A pessimist would look at the 2010 Cubs and point out that any team that can only beat Pissburgh once every seven games should probably consider disbanding.  An optimist would look at the same team and shoot himself in the head.

But good news!  The Cubs offense has finally been found.  It’s pictured here, in Guatemala City, Guatemala.  Who knew?

As for those of you who are complaining that Tyler Colvin isn’t getting enough starts, I have a suggestion for you.  Teach him how to play first, second or third base.  I know the whole lefty throwing thing and lifetime spent in the outfield could be complicating factors, but the only three guys who hit with any regularity on this team are playing in the outfield.

And if one of you suggests that the Cubs move Alfonso Soriano back to second base…I hope your house burns down.

Funny, wasn’t it, that the wildly talented Toni Ginnetti (Did you know she still had a job?  Me neither.) wrote an entire piece on Monday about ways the Cubs could improve their offense, and she never once mentioned getting Ryan Theriot out of the lineup.  Well, Lou mentioned it.  And then did it.  And tonight’s lineup (which will have Colvin in it, by the way) will likely have Derrek Lee and E-ramis Ramirez waiting a little longer for their turn at bat.

The fact remains that unless these two start to hit there is no hope for this team.  And you can give them both time off and shuffle them around the lineup all you want, but that doesn’t change the fact that if they don’t hit, this offense blows.  And so we wait.

And we wait.

And we find that it’s really not all that hard to not go to the games.

In fact, I’ve found a way to simulate the experience of going to a 2010 Cubs game without leaving my house.  I watch the game on TV, and when it’s over I take $100 bill and set it on fire and then punch myself in the head repeatedly.

Try it.  It’s great.