Prince Fielder
on April 21, 2009 at 8:02 pm
Looks like it’s time for me to kick Manny Parra’s ass again.
dan
on April 21, 2009 at 8:02 pm
seriously though, it might not be such a bad idea to pick up lassie…
That Aleve commercial
on April 21, 2009 at 8:02 pm
Seriously. Who plays horseshoes? As Dave Atell said, there’s only two ways a game of horseshoes can end: This sucks, let’s do something else, or, ouch, you hit me with the horseshoe.
Stoney
on April 21, 2009 at 8:03 pm
Leave the jokes to me, Chippy. Hawk, take care of my light work, sir.
Joey Votto
on April 21, 2009 at 8:04 pm
My GPS is on the fritz.
Votto
on April 21, 2009 at 8:05 pm
I have vertego.
Steve Stone
on April 21, 2009 at 8:05 pm
Pirates catcher Ryan Doumit will be on the DL for 8 to 10 weeks after wrist surgery.
Hurts, Doumit?
votto
on April 21, 2009 at 8:05 pm
lost it in the sun
therick711
on April 21, 2009 at 8:05 pm
Derrek Lee’s pop foul would have been caught. Just proves how much better Hoffpower is.
Micah Hoffpauir
on April 21, 2009 at 8:06 pm
Hi Joey, thanks for tanking that pop-up so I could eventually walk.
You’re tiny.
DLee
on April 21, 2009 at 8:07 pm
Huh, didn’t Votto come off the bag early? I mean, I would know, eh?
Well played, Sir
on April 21, 2009 at 8:07 pm
#123
caduet dude
on April 21, 2009 at 8:08 pm
I stepped on the line
steve stone
on April 21, 2009 at 8:08 pm
hey votto, hows the visibility?
Snuggie
on April 21, 2009 at 8:09 pm
len finally endorsed me!!!
wayne messmer
on April 21, 2009 at 8:10 pm
be’ruuuce, i mean be’rave!
Stoney
on April 21, 2009 at 8:10 pm
Chip, there’s alot of Dick in this matchup in the top of the 4th, eh? Why is Jim Edmonds banging on the press box door?
Fat calico cat
on April 21, 2009 at 8:11 pm
Oooh, I’m cursing the Cubs! Oooh!
Lassie
on April 21, 2009 at 8:12 pm
I am chasing that cat, if I were there
PETA
on April 21, 2009 at 8:12 pm
We are gonna be all over that ball boy’s ass. He might as well quit now.
Usher
on April 21, 2009 at 8:12 pm
My cat handling skills are impressive. I fully expect for Peta to light my car on fire during the game.
PETA
on April 21, 2009 at 8:12 pm
did he just pick that cat up by it’s tail? can they do that?
Lassie
on April 21, 2009 at 8:13 pm
Let’s just say pussy didn’t bother me when I was in Chicago.
PEDA
on April 21, 2009 at 8:13 pm
We seen that, balldude. Lawsuit is coming.
chip carey
on April 21, 2009 at 8:13 pm
now playing right micha hoff-meower.
#138
on April 21, 2009 at 8:13 pm
Or anywhere else for that matter.
Andy
on April 21, 2009 at 8:14 pm
My sister used to carry cats around like that. They loved her. And they showed their love for her by crapping in her shoes.
And not only did the usher pick the cat up by the tail, he just threw it into the stands like it was a foul ball.
stoney
on April 21, 2009 at 8:14 pm
you should have gone with feline pie
Cubs fans in left field
on April 21, 2009 at 8:15 pm
We don’t want that damn thing in the stands with us, you dumbass.
Ted Lilly
on April 21, 2009 at 8:15 pm
You know that saying about “Many ways to skin a cat?”
Allow me to demonstrate.
Cat
on April 21, 2009 at 8:16 pm
That usher will be hearing from my lawyer. I am PISSED.
chip
on April 21, 2009 at 8:16 pm
nothing like wrigley field. this place is littered with surprises.
steve bartman
on April 21, 2009 at 8:17 pm
nice grab huh?
Len Kasper
on April 21, 2009 at 8:17 pm
Last at bat, Bruce hit a feline drive homer to right.
Al
on April 21, 2009 at 8:17 pm
I had almost the same reaction as Alou. Too bad I would have needed a trampoline to get to that.
Bartman's ghost
on April 21, 2009 at 8:17 pm
I struck again!!!!!!!!!!
Gordon Wittenmyer
on April 21, 2009 at 8:18 pm
Those racist Cubs fans are booing the white guy who caught the foul ball.
cat
on April 21, 2009 at 8:18 pm
my lawyer better not fuck this up, last time i got busted for purrrrrrrjury….
153
on April 21, 2009 at 8:19 pm
LOL
Andy
on April 21, 2009 at 8:19 pm
Bob is trying to explain that Alfonso wouldn’t have caught that foul ball, and he wouldn’t have, but it doesn’t excuse assholes (who clearly don’t know if there’s a player there trying to catch the ball) from reaching out onto the field to catch foul balls.
Chip Caray
on April 21, 2009 at 8:20 pm
Oh #153 you are a card!
Wittenmeyer
on April 21, 2009 at 8:20 pm
If that would’ve been a black cat, I shutter to think. Right, Miltie?
Len
on April 21, 2009 at 8:20 pm
And by occasion, I mean dressed appropriately for a fucking excursion to the North Pole.
Dusty
on April 21, 2009 at 8:20 pm
That makes up for the Bartman in my book. The stakes were just as high tonight!
cat
on April 21, 2009 at 8:20 pm
you can’t blame me for going on the field. look at all the litter by the bases.
Gorden Kittenmeyer
on April 21, 2009 at 8:21 pm
um…meow?
Hunter Pence
on April 21, 2009 at 8:21 pm
That cat looks like it has my neck and back. Wierd.
Alka Seltzer commercial
on April 21, 2009 at 8:23 pm
OK, what is the meaning that commercial? The guy buys the girl dinner, then puts an Alka Seltzer on the table. She says, “What kind of girl do you think I am?” Is it?
a) He’s worried she’ll fart in his car
b) She thinks it’s a condom
c) She thinks he wants her to take it so he can fuck her in the ass without filling the bed with feces
d) She’s just an annoying cunt
WGN
on April 21, 2009 at 8:23 pm
*snickering* Did you hear Bob call it the High Def shot of the game?
163
on April 21, 2009 at 8:24 pm
all of the above
Cubs righthanded hitters
on April 21, 2009 at 8:24 pm
We just continue to try to blast the ball out of the park on a night when it’s only carrying to straight away right.
Chip
on April 21, 2009 at 8:25 pm
the cubs have looked catatonic in the field…
Len Kasper
on April 21, 2009 at 8:26 pm
Balls have been flying around Yankee Stadium like a Jim Edmonds birthday party.
Gatorade machine
on April 21, 2009 at 8:26 pm
I am still here.
Casey McGeehee
on April 21, 2009 at 8:28 pm
They just delayed the game in Philly because I struck out. Clearly, it must be raining too hard to continue if I can’t see the ball.
Lassie
on April 21, 2009 at 8:28 pm
Gee, I am sure getting alot of attention tonight here. I am in alot of your mouths tonight.
Harry Caray
on April 21, 2009 at 8:28 pm
Holy Cmeow!
Dave Otto
on April 21, 2009 at 8:30 pm
I’m making a cameo Friday!
It’s gonna be filthy!
Brenly
on April 21, 2009 at 8:30 pm
I really don’t want to travel to Pisconsin, if I don’t have to. I will openly lie to any Cubs fan.
Dusty
on April 21, 2009 at 8:31 pm
Dude, enough cloggin’ start hackin’!
Len Kasper
on April 21, 2009 at 8:32 pm
If Owings screws up both bunt attempts I will shit my pants in fear of an 0-2 homer.
Rich Harden
on April 21, 2009 at 8:32 pm
Oh, Lenny. Shut the fuck up.
K
K
Sit down.
Dick Harden
on April 21, 2009 at 8:33 pm
Blowing away there best hitter.
Milton Bradley
on April 21, 2009 at 8:33 pm
looked like a strike to me.
Chris Speier
on April 21, 2009 at 8:34 pm
Anybody see my motorcycle?
Dick Harden
on April 21, 2009 at 8:35 pm
Which part was better, the part where I missed the easy comebacker or the part where I fell down?
bob
on April 21, 2009 at 8:35 pm
hey everyone, come watch my kid play…only reason im pluggin that crap fest in milwaukee, although i’m sure peoria has better pitching than the tenants of miller park
Mike Quade
on April 21, 2009 at 8:35 pm
I love that show Arrested Development. That Stan Sitwell character was a handsome fella.
Andy
on April 21, 2009 at 8:36 pm
Is Bob listing the fastest players in baseball (Emilio Bonifacio, Wily Taveras, Joey Gathright) or the shittiest?
Wily Taveras
on April 21, 2009 at 8:36 pm
I could stea1 100 bases if I didn’t suck.
DLEE
on April 21, 2009 at 8:36 pm
hey ryan, i’m not aaron miles you can throw it a little higher
Derrek Lee
on April 21, 2009 at 8:37 pm
I’m the only reason Ryan Theriot isn’t leading the world in errors.
therick711
on April 21, 2009 at 8:37 pm
Hoffpower would have made Theriot throw it better!
Ryan Theriot
on April 21, 2009 at 8:37 pm
Those same scouts compared my arm to Jacque Jones.
Boy, were they ever wrong!
Cardinals
on April 21, 2009 at 8:37 pm
man, can we play the astros some more…these real teams are good
Rich Harden
on April 21, 2009 at 8:38 pm
Whew, five innings. Well, I’m tuckered out, I’m sure Neal Cotts and the boys can take it from here.
America
on April 21, 2009 at 8:39 pm
We can’t wait till Tiger starts having these FLOMAX moments on the course in a few decades
Jim Hendry
on April 21, 2009 at 8:39 pm
I’m still in Iowa. I’m not watching any games, I’m helping Neal Cotts get a lease.
Rich Harden
on April 21, 2009 at 8:39 pm
i’m a way better hitter than owings…hittin .333 baby give me the silver slugger now
Stevie Williams
on April 21, 2009 at 8:40 pm
I’d just let Tiger pee in my mouth.
Idiot in the orange jacket
on April 21, 2009 at 8:40 pm
HI MOM IM ON TV
Chip Caray
on April 21, 2009 at 8:40 pm
Hang on guys. I need to take five and go to esurance.com to check out those Star Trek clips.
Micah Owings
on April 21, 2009 at 8:41 pm
I’m about to signal the international sign for done. Walking Alfonso Soriano.
Soriano
on April 21, 2009 at 8:41 pm
another walk…up yours steve phillips
Dick Pole
on April 21, 2009 at 8:42 pm
You guys ever see my daughter? She works at Heavenly Bodies. Her name’s Shimmy.
Soriano
on April 21, 2009 at 8:42 pm
hey bob, too cold my hamstring would explode if i ran so im goin station to station tonight…you know like im a white sox player
John Murray
on April 21, 2009 at 8:43 pm
I hope they arrested that cat and banned him from the park for life!
IT’S GOTTA HAPPEN!
193
on April 21, 2009 at 8:43 pm
Best line of the night. Hope it’s true, though.
Micah Owings
on April 21, 2009 at 8:44 pm
Ball eight.
193
on April 21, 2009 at 8:44 pm
i’ll pay half of that rent…in a heartbeat
therick711
on April 21, 2009 at 8:44 pm
yay for not overrunning the bases tonight on walks!
Chip Caray
on April 21, 2009 at 8:44 pm
Sorry guys, what’d I miss? I had to go to esurance.com and check out those Star Trek clips.
I just got domed by a broken bat in Toronto tonight.
Dusty
on April 21, 2009 at 8:54 pm
93 pitches? Micah’s just warming up.
Barry Rozner
on April 21, 2009 at 8:54 pm
aramis is so good at disappearing he is making owings vanish
Dusty
on April 21, 2009 at 8:54 pm
Took my parka off to make the pitching change, dude. Out of respect for the game.
Of course I’m wearing a XXXL sweatshirt over my jersey anyway.
Clinic
on April 21, 2009 at 8:54 pm
Ramirez put on a me during that at-bat.
Dolan’s right. That summalabitch is gonna win an MVP soon.
NSBB
on April 21, 2009 at 8:55 pm
Hoffpauir would have scored on that hit. From first. Lee sux.
Dusty
on April 21, 2009 at 8:55 pm
Dude, I needed 160 pitches out of you tonight.
Jim Essian
on April 21, 2009 at 8:55 pm
Dusty, double switches are overrated…just stand on the top step and clap…its the way to go
Pop-Tarts
on April 21, 2009 at 8:56 pm
Who the fuck puts ice cream on me?
Steve Phillips
on April 21, 2009 at 8:56 pm
The Cubs are doing pretty well despite Aramis Ramirez’s poor start to the season. Maybe he’ll heat up pretty soon?
therick711
on April 21, 2009 at 8:56 pm
i’m pretty sure cordero is available for 3 innings tonight so don’t worry 241
Jungle Fever
on April 21, 2009 at 8:56 pm
Hey Gordon, I think we found one Cubs fan who’s not racist.
WGN America
on April 21, 2009 at 8:57 pm
we really like to play crappy music and show wwe superstar commercials…now to show triple h juicin up to everybody have fun tonight
Dick Pole
on April 21, 2009 at 8:57 pm
You’ve got to have pretty good control to hit Mike Fontenot.
245
on April 21, 2009 at 8:57 pm
best line of the night
Hey 245
on April 21, 2009 at 8:57 pm
As her dad.
Len
on April 21, 2009 at 8:57 pm
Let’s flashback to 1986 with Pookie Bernstine and Chico Walker singing ‘We sucked that year’
Hey 245
on April 21, 2009 at 8:57 pm
Or even “ask.”
Andy
on April 21, 2009 at 8:58 pm
Wait, who are the Cubs Spanish language announcers? Hector Fabregas and Chico Esquela?
Dusty
on April 21, 2009 at 8:58 pm
i wonder if i can re-enter micah to hit later? i mean i saw it in the LLWS so its gotta be a rule
Bases Loaded Walks
on April 21, 2009 at 8:58 pm
This has to be a club record already.
Dustbag
on April 21, 2009 at 8:58 pm
We got ’em right where we want em, all they’re doin’ is cloggin’ the bases dudes
Dusty
on April 21, 2009 at 8:59 pm
I am so not down with this strategy. Way too much cloggin’.
Mike Lincoln
on April 21, 2009 at 8:59 pm
I’m shitty enough to pitch for Pittsburgh
Len
on April 21, 2009 at 8:59 pm
“Dick Pole’s coming out…” A line heard frequently on Halsted.
Bob Brenly
on April 21, 2009 at 8:59 pm
The Reds are a little short in their bullpen.
The Cubs are a little short in the middle infield.
Guffaw!
258
on April 21, 2009 at 9:00 pm
That’s what HE said
Pissburgh
on April 21, 2009 at 9:00 pm
Hey 257, you were shitty enough to used to pitch for Pittsburgh.
Dance Fever
on April 21, 2009 at 9:01 pm
For a little guy, I sure am slow.
Len
on April 21, 2009 at 9:01 pm
He’ll have to hurry and he’ll get Theriot…by four steps.
Barry Rozner
on April 21, 2009 at 9:01 pm
Aramis was good enough to disappear in pissburgh
Len
on April 21, 2009 at 9:01 pm
The Cubs get two runs and they now lead…(oh, shit, that’s not right, I’ll just pause really long until they forget I said two instead of three, hey, I wonder when the guys from Wilco are going to come by to sing the stretch, I really like Jeff Tweedy), five to two.
Dance Fever
on April 21, 2009 at 9:02 pm
I showed a lot of grit gettin down that basepath…so get off my back
Pisstons
on April 21, 2009 at 9:02 pm
When it rains, it really pours in Detroit doesn’t it?
Borat
on April 21, 2009 at 9:03 pm
The cubs get two runs and they now lead, Pause, Pause, NOT
Very nice
Bread Truck
on April 21, 2009 at 9:03 pm
If I get off your back would you beat out that throw?
Dance Fever
on April 21, 2009 at 9:04 pm
my magic 8 ball says….ask again later
Len
on April 21, 2009 at 9:04 pm
The key is to always bring one more jacket than you need, because like four year olds, Cubs’ fans dress in layers of coats.
Rich Harden
on April 21, 2009 at 9:05 pm
When I’m healthy I’m the best pitcher in the world. Seriously.
Rich Harden
on April 21, 2009 at 9:05 pm
long sleeves are for vags like carlos zambrano
Lou Piniella
on April 21, 2009 at 9:07 pm
Hey, 272, how about you stay healthy from the first week of October through the first week of November? You do that and we’ll have a parade for you…and the rest of us.
Someone care to explain the cat jokes? Was there some loose pussy on the field?
(pun aside, I’m being serious)
E-ramis
on April 21, 2009 at 9:07 pm
On that pop-up where was I running to?
Rich Harden
on April 21, 2009 at 9:07 pm
6 innings, 91 pitches.
That’s all folks!
Wrigley Field Balldude
on April 21, 2009 at 9:08 pm
Hey Mike,
A fat white spotted cat ran across the outfield, I picked it up, dropped it, then picked it up by the tail and threw it into the left field grandstand.
Rich Harden
on April 21, 2009 at 9:08 pm
I got Jay Bruce to spare all of you having to watch Cotts throw 4 pitches to him
Cubs bullpen
on April 21, 2009 at 9:08 pm
Uh Rich, could you go one (three) more?
Andy
on April 21, 2009 at 9:09 pm
You have love a Dusty Baker managed team. They just went through a 25 minute fifth inning and gave up three runs and the lead, and they saw eight pitches in the top of the sixth.
Dude.
Gathwrong
on April 21, 2009 at 9:10 pm
Why am I batting instead of Milton?
Rich Harden
on April 21, 2009 at 9:10 pm
Shit Lou, i can hit better than gaithright…he could have run for me
Aaron Heilman
on April 21, 2009 at 9:10 pm
Don’t worry, Neal Cotts will not walk the first batter in the seventh.
I will.
Aramis
on April 21, 2009 at 9:10 pm
Hey 277. I wasn’t running anywhere, I was Wang Chunging.
Geico
on April 21, 2009 at 9:10 pm
Our commercials suck.
Joey Gathright
on April 21, 2009 at 9:11 pm
I’m awful.
Carlos Zambrano
on April 21, 2009 at 9:11 pm
Hey Gathright,
Let’s see you jump over my Hummer.
Carlos Marmol
on April 21, 2009 at 9:11 pm
dammit, now i gotta pitch three innings tonight…stupid pitch counts
Pat Hughes
on April 21, 2009 at 9:11 pm
And if you’d like to send Ron or me a message, get in a time machine to 1997 and send us a fax on the Square D fax machine!
Joey Votto
on April 21, 2009 at 9:12 pm
Adam Dunn don’t have shit on me
Soriano
on April 21, 2009 at 9:12 pm
#200 – station to station my ass!
Joey Votto
on April 21, 2009 at 9:12 pm
I tried to give Jay a rim job right there.
Pablo Escobar
on April 21, 2009 at 9:13 pm
Did WGN just show me leading the league in average with runners in scoring position?
Kouske
on April 21, 2009 at 9:13 pm
i signed with a midwest team why? when do we play in the tokyo dome?
Lassie
on April 21, 2009 at 9:13 pm
Did somebody say “ball on bone”???
Judge Smails
on April 21, 2009 at 9:13 pm
Mike Lincoln? The man’s a menace!
DLee
on April 21, 2009 at 9:14 pm
ok, lets try this again…get ready alex
297
on April 21, 2009 at 9:14 pm
settle down girl…
Milton's Groin
on April 21, 2009 at 9:15 pm
I wound a bit too tight right now to be playing in this weather #283.
Andy
on April 21, 2009 at 9:15 pm
I never get tired of Derrek Lee taking a close pitch and giving the ump the “Oh, shit, did I just strike out?” look.
Aaron Heilman
on April 21, 2009 at 9:16 pm
I’d feel a lot better if you guys got about seven more runs
Al Yellon
on April 21, 2009 at 9:16 pm
Tonight the bleachers smell like wet desperation. You know, like the backseat of my Nissan Versa.
Cub Fans Everywhere
on April 21, 2009 at 9:16 pm
So would we Aaron, so would we.
Mike Lincoln
on April 21, 2009 at 9:17 pm
u call time like that again derrek and i’m goin josh beckett on your ass….but only cuz i dont know where its going
Dusty
on April 21, 2009 at 9:17 pm
Shit, I gotta change pitchers again? I just got my snowmobile suit on!
Lassie
on April 21, 2009 at 9:17 pm
They’re playing my song!
Dusty
on April 21, 2009 at 9:18 pm
Watch out. I just took the jacket off. Time to fire my team up, dudes.
WGN America
on April 21, 2009 at 9:18 pm
maybe if we played bob rohrman commericals we’d be a lot better at television
Daniel Ray Herrera
on April 21, 2009 at 9:20 pm
Mamma was a redneck, daddy was a Mexican.
Lassie
on April 21, 2009 at 9:20 pm
somebody say screw balls?
Teddy Higuera
on April 21, 2009 at 9:20 pm
Screw you, Len. What about my screwball?
Daniel Ray Herrera
on April 21, 2009 at 9:21 pm
Man, the Cub middle infielders are tall.
Daniel Ray Herrera
on April 21, 2009 at 9:21 pm
If I ever join the Cubs will I ever get to sit at the big boy table or will I have to sit at the children’s table with Theriot and Fontenot?
Reed Johnson
on April 21, 2009 at 9:21 pm
I would be even more dreamy, er, fearsome with little silk ribbons braided into my “goatee.”
Daniel Ray Herrera
on April 21, 2009 at 9:22 pm
My mom sews my name like this in all my jock straps. I hate it.
315
on April 21, 2009 at 9:22 pm
its not the kids table…its the ethnic redneck table, so you have to go there
E-ramis
on April 21, 2009 at 9:22 pm
Let’s see your little screwball, buddy.
aramis
on April 21, 2009 at 9:23 pm
SCREW THAT…i’m the Balls
Aaron Miles
on April 21, 2009 at 9:23 pm
Damn, this dude is short.
Dusty
on April 21, 2009 at 9:23 pm
so when do we play houston again?
E-ramis
on April 21, 2009 at 9:23 pm
god dammit I suck. Steve Phillips you are so right.
A-Ram
on April 21, 2009 at 9:24 pm
I am …wait for it…….BALLS!
Kevin Orie
on April 21, 2009 at 9:24 pm
Thank god for Aramis.
Soriano
on April 21, 2009 at 9:25 pm
that john cena stole my you can’t see me thing…bastard
Gary Scott
on April 21, 2009 at 9:25 pm
Yes, thank god for him.
Slumpbuster
on April 21, 2009 at 9:26 pm
Houston is me
Steve Buechele
on April 21, 2009 at 9:26 pm
i could have done that…shit
Gracie
on April 21, 2009 at 9:26 pm
Hi Houston, can I buy you a drink?
Manny Acta
on April 21, 2009 at 9:28 pm
I’m really good at my job
Len
on April 21, 2009 at 9:29 pm
high throw, but that’s alright…par for the course for dance fever
The Marmot
on April 21, 2009 at 9:29 pm
I’m not going to have to pitch tonight am I?
WGN TV
on April 21, 2009 at 9:29 pm
Where the lottery numbers have been fucking up our picture for 30 years.
Marcus Jordan
on April 21, 2009 at 9:30 pm
i like that Kevin Gregg…where did he get those specs?
7th inning stretch guest conductors
on April 21, 2009 at 9:30 pm
Please do away with me.
Lou
on April 21, 2009 at 9:31 pm
Well, at least he didn’t walk the catcher
335
on April 21, 2009 at 9:31 pm
seconded
A-Ram
on April 21, 2009 at 9:32 pm
Doin’ it all tonight, bitches!
E-Ramis
on April 21, 2009 at 9:32 pm
That E- stands for my now Excellent defense.
Brenly
on April 21, 2009 at 9:33 pm
HAHA the atomball joke again
Rozner
on April 21, 2009 at 9:33 pm
Aramis is lazy he didn’t even move to catch that line drive.
Dusty & The Dudes
on April 21, 2009 at 9:33 pm
Too bad the Cubs can’t play us everyday; they might set a record for clogging the bases.
Rozner
on April 21, 2009 at 9:33 pm
Aramis is so lazy he didn’t even move to catch that line drive.
Cotts
on April 21, 2009 at 9:33 pm
don’t worry im just gettin a side session in for my iowa debut
Safe leads
on April 21, 2009 at 9:34 pm
I will go away shortly if that lefty comes in.
me
on April 21, 2009 at 9:35 pm
i would like to crank a right hook to cotts’ jaw
Whitney Young Hoopsters
on April 21, 2009 at 9:35 pm
Hey, we’re better than Ozzy!
Whitney Young
on April 21, 2009 at 9:36 pm
Who the heck am I? or was
Kid on the Far Right
on April 21, 2009 at 9:36 pm
Do I look like LeBron James’ younger brother?
Lassie
on April 21, 2009 at 9:36 pm
Len and Bob make my “heart” throb too
Whitney Young
on April 21, 2009 at 9:37 pm
I am Neil Young’s wife after I leave Bobby Brown.
Mike MacDougal
on April 21, 2009 at 9:37 pm
hey lou, any openings in that bullpen?
Jim Belushi
on April 21, 2009 at 9:38 pm
I could’ve sang that WAY more annoying.
Geo
on April 21, 2009 at 9:38 pm
I am Sotomatic!
Reds Bullpen
on April 21, 2009 at 9:38 pm
Man, we suck.
Hey Geo
on April 21, 2009 at 9:38 pm
i just ran out of dip…can i borrow some from you…geez you selfish prick
dusty
on April 21, 2009 at 9:39 pm
why are they saying i suck? there clogging the bases more than us
The best
on April 21, 2009 at 9:39 pm
Are they chanting ‘Dusty sucks!’. Totally sweet
Al Yellon
on April 21, 2009 at 9:39 pm
I love the left field sucks chants…i shall write a column on how awesome it is before my recap because i cant do that until i get a box score
Aaron Miles
on April 21, 2009 at 9:40 pm
If I gained, like, 10 pounds, I would be as wide as I am tall.
Lassie
on April 21, 2009 at 9:42 pm
I said YES to both those boys for their prom.
Bob
on April 21, 2009 at 9:42 pm
nothing like having a whole floor full of high school kids…i love high school girls walkin in…wait, what?
Bob
on April 21, 2009 at 9:43 pm
Im makin this convo awkward by checkin out if hs’ers are stayin in my hotel
bob
on April 21, 2009 at 9:43 pm
i dont mean groups..i mean what blue haired groupies are gonna follow us around
Dusty
on April 21, 2009 at 9:43 pm
i don’t understand what is this walk thing again chris?
Stalker Brenly
on April 21, 2009 at 9:44 pm
I check out the hotel for the certain groups staying there? Perv
Aaron Miles
on April 21, 2009 at 9:44 pm
I just can’t handle that 88 mph cheese.
tony la russa
on April 21, 2009 at 9:44 pm
hahaha im a genius!!! miles is gonna sabotage the cubs season! “ok miles, now trip goin down the stairs and “accidentaly” hit pinella in the head
Lassie
on April 21, 2009 at 9:45 pm
i remember my first prom…albert treated me like a real lady
Len and Bob's hotel talk
on April 21, 2009 at 9:45 pm
That was almost as physically uncomfortable as any Steve Phillips/Joe Morgan exchange.
Big Z
on April 21, 2009 at 9:46 pm
i’m bored. Get on my back Fonty
Lassie
on April 21, 2009 at 9:46 pm
hey z, can i get on your back too?
Kosuke
on April 21, 2009 at 9:48 pm
Brenlysan thinks my reg is still hurt from getting hit on it. He does not know that I flog myself after poor at bats, so I am used to the pain.
len and bob
on April 21, 2009 at 9:49 pm
lets say cottis is coming in to pitch and let everyone scream noooooooooooo for thrity seconds as we sit in silence
Pissburgh
on April 21, 2009 at 9:49 pm
Break us up, bitches! 8-6!
The 'L' flag
on April 21, 2009 at 9:49 pm
Just hang me now if Cotts is coming in
6-4-Lee
on April 21, 2009 at 9:49 pm
Aw man. I can only get 1 out here.
Bob
on April 21, 2009 at 9:49 pm
As obsessed as Len is with Micah Owings’ hitting, I am with Kosuke’s shin.
Bases loaded walk
on April 21, 2009 at 9:50 pm
I smell another one.
Cinci Pitchin
on April 21, 2009 at 9:51 pm
maybe if we walk enough hitters dusty will realize that they produce runs
Don Zimmer
on April 21, 2009 at 9:51 pm
I’d hit and run here.
Reds' bullpen
on April 21, 2009 at 9:51 pm
That’s not what you smell.
Cardinals Bullpen
on April 21, 2009 at 9:52 pm
no worries, we’ll take care of that tie
2006 Cubs
on April 21, 2009 at 9:52 pm
381, if we didn’t convince him, nothing ever will.
Len
on April 21, 2009 at 9:52 pm
a reminder WGN America Sucks a Fat One
D.Lee
on April 21, 2009 at 9:53 pm
new nickname: Derrek “Just Missed It” Lee
DLEE
on April 21, 2009 at 9:53 pm
DAMMIT….i can’t even get the track anymore, here comes the human white flag
Neal Cotts
on April 21, 2009 at 9:54 pm
Time to make things interesting.
Ball One
on April 21, 2009 at 9:54 pm
Here I come.
Bob and Tom Show
on April 21, 2009 at 9:54 pm
Just when you figured out to how avoid us on the radio, WGN America puts us on TV!
Lou
on April 21, 2009 at 9:54 pm
You walk the leadoff guy I will fucking kill you where you stand!
Theodore
on April 21, 2009 at 9:55 pm
I can help you if you need to hide the body.
Neal Cotts
on April 21, 2009 at 9:56 pm
Hey, I’ve got a 4-1 strikeout to walk ratio!
Oh, I mean walk to strikeout ratio.
Neal Cotts
on April 21, 2009 at 9:56 pm
Ball 10.
Neal Cotts
on April 21, 2009 at 9:57 pm
Hey! I threw one!
Carlos
on April 21, 2009 at 9:57 pm
so much for that night off
Cubs bullpen
on April 21, 2009 at 9:57 pm
Even with a five run lead in the eighth, we still can’t avoid getting Marmol up.
Wily Tavares
on April 21, 2009 at 9:58 pm
i must really suck to let cotts get two strikes on me
the Marmot
on April 21, 2009 at 9:58 pm
Are you kidding me Lou? You want me to warm up?
Wily Taveras
on April 21, 2009 at 9:58 pm
I just struck out against Neal Cotts. I’m just going to keep walking to AAA.
Wily Tavares
on April 21, 2009 at 9:58 pm
holy shit i suck…at least dusty wont be mad cuz i didnt clog the bases
Cotts
on April 21, 2009 at 9:59 pm
Oops! Sorry about that Willy
Neal Cotts
on April 21, 2009 at 9:59 pm
I’m murder on lefties. If by murder you mean letting them get hits off me.
Hey Bob
on April 21, 2009 at 9:59 pm
i think there is A LOT of questions of neal cotts’ stuff or lack there of
JUST
on April 21, 2009 at 10:00 pm
WOW
Gordon Wittenmyer
on April 21, 2009 at 10:00 pm
Wait, don’t these fans know Neal is white?
Lou
on April 21, 2009 at 10:01 pm
I may just stand on the top step and yell at Cotts to get over here.
Lou
on April 21, 2009 at 10:01 pm
hey larry, better get the rule 5 kid up cuz im gonna go beat neal to death
Lou walking
on April 21, 2009 at 10:02 pm
$#%^ &#@$ @*&# %$#@!@$#?*@@
WGN Sports
on April 21, 2009 at 10:02 pm
How’d you like our camera work? It’s not like people watching wanted to see Lou take Cotts out of the game or anything.
Neal Cotts
on April 21, 2009 at 10:02 pm
Not only do I suck but I’m a sink spitter too.
Somewhere in Iowa
on April 21, 2009 at 10:03 pm
…a for rent sign just came out of an apartment window.
therick711
on April 21, 2009 at 10:04 pm
Andy,
I’m afraid we might have to cue up the clown car photo again.
Bob
on April 21, 2009 at 10:05 pm
I have to think Lou didn’t want to have to use Marmol tonight?
Holy shit, I am deep.
Des Moines Chamber of Commerce
on April 21, 2009 at 10:05 pm
Neal, would you like fruit basket delivered to your room at the Kirkwood?
therick711
on April 21, 2009 at 10:05 pm
Stupid ad box kicked that ball way out there.
Neal Cotts options
on April 21, 2009 at 10:06 pm
He can’t be sent to Iowa without being put on waivers (not that anyone would actually claim him) but his other option, of course is just to drink some Drano.
Carlos Marmol
on April 21, 2009 at 10:06 pm
Good thing I am fucking awesome.
carlos
on April 21, 2009 at 10:06 pm
i should get credit for cotts’ era too…cuz i strand all his walks
Rothchild
on April 21, 2009 at 10:07 pm
Hope we don’t have 100+ wins, this year. Cuz Marmol will have 100+ appearances with Cotts around.
Dusty
on April 21, 2009 at 10:07 pm
I’ll take that Dude. We could use a lefty.
418
on April 21, 2009 at 10:07 pm
Neal isn’t a Cardinal so his chances of becoming an arm-patch don’t seem too high.
dusty
on April 21, 2009 at 10:10 pm
raise your hand if you think i suck at managing. dude.
Len and Bob
on April 21, 2009 at 10:11 pm
Please it isn’t hard traveling the way those guys travel around the country. They aren’t flying Southwest.
423
on April 21, 2009 at 10:11 pm
Maybe we can just rent out Kile’s hotel room for a night for Neal, and hope for lightning to strike twice.
Cliff Bartosh
on April 21, 2009 at 10:12 pm
just give them my name in iowa and they will treat you REAL nice
Bob Brenly
on April 21, 2009 at 10:12 pm
Lou does take a lot of input from his coaches.
“I’m glad you feel that way, but we’re not fucking doing THAT!”
Rivoting TV
on April 21, 2009 at 10:15 pm
Fonzie chewing his nails. Arnie would have found a gal in a tubetop instead.
Arne
on April 21, 2009 at 10:17 pm
A tubetop? On a night like this?
I wasn’t a fucking miracle worker
Luis Vizcaino
on April 21, 2009 at 10:17 pm
Uh oh. This game’s still within reach for the Redlegs.
Luis
on April 21, 2009 at 10:18 pm
But I have a 0.00 ERA
Girls wearing tube tops in this weather
on April 21, 2009 at 10:20 pm
Are not the kind of girls you want to see in a tube top.
The hearty few
on April 21, 2009 at 10:21 pm
Are standing at Wrigley.
Darryl Ward
on April 21, 2009 at 10:21 pm
I also taught the Hoff how to hop to first and pull Ronny out of your pouch. I guess having a “Joey” on the bench will be even better for that.
Luis Vizcaino
on April 21, 2009 at 10:24 pm
Apparently, I’d like to have an ERA.
Jerry Hairston Jr
on April 21, 2009 at 10:24 pm
King of the dipshits.
Gordon Wittenmyer
on April 21, 2009 at 10:24 pm
See, they boo all the black guys!
Jerry Hairston, Jr.
on April 21, 2009 at 10:25 pm
Man, the Wrigley crowd really loves and miss me. And Len, I’m pretty sure my absolute suckitude while playing for the Cubs makes it pretty personal for the fans.
Dumbass fans
on April 21, 2009 at 10:25 pm
Why are we booing this dick lints that shouldn’t even matter?
Jerry Jr
on April 21, 2009 at 10:25 pm
I’m still pulling pitches over the dugout. Because I’m a dope.
the lesser
on April 21, 2009 at 10:25 pm
heyo!
CUBS...
on April 21, 2009 at 10:25 pm
WIN!
List of people Cubs fans apparently hate
on April 21, 2009 at 10:26 pm
list still continued
on April 21, 2009 at 10:33 pm
todd hundley,kent mercker,
list still still cont'd
on April 21, 2009 at 11:51 pm
Scott Eyre, Mark Guthrie, Will Ohman, Michael Barrett, Cesar Izturis, Bob Howry (especially one really pissed off guy), Rich Hill, Gabor Bako, Neifi Perez, and most likely still Jim Edmonds
First!!
Always wanted to do that…assholishness runs deep in my genes
Am I happening again or is this shit going down?
Dustbags
Wily Coyote, cf
Bruce Dickinson, More Cowbell
Joe Votto, 1b
Brandon Phillips, 2b
They Call Me Bruce, rf
Eddie Encarnacion, 3b
Ramon Hernandez, c
Sea Bass, ss
Micah Owings, p
Cubs
Alfonse, lf
Fukkake, cf
6-4 Lee, 1b
Hoff Power, rf
E-ramis, 3b
Fontegnome, 2b
Geo Soto, c
Dance Fever, ss
Dick Harden, p
Dude, I play the brothers in the sun, whities at night I’m going to play my amphibians tonight!
I live in Ohio.. and will do ANYTHING to not have to hear George Grande and Chris Welsh’s idiocy….
Shitty, but playable.
You know, like the Reds.
I was the first thing ever on ESPN. So suck it, Six.
“Suck it, Six.”
That’s what I used to say on the set of Blossom.
Batting cleanup… i like it
Who wants to watch me eat a Wendy’s cheeseburger while rolling around on the floor, drunk and shirtless?
Sloth? You know you want it.
Admit it, you all miss me.
Look at my surprisingly full IMDB page.
http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0001883/
Hey mom, it’s Mike.
Mike, your son, Mike! Mike Lufrano!
I’m going to be on TV tonight during the rain delay!
Seriously. During the Cubs game. I work for the Cubs, remember? I got your blood sugar meter autographed by Ron Santo for Christmas, remember?
You know what? Fuck you, mom. Sorry. OK, you happy now? I’m sorry I’m bald and a lawyer.
It’s Mike, your son! Oh, never mind.
#13’s link reveals that I was actually made. Who knew?
I’m shiny.
Did #15 just call Milton a shine? I’m going to go tell him.
**skips towards clubhouse**
I haven’t talked to Jim. He’s still in Iowa. He’ll be in tomorrow afternoon. You ever seen the breakfasts they make in Iowa? Like Jim was going to miss one of those.
Yeah, Hoff, yer right. Anything involving cheezburgers is porn to me.
What intrepid reporter asked Lou about “the sudden rain out on Sunday?” Sudden, it only rained for 12 hours.
I put over/under on Harden K’s – 12.
I put over/under on Harden innings – 5.1
Under
Over
Better lube up before you watch this, then, Sloth.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QH3JAp7vMuo
They gave Len and Bob a four-pound pretzel? Wow. I’d leave three pounds of it in the press box crapper during the sixth.
I’ll go over on the K’s, under on the innings.
Fourteen K’s in five innings and 179 pitches.
Geo is playing me in the dugout.
Only 2nd in NL Rookie of the Year voting? Suck it, Votto.
Has five guys hitting under .200, and the best hitter in the lineup is the pitcher. Shit, he ought to be batting third, not ninth.
Harden has struck out 18 guys in NINE innings this season.
Is it 14 degrees there? Dusty’s wearing a fucking parka.
I look like a black Stay Puft marshmallow man in this jacket
My idea… dress like an umpire… they’ll never suspect
Black parka. Dude.
Over at Yellonpalooza they’re upset that Milton’s not playing tonight. Yes, by all means let’s play a guy with a bad groin on a wet field when it’s colder than shit.
There’s 1
We all drilled holes in our bats before the game…. seems to be working
The only pitch I can hit is on the inner half. By all means throw it there. Everybody else does.
Nice. We’ll wear him down, he threw like seven pitches that inning.
Im more confusing than dusty baker
Over/under on the number of times “dude” is used in this Cubs Live
Boy are you gonna get sick of me tonight
#39 I’ll take the over. Dude.
Hello, 38.
http://userserve-ak.last.fm/serve/252/572313.jpg
Micah Owings? Is he the one who hit and not pitch, or the one who couldn’t pitch but got to fuck Jennie Finch?
I almost just got my head taken off there
What in the name of Mt. Fuji is going on with this weather?
Why don’t they put a lid on this dump?
Just like old times.
I’ve been sick, so I think I’ll sit it in the dugout in a sweatshirt.
Hey Bob, catcher’s gear isn’t the only thing that gets heavy when it’s wet.
Down 5-1 to Philly.
Wow, we suck.
I told my doctor that no matter how bad my knees were I needed to keep playing badminton.
He laughed until he peed a little.
Good thing they had that playoff experience when the Cubs came to town 2nd series of the season right?
The Reds’ logo is similar to the Bears’ logo. You know, except that it’s fucking red.
The Brewers are just setting up their SNEAK ATTACK!
Who’s the best 2B here Phillips??? WHO?? That’s right
Shit, if that dude was two inches shorter I’d have a single.
And he’d be a toddler.
That line drive was a good four feet in the air.
If only I were two inches taller, I could’ve caught that ball standing up AND I could finally ride the ferris wheel at Navy Pier.
What’s that 55? Who are we talking about? Is this little fella within 100 yards of my house in Gurnee?
And Pat, it’s a good thing Fontenot is 6’6″
Wind howling in, guy batting .179. Home run.
Well, sure.
I’m gonna keep pitching that left side of the plate ok guys?
Sweet home run dude. I told him to do that.
Why walk when you can homer?
It just makes sense.
That homer was so horrific, it’s like I witnessed the apocalypse. Yes, it’s April 21, and it’s 1-0 in the second inning. I have nothing but perspective.
Let’s just keep playing old Super Bowl commercials over and over and maybe we won’t suck.
My last line in that World of Warcraft commercial is the first intelligible thing I’ve said in 30 years, and they still closed captioned it.
That and World of Warcraft Commercials during a sporting event… what kind of demographic do they think we are?
I’m either a giant pretzel or a gay bar.
Old Super bowl commercials beat ours, #65.
I don’t know, maybe the kind of guys who would watch a game while sitting at their computers?
Thanks, Bruce. I think I will try to go deep to right!
Don’t hassle with me— GONE
…POWER!
this *proves* that Hoffpauir should be starting over Lee!
We should have walked that dude.
I own Micah
You’re wrong, idiot fans. Jake Fox would have hit that ball all the way onto Sheffield, and clearly should be starting over both Hoff and Lee.
Aramis isn’t off to a good start.
(.500 – 7 for his last 14)
I am going to dominate interleague play as the DH. You know, if Crazy Milton ever comes back to play RF.
Who needed a lefthanded hitting Bradley to break up Lee and A-Ram in the lineup, should have saved 30 million and gave HOFFpower the job outright. Dumb Hendry.
22 RBI
Milton, listen to those racist fans cheering for your white replacement.
AYEEEEEEEEE! I’m going dee……walked.
That was the first time a guy named Micah has homered off a guy named Micah.
(Somewhere Ed Hartig is weeping that he didn’t figure that out first.)
Hah, you are a hack, Fox. I drove in 100 runs in Iowa in 13 games last year. (80, 13, whatever.)
I had a little dude on one of my teams need Therry-ott. Nice kid. I think he’s pumping gas now.
Either I have brown leather gloves on, or I just gave Dick Pole a very messy prostate exam.
That was a great one
By all means give me a pitch to hit, you wouldn’t want Rich Harden up with the bases loaded.
I don’t see why Dusty wears that dang parca. He can just light some toothpicks on fire to keep warm. Especially if their in his mouth at the time.
Dance Fever with a knock. Time to head to the mound to calm down my slugger, er, pitcher.
Whatever Terry-ott. Neifi totally coulda done that.
I’m fast.
I’m done for the night now.
Oh, don’t worry. I’m going to try to blast one through the wind.
I can do it!
howdy fellas. long time no cast.
did you know that Micah Owings is a good hitter at the plate?
I’m fast. And exhausted. Alfonso better let me trot the next 270.
Hey, it’s Dan! Wow!
Who’s Dan?
Where is Neifi? Grab a bat, dude. I love me some Neifi.
14,000 retail stores across the country, that’s who.
I got this.
I’m gonna give him the old spin job.
Bad news Cubs fans. Rich Harden had to run 90 feet that inning. I would guess he’ll be too pooped to pitch.
Better get your hittin’ shoes on. Hope for a little two out magic!
Where’s Baker Basher?
actually, i’m an old desipiot, haven’t been around in about a year or so, but I have wasted many hours of my life at this website. you may know me from such contributions as discovering rubby perez, and coining the nickname ron ce… oh how humiliating.
Hey, we’re only down 10-3 now. And something named RJ Swindle is pitching for us now.
I don’t know why they have Theriot out there. Isn’t that surfer dude Bobby Crosby avaiable.
Bueno!
Right now, these are good times
http://espn.go.com/mlb/boxscore?gameId=290421122
MLB trade rumors.com says that i can be in game shape in 3 weeks if i was signed soon. I better break out my new leash and spiked collar…well, besides the other night. Oh, forget it.
Very valuable.
http://slms.leesummit.k12.mo.us/activitiesslms/clubs/StuPages/F2/Emizener/Chris/chris.gif
my goal is to be the first pitcher to lead the majors in strikeouts, while leading the league in starts less than 5 innings.
Is it bad when i’m a better pitcher than Micah Owings?
Anyone have Rick Ankiel’s number?
Len’s fascination with Micah Owings’ batting prowess will lead to me.
so far, so good.
hey #114, don’t you mean restraining batting order? nyuk nyuk
Looks like it’s time for me to kick Manny Parra’s ass again.
seriously though, it might not be such a bad idea to pick up lassie…
Seriously. Who plays horseshoes? As Dave Atell said, there’s only two ways a game of horseshoes can end: This sucks, let’s do something else, or, ouch, you hit me with the horseshoe.
Leave the jokes to me, Chippy. Hawk, take care of my light work, sir.
My GPS is on the fritz.
I have vertego.
Pirates catcher Ryan Doumit will be on the DL for 8 to 10 weeks after wrist surgery.
Hurts, Doumit?
lost it in the sun
Derrek Lee’s pop foul would have been caught. Just proves how much better Hoffpower is.
Hi Joey, thanks for tanking that pop-up so I could eventually walk.
You’re tiny.
Huh, didn’t Votto come off the bag early? I mean, I would know, eh?
#123
I stepped on the line
hey votto, hows the visibility?
len finally endorsed me!!!
be’ruuuce, i mean be’rave!
Chip, there’s alot of Dick in this matchup in the top of the 4th, eh? Why is Jim Edmonds banging on the press box door?
Oooh, I’m cursing the Cubs! Oooh!
I am chasing that cat, if I were there
We are gonna be all over that ball boy’s ass. He might as well quit now.
My cat handling skills are impressive. I fully expect for Peta to light my car on fire during the game.
did he just pick that cat up by it’s tail? can they do that?
Let’s just say pussy didn’t bother me when I was in Chicago.
We seen that, balldude. Lawsuit is coming.
now playing right micha hoff-meower.
Or anywhere else for that matter.
My sister used to carry cats around like that. They loved her. And they showed their love for her by crapping in her shoes.
And not only did the usher pick the cat up by the tail, he just threw it into the stands like it was a foul ball.
you should have gone with feline pie
We don’t want that damn thing in the stands with us, you dumbass.
You know that saying about “Many ways to skin a cat?”
Allow me to demonstrate.
That usher will be hearing from my lawyer. I am PISSED.
nothing like wrigley field. this place is littered with surprises.
nice grab huh?
Last at bat, Bruce hit a feline drive homer to right.
I had almost the same reaction as Alou. Too bad I would have needed a trampoline to get to that.
I struck again!!!!!!!!!!
Those racist Cubs fans are booing the white guy who caught the foul ball.
my lawyer better not fuck this up, last time i got busted for purrrrrrrjury….
LOL
Bob is trying to explain that Alfonso wouldn’t have caught that foul ball, and he wouldn’t have, but it doesn’t excuse assholes (who clearly don’t know if there’s a player there trying to catch the ball) from reaching out onto the field to catch foul balls.
Oh #153 you are a card!
If that would’ve been a black cat, I shutter to think. Right, Miltie?
And by occasion, I mean dressed appropriately for a fucking excursion to the North Pole.
That makes up for the Bartman in my book. The stakes were just as high tonight!
you can’t blame me for going on the field. look at all the litter by the bases.
um…meow?
That cat looks like it has my neck and back. Wierd.
OK, what is the meaning that commercial? The guy buys the girl dinner, then puts an Alka Seltzer on the table. She says, “What kind of girl do you think I am?” Is it?
a) He’s worried she’ll fart in his car
b) She thinks it’s a condom
c) She thinks he wants her to take it so he can fuck her in the ass without filling the bed with feces
d) She’s just an annoying cunt
*snickering* Did you hear Bob call it the High Def shot of the game?
all of the above
We just continue to try to blast the ball out of the park on a night when it’s only carrying to straight away right.
the cubs have looked catatonic in the field…
Balls have been flying around Yankee Stadium like a Jim Edmonds birthday party.
I am still here.
They just delayed the game in Philly because I struck out. Clearly, it must be raining too hard to continue if I can’t see the ball.
Gee, I am sure getting alot of attention tonight here. I am in alot of your mouths tonight.
Holy Cmeow!
I’m making a cameo Friday!
It’s gonna be filthy!
I really don’t want to travel to Pisconsin, if I don’t have to. I will openly lie to any Cubs fan.
Dude, enough cloggin’ start hackin’!
If Owings screws up both bunt attempts I will shit my pants in fear of an 0-2 homer.
Oh, Lenny. Shut the fuck up.
K
K
Sit down.
Blowing away there best hitter.
looked like a strike to me.
Anybody see my motorcycle?
Which part was better, the part where I missed the easy comebacker or the part where I fell down?
hey everyone, come watch my kid play…only reason im pluggin that crap fest in milwaukee, although i’m sure peoria has better pitching than the tenants of miller park
I love that show Arrested Development. That Stan Sitwell character was a handsome fella.
Is Bob listing the fastest players in baseball (Emilio Bonifacio, Wily Taveras, Joey Gathright) or the shittiest?
I could stea1 100 bases if I didn’t suck.
hey ryan, i’m not aaron miles you can throw it a little higher
I’m the only reason Ryan Theriot isn’t leading the world in errors.
Hoffpower would have made Theriot throw it better!
Those same scouts compared my arm to Jacque Jones.
Boy, were they ever wrong!
man, can we play the astros some more…these real teams are good
Whew, five innings. Well, I’m tuckered out, I’m sure Neal Cotts and the boys can take it from here.
We can’t wait till Tiger starts having these FLOMAX moments on the course in a few decades
I’m still in Iowa. I’m not watching any games, I’m helping Neal Cotts get a lease.
i’m a way better hitter than owings…hittin .333 baby give me the silver slugger now
I’d just let Tiger pee in my mouth.
HI MOM IM ON TV
Hang on guys. I need to take five and go to esurance.com to check out those Star Trek clips.
I’m about to signal the international sign for done. Walking Alfonso Soriano.
another walk…up yours steve phillips
You guys ever see my daughter? She works at Heavenly Bodies. Her name’s Shimmy.
hey bob, too cold my hamstring would explode if i ran so im goin station to station tonight…you know like im a white sox player
I hope they arrested that cat and banned him from the park for life!
IT’S GOTTA HAPPEN!
Best line of the night. Hope it’s true, though.
Ball eight.
i’ll pay half of that rent…in a heartbeat
yay for not overrunning the bases tonight on walks!
Sorry guys, what’d I miss? I had to go to esurance.com and check out those Star Trek clips.
No GIDPs so far this year.
I’m due.
just practicing for when I get pulled over….
You’re cloggin up my bases, out there, Pyle!
prodigious warning track power.
I must have really been hustling, eh?
hey derrek…save some power for may
Lee with another Bobby Murcer Special. Thank gord for Dickerson’s Adam Dunn impression.
OK, why exactly didn’t I send Soriano? He was halfway, and the Reds didn’t have a cutoff set up?
See? Told you guys. Warning track power.
Mike D, are you saying I have brain cancer?
im still in the majors?
Should I be in a hurry?
QQQQUUUUUUUUUUUAAAAAAAAAADDDDDDDDDDEEEEEEEEEEEE!!
That guy Dickerson sucks. You’re supposed to fall down after you drop a fly.
You don’t want to take out the pitcher because you’re going to need his bat later.
Granny Time!
Derrek Lee has brain cancer? Time to make a t-shirt!
One of my favorite Harry-isms from the late 90’s:
“Big Dick Pole fans here today”
Maybe I’ll double switch and bring in a reliever and move Micah to left?
If Owings pitched without the gale force winds it’d be 12-2.
your boy H-bomb is just mashing
Mr. Dickerson, i’ve seen Adam Dunn, and you sir are no Adam Dunn…speaking of which we could get him at the trade deadline i think for vitters
Oh man, just one more biscuit for breakfast, eh Harry?
Time to buzz the tower.
isn’t it about time for the world famous Dusty Baker botched double switch?
i wish barry rozner loved me
Dude, that double switch was Chuck Merriweather’s fault. I did it against the Reds and they still hired me.
Barry Rozner eats ass.
and its delicious
I just got domed by a broken bat in Toronto tonight.
93 pitches? Micah’s just warming up.
aramis is so good at disappearing he is making owings vanish
Took my parka off to make the pitching change, dude. Out of respect for the game.
Of course I’m wearing a XXXL sweatshirt over my jersey anyway.
Ramirez put on a me during that at-bat.
Dolan’s right. That summalabitch is gonna win an MVP soon.
Hoffpauir would have scored on that hit. From first. Lee sux.
Dude, I needed 160 pitches out of you tonight.
Dusty, double switches are overrated…just stand on the top step and clap…its the way to go
Who the fuck puts ice cream on me?
The Cubs are doing pretty well despite Aramis Ramirez’s poor start to the season. Maybe he’ll heat up pretty soon?
i’m pretty sure cordero is available for 3 innings tonight so don’t worry 241
Hey Gordon, I think we found one Cubs fan who’s not racist.
we really like to play crappy music and show wwe superstar commercials…now to show triple h juicin up to everybody have fun tonight
You’ve got to have pretty good control to hit Mike Fontenot.
best line of the night
As her dad.
Let’s flashback to 1986 with Pookie Bernstine and Chico Walker singing ‘We sucked that year’
Or even “ask.”
Wait, who are the Cubs Spanish language announcers? Hector Fabregas and Chico Esquela?
i wonder if i can re-enter micah to hit later? i mean i saw it in the LLWS so its gotta be a rule
This has to be a club record already.
We got ’em right where we want em, all they’re doin’ is cloggin’ the bases dudes
I am so not down with this strategy. Way too much cloggin’.
I’m shitty enough to pitch for Pittsburgh
“Dick Pole’s coming out…” A line heard frequently on Halsted.
The Reds are a little short in their bullpen.
The Cubs are a little short in the middle infield.
Guffaw!
That’s what HE said
Hey 257, you were shitty enough to used to pitch for Pittsburgh.
For a little guy, I sure am slow.
He’ll have to hurry and he’ll get Theriot…by four steps.
Aramis was good enough to disappear in pissburgh
The Cubs get two runs and they now lead…(oh, shit, that’s not right, I’ll just pause really long until they forget I said two instead of three, hey, I wonder when the guys from Wilco are going to come by to sing the stretch, I really like Jeff Tweedy), five to two.
I showed a lot of grit gettin down that basepath…so get off my back
When it rains, it really pours in Detroit doesn’t it?
The cubs get two runs and they now lead, Pause, Pause, NOT
Very nice
If I get off your back would you beat out that throw?
my magic 8 ball says….ask again later
The key is to always bring one more jacket than you need, because like four year olds, Cubs’ fans dress in layers of coats.
When I’m healthy I’m the best pitcher in the world. Seriously.
long sleeves are for vags like carlos zambrano
Hey, 272, how about you stay healthy from the first week of October through the first week of November? You do that and we’ll have a parade for you…and the rest of us.
look mom, one hand
I didn’t settle in until 20 minutes ago.
Someone care to explain the cat jokes? Was there some loose pussy on the field?
(pun aside, I’m being serious)
On that pop-up where was I running to?
6 innings, 91 pitches.
That’s all folks!
Hey Mike,
A fat white spotted cat ran across the outfield, I picked it up, dropped it, then picked it up by the tail and threw it into the left field grandstand.
I got Jay Bruce to spare all of you having to watch Cotts throw 4 pitches to him
Uh Rich, could you go one (three) more?
You have love a Dusty Baker managed team. They just went through a 25 minute fifth inning and gave up three runs and the lead, and they saw eight pitches in the top of the sixth.
Dude.
Why am I batting instead of Milton?
Shit Lou, i can hit better than gaithright…he could have run for me
Don’t worry, Neal Cotts will not walk the first batter in the seventh.
I will.
Hey 277. I wasn’t running anywhere, I was Wang Chunging.
Our commercials suck.
I’m awful.
Hey Gathright,
Let’s see you jump over my Hummer.
dammit, now i gotta pitch three innings tonight…stupid pitch counts
And if you’d like to send Ron or me a message, get in a time machine to 1997 and send us a fax on the Square D fax machine!
Adam Dunn don’t have shit on me
#200 – station to station my ass!
I tried to give Jay a rim job right there.
Did WGN just show me leading the league in average with runners in scoring position?
i signed with a midwest team why? when do we play in the tokyo dome?
Did somebody say “ball on bone”???
Mike Lincoln? The man’s a menace!
ok, lets try this again…get ready alex
settle down girl…
I wound a bit too tight right now to be playing in this weather #283.
I never get tired of Derrek Lee taking a close pitch and giving the ump the “Oh, shit, did I just strike out?” look.
I’d feel a lot better if you guys got about seven more runs
Tonight the bleachers smell like wet desperation. You know, like the backseat of my Nissan Versa.
So would we Aaron, so would we.
u call time like that again derrek and i’m goin josh beckett on your ass….but only cuz i dont know where its going
Shit, I gotta change pitchers again? I just got my snowmobile suit on!
They’re playing my song!
Watch out. I just took the jacket off. Time to fire my team up, dudes.
maybe if we played bob rohrman commericals we’d be a lot better at television
Mamma was a redneck, daddy was a Mexican.
somebody say screw balls?
Screw you, Len. What about my screwball?
Man, the Cub middle infielders are tall.
If I ever join the Cubs will I ever get to sit at the big boy table or will I have to sit at the children’s table with Theriot and Fontenot?
I would be even more dreamy, er, fearsome with little silk ribbons braided into my “goatee.”
My mom sews my name like this in all my jock straps. I hate it.
its not the kids table…its the ethnic redneck table, so you have to go there
Let’s see your little screwball, buddy.
SCREW THAT…i’m the Balls
Damn, this dude is short.
so when do we play houston again?
god dammit I suck. Steve Phillips you are so right.
I am …wait for it…….BALLS!
Thank god for Aramis.
that john cena stole my you can’t see me thing…bastard
Yes, thank god for him.
Houston is me
i could have done that…shit
Hi Houston, can I buy you a drink?
I’m really good at my job
high throw, but that’s alright…par for the course for dance fever
I’m not going to have to pitch tonight am I?
Where the lottery numbers have been fucking up our picture for 30 years.
i like that Kevin Gregg…where did he get those specs?
Please do away with me.
Well, at least he didn’t walk the catcher
seconded
Doin’ it all tonight, bitches!
That E- stands for my now Excellent defense.
HAHA the atomball joke again
Aramis is lazy he didn’t even move to catch that line drive.
Too bad the Cubs can’t play us everyday; they might set a record for clogging the bases.
Aramis is so lazy he didn’t even move to catch that line drive.
don’t worry im just gettin a side session in for my iowa debut
I will go away shortly if that lefty comes in.
i would like to crank a right hook to cotts’ jaw
Hey, we’re better than Ozzy!
Who the heck am I? or was
Do I look like LeBron James’ younger brother?
Len and Bob make my “heart” throb too
I am Neil Young’s wife after I leave Bobby Brown.
hey lou, any openings in that bullpen?
I could’ve sang that WAY more annoying.
I am Sotomatic!
Man, we suck.
i just ran out of dip…can i borrow some from you…geez you selfish prick
why are they saying i suck? there clogging the bases more than us
Are they chanting ‘Dusty sucks!’. Totally sweet
I love the left field sucks chants…i shall write a column on how awesome it is before my recap because i cant do that until i get a box score
If I gained, like, 10 pounds, I would be as wide as I am tall.
I said YES to both those boys for their prom.
nothing like having a whole floor full of high school kids…i love high school girls walkin in…wait, what?
Im makin this convo awkward by checkin out if hs’ers are stayin in my hotel
i dont mean groups..i mean what blue haired groupies are gonna follow us around
i don’t understand what is this walk thing again chris?
I check out the hotel for the certain groups staying there? Perv
I just can’t handle that 88 mph cheese.
hahaha im a genius!!! miles is gonna sabotage the cubs season! “ok miles, now trip goin down the stairs and “accidentaly” hit pinella in the head
i remember my first prom…albert treated me like a real lady
That was almost as physically uncomfortable as any Steve Phillips/Joe Morgan exchange.
i’m bored. Get on my back Fonty
hey z, can i get on your back too?
Brenlysan thinks my reg is still hurt from getting hit on it. He does not know that I flog myself after poor at bats, so I am used to the pain.
lets say cottis is coming in to pitch and let everyone scream noooooooooooo for thrity seconds as we sit in silence
Break us up, bitches! 8-6!
Just hang me now if Cotts is coming in
Aw man. I can only get 1 out here.
As obsessed as Len is with Micah Owings’ hitting, I am with Kosuke’s shin.
I smell another one.
maybe if we walk enough hitters dusty will realize that they produce runs
I’d hit and run here.
That’s not what you smell.
no worries, we’ll take care of that tie
381, if we didn’t convince him, nothing ever will.
a reminder WGN America Sucks a Fat One
new nickname: Derrek “Just Missed It” Lee
DAMMIT….i can’t even get the track anymore, here comes the human white flag
Time to make things interesting.
Here I come.
Just when you figured out to how avoid us on the radio, WGN America puts us on TV!
You walk the leadoff guy I will fucking kill you where you stand!
I can help you if you need to hide the body.
Hey, I’ve got a 4-1 strikeout to walk ratio!
Oh, I mean walk to strikeout ratio.
Ball 10.
Hey! I threw one!
so much for that night off
Even with a five run lead in the eighth, we still can’t avoid getting Marmol up.
i must really suck to let cotts get two strikes on me
Are you kidding me Lou? You want me to warm up?
I just struck out against Neal Cotts. I’m just going to keep walking to AAA.
holy shit i suck…at least dusty wont be mad cuz i didnt clog the bases
Oops! Sorry about that Willy
I’m murder on lefties. If by murder you mean letting them get hits off me.
i think there is A LOT of questions of neal cotts’ stuff or lack there of
WOW
Wait, don’t these fans know Neal is white?
I may just stand on the top step and yell at Cotts to get over here.
hey larry, better get the rule 5 kid up cuz im gonna go beat neal to death
$#%^ &#@$ @*&# %$#@!@$#?*@@
How’d you like our camera work? It’s not like people watching wanted to see Lou take Cotts out of the game or anything.
Not only do I suck but I’m a sink spitter too.
…a for rent sign just came out of an apartment window.
Andy,
I’m afraid we might have to cue up the clown car photo again.
I have to think Lou didn’t want to have to use Marmol tonight?
Holy shit, I am deep.
Neal, would you like fruit basket delivered to your room at the Kirkwood?
Stupid ad box kicked that ball way out there.
He can’t be sent to Iowa without being put on waivers (not that anyone would actually claim him) but his other option, of course is just to drink some Drano.
Good thing I am fucking awesome.
i should get credit for cotts’ era too…cuz i strand all his walks
Hope we don’t have 100+ wins, this year. Cuz Marmol will have 100+ appearances with Cotts around.
I’ll take that Dude. We could use a lefty.
Neal isn’t a Cardinal so his chances of becoming an arm-patch don’t seem too high.
raise your hand if you think i suck at managing. dude.
Please it isn’t hard traveling the way those guys travel around the country. They aren’t flying Southwest.
Maybe we can just rent out Kile’s hotel room for a night for Neal, and hope for lightning to strike twice.
just give them my name in iowa and they will treat you REAL nice
Lou does take a lot of input from his coaches.
“I’m glad you feel that way, but we’re not fucking doing THAT!”
Fonzie chewing his nails. Arnie would have found a gal in a tubetop instead.
A tubetop? On a night like this?
I wasn’t a fucking miracle worker
Uh oh. This game’s still within reach for the Redlegs.
But I have a 0.00 ERA
Are not the kind of girls you want to see in a tube top.
Are standing at Wrigley.
I also taught the Hoff how to hop to first and pull Ronny out of your pouch. I guess having a “Joey” on the bench will be even better for that.
Apparently, I’d like to have an ERA.
King of the dipshits.
See, they boo all the black guys!
Man, the Wrigley crowd really loves and miss me. And Len, I’m pretty sure my absolute suckitude while playing for the Cubs makes it pretty personal for the fans.
Why are we booing this dick lints that shouldn’t even matter?
I’m still pulling pitches over the dugout. Because I’m a dope.
heyo!
WIN!
Jason Marquis
Glendon Rusch
Jerry Hairston Jr
Who’s next, Bozo? Cookie?
jock jones,
latroy hawkins
corey patterson,
kyle farnsworth
todd hundley,kent mercker,
Scott Eyre, Mark Guthrie, Will Ohman, Michael Barrett, Cesar Izturis, Bob Howry (especially one really pissed off guy), Rich Hill, Gabor Bako, Neifi Perez, and most likely still Jim Edmonds